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Chapter Text

Kang Gook raised his arms in front of his body and squatted down, shifting his weight to the back of his heels. He made light steps around Tae Joo as he waited for him to make his move. The shuffle of his feet caught Kang Gook's attention, moving left first before pressing forward. Tae Joo’s fingertips grazed his waist, but he wasn't quick engouh. Kang Gook shifted his weight to the side before catching Tae Joo's arm and pulling him forward, knocking them both to the ground. Kang Gook rolled over locking his thighs around Tae Joo’s chest, applying pressure as he continued pulling Tae Joo’s arm. “OW that hurts!”, Tae Joo yelped as he tapped Kang Gook’s thigh rapidly. Startled, Kang Gook immediately released his hold and sat up to look over Tae Joo. “Agh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to …”

“Aish…” Tae Joo rubbed his shoulder, his eyes shooting fire Kang Gook's direction. With a light bow of apology, Kang Gook stuttered something about grabbing ice grab for Tae Joo’s shoulder, but the words were inaudible, eaten up by the "oof" forced out of his chest when the other man collided into his back. It all happened so quickly he couldn’t really do much except brace himself for the impact with the ground. The impact of Tae Joo slamming down on top of him knocked the remaining air out of Kang Gook's lungs.

"Gotcha" Tae Joo smirked as he eyed his gasping counterpart.

“T-ta-tae Joo, we t-talk-“, Kang Gook was still struggling to breathe while Tae Joo threaded their forearms together, trapping him in a hold. He was somewhere between proud and annoyed. Proud that Tae Joo had finally pinned him, but annoyed at the smirk plastered on his face. You’re lucky you caught me by surprise, Kang Gook thought as he moved his free arm to push the other off, but Tae Joo was quicker and shifted his weight so somehow Kang Gook's other arm was now pinned under his knee. He briefly thought about how painful it would be if he put his full weight into that side, but those thoughts were disrupted by a sharp pain when Tae Joo increased the twist on their forearms.

"Agh! Okay!" Kang Gook frantically tapped Tae Joo’s knee with his fingertips, the best he could anyway. Tae Joo didn’t let go, but he stopped twisting. “Okay okay you win” Kang Gook put on a smile that looked more like a grimace, as he continued trying to struggle against the others grip “Tae Joo you can’t… ugh” he tried to shift his weight under Tae Joo, but his grip was surprisingly strong, “you can’t just… YA!” He shouted, quieting Tae Joo's laughter.

“Aw Gookie…” he giggled as he reached his free hand towards Kang Gook’s face.

His pulse started to quicken as Tae Joo's fingertips brushed his cheek.. “Okay. Alright. You win okay?”

Tae Joo shook his head, “No Gookie that’s no fun”. The look on his face made an uneasy feeling rise up in Kang Gook's belly.

“What—” Kang Gook started, but before he could finish his sentence Tae Joo lightly caught the lobe of Kang Gook’s ear, turning his mind to static; it was almost as if he was living in slow motion. He could feel the press of Tae Joo’s thumb and forefinger massaging the delicate flesh, before he released his grip to trace Kang Gook’s jaw with his fingertip.  His touch was like fire, singing his flesh along its path.

“What are you…”

“Is this okay?” The heat of Tae Joo's breath brushing against the the sensitive skin of his cheek made Kang Gook shiver, the words were so soft wasn’t sure if he heard him correctly. Soft lips placed a kiss on the square of his jaw just below his ear, before chestnut brown eyes fluttered open to study his face. Kang Gook could feel his face was flushed, a deeper shade of red than when they normally have a bout. “let me go” his voice wasn't loud, but it was so clear it felt as if it echoed. He pressed against Tae Joo’s hold again. Almost as if he had been in a trance, Tae Joo pushed himself backwards, a pink shade creeping up his own cheeks.

“Oh, yeah. Uh, sorry” As he watched Tae Joo's face fall, Kang Gook found himself pulling him close, his hand cradling on the back of Tae Joo’s head before pulling him down into a kiss. He wasn’t sure what he should be doing, he had never kissed anyone before. Every time he had to watch Tae Joo kiss one of his many girlfriends, he had wondered what it felt like. It was a normal curiosity, but Kang Gook never had the time to talk to other girls, let alone get close enough to kiss one. But here he was, kissing Tae Joo. It felt disjointed at first, like a child learning to walk. His lips felt awkward, fumbling against Tae Joo’s as he guided Kang Gook into a paced rhythm.

At some point, Kang Gook’s body had begun responding to Tae Joo’s movements, and despite the feeling of Tae Joo's soft tongue exploring his mouth, he became too aware of the sharp ache in his groin where Tae Joo was sitting.

“Tae J—” Kang Gook breathed into Tae Joo's mouth, before the other caught him in another kiss.

“What?” Tae Joo started laying kisses on Kang Gook’s cheek, before he grasped his ear between sharp teeth. “Ah! This… this isn’t…” Before he could finish his sentence, he felt Tae Joo marking a trail with his teeth down the nape of his neck. Kang Gook began to shift under Tae Joo.

“Tae Joo…” Kang Gook started again, his thoughts shifting between the pain of his erection being squished and the sensation of Tae Joo pressing into his skin. “Tae Joo this is a little uncomfortable!” They were both startled by his voice, it was much louder and harsher than he intended.

“Oh” Tae Joo removed his hands, his expression suddenly overcast. “No. No! No, not this,” he laughed nervously, “That” he gestured towards his groin with his chin.

“Oh… OH” he exclaimed as he quickly rolled off of the other man. At first, Kang Gook felt a wave of relief before he began to ache for another reason. He didn’t want Tae Joo so far away, it felt so cold and so... Before Kang Gook could whine, he felt a hot hand tracing the opening of his gi, sending shivers trickling down his spine. Tae Joo's touch moved painfully slow and imperceptibly fast. Before Kang Gook could process what was happening, he was caught in Tae Joo's grasp, a hand tugging rhythmically on his weight. He desperately wanted to touch him back, to feel him against his palm, his fingertips, his mouth. So he reached towards Tae Joo as the other man's ministrations became quicker, causing a throbbing heat to travel towards his lower abdomen.

But by the time his hand reached the rim of his bottoms, Kang Gook had woken up.  

++++

Fuck.

Kang Gook was bathing in his own sweat, his body still trembling from his dream. He raised the blanket to look down at what was surely not just sweat covering his lower half, a curse echoing in the back of his mind. Goddammit. Again?

He gently set the blanket down and moved to slide out of bed, careful not to wake Tae Joo with his movements.

The last few months this seemed to be a reoccurring thing for Kang Gook, dreaming about Tae Joo and then waking up like that. Embarrassed didn't quite capture his current feelings about it, ashamed maybe? Because it made him feel like a predator, thinking those things about the other while he lay unsuspecting next to him. In their home. In their bed. 

In the beginning it was so bad he couldn’t look Tae Joo in the eyes, which resulted in a lot of whining on his part. But for the first time, this situation was one that even Tae Joo's whining couldn't fix. Because how could he do that to him? How could he have those thoughts about him? And he couldn't very well explain it, even though Tae Joo would probably find it funny, but it's everything that might follow. Tae Joo was unpredictable and impulsive, he rarely thought his actions all the way through, which Kang Gook both disdained and envied. Or perhaps he disdained it because he envied it? As he never had the luxury to behave impulsively or unpredictably, ever action was taken weighing probabilities and risk. There were always too many variables, and Kang Gook absolutely did not need to add anymore variables into their... situation. 

So he just lived with it...

And eventually when he couldn't live with it, he consulted with Naver and determined that:

1) Dreams don't mean anything.

2) And people have wet dreams

And it is with those determinations that Kang Gook reached a delicate form of acceptance, which allowed him to only feel guilty in the immediate aftermath, when he would turn his head to the side to see his poor unsuspecting friend/boss/master still in a deep sleep. While he, the pervert monster bodyguard had splotch of semen soaking through his underwear. 

But after a cool shower, clean (dry) bottoms, and a reality check, usually in the form of a whining Tae Joo, Kang Gook felt back to normal with everything in its place. Him only, metaphorically, beneath Tae Joo.

He stood up, the mattress shifting from the relief of his weight. He hesitated to make sure Tae Joo didn't stir from his movements, before stepping lightly towards the bathroom and leaving the door slightly ajar just in case anything should happen. Fumbling around in the dark, he removed his pajamas and underwear, allowing the thought of Tae Joo staring at him, face flushed and eyes blown wide, cross his mind only momentarily before he stepped into a wall of freezing cold water.

++++

Tae Joo's eyes flew open and it took him a few moments to figure out why he was awake. He glanced at the digital alarm clock on Gook's side of the bed, the red letters saying it was only 6:00 am. Why the fuck am I awake right now? He let out a frustrated groan and considered waking up Gook to have someone to share in his misery, but abruptly realized that Gook was the disturbance that awoke him. He was making a weird noise deep in his throat that wasn’t exactly annoying, but it was jarring. He wondered if perhaps Gook was having a nightmare because he had never heard him make such sounds. If it were anyone else, he might have considered that they were of a more... erotic nature, but Kang Gook didn't...

Right? He studied at the other's face, the corners of his mouth pulled up into a smirk not dissimilar to the one Gook gets when he pins Tae Joo in less than a minute, as a tongue flit out to wet his lips. He felt something stir in his belly and reasoned it must be that Kang Gook is just...

Annoying. 

And yet, his eyes continued to trail further down Gook's form, his black shirt stretched over his broad shoulders pulled up slightly expose a sliver of exposed skin with a small trail of black hair. It looked soft, and a stray thought wondered if it was as soft as it looked. As if in a trance his eyes followed the trail until.... Oh.

Something between a squeal and a laugh erupted from Tae Joo's throat. He was amused and... alarmed? Because Gook's having a sex dream!

He forced another laugh down his throat, a burst of air slipping past his lips. He didn't know why it made him feel so... funny? Maybe because he hadn’t considered that Gook had those types of feelings. After all, to Tae Joo's recollection, he had never seen him talking to anyone else, let alone a girl.

I wonder what she looks like... his eyes stay glued to his bodyguard, his body beginning to shift against the mattress. His mouth felt dry, I wonder what they’re doing-- wait is it someone we know? He furrowed his brow at that thought, before he started making a list of all of the girls they knew who the Gook may have interacted with. And as he thought he realized that despite all of the time they had spent together, they had never discussed this kind of stuff before. Sure, Gook regularly (unwittingly) bore witness to Tae Joo's various trysts, but aside from the occasional biting remark, their conversations regarding romance had been almost entirely one sided. 

Because Tae Joo, well he had dated many women. Many different types of women, and through that experience had come to the conclusion that he didn't actually have a type. They were all cute and fun in their own way, his only condition was that they liked him. He didn't find the need to be selective, because he could readily admit that he liked the attention more than anything, from men and women alike.

Although, he had only accepted the proposition from a man once. Gook generally silently accepted Tae Joo's preferences, but the look on his face when he caught Tae Joo kissing a transfer student behind the gym... he still shuddered to think about it. He sometimes wondered if Gook really needed to use his fists or if that glare would be sufficient to keep any threat at bay. He had actually never asked Gook why he was making that look that day. It could have been because Tae Joo disappeared for the first time, or it could have been concern he would be caught and the inevitable circumstances that would follow.

Or... Tae Joo scoffed. No, no it would never be that.

All this to say, Tae Joo had no idea if Gook had a type, let alone what they would look like. 

But, looking at Gook in the midst of what seemed like a sex dream he found himself wondering whether he liked girls with long hair or cut short to the nape, or girls that were shy and cute or brash and sexy. 

OR... or maybe it wasn't a woman at all.

And that...

The same curiosity he had felt with Daniel was ignited in Tae Joo. His let his eyes run along Gook’s body before resting on the bulge pressing against his sweats. He wondered if it looked the same as his own. He had seen Gook naked countless occasions during their time together, but he couldn’t remember what it looked like. And surely it must look different erect. Would it feel the same as his own, soft and firm and-

Gook’s labored breathing interrupted Tae Joo’s thoughts. Startled, Tae Joo threw the blanket over the top of them both, shutting his eyes tight in hopes it looked somewhat convincing that he was still sleeping. He found the situation kind of funny, but did his best to suppress the grin fighting to make an appearance on his face. He heard Gook sigh and the rustle of sheets before he felt the mattress shift from the relief of Gook’s weight followed by the sound his light footsteps receding towards the bathroom. He finally released a shaky exhale, which was truthfully more akin to a snort, when he heard the sound of the shower coming to life. Tae Joo had been fighting back a fit of giggles which he could no longer supress, although tried to stifle any sound by pressing a pillow into his face. It was likely the sound of the shower would do the trick on its own, but he didn’t want to take the risk. He knew Gook wouldn’t find this situation funny, and would likely be too mortified to look at Tae Joo for weeks. But Tae Joo couldn’t help himself. After a few moments, the giggles became sparse and Tae Joo took a few deep breaths. He was lightheaded from the lack of oxygen, partially from his laughter and partially because he had held the pillow so tightly against his face it had been hard to breathe. He rolled over onto his side with the occasional “huh huh ah… huh huh”. As his laughter faded, his memories of kissing Daniel crept into his head intermingled with Gook's expression moments ago. I wonder what it would be like to kiss Gook? He thought as a smile crept across his face. That thought was a little funny too, but this time he wasn’t really laughing. 

+++

Tae Joo had asked him to find them a new Tteokboki place while he was in Japan. Their favorite one had closed because the Halmoni had gotten to old to care for herself, and after months of loud arguments in the middle of the restaurant, her daughter dragged her to Incheon. In order to fufill Tae Joo's request, Kang Gook had eaten Ttteokboki almost every night for two weeks to find the perfect place. Not too spicy, not too sweet, and just the right amount of fishcake. Tae Joo was picky about a lot of things, but he was especially picky when it came to Tteokboki. Despite having two weeks to find a sufficient replacement, none of them were quite right. They used flour cakes instead of ddeok, or they didn’t use any fish cake, or it was too sweet, or not sweet enough, it was as if he could hear the whiny pitch of Tae Joo's voice with every failed candidate. With the amount of Tteokboki places in Seoul he had thought this would have been an easy mission, but after what felt like hundreds of Tteokboki meals he still wasn't any closer to finding something that would be remotely satisfactory to Tae Joo.

As he scrolled through more restaurants his phone buzzed, notifying him Tae Joo had just shared some photos with him. He sighed as he dismissed the notification because he last pictures he sent filled him with a surge of annoyance. They were of him and some girl Kang Gook had never seen before clinging to his wasit and soaking in the shine of Tae Joo's smile. It must be nice he can just flirt his way around Japan while I'm here in tteokboki hell. he scoffed and rolled his eyes before sticking his phone back in his pocket. Where the fuck am I? he glanced around the unfamiliar street. He had walked to the dojo from their apartment hundreds of times, but in his distraction he must wrong turn somewhere. As he wandered around the alleyways, a bright red neon light shined in his periphery. He and Tae Joo had lived in this neighborhood so long, he thought that they knew all of the restaurants around, but he had never seen this place before. Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try one more time Kang Gook thought as he dropped a pin in his location so he could come back later.

+++

“Come in, come in! Have a seat and I will be right out!” an Ajumma called from the kitchen. The restaurant looked like it had just been taken out of a box and the owner hadn’t gotten around to assembling it. Everything was wrapped in plastic, paint tarps were still draped over the floor, save for one small table next to the window. Kang Gook's legs itched to just walk back out the way he came before the Ajumma saw him. Maybe he could come back when she was more prepared, truthfully, he wasn’t even sure if she could open like this. There's gotta be some kind of law about restaurant safety? Maybe health codes..? Kang Gook took one step back towards the exit resolved to make his getaway when a giant box of napkins with a pair of short legs burst through the kitchen door.

“We’re still getting set up, I’m sorry about the mess!” The ahjumma's muffled voice called from behind the large box. She sounded out of breath.

"Do you..." Kang Gook hurried towards the box which looked like it was dangerously close to slipping out of her small hands. "Here let me get that for you."

The ahjumma let out a sigh of relief as she handed over the box. “Thank you so much. You can set that there-- and oh! You were waiting! You must be hungry! We just opened and I haven— Omo! Omo omo!” she grabbed Kang Gook's forearms, eyeing his profile. “You’re so handsome! Like one of the boys in my manhwa. Put that down put that down!" she gestured at the counter before guiding him to the open table, one hand still firmly holding him in her grip. Despite how she looked carrying those boxes earlier she is suprisingly strong. “Please, sit. Sit!” She pushed into the chair with so much force a soft gasp escaped his lungs. “Are you hungry? What do you want? I can make almost anything but I make tteokboki the best. What do you like?”

“Tteo—” Kang Gook started, but the ahjumma continued listing all of the dishes in her repertoire, mostly various times of ganshik and ahnju. “Just.. just tteokboki” he interjected when she was paused for a breath.

“Just tteokboki? With cheese or green onions? Ramyeon? Do you want some ha-?”

“Just!.." He started a little louder than he intended "just the tteokboki” Kang Gook attempted to flash one of the sweet smiles Tae Joo always used to get what he wanted, he knew it probably looked awkward on him but the ahjumma was kind enough not to mention it. That or she didn't even notice because it was almost as if before he finished his sentence she was already headed back to the kitchen.

“One tteoboki!” she yelled, at seemingly no one in particular. When she finally emerged with tteokboki in her hands, she was grinning ear to ear.

“So you don’t have a girlfriend then? Because my daughter is about your age and” she placed the tteokboki in front of him, “I am sure she would love to meet you. I think you’re just her type” she said with a wink.

“Oh-- what? No.. I--" Kang Gook was both flustered and confused. When did she ask about that? Was there something he said tha-- "So you do have a girlfriend?" "No-- I mean I don't bu--" "Great! She's usually here so I can introduce you next time. She's just as pretty as her mother" The ahjumma winked again. Kang Gook nodded his head letting out a weak "neh" as he made a mental note to never bring Tae Joo here. I'm sorry Tae Joo. No matter how good the ddeokboki is...

“What are you waiting for?! Eat! Eat!" Ushered the ahjumma in a fashion that was a little to aggressive for his taste, and still he nodded obediently as he fumbled around under the table looking for the drawer of utensils. "Ah! Mata!" The ahjumma reached into a box sitting off to the side and pulled out a pair of takeaway chopsticks. "I haven't had time to set everything completely" she sat the chopsticks down gingerly "and I'm still not sure where the utensil box went" she muttered under her breath, the red flush of her skin betraying a shred of embarrassment. Kang Gook quickly unwrapped the chopsticks and hesitated before he put a piece of ddeok into his mouth. Truthfully, his expectations were pretty low. After two weeks of endless tteokboki meals, he had accepted that he may just have to track down the old halmoni and learn to cook it himself, otherwise Tae Joo might whine about it forever. But, as he chewed that first piece of ddeok he found that... it wasn’t bad. In fact, the ddeok was firm and chewy without getting too fat and sticky, while the flavor wasn’t overly sweet or spicy.

As he walked home, he debated whether he should really take Tae Joo there. If the Ahjumma was like this towards Kang Gook, she would be even worse with Tae Joo. And unlike Kang Gook, Tae Joo might actually take her up on the invitation to meet her daughter, which would likely end in them searching for another tteokboki place. 'Ugh!" He groaned, I definitely don't want to do this again... or maybe he thought, maybe he didn’t give Tae Joo enough credit. Tae Joo took his tteokboki very seriously, and if it was good enough, no woman would be worth the risk.

++

When Tae Joo returned, the first thing he wanted to do was watch a movie. He kept following Kang Gook around like a baby chick. Normally it would drive him up the wall, but maybe because they had been apart for so long, Kang Gook actually kind of enjoyed it, not that he’d ever give the other boy any indication. That would only make him more… insufferable.

“Can you please just, sit down and study or something?” He asked his restless roommate, as he unloaded the washing machine.

“Didn’t you miss me?” Tae Joo pestered while the other tried to focus on separating the clothes that needed to be hand dried versus the ones he could throw in the machine. “Gook ahhhh” Tae Joo whined in a bid for his attention. Kang Gook made a concerted effort to ignore the ripple of goose bumps that erupted down his spine because there was something about the way he said his name that was making his conscious body react in a way it didn’t before he left.

“Do you plan on going to school naked?” he glanced sideways to study Tae Joo’s expression. His nose was scrunched up and his eyes were big and wide. It was almost childish but...

Kang Gook closed his eyes and let out a sigh. “Just let me finish, and we can do something after. Okay?” Tae Joo huffed of discontent in response, he wasn't very patient and Kang Gook would never admit that he found it endearing.

He closed the washing machine, “Unless you want to help” he gestured towards the pile of damp clothing that needed to be hung. Tae Joo pursed his lips before mumbling “fine” and announcing that tonight they would be watching a very scary movie as payback. He knew the other hated horror films. Normally he would argue, but something about seeing the other boy for the first time in two weeks made him feel especially weak.

“Whatever you want. Just give me an hour.”

Tae Joo decided on a romantic comedy, which wasn’t exactly Kang Gook’s preference, but it was better than a horror film.

“I should just sit on the ground I suppose?” Tae Joo was stretched out long across the couch leaving no space for Kang Gook. It reminded him of how dogs stretch out in the sunshine. Tae Joo sat up and patted on the spot where his head had just been. Kang Gook shook his head before throwing a pillow down on the ground to sit on.

“Gook-ahhh” Tae Joo whined crossing his arms. Kang Gook closed his eyes for a moment and threw his head back in exasperation. He didn’t know why he even bothered to resist.

“You’re a little too big to be a lap dog Tae Joo” Kang Gook shot as he slid into his assigned spot. Tae Joo made a face that could only be described as a bemused scowl, before crossing his arms and leaning into the back of the couch.

“You better not fall asleep this time” Tae Joo grumbled, holding his hand out for the remote. Kang Gook nodded as he covered himself with Tae Joo’s blanket. Tae Joo yanked it slightly out of spite before Kang Gook shot him a look. Tae Joo mouthed “what” before releasing his grip. And that’s how it went with them most days. Tae Joo demanding things, and Kang Gook putting up resistance, but inevitably giving in. One could describe it as a professional obligation, but even if Kang Gook wasn’t his employee, he would probably let Tae Joo have his way eventually.

