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Heartwood House
Sandridge, St. Albans
England
30th May
Dear Charlie,
How are you? It’s been a while, but I hope the dragons are treating you well and you remain relatively unscathed. It would be nice, if rather miraculous, if you had all your fingers with you when you retired!
I’m writing because – well, I’m in a little bit of a predicament, as it were, and I thought you might be able to help. Do you remember Oliver Wood? No, silly question, of course you do, you were on the Quidditch team together at Hogwarts, but one’s time at school can feel rather far away sometimes, you know, especially at this age…I digress. Well. The fact is, I bumped into Oliver at work on Thursday evening. I was on my way out of a meeting with the Floo Network Authority (where I was taking notes for Amira, the head of the department – the FNA are insisting they need to ease up regulations on the distribution of Floo Power immediately, even though they know that the Network needs to be reconfigured for congestion before they can do that), and he also happened to be at the department as he’d been asked to appear at a committee Broom Regulatory Control have set up to assess safety measures in professional-grade Quidditch brooms (another story altogether! Perhaps another time).
I hadn’t seen Oliver in a while, not since we went out for drinks with some of our old Hogwarts chums around two or three years ago. I’d met his boyfriend on that occasion and it had been fun – but despite our promising that we should do it again some time, life got in the way. Naturally this meant that, after the coincidental meeting, we went down to the pub for a quick catch-up: i.e. his breakup, my move to Magical Transportation, Puddlemere United’s lack of success this season, all very jolly. He’d been on a short holiday to Spain after the end of the Quidditch season, and had a tan and looked very well.
The thing is, yesterday he sent me a note telling me that he was going to an international friendly game between Norway and Greece next week and would I like to come? I want to say yes, obviously, but – what do you think this means? He must know I don’t care for Quidditch unless Gryffindor or England are playing. We were quite close at school and I have to admit that I did have somewhat of a crush on him – who didn’t!? – although I always assumed it was unreciprocated. But now he’s single, and...am I reading too much into this? Does he simply want to show me the delightful Seeking abilities of Ingrid Haaland? Should I say yes? What if I’m misreading things and it gets awkward? I don’t really know who to ask, you see, as I’m quite a private person and none of my friends are exactly savvy when it comes to interpersonal relationships, and asking Dad or Fred and George etc. is completely out of the question. I know you’re asexual/aromantic, but if you could provide any insight into the matter it would be much appreciated. You've always been better at human interaction than me.
Anyway, sorry to ramble! it would be great to see you soon. Do you have plans to come home this year?
Percy
P.S. I know you won’t, because you’re a decent man and also live in a different country, but do not UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE tell our younger siblings about this.
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Dragon Sanctuary
Parcul Național Munții Rodnei
Romania
2rd June
Bill,
You’ve got to help me out. Sorry, that made it sound like I’m being chased by a murderous debt-collector who also happens to be a Hungarian Horntail. It’s not that bad (though probably it’s as urgent), I just got this ridiculous letter from Perce, asking me for advice – and not on dragons.
You remember Oliver Wood, right? Gryffindor in Percy’s year, Quidditch Keeper, burly, handsome, popular with girls and guys and everyone else, gay as a maypole – he asked Percy on a date. Oliver Wood, the most popular guy on the Quidditch team, ask out our poor repressed Perce on a date! And he asked ME for advice (you can tell he’s desperate). I reckon he actually wants to ask you but is too embarrassed. He expressly forbid me from telling F&G/Ron/Ginny but not you.
Send help his way, and hurry! I believe in your abilities as the resident heartthrob of the Weasley family.
Love,
Charlie
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Shell Cottage
Tinworth, Cornwall
England
5th June
Dear Charlie,
Good to hear from you. I’m doing well, thanks for asking, the kids are enjoying the weather this time of year, although they’re almost getting too old to splash around in the sea with me…oh wait, you didn’t ask.
No, I tease. I laughed out loud when I got your owl, poor old Percy pup. I don’t really remember this Wood fellow myself, actually, but I asked around at work and he used to date a friend of a colleague of mine and seems like a nice bloke. Apparently Oliver got her (the colleague) tickets to a Puddlemere game even after he stopped dating her friend, just because he remembered she supported them. Good for Percy! (I’m starting to sound like an old fart – that’s what settling down and having kids will do to you). I’ll owl him right now and tell him to stop faffing about and just say yes.
Bill
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Shell Cottage
Tinworth, Cornwall
England
5th June
Dear Percy,
Charlie mentioned that you might be in a sort of situation where you’d welcome advice. Hopefully it isn’t too presumptuous of me to give you some, but isn’t that what big brothers are for? And it’s better than Dad bumbling around, going red in the face and making us wish we were somewhere far, far, away (remember when he gave us the Talk? I never came closer to casting a Memory Charm on myself).
