Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

☆☆☆

Yoongi isn’t hiding, exactly. The music is too loud and the people are all the usual self-important assholes, so he simply tucks himself into a corner of the large room where he can escape the chaos for a second. He can still see Namjoon working his way around the room, easily chatting and shaking hands with all of the industry people that welcome him home with too much enthusiasm.

Yoongi’s heart softens as he watches Namjoon’s dimples make an appearance. He can’t believe that Namjoon is here, finally, after years and years of waiting. After years of living on opposite sides of the world, after texts and video calls and emails that grew their reluctant agreement to marry each other into a deep friendship. Finally Namjoon has made the move back to Korea, and they can finally start their life together.

Yoongi carefully sips his drink and tries to talk himself into rejoining the party. He needs to make an effort to come across as approachable and likable. Namjoon’s parents are here, the party an excuse to show off their son as he steps into his role as CEO of a Hybe sub-label, poised to one day take over the entire company. And Yoongi, second omega son of an entertainment and mass media company CEO, had been the perfect person for him to marry — provided he could keep up appearances, of course. As long as he behaved in all of the ways their backwards thinking social circle expected him to and did it with a smile.

Yoongi knows exactly what he is up against. He’s had to deal with it all his life, of course he knows. He’d been reminded just a while ago when he overheard a group of drunk alphas loudly comparing notes on fucking male omegas. Most men are alphas, most women omegas, but oh, if you’re lucky enough to find a male omega? Insatiable creatures, they claim. They can fuck and be fucked. They’re always up for it, but be careful because they get too clingy too quickly. Female alphas? Too aggressive, think too highly of themselves — no, best fuck of your life will be a male omega who can bounce on your cock for hours.

Yoongi had nearly seen red just listening to them, and honestly now all he wants is to go home and be as far away from this place as possible. But it’s Namjoon’s party and Yoongi is his fiancé, even though that news has technically not been announced to the public yet. He has to be here, on his very best behavior. No telling idiot alphas off for being disgusting pigs.

It's something Yoongi has had to hear a lot, growing up as a male omega that didn't fit into the box society created for him. He played basketball, he listened to rap, he hung out with mostly alphas — people just assumed he was an alpha too and were loose with their tongue and idiotic opinions. He's not like Park Jimin, he thinks sourly, Namjoon's pretty new assistant. Yoongi doesn't know for a fact that he's an omega, has only briefly met him once, but he's willing to bet money on it. Park Jimin has dyed blond hair, wears bright colors, seems the type to embrace every single embarrassing stereotype for their kind.

“Ah, future brother-in-law,” a very annoying voice says right next to him. “Admiring your future mate, huh?”

Yoongi tears his eyes away from Namjoon to look at Seokjin, willing himself not to glare. “Seokjin-ssi. Hello.”

Seokjin gives him a big, fake smile. “Always so formal. I keep telling you to call me hyung. Listen, I was hoping to find you here. Did Taehyung come too? He loves parties.”

Yoongi’s insides twist with annoyance. He’d been very glad when his cousin Taehyung ended his brief fling with Seokjin two years ago. “He didn’t come tonight.”

And good thing too. Yoongi wouldn’t be able to stand watching the two of them rekindle things now. It’s bad enough that Yoongi is going to have Seokjin as part of his family after he and Namjoon become mates. At least Seokjin and Namjoon aren’t close. But Taehyung is always around Yoongi, and if they start dating, he would have to stand Seokjin’s presence for more than just a few family gatherings here and there.

“What a shame,” Seokjin says with a dramatic sigh. His hair has been dyed brown since the last time Yoongi saw him. It’s wavy, slightly fluffy. Yoongi briefly wonders if he’s filming another drama, but he would rather eat glass than hear Seokjin prattle on about himself.

Seokjin studies Yoongi’s face, and in return Yoongi ignores him. The silence that stretches between them is awkward. Yoongi finds Namjoon in the crowd again, silently begging him to look up and notice, to come rescue him from his half-brother, but Namjoon continues his discussion with the men that have formed a small circle around him.

“You don’t like me very much, huh?” Seokjin states, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall. Settling in for this awful conversation, it seems.

“I like you just fine, Seokjin-ssi,” Yoongi lies.

No one actually really likes Seokjin much. The rumor is that Kim Youngchul had a fling with a pretty shop girl, resulting in his firstborn son Seokjin. Namjoon, born a couple of years later in a legitimate marriage, is the real heir, but Seokjin has it pretty good for a bastard. He refused to get involved in the family company and instead went into acting. Now he pops up at family parties whenever he wants, free from any real responsibility, glib and arrogant and hell bent on annoying Yoongi, it seems.

“I sure hope so,” Seokjin says, “otherwise our yearly trips to Jeju for father’s birthday will be awkward.”

Yoongi doesn’t say anything. Look up, Namjoon. Look at me, Kim Namjoon. Please. No luck.

“You know, you’re very cute. I’ve always thought so, at least. Namjoon is lucky you actually waited around for him. How many years was he gone? Four? Five? Another alpha could have come and stolen your heart during that time. Was it hard, having him study abroad all those years? I hear you two are good friends, which must be nice. At least you’re not marrying a complete stranger, right?”

“It’s nice, yes,” Yoongi forces out. “If you’ll excuse—”

“So about Taehyung,” Seokjin rushes to say, turning so that he’s facing Yoongi. Of course his real aim was this. “I’ve messaged him a couple of times, and he hasn’t replied. That’s not very like him, so I was just wondering if something was going on. He’s not seeing anyone new, is he?”

“I don’t really think that’s any of your business anymore,” Yoongi says, trying to ignore the way his stomach sinks.

Taehyung has been acting strange. Secretive, cryptic, evasive — not words Yoongi has ever associated with Taehyung, and yet he’s nowhere to be found these days. As much as Yoongi wants Taehyung to avoid Seokjin, it is definitely out of character for him to do so.

“Well it was never really my business, but we’re still friends. If you could tell him to send me a text, I’d owe you one.”

“Sure,” Yoongi agrees with no real intention to do so.

“Always so kind, our Yoongi,” Seokjin says, a hand coming up to clutch at his own chest, as if his heart is too full. It’s physically painful for Yoongi to not roll his eyes. “It’s going to be great having you in the family. I always tell Joonie he got really lucky to be matched with you. I really do.”

“Thank you. I should probably rejoin Namjoon. Excuse me.” Yoongi gives a half assed bow and hightails it as quickly as he can without breaking into a run.

God, Seokjin is always exhausting. Yoongi has been a supportive ear every time Namjoon wanted to rant about his lazy older brother, so he knows all of the family drama. How he refuses to be matched up, how their father lets him get away with everything, how he treats Namjoon with contempt, how he could give Narcissus a run for his money. Seokjin might be in commercials and dramas, but Yoongi has never been impressed with him.

Taehyung, though… Taehyung has always defended Seokjin, saying he’s funny and sweet once you get to know him. Taehyung always replies to his friends. He definitely always replies to Yoongi. Except now he never drops by, never picks up the phone, always claims to be busy when Yoongi invites him somewhere. It’s worrying.

Namjoon smiles at Yoongi as he steps next to him. The world stops for a second, the music fades, and it’s just the two of them. Namjoon is here, finally. He’s here to stay, and they’re going to be mates. Yoongi’s heart melts into goo and expands, filling his whole body with pleasant warmth. Namjoon turns back to the man he was talking to and carries on the conversation, breaking the spell, but that happy feeling carries Yoongi through the rest of the boring night.

☆☆☆

[Kim Namjoon]

Kim Namjoon:
Good morning, hyung. Do you think you could come by this morning? I’ve got something important to talk about.

Yoongi:
I can be there in two hours

Kim Namjoon:
Sounds good, see you here.

Yoongi:
👍

☆☆☆

Excitement fills Yoongi as he hurries to get ready. He hums to himself as he looks through his closet and tries to find something that is casual but not sloppy. He takes a moment to make sure the front pieces of his hair properly frame his face. He thinks he looks pretty okay by the time he gives himself an encouraging nod in the mirror and heads out.

Namjoon has been back in Korea for two weeks now, having arrived near the end of January, but they haven’t been able to spend much time together. Hell, Yoongi feels as if they talked more when Namjoon was still in New York. Now in the same city, Namjoon has been busy getting adjusted to his new job and moving into his new apartment. Yoongi has done his best to be patient, but it’s been hard to wait for their life to start.

Namjoon’s apartment is on the top floor of a luxury highrise. Yoongi hums in the elevator on the way up, a smile on his lips. Namjoon bought it the last time he was in Korea. He’d shown Yoongi around and asked for his opinion before signing the paperwork. “This is going to be our first home,” Namjoon had said. “I want to make sure you like it too.”

When their parents sat them down and said the two of them would be a good match, both Yoongi and Namjoon had known what it really meant. They were nineteen and eighteen, two complete strangers. Their match was introduced as a suggestion, but they knew that a marriage between them was going to happen whether they liked it or not. So they’d worked on it together, slowly but steadily building a friendship over the years. Namjoon studied abroad for a long time, first in New Zealand and then in New York City. They talked every day. Yoongi got to know Namjoon, his passion, his strength, his insane amount of talent. How could Yoongi not fall for him? Slowly, his heart began to yearn.

During these years apart, they’ve talked a lot about their upcoming marriage. Practical matters, such as what they expect from a mate, what their shared family values will be, what they’ll name their kids. The only thing they have never really talked about is how exactly to transition from friends to mates, which Yoongi is pretty sure is what Namjoon wants to talk about today. It makes sense: they’ve been friends for so long, neither of them exactly good at talking about feelings. It’d been difficult and embarrassing enough calling Namjoon his best friend out loud for the first time a couple of years back.

So they have kept their relationship frozen in the bounds of friendship up until now, but it’s time to sit down and talk things out. It’s time to set a date for the wedding, preferably something soon to get it out of the way before mating season. Yoongi is well aware, thanks to the many lunches he has shared with Namjoon’s mother, that the Kim family is anxious for them to have children as quickly as possible.

It’s a little overwhelming, sure, but Yoongi is more than ready. He knocks a happy little beat on Namjoon’s door. It’s time to set things in motion. Maybe, if Yoongi can get himself to be very brave, it’s time to tell Namjoon how he really feels. That he’s stupidly, incredibly, undyingly in love with him. That he can’t wait to be the best mate possible. It’s time.

The door opens, and—

“Taehyung?” Yoongi frowns, confused. For a second he wonders if he came to the wrong apartment, but no, this is definitely Namjoon’s place.

“Hi, hyung.” Taehyung opens the door wider and says, “Come in.”

“What’s going on?” Yoongi asks as he steps inside and takes his shoes off.

Taehyung is wearing brown slippers with little bears on them. He hands Yoongi a plain white pair, ones meant for guests. Unease crawls into Yoongi’s stomach.

Namjoon walks over and gives Yoongi a forced looking smile. “Yoongi-hyung, hey. Uh, come sit down, please. We have something to tell you.”

Yoongi looks at Taehyung again, but his cousin avoids eye contact. The unease turns into fear. “Okay,” Yoongi says as he walks over and takes a seat on a chair in the living room.

Namjoon and Taehyung sit on the couch. Yoongi had helped pick it out. It’s a huge couch — wide, deep, perfect for naps — and easily seats at least seven people. Namjoon and Taehyung sit close together.

There must be a reasonable explanation for this. Yoongi claps his hands together and waits for it. He keeps his face neutral, telling himself to stay calm despite the way his heart is hammering away in his chest.

Namjoon clears his throat. “Hyung…” The words don’t seem to come easily. He looks at Taehyung, seeking some sort of reassurance, before looking back to Yoongi. “We wanted to talk with you because we’ve come to a decision, and we know it’s going to affect you.”

“Is it something bad?”

“No,” Namjoon says quickly, and at least that lets Yoongi breathe a tiny bit. “It’s definitely not bad. It’s really good, actually.”

“Just spit it out then.”

“Right. Sorry. See, I know that our parents always hoped that you and I would get engaged—”

“And we are engaged,” Yoongi says, not really understanding where Namjoon is going with this, why Taehyung still won’t look at him.

Namjoon winces and says, “Right, but… hyung…”

“Namjoon-hyung and I are in love,” Taehyung says, his eyes finally meeting Yoongi’s. He looks just as queasy as Namjoon does, clearly bracing themselves.

The words don’t make sense at first. They swirl in the air, circling Yoongi, taking their time as they gently glide down. When they land, they explode.

“What?” Yoongi says with what little air is left in his lungs. It doesn’t make sense, it can’t be, this cannot be fucking happening—

“I know this is sudden,” Namjoon says, taking over as Taehyung once again looks down at the floor. “It’s sudden for us too, but we’re sure about how we feel. We want to get married.”

This doesn’t make sense. Yoongi tries to breathe, but air isn’t making it in. This can’t be fucking happening right now. Yoongi shakes his head and forces out, “I don’t understand.”

Namjoon puts his arm around Taehyung, the touch familiar. Yoongi’s eyes lock onto the hand that curves around Taehyung’s shoulder until Namjoon speaks. “Last time I was here, when Taehyung and I went to the play — do you remember? We stayed in touch afterwards and well, we realized we liked each other. It’s taken a lot to reach this decision. I know it’s going to upset our parents, but Taehyung and I are really in love. I wouldn’t break our agreement if we weren’t sure. If you and I tell our parents together, I think they might come around and agree to a new arrangement.”

The play. Just a few days after Namjoon finalized the paperwork for this apartment, Yoongi had come down with a fever, and he’d told Namjoon to take Taehyung to the play so the ticket wouldn't go to waste. That was only four months ago.

It all clicks into place. Taehyung’s strange behavior. Why Namjoon has been so busy. And Yoongi’s heart shatters.

☆☆☆

The burning humiliation that clogs Yoongi’s throat keeps him composed as he listens to Namjoon talk through how they should break the news to their parents. He stays still and silent as Taehyung holds Namjoon’s hand and says, “We both really want kids as soon as possible. We want a family.”

Namjoon looks guilty as he says, “I know this messes up all of our plans, hyung, and I really hope you’ll forgive us for springing it on you like this.”

Yoongi swallows hard and manages a pathetic smile. “There’s nothing to forgive. I’m… I’m happy for you two.”

Somehow, he makes it out of the apartment and to his car. He drives back home in silence.

It’s not until he’s back in the safety of his room that he finally breaks. A hand comes up to cover his mouth as sobs shake him. Tears stream down his face, and the crack in his heart fully tears open. It’s a pain he has never felt before, not this deep.

He feels stupid and lost and scared. What is he supposed to do now? Namjoon doesn’t want him. His entire future, their life — it’s all gone, just like that. In four small months, all of their plans for the future have been thrown in the trash and Yoongi’s heart along with it.

The tears won’t stop, just like the hurt doesn’t stop, and Yoongi thinks he might throw up.

Just last month he had lunch with Namjoon’s mother, and she’d grabbed his hands, squeezed them tight, and said, “Oh Yoongi, it soothes my heart to know that you will be my son’s mate. I know you’ll treat him right.” He had mentioned that to Namjoon in a text, hadn’t he? What had Namjoon replied to that? Yoongi can’t remember, but Namjoon hadn’t said anything suspicious, hadn’t mentioned the fact that he was already in love with Taehyung.

Perhaps that’s the thing that hurts the most. Why did it have to be Taehyung? Why couldn’t he have lost Namjoon to his pretty new assistant or to literally anybody else in the entire fucking world?

At thirteen, Taehyung came to live with them after his parents unexpectedly passed away. It had been an awful, rough time, but Yoongi and Taehyung grew even closer. Yoongi always watched out for him, always offered support. Hell, Yoongi is closer to Taehyung than he is to his actual older brother Sunghyun. Beautiful, charming, funny Taehyung — of course Namjoon would fall in love with him. Yoongi never stood a chance.

He should’ve seen this coming. He should have never dared to hope that things would actually work out for him. Because see, Yoongi is usually not a naive idiot. No, he’s careful. He had learned from a small age that people don’t keep their promises, that life is often lonely, that the only person you can really depend on is yourself. He had always hated the easy way words cut him so deeply. He had worked hard to build up tough walls to protect himself from life’s disappointments. And yet, despite all of his precautions, he had been stupid enough to hope. He had opened the door to Namjoon and dared to think that this one time, this one person could be trusted with his soft, defenseless heart. For years now, he had allowed himself to love Namjoon unselfishly, blindly, putting all of his trust in the person who was supposed to be his forever.

Crumpled up on the floor of his bedroom, he realizes that he has nothing now. He was stupid and careless, and he has no one to blame but himself.

♡♡♡

Seokjin doesn’t really know what this stupid party is for. There are paparazzi and fans outside the Hybe building snapping pictures of the high profile guests walking through the door, so it must be something glitzy. Who really cares? Seokjin is just here because his father’s assistant called him to say that his presence is required. He didn’t really have much choice, and if it were up to him, he would much rather be on the couch playing video games with Jungkook.

His phone buzzes in his pocket, and he quickly reaches for it, desperate for something to alleviate the boredom.

[Group Chat: Team Kim Seokjin]

Jimin:
take pictures for us hyung!!

i wish i could’ve gone too ㅜㅜ

Seokjin wishes Jimin was here too — or literally any friendly face, to be honest. These industry things he’s always forced to go to are always a test on his endurance: how long can he keep a fake smile on his face until his cheeks start to hurt?

He’s about to reply when a familiar laugh reaches his ears. He doesn’t fully turn, doesn’t want to be obvious. He only lets his eyes slide to the left to confirm, and yup. There’s Taehyung and Namjoon giggling and staring into each other’s eyes. It’s sickening, honestly.

The engagement hadn’t been a complete shock. Jimin had mentioned to Seokjin that his new boss talked a lot on the phone with a Taehyung and had innocently asked if that was the name of Namjoon’s fiancé. It was an easy thing to put together.

Seokjin rolls his eyes and walks away from the happy couple. He was never in love with Taehyung, had never considered picking up their old fling again, and yet it still feels as if Namjoon stole his favorite toy and is refusing to give it back. It’s a typical Namjoon thing to do, really. The golden boy who has everything gets to refuse the match his parents carefully picked out for him and marry Seokjin’s ex instead.

Well, perhaps ex is too strong a word for the few months they spent fucking in Taehyung’s apartment, but still. The point stands. It’s the principle of the thing.