+++

The situation itself had been just like one of hundreds of nights Gook and Tae Joo had spent together, but for whatever reason something had been different. Tae Joo suspected it was the movie, but he couldn’t be sure. Maybe it happened before the movie. Maybe the change occurred when he was deciding on the movie, or months or years before and the heat had slowly been building until it needed to be released. Regardless of the reason, Tae Joo found himself sitting next to Gook, and all he could think about was what it would feel like to touch him like the characters in the movie.

He didn’t know why he picked that movie, but he didn’t expect that he would feel the way he did watching it. Something about the ease with which the two characters were able to fall in love with one another was tantalizing. Why couldn’t it be like that? Gook was always worried that something might happen if Tae Joo let his curiosity get the better of him, but maybe it was simpler than that. He felt frustrated and annoyed with Gook, but he wasn’t exactly sure why. He never actively stopped Tae Joo from flirting with men or responding to their advances, but he didn’t seem to respond in the same way he did when Tae Joo dated women. He seemed more irritable, which Tae Joo attributed to Gook’s concern over what would happen should his exploits be exposed. Having many girlfriends was one thing, engaging in homosexual behavior was a whole other beast. Should the wrong person find out, such activities could be leveraged by his father’s competitors in numerous ways to harm him and the company, which Tae Joo knew was of upmost important to his father. But even though he could acknowledge that his lack of exploration wasn’t really Gook’s fault, he was still annoyed with him.

Tae Joo shot a couple glances at Gook, who seemed too immersed in the movie to notice his scowl. He sighed a couple times hoping to get his attention to no avail. His frustration mounted until he faked a yawn, stood up and said “I think I’m going to go to bed” dryly. He didn’t wait for a response before sulking off to the bedroom. He expected Gook to follow him, but to his surprise Gook continued watching the movie without him, which made him angrier. He thought about walking back out and just turning off the tv. Or maybe he could tell Gook he wasn’t feeling well and tell him to sleep on the couch. Or maybe…

Tae Joo continued to make lists of petty ways he could get back at Gook until he heard him walk into the room. Gook didn’t say anything, maybe he had assumed Tae Joo was asleep. Tae Joo huffed audibly, with no response. He felt Gook crawl into bed with careful movements. Tae Joo slightly turned his head and noticed Gook had his back to him. Tae Joo let out another huff before punching his pillows under the pretense of fluffing them, followed by yanking the sheet over his head and, for all he knew, off of Kang Gook.

              A few moments passed and Tae Joo could hear Gook’s careful breathing as the bed shifted slightly. Tae Joo felt an arm reach out to pull him into Gook’s chest, his bottom resting against… Gook. The piece of Gook that Tae Joo had wondered about before, fully erect and pressing firmly against his bottom. He shifted his hips slightly, “Yes, that’s what I think it is” he thought.

+++

They say that when you watch someone kiss on screen, you involuntarily purse your lips as well.  Kang Gook had absolutely done so as he watched the two leads kiss for the first time. It wasn’t like the kisses you see on television, but deep kiss full of longing and pent-up tension. In addition to pursing his lips he found his body responding in other involuntary ways. Never had he been more thankful for the barrier of a pillow and a blanket than at this moment. He tried listing the kings of the Silla period in his mind and averting his eyes to dampen the effect, but such actions were in vain as his body continued responding to the sound of the men exploring their emotions. And it wasn’t just him. He had noticed Tae Joo’s hand tapping on the cushion of the couch, which was generally something Tae Joo did when he was irritated, but Kang Gook didn’t have it in him to ask right at that moment. All of his attention was being directed at trying to suppress what was happening in his pants.

Moments later he heard Tae Joo yawn before announcing he was going to bed. Kang Gook couldn’t look at him like this. After all the dreams he had had the last few months, he couldn’t help imagining Tae Joo underneath him, pressed up against a wall and running his fingers through his hair, like the actors in the movie. If he looked at Tae Joo, he wasn’t sure Tae Joo might see in his face and he was sure it would make him uncomfortable. At that point, he wasn’t really watching the movie anymore, he was just trying to calm himself down before heading to the bedroom. He considered just sleeping on the couch but knew that might also lead to an argument with Tae Joo. Even when he was sick, Tae Joo didn’t like Kang Gook sleeping on the couch, he only ever asked when he was angry, and even then, he usually changed his mind.

After about 30 minutes, he assumed Tae Joo must be asleep. His erection hadn’t fully disappeared, but it wasn’t as blaring as it had been before. In the dark, it likely wouldn’t be visible. He quietly crept into the bedroom and kept his back to Tae Joo’s sleeping form. He crawled into bed as gingerly as he good and let out the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. Immediately after, he felt Tae Joo shift around angrily before pulling the blanket off of Kang Gook.

His next move was second nature, like he was Pavlov’s dog or something. When Tae Joo was upset, his instinct was to hold him, which is exactly what he did. He pulled Tae Joo into his chest, wrapping him in his arms. He didn’t realize right away that he was still partially erect, until he felt Tae Joo’s hips move against him. The slight movement of his hips brought life back to the part of him that had only moments ago begun to calm.

Kang Gook had so many thoughts rushing through his head it was hard to focus on one, but he knew he needed to put space between his groin and Tae Joo. He kept Tae Joo in his arms, while trying to push his butt backwards so that there was no longer contact below the waist. Almost as if Tae Joo read his mind, Tae Joo pushed his bottom back into Kang Gook, shifting back and forth like a dog trying to make itself comfortable. Kang Gook willed his body to listen to him and stop responding to Tae Joo’s movement, but it didn’t make a difference. Kang Gook’s body was already enjoying the motion of Tae Joo’s hips and making it very apparent.

+++

              His first two movements were out of curiosity. Tae Joo hadn’t been exactly sure what he was feeling, but his suspicions were confirmed when he felt Gook’s body responding to the wiggle of his hips on his second attempt. Part of him wanted to laugh, but there was another part of him that didn’t find the situation all that humorous. This same part caused heat to rise in his body and him to become fully aware of where Gook’s hands were on his body. Perhaps it was also this part that inspired him to move his hips third time. He chalked it up to curiosity, something like a game. How excited can we make Gook before he gets mad? Or something, but despite how he rationalized it, when he pressed himself up against Gook for the third time, he could feel his heart begin to race and his own body beginning to respond. Although he couldn’t see him, he could feel Gooks’ face millimeters from his neck, his hot breath sending shivers down Tae Joo’s spine. It felt like fire in contrast with the temperature of the room. Gook nuzzled into Tae Joo’s neck, and he could feel Gook’s soft lips touch the skin below his hairline. It wasn’t like he was kissing him exactly, but rather he was breathing Tae Joo in as close as he could possibly get.

Tae Joo found himself responding without thinking, continuing his circular movement with his hips, as he moved his hand to meet Gook’s on his chest, before leading it down to his hips. He felt Gook grab his ass before moving up Tae Joo’s shirt, along his waist, exposing his abdomen. Tae Joo felt like he was burning up. He wasn’t sure if it was it was much warmer in Seoul than Osaka, or if it was because of Gook, but it didn’t really matter. He felt something soft and wet touch the back of his neck as Gook began laying kisses along the dip between Tae Joo’s neck and shoulder blade, then up towards his ear. Tae Joo closed his eyes and a soft “oh” escaped his mouth. Tae Joo could feel Gook smile against his neck, as he continued planting kisses. Gook ran his fingers down Tae Joo’s abdomen before reaching the elastic of his pants.

+++

Kang Gook paused, unsure if whether he should continue. Up until this point, nothing much had really happened. What if Tae Joo became upset? What if this was too far? His body was aching for him to keep going, but there was something in Kang Gook’s mind that was unsure. As he hesitated, Tae Joo’s hand reached out to guide him down, past the elastic border. He could feel his heart beating quicker, this was all real. This was happening. He could hear Tae Joo’s breathing shake has he worked his way down his groin.

The first thing he came into contact was some rough hair, which led him to… Tae Joo. It was sort of strange at first, the texture wasn’t unfamiliar. It felt similar to his own, soft, but so firm. He wrapped his hand around it and Tae Joo let out another “Oh”, this one louder than the last. Kang Gook’s mind went blank, and his only desire was to make Tae Joo elicit another. He placed his thumb on the tip, which had been wet from Tae Joo’s own excitement, and he began to softly rub in a circular motion before pulling down on the shaft again. He felt Tae Joo’s hand reach around the back of Kang Gook’s head, pulling him into his neck. Kang Gook worked his mouth along Tae Joo’s ear lobe and down his neck, while his hand massaged Tae Joo’s balls before returning to his shaft.

Kang Gook wasn’t sure if touching someone else would feel the same as when he touched himself, but he hoped it would have a similar effect as he began pulling back and forth in a familiar motion. Tae Joo’s hips began moving in tandem with his strokes, grinding back up against Kang Gook, and forward into Kang Gook’s fist. He pulled on Kang Gook’s hair, his breathing becoming more labored. It all happened so quickly, but suddenly his hand felt wet and Tae Joo was shivering against him. He slowed his movements and released his grip, laying a few more kisses on Tae Joo’s neck. Tae Joo pressed his face into his pillow, looking utterly exhausted, his face flushed, and his bangs stuck to his forehead from sweat. His clothes were disheveled, his shirt stretched and barely covering his torso, while his pants were pushed down, barely covering his ass and exposing a small crop of hair on his lower abdomen. Kang Gook removed his hand and wiped the mess on the side of his pajama pants. He wrapped his arms around the crumpled Tae Joo and laid kisses on the parts of his shoulders that were exposed. From behind, he began pulling up Tae Joo’s pants and fixing his shirt, when Tae Joo grabbed his hand. He pressed back against Gook, and brought his fingers to his mouth. “Oh fuck” escaped Kang Gook’s mouth, as his fingers explored Tae Joo’s mouth. He ran his fingers along Tae Joo’s lips before pressing them back in, and Tae Joo began to suck. Kang Gook began rubbing himself against Tae Joo’s backside, unable to focus on anything but the parts of his body that were in contact with Tae Joo.

Tae Joo reached behind him and began massaging the outside of Kang Gook’s pants with his hand. All of it was beyond what Kang Gook could handle. The feeling of Tae Joo’s hand embracing him, his mouth wrapped around Kang Gook’s fingers, the look Tae Joo had when he finished, Kang Gook found himself easily reaching his climax in his pants with only the touch of Tae Joo from the outside. “Ahhh” Kang Gook shuddered.

Tae Joo chuckled softly, “That was easy”, before removing his hand from Kang Gook. Tae Joo rolled over on his back and let out a big sigh as he stretched out long, his pants still wet from their encounter with Kang Gook, and his shirt rising up so it exposed his belly. He announced he was going to get cleaned up and walked away. Kang Gook laid staring at the ceiling in disbelief of what had just happened. It felt like one of his dreams, but unlike he dreams, he hadn’t woken up. He was still there, covered in himself and Tae Joo, with Tae Joo’s scent swirling around his nostrils.

+++

If Kang Gook had known it would be like nothing had ever happened when he woke up, he would’ve tried harder to stay awake. And if he hadn’t had his clothing covered in his own mess for proof, he would’ve brushed it off as another dream. But there it was at the top of their laundry basket next to Tae Joo’s soiled clothing. Despite the evidence, Tae Joo seemed to be keen on acting like nothing was out of the ordinary. For the first time in their entire time together, Tae Joo had woken up before Kang Gook, which startled Kang Gook when he woke up. The bed was so cold and lonely without Tae Joo in it. He wondered if Tae Joo had felt like this every time he got up before him. He wanted to go hold him for a while and breathe him in, so he rolled out of bed to look for him. He found him cross legged in front of the coffee table, working on his history homework.

“Did you sleep okay?” grinned Kang Gook sheepishly.

“Sort of.” Tae Joo responded without looking up. “Do you think people in the Joseon Dynasty supported the Japanese occupation because of their socioeconomic class? Like was it mostly the poor or…?” Tae Joo looked up at Kang Gook, who must have looked dumbfounded, because he didn’t finish his thought. “Oh nevermind” he said waving his hand before looking back down at his text. Kang Gook scratched the back of his head, not really sure what to make of the situation. He tried to rack his brain for any upcoming history exams they had, which might cause Tae Joo to do school work so early in the morning, but he couldn’t think of anything.

“Ya, Tae Joo—” before he could finish, Tae Joo interrupted.

“Don’t forget, I promised Hyeon Jyeong we’d see a movie later. She wants to see a horror movie” he looked up at Kang Gook “Mian” he raised his hand and smiled slightly, not at all apologetic. Kang Gook nodded his head, taking stock of the situation. Ahhh Hyeon Jyeong, he thought. Yes. Hyeon Jeong. His date. Yeah. He stood there frozen for a moment, thinking about what an idiot he was, before walking into the kitchen to look for something to prepare for breakfast.

Chapter Text

+++

“I think you could’ve dodged that” Kang Gook said eyeing the cut next to Tae Joo’s eye. He had just been punched for stealing Pil Hyeon’s girlfriend… for the third time.

“I probably deserved it” grinned Tae Joo. Kang Gook didn’t argue. It had been a month since Tae Joo came back from Japan. A month since the incident, which Kang Gook had since convinced himself was just a very vivid dream. For a few weeks after, Tae Joo would only talk about the girls he was dating. Kang Gook was pretty sure he was trying to send a message, but it wasn’t necessary. Kang Gook understood on that first day, and he felt like such an idiot. They were completely different, a master and his servant. Tae Joo takes what he wants and Kang Gook folds. After a few days of self-pity and self-loathing, he decided it was best just to add it to the dreams he had collected and let it go. He had done a pretty good job for the most part.

 “You should really cut Pil-Hyeon a break” mumbled Kang Gook as he applied ointment to the cut.

“Ah!” whined Tae Joo as Kang Gook blotted the wound. Kang Gook rolled his eyes

“Stay still”, he said sharply. He lowered his voice slightly, “Some people take these type of things seriously Tae Joo” continued Kang Gook.

“What do you mean?” asked Tae Joo, studying Kang Gook’s face.

“I think… “ Kang Gook started, trying to gather his words carefully, “I think there are a lot of people who… date in different ways, for different reasons than you.” He opened up a bandaid. “Like, Pil-Hyeon really liked Hyeon Jeong. Did you like her so much you had to take her from him?” Kang Gook asked as he applied the bandaid to Tae Joo’s face.

Tae Joo retorted “I didn’t take anyone! She came to me, I just let her” Kang Gook rolled his eyes. Tae Joo was a flirt. He had seen him talk to girls, so he knew that “she came to me” was total BS.

Tae Joo hit Kang Gook in the chest, “Are you siding with Pil Hyeon?? I can’t believe you would side with the person that hit me instead of the person you are sworn to protect!” Tae Joo said dramatically before pouting in Kang Gook’s direction.

Kang Gook laughed, “I’m sorry. You’re right. You’re just too irresistible, okay?” he said shaking his head.

Tae Joo looked at Kang Gook and raised his finger to respond “I—”.

Kang Gook turned to look at Tae Joo “You…” he mimicked raising his eyebrow.

“Ugh!” shouted Tae Joo before throwing his face into the couch cushion. Kang Gook went to return the first aid kit to the closet and throw away the trash, and when he returned Tae Joo was laying on his side.

“You should have protected me. What are we going to do about my beautiful face?” he said pointing at the small bandaid on his cheek.

Kang Gook rolled his eyes again and said, “Yesterday you said you could beat me in a match”, he pushed Tae Joo’s legs to the side and sat down next to him. “If you’re so strong, you should be able to defend yourself” Kang Gook said, amused by the look on Tae Joo’s face.

Tae Joo sat up so that he was eye level with Kang Gook, “I— I can beat you!” he said pushing his finger into Kang Gook’s face.

Kang Gook scoffed, “Okay. You can beat me” he said looking for the remote. When his back was turned Tae Joo grabbed his shoulders and tackled him to the floor. He climbed on top of Kang Gook, pinning his shoulders to the ground. Kang Gook found Tae Joo’s insistence that he could beat him cute, but knew that he couldn’t stand a chance.

Tae Joo pushed his forearm down on Kang Gook’s chest, before saying with a smile on his face “I could kill you right now if I wanted”. Kang Gook stifled a laugh. He knew Tae Joo was trying to be intimidating, but Kang Gook never found him threatening. To Kang Gook Tae Joo was just… he couldn’t think of the word. As he went to make his counter attack Tae Joo brought his face closer to Kang Gook’s, and Kang Gook froze. He could feel Tae Joos breath on his cheek, and for a moment, he forgot what they were doing. Tae Joo then grabbed Kang Gook’s earlobe softly before running his finger along his ear. He had been really good at not thinking about Tae Joo like this, but this was too much. Tae Joo’s smell, his touch, his mouth... he shoved Tae Joo off of him. Tae Joo went flying back and hit his shoulder on the ground.

“Aish! I was just playing around! That hurt!” he shouted, nursing his shoulder.  Why did I do that? thought Kang Gook in a panic. It was just a dream after all, it didn’t mean anything. But despite what he told himself, he knew it wasn’t a dream. It had all been very real and up until now, he had done such a good job so it hadn’t really been an issue. Kang Gook’s face felt warm and his heart was racing.

“Are you okay?” he said, rushing over to Tae Joo.

Tae Joo continued to massage his shoulder and pout, “I don’t know. It’s probably broken forever and I’ll never be able to use it again”. Tae Joo frowned. Kang Gook started to say something but then thought the better of himself and got up to grab Tae Joo some ice for his shoulder. By the time he came back from the kitchen Tae Joo was sitting on the couch watching television and his shoulder seemed fine. Kang Gook set the bowl with ice in it down firmly on the table with a “clang.”

“It seems like your shoulder is gonna be fine huh?”, and Tae Joo just shrugged in response. Kang Gook shook his head before going to the couch to join him.

+++

When Kang Gook woke up Tae Joo was facing him. The bandaid he had applied last night seemed to be coming off and the cut underneath was exposed. Kang Gook reached out and gingerly pushed the adhesive part back on his skin. We’ll have to put a new one on after he washes his face, Kang Gook thought to himself. After Kang Gook pressed the bandage back on Tae Joos face, he hesitated a moment. Despite all of the things he told himself, there were moments when he couldn’t look away from Tae Joo and this was one of them. His bangs were out of place and his mouth was slightly open. His long eyelashes casted a soft shadow which created a contrast on his beautiful porcelain skin. Tae Joo wasn’t pale like porcelain, but his skin looked so smooth and delicate that it seemed as if one touch could cause it to crack. Kang Gook softly brushed his thumb over Tae Joo’s cheek and in that moment, Tae Joo’s eyes began to open.

Kang Gook quickly pulled his hand away and threw his arms over his head like he had just woken up and was stretching. Tae Joo blinked a couple times before closing his eyes again.

“Wha im I t?” Tae Joo said sleepily.

Kang Gook let out a small laugh “what did you just say?”

Tae Joo smacked his lips a little bit before asking again “What time is it?”, much more intelligibly the second time.

Kang Gook looked at his phone, “6:30” turned towards Tae Joo, who hadn’t moved, “you should try to get up, I’ll get some breakfast together”. He patted Tae Joo’s head before jumping out of bed.

+++

When Tae Joo awoke, he thought he could feel someone stroking his cheek. It reminded him of his mother, who he often dreamed about. He figured he must have dreamt about her last night and hadn’t been fully awake. Kang Gook hopped out of bed to make breakfast while Tae Joo did his best to pry his eyes open. He turned over onto his back and stared at the ceiling as he tried to kickstart his brain. A moment later Gook came into the room and threw some clothes at Tae Joo.

“Bad news” he said taking off of his pajama shirt and grabbed a button up from the closet “We don’t have any food, so we’re gonna have to eat out.” He pulled off his pajama pants quickly and put on some khaki slacks for school. “Lets go” he said as he lightly smacked the bottom of Tae Joo’s feet. Tae Joo groaned again before sitting up.

“I can’t. I’m dead.” But Gook didn’t hear him because he was in the living room getting their school bags together. “Gook-aaahhh!” Tae Joo whined throwing flailing his body around the bed and kicking the blankets.

Gook came back into the room, “What? What are you doing? Come on. Get dressed!” he said pushing Tae Joo back up into a seating position. Tae Joo raised his arms over his head.

“Really?” Gook looked at him in disbelief.

Tae Joo shook his body again, “You said I was going to have time to wake up” he pouted. “And it’s your job to go grocery shopping.” Tae Joo shook his arms again.

“Allaseo. Allaseo” said Gook, as he reached to pull off Tae Joo’s shirt. “Are you feeling okay?” asked Gook as he reached out to feel Tae Joo’s forehead. “You look a little pink.” Tae Joo brought his hands to his cheeks. He thought it was strange, just the effect of sitting up to quickly, but when Gook reached up Tae Joo’s shirt, his heart was pounding. He had made a decision not to think about that night. It was the best for everyone and it just got away from them both. But Gook’s hands brushing against his abdomen, it still sent chills down his spine. He remembered that touch.

“Should I call the doctor?” Gook asked, his hand still resting on Tae Joo’s forehead.

“No! No.. it’s fine. I feel fine.” He held out his arms so that Gook could begin threading his arms through each of the sleeves before carefully buttoning up Tae Joo’s shirt.

Tae Joo watched Gook as he fiddled with the buttons on his shirt, his hands were too big... Tae Joo could feel his cheeks turn a deeper shade of pink at the thought of Gook’s hands and he looked away. Gook continued working with the buttons as Tae Joo tried to think of how many stairs there must be in all of Seoul. “Ddwaesseo”, Gook said as he finished. “Stand up” he commanded, pulling pants from behind him.

Tae Joo almost fell out of bed. “NO” he practically yelled, “Er, no. That’s okay. I think I’ve got this one.” He peeled his slacks from Gook’s hands. “I feel pretty awake now” he stated as he stretched in a way that probably looked about as natural as it felt.

