Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Nick woke with a start, Caleb’s haunting laughter echoing in his mind. He curled up tighter and watched the animated cartoons which were still flickering across the television screen. After the Friday night football game he must’ve decided to join Reggie and the others for a band-bonding night. He’d started to join them more often, ever since being rescued from ghost possession. Reggie had been the first one there for him after Caleb was finally gone and well… maybe their relationship started off as white knight syndrome (Nick looked it up after he and Reggie had their first kiss, apparently people have the tendency to fall in love with their rescuers). Once the initial shock wore off though, Reggie had promised Nick he wasn’t planning on leaving anytime soon.

The first thing Nick noticed was that he was warm, his letterman jacket thrown over him like a makeshift blanket. The second thing he noticed was that his head was on someone’s lap, (Reggie’s) and that he was still at the Molina's house. The third thing he noticed was that at some point in his sleep he had regressed. Which meant now he was little. Normally regressing in the Molina’s house wasn’t a big problem, but this was the first time he’d regressed subconsciously with Reggie and the band in the same room. 

Usually he’d be more self-conscious about who was in the room when he regressed, but right now he was too comfortable to care. “M tired,” Nick mumbled, falling further into his littlespace. Nick was just fine lying in this very comfortable lap and letting whoever it was continue the relaxing hair-petting motion. “More,” Nick whined when the person stopped. He twisted, looking up at Reggie while pouting.

“Why’d you wake up?” Reggie asked, looking at him. Reggie looked really pretty to Nick, his eyes were doing that sparkly thing they did, they looked like diamonds. Nick hummed in response, not really wanting to get into why he woke up. He had a bad dream, about a bad man doing bad things. Avoiding the question Nick smiled at Reggie and leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together.

“Your eyes are pretty,” Nick said. He stared at Reggie in awe when the bassist’s eyes sparkled even more when he started laughing. “They sparkle !” Nick exclaimed happily. He as Reggie’s eyes shined brighter than they ever have before.

“Really?” Reggie asked, the quirk of a smile curving at the corner of his lips. “My eyes are pretty?” Nick nodded and giggled when Reggie combed a hand through his hair. Suddenly the memory of the bad man, Caleb, flashed through Nick’s mind and he let out a distraught sounding whine. “Hey, what’s going on huh?” Reggie asked, holding Nick close to him. Nick shook his head furiously, he didn’t want to talk about Caleb, because talking about Caleb made the whole thing real .

“Nick?” Julie asked, and Nick grumbled, refusing to turn around. “Hey, you know it’s okay for you to slip here, you know that. It’s okay,” Julie said, trying to calm him down. Her words did little to comfort him. Nick whined in protest, wrapping his arm around Reggie’s and pulling his Letterman jacket over his head. “Hey it’s okay,” Julie said, gently pulling down the Letterman so they could see each other. Julie looked a little bit worried, but she had pretty eyes too, like Reggie’s. Nick didn’t let go of Reggie’s arm, but turned to look at her.

Luke, and Alex stood off to the side, awkwardly watching the interaction. They looked borderline uncomfortable, a mixture of confusion and concern on their faces. Nick glanced up at Reggie, who also looked really confused. Nick decided Reggie looked cute with his eyebrows furrowed together like they were. Nick sat up, suddenly uncomfortable in the awkward bent-over position he was in. His neck was getting sore, resting on Reggie’s shoulder. He didn’t want the band to know about his age regression, to know about the abuse he suffered before the Danforth-Evans family adopted him. To know how completely and utterly disgusting he was.

“Wan Carrie,” Nick said, finally speaking up. He started to play with the hem of his shirt, pointedly avoiding anyone’s eye contact. Acting like a kid was a lot more embarrassing when Nick did it around people he didn't know that well. Especially since he didn’t have his elephant stuffie. Nick just hoped Julie wasn’t mad at him for regressing in front of her friends. He just wanted his cousin, Carrie always made him feel better.

“Okay, we can call Carrie tomorrow, alright bug?” Julie asked, trying to compromise. "It's late, she's probably sleeping right now." Nick pouted and shook his head furiously. He knew it was foolish, but Nick wanted his cousin. Carrie always gave him the bestest hugs, and she didn’t care if she was big or little. Reggie tried to hug Nick, but Nick didn’t want a Reggie hug right now. Julie sighed softly and placed an arm on Nick’s shoulder.