Seokjin snaps a couple pictures of the party and five different selfies, sends them to the group chat, and then heads to the bathroom to try to literally piss time away.

He is washing his hands extra slowly afterwards when the bathroom door opens. In steps Min Yoongi wearing an expensive looking sequin blazer. It’s an eye-catching dark green, glimmering as he stomps his way in and then halts as soon as his eyes land on Seokjin.

He looks miserable, and Seokjin’s heart gives a sympathetic little tug. Yoongi straightens up, crosses his arms, and immediately his face is back to its normal blank boredom. Seokjin takes his time shaking the water from his hands and reaches for a towel.

“Hello, dear Yoongi,” he says at last, giving him a little sympathetic smile. He gets nothing in return. Seokjin leans against the sink and motions to the row of empty stalls. “Please, take your pick. They’re all empty. Go with whichever delights your heart more.”

“Are you in charge of the toilets or something?”

Seokjin laughs. It only seems to pinch Yoongi’s face with annoyance, so Seokjin tosses his head back and milks it for a few extra seconds. “Ah, you’re always so funny. Are you enjoying the party? I didn’t see you out on the dance floor earlier. You’re not coming in here to hide, are you?”

“No.” It’s too defensive, which means that he definitely is.

“Don’t worry, I am too. You can hardly hear yourself think out there.”

Yoongi refuses to say anything, and Seokjin is close to throwing his hands up and giving up. It was obvious that Yoongi hated him from the moment they met, no doubt poisoned by Namjoon. Seokjin never had a chance. And it’s a shame, honestly, because Seokjin has always found Yoongi funny, the few instances he has gotten to witness the man in a good mood. Funny and very, very cute.

Even now, glaring at Seokjin, he looks like an angry little kitten. Adorable.

Seokjin is bored and Yoongi already hates him, so he thinks fuck it and asks, “Are you really okay with it?”

“Okay with what?”

“Namjoon ditching you like that. And with your cousin, no less. If it was me, I wouldn’t be taking it very well.”

Yoongi has never looked more murderous as he says, “I’m very happy for them.”

“Seems shitty and selfish of them, if you ask me.”

“Well no one did.”

“Yeah, you’re clearly so unbothered by all of this. Me, personally, I find it strange to have my ex as a brother-in-law. It feels a bit incestuous, doesn’t it? In a way. Family dinners will be weird for a while, that’s for sure. Do you know if Taehyung has told his precious fiancé that he slept with me? I’ve been wondering about that but haven’t wanted to ask.”

“Do you ever shut up?” Yoongi looks furious, and honestly Seokjin is a little taken aback. He’s never quite gotten this reaction out of him before. It’s intriguing.

“Sometimes,” Seokjin says, which just seems to make Yoongi angrier.

“It’s amazing how you always manage to make everything about you. Just because you’re a famous actor doesn’t actually make you interesting. People would like you more if you didn’t go around saying all of your thoughts out loud.”

Well, ouch. “That’s actually quite hurtful, dear Yoongi. You shouldn’t take it out on me just because Namjoon abandoned you. I was actually really rooting for you, you know.”

Whatever attack Yoongi was about to launch at him next dies as the bathroom door swings open again. Taehyung strides in dabbing at his crisp white button down. A huge wine stain paints the middle of his chest a purpley-red. He looks up and seems very surprised to see them.

“Hyung,” he says to Yoongi before turning to Seokjin. “Seokjin-hyung. What are you two doing in here?”

“Just chatting,” Seokjin says easily. He had almost forgotten just how handsome Taehyung is up close like this. “Congratulations on your engagement, by the way.”

Taehyung grins and demurely looks down. “Thank you.”

“When’s the wedding?”

“Hopefully next month. We’ve been trying to decide on a venue.”

“Your heat is usually in May, isn’t it? That’s just in a couple of months. You’ll want to be married well before then, I bet.”

“Ah, hyung, you remember? That’s embarrassing.” But Taehyung doesn’t look embarrassed. No, he laughs and looks pleased to have the attention on him.

Yoongi has schooled his face back into blank emotionlessness, which is honestly disappointing. Seokjin had never seen Yoongi be openly rude before, and it had been fascinating to witness.

“Do you think there’s any hope of getting this stain out?” Taehyung asks Yoongi, showing him the giant splotch.

“No. Just put your jacket on,” Yoongi replies.

“I didn’t bring one.” He sighs before his eyes drop down to Yoongi’s pretty blazer. He takes a step towards him. “Let me borrow yours.”

“What? No.”

“Come on, please? I can’t walk around like this.”

“No,” Yoongi says, but Taehyung is already unbuttoning it and pulling it off of him.

Taehyung grins happily as he puts on the blazer and buttons it closed. He looks in the mirror and turns to the left and then to the right. Only a bit of the stain is visible, and the jacket is too distracting for anyone to even pay attention to it.

“It looks beautiful on you, Taehyungie,” Seokjin says, watching the way Yoongi scowls.

Without another word Yoongi turns and barges out of the bathroom.

Taehyung frowns. “What’s going on with Yoongi-hyung?”

“Who knows,” Seokjin replies distractedly, an idea slowly forming in his mind. “Listen, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something. Do you think we could find a private place to talk?”

☆☆☆

Yoongi startles awake as someone pounds on his bedroom door before it's thrown open. Sunghyun looks furious as he steps inside and shoves his phone in Yoongi's face and all but yells, "What the hell were you thinking?"

Yoongi blinks, the bright screen hurting his eyes. He'd spent the night crying — again — and they still feel swollen. He's not sure what he's looking at. The photo is blurry, two figures close together. "What's this?"

"Don't play dumb!"

"I'm not, I have no clue what you're yelling about. Why are you mad at me?"

Sunghyun points a finger at the screen and says, "They caught you kissing Kim Seokjin."

"Huh?" Yoongi looks at the photo again, squinting. Yes, that's Seokjin's face in the photo, although blurry and pixelated. But the man in his arms has his back to the camera. "That's not me."

Sunghyun scoffs. "There's pictures of you from the event! That's you, that's your jacket! Why the fuck would you go around kissing him in alleys like a common whore, huh? This is going to fucking ruin your reputation. Father is going to have a fucking heart attack! He could disown you for this!"

Dread fills Yoongi as he zooms in on the other man. A man wearing a green blazer. Yoongi's green blazer.

"Fuck," Yoongi says, getting out of bed, nearly tripping in his haste. "Is this out? Has it hit the media yet?"

"No, but it will. My connection sent me this as a warning, but it's going to go out today. Do you realize what you've done? How are we going to explain this?"

"Hyung, that's not me." Yoongi throws open his closet and quickly grabs the first clothes he sees. "That's Taehyung."

"Taehyung?" Sunghyun's eyes widen, mouth dropping open. "Oh fuck."

☆☆☆

A cold fury grips Yoongi tight and holds him together as he stands in the middle of Sunghyun's large office. In front of him sits a crying Taehyung on one chair, a silent Kim Seokjin on another. That's one small blessing at least. He would not be able to handle Seokjin's blabbering in a moment like this.

Sunhyun sounds furious as he says, "How could you do this to us, Taehyung? Our family took you in, cared for you, and this is how you repay my parents?"

"It was a mistake," Taehyung chokes out. "It was just a kiss, that's it. Nothing more."

"You think that's going to matter?" Sunhyun scoffs. "The Kims will be humiliated. They won't want anything to do with us after this."

Yoongi closes his eyes, a stabbing pain filling him as he thinks of Namjoon. He's going to be devastated. Yoongi had stood with him as he bowed to Yoongi's parents and apologized for being in love with Taehyung. He'd asked for their forgiveness and understanding, had promised to uphold all of the original agreements, and asked for Taehyung's hand. Yoongi's father had been angry and reluctant but ultimately agreed. It had hurt but Yoongi had endured it with a brave face — and all of that pain and humiliation was going to be for nothing.

"I'm sorry," Taehyung says, wiping his cheeks. "I was stupid. We were outside for just a few minutes. We didn't really do anything—"

"You did," Yoongi says. "You can't kiss other people when you're engaged, Taehyung. Maybe you weren't sucking his dick, but don't pretend like you did nothing wrong."

"It was a mistake!"

Yoongi knows very well no one will buy that. The world sees male omegas as sex hungry, prone to cheating, always trying to fuck or get fucked. Everyone will assume they fucked no matter what is said, and with Seokjin being a fairly popular actor, the headlines are going to run wild with this.

Perhaps normal people can get away with kissing in public, with cheating, with messy human emotions, but not in their world. The rich upper class they belong to detests any sort of impropriety in omegas. Alphas can have bastard children and cheat on their mates and they all politely look away, but an omega even seeming morally loose is unforgivable.

"You have to marry him," Sunhyun says to Seokjin, leaving no room to argue.

"No," Taehyung says, tears falling down his cheeks again, but Seokjin only clenches his fists and nods.

"It's not like it's something any of us want," Sunhyun snaps. "You could have married the man you claim to love, but now you have to set this right."

"Hyung," Taehyung pleads, his eyes on Yoongi. "Please. I do love Namjoon-hyung. It was just a mistake. Please."

Seokjin's phone starts ringing, a happy cheering pop song that feels absurd right now. He scrambles to pull it out of his pocket and quickly silences it, Yoongi just barely managing to see that the screen reads Hobi followed by a string of emojis.

Ignoring the interruption, Yoongi says, "What do you want me to do about this? Hyung’s right. You kissed Namjoon's brother. His famous brother. There's no good way out of this."

Taehyung shakes his head. "I don't want to marry him. He doesn't want to marry me either."

"Sure he does," Sunhyun says. "You think his fans are going to like him kissing an engaged man? At least if you get married he can claim it was because of love and we can try to come to an agreement with the Kims."

"Hyung," Taehyung says again before he breaks into a sob, hands coming up to cover his face as his shoulders shake.

Some of the ice around Yoongi's heart melts at the sight. He remembers when Taehyung used to crawl into his bed at night, plagued with nightmares of his parents' death. He'd hold onto Yoongi tight and sob until he tired himself out. And Namjoon… He doesn't deserve to suffer this public humiliation, to see the man he loves marry his brother.

If there's one thing Yoongi wants most in the world, it's for Namjoon to be happy. Yoongi is now well acquainted with what it feels like to be brokenhearted, the ache that never eases, the tears that never stop. He can't let Namjoon suffer through that, not when he can prevent it.

When he looks at it like that, it's an easy choice to make.

Yoongi says, "I have a solution."

Seokjin looks up, his eyes meeting Yoongi's. In that moment, Yoongi has never hated anyone more.

"That's my jacket," Yoongi says. "Everyone thinks it's me."

Sunghyun catches on, his eyes widening for a second before he glares. "No. You can't keep cleaning up his messes, Yoongi. I will not let you throw away your good name—"

"We'll get married, me and Seokjin-ssi. It'll be a minor scandal, nothing that will affect the company's stock. Taehyung and Namjoon get married, and there too this company benefits from the union. It fixes everything."

Taehyung looks miserable as he wipes his nose on his sleeve like a little kid. "That's not fair to you," he mumbles.

"Got any better ideas?" Yoongi asks, his anger rising again.

Taehyung shakes his head no.

"Good. Seokjin-ssi? Do you agree?"

"I don't really have much of a choice, do I?"

"Sure you do. If you want to explain to your father why you ruined your brother's engagement, go right ahead."

Seokjin lets out a humorless laugh. "Fine. Let's get married, dear Yoongi."

Chapter Text

♡♡♡

There’s a lot of yelling. Mostly from Yoongi's father berating his son for being so reckless with the family's reputation and demanding a wedding announcement immediately, but a fair bit from Seokjin's own father, who keeps demanding to know why Seokjin had kept the relationship secret.

Seokjin swallows his pride, bows deeply to his father and future father-in-law, and apologizes.

The two families come to an agreement. They will announce their engagement immediately. Yoongi and Seokjin are to get married right after Namjoon and Taehyung’s wedding. By the end of the tense meeting, the two patriarchs shake hands and huff about unruly children.

It’s late in the afternoon by then, and Seokjin feels like shit. His head hurts, his stomach keeps protesting the fact he hasn't eaten all day, and Hoseok won't stop calling. There's no doubt the photos have hit the internet, then.

But there's still a hundred details to go through, and so Seokjin finds himself sitting in a conference room with a dangerous looking Min Yoongi. If looks could kill, Seokjin's head would have been ripped from his head already.

"How about we order some food," Seokjin suggests.

"I'd rather just get this over with."

The words I don't want to spend even one extra second in your company go unsaid, but Seokjin still hears them loud and clear. He sighs and leans back in his chair. This is what his life is going to look like from now on, and he has no one to blame but himself.

He hadn't meant for this to happen. He had checked to make sure the coast was clear before he pulled Taehyung into that alley. He should’ve thought it through more.

"Fine," Seokjin says. "Then let's go through it. What do we tell people?"

"That we're madly in love," Yoongi deadpans.

"You think people will buy that?"

"Aren't you an actor? I'm not a public figure. No one needs to believe me. As long as you can sell it, I don't care what you tell the world."

"Okay. We'll be a happy couple, then."

"Great. We can buy a house that's large enough to keep out of each other's way. We might not even have to see each other much."

"No," Seokjin says automatically.

Yoongi crosses his arms, looking very annoyed. "Why?"

"I…" Seokjin stops, his insides clenching uncomfortably as he realizes, yet again, just how much he fucked up. For years he had worked so hard to keep Jungkook away from this shitty part of his life, from people who only care about money and image, who treat people as disposable tools and look down their noses at the rest of the world. But he has no choice now, and so he forces himself to admit, "I don't want to uproot Kookie. I'd rather you move into my apartment. I have a spare room."

"Is that your dog or something?"

"No, he's my roommate."

"Roommate? Why do you have — you know what, whatever. Fine, I'll move in."

"It's clearly not fine. If you have something to say, just say it."

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“Yes you do. Tell me you hate me. Tell me how much I disgust you. I can see it in your face every time you look at me. Say it out loud, go ahead. It’ll make you feel better.”

Yoongi narrows his eyes, and Seokjin braces himself. He can take it. Honestly, he deserves it, and if Yoongi yells at him, the hot guilt that’s eating up his insides might ease up.

But Yoongi doesn’t even raise his voice as he says, “If you already know I hate you, why waste my time saying it? Just stay out of my way, and I’ll stay out of yours.”

Seokjin’s phone lights up with an incoming text from Jungkook, asking what’s going on. There’s still so much to do. Hoseok is going to flip out and go into manager mode as soon as Seokjin calls him back. He doubts he’s going to be able to crawl into bed any time soon.

“Alright,” Seokjin says with an exhausted sigh. “What’s next then?”

☆☆☆

It doesn’t feel real. Yoongi sees the announcement go up, gets messages from friends and acquaintances congratulating him and fishing for information. His mother tells him he’s an idiot for being so careless. She’s probably upset that everyone will whisper about Yoongi now, that she will have to hold her tongue as they tsk about what a shame it is that things turned out this way for him.

Seokjin might be a handsome actor, he might be rich, but in the end he’s a bastard. An unforgivable quality for most people of their class. And maybe they could look past it a little if Seokjin at least acted embarrassed about his existence, but the idiot walks through life with insufferable arrogance. Yoongi has heard it all before, and now their fates are permanently tied together.

He hadn’t thought it was possible to feel worse, and yet when Namjoon arrives at the Min family home to see him, he almost thinks he won’t have the courage to face him. Somehow, he makes his way to the living room where Namjoon is waiting for him.

His best friend looks grim. He waits until Yoongi sits next to him to say, “So… you and Seokjin-hyung.”

Yoongi stares at the floor. His thumb nail digs into the skin of his pointer finger, anxious.

“I saw the pictures,” Namjoon says. He sounds disappointed. “I just… I can’t believe it. Is it really true?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi forces himself to say. “It’s true.”

Namjoon looks hurt as he asks, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Yoongi swallows around the lump in his throat. For the same reason you didn’t tell me about Taehyung for months, Yoongi wants to spit out, anger rising in him for a second, but no. No, he’s doing this to protect Namjoon. He pushes it down and says instead, “There was nothing to tell. We’re not together. If it wasn’t for those pictures, we wouldn’t be getting married.”

“So you’re not in love with him?”

“No.”

“Then don’t do it, hyung.” His warm hand lands on top of Yoongi’s cold ones, stopping their nervous twisting. “You should only marry someone because you want to. Someone that’s at least kind and will be good to you. Someone you can respect. Jin-hyung only thinks about himself.”

“I don’t have a choice. You know that.”

“I can talk to your parents. Try to change their mind.” He squeezes one of Yoongi’s limp hands, anguish in his voice, and the pain in Yoongi’s heart only intensifies. “Please hyung, I can’t let you marry him.”

“Thank you for your concern, Joon. Really, I appreciate it. But the decision has been made, and I know what I’m walking into. Really, it’s okay.” He pulls his hand away from Namjoon’s grip and adds, “We’ve come to an agreement, the two of us. We’re going to make it work.”

Namjoon still looks concerned when Yoongi finally glances at him. “But—”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. It is what it is. Can we talk about something else? Please?”

Namjoon looks like he wants to protest, but finally he gives in and says, “Okay. If that’s what you want, then I’ll drop it. But if you do want to talk, you can talk to me. Always.”

Yoongi nods. To his horror, tears prickle behind his eyes. He clears his throat, pushing away the feeling, and says, “I know. Thank you.”

There’s a long, awkward pause, and it only makes Yoongi hurt more. Silences with Namjoon had always been comfortable. Yoongi had never felt the need to fill up the space with chatter, but now the silence feels unbearably heavy.

“So…” Namjoon says.

“So,” Yoongi repeats uselessly.

“It’s good to see you,” Namjoon says, bravely trying to push forward. “It feels like we haven’t really talked in ages.”

“You’ve been busy,” Yoongi says, hoping the bitterness isn’t obvious in his voice. Busy being in love with Taehyung.

“I guess I have been. But still, it’s kind of ridiculous that we spoke more frequently when we were living in different time zones, isn't it? I’ll try to make more time. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. You’re here now. Tell me, how’s the new job going? Anything cool you’re working on?”

It’s the perfect thing to distract Namjoon with, just like Yoongi knew it would be. He talks so passionately about music, about supporting artists so that they’re free to create the best art they can. His eyes light up as he tells Yoongi all about a trainee named Yeonjun and how impressed everyone is with him.