“Suit yourself” shrugged Gook “You have 5 minutes or we just don’t eat today” Gook said as he headed back towards the living room.

“Aish!” cried Tae Joo, before he pulled off his pajama pants and put on his slacks. Moments later he came shuffling out into the living room to see Gook sitting on the couch waiting for him.

“Are you rea-“ Gook started before seeing Tae Joo, “Aigo..” he said standing up. He walked over to Tae Joo and pushed him into the bathroom. Taking a little bit of water from the sink he flattened out some of the hair that had been sticking up. The water was cold and Tae Joo was sure to let Gook know, but he didn’t seem to care. He just rolled his eyes and continued to splash him.

“You should wash your face too” said Gook, but Tae Joo just let out an exasperated sigh. “Allaseo, allaseo, lets at least change this” he said, pointing to the bandaid. He directed Tae Joo to sit on the toilet as he grabbed the first aid kit. When he returned, he pulled off the old bandaid, which stung a bit. Tae Joo couldn’t pass up the opportunity to whine a little at Gook. Gook responded by blowing lightly on the spot.

The feeling of Gook’s breath against his skin… “Ahh.. dwaesso” he pushed away Gook and reached his hand out for the bandaid “I’ll do it myself”.

Gook stood up straight and placed the bandaid in Tae Joo’s hand. “Well this is a first.” Smirked Gook.

“It’s because you have the delicate touch of an ape” shot Tae Joo as he eyed himself in the mirror and applied the bandaid. Behind him, he could see Gook frowning as he placed the box of bandaids back into the medicine box.

“Come on. We’re late” grumbled Gook, as he shoved the medicine box in the closet with a loud thud that made Tae Joo jump.

“YAH!”

“Mian” said Gook sharply. Tae Joo glanced behind him and watched Gook’s back as he exited the bathroom. He turned his attention back to his reflection as he carefully placed the bandaid on his cheek and pressed down his hair with the palms of his hands.

 “What are you doing? Let’s go, I’m starving!” Tae Joo said, as if he had been the one waiting for Gook all morning.

+++

“Well?” Kang Gook said as he threw his arm over Tae Joo’s shoulder “Did you want to try that tteokboki place or would you rather go with Gi Ppeum?” Kang Gook smirked, eyeing Tae Joo out of the corner of his eye.

Tae Joo shouldered Kang Gook in the chest, pushing his arm off and began to whine “You’ve been promising you would take me there since I got back! You are so mean to me Kang Gook” he whined, completely disregarding Kang Gook’s comment about Gi PPeum. Tae Joo stomped ahead of him while Kang Gook stuck behind, grinning to himself as he rubbed his chest where Tae Joo had shouldered him. He’s a lot stronger than he seems, thought Kang Gook. Tae Joo stopped suddenly and turned around. His arms were crossed and he was puffing out his lower lip. He began stomping his feet and yelled “Gook-Ah!”

Kang Gook stopped, startled “Tae Joo” he said looking around “stop”.

“Gook-Ah!” Tae Joo said louder. He was acting like a toddler throwing a tantrum. He knew the attention made Kang Gook uncomfortable.

“What?” he said, raising his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay? What do you want?” Kang Gook stepped closer to Tae Joo, lowering his voice in hopes that people would stop staring.

Tae Joo leaned close and whispered, “Cheese” Kang Gook could feel his breath tickling his ear, “and Ham.” The hairs on the back of his neck were standing up. 

“Yah!” Kang Gook pushed him away.

Tae Joo opened his eyes as wide as he could and made his hands into fists “Gook-ah!” he shouted again, but this time he put all of his aegyo into it.

“Okay. Okay. Whatever you want. Just please stop looking at me like that” said Kang Gook as he turned to walk away. “Like what?” teased Tae Joo. “Like this?” Tae Joo asked as he cupped his face in his hands and pushed out his cheeks.

Kang Gook looked back and stifled a laugh. “If you don’t hurry up, you wont have time to eat before school.”

“Gook-ah!” shouted Tae Joo as he ran after him.

+++

It was the first time a girl had ever paid attention to Gook instead of him. Good. He should experiment, like I said before, Tae Joo thought.

 “You should do something before she figures out your boring” teased Tae Joo. The daughter of the restaurant ahjumma showed up while they were eating that morning. She seemed to take an interest in Gook. As they were sitting there trying to eat, she was asking him all kinds of questions about what movies he watches, what his parents do, what he does for fun, and the like. Tae Joo was a little annoyed because he wasn’t used to not being the center of attention, but he also found it kind of funny seeing Gook clam up. Tae Joo forgot that Gook could be kind of quiet around people, because he was never like when it was just them. He was always making jokes and smiled so easily.

Gook shot him a side glance, “I didn’t actually give her my number.”

Tae Joo stopped walking “What, why would you do that!?” Tae Joo scolded Gook, but his face didn’t match his tone. While attempting to evoke his disappointment, a grin had spread across his face.

Gook shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t have time to date. I already have someone to take care of all the time” he said, glancing at Tae Joo out of the side of his eyes, “and I have to follow him on all his dates.”

Tae Joo’s ears began to turn pink at Gook’s remarks, and they both got quiet. After a few minutes Tae Joo said quietly, “You know you don’t have to come with me” he paused before adding “I take Judo classes. I can take care of myself.” And threw up his arms in a defensive position.

Gook turned towards Tae Joo and tapped his bandaid “OW!” Tae Joo brought his hand to his face.

“Yeah, you can take care of yourself” Gook rolled his eyes. “We’re going to be late” he said grabbing Tae Joo’s arm and pulling him into a run in the direction of the school.

Chapter Text

+++

Tae Joo had been pestering Kang Gook about dating all morning. Every time they got a break, he would say something about how he needs to “experiment” and “sow his wild oats”, or some suerregi. When would I even have time to date? Kang Gook thought, as he finished the carton of milk in his hand. He glanced over and saw Pil Hyeon walking their direction. What does this asshole want now? He thought. He could understand Pil Hyeon, there had been many times when he also wanted to punch Tae Joo, but he actually did it. And despite all the times he had thought about it, he could never actually hurt him, not just because of his job but because it was Tae Joo. Which is why, despite understanding Pil Hyeon, he was not exactly happy to see him walking towards them.

“What do you want?” Kang Gook stepped in front of Tae Joo.

“Call of your cronie” Pil Hyeon threw his hands up in the air, “I come in peace.” Kang Gook squeezed his hands into fists, but before he could respond he felt Tae Joo’s hand on his shoulder.

“It’s fine, I can handle this remember?” he said softly so that only Kang Gook could hear him. “I didn’t steal another one of your girlfriends, I promise.” Tae Joo raised his right hand as if making an oath.

“What? Oh… this isn’t about that… really. I guess… well… actually you know what, its not really about that. Look.” He looked down at his feet “I don’t really know why, but my dad told me to apologize to you.” He ran his hand through the back of his hair, “so… I’m sorry I guess...” he looked up “for hitting you I mean” Some kind of apology… Kang Gook shoved his hands in his pockets and rolled his eyes.

“I probably deserved it” grinned Tae Joo as he stuck out his hand “truce?”

“Uhhh…” Pil Hyeon looked around “sure I guess”

“Great!” Tae Joo threw his arm around Pil Hyeon, throwing him into a headlock. “Now you have to be my friend so I won’t date one of your girlfriends ever again” Tae Joo teased.

“Yah!” Pil Hyeon yelled as he tried to get out of Tae Joo’s hold. Kang Gook would be proud of him, but he could feel anger rising up in his belly.

“You’re in trouble! I know a special weak point” teased Tae Joo, as his hand grabbed Pil Hyeon’s earlobe.

“What ar—” before Pil Hyeon could finish his sentence, a loud “YAH!” rang through the corridor. Kang Gook was holding Tae Joo by the wrist and he looked furious.

“Just forget what you heard the other day, and if I find out you talked to anyone about it, you won’t be talking to Tae Joo next time” He pulled Tae Joo away, down the stairs, and out of the building.

++

“What was that about?” Tae Joo asked, trying to get Gook to face him. He had never seen Gook so angry. His eyes had always been a warm copper color, but in that moment they seemed dark brown almost black. He felt like Gook didn’t even need to know how to fight, he could just look at people like that and they would back down.

“You know we can’t afford another incident.”, Gook started without looking Tae Joo in the eye, “I don’t want y-- us to get into more trouble.” Tae Joo nodded without responding. “The chairman is already trying to send you to London as it is.” Gook turned to lean against the wall. “Maybe I should just let him send you.” His words felt like an arrow in Tae Joo’s chest. “You’re so strong now, it’s not like you need a body guard anyway”, he said looking up at Tae Joo with a forced smile.

Tae Joo’s mouth felt dry, “Don’t say that ever again.” He didn’t yell or pout, he was actually angry this time, which was a feeling Tae Joo didn’t feel very often. It wasn’t just anger though, it was like a weight had dropped in the pit of his stomach.

Gook nodded and said “It was a joke, I’m sorry.” How could he even joke about that? Tae Joo thought, turning his back to Gook.  

“Well it’s not funny.” He shot. A silence fell between the two that was sharp and cold, like a thin sheet of ice so brittle and delicate that it could break any second and leave you sinking in a pool of freezing water.  All you could hear was the sound of students chittering in the building. Neither of the two broke the silence, instead the school alarm rang in and burst the spell they were both under.

“Do you want to have a bout later?” asked Gook as they walked quietly back to their class. Tae Joo turned his head slightly, but didn’t look at Kang Gook, “yeah” he responded.

+++

He didn’t know when he did it. They were always together, and Kang Gook was always watching him, but somehow Tae Joo had slipped away and found the Ahjumma’s daughter and given her his number. His real number. She began texting him when they got to the locker room. He didn’t know who it was until he saw the grin on Tae Joo’s face. He was already in a bad mood after this afternoon, and now this. The took off his shirt and threw it in the locker. It’s not like I have time to date anyway, I spend all my time preventing him from throwing tantrums, thought Kang Gook as he pulled off his pants. “Aren’t you going to thank me?”, said Tae Joo as he came around the corner in his sea blue Gi.

“Wow, Gook-ah!” He exclaimed as he patted Kang Gook’s butt. “I thought you were just all top and no bottom” Tae Joo chuckled to himself. “Why would you want to deprive that poor girl of your cute tushy?” teased Tae Joo as he patted his butt again. Kang Gook could feel heat rising up his neck. He swatted Tae Joo’s hand away at his next attempt, before pulling up his bottoms.

“Let it go” said Kang Gook as he shoved his arms through his Gi.

“Did you text her back?” Tae Joo asked trying to peer over Kang Gook’s shoulder at his phone. Kang Gook grabbed it off the bench and flipped it over, so the screen was facing down.

“No. And I’m not going to.” He said bluntly as he shut the locker door with a loud “BANG”, causing Tae Joo to jump.

“YAH!” He shouted, covering his ears. Kang Gook scoffed as he pushed past Tae Joo, heading into the Dojo.

“Why noooot?” asked Tae Joo, trailing behind him like a baby chick.

“Because.” Kang Gook set down his bag.

“Because… you’re scared?” teased Tae Joo poking Kang Gook in the side.

“No.” Kang Gook turned to face Tae Joo and was struck by the grin on his face. Normally, he loved seeing Tae Joo smile, but this… how could he look so pleased with himself over this? He was disgusted, and furious, and somewhere in his heart, really fucking sad. He wanted to knock the look of his face.

“Do you want to do this or not?” he asked as he began stretching his arms.

+++

He should’ve known it was a bad idea to have a bout when he was feeling like that. He is usually so good at controlling his emotions, but all day he was in danger of bursting into flames. And Tae Joo, Tae Joo wasn’t really acting like anything other than himself, so when Tae Joo went to touch his ear, he shouldn’t have been so surprised. His body shouldn’t have responded so harshly, and even when he felt the emotions surging, he should’ve swallowed it.

But today, Kang Gook was like dry tinder and Tae Joo was a spark. After the dojo they made a trip to the hospital because Tae Joo said he was in a lot of pain. According to Tae Joo, the doctor said his wrist was severely sprained and he would have to wear a cast for the next few weeks. Something like this had never happened before. Tae Joo rarely got hurt because Kang Gook was always there to protect him, but this time Tae Joo did get hurt and it was entirely his fault. Kang Gook probably would’ve felt worse, but Tae Joo’s incessant whining consumed the bulk of his attention. 

 The entire way home he had made a list all of the things he couldn’t do now because of his arm. Kang Gook couldn’t remember most of them, but the gist was that he would be devoting even more time and attention to caring for Tae Joo, which should have bothered him, but in truth, he didn’t seem to mind.  He wasn’t particularly excited about Tae Joo’s implication that he should now write both of their literature papers, but Tae Joo seemed to think better of that once he remembered that Kang Gook wasn’t exactly book smart. He had other strengths.

“Blegh! I still smell like the Dojo!” Tae Joo whined, as he walked in the door. “Gook-ah” Tae Joo said softly in his ‘I need a favor’ voice. “Help me shower?” Kang Gook nearly choked on his water at the suggestion.

“W-what?! Why should I?” he barely got out between coughs.

“Because this” Tae Joo waived his cast in front of Kang Gook “is all your fault. Come on Gook-ah” god Kang Gook hated when he called him that, “I can’t clean all of me with one hand, and its not even my right hand” Tae Joo pushed his bottom lip out in a pout that was truly, true to form.

Kang Gook considered it for a moment, but could feel his body react to the thought of a naked Tae Joo. “No, I’m sorry. Do it yourself. You’ll be fine” he sat down on the couch and started pulling his notebooks from his note bag to distract himself. Tae Joo made a “humph!” before stomping down the hallway, continuing to mutter under his breath. It only took a few moments before a shriek emerged from the bathroom, and within moments Kang Gook threw open the bathroom door.

“AISH!” yelled Tae Joo startled. “Do you have to come into every room like a raging elephant?!” Tae Joo stood in front of him, his hair stuck to his face with water dripping off the ends, some running down Tae Joo’s neck and face. His shirt was soaked at the top, exposing his collarbones slightly. “I told you I needed your help” Tae Joo pouted as he held out his cast arm again. Kang Gook’s brain was trying to come up with any excuse to get him out of this situation, but he couldn’t think of any. He was terrible at thinking on his feet. Tae Joo’s “I’m cold” interrupted Kang Gook’s thoughts. Tae Joo’s lips were a little purple, and were shuddering slightly against his teeth.

“Allaseo” said Kang Gook as he rolled him his sleeves. He took slow even breaths, trying to keep himself calm, something he had learned from his Judo master. Inhale, 2, 3, 4. Hold 2, 3, 4. Exhale, 2,3,4,5,6,7,8. He kept his eyes glued to each individual button, trying not to look at Tae Joo’s exposed chest.

After he unfastened the last button, Kang Gook pushed Tae Joo’s shirt off of his shoulders, brushing his collarbone lightly in the process, causing Tae Joo to shiver. “That tickles” Tae Joo said softly, his eyes fixed on Kang Gook. “Sorry” murmured Kang Gook, as he felt heat rise up his neck. 1, 2, uh 3… He carefully worked each of Tae Joo’s arms out of the shirt, being sure to avoid looking up at Tae Joo in the process. Partially because he could feel Tae Joo’s eyes fixed on his face and he was positive that if they made eye contact, Tae Joo would know exactly what he was thinking. He placed the wet shirt on top of Tae Joo’s blazer. I can do this 2, 3, 4… he thought, as he reached towards Tae Joo’s belt.

While he fumbled with the fastener, he tried not to notice the little patch of peach fuzz on Tae Joo’s abdomen. He tried not to think about how it felt against his fingertips as he pulled the belt through its fastener, 4, uh, 6, shit. He kept reminding himself that this was normal, and there was no reason to be nervous, but when he got to the button of Tae Joo’s pants, he hesitated, just like he hesitated last time. He knew this was different. He knew that that night was a mistake, and still he hesitated.

“Mhhem” Kang Gook cleared his throat before fumbling with the button of Tae Joo’s pants, unsure of where to look. This was why he didn’t want to do this. He unzipped Tae Joo’s pants, trying to keep his eyes fixed on the tile behind him, thinking about what color the grout was when the bathroom was originally made. He reached his arms around Tae Joo, pushing the waist of his pants down past his bottom. All that was left was Tae Joo’s underwear. Up until this point, Kang Gook had done alright, it wasn’t easy, but for the most part he had been able to keep his thoughts relatively clean and unrelated to thoughts about Tae Joo’s body. But suddenly, Tae Joo was standing in front of him, in his underwear. He became incredibly aware that underneath that small bit of fabric, was the part of Tae Joo that when he applied the right amount of pressure, he could make Tae Joo squirm, and blush, and…

“I think I’ve got this part” Tae Joo said, interrupting his thoughts. He turned around so his back was facing Kang Gook, and with his free hand, he slid down the elastic waistband of his underpants exposing his round buttocks. Kang Gook immediately looked away. He began to seriously doubt that he would be able to do this. Tae Joo cleared his throat as he stuck out his arm for Kang Gook to help him into the bathtub.

Kang Gook continued looking away as he supported Tae Joo, and once he was seated Kang Gook finally looked down at the top of Tae Joo’s head and began washing his hair. Tae Joo closed his eyes and leaned back. It was silent for a while, before a light noise somewhere between a laugh and a moan erupted from Tae Joo’s mouth. Kang Gook’s hand slipped as he was caught off guard. He felt his body respond to Tae Joo’s noises. What would happen if he just leaned over and kissed him? It wouldn’t really be that much worse than what happened before.

“It tickles” said Tae Joo quietly, but the way he said it was soft and breathy. “Just suck it up” said Kang Gook, his voice a little hoarse. I just… I just need to finish this, thought Kang Gook. He kept telling himself this is Tae Joo, this is Tae Joo, in an effort to calm himself down, but that just made him more excited. He was sure his face was bright red from all the blood rushing around. He tenderly brushed the side of Tae Joo’s ear with his soapy fingers and followed his scalp down towards his neck. He wanted to run his fingers down his jaw and feel Tae Joo’s lips against his finger tips…

“This reminds me of my mother” Tae Joo said suddenly, and Kang Gook’s stomach dropped. No wonder, he thought. I’m just a replacement for his mother to him. The weight of reality of reality was crushing. These thoughts he was having, they didn’t make any sense. That night Tae Joo must have been confused about their relationship, and after it must have become clear for him. I am nothing but a mother to you. Tae Joo only finds him comfortable, nothing more. Kang Gook felt the same feeling he had when he saw Tae Joo touching Pil Hyeon, or in the Dojo. It wasn’t anger exactly, but it was similar. He pulled his hands away from Tae Joo’s scalp before rinsing him off with water. “You should shower too” said Tae Joo without turning around. Kang Gook almost dropped the showerhead at the suggestion. “I’ll scrub your back. Final offer”

Suddenly Tae Joo stood up and faced him. Kang Gook tried to look away. I’m just his caretaker, he thought. “Come on” said Tae Joo, reaching out for Kang Gook’s buttons “You didn’t get to shower after the dojo either, and honestly” Tae Joo lowered his voice “you smell a bit”.

“No. I’ll do it later” said Kang Gook firmly. His body and his mind were at odds. Even if his heart wasn’t currently in the pit of his stomach, he really didn’t want to show Tae Joo that despite the last few months, he still

Tae Joo pushed his wet head into Kang Gook’s chest. “Come on! It’s been a while since we showered together.” Kang Gook continued to resist and Tae Joo reached for his buttons again. He didn’t know what to do in this situation, as Tae Joo seemed insistent on getting him to shower. Tae Joo had managed to undo one of his buttons with his good arm by the time Kang Gook got ahold of himself. He grabbed Tae Joo’s wrist and said, “It’s okay, I’ll do it later. You can finish on your own right?” he asked while stepping out of the shower. He didn’t wait for a response as he walked down the hallway and into the bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed to collect himself. Tae Joo’s behavior confirmed for him what he already knew, that he was the only one who was confused. If Tae Joo was, it wouldn’t be so easy for him to suggest things like that. Tae Joo is right. I need to date. I’m probably just confused because I haven’t dated. He wasn’t sure if he believed those words, but he wanted to believe that these feelings were temporary.

+++

Kang Gook didn’t shower right away because he was worried Tae Joo might try to come in. And despite his best efforts, he was still a little aroused and he felt so guilty about it. Especially considering his revelation about their relationship. He felt like he was betraying his best friend, and that there was something wrong with him. If Tae Joo knew, surely he wouldn’t want him to be by his side anymore and that thought was terrifying. When he did finally shower, he cleaned himself so quickly it was almost certain he had missed a spot. But it didn’t matter, he just needed to get out of the shower as fast as possible.

When he went into the living room after getting dressed, Tae Joo was tapping his left fingers on the table with the hair dryer sitting in front of him. “Finally” he said exasperated, “What took you so long, oh my god” he whined, handing the hair dryer to Kang Gook. 

“Mian” Kang Gook rolled his eyes as he took the hair dryer from Tae Joo.

Over the loud scream of the hair dryer Kang Gook blurted out “I am going to see her on Saturday”. Tae Joo whipped his head around and grabbed the hair dryer out of Kang Gook’s hand.

“Seriously?” Tae Joo exclaimed, his eyes wide. Kang Gook nodded his head before taking the hair dryer back and continuing to dry Tae Joo’s hair.

Tae Joo sat for only a moment before snatching the hair dryer again, “What are you going to do? When are you going to hangout?”. He had a look on his face that Kang Gook had never seen before, and he wasn’t quite sure what it meant. He was smiling, but not his real smile. Usually when Tae Joo smiled, some of his teeth would peek out from behind his lips, but right now Tae Joo’s lips were tightly pressed together, although in the shape of a smile, definitely felt the opposite.

Kang Gook brushed it off before continuing to blow dry Tae Joo’s hair. “I’ll go while you’re being tutored.”