“Wanna see Carrie!” Nick whined, suddenly pushing off of Reggie and crossing to the other side of the room. Reggie frowned, obviously even more confused by Nick’s childlike behavior. Julie let out a light tsking sound, briefly scolding Nick for pushing Reggie aside. Reggie, who's face was twisted into hurt and confusion. Nick’s emotions bubbled up and his eyes started to fill with unshed tears. Julie reached up and cupped her hand lightly against Nick’s cheek. Nick launched forward and let her hug him. Julie didn’t even hesitate, immediately wrapping her arms around him.

“Do you want Reggie and the others to leave?” Julie asked quietly, pressing a soft kiss at the top of his head. Nick started shaking, the tears rolling down his cheek. He was quickly becoming a mess of snot and tears. Julie rubbed circles into his back as he buried his face into Julie’s shoulder, not even caring anymore about the boys watching the scene happen.

“I wanna talk to Carrie,” Nick mumbled as Julie pulled him into a big hug. “Carrie has elephant, need ‘phant,” Nick said, starting to babble. He could feel himself start to slip further and further into his regressed state. Julie cooed and ran her hand through his hair, trying to comfort him. Nick looked over Julie’s shoulder and frowned slightly when he didn’t see the three boys anymore. “Reg?” Nick asked, blinking furiously as a wave of exhaustion washed over him. He hoped he didn’t scare Reggie away from him, Nick loved Reggie a lot, the bassist was one of the first good things that happened to Nick in a long time.

“Reggie’s going to give us some space,” Julie said carefully, guiding Nick back to the couch. Nick let out another choked sob and a strand of unconnected babble. “I know sweetie.” Julie whispered, holding Nick close. Julie pulled away from Nick and ran a hand through his hair. A yawn escaped from Nick’s mouth and he stretched an arm over his head. Julie let out a soft chuckle, “tired huh? I suppose it is past your bedtime Nicky,” Julie said helping him lie down on the couch. No wonder he felt so tired… Nick balled up his Letterman jacket and squeezed it between his arms, trying to mimic the sensation of having a stuffed animal. Julie smiled lightly at him, kneeling down so he could see her face. “What if I went and grabbed you one of Carlos’s old stuffed animals?” She offered, holding a tissue to Nick’s nose so he could blow on it. Nick sniffled,

“He do dat?” Nick wondered, he always liked Carlos. Whenever Nick regressed and he was at the Molina’s Carlos was fun. He played Star Wars with Nick and they had lightsaber duels. Sometimes they would even go ghost hunting or prank Tia together. Carlos was fun, he didn’t judge Nick for needing to regress like the mean kids did from before. Carlos didn’t have a mean bone in his body. Julie nodded in response, resting her hand on Nick’s cheek.

“Of course he would. He’s your brother, remember?” Julie asked. Nick remembered that conversation, a few years ago Carlos had told Nick he wanted him to be his brother. That Carlos thought of him like a brother, and Nick's regression didn't change anything. Carlos was really big for a little kid, he often acted older than he was. Nick nodded quietly, another quiet yawn escaping from him. “I’ll be right back,” Julie said softly.

“Prwamise?” Nick asked, settling into his littlespace. He held up his pinkie finger, crooking it like a hook. Julie wrapped her finger around his. It was something they did back when Nick was first regressing and still trying to learn he could trust Julie with it. Julie had told him pinkie promises could never be broken.

“Promise,” Julie said so grown up - like Nick wasn't able to find a reason to not believe her. Julie’s never lied to him before now. Nick settled back into the couch, making a pillow out of his jacket. Julie pressed another soft kiss to his forehead. “Be right back,” Julie promised. Nick nodded, curling up back on the couch.

Julie didn’t make him wait longer than ten minutes. She came back down the stairs holding a couple of stuffed animals and a comfortable looking blanket. “Nick?” Julie asked, kneeling on the ground. Nick blinked back awake, it was harder to stay focused now. He wanted to go back to sleep, but made grabby hands at the teddy bear in Julie’s hands. Julie handed him the bear and he squeezed it between his arms.

“Tank you,” Nick said, holding the stuffed bears close to his chest. Julie smiled kindly at him as she gently tucked the heavy quilt around him. “Tell Reg ‘m sorry?” Nick asked as Julie reached for the light switch. When the lights turned off she leaned down and plugged in one of the night lights the Molina’s got after discovering Nick was afraid of the dark. He was even more afraid of the dark after being possessed by Caleb, but that was a big problem, and right now Nick just wanted to go back to sleep Once everything was settled, Julie squeezed her arms around Nick.