And as they talk, slowly easing into the usual back and forth they’ve cultivated over the years, Yoongi can’t help but think that he did the right thing. His heart glows with affection, even as the rest of him aches. Namjoon will be happy. That’s all that matters.

Yoongi will endure it all for him.

♡♡♡

[Team Kim Seokjin]

Jimin:
hyung let me meet him ㅜㅜ

Jwan:
no

Jimin:
please ㅜㅜ pretty please?? ㅜㅜ

Hobi 😚✨🌻:
you have to let us meet him eventually hyung

Jwan:
i don't

Jimin:
im invited to the wedding too!!

you cant stop me from walking up to him

Jwan:
park jimin do not come anywhere near my fiancé or you will be chopped

Jimin:
OTL

♡♡♡

Seokjin picks Yoongi up at the Min residence, and they drive in chilly silence to the fancy hotel hosting Namjoon and Taehyung’s wedding. Yoongi looks very nice, his grey suit perfectly tailored, his hair perfectly styled. It will be their first appearance as a couple, and Seokjin knows eyes will be watching them. Yoongi looks gloomy, and there’s no way anyone will believe they’re a happy new couple.

That familiar jealousy settles under Seokjin’s skin as he and Yoongi take their seats. The venue is grand, no expense spared. The golden boy gets the movie perfect ending yet again. His father beams with pride as he accepts congratulations from everyone as if this is his own wedding. Even his step-mother looks beautiful in her hanbok, a smile on her lips instead of her usual pinched expression.

It’s with a sad twinge of his heart that Seokjin wishes his own mother was alive to see her only child get married. Seokjin will stand up there without any parents by his side, since his father has never acknowledged him. Everyone knows, sure, but legally Seokjin does not have a father. Namjoon gets to have both parents with him, and Seokjin doesn’t even get one.

Namjoon looks completely in love as he stands next to Taehyung as the ceremony begins. His eyes are soft, full of wonder, as if he can’t believe this is really happening.

Seokjin doesn’t notice until Namjoon is putting the traditional chain necklace around Taehyung’s neck. The box clasp clicks into place, and it’s only then that he glances over at Yoongi and sees the pain written all over his face. His eyes are full of tears, but these are not the normal ‘crying at wedding’ tears. No, they’re tears of agony, of heartbreak, and Seokjin feels a jolt of understanding run through him.

Ah. That explains everything, then. What an idiot.

As soon as the ceremony is over, Seokjin leans over and says in a low voice, “I’m going to tell everyone I feel sick, and then I’m taking you home.”

“What? No, we still have to—”

“Just wait here.”

As he predicted, Yoongi doesn't fight it, just slumps in his seat. Seokjin expertly skirts around people, heading straight towards his father. He only pauses when he spots Jimin, giving him a little glare and pointing at him threateningly. The last thing he needs is Jimin approaching Yoongi right now.

His father looks annoyed when Seokjin informs him he and Yoongi need to leave, but halfway through the excuse he waves Seokjin away, not caring that deeply. Seokjin quickly returns to Yoongi and says, “Let’s go.”

He waits until they’re back inside the car, the doors safely closed, to say, “So how long have you been in love with Namjoon?”

Yoongi keeps his face blank, but his hands clench into the fabric of his pants. He stays stubbornly silent.

Seokjin sighs and starts the car. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. Everything makes a lot more sense now, though.”

“I’m not in love with him,” Yoongi says, but it’s such a clear lie that Seokjin scoffs.

“Please, it’s obvious. Does Taehyung know?”

Yoongi gives Seokjin a glare. His eyes still look watery, his entire body stiff. Seokjin can’t help but feel pity. Of course this would happen. Namjoon doesn’t just get to be born a wealthy genius, doesn’t just get two healthy parents, doesn’t just get to inherit a successful company. He also gets to have not one but two beautiful people fall madly in love with him. The universe definitely has favorites.

“Either you’re a saint or an idiot,” Seokjin tells him. “You shouldn’t have thrown your life away for someone who doesn’t love you back.”

“You don’t know anything about me,” Yoongi snaps.

“You would have stayed in there and congratulated him on his marriage if it wasn’t for me. A thanks would be nice to hear right now.”

Yoongi crosses his arms and turns away from Seokjin, looking out the window. Seokjin figures he should probably get used to cold silences. There will definitely be plenty of those in his future.

☆☆☆

Yoongi refuses to participate in any wedding planning. If it was up to him, he and Seokjin wouldn’t even have a ceremony. It turns his stomach every time he thinks about having to stand in front of everyone and forever join himself to Seokjin.

Divorce is legal, sure, but to leave your mate is viewed as unforgivable. It’s a bit more common among the general public, especially when it comes to abuse and cheating, but the world of the elite has yet to join the 21st century. Even an alpha is shamed for abandoning their mate and seen as an unworthy, immoral person. A divorced omega might as well never show their face in society ever again.

At least mating bites fell out of fashion seventy or so years back. It would be revolting to have to look at a scar left on him by Seokjin every day in the mirror. The bite has been replaced with chain necklaces, something that at least Yoongi can hide under his clothes. Seokjin had suggested going to a store to pick some out, but Yoongi had told him to pick them out himself.

The days blur together as Yoongi barely leaves his room. He hasn’t spoken to Taehyung, hasn’t replied to his friends. He can hardly get himself to reply to Namjoon. But even his room stops being comforting as things begin to get boxed up for the move to Seokjin’s apartment.

Yoongi goes there just once. It’s strange. The apartment’s in a great area, high up enough that the huge windows give amazing views of the city and the river. It’s not small by any means, but Yoongi had definitely expected it to be larger and expertly decorated. Instead, it’s almost homely.

Picture frames are all over the place. The couch looks old, a large blanket rumpled in one corner. A lot of the furniture is made of light, warm wood, and it gives the place an airy feel. The kitchen looks well used, the counters cluttered with appliances. More pictures cover the fridge.

“My room and Jungkook’s room are down that way,” Seokjin says, pointing to a hallway near the kitchen. “Yours is on the other side.”

Yoongi follows him silently, privately relieved he won’t have to share a wall with either of them. He had expected to meet this ‘roommate’ today, but the apartment had been empty when they came in. It’s easy to guess who this mystery person is from all of the photos, though. Through them, a teenage boy slowly grows into a young man, always grinning happily at the camera, often doing silly poses next to Seokjin. A cousin of Seokjin’s, perhaps, Yoongi thinks but doesn't ask.

His room is large, as is his bathroom. Not as big as his room in the Min residence, but it could be worse. The view is beautiful, and there’s plenty of room for all of his music equipment. “It’s fine,” he says, and Seokjin, who had looked ill at ease for the entire short tour, only nods and says he’ll take care of making arrangements with the moving company.

By the time Yoongi walks out of the apartment, he feels as if he swallowed sharp glass.

♡♡♡

[JK]

JK:
What did he think?

Did he like it?

Jwan:
he said it was fine

JK:
That’s it?

Jwan:
yeah, he’s not really a talkative guy

don’t be offended if he doesn’t say much to you. that’s just how he is

we’ve agreed that once he moves in we’re just going to try and leave each other alone as much as possible

JK:
😟

Jwan:
don’t give me that face

it’ll be okay, i promise

JK:
I don’t know hyung, it’s hard not to worry when you won’t even let us meet him

Jwan:
what’s the rush

JK:
Is he really that bad??

Jwan:
he’s not bad. it’s just that we’re not becoming mates under the best circumstances and we’ve agreed to keep our lives separate as much as possible

this shouldn’t disturb our lives too much

JK:
alright, if you say so

Jwan:
i do say so. trust hyung ok? it’ll be okay

☆☆☆

The future drags Yoongi forward until, at last, his wedding day arrives.

He wakes up in his bedroom in the Min residence for the last time. The room is bare, all of his things officially transported to Seokjin’s apartment. He stays hidden under the covers for as long as he can.

This isn’t how things were supposed to happen. For so many years he had pictured what this day would look like, and flashes of those old daydreams keep swirling in his mind. Waking up full of excitement, getting ready with Taehyung no doubt hanging around, texting Namjoon throughout the morning — he had been so sure of his future that the cold reality of today feels as though he fell into a wormhole.

There is no excitement. Yoongi gets ready alone. There are no texts from Namjoon.

His parents look grim as the three of them ride to the venue. Yoongi supposes he should be grateful for the silence. They could be spending the whole ride rehashing all of the ways he has failed them. His relationship with them has never been warm, but ever since the picture disaster, it’s as if they can’t wait to be rid of him. They didn’t bother asking him how he felt about Namjoon calling off their engagement. They haven’t asked him how he feels about Seokjin. It would sting more if he wasn’t already torn to pieces.

It’s nothing like Namjoon and Taehyung’s wedding. Everything is much more subdued. Everyone knows this is a ceremony to save face. The color lilac is sprinkled throughout but Yoongi isn’t sure if that’s something the venue arranged or if it’s something Seokjin picked out. He finds that he doesn’t really care.

The ceremony itself goes by fast, which is the only small blessing of the day. Yoongi feels like he’s burning up the entire time, but it’s not the bright spotlights aimed at them that are causing that feeling. No, it’s the humiliation. It’s the shame. Somewhere in the crowd, Namjoon is looking at him, and the thought makes Yoongi want to run.

But he doesn’t. He endures it, just like he has forced himself to endure everything else.

The chain necklaces are silver, the links small and delicate. Per tradition, Yoongi’s name is engraved on the claps of the necklace that goes around Seokjin’s neck and vice versa. Yoongi lets Seokjin put the chain around him, the metal cold where it touches his skin. He hears the small click as the two ends lock together, not meant to come off easily.

Only Yoongi’s parents stand with them, and it’s to them that the two of them bow to as the ceremony comes to a close. Yoongi’s hands are trembling. This is it. It’s done.

Seokjin offers his arm. Yoongi takes it. And like that, they are presented to the world as mates.

♡♡♡

Seokjin smiles his best charming smile for the photographer, but it’s useless. Yoongi is at least attempting to smile too, but Seokjin knows it will come across as forced. He just prays that there’ll be at least one good wedding photo that he can post on his Instagram. This is his only chance since Yoongi had completely refused the suggestion of an engagement photoshoot.

His fans had mixed reactions to his engagement. Some had complained about feeling blindsided, but many also sent him well wishes and defended him from the onslaught of criticism. Hoseok had written a great statement on his behalf apologizing for the pictures and claiming to be over the moon with joy at getting to marry the love of his life. He needs just one good photo to trot out, something to reinforce the lie so that his fans won’t worry. He doesn’t want to disappoint them.

By the time he and Yoongi are thanking the guests for coming, Seokjin feels exhausted. His eyes keep searching for Jungkook, always finding him hiding behind Hoseok or Jimin. It makes something unpleasant twinge in his chest. He’d introduced them to Yoongi only just this morning. Hoseok and Jimin had been overly friendly, just as Seokjin had feared, and though Yoongi hadn’t been rude, he hadn’t been warm to them either.

Jungkook kept looking between Yoongi and Seokjin, as if trying to gauge the situation. The way his eyebrows furrowed with worry made Seokjin’s stomach sink.

He feels bad about lying to his friends, especially to Jungkook, but he can’t quite get himself to admit that this whole mess is his own fault. Hoseok had been angry at first. Seokjin had come home that disastrous day after meeting with Yoongi to find Jungkook and Hoseok waiting for him at the apartment. Seokjin had been vague as he explained that he was now officially engaged, and his friends seem to have come to the conclusion that Seokjin and Yoongi were having a secret fling but are now being forced to marry after the pictures. It’s close enough to the full truth that he hasn’t bothered to admit to more.

As Namjoon and Taehyung step in front of them, Seokjin automatically stands up straighter. His arm twitches, wanting to wrap around Yoongi, to at least pretend that this day is anything but miserable, but he quickly squashes the impulse. Yoongi would probably shove him off.

Namjoon doesn’t even bother looking happy for them. All of the other guests so far had plastered on cheery smiles and congratulated them, but Namjoon looks angry as he says to Seokjin, “Take good care of him, hyung.”

“Of course.” Seokjin gives Namjoon the same grin he’s been giving all of the other guests. “My mate’s happiness is my number one priority.”

“Namjoon,” Yoongi says, tone scolding, and it’s only then that Namjoon stops whatever little staring contest he thought he was having with Seokjin and turns to Yoongi instead.

Namjoon’s eyes soften considerably. His lips press together, as if stopping himself from saying more.

It’s Taehyung that says a soft, almost sad sounding, “Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” Yoongi says, but it’s clear Taehyung has not been forgiven for everything that happened.

Taehyung looks down to the floor, wilting even more. His handsome face looks so unhappy that Seokjin feels another guilty tug in his stomach.

They get through it all, somehow. As soon as they’re able to, they leave.

They’re completely silent as they get into Seokjin’s car. Yoongi has barely looked at him all day, and now, sitting in the passenger seat, he looks out of the window the entire drive to Seokjin’s apartment.

Our apartment, Seokjin forces himself to think, but it feels wrong. This isn’t going to work — he knows it isn’t. They’ve just thrown a ticking time bomb into their future, and there’s nothing he can do now except wait for it to go off. At least Jungkook is staying with Jimin and Hoseok tonight. He feels queasy just at the thought of Yoongi’s cutting words reaching Jungkook’s soft heart.

As the elevator doors close, Seokjin clears his throat and says, “If you need anything to feel more at home, just let me know.” He waits a moment in the heavy silence before asking, “Do you need help unpacking?”

“No.” The one word is filled to the brim with contempt.

Seokjin doesn’t dare say anything else. When they enter the apartment, Yoongi simply slips off his shoes and heads to his room. Seokjin stands by the door until he hears the faint click of Yoongi’s door, and only then does he allow himself a deep sigh.

He goes to the living room and plops down on the couch, too tired to go change out of his tux. Turns on the TV to the most mindless animal documentary he can find. He instantly misses Jungkook’s presence in the house, but he’s not ready yet for his mistakes to catch up to him. He’d promised Jungkook things wouldn’t change, but he has no idea how he’s going to keep that promise. Not when Yoongi’s presence seems to warp the gravity in the apartment.

He had never really given any thought to what getting married would be like. His priority had never been on finding love. He had Jungkook to think about and then his career and then his mother had fallen ill. His father had set him up on a couple of dates that petered out and Seokjin had a few fun flings, but there was never any time for anything deeper than that. He’s pretty sure getting married shouldn’t be like this, though. Usually people are happy on their wedding day — or at least that’s how it was for all of the happy couples in the dramas he’s acted in. He supposes real life is nothing like those dramas anyway, but still.

It would’ve been nice to have a happy wedding day.

If he could only undo this, if he could go back and stop himself from being so mindlessly stupid, if only—

He rubs at his face, trying to stop his train of thought. It’s useless to wallow in regrets. There’s no going back. Min Yoongi is his mate from now until death. The two of them will just have to learn to live with it.

Chapter Text

☆☆☆

[Taehyungie]

Taehyungie:
Hyung, can we meet up? Please? I feel like we should talk

Taehyungie:
Hi

Taehyungie:
(video)

I found the cutest kitten video for you!!! Please watch! You’ll love it, I promise, the orange one is so chubby!! enjoy~~

Taehyungie:
Please talk to me hyung. I know you’re mad but I miss you. Can’t we just please see each other and work things out? I’ll do whatever you say, I promise! Pinky promise even. However I can make it up to you, I’ll do it. Just forgive me, please

I love you hyung. Please?

Taehyungie:
Hi

☆☆☆

A week goes by and then two, and Yoongi still can’t figure out what to do with himself now. For years he had been preparing to step into the role of Namjoon’s mate. He’d learned all about Hybe, how it ran, the important times of year. He’d helped Namjoon’s mother host parties and had gotten plenty of advice on what to expect from being married to a busy CEO. But what use is all of that knowledge now?

Seokjin is away filming most days, gone in the morning and coming home late. The days he’s home, Yoongi hardly leaves his room. Jungkook, too, seems to hardly be in the apartment most of the time, though Yoongi isn’t sure if that’s normal for him or if he’s avoiding being home with Yoongi.

He’s still not sure what exactly Seokjin and Jungkook’s relationship is. From what he has gathered, Jungkook is twenty years old and has been living with Seokjin since he was a teenager. Yoongi has seen them cooking meals together, seen them on the couch watching TV. They bicker loudly and wrestle like little boys when they think Yoongi can’t see them. When Jungkook is home alone with Yoongi, though, he’s mouse-like quiet. He skirts nervously around Yoongi, timid, as if expecting to get scolded.

Yoongi almost wants to tell the kid to relax, that Yoongi doesn’t have any problem with him. Almost. But it’s easier to keep his own distance, not say anything, and lock himself away. He almost wishes he had a job, something to take up his time. But omegas of his class aren’t expected to work, and after college, Yoongi had been content letting music take up his time while he waited for Namjoon to return.

But even music has not come to his aid like it has in the past. His brain feels broken, his fingers uninspired. It all comes out wrong, and so he wastes the hours away scrolling aimlessly on his phone and sleeping. Anything to avoid the sad whimpering of his heart.

Not that long ago, Namjoon had looked at him through a screen on the other side of the world and said, “I swear, you’re the only person who understands me.” And Yoongi had been so pleased, his stupid heart fluttering. He should have told Namjoon in that moment, should have confessed what he felt. Would that have prevented anything? Would that have stopped Namjoon from falling for Taehyung? Or would they have fallen in love anyway, leaving Yoongi broken and humiliated on top of that?

That’s the one blessing in this whole thing: Namjoon and Taehyung don’t know how Yoongi feels. At least Yoongi can keep his pain private. He can’t think of anything worse than them knowing just how much this has destroyed him. The fact that Seokjin figured it out is awful enough.

Every time Yoongi looks at him, anger and hate grip his insides. Yoongi has lost everything — his reputation, his life, his future — and Seokjin? He’s completely unscathed. Sure, he had to marry Yoongi, but he gets to live his life as normal. His friend and manager Hoseok comes over on his days off, and Yoongi can hear them laughing their heads off. He’s as carefree as ever, and Yoongi feels sick from how much he hates him.

Here Yoongi is, a prisoner in a strange new place, endlessly mourning the life he was supposed to have. Alone and miserable and in pain. His friends have mostly given up trying to message him since he never responds, and though Namjoon still occasionally messages him, it’s not like before, when they would constantly talk. Nothing is like before.