Tae Joo tried to turn around before Kang Gook pushed his head back forward, “You’re so grown up now, making plans without telling me” Tae Joo mumbled under his breath. Kang Gook paused for a moment, absorbing Tae Joo’s comment. If he hadn’t been brought back to reality before, he certainly was now. Tae Joo doesn’t see me as my own person, he thought as he continued to dry his hair, I will always just be his servant.

+++

Tae Joo had begun pestering Kang Gook about dinner when the doorbell rang. Both Tae Joo and Kang Gook froze for a moment before looking at one another. It is almost midnight, no one should be stopping by, thought Kang Gook before turning off the hair dryer and setting it on the coffee table. He motioned for Tae Joo to stay where he was and walked over to check the security video. In the camera he saw a pale skinny girl with long dark hair and makeup smudged around her eyes. Hyeon Jeong was standing outside with a box and it was clear she had been crying. Kang Gook felt a weight in the pit of his stomach and she rang the doorbell again. He looked back at Tae Joo who mouthed “Who is it?” Kang Gook waved him over and pointed at the security video. Tae Joo tiptoed over to Kang Gook trying to be cute, before peeking at the security video. When he saw Hyeon Jeong he immediately straightened up and said “Oh” before putting on his shoes and stepping out.

+++

Kang Gook sat down at the couch for a second before walking over to the window. He needed to collect himself. He wished that he could’ve done something else, but he didn’t have a choice. It’s what made them so close, but also made his job so unbearable. Especially right now. He had to watch him, just in case. He watched Hyeon Jeong throw down a box at Tae Joo’s feet. He could only hear every other word, but from what he gathered Tae Joo had been seeing Hyeon Jeong and her friend, and bought them the same gifts. Kang Gook shook his head, they’re always surprised like it hasn’t happened before.  Once Hyeon Jeong ran out of things to say, she gave Tae Joo a firm slap on his face. Kang Gook had seen this scene play out countless times before, so he knew what Tae Joo would do next. Even though he knew Tae Joo would grab her shoulders and pull her in for a kiss, it didn’t make it any easier to watch. He wanted to look away from Tae Joo running his fingers through her hair and placing his hands on her lower back. It burned him up watching Tae Joo kiss the nape of her neck and nibble on her ear. The feelings that have been tormenting Kang Gook relentlessly, were something Tae Joo could experience with anyone.

He watched as Tae Joo pushed up against her car and began kissing her with more vigor. He reached his hand up the back of her shirt, caressing the small of her back and pulling her in closer. He placed his knee between her thigh before reaching his other hand up her skirt. She pushed his hand away and looked around before unlocking the car door and pulling him inside. Kang Gook could only imagine what happened next, but he tried not to think about it. He stood staring out the window for what felt like an eternity, watching as the car windows fogged up. He tried to think about an exam they had coming up tomorrow. He tried to think about the book they had been reading for English. He tried to think about anything else than what was happening outside, until Tae Joo emerged from the backseat pulling Hyeon Jeong behind him. He pulled her in for another embrace followed by a deep kiss, before watching her get into her car and drive away. Kang Gook was sweating and he no longer felt like eating. I must be getting sick, he thought as he pulled the blinds closed.

+++

Tae Joo wasn’t really injured. Well, sure, when Gook had twisted his wrist it really did hurt, but by the time they had arrived at the hospital he felt much better. But he wasn’t going to let Gook get off that easily. He wanted to teach him a lesson for, well, hurting him for one, but also for being so mean to him lately. He wasn’t normally like this, but he was so short with Tae Joo these days. He was probably being petty, but because Tae Joo was Tae Joo he preferred to think about it as justice.

On the ride home he made sure to really emphasize how much he hurt, and how brave he was for refusing the pain medication that he was never actually offered, but Gook didn’t know that. “How am I going to do anything? I can’t eat. I can’t write.” He cradled his wrist like it was a sick baby chick and let out a very dramatic sigh.

“Allasseo. Allasseo.” Gook grabbed Tae Joo’s bag from the trunk and carried it in for him. Tae Joo rushed ahead and stood in front of the door with a sullen look on his face that said “Oh, I wish I could go inside, but I can’t open the door by myself”. Gook just nodded his head as he punched the passcode to enter their apartment. Tae Joo planned to inconvenience Gook as much as possible, and this was just the beginning. What he didn’t expect, however, was how resilient Gook would be about washing his hair. He knew he wouldn’t be exactly keen on it, but they had moved past the incident a few months ago. As far as Tae Joo was concerned, Gook had just been… exploring himself, and Tae Joo was… well, just being Tae Joo, whatever that meant. So, he told himself he couldn’t think of any reason why Gook would be so opposed to washing his hair, and that he was just a really mean person with no loyalty or shame. Tae Joo continued his attempt to look as pitiful as possible as he dragged his feet towards the bathroom, but it didn’t work. Gook wouldn’t budge.

Tae Joo begrudgingly rolled up his sleeve, the best he could with his free hand, before turning on the shower, and what happened next was truly an accident. Tae Joo didn’t realize that the faucet had been changed to the shower setting, a mistake he regularly made but Gook was usually the only one who suffered the consequences. So when he turned the shower on, he expected the water to fall from the lower tub faucet but instead, it came shooting out of the showerhead all over Tae Joo. Tae Joo shrieked, first from the burst of cold water and second from Gook bursting into the bathroom.

“I told you I needed your help” he pouted. Gook didn’t respond, he just stood there gawking at him from the doorway. Tae Joo began to shiver from his wet shirt. “I’m cold” he said. It wasn’t exactly a whine, but more like a statement. For a moment, it seemed like Gook wasn’t going to help, but with a sigh he stepped closer to help Tae Joo out of his wet shirt. At first, it was kind of amusing watching Kang Gook undoing his buttons one by one, as he seemed to be struggling more than usual, but as he began to work his way down the shirt, Tae Joo couldn’t help but watch Gook’s eyes trace his torso. It made him feel embarrassed, but not uncomfortable. In a strange way, he wanted Gook to look at him but at the same time, he didn’t? For the first time in a long time, Tae Joo felt insecure. He felt so confident around everyone else, but what if… What if he thinks I’m too skinny? Or maybe my body is too pale? He continued to watch Gook’s face for any sign of what he was thinking, but his expression didn’t change. Once he had finished working with the buttons, he pushed Tae Joo’s shirt off his shoulders. In the process, one of Gook’s hands brushed Tae Joo’s collarbone and Tae Joo shivered again, but this time it wasn’t because he was cold. Gook’s hand was warm, a strong contrast against his cold body. He wondered if the rest of Gook’s body was just as warm. He wanted to reach out and find out, but he was nervous about that too.

Next, Gook’s hand moved to Tae Joo’s belt, which caused Tae Joo’s face to flush a bit. He could feel heat rising as Gook jostled the buckle, freeing the belt from its loop. He then moved to unbutton Tae Joo’s pants, and his knuckle rubbed against Tae Joo’s underwear. It was so slight that under normal circumstances Tae Joo wouldn’t notice, but he knew that feeling was Gook’s hand bridging the barrier of his pants and against his control, Tae Joo could feel himself becoming excited. Gook’s hands worked around the rim of Tae Joo’s pants to work them past his ass, and Tae Joo was mortified. What if Gook noticed that he was getting an erection right now? How would he explain that? Before Gook moved for his underwear Tae Joo said he would do it himself and turned around. He tried to conceal it as much as he could, and thankfully it wasn’t full erect. When he turned back Gook was averting his eyes and Tae Joo was so grateful.

As he stepped into the bathtub he started to question whether this was a good idea. They had bathed together so many times, but it had never been like this. Gook grabbed the shower head and began gingerly wetting Tae Joo’s hair, doing his best to keep the water from getting into his eyes, before massaging some shampoo onto his scalp. Gook’s touch was firm, but when he got towards Tae Joo’s neck and ear it became soft, like a caress. It tickled, causing a small noise to escape Tae Joo’s mouth. His thoughts and emotions were confused. The situation itself reminded him of his mother. When he was younger, she would wash his hair, but at a certain point she stopped wanting to, and then she was gone.

So there was this feeling of missing his mother, but that was muddled with the knowledge that Gook was touching him, and that caused him to feel hot and somewhat excited. Because he knew what Gook’s hands felt like against his body, and the places he was touching now, he had already explored with his lips months prior. This was what he was afraid of, that things would change. Things were fine before and now… Tae Joo stood up. “You should shower too”, but almost as if Gook knew he was going to ask, he immediately declined. Tae Joo wasn’t really sure why he pushed so hard. He kept telling himself it was because they had grown distant, and he wanted to resolve whatever tension there was between them. That if they just showered together like before, things would go back to normal. He would keep being Tae Joo and Gook would keep being Gook, and nothing would have to change. But Gook was stubborn and ultimately left him alone in the shower. Despite the hot water racing down his body, he suddenly felt cold again.

+++

Tae Joo kicked the box of stuff Ji Hyeon had thrown at his feet. To be honest, he didn’t know what most of it was because he hadn’t bought it for her, he had one of the drivers do it. He never remembered when they were supposed to celebrate what, so at the last minute he would have to call one of the driver Ahjussis to pick something up. Sometimes he would ask them to get a couple, just in case. The only important dates he remembered were his mom and Gook’s birthdays, everything else just didn’t really stick. He collected everything that had fallen out of the box and placed the box near the trash bin to sort in the morning. If he threw it away like that, one of the Ahjummas would come out and scold him at him, and honestly, it would be much better to just ask Gook to do it because he usually deals with that stuff anyway.

As Tae Joo walked back into the apartment, he could hear Gook in the kitchen washing some dishes. He had set aside a small portion of instant rice and some banchan on the table.

“Ugh. Gook. You are the perfect boyfriend” called Tae Joo. “I’m starving” he muttered as he unwrapped the bowl. Gook didn’t respond. Tae Joo noticed Gook had his headphones in. He seemed to be listening to a lot of music these days. Honestly, Tae Joo didn’t even know Gook liked music. Maybe he would get him a nice new wireless pair for his birthday so he could throw out those old $5 dollar ones he always used. They look like he found them at the convenience store, he thought.

Tae Joo scarfed down the food on the table and brought his dishes into the kitchen. He stopped next to Kang Gook and stuck them out in front of him with both of his hands. “Gook ahhh” Tae Joo called pushing the bowls towards him. Gook didn’t look at Tae Joo but motioned his head towards the sink, as if to say “put them in”. Tae Joo set the bowls down and pulled out one of Gook’s headphones. “Thank you” he whispered in Gook’s ear. Startled Gook dropped what was in his hands into the sink with a loud CLANG. Tae Joo laughed but Gook looked furious. Gook slammed his fist down on the side of the sink.

“Is everything a joke to you?” he took off the rubber gloves and threw them in the soapy water. “Just… put it in the sink. I’ll finish it in the morning.” Tae Joo had rarely seen Gook so angry. Gook got annoyed a lot, but not angry, and not usually at Tae Joo. Tae Joo followed Gook out of the kitchen, “I’m sorry. I know you cooked, I can do the dishes…” Tae Joo offered as he followed Gook into the bedroom. “It’s fine” said Gook shortly. “I said I’ll do it in the morning”. Kang Gook grabbed a blanket and his pillow “I have to wake up early so I’m going to sleep on the couch” he mumbled and Gook closed the bedroom door behind him.

Tae Joo was stunned. Gook had never shut a door between them, not in their entire 10 years together. He said that he never knew what might happen. He said that he always needed to be able to see Tae Joo, just in case. Tae Joo sat at the edge of the bed and felt tears welling up in his eyes. Why is he acting this way? This isn’t like him. He sat there listening to the sound of Kang Gook shuffling things around the living room before he heard the beep of the front door opening. He felt uneasy that Gook was acting this way. He opened the door and went out into the living room and saw Gook had taken out the trash. He looked out the window and saw him staring at the box that Hyeon Jeong had thrown at his feet. Gook kicked it with his foot before tossing the garbage in his hand away.

He then bent down and began sorting through the items in the box and tossing them in the appropriate bin. He didn’t look angry like he did earlier, but his expression was a little hard to read. Tae Joo didn’t know what to do. He thought about going outside and telling Gook he would do it himself but was honestly scared. What if he followed Gook out there, and Gook ran even further away? He was really all he had, and if he left too…

Tae Joo needed to do something, so he went into kitchen and picked up the rubber gloves Gook and thrown down earlier. He removed his brace before pulling them on. His fingers met a pool of soapy lukewarm water in the tip. “Ah!” he yelled and dropped the glove.  He shook the glove upside down before putting it on again. He had never done the dishes before, so he wasn’t really sure if that was normal. It really seemed like it would defeat the purpose of the gloves, but… he squirted a glob of dish soap on the plate in front of him. Is that too much? He continued like that for about 10 minutes until all the dishes seemed clean. Gook still hadn’t returned, so he went to check the window and saw Gook just sitting on the curb, staring at the concrete. He wanted to go sit with him, but he didn’t even know how to comfort Gook, he never had to.

Once he ran out of things to straighten in the living room, he opened his math text and tried to make sense of derivatives, which was a fruitless labor, but he needed to do something. He didn’t know how long he sat there staring at the same page before Gook walked in. He looked tired and didn’t seem to register that Tae Joo was sitting in front of him.

“Gook-ah…” Tae Joo started. Gook jumped slightly, before glancing at Tae Joo. He didn’t look angry, but he didn’t look happy either.

“Oh, you’re still awake.” he said to Tae Joo cooly as he slipped off his shoes. Tae Joo sat quietly staring at Gook, while Gook just stood by the doorway like he didn’t want to come near him.

“Are you upset?” Tae Joo asked keeping his eyes locked on Kang Gook, who didn’t respond. He didn’t know what had happened, and he didn’t mean to, but suddenly tears started falling from his eyes. “Gook—ah ” He said through sobbing breaths “Please don’t…” he placed his face in his hands. “I’m so… I’m so” he wiped his nose with the back of his hand. “You’re hup all hup I hup have” he mumbled between breaths. He looked up, taking deep breaths to calm himself. “please talk to me, I don’t kno—” he couldn’t get the rest of the words out.

Gook didn’t move for a few moments. He didn’t say anything, he just let Tae Joo cry. Tae Joo cradled his face in his hands as if he was trying to collect all of his tears. When he finally opened his eyes again he saw Gooks feet through the cracks of his fingertips. A hand reached out and pushed Tae Joo’s hands away from his face. Tae Joo kept his eyes down because he knew he looked swollen and puffy, and was worried if he looked at Gook he would start crying harder. Gook lifted up Tae Joo’s chin so that he could see Tae Joo’s eyes, that were indeed swollen and red. Gook smiled softly and whispered “You know, you look really ugly when you cry”. Tae Joo looked at Gook stunned before reaching out to hit him in the chest. They both looked at each other and started laughing. “Gook-ah” Tae Joo said, somewhere between laughing and crying, “you’re so hup mean”. He whipped the snot from his nose on his forearm. “Yah” said Gook, as he grabbed a napkin from the table “that’s really gross”. Tae Joo hit him again in the chest, still trying to catch his breath between sobs and laughter. Gook wiped Tae Joo’s arm with the napkin, before getting up to throw it away. When he returned he sat down next to Tae Joo and waited for him to stabilize his breaths.

It was silent for a while before Gook said, “You should get some sleep,” softly patting the back of Tae Joo’s head. He stood up and reached out his hand, pulling Tae Joo to his feet. Tae Joo nodded and they both shuffled towards the bedroom together. Gook ushered him through the doorway and watched him climb into bed before turning to go to the living room.

“Gook ah…” called Tae Joo softly. “Please don’t leave me.” Gook didn’t respond and Tae Joo buried his face in his pillow. He felt tears welling up again, but he was so tired, they just started to fall.

+++

Kang Gook didn’t know how long he sat there, staring at the ground. He felt so angry and pitiful. He didn’t know how he felt about Tae Joo, but while he was struggling Tae Joo was fine. He kicked the box that was once full of memories of Tae Joo’s most recent affair but was now empty. He felt suffocated. He came out here to breathe, and he was faced with it again. Tae Joo’s romantic escapades. He could have just left the box there for someone else to do it, but there were pictures with Tae Joo’s face on it. He couldn’t just leave them out on the side of the road where anyone could find them. That was his job. So he spent 30 minutes sorting through Hyeon Jeong’s momentos, which included pictures of her and Tae Joo kissing and holding each other, and disgusting love letters Tae Joo had written to her, among other things. He couldn’t bear to read the letters, he started to read one and it made him furious. He wasn’t really sure who he was furious with. He knew what Tae Joo had written probably wasn’t genuine, or whether he even wrote them himself. Which made him even more angry because he wasn’t taking other peoples’ emotions seriously enough.

He knew that although Hyeon Jeong had been the one he brought the box here, probably because she missed Tae Joo, and his night had been ruined, it wasn’t really her fault. And it wasn’t really Tae Joo’s either, because he didn’t ask her to come by. And even though he didn’t particularly want to see either of them right now, he was beginning to understand why he was feeling the way he was and he hated himself for it. It wasn’t normal to feel this way about your friends, and he was ruining his relationship with Tae Joo because he was abnormal, like some kind of sexual deviant. Sitting here staring at the concrete, he could pretend all of the things he had been feeling, were someone else’s life, someone else’s dreams. He could pretend that he just sat down on this curb to take a deep breath. That this life was his own, where he could make his own decisions. As long as he sat on this curb, he didn’t have to go back inside and look at Tae Joo.

“Well isn’t it a little late to be sorting through the trash?” asked a voice from behind him. Kang Gook stood up a little startled to see a man walking with a slight limp coming towards him. In one hand he had a trash bag and in the other he had a cane. By his gait, Kang Gook thought he must have been a Halaboji, but as he came closer, Kang Gook could get a better look at his face. The man was probably in his late 40s or early 50s and had short peppered hair. Kang Gook imagined it might be similar to what Tae Joo would look like when he got older.

It was clear the man had been handsome once. He had round eyes which upturned slightly, highlighting his high cheekbones. Framing his eyes were some wrinkles which showed his age and was likely evidence of a long and happy life. His brows seemed a little overgrown, and just to the right of his brow, he had a small scar on his temple. Once he noticed it, it actually seemed like his right eyelid also drooped down a bit lower than his left. He must have been in some sort of accident, thought Kang Gook. The man didn’t look familiar, but he reached out to help him with his trash anyway.

“Oh, thank you” the stranger smiled as he handed the bag to Kang Gook. When he smiled his whole face moved, his cheeks pressing up into his eyes, his mouth forming into a heart shaped toothy grin, framed by his lips. “You’re so kind.” the man lowered himself to sit down on the curb where Kang Gook had just been. “I know we just met, but just so you know, I will probably need some help back up at some point” the man chuckled as he pulled a can of beer out of each of his front pockets. Kang Gook was taught to be wary of strangers, and how this man spoke to him as if they were friends made him nervous. The man turned to look at Kang Gook “How old are you?” eyeing him up and down.

“18” said Kang Gook. He tried to rack his brain to see if they had met before, he seemed familiar, but that could just be his temperament.

“Ah,” responded the man “you’re still in high school huh?” he said nodding his head as he put one of the cans back where it had emerged. He opened the one still in his hand with a click and patted the spot next to him. “Come have a seat. Like I said, I might need some help up later.” He raised up his can “I’ll be quick.” Kang Gook was in shock, normally people don’t talk to strangers much less ask them to wait around until they finish a beer… to be lifted off the ground. He didn’t really know why he stuck around instead of walking away, but he found himself sitting next to the man with nothing but the hum of AC units and the occasional slurp of his beer to fill the silence.

When the man finally spoke, Kang Gook had become so accustomed to the silence that it made him jump. “So why is a high school kid sitting out by the trash cans at,” he checked his watch “12:46 AM on a Tuesday?” he turned to look at Kang Gook. “Did you get dumped?”

Kang Gook shot him a look “What? I—No?”

“Haha, okay.” The man raised up his hands in surrender. “Alright. So you’re sitting here ‘not dumped’, throwing away what looks like used to be” he peeked into the box “couple stuff… Tae Joo?” he pointed to a piece of paper Kang Gook had missed that said “Hyeon Jeong + Tae Joo Saranghae!!”

“That’s not mine,” said Kang Gook as he grabbed the box and broke it down so that he could put it with the paper recycling. “Ahhh… so you came out here in the middle of the night to throw out someone else’s’ precious memories?” said the man looking bemused, “the plot thickens,” he added as he took a sip of his beer.

“I’m sorry, but who are you?” asked Kang Gook, maybe a little more rude than he should have. But he was annoyed by this mans questions, and that they weren’t entirely wrong. He couldn’t deny that he was in fact out here because he was 1) sulking after what indeed seemed like rejection, although inexplicit, and 2) was indeed throwing out someone else’s memories.

 “I’m your neighbor” said the man, slipping a peanut into his mouth that he pulled out of another jacket pocket. “I’ve lived here for… 20? Years. You boys moved in and you never came to say hi… you know… bring me rice cake and all that” he smirked a bit before popping another peanut in his mouth.

“Oh,” said Kang Gook, suddenly feeling nervous. They had moved out here so that no one knew who Tae Joo was. Did this man know Tae Joo was the son of CN Group? Kang Gook’s shoulders began to tense. “My name is Ma Eun Sung. You can call me Eun Sung hyung if you want” he said with a slight smile, and took another sip of his beer.

Kang Gook immediately rejected his offer, “I don’t know that I feel comfortable doing that. Maybe after the third or fourth meeting.” He added, but had no intention of meeting this man again.

