Work Text:
Not for the first time, she scanned the paper.
It’d been typed, not handwritten. Then printed for convenience and done in a fancy font.
She held it now, alone, given aforementioned paper only a few minutes ago by a teary Martha Turner.
Sarah knew Mrs. Turner had only read it once. She had passed it on to her children shortly after, only to ultimately end up in Sarah’s hands, of all places. Part of her wondered why she should have the courtesy of having it, or why she should deserve to be in this house, for that matter.
She wasn’t family.
Half the time, she was rather sure he’d hated her, even.
But when she had heard he’d gone missing...
Something in her had twisted.
A foul, blackened feeling overtook her—and while she refused to cry over it, it still left her empty to a certain degree, even knowing he might never have cared in return.
...But.
It turned out, that wasn’t entirely true, apparently.
For the paper said otherwise.
*
Hey. Figured I owed all of you something before I go so here it is. I’m not sure how to really start, though? I guess I’ll wing it lmao, whatever
I don’t have much time to write out all I want to say, just as a heads up. Wish I did, but then this would be 5 whole pages long, maybe more. So it’s probably for the best anyway, you don’t want to see me ramble about rando stuff. anyway.
I still want to write down as much as I can. I’ll try to keep it short (I have to). And to the people reading this (you know who you are), even if one of you doesn’t want to read this whole thing it’d still mean a lot if you could read the section I wrote specifically for said specific person, if that makes sense. then again I wouldn’t really listen to me if I was any of you anyway so idk, do whatever the hell you want.
This isn’t going to mean much, I know, and none of you should accept my apology or even be reading this but I still need to get this off my chest. I have to leave in a few so again, it’d mean a lot if you did read it, even if you don’t want to.
Mom:
Hey lookit that. finally calling you mom after what like, forever? Yeah. sorry about that.
I know you did the best you could for me and all and I really respect you for that. but I never belonged here. I mean that. it’s not your fault. it’s not mine either but that’s besides the point
Hope you know I appreciate everything, as much as I can. you’re the best mom on this planet, seriously (imo)
See you later. maybe
Sam:
I know I was a real ahole to you so have this as compensation I guess? idk I’m bad at this.
But yeah I know I wasn’t the greatest to you or Freddie. I kinda suck but I just wanted you to know that I do appreciate having you as a sister. You were pretty great yourself I guess. put up with me, for one, so A+ lol
Also. Please don’t blame yourself for this.
I’m sorry
Good luck, Sam
Freddie:
It’s been fun dude. Really. I know this is abrupt and stupid but I had to at least tell you you were the best little brother ever. the freakin coolest.
(also thanks a billion for being the one to introduce me to soaps, dumbest crap yall could’ve come up with down here lolol)
Oh shoot
I’ll be missing movie night. Sorry.
Maybe some other time?
Also.
take care of Sam for me, ok?
Sarah stopped reading for a moment.
He had never been very close with his siblings, Sarah knew. All of the letter’s contents were odd, but if of itself, it was odd for him to write to his siblings specifically. They’d thought so too, Sam specifically. She never said so, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out she disliked her older brother quite a bit. What an asshole, she would mutter under her breath, whether she meant it to be heard or not; it was almost a catchphrase of hers.
But after reading the letter, she’d gotten strangely quiet.
Freddie had been very upset, when he first read it; for some time he cried, consoled only by Sam. Now both of them were with their mother, who was considerably more distraught by it all.
In fact... Their mother was the only reason Sarah had come over, having known she’d take it harder than anyone else.
...
Then Martha had shown Sarah the part with her own name in it.
And Sarah had no choice but to read it,
all the while wondering why Collis would bother writing something for her.
*
Sarah:
Its been a while since we last talked, huh? sorry about that. things have been weird.
I figured you deserved something from me most of all, though—because you have stuck with me since the beginning. No matter what.
Yknow you were the first to believe in me? no, seriously. I didn’t even believe in myself. I still really don’t. I mean If you looked up the word asshole in the dictionary, I almost guarantee you’d find a picture of me haha
Either way I kinda never really deserved you as a friend. ever. I mess up all the time. cant even get through all this without caring about anyone, or yaknow. caring.
I didn’t mean to rope you in like I did. I didn’t really realize then what I’d be doing to you, or any of you. but I never should’ve talked with you. never should’ve shown you I existed. I never should have cared to start with. And gods I cant fix that now, I know I cant. I know im evil and an awful person, an awful creature for even letting this happen and existingand everything they said about me is true. I destroy everything I touch. I know you’d all be better off if I hadn’t tried to exist, even if it makes no difference in the end
You deserved so much better.
Im sorry this is happening. Im sorry I had to leave, Im sorry I did any of what I did, any of what I’ll do now
Tears welled in her eyes.
to everyone as a whole,
I’m really sorry. truly.
You guys don’t deserve this. hope you know that, despite everything that’s
Sorry.
They fell, and rolled down her face, travelling from her skin to the paper.
She couldn’t stop them.
I still have to do it
I love you
A sob escaped her, finally.
She cried, as she read the last line, over
and over
and over.
See you on the other side.