Taehyung has tried sending him a few messages, but Yoongi doesn’t even open them. He can’t make himself, still too angry. If it had been anyone else who had stolen his place in Namjoon’s life, Yoongi would at least have had Taehyung to comfort him. He pictures it sometimes, in his weaker moments, imagines Taehyung here, forcing him to snuggle together under the covers, a movie playing in the background. It’s what he always does whenever Yoongi is sick — and the reason why he usually catches whatever Yoongi has — and Yoongi always grumbles and complains but is secretly glad for the company.

He wishes Taehyung were here now, wrapped around him like an octopus. He wishes he didn’t feel so achingly alone.

And to make everything worse, he wakes up one morning and feels the pre-heat symptoms kick in.

♡♡♡

For the most part, Seokjin has been trying very hard to ignore the fact that he technically has a mate now. It works fine enough when he’s on the set of the latest drama he’s filming. His co-stars are friendly, but they keep everything superficial. He knows how to accept their congratulations and move on. But everything comes crashing down around him the second he has to head back home. His entire body feels tense just going near his building. The air inside the apartment is electric with how much tension builds up in the confined space.

Most of the time they pretend the other doesn’t exist. They’ve gone multiple days in a row without even breathing a word to each other. Talking is dangerous, considering the fact that a few comments have led to nasty exchanges between the two of them.

The thing Seokjin has learned about Yoongi is that he doesn’t really yell. All of his anger gets locked up in his eyes. They turn murderous as he stares at Seokjin, and his voice gets low and cold. It sends chills down Seokjin’s spine. Yoongi makes him feel small and stupid and useless, and Seokjin hates it.

It instantly puts him on edge, then, when Yoongi walks into the kitchen as Seokjin is chopping some vegetables. He puts the knife down as Yoongi stops right next to him, clearly working up to say something.

Yoongi’s eyes are on anything but Seokjin, a pouty frown on his lips. There’s a slight flush to his cheeks. He looks… very, very cute.

At last, Yoongi crosses his arms and clears his throat. “My heat will come soon. Tonight, probably.”

“Oh,” Seokjin says, feeling his own ears turn red. Suddenly he can’t look at Yoongi either. “Alright. Um, Jungkook and I can go stay at a hotel. So you, uh, can have privacy.”

Yoongi gives a curt nod and then just walks away. Seokjin waits until he hears the faint sound of his bedroom door closing before releasing all of the air from his lungs. Fuck. He really, really needs to not think about Yoongi in heat. About what exactly he’s going to be doing later. Absolutely no thinking about that.

Seokjin shakes his head and tries to remember that his mother raised him better than that. He goes back to chopping the vegetables.

A little over an hour later, he finishes cooking a couple of different dishes and puts them away in the fridge. He goes to Jungkook’s room and tells him to hurry up and pack.

“Pack for what?”

“We’re sleeping at a hotel.”

Jungkook looks alarmed, his eyes widening. “Why? Did something happen?”

“Ah, well…” Seokjin feels embarrassed and flustered all over again. “Yoongi needs privacy. For omega reasons.”

“Oh.”

“Yup. Hurry up.”

☆☆☆

[Kim Seokjin]

Kim Seokjin:
we’re leaving

jungkook was worried about you so he left you some food in the fridge

Yoongi:
Tell him thank you for me

Kim Seokjin:
sure

☆☆☆

Yoongi has always hated mating season. His hormones go all screwy for about a week, and then when it finally hits, he collapses in bed with a fever that lasts around seven hours. It’s bad enough that his body aches, punishing him for not having an alpha. Bad enough that a couple of hours in, he starts to feel weak — too weak to do much about the way his body becomes insatiably horny except shove a dildo in and feebly jerk off. The worst part, though, is how much he can’t stop thinking about Namjoon.

He’s thought about Namjoon for his past four heats, always picturing what it would be like to have the alpha take care of him. He bets Namjoon would be gentle and giving. Strong, someone Yoongi could trust to take care of him in such a vulnerable state. Now, his brain hazy with fever, he can't stop himself from conjuring up old fantasies. Namjoon kissing him. Namjoon filling him up, making the pain in his body turn into mind melting pleasure.

But this time the thought of Namjoon doesn’t bring him comfort. His heart still longs for him, but he can’t soothe himself with the thought that one day these fantasies will come true. They won’t. Not for him.

He’d heard that Taehyung’s heat had come early, just a few days before his wedding. Namjoon and Taehyung hadn’t spent it together out of propriety, but they will. Next mating season they will spend it together and have beautiful kids. They’ll become a happy family, and Yoongi will… he will be here, continuing to bear this pain all by himself.

The fever breaks just as dawn approaches. He walks out of his room, knees weak, feeling like a feather could knock him over. He’s thirsty and famished, and he’s so relieved to open the fridge and see food there waiting for him. It’s delicious too, and Yoongi thinks he should really invite the kid out for a meal or something. He seems like a good enough guy, really, despite the fact that he hangs around Seokjin.

Food finished, he feels a little better. He’s still insanely tired, but he doesn’t think he could fall asleep right now. Too many thoughts going through his head. Too many feelings trapped in his chest. His sheets are gross anyway, and he doesn’t feel like changing them right now. He takes a quick shower, jerking himself off one last time, and then goes to open his computer.

He pulls up the song that has been refusing to come together for weeks. He’d had no lyrics for it, but they come to him now, finally. The song is liquid, smooth and mournful. Your voice kept me warm in the winter, but now that spring is here, you pick flowers for someone else.

It all flows out from there. His sorrow, his loneliness, his pain — the song manages to capture all of it and turn it into something almost beautiful. By the time he stops working, he feels exhausted but satisfied with the result.

It’s with a pang that he realizes he has no one to show it to. This is too personal to post to his SUGA SoundCloud account, and besides, the handful of followers he has there probably wouldn’t like a slow ballad when they’re only used to getting rap songs from him. He shared all of his songs with Namjoon, but there’s no way he could ever have him listen to this. And Taehyung…

They still haven’t talked since Yoongi’s wedding, if that brief exchange of words can even be considered talking.

Taehyung had always been there, even before his parents passed away. They both grew up together in Daegu, Taehyung always trailing behind him everywhere. Their personalities have always been opposite, and yet they’d always been close. He misses Taehyung, but he just doesn’t know how things could ever go back to how they were before. Not after everything, and definitely not after Yoongi just spent hours fantasizing about his cousin’s mate.

The song will live in his hard drive, Yoongi decides with a resigned sigh.

When he finally falls into a restless sleep, his dreams are plagued with visions of a beautiful life he will never have. Not anymore.

☆☆☆

Yoongi nervously plays with the straw wrapper of his americano as he sits in a cafe near the Hybe building and waits for Namjoon. He’d been surprised when Namjoon sent him a text asking to meet up, but despite everything, he’d been pleased to think that Namjoon wanted to see him.

With the summer heat outside, Yoongi had ordered Namjoon a sugary, iced concoction. He’s pretty confident it’s what Namjoon would have ordered for himself. Bitterly, jealously, Yoongi wonders if Taehyung also knows all of Namjoon’s usual orders by now.

When Namjoon arrives, he looks sharp and handsome in his button down shirt, the sleeves rolled up. Yoongi’s heart gives a pitiful tug even as he forces on a smile. Namjoon looks happy to see him. He instantly launches into a story of the meeting he just came out of, how he’s facing some resistance from the older members of the company who don’t trust his new ideas yet. He pauses only to take a sip of his drink and immediately say, “Mmm, hyung, this is good. Thank you.”

Yoongi happily lets him ramble. He knows Namjoon’s voice well from the years of video calls and voice messages. He’d even fallen asleep to it quite a few times, their time zones conflicting too much. He loves it even more in person.

“But anyway,” Namjoon finally says, waving a hand around. “What about you? How have you been?”

“Fine,” he says automatically.

“Really?” Namjoon asks with enough skepticism that Yoongi bristles.

“Yeah,” he lies, the word coming out sharper than he means it to. It’s been un-fucking-bearable, but he can’t tell him that. Can’t tell anyone that.

Namjoon ignores his tone, doesn’t take the hint that this is too sore of a subject, and asks directly, “You’re telling me that living with Jin-hyung has been fine?”

“Yeah, it has. We stay out of each other’s way. I hardly see him.”

Namjoon’s got that unhappy frown on his face again. “Is that what you hoped for when you married him?”

I expected him to be worse, Yoongi thinks. He shrugs a shoulder and says, “I don’t think we expected anything out of each other. We both knew what we were getting into.”

Namjoon sighs heavily, as if all of this pains him. Yoongi tries to push down the surge of annoyance he suddenly feels. He sharply reminds himself that Namjoon doesn’t know the truth. It’s not his fault, and Yoongi can’t get angry with him when he means well.

“I don’t like it, hyung. I don’t get how it even happened. I still think you deserved to marry someone better. Someone who could make you happy.”

“Well we can’t change things now. It’s not like divorce is an option.”

“Yes it is.”

“Be serious, Joon. My parents would disown me even if I even brought that up. That’s just how things are.”

“You don't believe that. We both know the world needs to change. We can’t keep being stuck in the past like this.”

“I don’t like it any more than you do,” Yoongi says, sharper than he means to. Yoongi doesn’t have a job or any money of his own. If he divorces Seokjin and his parents don’t take him back in, where would he go? Yoongi is sure Namjoon would be quick to offer his and Taehyung’s place, but Yoongi would rather continue to rot in Seokjin’s apartment than intrude on the happy couple.

“Having a bad mate shouldn’t be a life sentence,” Namjoon argues, not getting it.

“We stay out of each other’s way. It’s fine. In fact, I hardly ever see him. He’s going to go to Japan for two weeks soon to finish up the drama he’s filming, so I’ll see him even less. I’ll have the apartment to myself. Well, sort of.”

“What do you mean sort of?”

“We have a roommate. I’m not sure if he’s going with him or not, but it wouldn't surprise me if he did. Have you ever met him? His name’s Jeon Jungkook.”

Namjoon’s frown deepens at that. “He’s still living with that kid?”

“Yeah. Are they cousins or something? Family on his mother’s side?”

“No. When I was around eighteen, I went by to visit him once and there was just a teenager sleeping on his couch. He didn’t really let me talk to him or anything. Just said something about him needing a place to crash. I've seen him on and off a few times, but I didn't know they were still living together.”

“Huh. I really thought they were related, somehow. They’re very close. If I didn’t know any better, I would have assumed they were brothers.”

Namjoon lets out an unhappy sounding laugh. “Funny, because the way he treats me, I figured he never wanted a brother.”

Yoongi has heard all about it. How Namjoon had idolized him growing up, thinking his older brother was so cool, until the day he realized that Seokjin despised him. It makes his heart ache to see that it hurts Namjoon even now, but he holds his tongue. Before, it was easy to call Seokjin a dickhead whenever this type of conversation came up, but now it’s different. Even though Yoongi hates Seokjin more than ever, he can’t openly admit that to Namjoon without everything unraveling.

The silence stretches out for too long. Yoongi sips his coffee. Awkwardness begins to creep in.

At last, Namjoon clears his throat and says, “So, actually, there was something I wanted to talk to you about.”

Yoongi raises an eyebrow in a silent question.

Namjoon fiddles with his cup as he says, “Well, it’s just that… Taehyung is really torn up about whatever it is that happened between you two. He won’t tell me what it was, but I can see how much it's affected him. He says that you don’t want to speak to him anymore.”

“It’s complicated,” Yoongi mumbles, his stomach sinking unpleasantly. Of course this was all about Taehyung. Not because he wanted to spend time with Yoongi, not because he missed him. It was just to help his mate.

“Are you really never going to speak to him again? He really misses you, hyung.”

Yoongi swallows thickly. He misses Taehyung — so much — but the wounds are still too raw, and he just can’t.

“Please?” Namjoon is looking at him with pleading eyes, and it’s not fair. Yoongi can feel his resolve crumbling. Maybe he should just give it a shot. If it’s important to Namjoon, then Yoongi could at least try.

He finds himself nodding. “Okay,” he says. “We’ll fix it.”

Namjoon looks so relieved and happy that a small smile takes over Yoongi’s lips even as dread fills him up.

♡♡♡

Seokjin wakes up from a warm, pleasant dream and feels the shock of reality slap him across the face. In his dream, he and his mother had shared a cup of tea, just like they’d done a thousand times while he was growing up. The two of them had always been close, and even after he moved out to go study in Seoul, he had frequently visited her.

In his dream, she was healthy and beautiful, and they chatted easily. In his dream, his heart didn’t have this permanent tear.

Grief, he has found, doesn’t shrink with time. The load doesn’t get any easier. He has simply learned to carry it better. But on days like this, the grief feels fresh.

He drags himself out of bed and finds Jungkook getting ready to head to work. Seokjin busies himself by making a lunch for Jungkook to take with him, and that at least provides a little bit of a distraction. But when Jungkook leaves, the silence that encircles Seokjin feels unbearable.

It’s his hard earned day off before he flies off to finish filming. Normally he would love nothing more than to sit around and do absolutely nothing, but today is not a normal day. He wishes he could retreat back into the dream and talk to his mother again, really talk to her. What would she think of this whole mess? What would she tell him to do? He can picture some of it. She always wanted him to be a better older brother to Namjoon. She would have yelled at him for what he did. She would probably tell him it isn’t right for him and Yoongi to always snipe at each other.

She would be so disappointed in me, Seokjin thinks, his heart sinking.

It hurts. He feels like a small, scared child as he aimlessly walks around the apartment, hoping to find something to do. He already packed his suitcase last night. The apartment is clean. Jungkook took care of the laundry already. There’s nothing to do but drag this feeling around.

Hesitantly, he takes a few steps towards Yoongi’s door. He holds his breath and listens. He can faintly catch the sound of music. Perhaps Yoongi is in there just as bored and lonely as Seokjin feels right now. Seokjin feels desperate enough that he raises his hand to knock, but self preservation kicks in just in time to stop him.

Yoongi doesn’t want to see him. He has made that more than clear. No peace offering between them would be accepted.

Carefully, slowly, Seokjin walks away from the door.

Normally he doesn’t mind the fact that he has only a small handful of friends, but today he feels guilty as he calls up Hoseok. It’s Hoseok’s hard earned day off too. It feels greedy to disturb him just because he can’t handle being alone, but he still waits impatiently as the phone rings.

“Jwan!” Hoseok’s sunny voice says.

Seokjin injects cheer into his voice as he says, “Hoba, I’m thinking about a round of tennis. Are you up to it?” His heart clenches painfully as soon as the words are out. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if Hoseok says no.

“I can be ready in, uh, about thirty minutes. Sounds good?”

“Perfect. I can pick you up.”

“Nice, see you here, hyung! Have you eaten? Let’s grab some food afterwards too.”

Seokjin’s insides buzz with relief and gratitude. All he can say is, “Of course. I’ll buy you whatever you want.”

☆☆☆

[Taehyungie]

Yoongi:
Hi

☆☆☆

Yoongi wakes up one morning, and Seokjin is gone. He walks into the kitchen to see Jungkook scooping rice into a bowl, the apartment quiet. Jungkook is the one who hesitantly says, “Jin-hyung left this morning.”

“Oh,” Yoongi replies, feeling a bit awkward. He debates between making some coffee or heading back into his bedroom and waiting for Jungkook to clear out of the kitchen. Leaving would probably be better. He takes a step backwards, already turning away.

“I don’t like when hyung leaves, but it does have some perks,” Jungkook surprises him by saying. He points to the stove where he has something bubbling. “I get to put an insane amount of garlic into the food. Hyung’s allergic so I usually don’t add it in.” He looks down shyly and seems to gather some courage before asking, “Would you want some? There’s plenty.”

Yoongi isn’t really sure, but he finds himself nodding as soon as Jungkook looks up at him, his large eyes cautiously optimistic. Jungkook quickly serves him a huge portion, and they sit down together at the table to eat.

It’s good, just like the food he made before for Yoongi’s heat, and Jungkook grins happily when Yoongi says, “This is really delicious.”

This little breakfast seems to break the ice between them because Yoongi finds himself having dinner with Jungkook that night too. And the next day. And the next.

Without Seokjin in the house, Jungkook seeks Yoongi out, always looking a little nervous like he expects to be told to go away. But he’s really not bad company. He’s often quiet, happy to just have someone to sit with. Conversations are sparse between them, but as the days go by, Jungkook seems to gather a bit more courage to ask Yoongi questions. Nothing too deep, just casual talk that slowly reveals that Jungkook is actually really funny and sweet.

It’s nice to hang out in the living room for a change. Yoongi plays guitar, and Jungkook sits on the other side of the sofa, scrolling on his phone and occasionally humming along if he knows the song. It’s nice company, and it helps a bit to soothe the gnawing loneliness.

When the weekend arrives, Yoongi is the one who knocks on Jungkook’s bedroom door and asks if he wants to go grab some food with him. Jungkook does a little dance in the elevator from the excitement, making Yoongi laugh.

Yoongi had seen Taehyung that morning in an effort to reconnect. They’d awkwardly walked around a shopping center, Taehyung picking up a few items. Yoongi is still angry, still hurt and bitter. The one time Taehyung tried to apologize again, Yoongi had quickly shut it down and insisted they not bring it up again. Taehyung had easily agreed, but from the nervous way he kept glancing at Yoongi, it was obvious he knew he wasn’t entirely forgiven just yet. Yoongi had felt relieved when they said goodbye.

It’s strange to think that right now he feels much more comfortable spending time with Jungkook than he does with Taehyung. They chat easily about music during dinner. Jungkook seems fascinated when Yoongi tells him about the music he produces and posts online.

“That’s so cool,” Jungkook says between bites.

“It’s just a hobby.”

“Can I listen to it when we get home?”

“I guess you can,” Yoongi says, trying not to feel too shy about this.

No one except Namjoon and Taehyung have ever taken his music seriously, except for his uncle who had been very encouraging when he was first starting out. Jungkook, though, seems earnest and enthusiastic, and Yoongi wants to see what he’ll think of it.

They leave the restaurant with full bellies and decide to walk along the river. Jungkook breaks their comfortable silence by saying, “Thank you again for dinner, Yoongi-ssi. It was really good.”

“No problem. Call me hyung, if you want.”

Jungkook’s grin is so happy. “You’re really nice, hyung. Seriously, you’re so cool.”

Yoongi chuckles. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

Jungkook hesitates for a moment, glancing at Yoongi a couple of times, before saying, “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“You don’t have to answer, I know it’s not really any of my business, but you and Jin-hyung don’t really like each other, do you?”