The man chuckled, “Wow, three or four meetings. You’re a pretty serious kid” Eun Sung continued sipping his beer. He didn’t look back at Kang Gook, instead, his eyes were transfixed on the horizon. During the daytime this spot would offer a pretty amazing view of Suwon, but at night it was nothing but black. Kang Gook wondered what he was looking at so intently. “Alright” said Eun Sung finishing up his beer. He reached up his hand waiting for Kang Gook to pull him up. Kang Gook quickly stood up to help him to his feet. “Well I’ll believe that this wasn’t your girlfriends stuff,” he said motioning towards the recycle bin, “but for someone who didn’t just have your heartbroken, you sure look like you have a broken heart.” He threw the can away in the bin. “I know you didn’t ask, Not Tae Joo, but if I can offer one bit of advice.” He said shifting his weight to his right leg, “one of the most difficult decisions in life is being okay with whatever your happiness is.” He starts walking back towards the building with Kang Gook “it’s not whether to pursue it and it’s not really the things that stand in your way, it’s realizing what your happiness is and accepting it. It makes it a lot easier if you finally decide to let it go” he pats Kang Gook on the back and begins walking away, “Aish, did I just become some sage old gaesaki? Agh” Kang Gook heard him say as his silhouette faded into the shadows. Kang Gook stood at the front door for a moment while he tried to process the events that just occurred. What my happiness is… he repeats as he enters in the doorcode. I don’t think I’ve ever thought about my happiness, thought Kang Gook as the door closed behind him.

+++

As angry as he was earlier in the day, nothing hurt more than seeing Tae Joo cry in front of him because of him. He had never made Tae Joo cry. Maybe when he accidentally hurt him during Judo, but even then, Tae Joo didn’t really cry. He hadn’t really ever seen Tae Joo really cry except when his mother left. Sure, he cried watching sad movies and dramas, but whenever Tae Joo was sad he would just get quiet and pout for a while, but nothing like this. Kang Gook was frozen at the doorway, unsure of what to do. Part of him was still angry at Tae Joo, but another part of him knew it wasn’t his fault. And comforting Tae Joo when other people make him upset is one thing, but if it was Kang Gook? He couldn’t even explain to Tae Joo why he feels the way he feels, he can barely explain it to himself, how was he supposed to make this better?

With thoughts still clogging up his brain, he walked towards Tae Joo and squatted down at his feet. He pushed Tae Joo’s hands away, which were sopping wet from his tears, as Tae Joo continued to hide his face. Kang Gook was angry, felt guilty, and looking at Tae Joo like this, his chest felt warm. He wanted to laugh at Tae Joo trying to hide his tears, as if he hadn’t cradled Tae Joo for two hours after the last episode of Goblin because Tae Joo couldn’t stop crying. He wanted to wipe away his tears and hold him again, but was terrified that those urges weren’t the urges of a friend. He placed a finger under Tae Joo’s chin, and looked at his big swollen red eyes, and his puffy face, and said softly “You know, you’re really ugly when you cry”. Tae Joo froze for a moment, before hitting Kang Gook in the chest and cried

“Gook-ah! You’re so hup mean”. Tae Joo hadn’t stopped crying exactly, he was sort of laughing between sobs or sobbing between laughs. It was kind of like that with him, once he started crying you just had to wait for it to run its course. He watched as Tae Joo wiped the snot from his nose on his forearm.

“Yah!” said Gook, as he grabbed a napkin from the table “that’s really gross”. Tae Joo hit him again in the chest, still trying to catch his breath between sobs and laughter. Kang Gook felt like his heart was going to burst. He had spent all of this time trying to suppress his feelings, but in this moment with Tae Joo covered in snot and swollen eyes, he wanted nothing more than to kiss him. I want to kiss him, he thought as he watched Tae Joo battle with himself. Once Tae Joo had stopped crying and laughing, he could barely keep his eyes open. Kang Gook helped him up and walked him to the bedroom. He hesitated at the threshold and watched Tae Joo climb into bed. He wanted to lay next to him and hold him all night. He wanted to feel his warmth against him and smell the scent of his skin, but he also knew that desire was a problem. Just then, the conversation he had had with that Ahjussi out front popped in his head. Is this my happiness? He thought, Tae Joo? He needed to sort himself out and sleeping next to Tae Joo wasn’t going to make it any easier.

As he turned to walk away he heard Tae Joo’s voice call out his name softly, asking him to stay. Kang Gook hesitated for a moment, he needed time to figure this out. He needed space from Tae Joo, but despite what his head was saying his body led him back to Tae Joo, eyes shut with tears silently falling from his eyes. Kang Gook crawled into bed next to him and pulled Tae Joo in close. Tae Joo’s smell filled his nostrils and Kang Gook shut his eyes. I’ll get over it. Whatever it is. I’ll figure it out, he promised himself. He could feel Tae Joo’s rhythmic breathing against him and he knew he had fallen asleep. He squeezed him tighter, resolving that this would be the last time he held Tae Joo like this. He would sort himself out.

Chapter Text

+++

“Gookahhh, come on! It’ll be fuuuun” Tae Joo whined as he followed Kang Gook around the living room.

“I just feel like it’s not the best idea.” Kang Gook mumbled as he continued looking for his wire. I know it’s around here somewhere.

“We wont even stay the whole night.” Tae Joo stepped in front of Kang Gook.

“Tae Joo…”

“I will only have…” Tae Joo had a look on his face like he was trying to do mental long division. “5 beers” he held up his hand. “And a bottle of soju. 5 beers and a bottle of Soju.”

Kang Gook stared at Tae Joo in disbelief “I’m sorry, was that supposed to be a good deal?” He shook his head. “You know how you get when you drink, and you have tutoring tomorrow.” He continued fishing through the desk drawers. “Where did I put it…”

“Okay. Okay.” Tae Joo stepped in front of him again. “What about 3 beers and a bottle of Soju” Kang Gook crossed his arms. “And we’ll be home by 1… 30?” Kang Gook sighed. He knew that a drunk Tae Joo wasn’t the easiest Tae Joo to deal with, but the last few days had been hard for Kang Gook. He had decided that he would distance himself a bit from Tae Joo, at least until he sorted out his feelings, but the nature of the situation made it impossible. He couldn’t be alone and the more distance he tried to put between them, the clingier Tae Joo became. At least at a party Tae Joo might be distracted enough where Kang Gook could breathe a little.

Kang Gook sighed “2 beers and 1 bottle of Soju, and I’ll give you 2 hours from when we arrive. Call?”

Tae Joo chewed on his bottom lip, clearly trying to decide whether bargaining was worth it. “Ugh. Fine. Call. But!” Tae Joo stuck his finger in Kang Gook’s face “No nagging, allaseo?”

“Yeah, yeah allaseo” grumbled Kang Gook as he turned his attention back to looking for his wire. Tae Joo practically skipped back to the bedroom, Kang Gook assumed, to notify whoever had invited them. Maybe this is a terrible idea, Kang Gook thought as he closed the desk drawer.

+++

“Whose flat is this again?” Kang Gook grunted as passengers continued shoving themselves into the elevator.

“There’s no more room! No more room!” Pil Hyeon tried to discourage the other hopeful passengers from boarding the elevator, but to his dismay, it was ineffective. The crowd let out a collective groan as two more people shoved themselves in. “Aish” Pil Hyeon groaned as he pushed further into Kang Gook’s back. “I’m sorry Gookah, I can’t help it.” Kang Gook shot a warning glance back at Pil Hyeon. “… Kang Gook. I’m sorry Kang Gook” Pil Hyeon raised one hand in surrender and bowed his head slightly.

Minutes after they arrived at the party location, Kang Gook found himself trapped in a crowded elevator sandwiched between Tae Joo and Pil Hyeon, which was less than desirable for multiple reasons. The first being, Pil Hyeon would not stop jabbing his elbow into Kang Gook’s side. Kang Gook knew it was likely an accident, but after the first two times it began to feel like it was on purpose. But the second more frustrating reason he desperately wanted out of the elevator, was he was that he currently had Tae Joo pressed up against a wall, trapped between his arms. The smell of Tae Joo’s shampoo dancing around his nostrils, barely covering up Tae Joo’s natural scent. This wasn’t what he had in mind when he had agreed to this.

“Hey Gook” Pil Hyeon tapped on Kang Gook’s shoulder “er.. Kang Gook, could you just…” Pil Hyeon pulled at the leg of his pants in an attempt to release it from under Kang Gook’s weight. He didn’t know why Pil Hyeon had decided to wear such baggy pants, but Kang Gook thought he looked ridiculous. And now that they were stuck in this elevator, they seemed like more of a hazard than anything. Kang Gook tried to shift his weight, causing him to inadvertently push into the man next to him who was dealing with his own problem, trying not to keep the small dog in his arms from being smooshed. The man pushed Kang Gook back, knocking him into the people on his left before Tae Joo grabbed Kang Gook’s hips to keep him steady. Kang Gook tried his best not to look at Tae Joo, craning his neck in the most unnatural way to check what floor they were on. They had only made it to the ground floor, they still had 19 more to go.

Tae Joo squeezed Kang Gook’s hips, “Well aren’t you going to compliment my quick reflexes?” Tae Joo asked in a quiet voice. Even though the elevator was stuffy and warm, he could still feel Tae Joo’s breath on his neck.

“Thanks” mumbled Kang Gook as he focused his attention on the cool feeling of the elevator’s metal wall.  

 “Is it just me, or does it seem like this elevator is stopping at every floor?” grunted Pil Hyeon, as he moved to try to find a more comfortable position. His hand brushed against Kang Gook’s butt and Kang Gook shot him a look. “Ah, sorry. Sorry. Accident” he nodded his head slightly. The elevator chimed again. “There isn’t any more space!” yelled Pil Hyeon, who was waving frantically at the people waiting outside. Despite his cries, a man and woman shoved themselves in causing the crowd to push the three of them further back against the corner. Kang Gook was doing his best to keep Tae Joo from being crushed, and more importantly trying to make sure their bodies were touching as little as possible. As more people were piling in, it was becoming increasingly more difficult. They might be completely fused together by the time they got out of there, which was a thought Kang Gook didn’t exactly hate and that made him uncomfortable.

“I swear to god when we get out of here…” mumbled Kang Gook as he glanced back toward Pil Hyeon, who mouthed sorry again.

“Oh come on Gookie, it’s not that bad” Tae Joo crooked his head slightly, tossing Kang Gook a sheepish grin. His hands were still firmly gripping Kang Gook’s waist.

“This is us.” Pil Hyeon tapped on Kang Gook’s shoulder before trying to unsuccessfully push through the crowd. Kang Gook sighed before grabbing Pil Hyeon’s shoulders and pushing him forward, using him like a battering ram, as Tae Joo trailed behind. They burst out of the elevator into a hallway with crimson red carpet and paintings which looked like they belonged in some sort of museum. Kang Gook had only ever been in one other house this expensively dressed, and that was Tae Joo’s father’s estate just outside of Seoul. In comparison, this apartment might as well have been a half basement studio, but it nevertheless, it made Kang Gook uncomfortable.

“Se Ra’s parents own this whole floor. Her flat is on the end and her parents live there…” Pil Hyeon babbled on about how Se Ra’s parents had bought her the last apartment on this floor as a present for passing her university exams with high marks. While it was no longer necessarily surprising to him how much money Tae Joo and his classmates’ families had, he still felt incredibly uncomfortable around it. The amount of money he had seen Tae Joo spend on watches in one shopping trip was the same amount as his parent’s rental deposit.  It’s not that there was anything wrong with having money, but it was the way these people spent it, buying designer clothes or accessories, throwing expensive parties, giving one another expensive gifts. What was enough for some families to live on, these people spent without batting an eye. 

“You’ve got two hours before I call the driver” Kang Gook mumbled into Tae Joo’s ear as they were welcomed into the flat by, who Kang Gook presumed, was one of SeRa’s parents’ secretaries. He probably had more in common with them than he did with anyone else at this party. Kang Gook nodded at the secretary before turning his attention back to Tae Joo, who already had some girl he had never seen before clinging to his side.

The apartment itself was rather spacious. It looked much more modern than the hallway outside, but just as expensive. In the first room, there was some sort of crystal chandelier statue thing. Parts of it were square, but there were some circles too? Kang Gook wasn’t exactly sure what it was supposed to be, but maybe that was the point. He didn’t notice at first, but when he looked at his hands, he was covered in red? And purple, and blue. The way the crystals were hung, cast a partial shadow on one side of the room, but on the other, the side Gook was on, was bathed in a vibrant rainbow. He admired the rainbow reflecting off his skin, before the sound of Tae Joo’s laughter broke interrupted his thoughts. He shook his head and wandered into the next room looking for a drink. He didn’t normally drink alcohol, but one beer was probably okay.  Unsurprisingly, SeRa had hired some sort of bartender

“Two beers and… a soju” the bartender nodded his head and went to grab the drinks. When he returned, he looked up at Kang Gook and paused before handing him the drinks. His look said everything, that he didn’t belong here, that maybe they were the same, perhaps a touch of resentment that he was serving him. It happened pretty often when he was in places like this. His clothing weren’t designer brands, he didn’t get his hair cut at expensive salons, nor did he ever do his makeup. He knew he stuck out. It used to bother him more, but as time passed, he began to think of it as a way to keep him grounded in the reality of the situation. He was not here because he was one of them, he was here as an employee. A servant, nothing more. He didn’t belong to a rich family, he didn’t have any benefactors or any financial support. How he performed in school didn’t really matter either, he was really just there to watch Tae Joo and keep him out of trouble, which was a feat of its own.

              Tae Joo was still seated in the booth with a cup full of, what Kang Gook assumed was whiskey.  “I’m gonna take this” Kang Gook said, as he grabbed the glass from Tae Joo’s hand and replacing with a can of beer.

“Hey!” Tae Joo grabbed Kang Gook’s wrist “I was drinking that.” Kang Gook shot Tae Joo a look, and Tae Joo released his grip and mouthed “okay”. Kang Gook turned to walk away, but Tae Joo grabbed him again.

“Wait, where are you going?” The girl next to Tae Joo was glancing between the both of them, her lips pressed into a smile. But the look in her eyes told him he was interrupting.

“I’ll be over there” Kang Gook nodded to an empty booth near the bathroom. “I’m gonna take this” he said raising the glass of whiskey. Tae Joo nodded and released his grip. As he walked away, he placed the glass of whiskey at a booth where a couple was kissing. They didn’t seem to notice.

For almost 30 minutes Tae Joo didn’t even look in his direction. He was too busy coming up with excuses to touch the girl at his side. Kang Gook could guess what he was saying. He would start by saying how pretty she looked, followed by compliments about her skin or her hair. Maybe he would fix a hair that was out of place, or brush something off of her clothing, which would inevitably make her heart race and shy. That was usually all it took. You could call it a move, and it worked. But the thing with Tae Joo is, it really never seemed intentional. He was just sort of talking and being himself. He would happily fix your hair or straighten up your clothes. He would tell you that you were pretty if it was true and that was really it. But that part of him was so captivating, the Tae Joo part of him, that by the end of the night he could say something like, “I am going to kiss you now, and if you don’t like it you can stop me and I won’t try again” and they wouldn’t stop him. They never stop him. Because Tae Joo makes you feel special in that moment. More beautiful than anyone else in the room because he’s only looking at you. He might have a lot of girls, but when it’s you and him, there’s no one else.

“ahem” Kang Gook looked up to see a guy with his arm around a girl staring at him. “I’m sorry, you can’t sit here while you’re on your break. Bar staff can take their break in the kitchen” Kang Gook stared at the guy for a second before standing up to move.

“Ya! Gaesakkiya!!” Pil Hyeon shouted before he smacked the guy in the back of the head. “This chingu is your sunbae!” Pil Hyeon slapped Kang Gook on the back, which was likely supposed to be a move of solidarity but actually hurt quite a bit. The look on the guy’s face transformed from smug, to confused, to horror in a manner of seconds.

“Jwaeseonghabnida. Jwaseonghabnida.” The boy bowed a few times with his eyes fixed on the floor. Kang Gook shrugged off Pil Hyeon’s hand still lingering on his shoulder.

“Dwaesso” he set down his can of beer. “Bar staff or not, you could’ve had the table if you just asked.”

+++

“Why are you standing? Aren’t you uncomfortable?” Tae Joo asked Kang Gook, who had relocated to leaning against a wall.

“I’m fine. Are you ready?” Kang Gook motioned his head towards the exit.

“Actually…” Tae Joo trailed off, and looked in the direction of the girl he had been talking to all night. “Mian.” Kang Gook was beginning to think that was Tae Joo’s favorite word. "Give me like… I don’t know. 30 minutes? 40?”

“Tae Joo…” Kang Gook started, but Tae Joo was already walking away, mouthing that he couldn’t hear him because it was too loud. Kang Gook sighed and followed them out. He tried to keep a distance so that the girl wouldn’t feel uncomfortable, but she knew he was there. She kept looking back at him. If they already noticed him, trying to be invisible would just make it worse. So he didn’t really hide it, but he still kept his distance.

Outside around the building there was a little area lined with cigarette butts. Kang Gook didn’t follow them all the way, he didn’t need to. He could hear them kissing and giggling, and that is about as much as he needed to know. He checked his watch then stuck his hands in his pockets. Even though its spring, the nights are still cold. He shuffled his feet against some gravel, wondering whether he should have brought a heavier jacket, trying not to think about what they were doing back there.

Then, all of a sudden the girl came storming around the corner looking angry. He couldn’t tell if she was crying or not, but he is familiar with that demeanor. Another affect Tae Joo has on people. She stomped down the road as she shoved her arms through her jacket, and Tae Joo came around the corner fixing his shirt. He ran his hand through his hair as he watched her walking away. He didn’t even look at Kang Gook before he started talking, as if he knew he was already there.

“Well, she isn’t happy with me” Tae Joo laughed dryly. Kang Gook didn’t probe, because Tae Joo would tell him regardless of if he wanted to know. “I couldn’t…” he laughed. The look on his face was somewhere between shock and amusement. “Hey do you still have some beer in there?” Tae Joo asked as he reached toward the can in Kang Gook’s hand. Kang Gook shook his head as he quickly drank the remnants and crushed the can.

“Should I call the driver Ajussi?” Tae Joo shook his head, his eyed glued to Kang Gook’s frame. A smile crept across his face as he stepped closer to Kang Gook, his hand reaching towards Kang Gook’s torso. “Ya! Tae Joo!” Kang Gook shot in a hushed voice, looking around worried someone might see. Tae Joo reached into Kang Gook’s jacket, his hand brushing Kang Gook’s waist. Kang Gook froze and his mouth went dry.

“Mian.” Tae Joo grinned, as he pulled out the Soju bottle Kang Gook had shoved in his jacket pocket a couple hours ago. Kang Gook’s face was probably already flushed from the chill outside, but if it wasn’t it surely would have been. He felt foolish.

“Tae Joo…” Kang Gook started “Don’t you think you’ve had enough tonight? Let me call the—"

Before Kang Gook could finish his sentence, Tae Joo twisted open the bottle and took a big swig.

“Yah! Tae Joo ah!” yelled Kang Gook, a little louder than expected. He reached forward to yank the soju from Tae Joo’s hand causing it to spill.

“Aishh!” Tae Joo groaned before brushing off his shirt. He shot Kang Gook a look of annoyance. Kang Gook eyed Tae Joo before taking a sip himself and reluctantly handing the bottle back to Tae Joo. Tae Joo took a few more swings as he rocked back and forth on his heels before leaning back against a brick wall.

“Don’t you want to know what happened?” Tae Joo asked after a few moments of silence. He was studying the glass bottle in his hand as if he was looking for a hidden message on the label.

Kang Gook shook his head as he studied his palms “Not really.”

“Yah!” Tae Joo threw his leg out to the side like he was trying to kick Kang Gook, causing him to stumble a bit. “Aish” he muttered to himself before taking another drink. He seems pretty drunk, we should head home, Kang Gook thought. Kang Gook took out his phone and began dialing Driver Yang to come pick them up. Tae Joo reacted so quickly it startled Kang Gook. He snatched the phone out of Kang Gook’s hand as the voice calling “Hello? Kang Gookssi? Hello?” echoed faintly in the background.

 “I’m not done yet” Tae Joo announced as he ended the phone call and shoved Kang Gook’s phone in his pocket. He returned his attention back to the bottle in his hand, sloshing around the small amount of liquid left at the bottom. “So, where are you meeting her?” ask Tae Joo with a smile.

“What? Tae Joo…” Kang Gook started before Tae Joo interrupted.

“What was her name?” Tae Joo furrowed his brow and scrunched up his lips, “The ahjumma’s daughter…” Tae Joo tapped on his temple like he was thinking really hard.

 “Hyemi?” responded Kang Gook.

“Ah!” Tae Joo clapped, “Gwiwoyo!!” he cried, “She’s so cute. With her glasses and her big bug eyes” Tae Joo made circles with his hands around his eyes, as if he was looking through binoculars, and began to chuckle to himself.

“Ya Tae Joo”  Kang Gook held out his hand, which Tae Joo immediately swatted away.

“Oh, no no no! You didn’t answer my question Kang Gook!” Tae Joo turned to face Kang Gook, standing close enough Kang Gook could smell the alcohol on his breath. “So, where are you taking our cute little Hyemi tomorrow?” Tae Joo said, quietly, almost a whisper. Gook’s eyes were focused on Tae Joo’s shoes. He couldn’t talk to Tae Joo when he was like this. Tae Joo stepped closer, with his mouth close to Kang Gook’s ear “Goo—” before he could finish, Kang Gook pushed Tae Joo up against the wall, causing Tae Joo to let out a small gasp. Kang Gook studied Tae Joo’s face, before reaching into Tae Joo’s pocket to pull out his phone. Driver Yang had been calling.

“Annyeonghaseo, Driver Yang? Yeah, yeah. Yeah we’re ready” he mumbled the address before he hung up.  

When he directed his attention back to Tae Joo, Tae Joo’s arms were crossed and a pout had formed on his face “I’m not going!” he whined as he tried to sit down on the sidewalk, but due to his current mental state lost his balance and it was more like falling onto his bottom.

“Yah! Tae Joo” Kang Gook rushed forward to help him up.

“Come on, lets get you up” Kang Gook tried to grab Tae Joo’s arm, but he crossed them tightly and shook his head no. Kang Gook sighed before squatting down and lowering his voice, “Come on Tae Joo. You shouldn’t sit here, it’s dirty. You’ll make your clothes dirty” Kang Gook scrunched up his nose and shook his head, trying his best to look cute. Tae Joo laughed before trying to poke Kang Gook’s nose with his finger, letting out a soft “boop”, but missed and poked Kang Gook’s cheek instead. Kang Gook felt the corners of his mouth raising slightly before regaining his composure.