So. I know you’re worried that you might be reading too much into Wood asking you to a Quidditch match, but let me tell you a story. When I was sixteen, a Slytherin girl from the year below me asked me out during the Christmas holidays. I went to visit her in the Highlands, and since there was a winged horse sanctuary up there I suggested we try winged horse racing – I thought it’d be cute (it was my first time)! Turns out, she was a competitive winged horse racer and I didn’t see her for the entire hour in which I slowly made my way around the course, clutching onto my horse for dear life. We went for a drink afterwards at which she asked me to (and I quote) ‘take her virginity in the woods’ and when I refused this sudden proposal we sat in silence until she stood up and left. Anyway, all this to say that humiliation is all part of the process so there’s no point in worrying about being embarrassed etc (I can never look at winged horses in the same way again). You’ll be fine.
Yours affectionately,
Bill
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Shell Cottage
Tinworth, Cornwall
England
10th June
Charlie,
I haven’t heard back from Percy since sending the letter (I told him about the girl who turned out to be a competitive winged horse racer, if you remember her! What a time). Do you think everything’s OK?
Bill
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Heartwood House
Sandridge, St. Albans
England
10th June
Dear Charlie,
I suppose I should’ve known that you’d tell Bill – not that it isn’t appreciated, but I received a letter detailing Bill’s adventures with winged horses, if you’re familiar with that story? The description of his embarrassment wasn’t particularly reassuring and I remain none the wiser as to how to navigate the awkward waters that take one from rekindled friendship to possible romance.
P
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Dragon Sanctuary
Parcul Național Munții Rodnei
Romania
14th June
William,
I wrote that I believed in your abilities as the resident heartthrob of the Weasley family.
The fact that you trotted out the anecdote about the competitive winged horse racer indicates that my belief in said abilities was misplaced. Please stop telling that anecdote, I beg of you. People think you’re incredibly cool – and in general they’re right – but that story (and your love of telling of it) tells another tale altogether.
Chorly
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Shell Cottage
Tinworth, Cornwall
England
17th June
Charlow,
I cannot promise to stop telling that anecdote.
P.S. It felt silly to send my owl all the way to Romania to deliver a one-sentence note, so I’m also sending along some baked goods courtesy of mum, and also a newspaper clipping covering the Holyhead Harpies’ most recent match, in which our Ginny was the top goal-scorer. You would be proud!
Billiam
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Heartwood House
Sandridge, St. Albans
England
18th June
Dear Bill,
Apologies for the delayed response.
I appreciate the time and effort you put into sending me a letter of advice. Sorry to hear about the emotionally scarring (I presume) encounter with winged horses. I can only hope that one day you will recover from this traumatic event.
I thought you’d like to know that the Quidditch match was a success (Ingrid Haaland indeed v impressive), and, although I won’t bore you with the details, we already made plans to meet up again soon. So there we have it. Thanks for all the help.
Percival
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Heartwood House
Sandridge, St. Albans
England
18th June
Dear Charlie,
The Quidditch match was successful, just so you know, and my sense of self remains unscathed (no secret competitive winged horse racers around, thankfully).
I would ask for advice on the second date, but now that I know that it’s COMPLETELY USELESS!!! to ask my brothers for actual advice, why don’t you go ahead and send me your three-foot-long field notes on dragon behaviour etc. instead. (I’m joking – please don’t send me this).
Percy
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Dragon Sanctuary
Parcul Național Munții Rodnei
Romania
22nd June
Dear Percy,
The Latvian Long-Snout is a fascinating specimen of dragon that is native to the Baltic region and, despite its name, is found in wide-ranging areas as southern Finland, western Russia, and even some parts of Poland. Unlike its Danish and Swiss counterparts, which usually have scales the colour of dark cyan, the Latvian Long-Snout is recognisable by its pearly-white colour with yellow undertones; some Swiss Long-Snouts, especially females, have been known to have bluer undertones. The Latvian dragons can also been distinguished by their shorter tails, with the length of the average adult being eighteen feet (approx. five feet smaller than other types of European Long-Snouts). They can shoot fire at a range of around ten feet and also make use of their fast speed and agility to fend off foes and hunt for food.
In terms of behaviour the Latvian Long-Snout is one of the quieter and more timid breeds found in Eastern Europe, especially with regards to mating behaviours. As with many other species of dragons the male initiates the mating ritual; however, it tracks and observes its potential mate for up to a week – in some cases even a fortnight or three weeks – before approaching. This is thought to be because female Latvian Long-Snouts are, like most female dragons, larger and more aggressive than its male counterparts and can easily turn on potential mates and attack and maim them if they find them unsuitable. This does not however explain why Latvian Long-Snouts are timid compared to its other European cousins. More research and observation is needed to fully comprehend the matter, but for now we shall put its cautious behaviour down to a fear of rejection. I don’t usually like to anthropomorphise my scaly and fiery friends, but I find that it helps to make the field of dragonology interesting and more accessible to the average person.