“You don’t have to apologize for anything,” she said trying to assure him. She ran a hand through his hair and Nick’s eyelids fluttered. “But yes, I’ll tell him you didn’t mean to hurt him.” Nick smiled at her tiredly at her. “Sleep tight little bug,” Julie whispered, giving his hand one last squeeze. Julie stayed by his side, sitting in an old rocking chair. She started singing softly, her voice full and warm. Nick latched onto it, letting it wrap around his mind, protecting him from his nightmares against the bad man.

The next time Nick woke up he was slightly disoriented. He remembered slipping last night, in front of Reggie no less. He remembered he had a dream about Caleb, but couldn't exactly remember what happened in it that made him so distraught. When he sat up the quilt Julie brought him last night fell onto the floor with a soft thump . “Ugh,” Nick groaned, blinking as he adjusted his eyes to the sunlight streaming in through the window. He was currently a mix of big and little, not really one or the other. Nick stretched his legs across the couch, clutching Carlos’s teddy bear to his chest. He made a mental note to thank the kid later. 

“Nick?” Julie asked softly, standing in the entrance of the family room. Nick looked up at her, slightly confused. “How are… how are you doing?” How was he doing? He knew he could trust her, that she wouldn’t make fun of her… but he didn’t exactly know how to answer her. 

“I’m big again, if that’s what you mean.” Nick shrugged in response, patting his pockets, looking for his phone. He went as far as pulling the pockets of his Letterman inside out, his dads would want to know he was safe. When his hand brushed the soft fur of Carlos’s teddy bear he wrapped his fist around it and let the stuffed animal hang loosely at his side.

“I plugged it into the kitchen counter,” Julie said in explanation when he didn’t find his phone. “Texted your dads and Carrie, she should be on the way.” Julie said, finally entering the room. Nick felt a tint of blush rise to his cheeks. Aside from his dads Julie and Carrie were his most trusted caregivers if he ever slipped into littlespace. When the girls had their falling out Nick found himself missing Julie more often than not. If his regression ever got really bad they’d both put aside whatever they were fighting about and make sure he was okay. He really didn’t know what he did to deserve such good friends, but he was eternally grateful he had them.

“Thanks,” Nick muttered, he pulled on his Letterman jacket, the familiarity of it was comforting. He shifted his feet awkwardly, and couldn’t help but wonder if she was angry at him for regressing while her friends were in the room. “‘M sorry your friends saw me.” He apologized, referring to her band witnessing his regression. It wasn’t exactly something he talked about on the first date, which meant Reggie didn't know about his regression yet. It took Nick weeks to actually trust Julie during his regression and Nick trusted Reggie but this? This was something... personal. Explaining his regression meant he’d have to explain the why, and Nick always hated explaining the why part of his regression. Reveal the past abuse he suffered in different foster homes always ended up killing the mood of the evening. Last night though, he didn’t regress because of his past like he usually did. He regressed because of Caleb , because he was starting to remember things Caleb had done while possessing him. Julie crossed the family room floor, closing the distance between them.

“They’re your friends too Nick,” Julie said carefully. She wrapped her arms around him and he hugged her back. The smell of her shampoo filled his nose when he pressed his head into her hair. “It’s just how you deal with things sometimes. We’ve been waiting for this to happen, remember?” Julie asked. She took a step back, giving him some room to breathe. Nick nodded, letting himself settle back into his bigspace.

“I know,” Nick said with a sigh. “I just… It’s…” he trailed off, stumbling over what to say next. Sometimes, even when he was big, it was hard for him to voice his emotions. The years of mental abuse from previous foster parents were still fresh in his mind, how they judged him for feeling so small at times when he was supposed to be a big kid. Julie squeezed his hand tightly, reassuring him she’d never let go.

“Hard?” Julie asked, filling in the blank. Nick swallowed thickly, nodding silently in response. “If you willingly regressed in front of Reggie then things are getting better right? Not perfect but better.” Julie said, lightly cupping his face. Nick smiled down at her, letting her know everything was okay for now.

“Not perfect but getting better,” Nick said, repeating the mantra. He knew how lucky he was to have friends like her and Carrie. People who were so loving and understand why he had to regress. That he dealt with complex and difficult issues differently than a ‘normal’ person would.

“Hello?” Carrie asked, stepping into the room. Mr. Molina walked in behind her and on instinct Nick dropped the teddy bear. Even though Julie’s dad knew about his regression, Nick was always more self-conscious about it around adults versus when he was with Julie or Carrie. Mr. Molina just smiled kindly at him, keeping a comfortable distance between them. 