“Okay, up you go” said Kang Gook as he lifted Tae Joo off the ground.

+++

As they got in the car, Tae Joo was staring at Kang Gook, his face a few inches away. “Gookaaahhh” Tae Joo called into Kang Gook’s ear. “Gook aaaahhh” Tae Joo shouted louder.

Kang Gook exchanged a look with the driver through the rearview mirror. “Okay. Okay, yes. What?” Kang Gook lowered his voice to a whisper, hoping that Tae Joo would follow.

Instead, Tae Joo pushed up the corners of Kang Gook’s mouth into a smile and shrieked, “Aww yeppuda!”

“Yah, Tae Joo ah!” Gook grabbed Tae Joo’s hands before glancing at the driver again and nodding apologetically. Tae Joo fell silent after Kang Gook yelled, so he assumed he had fallen asleep. Thank god, he thought to himself. He knew Tae Joo’s father would be hearing about this.

 When they arrived at the apartment, he looked at Tae Joo to find that he was just sitting there staring at his feet. Kang Gook realized he was still holding Tae Joo’s hand and quickly let it go. “Come on” he said pulling Tae Joo out of the car by his sleeve. “Kamsahabnida! Cheongmal kamsahabnida! Jwaeseonghabnida!” He called to the driver as he shut the car door. Kang Gook hurried Tae Joo into the apartment before anyone else saw him like this.

“What on earth did you drink?” Kang Gook mumbled to himself as he wrestled off Tae Joo’s shoes in the doorway. As far as he knew, Tae Joo only had a beer and some of the soju. Normally when it was just two of them, Tae Joo could clear 3 bottles on his own, at a minimum. Even then, he would still have his wits about him. But after a few beers and a bottle of soju he seemed to be pretty drunk. “Would you like some water?” Kang Gook asked as he walked into the kitchen. Tae Joo didn’t respond so Kang Gook brought him the water anyway. He sat it down it down on the coffee table.

“Are you feeling okay?” he asked, “your face looks a little red.” Kang Gook squatted down in front of Tae Joo and raised his palm to feel Tae Joo’s forehead. Tae Joo swatted Kang Gook’s hand away, and Kang Gook sighed, “Well let me know if you think you’re going to be sick…” before taking a seat next to Tae Joo on the couch. Tae Joo placed his head on Kang Gook’s shoulder, before turning his head slightly so his lips were almost touching Kang Gook’s neck. Kang Gook could feel Tae Joo’s hot breath creeping down his shirt and his heart began to race. “Maybe its time for bed huh?” Kang Gook patted Tae Joo on the leg before pushing himself off the couch, but Tae Joo stopped him.

“Did I tell you what happened when Ji Hyeon was here” said Tae Joo softly. Kang Gook’s stomach did a somersault.

“I didn’t ask.” Kang Gook said sharply. Tae Joo laughed.

“I couldn’t… “ Tae Joo started before Kang Gook interrupted.

“Please, you really don’t have to tell me” Kang Gook had an idea of what happened, but he didn’t need confirmation, and he didn’t need to hear it from Tae Joo.

“She and I…” Tae Joo started. Kang Gook focused on his breath. He didn’t understand why Tae Joo was telling him this. Maybe he needed him to fold his feelings better. “I couldn’t do it.” Tae Joo paused and raised his head. “With her. I couldn’t do it.”

Kang Gook couldn’t look at Tae Joo. His palms felt sticky from sweat.

“Why do you think I couldn’t do it?” Tae Joo asked as he shifted his body, so he was now looking at Kang Gook.

“I don’t know Tae Joo.” Kang Gook scratched the back of his head as he looked around the room. “Maybe you felt bad for Pil Hyeon?” Kang Gook shrugged. Tae Joo shook his head.

“No. No. Because tonight, tonight I couldn’t do it either.” Kang Gook could feel Tae Joo’s eyes staring a hole into the side of his face. “Why do you think I couldn’t do it?” Tae Joo moved closer to Kang Gook, and rested a hand on Kang Gook’s thigh. It felt warm “She was kissing me” he began drawing circles with his finger on Kang Gook’s thigh, “and I felt nothing.”

“Tae Joo…” Kang Gook started, but he couldn’t think. He could feel his body aching from Tae Joo’s touch. Tae Joo leaned closer, as his hand began traveling up the stitching of Kang Gook’s pants.

“I couldn’t get excited.” He said in almost a whisper. “All I could think about was..” He lightly pressed into Kang Gook’s crotch with his palm eliciting a gasp from Kang Gook.

“Tae Joo I—” Kang Gook tried again, but the words were lost as soon as Tae Joo’s mouth touched the nape of his neck. The soft feeling of his lips and tongue, which Kang Gook had only felt before with the tips of his fingers. Tae Joo fumbled with the button on Kang Gook’s pants for a moment as he continued kissing down Kang Gooks neck to his chest. Kang Gook was frozen, his mind was static. Tae Joo doesn’t mean this. He’s drunk. Kang Gook pushed Tae Joo away, causing him to stumble slightly. Tae Joo stood up, looking confused and slightly embarrassed.

“Tae Joo…” Kang Gook started, he looked up at Tae Joo, his hair sticking up in the back and his cheeks and ears a deep shade of burgundy.

“Okay.” Tae Joo mumbled.

“Tae Joo…” Kang Gook reached forward grabbing Tae Joo’s hand. “Tae Joo…” he squeezed his hand tighter before pulling him closer. It was like the words had evaporated in his mouth, and all that was left was Tae Joo’s name. What did he even want to say? I’m sorry? I can’t because I like you? Or maybe I love you?

“It’s fine…” Tae Joo started to pull his hand away, but Kang Gook held on tighter. He pulled him close enough that he could wrap his arms around Tae Joo. He pressed his face into Tae Joo’s abdomen before he could stop himself and took a deep breath. The room was still for a moment. Tae Joo let go of Kang Gook’s hand and touched Kang Gook’s hair softly. Kang Gook lightly pressed his mouth against Tae Joo’s shirt, slowly laying kisses along the spots directly in front of him. He pushed up the hem of Tae Joo’s shirt to reveal his small patch of peach fuzz, leading into his jeans. Kang Gook lightly ran his finger along the trail, as Tae Joo’s body tensed up slightly.

“That tickles” Tae Joo said, almost at a whisper, his eyes were glued to Kang Gook. Kang Gook placed both his hands on Tae Joo’s ass, pulling him closer as he laid soft kisses around his belly button and hip bones. Tae Joo had stopped stroking his hair, so Kang Gook looked up to see Tae Joo staring down at him. His eyes were locked on Kang Gook, but he wasn’t stopping him. Kang Gook laid more kisses along the rim of Tae Joo’s pants. He wanted to see all of him, he wanted to feel all of him, and taste all of him. He ran his fingers along the edge before landing on the front button, which unfastened with ease. He pulled down Tae Joo’s pants, freeing the bulge still pressed against his underwear.

Kang Gook had never seen another man’s erect penis before. He had only felt Tae Joo’s, but he had never looked at it. He was both scared and excited, his heart was pounding. He ran his tongue along Tae Joo’s fuzzy abdomen, as his hands lightly grasped Tae Joo’s ass. He pushed down Tae Joo’s underpants, fully releasing his erection, slightly glistening at the tip from his excitement. Kang Gook looked up at Tae Joo, who’s mouth was slightly agape, his eyes glued to Kang Gook’s every movement.

Kang Gook pressed his tongue against the tip. It was salty, but not really unpleasant. What he thoroughly enjoyed was the small noise that escaped Tae Joo’s mouth as soon as he made contact. He looked up observing Tae Joo’s face maybe asking permission, maybe looking for confirmation, but he wasn’t looking at Kang Gook anymore. His hands were covering his face, but he didn’t seem to hate it. Kang Gook stuck his tongue out again, this time dragging it along the shaft before filling his mouth with Tae Joo.

“Oh fuck” Tae Joo groaned, as his hips bucked forward slightly. “Sorry” he said softly. Kang Gook shook his head with, making a slight “unuh” with his mouth, he didn’t mind. Something about the vibration in his response to Tae Joo’s sorry, must have felt good, because Tae Joo bucked forward again, letting out a high pitched sound he had never heard before. He made another “mmm”, eliciting a “what the fuck” from Tae Joo, which made Kang Gook laugh. He wasn’t really sure what he was doing, but whatever it was, Tae Joo seemed to be enjoying it. He continued moving his head back and forward, using his hands to pull with a little more grip. It didn’t seem to take long before he could feel Tae Joo’s body begin to pulse, he sounded like a rice cooker letting off steam as a warm salty liquid erupted into Kang Gook’s mouth. It wasn’t an unpleasant taste, but it wasn’t his favorite. He wasn’t exactly sure what to do with it, so he just swallowed it. As Tae Joo continued shivering against him. Kang Gook pressed his face into Tae Joo’s abdomen again, that was now covered in sweat. He could feel Tae Joo’s heart pounding as he wrapped his arms around Tae Joo’s waist, and they stayed like that for a while.

He didn’t know how many minutes passed, but eventually Tae Joo quietly peeled himself away from Kang Gook, before hopping in the shower. Kang Gook spread out on the couch, listening to the sound of water rushing. At some point he must have dosed off, because when he opened his eyes light was shining through the living room window.

Chapter Text

Tae Joo turned on the shower before taking a seat on the toilet lid. His heart was still pounding after what had transpired moments earlier. When they arrived at the house, his mind was in a haze. He didn’t know why he was pushing Gook, maybe it was because he was bored. Maybe it was because he was horny…. Maybe… he took a few deep breaths trying to calm the thoughts racing through his mind. None of that was true. He had tried hard to let go of what happened, to forget. The little moments where skin brushed skin still caused the memories of the firm touch of Gook’s hands tracing his torso crashing into his thoughts, but he had gotten so good at brushing them aside. He had come up with a long list of rationalizations for why his heart would start racing from the slight glimpse of his torso or the way he had to force a smile when Gook mentioned he made plans with Hyemi. It was what he wanted after all, wasn’t it?

But as he sat there with the sound of water tapping against the shower curtain, he could still feel the electricity from Gook’s touch and all he wanted was to feel it again, to touch and to taste him back. To make him groan in earnest and feel the softness of Gook’s full lips against his own. He studied his palms as he felt moisture begin to collect at the brim of his eyes. But he was so scared. Not of what his father would do. Not of how other people would respond, but he couldn’t lose Kang Gook. He couldn’t go through saying goodbye to the person he loved most, not again.

So there it was. He couldn’t stop himself, but he was too much of a coward to acknowledge the blaringly obvious. Tears started to fall out of frustration and loss. He tried to wipe them away, but it only seemed to make them fall harder. He pulled his knees up to his chest and bit his bottom lip to stifle his sobs even though they were likely drowned out by the running shower. His chest was warm and it ached, it bloomed and it wilted. He squeezed his legs tighter pressing his nails into his shins.

The bathroom began to fill with steam from the running water and his breaths became more labored and shallowed. He needed to calm down. If he didn’t, Gook would come running in here looking for him. And after that… and he saw him like this… Tae Joo released his grip and slowly stood up, still dizzy from both his hyperventilation and the humidity from the shower.

He hesitated as he pulled up his shirt, eyeing the marks that Gook had left down his torso. He traced his fingers along the path Gook’s mouth had taken, causing him to shiver again at the thought of the tender nibble of his skin, eased by the soft caress of his tongue. He knew it would be much harder to ignore this time, the thought of Gook’s mouth taking him in still etched in his mind. He took a few more deep breaths before stepping into the shower.

+++

“Goo—” Tae Joo started as he emerged from the bathroom. His eyes fell upon a Kang Gook stretched long across the sofa, his one arm crossed at his chest with the other tucked behind his head, his legs elevated on the arms of the sofa. His abdomen was exposed slightly from the rise of his shirt, soft dark hair contrasting against his light skin. He wanted to know how it felt on the tips of his fingers.

When he was awake, Gook looked easily intimidating with his broad shoulders and heavily muscled arms, but laying there he looked so soft and warm. Tae Joo shook his head, causing droplets of water to fall around him. They could talk in the morning. They would talk in the morning, he thought.

+++

Tae Joo woke up to the savory smell of hangover soup hovering in the air. He pulled his arms and legs in opposite directions, stretching himself long underneath the blanket he did not have when he fell asleep. A grin spread on his face as he hugged the blanket close to him, inhaling the scent of Gook. He felt a pain in his lower back from sleeping on the floor, but he wanted to fall asleep admiring Gook’s beautiful form splayed out on their couch.

“Oh, you’re up” a voice said quietly from behind him. He pressed his chin up and to look back at an upside down Gook.

“Is that for me?” Tae Joo asked, eyeing the pot of soup held between oven mitts before rolling over on to his belly to push himself up.

“Mmm” Gook responded with a nod, avoiding Tae Joo’s eyes. “Come, eat before it gets cold” he gestured at the table after he set down the hot ceramic bowl.

“Goo—” Tae Joo started and moved to reach for his hand, but before he could make contact Gook turned away.

“Hurry and eat. We’re going to be late” Gook muttered before heading back into the kitchen.

“For…?” Tae Joo trailed behind him, keeping a few paces behind. Something didn’t feel right.

“Your tutoring.” Gook responded.

“Ahh” Tae Joo tapped his palm with his fist, “Mat-ta”. Silence fell over the kitchen; the only sound was the clink of Gook putting dishes in the dishwasher.

“Maybe after tutoring we ca—”

“Don’t forget I am getting lunch with Hyemi” Gook interrupted. “I’ll drop you off at tutoring first then…”

“I’m not a child!” Snapped Tae Joo. His cheeks were warm and pink. After last night, he had completely forgotten about Hyemi. He hadn’t spared anyone else a single thought, only Gook occupied his mind. But here he was in front of him, and he wouldn’t even look at Tae Joo. Tae Joo dug his nails into his palm, “You don’t need to escort me. I can get there myself.” His voice carrying a mixture of hurt and arrogance. If Gook noticed, he didn’t show it.

“It’s my job Tae Joo.” He said softly, before closing the dishwasher. “Hurry up and eat. We don’t want to keep your tutor waiting.”

Tae Joo watched as Gook walked away and into their bedroom, closing the door for the second time in their relationship.

+++

When Kang Gook awoke his arm was completely numb from being wedged under his head all night. He handled it carefully as he sat up, groaning as the ache of blood beginning to flow signaled his arm waking up. As he continued massaging his arm, he noticed a small form curled up on the living room floor with only a pillow stuck underneath his head. He could have at least gotten himself a blanket. Gook let out a soft sigh before placing his blanket over Tae Joo’s somewhat unnatural looking sleeping position, noting the jut of his bottom lip. Even in his dreams he pouts, he thought with a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. His hand twitched at the thought of how soft those lips felt at the tips of his fingers. He wondered what they would feel like against his own.

As he felt a familiar heat blossoming in his abdomen, flashes of the previous night crashed into his thoughts unceremoniously and unwelcomed.

He remembered Tae Joo’s hand resting on the lower back of some girl he had never seen.

He remembered Tae Joo’s untucked shirt as the same girl stormed past Kang Gook outside of the building.

He remembered Tae Joo struggling to stand up straight as they waited for Driver Yang and the way his cheeks were flushed from the warmth of liquor.

He remembered Tae Joo’s hand tracing the seam of his pants and the warmth of his breath brush against his neck.

He remembered his mouth tasting the heat of Tae Joo’s abdomen for the first time and his…

But Tae Joo was drunk. Gook’s thoughts were racing as pangs of guilt and regret invaded his body. Not because he didn’t want to touch Tae Joo and taste Tae Joo, but because he wanted to. He wanted to so badly that it physically hurt. He wanted to so badly that he couldn’t think. That sometimes it hurt to breathe. He couldn’t see… didn’t want to see, the reality that Tae Joo was drunk, horny, or bored or any number of things that brought him to Kang Gook, and Kang Gook should have known better. He should have been stronger at resisting his desires with Tae Joo. Even when he knew Tae Joo was just drunk, even when he knew how he gets, he still pulled him towards him. Tae Joo may have started it, but he wasn’t in the position to know better. Kang Gook was.  He isn’t safe with me. Kang Gook thought for the first time in their 15 years together. He could protect Tae Joo from any threat except himself. I said would stop. Kang Gook’s hands were clenched so tight he was shaking in a mixture of anger and sadness. I can’t protect him from me.

Chapter Text

“What happened to your cast?” Tae Joo hadn’t looked at Kang Gook since they left the café, let alone said anything which was so unlike Tae Joo. Normally, it was Tae Joo who was coaxing the conversation out of Kang Gook and Kang Gook would bask in the rare moments of silence. But as they waited for Driver Yang, Kang Gook felt uneasy with this particular silence. It felt weighty and tense.

“I was lying” Tae Joo said cooly, without looking back. Kang Gook’s mouth fell open slightly before clamping shut as he tensed his jaw. It wasn’t that he was surprised, this was the type of shit Tae Joo did; he was dramatic and needy. He was so fucking manipulative when he didn’t get his way. And Kang Gook knew that, he knew that about Tae Joo, but this time-- he went too far this time. Fine, maybe he wanted to punish Kang Gook, or to see how far he could take it, but he-- he didn’t need him to help him undress. He didn’t need him to help him shower. He didn’t--

Driver Yang pulled up as Kang Gook was trying to process the information Tae Joo had just casually shared, as if it had no implications. As Tae Joo reached for the door, Kang Gook realized that his hands had worked themselves into tight fists, nails digging into his palms threatening to draw blood.  Why? Why was he doing this? Kang Gook took a deep breath and tried not to react, Tae Joo had just been messing with him.

Tae Joo paused a beat before looking back at Kang Gook, keeping his eyes low to the ground.

“I’m not feeling well, you should find your own way home” Tae Joo didn’t wait for an answer as he slid into the open door. Kang Gook’s hands twitched, everything in his body was screaming at him to grab Tae Joo out of the car, to yell at him, to beg him to tell him what was going on.

As Tae Joo went to shut the door, Kang Gook found his hand clutching the frame. Tae Joo looked up, finally meeting Kang Gook’s eyes, but only for a moment. All of the warmth that was normally there was now replaced by something that ached to look at.

“Go.” He said again, leaning back into the seat. Kang Gook searched for Tae Joo’s eyes. What was he thinking? “Please” he added. And if the anger hadn’t been rising in Kang Gook’s throat, it might have sounded like a plea.

“Fuc—whatever.” Kang Gook slammed the door and watched as the tail lights of the car faded across the bridge. He took a deep breath and imagined all of the words he had swallowed exiting through his exhale like bile. He tried to calm himself, to just think about it like every other thing Tae Joo does. His selfish nature, that he knows abou—has known about.

And yet, and yet, he couldn’t get the flashes of those moments out of his head. The moments he tried to ignore, that he silently begged Tae Joo to remember and forget. He leaned over the guard rail, grasping until his knuckles turned white, he may have been shaking, he wasn’t sure. He swallowed again, to keep it down. All of the words and the feelings and the thoughts that had been simmering in his throat, but Kang Gook was tired. He had been forcing it all down for so long that the pressure threatened to rip his throat apart.

“ARGHHH!” Kang Gook screamed at the top of his lungs, hands grasping the back of his neck so hard he felt like it might bruise. He threw his leg out, kicking the rail between the road and the walkway; pain radiating up his leg from his foot. “Fuck fuck fuck” he muttered as he hopped around on one leg. “God fucking dammit!” He shouted again, wanting to punch something, anything. What the fuck was happening? He told him to go. He wanted him to go. And Kang Gook… Kang Gook was just doing what Tae Joo wanted. He was always just doing whatever Tae Joo fucking wanted like walking 6 miles back to their apartment because Tae Joo was upset. And that took precedent over everything, even when Tae Joo was manipulating him, he was his master, and Kang Gook his servent

Kang Gook balled his hands into fists, more crescents from his fingernails painting his palms. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to focus on the sensation of the cool river air colliding with the back of his throat. He thought about his mothers Juk fresh out of the rice cooker and the smell of the dojo when it had just been cleaned. He thought about the feeling of warm laundry pulled out of the dryer and the first sip of milk from the carton. He thought about sorting the recyclables, and riding his motorcycle, and the feeling of Tae Joo’s hands, and Tae Joo’s smell and his laugh and his face contorted in pleasure … and the feeling of Tae Joo in his arms and…. One emotion was replaced with another, the anger blanketed by the ache in his chest.

He wanted to feel numb. Numb numb numb. It would be so much easier. After some amount of time that Kang Gook couldn’t keep track of, his heart was no longer pounding and all that was left was ache. He let out a sigh as he began limping home.

+++

Tae Joo fought to hold back tears. He was angry and sad, but mostly angry he thought. He didn’t want the Driver Yang to see him cry because he knew his father would hear about this, and the last thing he wanted was for him to think Gook had done something wrong. And as much as he hated him in this moment, he hated the idea of being separated from him more. But he could feel the pressure building as tears threatened to fall. He absently picked at his cuticles as he chewed on the inside of his cheek to keep the tears at bay, for now. He knew it was unreasonable, that he was so angry and upset. He was the one who gave Hyemi Gook’s number. He was the one who badgered him into contacting her. He was the one but… how? How could he actually do it? After everything… after all the... Tae Joo leaned his head back hoping gravity would keep the tears in his eyes. Kang Gook wouldn’t hurt me, not on purpose. He told himself. He could feel his pulse beginning to slow. He cares about me, his hands stopped fidgeting. He loves me. Tae Joo’s eyes flew open at the thought. He loves me… he loves me…. Right? Tae Joo sat up, quickly wiping whatever moisture had managed to break free from his eyes with his palm. Right? He needed to know, he needed to ask. Almost frantic he asked Driver Yang to turn around.

+++

“Just cause I told you to walk didn’t mean you had too. Why wouldn’t you take a Bus or a Taxi?”