Love from your local neighbourhood dragonologist,
Prof. Chaz Charlieson
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Shell Cottage
Tinworth, Cornwall
England
28th June
Chorles,
I hear that a third date is on for Perce and Oliver! I’m just writing to let you know since I assumed that P isn’t keeping you updated – I saw him at dinner at mum and dad’s the other day and he said you sent him a ‘very silly’ letter about dragons. Then he told me he would be seeing Oliver again, although he refused to let me give him any advice. We were talking outside for privacy and had to pretend to be checking on the chickens when Ginny came out to nose around. I think she could tell we were discussing something important and private and got into a bit of a huff when we played nonchalant.
Anyway, Percy took Oliver out to dinner (!) on their second date. Very forward and confident of him – he found the restaurant (after extensive research, of course), and made the reservation and everything. Apparently Oliver’s going to Mexico for six weeks to do a little tour of friendly games around the country, so Percy wants to see him again before that. Our old Percy pup is growing up! I think this proves that my telling the winged horse anecdote was effective after all.
The Willster
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Dragon Sanctuary
Parcul Național Munții Rodnei
Romania
5th July
Wullie,
Thanks for the update. Percy’s gone into either a silent sulk or exasperated eye-roll since I set him a (very FUNNY) letter about the Latvian Long-Snout. Oh, even the thought of sweet Percy asking around about restaurants warms my heart. I know Oliver quite well from my student Quidditch days (he’s a great lad) and it’s really lovely that him and Percy are seeing each other. It makes sense now that Percy came to watch Quidditch practice so often! I thought he just liked spending time with me. I got so carried away thinking about him and Oliver that I almost lost half my right leg trying to move our latest resident, an Ukrainian Ironbelly, into its new home. Thankfully I still have all my limbs.
And no, I don’t think Percy’s success has anything to do with you telling him about your disaster date.
Cholly
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Dragon Sanctuary
Parcul Național Munții Rodnei
Romania
1st July
Percivore,
I hear that things are going well with Oliver and that you’re already on a third date! You know what, I’m so happy that you’re on your way to finding love that I forgive you for not telling me every single detail about your love life. I’m generous like that.
Charlie
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Heartwood House
Sandridge, St. Albans
England
6th July
Charlie,
Thank you for your concern and interest re: third date. Oliver and I did indeed meet before he set off for Mexico. He invited me over to his flat (which is quite swanky – it must be nice being a professional Quidditch player!) and we listened to a radio documentary about the history of broomstick spells. I know it sounds rather dry, but it was actually very interesting. I enjoyed the deep dive into the regulations aspect, and Oliver of course is interested in anything to do with brooms. He asked after you, by the way! Obviously he has very fond memories of his student Quidditch days.
Anyway, I hear that your worrying over my love life nearly led to a horrible dragon-related accident. Please do take care when seeing to the dragons – my love life is quite all right, I reassure you, and you don’t need to be tracking my every move. (That is to say, I’m feeling a bit embarrassed about the whole thing now, and would appreciate it if you stopped owling me asking for details every two days).
Love,
Percy
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Shell Cottage
Tinworth, Cornwall
England
8th July
Dear Percy,
I went out for a drink with Fred and George last night and may or may not have let the news slip about you and Oliver (sorry)! I threatened to curse them if they mentioned it to you or told anyone about it, but you know how these things go…
Bill
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Heartwood House
Sandridge, St. Albans
England
9th July
Bill,
I could tell that you let slip about me and Oliver. This was obvious from the way Fred and George sent me a deluge of fireworks that spelled out ‘WHEN IS THE WEDDING?’ only a few hours after they had drinks with you, the way Dad sheepishly popped into my office at work to tell me that he always thought Oliver was a nice boy, the way Ron’s head appeared in my fireplace to ask about details (followed by Ginny doing the exact same thing one hour later), and from how Mum asked if she would need to knit a jumper for Oliver this Christmas.
Love,
Percy
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Dragon Sanctuary
Parcul Național Munții Rodnei
Romania
26th July
Bill,
Have you heard anything from Perce recently? Me and the Latvian Long-Snouts are eagerly awaiting updates on his love life.
Charlie
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Shell Cottage
Tinworth, Cornwall
England
6th August
Dear Charlie,
I have some very exciting news for you.
See enclosed:
Heartwood House
Sandridge, St. Albans
England
1st August
Dear Bill,
I’m just writing to invite you (and Fleur) to my birthday dinner in three weeks (22nd August), which I’ve decided will be a low-key sort of affair, just me and a few pals, and also Oliver. I’m very nervous about him meeting the family in general, but I thought it would be less stressful to begin by (re?)introducing him to the least objectionable member of the Weasley clan. Hopefully you can come, and Fleur too – you should try dumping the kids on Ron for the night if mum and dad are busy.
You can forward this letter to Charlie if he asks, which I suspect he will. He’s invited too, obviously, but I don’t expect him to come all the way from Romania.
Looking forward to seeing you!
Percy
P.S. Please do not tell the winged horse anecdote at the dinner.
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Dragon Sanctuary
Parcul Național Munții Rodnei
Romania
15th August
Bill,
Thanks for forwarding. I’ve told Brândusa I’m taking time off next week.
SEE YOU SOON, BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!
C.