“Nick, this is a safe place for you. You don’t need to hide anything from me,” Mr. Molina assured him. Nick nodded in response, not trusting himself to talk. He let a smile curve at the corner of his lips though. Mr. Molina turned to Julie then said, “I’ll leave you kids to it then.” Then he turned around and left them to their own devices. The second they were alone Carrie and Julie both trapped Nick in a tight group hug, which ended with Nick wriggling in an attempt to get away from them.

“Julie said the band saw what happened?” Carrie asked, never one to beat around the bush. It was one of the things Nick loved about his cousin, always just so... stable. Before Julie came along Carrie had been Nick’s rock. Nick nodded, sitting back on the couch. Carrie sat next to him while Julie sat on the otoman footrest.

“Uh yeah… I had a nightmare and when I woke up I was little…” Nick said, piecing together the events of the previous night. “I think I scared Reggie…” Nick said admittedly. To his surprise though, Julie just smiled and shook her head.

“He thought you were cute. So, what do you say?” Julie asked, holding out her hand. “Want to help me explain some things to the guys? I’m sure it’s killing Reggie, staying in the studio.” Nick could picture it, clear as day, Reggie pacing anxiously in the studio waiting for them. Carrie nodded,

“Yeah. That boy’s head over heels in love with you. If he breaks up with you I’ll make his life after life a living hell.” Nick snorted a laugh and watched as Julie turned her glare to Carrie. Julie gave Nick’s hand a reassuring squeeze before leaving the family room first. Nick stood up to follow her, but he couldn’t help but still feel a little hesitant. He didn’t want Reggie to ever have to find out how screwed up he really was. He wanted to keep his littlespace a secret, something only his family and the Molina’s knew about… but Reggie and the band were family now, and telling them the truth was something that was long overdue. Carrie reached out her hand,

“Come on,” Carrie said encouragingly, “everything’s going to be alright Nick.” Pushing aside his insecurities Nick took his cousin’s hand and let her lead him to the studio, grabbing his phone from the kitchen counter on the way.

Chapter Text

The studio was empty when Nick walked in, aside from Julie who sat on the piano bench, facing away from the keys. Her eyebrows were furrowed in confusion, staring at the empty couch. “Julie, are your ghosts here?” Carrie asked, looking around the studio. The only good thing that came out of Caleb’s possession of Nick was that he could now not only see the boys constantly, but also temporarily become a ghost himself. They were still trying to figure out the extent of his new powers, but for now he could tell the boys weren't in the studio. Shaking his head Nick turned to Julie.

“They aren’t here right?” He asked, just to make sure he didn6t just miss them. Julie nodded, obviously looking confused. Nick ran a hand through his hair then crossed the room and sat on Luke’s couch, Carrie following his lead. She didn’t know everything that went down between the ghost boys and Caleb, but she knew enough. She also knew about her dad's past with them, but Carrie hadn't exactly… done anything with the information yet. Nick and Julie both promised to stand by her side no matter what she did.

“I don’t know where else they’d go…” Julie said trailing off slowly. She looked at Nick, eyes suddenly filled with fear. “They wouldn’t go to Caleb would they?” she asked, the words coming out rushed. Nick leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

“They wouldn’t, Reggie wouldn’t . Not after what happened last time." He shook his head, trying to clear the doubts that were slowly crawling up his spine.. Carrie placed a comforting hand on his back and Nick relaxed considerably, though still worried for his friends.

“It’s my dad,” Carrie said in explanation when a pop song started playing through her phone sspeaker. Nick assured her he'd be fine andSshe stepped out of the studio to take the call. Her eyebrows furrowing together as she left, listening to whatever her dad was saying. Nick and Julie sat in silence together, Nick distracting himself by picking up a guitar and toying around with a few chords. 

Music had been his outlet for so long before he first regressed, he picked guitar up at one of his first foster houses, the parents had wanted him to become some sort of classical music maestro, and were devastated when he fell in love with rock. His fingers ran up and down the neck of the instrument expertly. The song wasn’t exactly classic rock, it a more melancholy sound to it. He was playing with minor chords, pulling at the rush of darkness he would sometimes feel whenever Caleb was brought up. Another side effect from being possessed by an evil ghost: his music sounded so… hopeless. He got so lost in the song he didn’t even notice when Alex, Luke, and Reggie all poofed into the room.