“You’re doing as you please again” Kang Gook shuffled his feet. His toes were numb, one still aching from his fight with the guard rail, and he was sure his nose was bright pink from the chill.

 “Let’s go.” Tae Joo demanded, opening up the door.

Kang Gook thought about turning away, about quitting and walking away from Tae Joo, but the thought was short lived as moments later he slid onto the seat next to him.

+++

The ride was full of a weighty silence. Even if it wasn’t spoken, Kang Gook was sure that Driver Yang could feel it too. Silence was unusual from Tae Joo, and he was sure despite their best efforts to remain passive until they got home, neither of their expressions could be considered remotely neutral. Tae Joo’s eyes were fixed in his lap and Kang Gook’s jaw was pressed so tight it was starting to ache.

The silence continued even when they dismissed Driver Yang and made their way up their door step. Kang Gook thought maybe they just wouldn’t talk about it again. Maybe this would just be another one of those things that they let slip away like an after thought or a silly dream. But as they crossed the barrier into their apartment, Tae Joo finally broke the silence.

“Why did I do that to you?” Tae Joo’s voice was so soft, it was almost like it wasn’t directed at him. Kang Gook scoffed as he removed his shoes.

“How would I know why you did that?” he muttered as he made his way into the living room.

“You’re right.” Kang Gook froze. “I’ve never felt like this before.” Tae Joo usually spoke with such certainty, it was one of his charms. Even when he wasn’t sure about something, most wouldn’t be able to tell otherwise. But Kang Gook was sure he had heard his voice shake. “Have you ever felt something like that towards me?”

Kang Gook felt a lump rising in his throat “I don’t know what you’re talking about” He tried to keep the words steady as they left his mouth. A new fear began to take hold. He wasn’t going to ruin this. He wasn’t going to lose Tae Joo.

“Don’t lie.” Kang Gook felt the hair stand up on the back of his neck as he felt Tae Joo’s fingertips brush against his elbow. “Look at me.”

Kang Gook’s heart was pounding as he turned around. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Kang Gook’s eyes were glued to the door behind Tae Joo “I’m tired and I don’t want to play whatever game you’re playing Tae Joo. Let’s just…” he could hear his voice crack slightly. He knew that his goal to mask how shaken he was had already failed, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t do this. He would do anything to avoid having the words be spoken out loud. He took a deep breath steadying himself “Let’s just… go to bed okay?” He knew that it came out like a plea, that it was like he was begging. But maybe he was. Maybe he was begging, to stay by Tae Joo’s side. For them to forget. For him to forget.

Tae Joo studied him for a moment before nodding his head.

+++

Tae Joo couldn’t sleep at all and he suspected Gook was the same. He listened for the measured steady breaths that normally accompanied Gook’s sleeping form, but this time they came off inconsistent, and at times more akin to a sigh than a breath. Every time he closed his eyes he saw flashes of Hyemi’s hand brushing up against Gook’s as they ate, a rosy pink blush collecting on his cheeks, and his eyes, only looking at her, at someone who wasn’t Tae Joo. Fuck, he let out a groan as he turned over to face the wall.

A moment, that was all it took, before the weight of Kang Gook’s arm draped over him. Tae Joo froze.

“Go to sleep Tae Joo.” Gook mumbled as he pulled him closer, into his chest.

“Why?” Tae Joo muttered, the tears he had been suppressing dripping onto his pillow. A long silence followed, before he felt Gook loosen his hold and move to release him from his embrace. In a panic Tae Joo gripped his hand to his chest. “No. Please.” He choked out. “I won’t ask again. Just…” he took a deep breath as he buried his face in his pillow, “just don’t let me go. Okay? Please?” he knew he was holding onto Gook as if he was on the verge of drowning, but he was afraid if he let him go he might really vanish. Gook didn’t respond at first, the only sound was Tae Joo’s failed attempts at stifling his sobs.

 “Tae Joo” Gook’s voice strained “let go.” It was like all of the air had been sucked out of Tae Joo’s lungs; he couldn’t breathe. This was the moment he was going to leave. Just like everyone else he got sick of Tae Joo and he was going to leave him alone. Just like his mom. It was exactly like his dad always said, he was useless.

“Stop. Hey.” A hand tugging at his shirt disrupted his spiral. He pried Tae Joo’s hand off of his arm and tucked the other under his neck, pulling Tae Joo into a full embrace. “Ssshh. Hey,” He breathed into the top of Tae Joo’s head. “I’m not going anywhere. Who said I was going somewhere?” Gook’s voice cracked. A hand stroked the back of Tae Joo’s head, as Tae Joo cried harder.

Chapter Text

They didn’t talk about it the next morning. Or the morning after. Two weeks had passed with an unspoken understanding that the events from that night wouldn’t be discussed, as if everything would shatter at a slight whisper of the wrong words. Tae Joo still felt self-conscious, worried that any misstep might drive Gook away for good. And Gook… well Tae Joo would never claim to know exactly what he was thinking. He thought he knew him well, better than anyone even, but these last few months had shown him he didn’t really understand Kang Gook, not at all. He took a deep breath as he leaned his head back on the cool metal of the locker door.

“Tae Joo ya!” Pil Hyeon’s voice echoed in the locker room. He slapped Tae Joo’s shoulder leaving a stinging buzz the size of his hand before sitting down on the opposite bench, directly in front of Tae Joo. “Where is your shadow? I haven’t seen you guys around lately” Tae Joo just shrugged, his usual playfulness muted. Pil Hyeon eyed him for a moment and clicked his tongue. “Well…” he paused, surveying the room as if Gook would pop out of one of the lockers. “I might be overstepping but…” he tapped his palms against his knees, taking one more glance around. He must actually be afraid of Gook, the thought made Tae Joo smirk. Well at least there’s that. “Are you guys… you know… fighting?” Pil Hyeon’s voice dropped low. It wasn’t really a whisper, it didn’t seem as though Pil Hyeon new how to whisper, he just made his voice deeper as if that would stifle the sound. Tae Joo tensed at the question, his mouth pressing into a flat line “Wh—yes” he said a little louder than he intended. “You are overstepping a bit. But…” he continued “we—it’s fine. Things are fine.” Tae Joo shuffled his feet a bit, hands gripping the concrete bench.

“I see.” Pil Hyeon eyed Tae Joo “say you’re fine once more and I’ll believe you.”

Tae Joo scoffed, “I don’t see why it matters to you” his fingers fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

A momentary silence fell between the two, broken by Pil Hyeon when he clapped his hands together and let out a gasp.

“Aish!” Tae Joo kicked Pil Hyeon in surprise.

Pil Hyeon hissed, rubbing his shin and raising his hand in apology before leaning forward, “Hokshi… seolma…” he chuckled a bit to himself, shaking his head. “Are you… are you guys fighting over a girl?” Pil Hyeon placed a hand was over his mouth looking scandalized and Tae Joo shot him a glare. Pil Hyeon moved next to Tae Joo, throwing his arm around around his shoulder. “I’m right huh? It’s that girl, the cute one with the glasses. What’s her name? Hyeri? Haru--”

“Hyemi” Pil Hyeon and Tae Joo startled at the sudden appearance of Gook. His mouth was drawn into a tight line, his eyes like two burning pieces of ember directed at Pil Hyeon and the had resting over Tae Joo. Tae Joo shouldered Pil Hyeon off, worried that if he didn’t Gook might accidentally throw him into the lockers.

“You’re crazy Pil Hyeon. She’s—we’re not—”

“I’m just saying, I know how you like to steal other people’s girlfriends.” Pil Hyeon winked before scrunching his nose as if he just remembered he was the people who had their girlfrien-- girlfriends stolen. Tae Joo could see him flinch at the self-inflicted reminder.

“I only like your girlfriends Pil Hyeon” Tae Joo grinned, causing the boy’s face to fall into a full scowl.

“Yah! Tae Joo!” Pil Hyeon shoved Tae Joo to the side, motioning to grab his shirt before a very strong rather big hand was grasping his bicep. “Hey, yah” Pil Hyeon forced out a laugh looking between Gook and Tae Joo. “We were just joking ha ha. I don’t think he actually wants to steal your girlfriend. Ha ha ha” His laughter, if you could call it that, was incredibly strained. Pil Hyeon looked to Tae Joo for help, and he just shrugged.

“I wasn’t joking” Tae Joo said with a smirk and a wink, he liked getting Pil Hyeon riled up. He glanced to the side and caught Gook’s expression, that burning ember in his eyes now focused on Tae Joo. 

“We’re going to be late” Gook grumbled, releasing Pil Hyeon before stepping outside without checking to see if Tae Joo was behind him.

+++

 “I really thought they were going to throw it at her.” Kang Gook pressed the cold water bottle into Tae Joo’s cheek. Fuck. It’s probably gonna bruise. Kang Gook’s hand twitched as he resisted the urge to stroke the swollen pink skin.

Tae Joo snatched the water bottle. “She must be paying a lot to get the same amount of protection as me” Tae Joo’s words were thick with sarcasm, his annoyance clearly painted on his face. Kang Gook winced at the reminder of their arrangement, he’d stopped allowing himself to wonder what their relationship might be like under different circumstances but the reality check still stung. “Aish!” Tae Joo’s shouted. The plastic on the bottle was cheap and flimsy, causing it to buckle under Tae Joo’s grip. Water spilled out the top painting the front of Tae Joo in cold damp streaks. “Ugh!” he yelled as he tossed the bottle aside, water flying out in Kang Gook’s direction.

“Yah!”

Tae Joo rolled his eyes before pulling his knees into his chest. “I wasn’t thirsty anyway.” He grumbled, yanking up pieces of grass. The image of Tae Joo sulking reminded Kang Gook of a young child, pouting because their parents made them share their favorite toy. He wondered if that was the same hurt that Tae Joo was feeling, like he had to share his toys. Kang Gook forced himself not to think about how he was likely the toy in said scenario. He sighed and handed Tae Joo his own water bottle before sitting down next to him. He tried to ignore feeling of wet grass seeping into his bottoms, and more distractingly, the warmth of Tae Joo’s thigh pressed against his own.

“I’m really sorry” Kang Gook tried again, tracing the blades of grass with his fingertips. “Tae Joo?” he craned his face searching for his eyes, “Tae Jooo” he called in a sing song voice, nudging him with his shoulder. Tae Joo jerked his arm away, really leaning into his tantrum. Kang Gook let out a sigh before laying back with his hands behind his head, he just needs a moment. He closed his eyes allowing the sun to warm his cheeks.

And as expected, a few minutes later Tae Joo grumbled “I can’t believe you picked her over me”, a circle of dirt now occupying the space where lush grass used to be. Kang Gook rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t ‘pick her over you’. I really thought they were going to throw it at her.” And he meant it, sort of. He did think they were going to throw it at her, but he was in a bit of a mood after he had to listen to Pil Hyeon go on about how Tae Joo is, well, Tae Joo. And maybe it was petty, but Kang Gook had to watch Tae Joo in various situations with many different girls, not just Pil Hyeon’s. And even after all that, he had the gall to ask him if he ‘ever felt like that’. He wanted to scream yes. Yes, every fucking time I have to watch you touch someone else. Every time I have to stand within ear shot of your flings giggling and groaning. The memories fucking haunt me.

He wanted to bring up that stupid exchange student, David or whatever the fuck his name was, and how much it burned him up to see Tae Joo, not only kissing someone else, but a man. Back then he thought it was some sort of protective anger, that he was frustrated Tae Joo would take that kind of risk. But now, he knew it was deeper than that. And that’s why he didn’t bring it up, it was too much, too real. It had too many implications and he knew Tae Joo was just throwing a fit-- although, he would admit he had wavered a bit that night when Tae Joo cried and begged him not to leave. He allowed himself to wonder which Kang Gook he wanted to stay by his side. But Pil Hyeon and his stupid big mouth gave Kang Gook the reality check he needed, even if he wanted to pull the boys arm out of its socket when he touched Tae Joo.

So maybe part of him wanted them to hit Tae Joo-- not in the face, that was… unexpected. But maybe just enough for it to sting a bit, just a tiny fraction of what Kang Gook had been feeling. And he knew it was petty, but he lied to him, manipulated him. And, sure, maybe he didn’t know the depth to which Kang Gook had struggled the last few months—but he was bitter. He was bitter that Tae Joo seemed to be somewhat aware of Kang Gook’s feelings, yet he was perfectly okay throwing a tantrum because someone else was claiming Kang Gook’s attention. And as much as it pained him to think about, he needed the reminder that Tae Joo is the guy that steals someone else’s girlfriend.

“Just think of it as karma.” Kang Gook muttered, it wasn’t until he saw Tae Joo’s head whip around that he realized he’d said that out loud.

“Karma? For what?”

Kang Gook cocked an eyebrow before raising up his arm and shaking his wrist.

Tae Joo rolled his eyes “Are you still upset about that?” Kang Gook felt his face heating up. Tae Joo’s tone was so dismissive it felt like a punch in the gut.

“Are you still throwing your tantrum?” Kang Gook spat back. Fine, if he wants to behave like a child I’ll treat him like a child.

Tae Joo’s eyes went wide, and for a moment Kang Gook thought he was going to start berating him about how the latter was the servant, and the former the master, as if he needed reminding once again. Instead, he found himself pinned by the weight of Tae Joo, his shoulders pressed firmly into the dirt.

“Wha—Tae Joo” Tae Joo’s chestnut colored eyes were piercing into him, he could feel his heartbeat rising into his throat. Kang Gook tore his eyes away, frantically looking around for spectators as much as his position would allow, which wasn’t much. They were in the middle of the open field at school, it wasn’t exactly a private venue. The only thing in their vicinity was more grass and the track that wrapped around it, nothing to obscure the scene. It wouldn’t be hard to see Tae Joo straddling Kang Gook-- Not straddling—pinned. He has me pinned, like at the dojo. Tae Joo brought his face close enough Kang Gook could swear he could taste his breath, minty like their toothpaste. Kang Gook tried to wedge himself out from under Tae Joo’s grip, his thoughts reeling between the desire to be drowning in the flavor of Tae Joo’s toothpaste, the feeling of Tae Joo pressed against him and the knowledge that if someone saw them-- if his father found out…

“Please. Tae Joo—don’t-- not here.” Kang Gook grunted as he tried to wiggle himself free. If anyone saw, this… this could be it. Tae Joo pulled away, suddenly the sun wasn’t enough to keep Kang Gook’s cheeks warm. Tae Joo’s eyebrows raised up to meet his bangs.

“Don’t what?” his voice wasn’t teasing, like Kang Gook would have expected. It was riddled with frustration and something else Kang Gook didn’t want to think about. Tae Joo’s eyes followed the contours of his face before settling on his lips. “What are you afraid of? That people will see?” Tae Joo’s eyes flicked back to Kang Gook’s, his voice low. “What will they see Kang Gook?” Tae Joo never used Kang Gook’s full name, it sent shivers down his spine. “we’re just two friends playing around right?” Tae Joo’s hand traced Kang Gook’s exposed skin, up his neck, until he was cradling his face with his palm. "This doesn’t mean anything, so it doesn’t matter, just a master and his servant right?” Tae Joo’s eyes were completely devoid of their usual playfulness.

“I—” Kang Gook croaked, his eyes flicked to Tae Joo’s lips, pink and supple. He could feel the heat of Tae Joo’s gaze fixing him in place as much as the hand still gripping his shoulder. The fear of being discovered increasingly dominated by other sensations. “Please—lets—please lets just do this later. We can have a bout. Okay? I promise, we can do this later.” He knew he was pleading, begging, because honestly, he could feel the edges of his reason fraying. Tae Joo shifted his weight, digging their hips together. Kang Gook swallowed a groan at the sensation; it was taking everything in him not to chase the feeling.

Tae Joo leaned down, his lips hovering above Kang Gook’s, before his mouth stretched into a smile. He pressed once more into the other boys shoulders before rolling off. Kang Gook could feel his cheeks flush in embarrassment, anger, and relief. Tae Joo knew exactly what he was doing with the boy, he was toying with him. And if he hadn’t released him, Kang Gook would have let him play.

Chapter Text

Silence filled the locker room, the only sound was clothes shuffling off bodies and softly falling on the floor. They hadn’t exchanged more than a few words since they had left the field. Kang Gook was preoccupied, his thoughts swirling between the anxiety someone saw them and the fear of what he had promised Tae Joo. They would talk about it, that’s what he said, all of the unspoken things, all of the things he swallowed that threatened to erupt from his throat. He had pushed it off before, but this time it felt different. This time it felt like if they didn’t, something catastrophic might happen. But how could they stay together if he said the words out loud? The delicate bubble they coexisted in would burst, sending them careening into unknown complex territory neither of them were prepared for. He wished the day would swallow them both up in an infinite loop that never ended, that somehow that inevitable moment they had been circling like sharks smelling blood in the water could just be put off a little bit longer. Just a bit.

But the day went by with unprecedented haste and soon Kang Gook found himself tying the belt of his Gi and willing his hands to stop shaking. He couldn’t let Tae Joo see he was undone before they even began.

“Are you ready?” Tae Joo’s bangs fell soft on his forehead, threatening to disrupt his vision. Kang Gook suppressed the desire to brush them off to the side and run his thumb along his brow and instead squatted down putting his weight into his heels. Something about this moment felt eerily familiar, like a dream he had once. And maybe it was because he was so distracted trying to place the feeling he couldn’t quite remember, he soon found himself pinned to the ground with his hand twisted behind his back.

“I don’ knov if dis couns as a lega muv Tae Jo” Kang Gook’s words were being eaten up by the pressure of his face pressed into the floor.

“I think it counts as long as it’s working” he could hear Tae Joo’s smirk from behind him as he pressed harder into the hold. Ass, he thought, before leaning up and into the twist, sending Tae Joo flying off his back, hitting the ground with a thud. Kang Gook didn’t release Tae Joo’s arm but instead pulled it between his legs, locking Tae Joo’s head between his thighs. Tae Joo squirmed trying to find his way out, but Kang Gook just pulled Tae Joo’s arm taut until he felt the familiar tap of surrender on his thigh.

The two men rolled over, chests heaving trying to fill their lungs with air. 

+++

“Do you want to go again?” they had just finished their 3^rd round, but Kang Gook wasn’t ready to take a break. He was worried as soon as they stopped pummeling each other Tae Joo would start pressing him to talk, and he wasn’t ready to do that. 

“Do you want to die?” Kang Gook rolled his eyes as he reached out a hand to Tae Joo, eliciting a scoff from the latter.

“What? You don’t think I could beat you?” Tae Joo grabbed Kang Gook’s hand, letting him pull him up with ease. “I could definitely get you this time” a sheepish smile spread on his face. And for a moment everything felt back to normal. For a moment, it was like all of the tension faded back into a haze of memories that could easily blend into a fantasy. But Kang Gook’s eyes caught the flick of a pink tongue trail the bottom of Tae Joo’s lip and he lingered. It was only a second of hesitation, of desire, that must have flashed across his face because Tae Joo’s cheeks started to turn a deeper shade of burgundy and he took a step closer.

“Gook—”

“Stop. Tae Joo-- ” Kang Gook tried to step back, but a hand he forgot to let go of was tethering him in place.

“Stop telling me to stop. You didn’t want to talk about it then, now we’re alone. Now—” a puff of air in the sound of a soft “oh” escaped Tae Joo’s lips as Kang Gook pulled him into his chest. Kang Gook didn’t think he could look at Tae Joo right now. He remembered the way his eyes looked earlier, dripping with frustration and lust. The slight flicker of a tongue was enough to send his mind reeling, so instead, he held Tae Joo in a back hug, his forehead resting on Tae Joo’s shoulder. His nostrils were flooded with the scent of Tae Joo, which was exponentially stronger after their workout. Shamelessly, he took a large inhale as if if he could breathe in enough, he would be able to have Tae Joo’s scent wherever he went. He rocked his head to the side with a small groan. He could practically taste the salt on the tip of his tongue. All it would take would be a small flick and he could have that addictive taste dancing around his tongue again.

“Please.” Kang Gook’s voice cracked. He knew he sounded pitiful, but he was. He was weak and he couldn’t do this. He wouldn’t do this. “Please, stop provoking me. I’m begging you.” Kang Gook breathed into Tae Joo’s neck. He felt Tae Joo shudder in his arms, he ached to make him do it again. Kang Gook dragged the tip of his nose along the nape of Tae Joo’s neck, taking a deep inhale before stepping further away where it didn’t feel as much like he was drowning in Tae Joo.

Tae Joo turned to face Kang Gook, his eye were blown out wide, his cheeks flushed with desire. He ran his thumb along Kang Gook’s cheek to his ear and then softly along his bottom lip. Kang Gook allowed himself one moment as he leaned into Tae Joo’s palm before he removed the hand from his face.

He closed his eyes and counted his breaths, trying to steady himself. He needed to get a handle on this, if this continued everything would shatter. He couldn’t lose Tae Joo for what? Just to give each other a couple hand jobs until Tae Joo got bored of him and found someone else? He took another inhale, before he opened his eyes again. “I—I’m sorry Tae Joo. I shouldn’t have done that.” Tae Joo’s eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. The lights from the ceiling danced off his irises, highlighting how they flitted back and forth, studying Kang Gook’s face.

“Yeah? Okay. So why did you do that then?” It didn’t sound like a question, but more like an accusation. He took a step closer, his smell tickling the back of Kang Gook’s throat. He could hear the hurt in Tae Joo’s voice, but he didn’t get it. He wouldn’t understand.

“I just— please.” Kang Gook closed his eyes and took and took another deep breath “please stop provoking me. I’m begging you.” He knew his voice cracked again, he heard it. He was sure he had never sounded so pathetic in his life, but fine. He could be pathetic. If it meant keeping Tae Joo by his side he could be--

“What are you doing?” Tae Joo’s hands cupped Kang Gook’s face as he pulled him close enough he could feel Tae Joo’s breath fluttering across his skin. “Stop avoiding it and tell me why you said that” Kang Gook grabbed Tae Joo’s hands with his own and placed them back by his side.