Yoongi’s surprised by the question. They’d been careful to not ever talk about Seokjin up to this point. It’s obvious, though, from the way that he and Seokjin can hardly stand to be in the same room together that the dislike is mutual. There’s really no point in lying, so he answers honestly, “No.”

“Were you… forced into marrying him?”

Yoongi pushes back his hair as he feels the wind ruffle it to the side. He’s not entirely sure how to answer that. He says hesitantly, “Sort of. It’s not really something we wanted to do. What exactly has he told you?”

“Not a lot. Just that the pictures were what caused everything. But I’m not surprised, really. His father pushed you into it, didn’t he? He’s been trying to pawn hyung off for years, and I guess now he finally got his way.”

“It was complicated.”

Jungkook nods, a small frown on his face like he’s thinking hard. “It must’ve been hard for you. I’m sorry that it had to happen.”

For some reason, the words make Yoongi feel a bit choked up. He has to blink hard a few times, afraid tears will well up. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

“I’ll tell hyung he has to be more welcoming. He’s really a very kind person, but…” Jungkook sighs. “Ever since his mother died, he’s been a bit lost, I think.”

Yoongi knew that Seokjin’s mother had passed, but he really doesn’t know any details. He can’t help but ask, “How did she pass?”

“Cancer, around two years ago. She lived with us for a little bit, while she got treatment — that's why Jin-hyung got a three bedroom apartment — but then she wanted to go live with her sister near the end. Hyung was really broken up over it. Even though he made sure she had the best treatments available, it was just too aggressive.”

“Oh,” Yoongi says, feeling a pang of sympathy. He can see from Jungkook’s face that it must have been a painful time in their lives.

“Jin-hyung didn’t tell you any of that?”

“We don’t really talk.”

“I get it. He hasn’t shown you his good sides yet, but he really does have them. He’s always helping people, and he’s really funny, even if sometimes his jokes are a bit lame. He’s the most caring person I know. Sometimes he can be stubborn and make rash decisions, but he always apologizes. Really, there are a lot of worse people you could’ve ended up with.”

“I guess so,” Yoongi says, not really meaning it, but he doesn’t want to hurt Jungkook’s feelings. Not with the way the kid is so earnestly nodding at him, as if relieved that Yoongi agrees.

“I think he’d really like you if he got to know you. I’ll talk to him about it.” Jungkook gives him a sweet smile before his attention gets caught by the row of food stalls up ahead. “Ooh, what’s that?”

A little relieved that the conversation seems to be over, Yoongi smiles at the way Jungkook’s eyes widen as they walk by the vendors. He finds himself reaching for his wallet again and asking, “See anyone selling hotteok?”

Jungkook instantly spins around, marching to the correct stall.

♡♡♡

Seokjin comes back home, and things are… different.

Jungkook rushes to him as he opens the door to the apartment, suitcases in tow. He instantly has his arms around Seokjin’s waist, lifts him up, and gives him a few spins. Seokjin laughs and lets it happen, happy to see him too.

It’s not until he gets put back down and takes a good look at him that he notices that Jungkook’s clothes look different. All black and oversized. “New outfit?” he asks as he makes his way towards his room to dump his bags.

“Yeah! I went shopping with Yoongi-hyung yesterday.”

Seokjin freezes. Yoongi-hyung? “Oh. Well that’s cool. What else did you buy?”

Jungkook eagerly shows him the new hoodie he bought, as well as a couple of shirts that Yoongi apparently gave him from his own closet. Looking at him again, Seokjin realizes that the outfit Jungkook has on is entirely inspired by the type of things Yoongi usually wears.

It doesn’t stop with just the clothes. Seokjin leaves for just two weeks, and all of a sudden Jungkook and Yoongi are the best of friends. Jungkook hardly shuts up about how cool and smart and great Yoongi is. Apparently Yoongi makes music and is the most incredible rapper, and Jungkook claims to be learning so much by hanging out with him. Seokjin hears them joking and laughing together around the apartment. A few times Seokjin has gone looking for Jungkook and found him chilling on Yoongi’s bed while Yoongi worked on his laptop, giant headphones over his ears. Hell, Junkook has even started doing Yoongi's laundry along with theirs.

It’s weird.

It’s not like Seokjin likes it — because he definitely does not — but he is a bit relieved. He’d been terrified that Yoongi would be mean to Jungkook, that things would go wrong and Jungkook would have to move out. So even though it makes him feel funny, and even though a part of him feels a bit left out, he’s glad they’re getting along. Not that it’s possible to dislike Jungkook, in Seokjin’s opinion, but still.

Another difference that Seokjin has to get used to now is the fact that Taehyung might randomly show up in his home. It gives him a small shock to suddenly walk by the kitchen and see him sitting on the counter while Yoongi stirs something on the stove.

Seokjin’s eyes are a little too wide, his mouth open, when Taehyung looks up and spots him. It’s undignified so Seokjin quickly straightens himself up and says, “Taehyung. Hi.”

“Hello, hyung. How’s filming going?”

“My part is done. It went well, I think. It’ll be a good one.”

“Playing another second lead?”

Seokjin exhales a big, fake sigh. “The plight of the snubbed losers calls to me. Also I don’t have to work as hard as the lead.”

Taehyung starts to laugh, but as his eyes go to Yoongi, his laughter quickly dies out. Yoongi hasn’t turned around, completely acting as if Seokjin doesn’t exist and this interaction isn’t happening.

“I’m here to help Yoongi-hyung pack for the trip,” Taehyung offers up.

“Oh, are you? Well, be sure to bring plenty of sunscreen. Father always forces everyone onto a yacht at some point.” Seokjin feels his mood sink even lower as he thinks about it. The yearly trips to celebrate his father’s birthday are bad enough already, but now he’ll have to spend them with someone who hates his guts.

Well. With one more person who hates his guts.

The front door opens, and Jungkook’s voice calls out, “I’m home! Ooh, it smells really good! Who’s cooking? Can I have some?”

He steps into the kitchen and stops as he sees them all gathered there. He looks at Taehyung, and oh no. His eyes go wide and starry immediately. Seokjin has seen that look before, knows it means an instant crush has formed.

“Jungkook, this is my cousin, Taehyung,” Yoongi says, at last turning around. Seokjin can’t help but notice that his cheeks are a little flushed from the heat of the stove.

“Hi!” Taehyung says with his big, wide grin. “It’s nice to meet you.”

It takes Jungkook a second too long, but at last he snaps out of it and looks embarrassed as he says, “You too.”

Seokjin absolutely does not want to deal with this so he says quickly, “Well, I’m gonna go take a nap. It was nice seeing you, Taehyung.”

“You too, hyung. Rest a lot,” Taehyung replies back before focusing on Jungkook again and asking, “Want to join us for lunch?”

Seokjin is already walking away as he hears Jungkook’s overeager, “Yes, please.” He shakes his head and prays that Taehyung’s marriage to Namjoon comes up quickly in their conversation. He really, really, really does not want to be the one to break it to Jungkook.

He really is tired, but instead of a nap, he forces himself to pack a suitcase for all of the things he’ll need to take for the trip. He really wishes he could get out of it somehow. It’s not like anyone except his father wants him there anyway. The only good thing he can think of is that at least this year his father won’t bring up finding him a good match — though of course that comes at the cost of having Yoongi there so it’s not really much of a win.

Seokjin may be an introvert at heart, but he’s usually alright at getting along with people when he needs to. None of his co-stars have ever complained about working with him. He can mingle when the occasion calls for it. But Yoongi has been different since the day they met. Yoongi has always disliked him, and Seokjin, well. Seokjin has always reacted childishly to that dislike. So yeah, maybe he has pulled Yoongi's pigtails a bit just to see his pretty pout even before all of this happened, and sure, now Yoongi has an even better reason to hate him than ever before. But it still stings.

They might really kill each other on this trip.

Chapter Text

♡♡♡

The plane ride to Jeju is tense and silent. Seokjin makes sure to speak only when absolutely necessary, wary of starting a fight before they even get there. Yoongi scowls the entire time, as if just being near Seokjin is torture. They've barely said ten words to each other by the time they arrive at the resort.

The suite booked for them is beautiful. It has a separate living room area with a small couch and a desk by a window with a view of the ocean.

Checking the time, they still have a few hours before they're expected to join the family for dinner. Seokjin holds back a sigh and turns to look at Yoongi, who is over by the desk setting up his laptop, hooking it up to some complicated looking machines.

"What's all that?" Seokjin asks.

Yoongi answers flatly, "Music equipment."

"Oh yeah, Jungkook mentioned you write songs. He says they're really good."

Yoongi doesn't say anything, just keeps connecting all of the wires.

Seokjin rolls his eyes. This is going to be hell. Still, trying to be nice, he asks, "Can I hear some of them?"

"I don't really let people listen."

"Of course you don't," Seokjin says, frustration building up. "Sorry I asked. I'll leave you to it then." He turns and flees to the bedroom before things can get worse.

Their spats always involve the same things. Harsh words spit at one another. Petty jabs that end with one of them storming away. Seokjin always regrets them, ashamed of how quickly he lets his emotions take over, but there’s something particularly hurtful in the way Yoongi looks down on him. Hurtful enough that Seokjin has begun to wonder if maybe it’s because deep down he fears that Yoongi is right about him.

They leave each other alone until dinner, when they reluctantly head down to the lobby together.

"I think the restaurant is this way." Seokjin points to the left, and they're about to go when the elevator doors by them open with a ding and a familiar laugh rings out.

They turn to see Namjoon, a wide grin on his face as he carries a giggly Taehyung on his back. They look so happy, and Seokjin's eyes instantly turn to find Yoongi. His face remains as stoic as ever, but it must sting.

For a second, Seokjin considers whispering to Yoongi that they could play at being a happy couple too, if Yoongi wants. He quickly dismisses the thought. It's not like Yoongi would go for it, and Seokjin is sick of getting dirty looks from him.

"Joonie," he says instead. "Taehyung. Hello."

Taehyung's smile dims as his eyes land on Yoongi. "Hi, hyungs." He wiggles in Namjoon's hold until he gets put down.

Namjoon instantly holds onto Taehyung’s hand. It's clear he's not happy to see Seokjin and Yoongi together, but he at least makes an effort to give Yoongi a smile and make small talk with him, ignoring Seokjin as they all make their way to the restaurant. Seokjin trails a step behind them, telling himself over and over that he just has to get through the weekend.

Kim Youngchul is already there. He greets them enthusiastically, though it's Namjoon who gets a hand on the shoulder and a seat next to him. Seeing the two of them together like this, Namjoon looks like the spitting image of their father. Seokjin, on the other hand, takes completely after his mother's side of the family. The untrained eye probably couldn't even tell they're related.

Namjoon's mother, as always, refuses to acknowledge that Seokjin is at the table. What is surprising, however, is that she barely acknowledges Yoongi's greeting and proceeds to spend the entire meal ignoring him too. Seokjin can tell that Yoongi’s taken aback by this, the hint of a frowny pout destroying his blank mask.

Don't worry, Seokjin wants to tell him. You didn't do anything wrong. She is just allergic to anything associated with me. But saying that would probably just make Yoongi hate him more, wouldn’t it? Instead Seokjin stays quiet and lets Namjoon answer all of his parents' questions about how married life is going.

“And you, Seokjin?” his father belatedly asks, suddenly remembering his existence. “How are you and Yoongi settling in?”

“Wonderfully,” Seokjin says with a big smile, turning to look at Yoongi, who doesn’t look at him and stays stubbornly silent. “We couldn’t be happier.”

From the corner of his eye, Seokjin can see Taehyung’s face twist with pain before he quickly looks down to hide it.

“Great, great,” his father says before moving on.

During dessert, Yoongi's eyes barely look up from his plate. Seokjin knows all too well what Yoongi feels right now. He's dealt with it all his life and has built up defenses to it. It must be hard for Yoongi to suddenly go from beloved future son-in-law to unwanted guest at the table. For some reason, it fills Seokjin with distress, an urge to fix it itching at his skin, but what can he do? Any word from him would probably make things worse.

Namjoon has also noticed and keeps sending Yoongi concerned little glances. It's annoying, and Seokjin has the stupid urge to snap at Namjoon to mind his own business.

The whole meal feels eternal with only Taehyung making any big effort to include Yoongi and Seokjin into the conversation, which seemed to greatly annoy Namjoon’s mother — the only win of the evening. Seokjin is overwhelmingly relieved when it’s finally over.

He's exhausted by the time they get back to their room, brain slightly fuzzy from the drinks he gulped down. They get ready for bed wordlessly, taking turns in the bathroom. Yoongi eyes Seokjin's pajamas with judgment when he comes out, and for a moment Seokjin really regrets bringing this pair. They're bright blue, cute little cartoon angels printed all over them — his favorite. Yoongi already thinks he's dumb and immature. This definitely isn’t helping.

Yoongi has on a baggy black t-shirt and shorts that end mid-thigh. His legs are slim and pale, and Seokjin averts his eyes quickly, not even wanting to chance getting caught looking for too long. They still have two more days to get through.

"What side of the bed do you want?" Seokjin asks instead, gesturing to it.

"You should take the couch in the living room."

Seokjin's eyes widen, eyebrows going up. “You take the couch,” he shoots back.

"We can't share a bed."

"Why not? It's big enough." When Yoongi only glares at him, Seokjin can’t help but roll his eyes. No way is he sleeping on the fucking couch. This trip is already miserable enough. "What, are you afraid I’ll snore just because Namjoon does? Well I don't. I’m very quiet. I don’t even toss and turn much. Really, the only thing he and I have in common is a shared hatred for mint choco ice cream."

Yoongi's glare turns murderous as soon as he says Namjoon's name, and it brings a petty sense of satisfaction to Seokjin. Yoongi grits out, "It would be the chivalrous thing to do."

"Because I'm an alpha and you're an omega? Is that how you really think, dear Yoongi? I didn't know you were so old fashioned. Do you want me to order you around as your alpha then? Are we going to be traditional?”

"You're not my alpha. That's exactly why you should take the couch. Or rent another room, even. Why are you making this so difficult?"

"I'm making it difficult?" Seokjin realizes his voice is getting louder, and he takes a moment to take a deep breath and collect himself. "Look," he says, "whether we like it or not, you are my mate and I'm yours. That’s the solution you chose. I would be in this room with Taehyung right now if you hadn't interfered. So how about we stop fighting and just share this big, comfortable bed? Let’s not make this shitty weekend any worse.”

Seokjin half expects Yoongi to really grab his suitcase and demand another room, but instead it’s as if all of the fight leaks out of him. He says nothing as he yanks back the covers and gets into bed.

Well then. Seokjin turns off the lights and then follows his lead, getting in from the other side. Yoongi immediately turns his back to him. Seokjin turns to his side, his back to Yoongi too just to make it clear that he has no bad intentions.

After a minute in silence, though, he can’t resist saying, “Sweet dreams, dear Yoongi.”

♡♡♡

In the morning, Seokjin is the first to wake up. He’s still facing away from Yoongi, but he can sense him there. The bed feels a little warmer than usual. He can hear Yoongi’s steady breathing.

He closes his eyes again, pulling the covers up a little more. He hasn’t woken up next to someone in a long, long time. He’d forgotten how it feels.

It’s a vulnerable thing to sleep next to another person. It requires a certain level of trust. He’s glad Yoongi was able to fall asleep in their shared bed. Tied to each other as they are, this yearly thing is something they’ll have to repeat over and over again. It would be too much of a pain to have this fight every year.

What would have happened if he had married Taehyung? Perhaps the two of them would have been uninvited from these trips. That’s certainly a big possibility. But if they hadn’t, he wonders how they would have chosen to navigate it. Maybe it would’ve even felt nice to have him here, someone finally on his side. They would have at least gotten along and not had any issues with sharing the bed. Would he have been able to turn and snuggle up to Taehyung? Not out of any romantic feelings or sexual desires, but simply out of genuine affection? Or would their friendship have broken down completely if they’d been forced into a marriage? Seokjin can't imagine it would be worse than this.

No use dwelling on what ifs, he sternly tells himself. Slowly and carefully, he shifts onto his stomach and turns to look at Yoongi.

He is lying on his back, his face turned just a bit towards Seokjin. He looks so peaceful like this. No tension, no frown, no glare. Seokjin can’t help but stare, little details popping out. Yoongi has a chickenpox scar on his forehead that he’d never noticed before. The little dot on his nose lines up with the little dot on his cheek. Seokjin even manages to find the shape of his eyebrows interesting. It all comes together to make up Yoongi, and for whatever reason, despite everything, Seokjin’s brain still labels Yoongi as cute.

He almost scoffs at himself.

He really doesn’t want to get up, but he doesn’t think Yoongi would be very happy to wake up and catch Seokjin staring. He would rather not feel the sting of Yoongi’s disgust so early in the morning. With a lot of effort, he gets out of their warm bed and heads to the bathroom to shower.

☆☆☆

Yoongi knew it was going to be awful, but he was unprepared for just how bad it was going to be. Seokjin, as always, is insufferable. Namjoon’s mother apparently hates him now. There’s an endless parade of activities, always surrounded by a crowd of rich, self-important assholes, and on top of all that, he’s forced to watch Namjoon and Taehyung be happy and in love.

His body feels heavy and clumsy all day, his heart squeezing painfully. He had heard of this Kim family tradition throughout the years from Namjoon, how his father invites important people to a fancy resort for a weekend of beachside parties and fancy dinners. It feels humiliating to remember now, but Yoongi had looked forward to these trips before, back when he had believed that Namjoon would be his mate. He’d been ready to laugh politely at his father-in-law’s unfunny jokes and tolerate Seokjin’s presence. He’d wanted to be here as Namjoon’s mate, able to walk with his head held high.

But now? Now it’s all ruined. The other party guests are clearly aware of the scandal. His reputation has been dragged through the gutter, and there’s nothing he can say or do that would fix it. A few people even awkwardly skirt around him like he’s contagious. They look at him from the corner of their eyes and whisper behind their hands. Yoongi knows exactly what they’re saying about him.

He knows what they’re saying about Seokjin too. He’d heard it all before. Some find him charming, sure, but overall it’s agreed that he’s someone to be pitied. Kim Youngchul’s open secret. A foolish, self-absorbed idiot. At least he’s handsome, they say, and then laugh.