“Wow,” Reggie said from his place on the couch next to Nick. He was sitting on the arm of the couch, an arm thrown against the coach's backrest. “That was beautiful.” He pulled Nick in for a chaste kiss, lightly pressing their lips together. Nick blushed furiously, feeling the heat rising up his neck.

“Hi,” Nick whispered softly, staring into Reggie’s eyes. Reggie smiled at him, lightly cupping his cheek. Nick leaned into the touch, letting the feeling of safety wash over him. Reggie pulled Nick in for a tight hug, squeezing him half to death 

“You don’t have to tell me - us - anything you don’t want to,” Reggie assured Nick, pressing a soft kiss against his forehead. Nick glanced at Julie, she nodded supportively. Carrie must’ve finished her call when Nick was playing, because she was sitting next to Julie with her arms crossed against her chest. She smiled at Nick though, encouraging him to tell the truth. Nick took a deep breath then pulled away from Reggie’s embrace. If he wanted to do this, explain everything, he couldn’t be distracted by the smell of Reggie’s two-dollar cologne.

“I know,” Nick said, letting Reggie interlock their hands together. “But I was planning on uh… at least explaining some things to you. It’s just sooner than I hoped…” Nick trailed off, staring at his and Reggie’s hands. He used his free hand to pick at a loose thread on the cuff of Reggie’s leather jacket. Reggie squeezed his hand tightly, a silent promise he’d always be there for him. “It’s called age regression, technically.” Nick said, trying to compile his thoughts into a logical explanation.

“What’s age regression?” Luke asked, eyebrows furrowing together. Carrie glared at Luke for interrupting Nick. Luke’s mouth snapped shut and let Nick continue to speak. Nick inhaled deeply, trying to convince himself once it was all out in the open everything was going to be okay.

“Age regression uh… it happens when someone, well, to a younger state of mind,” Nick said, picking at the loose thread. Reggie frowned slightly.

“So last night,” Reggie said slowly, trying to understand the situation. “Last night you were…” Julie spoke up for him so Nick didn’t have to say anything.

“He was five,” Julie said, “which doesn’t make him any less of the Nick you know.” Nick winced and looked down, avoiding anyone’s eye contact. To Nick’s surprise though, Reggie just pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head. Nick let out a sound of confusion, why wasn’t Reggie more grossed out by it? That Nick willingly reverts to being six years old? That his boyfriend’s a freakshow , to quote the last couple he had stayed with before meeting Ryan and Chad. Reggie’s finger curled under Nick’s chin and tipped it up, so Nick had to look at him.

“You have pretty eyes too,” Reggie said softly. The setting sun shined on his face in just the right way, making it look like Reggie was glowing. A smile quirked at the corner of his lips and the bassist shrugged off his leather jacket, draping it over Nick’s shoulders. Nick pulled Reggie’s jacket around himself tighter. Reggie had more of a slender build than he did so it was too small for him to wear, but the weight of the fabric was a nice comfort. Reggie’s bass-calloused fingers cupped Nick’s cheek, and he couldn’t help but lean into it.

“Nick, you alright?” Carrie asked carefully, obviously ready to jump in if Nick was uncomfortable. He nodded in response, keeping his eyes on Reggie. Nick slumped, letting Reggie pull him in for a tight hug.

“Thank you for trusting me with this,” Reggie said, tears rolling down his cheek. Nick used his thumb to brush the tears off of Reggie’s face. Nick smiled back at him, the anxiety he felt earlier disappearing.

“You don’t…” Nick trailed off, unsure of what he wanted to say. He buried his face into Reggie’s shoulder, not really wanting to dig into his sense of self-worth: or lack thereof. “... think it’s weird?” Nick mumbled, slowly feeling himself slip into littlespace again. Reggie let out a soft chuckle and pulled Nick out of his shoulder.

“I don’t think it’s weird at all buddy,” Reggie said. He rubbed his hand in circles against Nick’s back, reassuring him everything was okay. The ding from Nick's phone cut through the comfortable silence that fell between them. Nick pulled out his phone and read the text with a light frown.

"It's my pops, he wants me home right away… I should probably get going," Nick said, sliding off Reggie's jacket to return it. Reggie jumped off the couch and walked with Nick to the studio doors.

"Nick, text me when you get home okay?" Julie asked as he left the garage. Nick turned back and gave her a little wave.

"Of course Jules. I always will," Nick promised, noting how the other two members of her band had disappeared. He let Reggie pull him in for one last kiss before shouldering his backpack and walking down the street towards his house.

For some reason the whole way home he couldn't shake the feeling like someone was watching him, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.