Chapter Text
so i know this is a bad idea to try and pursue a girl who all the other girls see as a boy, and a handsome one at that. but i know she’s a girl. i know her more than that.
you see, i’ve known her for years and i know who she is deep down and i love her with everything she’s one of my closest friends ever. and, yeah, i know it’s a bad idea to fall in love with one of your best friends but fuck if she doesn’t make it hard not to.
so i’m sitting here on a bridge by a pond, alone, trying to run away from my feelings all while feeding the koi around me when i feel someone gently touch my shoulders. i look up behind me immediately, only to see the face of the one i was trying to avoid because it’s getting so hard to form sentences around her.
“hi, koneko. what are you doing around here, alone?” i turn around to face haruka, seeing that she’s smiling with her eyes closed so i feel a bit better about her not being able to see how flustered and shocked i am to see her.
“a-ah, i’m just feeding the fish around here— i mean, i’m feeding them fish food. not bread or anything.” i can’t fucking breathe or think and this is all i can say. haruka does that to me a lot.
she opens her eyes to see a flustered mess looking back up at her. “in that case, may i join you?”
“by all means.” i manage to say this without having to start over again once. i’m so proud of myself.
haruka sits down next to me and i turn to face the pond and not her. she’s in her school uniform and i’m in mine. to an outsider we suddenly look like a couple from different schools.
at one point i am holding the bag of fish food and haruka reaches out for me to give the bag to her. i panicked, what does this mean? oh wait, you lovestruck dumbass, she just wants more fish food.
the almost painful awkwardness didn’t end at the same time as the end of the feeding. is it one sided awkwardness? yes, probably.
“so is there anything else you plan to do?” she looks over at me while i try not to look back over out of pure fear that i will lose all of my self control and kiss her.
inevitably, i let myself look over just once and immediately look back out. she’s moving closer to me, oh god, maybe she’s catching on or maybe she’s just wanting to know what’s going on. like a good friend. maybe she’s just wondering why my face is turning red so quickly.
“i was thinking about, um, just walking around the park after this.” i sort of mumble as quietly as possible to hide the shakiness in my tone.
“in that case, may i join you?” she stood up and offered her hand to help me up. without thinking i took it, but immediately turned red just feeling her hand, so i looked away. again.
so we walked. i didn’t even bother to notice that she never let go of my hand, or rather, i never let go of hers. i ignored the everything that hinted to it, the girls saying, “oh no, he has a boyfriend…” weren’t paid any mind to.
at least, haruka didn’t pay mind to it. i was so embarrassed just to even think of people saying that.
we were silent throughout the entire walk. at the very end, she decided to walk me home, against my better judgement out of consideration for my feelings.
we walked over a bridge while the sun was setting when i stopped her. “wait a minute,” i said, scared of what i was going to say next. “i just want to stay here for a second.”
“okay then,” she said. i stepped towards the railing of the bridge and rested my arms on it. my eyes burned from the sun glaring right above the city, but i didn’t care. it’s beauty ruled over the pain that it ever could cause me short term.
i sighed as haruka moved towards me, right next to me. i looked towards her, rather than looking at the sunset that she was looking at. then i stepped a little closer to where our shoulders were touching.
the silence as i turned to look forward again only added to the beauty. oh, how i wanted to kiss her, or at least rest my head on her shoulder, or touch her arm. but it’s hard to make the move or just say something, so i chose to stay silent and hold my peace, hopefully temporarily.
slowly, tears welled up in my eyes thinking about the hurt that comes with relationships and crushes in general. after all, in year 7, when i was 12, i fell in love with a classmate of mine and i told them how i felt, but they never told me how they felt. i knew it meant they didn’t like me, but, still, it hurts thinking about it, almost 4 years later. i’m too fragile for this but i’ll keep going on.
i looked towards the ground and smiled softly. i’ll keep moving towards the perfect romance i’ve always longed for, the one
that my brother got with usagi. i have only unlocked memories of a blonde girl whom i loved as princess alyssa.
my heart aches. i turn away from the bridge and start walking without a word. haruka follows. why is it so difficult to spit it out and tell someone you like how you feel? i wish i could just… digest the butterflies that appear in my stomach around her.
i can’t help the way i feel, and i know if people knew the truth, it’d be widely frowned upon. we got whispers and giggles and sighs from schoolgirls just being seen together.
as soon as i got inside, i did the classic lean and collapse against the door dramatically. mamoru just stood there.
“haruka, is she?” he looked forward. usagi came by his side.
“oh, i know her!” usagi bent down to help me up from my dramatization of my emotions being exhausted. “she really is nice, hm?”
“yeah. rea- i mean, yes, haruka really is kind.” i dusted off my improperly arranged collar.
“oooh, someone’s blushing a bit~” usagi lent in closer to me.
“no! no, it’s not like that!”
“jeez, you’re getting awfully defensive there, yeun yeun! something you want to tell us about haruka, hm?”
i stood there defenseless after she went for the throat like that. i had nothing to say; i merely assumed what she was talking about and unfortunately she knew what i was assuming. “えっと” was the only thing i could say.
this entire conversation and fic is translated japanese, by the way. etto is just an awkward filler word, much like “um” in english. mamoru and i are fluent enough in english but usagi has always had trouble in that subject.
“ah, so i was right!” she jumped excitedly. “you know, i remember you being in love with a distant princess wayyyyy back in the day. who knows? maybe haruka is that princess reborn!”
“what kind of crazy bullshit are you on, usagi?” i said in english so she wouldn’t understand.
“i— uh, mamoru, what did she say?” she whispered to my brother. i cut him off before she could answer.
“i meant to say, uh, wow, that would certainly be a twist of fate!” i glanced at mamoru and he shook his head.
“ah, well, it would definitely be a twist of fate. let’s go talk more about it in the dining room~” usagi grabbed my hand and led me along to a seat, the seat where i sealed my fate and told her everything about my minor little crush on haruka.