If Seokjin knows what people think about him, he doesn’t seem to care. His behavior is as blithe as ever, cracking jokes with everyone he talks to and never taking anything seriously. It pisses Yoongi off.

Taehyung’s presence would normally be a comfort, but things are still tense between them. It’s painful to watch the way he can gracefully flutter from one group to another, everyone admiring his beauty. Not even when Yoongi was trying his hardest could he do a fraction of what Taehyung does. He could never leave people smiling like that, flustered just from speaking to him. It comes easily to Taehyung to make friends with everyone. It’s not an act he’s putting on, but a genuine openness to new people. And Namjoon looks so proud, his eyes always on his mate. He has barely remembered to exchange more than a few sentences with Yoongi today.

It’s been months, but the pain hasn’t eased at all.

“Do you want to get out of here?” Seokjin whispers to him just after dinner, as the large group is slowly making its way to the rooftop bar for drinks.

Yoongi frowns, instantly on guard. “What? Why?”

Seokjin grins and keeps that in place, barely moving his lips as he says, “Because I would love to leave, and if you do too, then let’s go back to the room.”

Oh. Well yes, Yoongi definitely can’t stand another second of this. He nods and says, “Okay.”

“Great.” Seokjin throws an arm around Yoongi’s shoulders and drags him over to where his father and step-mother are standing together. “Father, that was a wonderful dinner,” Seokjin says, his grip on Yoongi leaving no room to wiggle free, “but I’m afraid we need to retire for the night a little early. My mate is feeling very tired.”

Rage instantly boils inside of Yoongi. He wants nothing more than to shove Seokjin’s stupid arm off, but instead he keeps careful control of himself and forces a small smile.

Before Youngchul can even open his mouth to answer, his wife snaps, “It’s very rude to leave the party early.”

“I apologize,” Seokjin says, giving a half-assed little bow. “Truly, I don’t mean to be rude. I’m just looking out for my mate.”

“It’s fine,” Youngchul says, putting a hand up when his wife begins to protest. “I understand. You’ve been celebrating with me all day. Make sure Yoongi gets some rest.”

“Thank you,” Seokjin says, bowing properly to his father this time, which Yoongi quickly copies. “We’ll rest a lot and be ready to rejoin the celebration tomorrow. Happy birthday.”

“Yes, happy birthday, father-in-law. Thank you,” Yoongi says, enjoying it a little too much when Namjoon’s mother’s eyes snap to him with annoyance.

He lets Seokjin lead him away, his arm staying around Yoongi until they make it outside. It’s only then that he lets go.

“Did you really have to put the blame on me?” Yoongi asks.

“Yes. My father has a soft spot for omegas. Or better said, he thinks they’re weaker and need to be cared for. Are you upset about it?”

Yoongi is annoyed, definitely, but mostly he’s relieved that it worked. “Just give me a warning next time.”

♡♡♡

Seokjin wakes up with a start. It’s four in the morning. The lights are still on in the bedroom, and Yoongi isn’t next to him.

He groans a little as he sits up, still above the covers. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, really. They’d changed into their sleeping clothes as soon as they got back to the room, but then Yoongi had put on his headphones and started working at his computer. Seokjin had stayed in the bedroom, scrolling on his phone. It’s a little worrying that Yoongi never came to bed.

Did he decide to sleep on the couch after all? He wouldn’t have left, would he? Seokjin can’t hear any noise coming from the living room. No clicking of a mouse, no keyboard keys clacking. Something cold enters his chest at the thought of Yoongi sneaking out of their hotel room in the middle of the night. Where could he have gone?

Frowning, Seokjin gets up and goes into the living room. The mystery is solved immediately: Yoongi is slumped over the desk, his headphones halfway off his head. He looks like a teenager who stayed up all night to cram for a test, and Seokjin can’t help but smile. The scary Min Yoongi looks kind of adorable sleeping like this. He's tempted to grab his phone and snap a picture.

Yoongi can’t stay like this all night, though. Slowly and carefully, Seokjin takes off the headphones. He’s about to put them down when his eyes fall on Yoongi’s screen. Most of it is completely incomprehensible to him, some sort of music program that displays a bunch of different colored bars and buttons. What he does understand, however, is the little green triangle button at the bottom of the screen. He glances at Yoongi, but he hasn’t even twitched.

Seokjin has never been very good at resisting buttons. He puts on the headphones and presses play. Jungkook had gushed about Yoongi’s incredible rap skills, but Seokjin is still floored as the song kicks off with a literal bang and an infectious beat. Yoongi’s deep voice raps so quickly that Seokjin feels like he can barely keep up. It lasts only a minute, but Seokjin immediately hits play again. Fuck, he really is as talented as Jungkook claims.

Talented enough that it’s a crime no one gets to listen to it. Talented enough that perhaps… perhaps something should be done about it. But no. Seokjin quickly takes off the headphones and tells himself he shouldn’t make decisions at this hour.

He hovers over him for a moment, wondering if Yoongi would kill him if he carried him to bed. Probably. He does the next best thing and gently lifts him up by holding onto his upper arms. That seems like a safe place to touch.

“Hmm?” Yoongi lifts his head, his eyes barely opening for a second before falling closed again.

“Time to sleep,” Seokjin says softly, encouraging Yoongi to stand up.

Miraculously, Yoongi only hums again, gets to his feet, and allows Seokjin to lead him to the bedroom. He lays Yoongi down on the bed and pulls the covers over him. Yoongi seems to be completely back asleep by the time Seokjin has turned off the lights and gotten into his own side of the bed.

He counts himself lucky and gives a little thanks to whatever deity let him get away with that move.

♡♡♡

They survive the weekend and return to Seoul exhausted. They barely even have energy to spat on the flight back, sitting in silence as they ignore each other.

His step-mother had been extra insufferable on their last day there, so Seokjin had pretended not to even notice, knowing that pisses her off even more. He'd also successfully managed to avoid talking to Namjoon for longer than five minutes, which is why it's such a shame that now he's the one calling Jimin and making an appointment to see him.

"Really?" Jimin asks. "Is this a joke? Are you joking right now, hyung?"

"If I said I was, would you laugh? Is this funny to you?"

"I feel like you're playing a trick on me."

"Don't be ridiculous. This is a professional call. You got anything free right after lunch? It might be good to catch him when he's happy from eating."

"But what is this even about? Can't you just call him or something?"

Seokjin sighs loudly into the phone so that Jimin can hear him. "Jimin-ssi, I have very important business to discuss with your boss. It's top secret, otherwise I would love nothing more than to chit chat with you about it, truly. Now, are you going to schedule my appointment or do I have to break into your room and steal all of your shoes?"

"I better not get in trouble for this, hyung," Jimin whines. "I'm serious, I really like this job."

But he still makes the appointment, and so Seokjin strides into Hybe just a few days later. He'd stayed up late the night before, asking himself all of the important questions, such as: should I be doing this? Would Yoongi want me to do this? Will this assuage that awful ‘eating rocks’ feeling I get every time I think about all of the wrong turns I've taken in life? The answer to all of them is a resounding no, but he still waves at Jimin before marching into Namjoon's nice office.

Namjoon, as always, looks at him with suspicion, as if fearful that Seokjin is about to go on a rampage and destroy the place. Seokjin smiles his best shark smile to give the feeling that he just might.

"Joonie. How have you been?" He remains standing, liking the feel of being taller with Namjoon seated on the other side of the desk. He grabs one of the picture frames on Namjoon's desk and turns it around to take a look.

"Fine, I guess," Namjoon says, but Seokjin isn't really listening anymore.

He'd expected to see a picture of Taehyung or some aesthetically pleasant postcard Namjoon picked up in Rome. But the picture shows a teenaged Namjoon and Yoongi, the two of them standing awkwardly next to each other. Namjoon must have been around eighteen here.

"This is Yoongi," Seokjin's mouth says without his permission. He recovers quickly and puts the photo back in its place. "Cute. That's actually exactly why I'm here."

"Is something wrong?" Namjoon looks instantly worried, and Seokjin has to push down the surge of annoyance he feels.

It's stupid and childish, but he doesn't like the thought of Namjoon worrying about Yoongi. It hurts his alpha pride. He's perfectly capable of making sure that his mate is alright, and there's no need for Namjoon to stick his nose in their business.

So he says, "No, nothing wrong at all. This is more of a business thing, really. Are you aware that Yoongi produces music?"

Namjoon sounds insulted as he says quickly, "Of course I’m aware."

"And you know that he's incredibly talented?"

"Yes, he is. Can you get to the point?"

"So you have heard his music then?"

"Of course I have." Namjoon glares as he shoots back, "Have you heard it?"

"Of course, I'm his mate."

Namjoon bristles at that, just as intended, and Seokjin mentally congratulates himself. This is going quite well.

Before Namjoon can say anything, Seokjin continues, "Wonderful, then we are on the same page here. Yoongi is brilliant. His music should be heard. How fortunate we are that you're in charge of a music company."

"You want me to hire Yoongi-hyung?"

"What a great idea! You really are as smart as they say, Joonie."

"Yoongi doesn't want a job."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. I'm his best friend. I know everything about him. If he wanted to be a producer, all he would've ever had to do was say so. I've always told him he was good enough to do it professionally — I'm the one who set up his SoundCloud."

"Have you offered him a job since calling off the engagement? Because you know how old fashioned our family is. How could he bring up wanting a career when your mother was probably planning out how many of your kids he had to pop out?"

Namjoon doesn’t immediately counter that, which means Seokjin won this round. It feels pretty good to watch the gears turning in Namjoon's big brain. Time to go in for the kill.

"So you'll ask him then? It's really a win-win. You'll be rolling in money with hit after hit, I'm sure of it, and Yoongi will get the recognition he deserves. I'm honestly shocked you haven't already begged him to join."

"Alright. I'll ask," Namjoon says, sounding very much like the conversation is over.

"Great! Just make sure to mention this was all your idea."

"Why?" Namjoon stands up, using the scant inches he has on Seokjin to look down on him. "What exactly are you getting out of this?"

Seokjin rolls his eyes. Of course, it's always suspicion and distrust between them. "Fine, tell him it was my idea then. I just didn't want him to think the offer wasn't genuine on your part. But whatever, as long as he gets to share his music, that's all I care about. Really, it's a crime that his talent has been wasted for this long just because he had to wait around for you to come back. I just think he finally deserves to be happy."

Namjoon’s aggressive posture softens, his eyes lowering with guilt. Still, he says skeptically, “So you’re just doing this out of the kindness of your heart?”

“Of course. I just want what’s best for my mate.”

“I know you two only got married because of the pictures. You don’t have to pretend.”

“Who’s pretending? It doesn’t matter how it came about. Yoongi is mine to worry about. I have to look out for him, so that’s exactly what I’m doing.” Namjoon looks like he still has a few things he’d like to say, but Seokjin is done with this conversation. He got what he wanted, anyway. He looks at his wrist which most definitely does not have a watch on it and says, “Nice talking to you as always, Joonie, but I gotta go. Give Taehyung my best. Bye-bye!”

He waves his hand as he walks out the door.

☆☆☆

Namjoon opens the door and says, “And this will be your studio!”

Yoongi hesitantly steps inside and blinks a few times, vaguely feeling like this is a dream he’s about to wake up from.

He’d been confused when Namjoon called him to ask if he wanted to join Hybe as a producer. “You’re so talented, hyung,” Namjoon had said, and Yoongi had felt himself blush from the words.

“I have to think about it,” he’d mumbled back, and he had thought about it — constantly. Taehyung had sent him an endless amount of texts encouraging him to take the job, and Jungkook had twirled him in the kitchen when he’d casually mentioned it, full of excitement on his behalf. Still, Yoongi had hated the thought of just getting handed a job, especially one as sought after as this one, well aware that life has put a silver spoon in his mouth. And what’s more, working so closely with Namjoon just isn’t a good idea.

So Yoongi had called to turn down the offer, but what came out instead was, “Would I have my own studio?”

Namjoon had sounded so happy as he enthusiastically promised him his own studio and flexible hours and as much creative freedom as Namjoon could get away with giving him. And now, somehow, Yoongi is here, listening to Namjoon say, “You’ll primarily be working on Yeonjun’s debut album,” and launching into the concept for him and how Yeonjun’s wide range is going to fit perfectly with Yoongi. “He’s really incredible, hyung. Wait until you see him. He can rap, he can sing, he absolutely kills it at dance. He’s probably our most legendary trainee.”

“And I just… make music for him?”

“Yeah,” Namjoon says with a shrug and a wide smile. “With other producers we usually have more of a hand on what we want from them, but you have best friend privileges.”

Yoongi grins as Namjoon gives him an exaggerated wink, his heart fluttering in his chest. “Well, it doesn’t sound so bad, I guess.”

Namjoon has to get to a meeting, so he leaves Yoongi to set up but promises to come check on him later, saying over his shoulder, “Let’s grab lunch, okay? Boss’s orders!”

Yoongi can’t stop the stupid smile on his face as he gets to work setting up. All of the equipment is top of the line, exactly what he asked for. He can finally get out of Seokjin’s stupid apartment during the day and not feel like he’s rotting in a prison. And Namjoon is here, his soft heart reminds him, replaying the excited grin Namjoon had on his face. His dimples and bright eyes. The hug he’d given Yoongi when he saw him.

He’s a few hours into setting everything up when there’s a knock on the door. Assuming it’s Namjoon, he calls out, “Come in, come in!” without bothering to even turn around.

He’s surprised when a sweet, shy sounding voice says, “Hello, Yoongi-ssi. Is this a good time?”

Yoongi spins in his chair and there at his doorway is Park Jimin holding a little box. He looks different, his hair now dyed a soft pink instead of blond. He looks cute, everything about him screaming omega. Yoongi can’t help but feel awkward and ugly in comparison.

“I’m setting everything up,” Yoongi replies, well aware that his tone isn’t the most welcoming.

It’d been hard always feeling like he didn’t live up to the Jimins of the world. As if being an omega should rule what his personality is like and what his interests should be. Just another box for society to shove him in. He knows he is nowhere near the ideal that Jimin represents.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to bother you. I just wanted to bring you this.” He holds out the little box and adds, “They’re cookies. To, uh, welcome you into the crew.”

“Oh… thanks.” Yoongi takes the box and places it on his messy desk.

“No problem. I didn’t bake them or anything. I mean, obviously. The bakery name is on the box.” Jimin laughs, starting to look embarrassed. “I just — I was so excited when I heard you were joining the team. There’s only like, one other male omega in the building besides us. It’s just nice.”

Yoongi doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t think he’s going to have anything in common with the ball of cotton candy in front of him just because they both share a genetic trait. The silence stretches out for a few uncomfortable seconds.

“Sorry, you’re probably really busy. Um, but if you need anything or have any questions, you can always reach out to me. I’m just upstairs.” Jimin gives a little bow and says, “It was really nice to see you again. I’ll get going now.”

“Bye,” Yoongi says just before the door closes behind Jimin.

He turns to look at the box and feels a little bit bad. He could’ve been nicer, probably, but he’s not really looking to get too chummy around here. He pushes away the twinge of guilt and gets back to work.

The rest of the day goes by fast. He has lunch with Namjoon and then afterwards meets an enthusiastic Yeonjun, who is full of ideas. It’s late evening by the time he gets back to the apartment.

He finds Seokjin and Jungkook standing in the middle of the living room, their arms wrapped around each other. Jungkook has one hand pulling Seokjin’s hair, while Seokjin keeps trying to wrap a leg around Jungkook to trip him. Hoseok sits on the couch watching them and laughing his head off.

Jungkook gasps as soon as he sees Yoongi and immediately lets go of Seokjin, which makes Seokjin tumble to the floor. Jungkook rushes to Yoongi, a huge grin on his face as he says, “Hyung! How was your first day?”

“Pretty good.” Yoongi can’t help but huff out a laugh as Jungkook does a little clap of excitement for him.

“That’s so cool. Ah, I can’t wait to hear all of the songs you’re going to make! Can I come see your studio? Would that be allowed?”

“Yeah, sure. Maybe in a couple of weeks when I have everything set up, I can give you a tour,” Yoongi says, making Jungkook’s smile even brighter somehow.

Hoseok gets up to join them. There’s a happy smile on his face, which Yoongi is starting to think is just his default mode. Seokjin, apparently not wanting to be left out, picks himself off the floor and walks towards them as well.

Yoongi’s not really sure what to make of Hoseok. He seems to be really close to Seokjin and Jungkook, and he’s in enough of the pictures around the apartment to make it clear that he’s known them a long time. Yoongi can always tell when he’s here because all of the nicknames start. As some sort of inside joke, it seems, he calls Jungkook JK and Seokjin Jwan — foregoing all honorifics. In turn, they mostly call him Hobi, sometimes Hoba, sometimes J-Hope. It took Yoongi a while to figure out they were talking about the same guy.

“Congratulations on the new job, Yoongi-ssi!” Hoseok says.

“Thanks.” Yoongi’s eyes turn to Seokjin, expecting him to make some sort of stupid comment now. Miraculously, he stays silent.

“Did you see Jimin?” Hoseok asks eagerly.

“Yeah, I saw him.”

“He was so excited that you were going to start working there. He was practically bouncing out the door this morning. He’s my roommate — did he mention that?”

“Uh, no, I didn’t know. So you’re—?”

“Oh, yeah! I’m an omega too.”

Huh. Yoongi hadn’t really pegged him as such, though he instantly feels embarrassed for having assumed.

Hoseok is still smiling wide as he says, “The three of us should all go out for lunch together! Or drinks after work!”

“Yah!” Seokjin says, turning to Hoseok with an exaggeratedly offended look on his face. “I have asked you to grab a drink with me every day this week! Suddenly you’re free?

Hoseok laughs and reaches out to pinch both of Seokjin’s cheeks. They look deeply comfortable with each other, no hesitation in the movement. Seokjin doesn’t even flinch away, only makes an annoyed sounding grunt.

Hoseok says, “Sorry, omega bros get special priority, hyung. You’re not invited.”

“Am I invited though?” Jungkook asks.

“Of course you’re invited!” Hoseok automatically replies, making Seokjin squawk with indignation.

Hoseok and Jungkook laugh as Seokjin crosses his arms, playing it up. Hoseok’s eyes find Yoongi’s, clearly inviting him to be in on the joke, but Yoongi looks away.