“I think we should go.”

+++

If there was one of those analog clocks in the dojo, Tae Joo was pretty sure they would’ve been able to hear the ticking slow down like it does in tv shows when time slows, because that was exactly how it felt. His heartbeat was pounding out of his chest, but time was screeching to a halt. Kang Gook felt something, he knew he did. He could hear it in the way he said his name like it was a curse and a prayer. He wanted to make him say it again and again until his throat was raw and he didn’t have any breath left to speak. He wanted to push his hips back into Gook as he held him into his chest. He wanted to catch that mouth dancing a hairs width from the nape of his neck with his own. He wanted to do all kinds of things, but he didn’t want it to be another dream that they buried away. He wanted to do it now, and again, and everyday until they were old and their hearts couldn’t handle it, and maybe even then too. He wanted all of Kang Gook, in front of him, around him, inside him, all of it. He wanted to feel him with all his senses and let him flourish in his heart…

But Gook refused to talk about it. On the field, okay, Tae Joo could understand. He was being impulsive and it was perilous, because Gook was right, if his father found out he would be furious and he would tear them apart forever. But he had never felt so desperate before and after Gook’s date, it was like he had erected a wall between them. He wished he could say he didn’t notice how Gook’s phone suddenly started vibrating throughout the day with messages from Hyemi or how Gook made a desperate effort to avoid any and all physical contact. He wouldn’t even meet Tae Joo’s gaze except for rare moments when they both slipped into their comfortable routine of bickering and whining.

And then Gook, god Gook, he protected her. He chose to protect her instead of Tae Joo and it made his blood boil cooking his insides. Gook was his bodyguard right? He was paying him to protect him right? And yet… yet when he thought about that as an excuse it made his stomach churn. Because it was more than that wasn’t it? He was more than that to Gook, wasn’t he? He wanted to be more than that, right? And all those thoughts raced through his head, demanding and thoughtless and those thoughts tumbled out in words and movements which he felt helpless over. But he wanted him to say it, say that their relationship wasn’t enough. He wanted him to demand more, to push back when he spat words about the hierarchy of their bond like venom. But then he would and Tae Joo would find himself gripping for anything to keep Gook close by, afraid of losing the warmth he had grown so accustomed to.

So he listened and caved and they found themselves in the dojo reliving those moments of ease and casualty, and Gook’s eyes followed his tongue as it dragged across his bottom lip. Tae Joo saw it, even though it was a flicker it lasted forever, the gaze melting him in place. And he needed to break that glass and tip the balance. But he wouldn’t say it. He wouldn’t fucking say it and he was ignoring him and it was like all of the thread that was keeping him together was tearing him apart.

“I think we should go”

It’s like it echoed in his brain vibrating his senses until they erupted like fire from his mouth.

“what the fuck.” Tae Joo stared incredulously at Gook. “What the fuck—WHAT THE FUCK KANG GOOK?” His hands were grasping at the sturdy fabric of Gook’s gi. “you said--” he was so sick of crying. He wasn’t going to cry this time. “you said because we’re together in this life we have to solve our problems together, no matter what.” He could feel it rising in his throat and the pressure behind his eyes, the ache was too familiar. “YOU SAID-- ” Tae Joo’s voice broke, his fists balled so tight it felt like his fingers might snap, Gook becoming blurry as Tae Joo tried to watch him through flooded eyes. He didn’t move, his eyes trained on the ground. 

“If we do this we can’t be together for life.” It was almost a whisper, Tae Joo almost didn’t hear it.

Tae Joo leaned his forehead on Gook’s shoulder, arms hanging by his sides. “What do you want me to do?” he choked out. “You being with Choi Hyemi really pisses me off. I thought… I thought I was jealous as a friend” he reached out, brushing his finger tips along Gook’s palm. “but I-- I want to be with you all day, and if we’re together I want to hug you—” he took a shaky breath  “And if we’re apart I miss you and want to whine.” He raised his head, studying Gook’s face. He could taste the salty tears as they made their way to his mouth, but he couldn’t stop. “I know you feel the same way. I know you do. So why do you act like you don’t know?” He wasn’t sure the last words came out intelligibly. He was choking on air, “Tell me you don’t feel the same way.” His hand gripped Gook’s tighter as if he might have to let go. He didn’t want to let go.

“Tae Joo--”

Tae Joo took a sharp breath. “Say it.” He could feel it rising in his chest, the pressure of Gook’s silence. It was gnawing at his skin and his insides.  “I WON’T BELIEVE YOU UNLESS YOU SAY IT!”

“DON’T PUSH IT SERIOUSLY!” Gook snapped, shaking off Tae Joo’s grip. “I am seriously at my limit with the way you act!” his eyes were accusing and cold, Tae Joo’s mouth hung open in confusion. “You’re being like this because you think of me like your object! That you can just play with me when you want!” Gook’s voice was getting louder, Tae Joo could feel himself shrinking. “You’re mad because someone else wants to play with me!” Gook sounded almost hysterical, his voice echoing in the dojo. A pit dropped in Tae Joo’s stomach and he could feel his pulse begin to quicken. “I am not your toy! I am not your fucking mother! I am just—”

“What?”

“What, what! You said it yourself! You just want me to take care of you, to baby you like your mother because she’s gone—” the warmth of Gook’s eyes was swallowed up by darkness.

Tae Joo’s blood froze. “I’m… I’m sorry, I see you as my what?”

 “You’re so needy--  you-- you just-- you want me to take care of you, to baby you.”

Tae Joo’s brow was furrowed so tightly that his head was starting to ache. “Do you think I’m an idiot that doesn’t know how I really feel? What the fuck are you talking about?! Where is this all coming fr--”

“You! Tae Joo! You! God. You’re so needy, you just you want me to take care of you all the time. You want me all to yourself, you’re petty and jealous and I’m—I’m going FUCKING INSANE” Silence fell between them, thick and suffocating. The ache in Tae Joo slowly growing like a chasm threatening to consume him whole. He didn’t know what to say, his ability to form thoughts and sentences drowned out by the overwhelming flurry of emotions burning in his veins.

“You know” Gook’s voice was hoarse, “out of the 15 years we’ve been together, that week you spent in japan was the most free and happy to me.”

Tae Joo’s mouth went dry. He wished he was deaf, that he couldn’t hear the words that were just uttered. The ones he never expected to hear from his best friend. The person who spent long nights holding him after meetings with his father where he would be told over and over he was useless, a disappointment. Who would proudly take a hit if it meant Tae Joo didn’t, and always told Tae Joo it wasn’t his fault. The person who told him he was worth something, and that he wasn’t a burden.

But I guess it was a lie.

Tae Joo’s eyes burned, but the tears wouldn’t fall anymore. The sadness and longing replaced with hurt and anger. He wouldn’t keep him here, if Gook was so miserable. He can go. Tae Joo took a step closer, meeting Gook’s gaze. “Fine,” He could hear his voice shaking, “Go tell that to my father. I’m setting you free. I’ll give you a month to clear out your things and train a replacement.”

Chapter Text

Kang Gook’s hands were vibrating in his lap. Once he heard the SLAM of the door announcing Tae Joo’s exit, Kang Gook somehow found his way back to the locker room crouched down on the floor. Salty droplets chased their way down his cheeks, sliding into his mouth and dripping onto his palms. He had been consumed by his fear that the words spilled out like bile polluting the air around them. This wasn’t what he wanted. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to go. They were supposed to get over it, ignore it, just… Tae Joo was supposed to get bored. But he was so insistent. God he was so insistent, and Gook just…. Fuck. He closed is eyes and threw his head back into the locker with a loud “bang”. A searing pain radiated from the back of his head, momentarily blotting out the moments that kept replaying in his mind. It was a bearable ache, not like the one he felt after he uttered the words he wished he could snatch out of the air immediately. And the look on Tae Joo’s face… god the look on his face…

Kang Gook covered his mouth as he clumsily made his way to the showers, somewhere between a crawl and a run. He heaved over the drain, his legs shaking like jelly, threatening to collapse beneath his weight. He slid down the cool tile before placing his head in his shaky palms.

He knew it would hurt as he said it, but he said it anyway. He was desperate, like a trapped animal bearing its fangs. But as soon as he stopped snarling he saw that Tae Joo was just as wounded as he was, and the desperation was filled with regret and no words would be able to soothe the wounds. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, as he tried to slow his trembling breaths to keep down whatever was left in his belly. In, 2, 3, 4 hup hold 2, hup, 3, 4, out… out…. Kang Gook hit the side of his head with his palm, in, 2, 3, 4 ho-hold 2… 2, 3, 4, out 2, 3, 4 ,5 ,6, 7, 8.

The truth was, yes he was happy and free when Tae Joo was gone. Happy because the thought of reaching out and touching Tae Joo, the confusing dreams that had been ongoing, no longer haunted him. He could bask in the fantasy of those little moments without being plagued by the guilt. And it was freeing. The Tae Joo in his mind couldn’t be taken away at the slightest mistake. The Tae Joo in his mind could love and be loved, and there was no risk. And when Tae Joo, the real physical Tae Joo was around, he had to suppress those thoughts. He had to watch as Tae Joo gave himself to countless women in ways that Kang Gook would never know, and despite how obvious it should have been at the time, all Gook felt was relief. He didn’t know why exactly, but that relief was always disrupted by the photos with random girls Tae Joo met on his travels, turning Kang Gook’s mood dour.

And that’s the other thing he failed to mention. The things he felt while Tae Joo was away, it wasn’t as simple as “freedom” and “happiness”. Even though he was free and happy in some ways, a huge Tae Joo size space in his days remained unoccupied. He thought maybe he had gotten so used to living for Tae Joo that he forgot how to live for himself. But now, reflecting on it all, that wasn’t the case. He had missed him, unbearably so. The constant whining and talking and begging. The way his nose crumpled up when he wanted a favor, or the shape of his eyes when his cheeks pressed up into a smile. And it was all of those feelings that made him realize he never wanted to live without Tae Joo. Sure he could, he wouldn’t perish if Tae Joo left him. But god, would he be miserable.

And despite his efforts to create distance to keep Tae Joo close by, all it did was push him further away until Tae Joo untethered him.

Kang Gook wrung his hands together in an effort to keep them from shaking. He couldn’t bear the thought of going to Tae Joo’s father to tell him he was done. He couldn’t bear the thought of anyone else getting to see all the parts of Tae Joo he got to see. And that was it wasn’t it? In his cowardice he only saw denying the heat between them as the clear solution. Tae Joo would be protected from himself and his own desires. But in his cowardace and haste, he failed to realize that he stood to lose Tae Joo either way. And if he did, if he was going to lose Tae Joo either way, wouldn’t it be better to lose him after loving him for a while? Openly and freely, like how he did when Tae Joo was in Japan.

Brrr

Hyemi: Where r u?

Hyemi: I have something 4 u

Hyemi: Stop by the restaurant?

+++

He didn’t consider that Pil Hyeon would be his downfall. Even though he didn’t really have friends, Pil Hyeon was the closest (aside from Gook, and his friend status was currently in question). So when he found himself being shoved into the back of a black sedan, his first thought wasn’t Pil Hyeon sold me out to my father. No, it was more likely that either a) his father caught wind of Tae Joo’s escapades and wanted to scold him about ruining their image or b) he was legitimately being kidnapped by his father’s enemies and would probably be held for ransom and die. He honestly wasn’t sure which was worse at this point. Maybe he should just let his father send him to London. Really the only reason why he had wanted to stay was to be closer to Gook, and now that Gook—no, Kang Gook had made his feelings clear, there wasn’t really anything holding him here was there?

That is, until his father spoke.

“Tell me about your relationship with the body guard.” His father’s voice remained balanced and calm, showing no hint of anger or any emotion for that matter.

“I’m not—I’m not sure what you mean” Tae Joo stuttered. Despite his practiced manipulation and dishonesty, always in the name of justice and fun of course, he could never lie to his dad. All of those skills completely crumbled in his presence.

His father tossed some papers down on the coffee table before nodding his chin towards Tae Joo, urging him to pick it up.

Tae Joo felt his throat closing up, like all of the air had been sucked out of him. No no no no. His ears started ringing and he started to panic. No no no no NO! Before he realized it, the papers that had been clutched in his hand were smashed and falling from his fingertips. Tae Joo fell to his knees, he felt like he was going to throw up. “He didn’t do anything. It was me okay? Papa?” Tae Joo choked out. He crawled towards his father through blurry eyes. He clutched the fabric of his pants. “hmm? He didn’t—it wasn’t his fault okay? It was me. I—I” he wasn’t sure how to say it. The words caught in his throat.

“Sir, Kang Gook is outside.”

“mmm” was the only response he gave as he took a sip from the drink in his hand. “Apparently it wasn’t just you.” The tops of Tae Joo’s pants were damp, he could feel the tears slipping into his mouth threatening to drown him.  

“No no no. He’s just here cause it’s his job. He just—and I’m his friend” Tae Joo smiled meekly, “Mmm? Papa? Please just—umm—let him go okay?” Tae Joo choked out as he rubbed his hands together.

“You disgust me” His father said the words so matter of factly, without anger or resentment. It was as if it was the truest truth he knew, his displeasure with Tae Joo. A crash rang through the house before the sound of voices shouting reached his fathers office. Tae Joo felt frantic now. His dad wasn’t a criminal, but he wasn’t a good man. He could do things to people, terrible things, which is part of why Kang Gook came to them. They had taken everything from him, and now…

Kang Gook burst through the double doors, blood trickling from his brow down his cheek, the same crimson pooling at the side of his mouth.

“Welcome Kang Gook Ssi” a clink from his glass resting on the glass table echoed throughout the room.

+++

Kang Gook would take as many hits as it took to get to Tae Joo. Yes, he had been trained to do it for the last 10 years. Yes, it was almost second nature. But because it was Tae Joo, he almost didn’t feel the punches land on his face. It was the wailing that ached, a sound he had never heard Tae Joo make, even when his father hit him before. Even when he cried. But the sound was so soul crushing, Kang Gook ached to go hold him, to tell him he was fine and that he would fix it. He would. That everything would be fine. But currently, the two men landing blows on his face and in his belly were keeping him glued to the floor.

Tae Joo’s father must have signaled them to stop, because they both stepped away and returned to their positions.

“Show him” Tae Joo’s father commanded. Kang Gook could see the crumpled papers shaking in Tae Joo’s hands reaching out towards Kang Gook. His eyes and cheeks wet and stained with salty tears. Kang Gook didn’t need to see. He knew what it was, Pil Hyeon told him. But he looked anyway, at the images of him trapped between Tae Joo’s forearms, their faces millimeters apart. No one would believe a kiss hadn’t followed that look. He could see the heat between their expressions, even from that distance. He closed his eyes and set the paper down before bowing down, his forehead on the ground and his hands above his head.

“I will resign as Tae Joo’s body guard. I wi—“ Tae Joo’s father scoffed.

“I don’t think you fully understand the situation my boy. Your contracted being terminated is the least of your concerns.” He could see his usual calm demeaner shaken from the small twitch of his eyebrow. “I was not paying you to play house. I was not paying you to—” He could see his hands balling into a fist before he jumped to his feat, a loud slap echoing in the room. “How dare you touch my son. It’s bad enough you’re… but you came from that filthy place and those filthy people. And you think you deserve to be next to my son?” Kang Gook felt another blow slam into his face. “You think you can touch my son!” Kang Gook knew he wasn’t actually asking these questions, he knew he wasn’t looking for an answer. And yet…

“I love him” it was like the words stopped time and everything froze, Tae Joo’s fathers palm hovering in midair. “I love him” Kang Gook repeated, this time meeting Tae Joo’s fathers gaze, full of hate, pure hatred, and disgust. “I lo—” he started again, before he felt spit land on his cheek.

“You’re disgusting. Get out of here you filthy disgusting trash you—” Tae Joo’s father’s face was red like he was about to explode. Kang Gook didn’t plan to retaliate, he didn’t plan to move, he just bowed his head down. He would take all of the blows, all of the humiliation, whatever Tae Joo’s father needed to do, as long as it was him and not Tae Joo. But the next slap didn’t land, instead a familiar warmth was wrapped around his torso, accompanied by heavy erratic breathing.

“I—stop. Please stop” Tae Joo released Kang Gook as he moved to place himself between the two. “I’ll go okay?” He wiped the tears off his eyes with his palm. “I’ll go to London and I’ll never see him again. Okay?” He forced a smile, which look more pained than anything. Kang Gook felt like there was something lodged in his throat making it impossible to breathe.

“Ta—”

“Just let me say goodbye. Okay?” Tae Joo looked up at his father, his fathers gaze still burning as if it could light fires along it’s path. “I’ll do whatever you want from now on. Anything. Just—please” Tae Joo moved his hands to grasp at his fathers legs. Silence hung in the room, nobody moved, the only sound was Kang Gook’s ragged breaths as he tried to process what Tae Joo was saying, the words “never again” repeating in his mind.

Tae Joo’s father kicked him off, before turning around. “Driver Yang will collect you at dawn. If you are not there and ready to leave, I will destroy him. And he will get nothing Tae Joo.” With a flick of his wrist he exited the room followed by two men dressed in suits, leaving Tae Joo and Kang Gook crumpled on the floor.

+++

Kang Gook was pretty sure one of his ribs was broken. The entire ride Tae Joo’s embrace caused him sharp pain which made it almost impossible to breathe, which was almost poetic if it wasn’t so fucking painful. When they arrived at the apartment, he expected Tae Joo to break down and cry. He expected one of those dramatic scenes he’d seen in the romantic dramas Tae Joo loved so much. But that wasn’t what happened. Tae Joo was eerily calm has he led Kang Gook to the couch before releasing his hand. Kang Gook heard some shuffling in the bathroom, before Tae Joo returned with their first aid kit and a warm towel.

“Tae Joo—”

“You know—“ Tae Joo started, as he wiped the blood and spit off Kang Gook’s face with the towel. It stung a bit, and it smelled like Tae Joo. Kang Gook wanted to close his eyes and breath him in, but he also wouldn’t dare miss getting to look into those brown eyes now that everything had fallen apart. “you should have just said you loved me back. We could’ve done so many things if we were just going to end up here anyway.” Tae Joo chuckled and it made Kang Gook’s cheeks warm. His eyes were fixed on Kang Gook’s face, as if he was trying to memorize every line, every bump, every curve. Once he stopped wiping off the excess blood, he ran his thumb over the curve of his cheekbone, before laying a soft kiss there. Kang Gook could feel Tae Joo’s lips pulling into a grin, before he felt something damp trickle down his face. It took him a second to realize it wasn’t his own tears but Tae Joos sliding down his face.

Kang Gook’s heart was bursting in agony and love. It was amazing how two such conflicting emotions could fit in such a tiny space. His chest didn’t have enough room for it all. Kang Gook let out a soft laugh before dragging a thumb along Tae Joo’s cheek to wipe away the tears. “You know, for someone who prides themselves as not being a crybaby, it’s like all you do these days is cry” Kang Gook laughed, his voice cracking as he felt his own tears beginning to fall. “I’m surprised you haven’t dropped dead from dehydration” he joked, as Tae Joo hit him in the chest, laughing through his own sobs.

“Yah!” He yelled after a beat, sticking his bottom lip out in a full pout. “Whose fault is that?” Kang Gook could feel his smile falter, as his gaze fell to his lap.

“I’m—” he started before the words got caught in his throat. He looked up trying to swallow the tears before he continued “ahem, I’m such a coward Tae Joo” he could hear his voice wavering. “I should’ve told you as soon as I knew. I should’ve told you as soon as I” he took a deep breath “as soon as I could put a word to it.” He knew his lip was quivering, he looked up again and took a deep breath. “I lo—” before he could get the words out soft lips pressed into his own. The ache from the bruising overwhelmed by the softness of his kiss. Tae Joo pulled away with a sheepish smile on his face.

“Don’t say it yet.” The corners of his mouth were threatening to fall. “If you say it now, I won’t be able--” he cleared his throat, “I won’t be able to go. And I need to go.” Tae Joo wiped some of the dampness off with the back of his hand. “He won’t leave you-- us alone if I don’t.” Kang Gook’s heart fluttered at Tae Joo’s use of the word “us”. Them together, they would be together. There was an “us” to protect. “I’ll comeback. No matter what I’ll come back and—“ Tae Joo took another deep breath “And you can tell me then.” Tae Joo brought a hand to Kang Gook’s face and ran a thumb across his bottom lip. Kang Gook’s eyes flicked to Tae Joo’s, but as he leaned in to feel their soft plushness against his own, Tae Joo’s hand cupped his mouth. “hmm ngmm memv.” Kang Gook’s eyes went wide, before laughter erupted from his chest, so loud it startled Tae Joo. He buckled over from the lack of oxygen and he tried to collect himself, but everytime he looked at Tae Joo’s expression the laughter started again. He excused himself into the kitchen and was able to calm himself, but whenever he walked around the corner into the living room it started up again.

Exasperated, Tae Joo crossed his arms and bit his lip. Kang Gook could tell from the quiver it was to suppress his own laughter. After about 5 minutes Kang Gook finally choked out “What the ha what the haha what the fuck did you say? Haha”

Tae Joo stared at him incredulously before throwing a pillow at him. “I said I’m not a pervert!” aggressively pointing at his lip, mirroring the open wound on Kang Gook’s face. Kang Gook nodded and took a few more deep breaths, as he made his way towards Tae Joo.

“You already kissed me—” Tae Joo wacked Kang Gook with a pillow, which Kang Gook snatched away. “but okay. We can save that for later too.” He grabbed Tae Joo’s hands in his own and pressed kisses into the knuckles. “Just don’t make me wait too long, okay?” he wrapped his arms around Tae Joo pulling him close so Tae Joo’s chin was resting on his shoulder. It didn’t take long for Tae Joo to start complaining about it felt more like a chokehold than an embrace from their positions, and suggest they lay down in their bedroom, one last time, before Driver Yang came to take him away.