“I’m gonna head to bed,” Yoongi says, ignoring the way Hoseok's smile dims in disappointment. He waves as Hoseok and Jungkook wish him a good night and hurries to his bedroom.

He runs a bath, throws in a nice smelling bath bomb, and allows himself to sink deep into the water. It was a long day. The warm water feels nice, but he still can’t get himself to really relax. His mind keeps replaying this one particular moment from lunch, when he and Namjoon were joking around just like they used to and it had felt so… fuck, it had felt so right. As if that was exactly where Yoongi was supposed to be. And Namjoon’s beautiful, dimpled smile…

With a sigh, he sinks even further down into the water, letting it come up high on his neck. Maybe he’s stupid for accepting the job. What good does it do him to torture himself like that? How long can he walk around pretending like his heart isn’t shattered?

Maybe he should just have a fling. Someone who can distract him from Namjoon, from how lonely he feels. He would just need to find someone discreet. He’s done it before, sort of. He had just barely admitted to himself that he’d fallen for Namjoon when Namjoon answered their usual video call with hickeys all over his neck. Yoongi had felt shocked, and seeing that he’d noticed, Namjoon had looked a little embarrassed and said, “Oh, these are just from a friend. It’s not going to interfere with our match or anything. I’m being careful. Just a friends with benefits thing.”

Yoongi had played it cool back then. Even as his heart had squeezed and jealousy had spiked, he had assured Namjoon that it was fine. They’d never talked about being exclusive, had they? And feeling hurt and petty, Yoongi had quickly gone on to lose his virginity with an acquaintance and then briefly have his own ‘benefits thing’ with a guy from his old basketball team. That was a long time ago now. The thrill had been pretty short lived, his heart always rebelling that it only wanted Namjoon.

Would it be any different now? What would Seokjin say if he found out? Would he be angry or would he not even care? He’s always so frustratingly unpredictable. As cocky and annoying and full of himself as he is, Yoongi had fully expected that he would put his foot down and prohibit Yoongi from working. Plenty of alphas in their class pull that bullshit, claiming that their omega having a job emasculates them somehow. But Seokjin hasn’t said anything about the job at all. He probably just doesn’t give a shit what Yoongi does all day.

His brain keeps turning the matter over and over until the water gets cold. He’s no closer to figuring out what exactly he should do.

♡♡♡

Seokjin’s legs feel weak and useless as he drags himself into his apartment building. His personal trainer would not let up, not even when Seokjin tried to distract her with jokes. He just wants to get home and fall into bed.

He spots a familiar figure ahead of him, the elevator doors already opening for him. Jungkook dresses exactly the same these days, wanting to emulate his new favorite hyung. Dressed in all black, Yoongi steps inside and turns around. His eyes narrow as he spots Seokjin.

“Hold it for me!” Seokjin calls out, forcing his tired legs to break into a run.

He can see Yoongi pressing a button but the doors start closing and Seokjin has to practically throw himself just to slip a hand between the doors in time to hold them open. Yoongi’s finger falls from the close door button just as Seokjin steps inside.

“Thanks,” Seokjin says pointedly. He watches as the different floors flash above the doors, and his self control only makes it until the fourth floor before he’s asking, “How’s your day been? Sour and miserable like you, I take it?”

A scowl instantly twists Yoongi’s face. “Even worse now that I've seen your ugly face."

"Ugly?" Seokjin scoffs. "Should I make an appointment to get your eyes checked? You can say a lot of things about me, dear Yoongi, but that's just ridiculous."

"You really overestimate yourself."

It's stupid the way Yoongi's lazy drawl gets to him, how the disgust in his eyes cuts somewhere deep. Seokjin knows he's handsome. It's the only thing he's ever really been praised for. His voice gets high pitched and loud as he says, "Are you crazy?!"

"You look just like every guy they put on TV," Yoongi says, getting out of the elevator as soon as the doors open on their floor. "Hardly anything special."

"Who's special then? Your precious Namjoon?"

“Anyone. Any fucking random guy on the street would look better compared to you.”

“You're being ridiculous right now!”

"You think your looks are enough to compensate for your shit personality, but they're not."

"I'm a perfectly likable person! You’re the one who always has a problem—"

The door to the apartment opens to reveal a worried looking Jungkook. "Are you guys fighting again?"

Yoongi says nothing, looking pissed as hell as he makes his way inside. Jungkook gives Seokjin a look full of disappointment. They're silent until they hear Yoongi's bedroom door slam closed.

"Hyung. You promised to be nice."

"Yeah, well he's not as nice as you think he is. He called me ugly just now."

Jungkook makes an aborted choking sound as he tries to stop his lips from smiling.

"It's not funny!"

Jungkook laughs and pats Seokjin's shoulder. "It's a little funny."

♡♡♡

[Team Kim Seokjin]

Jwan:
jungkook is a traitor

he is no longer my favorite person

that title now exclusively belongs to jimin because hoba is also a traitor

Jimin:
i love winning by default

Hobi 😚✨🌻:
what did he do? 😟

JK:
Yoongi-hyung called Jin-hyung ugly 😹😹😹

Hobi 😚✨🌻:
LOLOLOLOL

Jimin:
hahahahahahahahaha!!!

Jwan:
i’m blocking all of you

♡♡♡

Seokjin sulks for a few hours, but by the afternoon he has gotten over it. Mostly.

He’s lying in bed, reading a webtoon, when his bedroom door is thrown open by a flustered looking Jungkook. His face looks red as he quickly shuts the door and dramatically throws himself on the empty spot next to Seokjin.

Seokjin is instantly on alert. “What’s going on?”

“Yoongi-hyung’s cousin is here,” Jungkook mumbles, his face pressed against a pillow.

“Oh, Taehyung?”

Jungkook nods, looking as painfully shy as he did when he was fifteen, back when he would hide behind Seokjin constantly.

It makes Seokjin frown. “Was he rude to you?”

“No!” Jungkook finally looks up, turning so that he’s on his back. “He’s — he’s really nice. I just…” He hides his face behind his hands and groans.

“What, did you drool all over yourself or something?” He chuckles at his own joke. Jungkook groans again. “Come on, it can’t be that bad. Tell hyung what happened.”

Junkook stays behind his hands as he says, “I might as well have drooled. I just — I tripped all over my words and looked like an idiot.”

“Ah, poor Kookie.” Seokjin reaches out to squeeze his arm. “I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”

Jungkook sighs and drops his hands, his little face miserable. Seokjin had stupidly hoped that Jungkook and Taehyung would never cross paths again, but it seems that now that they’ve patched things up, Yoongi is bringing Taehyung around more often. The last thing he wants is for Jungkook to fall too deep into this crush of his.

So he says, “He’s mated to my brother. You shouldn’t care what he thinks.”

“I know, I know, but... I don’t know. He’s just…” Whatever Taehyung is gets lost as Jungkook sighs and sits up. “I’m gonna go back out there.” He grab’s Seokjin’s wrist and says, “Come with me.”

“Absolutely not,” Seokjin says, but Jungkook is already pulling at his arm. He resists as much as he can, letting his body go limp and heavy, but Jungkook is strong. It feels a bit like divine punishment as Jungkook forces him out of his room. All at once he feels guilt tug at his insides. He never told Jungkook he was involved with Taehyung, not when they had their fling and especially not about the disaster that led to marrying Yoongi.

The truth feels like a knife dangling above him as he’s pushed out into the living room, Jungkook right behind him.

Taehyung and Yoongi are sitting on the floor, their backs resting against the couch. Taehyung spots him and says, “Jin-hyung! I was hoping to see you.”

“Well, here I am,” Seokjin says, following Jungkook’s lead and sitting down across from them on the floor as well.

“Why is your brother always convinced he’s right?”

“Because he’s an egotistical maniac,” Seokjin replies automatically.

Taehyung laughs at that, looking delighted. Yoongi, however, is shooting Taehyung a cold blooded look and doesn’t seem to find it funny at all. Taehyung doesn’t notice.

“Wanna hear what he did this morning? He made me so mad.”

“No offense, but I’d rather stick my head in a toilet than hear about Namjoon’s marital spats.”

To everyone’s surprise, Yoongi huffs out a laugh at that. Seokjin’s eyes widen in shock. He’s never made Yoongi laugh before. It’s a strange feeling. Not that it lasts long.

Yoongi quickly recovers, face smoothing back into one of bland boredom. “How about we move on?” he says diplomatically.

“Fine,” Taehyung says a bit petulantly before instantly brightening again. “Oh, I saw your movie Blanket Kick, hyung. ”

“You did? What did you think?”

“Well, I watched the trailer,” Taehyung amends, making Seokjin and Jungkook laugh.

Hooking up with Taehyung had been a lot of fun, Seokjin suddenly remembers. A lot of goofy jokes between heated kisses, and plenty of times where they hung out after having sex just because they enjoyed each other’s company. Even at the party, when Seokjin had ruined everything, getting Taehyung into the alley hadn’t involved any suave flirting. It had been a silly, spur of the moment thing, the two of them giggling and enjoying that old feeling of sneaking around.

“I’m offended,” Seokjin jokes. “I expect you to watch it and then go online and leave good reviews on all of the movie websites.”

“It’s really good,” Jungkook says. “Hyung is really great in it.”

“Thank you, Kookie.” Seokjin reaches out to ruffle his hair, but Jungkook quickly doges him, his fists coming up to deter Seokjin from trying again.

Taehyung gasps and points to Jungkook’s hand. “What happened to your knuckles? Did you get into a fight or something?”

“Oh, no, no,” Jungkook says quickly, letting Taehyung grab his hand and inspect it. His eyes are going all starry again. “I’m a boxing instructor. This is just from work. I went a little too hard the other day.”

“Wow, really? That’s so cool.”

Jungkook puffs up a little from the compliment, and Seokjin gets that sinking feeling in his stomach again. Taehyung is instantly asking Jungkook all about the gym he works in, what classes he teaches, and slowly Jungkook’s shyness seems to diminish.

Seokjin keeps an eye on Yoongi, watching the way he keeps looking between his cousin and Jungkook with suspicion. Jungkook’s crush is obvious to Seokjin, but it must be pretty clear to Yoongi too. Taehyung grins brightly when Jungkook promises to give him some personal boxing lessons, and it’s then that Yoongi and Seokjin’s eyes meet.

Yes, they both definitely sense danger.

Chapter Text

☆☆☆

Yoongi feels tricked, somehow. Jungkook had come to check out Yoongi’s studio, ooh-ing and ahh-ing at everything. He’d casually mentioned that his birthday was coming up and was Yoongi free that weekend? He should’ve said no, but something about Jungkook’s bambi eyes and pleading tone had somehow gotten him to agree to come on this little trip.

And now Yoongi is here, sitting in the passenger seat of the car, heading to some house by a lake that they rented. Seokjin is driving. Jungkook, Jimin, and Hoseok sit in the back. All four of them have an easy bond with each other, endlessly joking and bantering, and Yoongi is just trying to be as invisible as possible. How the fuck did he end up here?

They arrive at a house that looks surprisingly normal. It’s pretty isolated, nestled between mountains, a lake within easy walking distance. It’s a nice place, but there’s nothing luxurious about it. It has only two bedrooms. One room holds a bunk bed and a twin bed, and the other a large queen bed.

Yoongi really, really regrets coming as Jungkook insists, “You two are the oldest. You have to take the nicer room.”

His eyes are doing that innocent puppy thing again, and Hoseok’s giggle only confirms what Yoongi had already pieced together. He waits until he’s alone in the bedroom with Seokjin, putting their bags away, to say, “Jungkook is playing matchmaker with us.”

Seokjin snorts. “Yeah, for a while now. You hadn't noticed? He keeps putting your socks in my drawer.”

“That’s on purpose?” Yoongi asks, remembering all of the times Jungkook has handed him his clean laundry and there had been a few socks in there that didn’t belong to him. Jungkook had started doing Yoongi's laundry claiming it was his main chore in the house and that he didn’t mind because he liked doing it. Yoongi hadn’t been about to complain about a few stray socks.

Seokjin sounds fond as he says, “He really imagined us falling in love while exchanging socks. Ah, only our Kookie would come up with something like that.”

“He’s lucky he’s so cute,” Yoongi grumbles, though he can’t really find it in himself to get angry about this, one corner of his mouth twitching up into a smile. He’s really grown to like the silly kid.

There's a loud laugh from the living room, unmistakably Jungkook. Seokjin turns to it, even though the door is closed and he can't see anything.

“Look,” Seokjin says after a second, “it's his birthday so let's agree to play nice and make sure he has a good time, okay?”

Yoongi automatically nods. “Fine with me.”

He wasn't planning on causing trouble anyway. As much as he can't stand being around Seokjin and as awkward as he feels being here in the middle of this established friend group, the last thing he wants to do is ruin this for Jungkook.

He ends up in the kitchen with Seokjin and Jimin as they cook dinner that night. Jungkook and Hoseok are in front of the TV trying to learn some girl group's choreography, loudly laughing and yelling as they trip over each other. Jimin has been quieter than Yoongi expected so far. He keeps shooting Yoongi these nervous little glances that set Yoongi even more on edge. Even though they've seen each other at work a couple of times, Jimin hadn't said much to him except meek hellos.

Seokjin, too, hasn't said much, and so the kitchen is awkwardly quiet as they work. That is until Yoongi catches Jimin's wrist just as he's about to sprinkle a bunch of salt onto a dish that needs sugar.

“What did I tell you?” Yoongi says. “I said to add sugar.”

“This is sugar.”

“No it's not. I used that earlier. It's salt.”

“The other one is salt. I tasted it.”

“They're both salt.”

Jimin pulls away from Yoongi's grip and sprinkles some onto his mouth. His face immediately twists into an embarrassed smile. “Oh, it is salt.” Then he bursts out laughing.

Seokjin turns around from the stove to look as Jimin starts to lose it, laughing so hard that he has to lean against the counter.

“Sorry!” Jimin says between laughter. “Yoongi-ssi just looks so funny. Like a grumpy cat. And he has such fast reflexes too.”

Seokjin and Yoongi exchange looks, not really seeing what's so funny.

“Yah, get it together,” Seokjin scolds. “Here I am slaving away and you're slowing dinner down. Get back to work.”

“But hyung, doesn't Yoongi-ssi look so cute when he makes that frowny face? I can't get over it!”

“Well yes, he's very cute, but that's no excuse. We've got starving mouths to feed,” Seokjin says, turning back to the stove.

“Sorry, okay, I'm done,” Jimin says, still giggling as he turns back to the counter. “So which one's the sugar?”

Yoongi sends the back of Seokjin's head one last annoyed glare before handing Jimin the right bowl with the sugar. He's not sure why but Seokjin agreeing that he's cute bothers him. It's nothing new. Seokjin has said it before, always in a weird tone that left Yoongi wondering if he was being mocked or not. But who knows with Seokjin. Maybe he meant nothing by it at all. Yoongi goes back to his own task, telling himself to just forget about it for now.

They finish making dinner and eat in the sunroom at the back of the house that has a view of the lake. Jimin seems to have decided that Yoongi is not that scary after all and spends a lot of time badgering him with questions and giggling any time Yoongi gives him flat answers. It becomes a bit of a game, Jimin teasing Yoongi and in return Yoongi pretending to be annoyed.

To his surprise, Yoongi even starts enjoying himself a bit. He'd been prepared for this whole weekend to really suck, but Hoseok and Jimin are welcoming, eager to accommodate Yoongi and pull him into the conversation. Jungkook is relaxed and goofy around his close friends, and Seokjin… well, Yoongi just tries his best to pretend he isn't even here and it works out well enough. Jungkook looks happy, and that's all that matters.

By the time everyone calls it a night, Yoongi isn't dreading the upcoming two days anymore.

He and Seokjin don't exchange a word as they take turns getting ready for bed. Yoongi briefly considers sleeping on the couch, but decides against it. He'd survived sharing a bed with Seokjin at the hotel in Jeju. He can survive it here.

Seokjin turns off the lights, and they settle under the covers. The bed is pretty comfortable, and Yoongi closes his eyes, his back to Seokjin.

A question has been nagging at him for a while, though, and it comes to him again now. The curiosity is strong enough that he turns to lay on his back and keeps his voice low as he asks, “Seokjin-ssi? What exactly happened to Jungkook's parents?”

Seokjin is silent for long enough that Yoongi wonders if he's just refusing to answer. Then he turns to face Yoongi. It's too dark to really see him properly, but it's clear he's hesitating.

“What has Jungkook told you?”

“Nothing, and I haven't asked him about it. I don't want to upset him.” Yoongi had noticed the awkward look Jungkook gets on his face whenever the topic of families gets brought up. He has never mentioned any family to Yoongi at all, and so Yoongi has made sure to steer clear of the topic.

Seokjin is quiet for a few more seconds before hesitantly saying, “Nothing happened, exactly. His parents are just selfish people who never should've had kids.”

Yoongi is sure that that's gonna be the end of it, but then Seokjin sighs.

“When I was in university, I started eating my lunch in a nearby park every day, and I'd often see a grubby teenage boy there. He was skinny and always wearing the same dirty clothes, and I'd think, why isn't he at school right now? He would stare at my lunch, and so one day I brought some extra kimbap rolls and asked him if he wanted some. Before I knew it, Jungkook was sleeping on my couch every night. I was packing his lunch and making sure he got to school. And his parents didn't care.”

Seokjin sounds angry now, as he says, “Their fifteen year old barely comes home, starts living with some stranger he met at the park, and they barely even noticed. They call him sometimes to ask for money, but for the most part there's little contact. I'm his family. Me and Hoseok and Jimin.”

It makes Yoongi's heart hurt, picturing a young baby Jungkook with parents who neglected him. Growing up, it had been hard on Yoongi to feel like his parents were too busy with their own lives to care much about what he did. They’d cared about his grades and his appearance, had scolded him if he got in trouble, but they were never really around too much day to day. All of his basic needs were met, but it still left a scar that Yoongi feels to this day. A permanent feeling of being unwanted. To think that Jungkook had it much, much worse fills Yoongi with rage.

“Fuckers,” Yoongi spits out, and Seokjin quickly hums in agreement.

“He doesn't like talking about it, so it's better if you don't bring it up. I'm not really sure if I should have told you, but he really likes you and looks up to you so… I just hope you can be good to him. He deserves good people in his life.”

“I like him too. He has a good heart.”

“He does. That's why I've tried so hard to keep him away from our world as much as I can. I want to protect him.” Seokjin sighs again and says, “What I'm trying to say is thank you for how you've been treating him and for not… I don't know, hating him for being associated with me or something. Plenty of other people would have.”

Yoongi feels a tug at his heart at that. “I could’ve never hated him,” he says. Maybe he did come in expecting the worst from Jungkook, but he showed Yoongi so much kindness when life had felt like a constant nightmare. “You haven't told him why we had to get married,” Yoongi says, figuring now is as good a time as any to bring it up.

It’s not a question — Yoongi knows he hasn't — but still Seokjin answers, “No.”

“You probably should. I won't tell him, but he's been hanging out with Taehyung. It's bound to come up at some point.”

“I'll tell him,” Seokjin says, but it comes out with no conviction.

Yoongi has more questions, wants to push Seokjin to promise, wants to ask about the flirtatious energy between Jungkook and Taehyung. But all of that would probably lead to a fight, and he's too tired for that. He has already given Taehyung a lecture about not encouraging Jungkook's crush, anyway. Not that Taehyung ever listens, but at least Yoongi tried.

A yawn forces its way out, and so Yoongi pulls up the covers a bit more and says, “Alright. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Seokjin says back, voice soft.

☆☆☆

Yoongi wakes up slowly, awareness only barely just seeping in. He'd slept really well last night, and he isn't ready to give it up just yet. It’s only little by little that he becomes aware of the soft breathing sounds next to him. Seokjin, he remembers, and it's only then that he forces his eyes to open.

Seokjin is sleeping on his side, facing Yoongi. There's a pillow in his arms that he's clutching to his chest like a kid would do with a stuffed animal. He's wearing ridiculous pajamas again. Yoongi has seen him with different pairs around the house, but these seem new. They're pink and silky looking, little white bunnies dotting the fabric.

It's weird how Yoongi knows these things about him now. The types of pajamas he wears. The toothpaste he prefers. The sound of his breathing when he's asleep.

Yoongi doesn't want to know these things about him. He doesn't want to be anywhere near Seokjin at all, doesn’t want their lives to be as entangled as they are. But somehow waking up next to him doesn't feel shocking anymore, and Yoongi knows that he will inevitably pick up more and more things about Seokjin the longer they live together.

The usual sadness and anger doesn't attack him at the thought. Instead his heart just gives a defeated sigh, as if all the fight has gone out of it.

Yoongi sits up. His hand goes to the chain around his neck, fingers touching the warm metal. He hardly notices it now. It has just become something else he's used to. He wonders if it's the same for Seokjin, if the necklace has just become a part of him too.

Down the hall, he can hear the sound of a door closing and opening. Muffled giggles. It looks like the others are awake then.

Seokjin stirs, hugging the pillow closer to himself for a moment before opening his eyes. They instantly land on Yoongi.

Seokjin blinks sleepily before closing his eyes again. “Good morning.”

Yoongi makes an acknowledging grunt and pushes himself out of bed.

☆☆☆

The weekend goes by in a flash. Yoongi and Seokjin often share cooking duties and somehow manage not to murder each other. They share the bed at night with no issues. The tentative truce holds as they hang out by the lake and play games at Jungkook’s request. Jimin insists on being partnered with Yoongi every single time, which is fine except that Jimin is horrible at cheating. Yoongi definitely misses Taehyung then, who is the perfect teammate when trying to lie and cheat their way to victory.

All in all, it’s an alright time. The food is always good. The company isn't half bad. Yoongi snaps a lot of pretty pictures of the landscapes and even manages to squeeze in some time to come up with two new songs.

The only thing is that now Jimin is definitely not afraid of him anymore. He marches into Yoongi’s studio on Monday and automatically starts poking around Yoongi’s stuff, chatting away as if they’ve been friends for years.

“Don’t you have things to do?” Yoongi grumbles as Jimin sprawls out on the little black couch.

“Not really.” Jimin grins and puts his hands behind his head. “The boss won’t be in ‘til three, so I’m all yours until then.”

“Lucky me,” Yoongi says flatly, and Jimin giggles before demanding to hear what demos Yoongi is working on.

It’s… actually not that bad. Yoongi feels proud when Jimin’s mouth drops open as he listens to the most recent demo he had Yeonjun record, and Yoongi’s even a good hyung and buys Jimin lunch afterwards.

When it’s time for him to leave, Jimin stands by the door and jokingly threatens, “I’ll be back,” his face contorting into such a ridiculous expression that Yoongi can’t stop himself from laughing.

A few hours later, there’s another knock on his door, and this time it’s Namjoon who steps inside, looking tired but smiling when he sees Yoongi. He tugs on the top of Yoongi’s beanie playfully, and Yoongi has to remind his stupid somersaulting heart that this is all meaningless.

“Working hard?” Namjoon asks, taking a seat on the couch.

“Always. Unlike my boss who comes in late. You know, this is exactly what is wrong with the world. The rot always starts at the top.”

Namjoon laughs. “You’ve been spying on me?”

“You have a very chatty assistant.”

“Ah, of course. Well, I formally apologize. Please forgive my tardiness and don’t let it become a bad influence for you.” Namjoon’s smile dims as he adds, “I wasn’t really planning on being late. Last night Taehyung and I got into a fight and then this morning we tried to figure it out.”

“Oh,” Yoongi says, suddenly feeling very cold.

“I don’t really know what the hell is going on. Everything was fine, and then it’s like little things between us keep becoming big fights.” Namjoon sighs. “I don’t really know what to do. What do you recommend, hyung? How can I make Taehyung understand where I’m coming from?”

“I don’t know. Taehyung has always done things differently from most people.”

“I know, and that’s what I love about him. But I just feel like sometimes he—”

Yoongi’s phone starts buzzing on the desk, and it’s with a huge sense of gratitude that Yoongi picks it up and answers, “Hello?”

“Hyung,” Jungkook’s voice says. “Sorry to bother you at work, but I’m trying to prep some stuff for dinner and I can’t find the sesame oil. We bought a new bottle recently, didn’t we?”

“I think it’s in the cabinet by the microwave.”

“It is? Why would it be there?” There’s some shuffling sounds, the creak of the cabinet door, and then Jungkook saying, “Ahhh, okay, yes. Here it is. Jin-hyung must’ve gotten lazy putting everything away. Thank you, hyung.”

“No problem. I’ll probably be home in a few hours.”

“Cool, the food will be ready by then.”

“Thanks, see you then.”

“Byeee,” Jungkook says cutely before hanging up.

Namjoon is studying him when he turns back to look at him, his eyebrows furrowed slightly. “Who was that?”

“Jungkook.”

“Hmm. Isn’t it weird living with him?”

“Not really. I don’t mind,” Yoongi says, tone coming out a touch defensive. “I like him.”

“Taehyung has mentioned him a couple of times. He sounds nice, I guess. It’s just — I mean, I’ve never really understood why he lives with Jin-hyung.”

Yoongi shrugs. “We have the space, and it’s nice living with him. There’s no reason for him to move out. He even invited me to his birthday weekend.”

“Is that where you were? I saw the pictures you posted.”

“Yeah.”

“And? Was it weird?”

“A bit, at first,” Yoongi admits. “But Jungkook had a good time. Jimin was there too. It was nice to get out of the city for a bit.”

“And Seokjin-hyung? I’m guessing he was there too.”

“He was. It went fine. He surprised me a bit, actually. He’s really good at cooking. He made Jungkook seaweed soup and a chocolate cake the day of his birthday, but even on other days he and I did most of the cooking. All of the food came out pretty good.”

“He promised to make me seaweed soup once. I was going to turn seventeen, I think. He said he would, but then he didn’t even call to wish me a happy birthday.” Namjoon smiles. It looks anything but happy. “That’s just how hyung is though. He can be charming, but he’s all smoke.”

Yoongi would have easily agreed before, but now he hesitates. Seokjin saw somebody who needed help and he brought Jungkook home and took care of him. Jimin, Hoseok, and Jungkook look at him with adoration written all over their faces. As much as Yoongi hates to admit it, there must be some substance to him. But he also gets where Namjoon is coming from, and Yoongi himself has been collateral damage in Seokjin’s path. It’s all making his thoughts muddy, and so he just gives a noncommittal hum.

An awkward silence stretches out between them. It’s unsettling, and so Yoongi figures getting off the topic is the best solution. He says, “Jimin says Yeonjun’s demo for ‘Dream’ is good. Wanna give it a listen?”

It’s a relief when Namjoon easily lets it go and tells him to hit play.

♡♡♡

[Team Kim Seokjin]

Jimin:
yoongi-hyung looks really cute today ^^

i figured a certain alpha would want to know

Hobi 😚✨🌻:
👀

Jwan:
why would jungkook want to know that

JK:
You should send jin-hyung a picture. I'm sure he would love to see how beautiful his mate looks while hard at work

Jwan:
stop this nonsense immediately

Hobi 😚✨🌻:
jiminie have you joined jungkook's matchmaking cause?

Jimin:
yes!! i think theyre soulmates

seriously theyre like the same person

Jwan:
go get your brain checked immediately

Jimin:
you know how jin-hyung seems really loud but is secretly really quiet??

yoongi-hyung is the same but backwards

Hobi 😚✨🌻:
that’s pretty romantic 🥺🤧😍

Jimin:
wanna join the cause hobi-hyung??

Jwan:
no one is joining anything

yoongi and i have nothing in common

also we're already married so what more do you people want??????

Jimin:
for you to be happy and madly in love 🥰

Hobi 😚✨🌻:
i'm in 🤗

Jwan:
desist

JK:
They're gonna be so cute together

I cant wait

☆☆☆

Yoongi feels like he practically lives in his studio now that it’s officially autumn and they’re getting close to finalizing Yeonjun’s album. They still haven’t settled on a final tracklist, but it’s nearly there. Every day he arrives early and leaves late, hardly managing to sleep in his bed much.

Jimin stops by around noon to drop off an iced americano for him, which is nice and Yoongi feels really grateful — until Jimin suddenly takes out his phone and starts snapping pictures of Yoongi. When Yoongi demands to know why, Jimin only giggles and runs away, which is definitely weird, but Yoongi is too tired and too busy to chase after him.

By late afternoon, he’s still in the studio, though he’s no longer working. Yoongi sits on the couch. Yeonjun sits on the floor across from him, his eyelids a bit droopy. Yoongi really hadn’t thought he’d given him that much whiskey, but then again he hadn’t kept in mind the fact that Yeonjun only recently turned eighteen.

Yeonjun, Yoongi has come to learn, is a fairly open person, and so it shouldn't be a surprise he’s the type to start spilling all of his secrets as soon as he has a bit of alcohol in him.

“I don’t mean to sound ungrateful,” Yeonjun says. “I’m really very happy to debut and it’s been great to have so much say into what I’ll be singing. I’m going to be singing these songs for years, right? So I’m happy, really, but it’s just that, you know, I’ll be alone up there on stage. And I’ll also be alone backstage. And when I was training I just always thought I would be in a group, with other guys to rely on, you know? And — are you an only child, PD-nim?”

“No,” Yoongi replies. The first person who comes to mind isn’t Sunghyun, though. Sunghyun is seven years older and had always been busy shadowing their father, always poised to inherit the company. But Taehyung had always been there, and it's him that Yoongi would fight with, whom he took care of, whom he loves with an intensity that keeps surprising him. Even despite the fact that Taehyung can sometimes act like a spoiled brat, despite the fact that their relationship hasn't yet healed, that Yoongi is still angry and hurt — he knows that Taehyung will always be in his heart.

“Oh, well I am, and it can be really lonely. I really wanted to be in a group and grow close to my members. Like brothers, you know? Especially Soobin — have you met Soobin? Trainee Choi Soobin?”

“No, I haven’t really met any of the other trainees besides you.”

“You’d like him. You would really like him. He is so tall — taller than me! And he’s so handsome. We share a bunk. He has the top bunk. I really thought we were going to debut together. They talked about it for a while, had us test some people out in this five member group, but…” His face expresses such crushing disappointment that Yoongi feels his heart give a painful tug. “They decided I should be solo, and they disbanded the group. They probably won’t ever debut Soobin, and it’s so unfair.”

“If he’s really good, I’m sure they will. Things are always like that in the industry. A lot of trial and error, until finally something clicks.”

“But they won’t,” Yeonjun says miserably, his eyes looking extra glassy now as he stares at Yoongi. “It’s not fair at all — the world isn’t fair. Soobin works so hard and just because he’s an omega, they —” A hand comes up to slap over his mouth immediately.

“Oh, I see,” Yoongi says, Yeonjun's anguish suddenly making sense.

Of course the company would be scared to debut an omega with a group full of alphas. Imagine the scandal if anyone found out. But male omegas can’t debut with female omegas either, what with the perception that male omegas are so sex hungry that they’ll fuck anything that moves. It’s similar for female alphas, though at least a female alpha had debuted in a male alpha group back in the early 2000s. It had been a huge controversy, and the group’s popularity never surpassed its notoriety. Yoongi doesn't remember them making it longer than three years before disbanding. He’s sure there are male omegas in the public eye pretending to be alphas, but it’s a gamble.

“It’s a secret,” Yeonjun says quickly. “Please don’t tell anyone, PD-nim. The company knows but none of the other trainees do. I can’t believe I just blurted it out like that.”

“It’s okay, I won’t tell,” Yoongi promises. “I get it.” The kid still looks broken up over it so Yoongi sighs internally and adds, “I’m an omega too, so I know exactly why your friend doesn’t want it to get around.”

Yeonjun’s eyes widen comically as he stares at Yoongi. It’s clear he never took two seconds to look up Yoongi’s name online. The first thing that still comes up are those stupid Dispatch articles breaking the news that he and Seokjin were allegedly caught kissing in the alley. Yoongi almost laughs.

“Seriously?” Yeonjun asks.

“Yeah. I know I don’t exactly look it—”

“No no! I know all of those stereotypes are bullshit. I’m sorry, I don’t even know why I was surprised. No one ever thinks Soobin is an omega either. They never question why he suddenly goes to visit his family every mating season. Honestly I didn’t notice either. He only told me because I caught him crying one time and — and I promised nothing would change between us. And it really shouldn’t change anything, right? He’s still Soobin. I’m still me.”

“Right. All of that stuff is bullshit. There’s a lot of male omegas in my mother’s family, and all of us are different. It shouldn’t matter.”

Yeonjun nods. “Yeah. I don’t treat him any different. Well, I don’t slap his butt anymore.” He looks embarrassed as he says, “I used to grab his butt a lot, but now I don’t want him to think — I mean, is that bad? Would it be more respectful if I still do it? I never had any bad intentions or anything. He just has a really good ass for smacking. It’s so squishy.”

Yoongi can’t help it: he starts laughing hard.

After a couple of seconds, Yeonjun starts laughing too. “I’m sorry, I’m not usually like this. I will never drink in public, I swear.”

“It’s fine,” Yoongi says, a fond smile still on his lips. “You have a lot of feelings. That’s probably what makes you such a good singer. You put your heart into it, and sometimes with a song, if you don’t have that pain, you can’t properly express it.”

The melody springs into his brain, a mournful piano. The pain he’d put into the music. Your voice kept me warm in the winter, but now that spring is here, you pick flowers for someone else.

He hadn’t thought of ever sharing that song, the pain it contains too personal. And yet looking at Yeonjun now he feels certain he would be able to do it justice.

“Wanna record one more song?” Yoongi asks, already getting to his feet and going to his desk. “Don’t overthink it, okay? Just let yourself feel it and let it come out raw.”

♡♡♡

Jungkook and Taehyung have been spending too much time together, and Seokjin is now officially concerned. Taehyung has started hanging around the gym where Jungkook works. He takes Jungkook out to lunch and coffee and to the movies. A few times Seokjin has even come home to find Taehyung there, playing video games or helping Jungkook fold the laundry. It had felt indescribably strange to see Taehyung folding Seokjin's favorite pair of underwear.

The last time Taehyung had touched his underwear, it had been under very, very different circumstances.

Taehyung and Jungkook are always alone, too. Yoongi is almost never around these days. Seokjin doesn’t believe in the idea that alphas and omegas can’t be friends without something more going on between them — he certainly has nothing but platonic feelings for Hoseok, as wonderful as his best friend is. But he knows Jungkook, and he can tell that his baby crush has now solidified into genuine feelings.

As much as he doesn’t want to, he’s going to have to talk to him. He just… has to figure out how.

He feels surprised when he steps out of his room one Monday morning and sees Yoongi in the kitchen. He has his french press out, a bag of coffee in hand. Jungkook had mentioned something about Yoongi working late a lot because he was finishing up an album, and Seokjin can plainly see that he really has been working hard. He looks tired.

This might be the only time Seokjin has to talk to him about this, so he bravely goes into the kitchen and says, “Good morning, Yoongi.”

He gets only an acknowledging hum in reply which seems good enough.

“So. Have you noticed that Taehyung has been hanging out with Jungkook a lot?”

Yoongi puts down the coffee bag and turns to Seokjin. “What?”

“Taehyung. Doesn’t he have better things to do than hang out with our Kookie?” Like hanging out with Namjoon, Seokjin thinks bitterly.

“I don't think he does.”

“Look, Jungkook has feelings for him, and I don’t want Taehyung breaking his heart.”

Yoongi sighs and says, “I’ve already talked to him about it. A while ago, actually, but I guess he completely ignored me like usual.”

“I don’t like it.”

“I don’t either, but what can we do? Taehyung tends to fixate on a person for a while and then move on when he gets bored.” He shoots Seokjin a meaningful look that makes it clear he considers Seokjin to have been one of those people.

Seokjin bites back the urge to insist that things with Taehyung ended mutually — a beautifully mutual agreement in fact! — and forces himself to focus. He crosses his arms. “Well it would be better if he moved on sooner rather than later this time. What does Namjoon think of this? He’s fine with Taehyung spending all of his time with another alpha?”

It’s a mistake to bring up Namjoon; Seokjin can see that instantly. Yoongi’s entire posture changes, a frown taking over his face. Fuck, it’s too early in the morning for this.

“It’s a serious question,” Seokjin says defensively. “I just find it weird that Taehyung has so much free time when he has a mate he should be spending his time with.”

“I don’t know. Things with them — they’re going through some weird rough patch.”

“Seriously? What has Taehyung told you?”

“Nothing. I’ve barely seen him lately. Namjoon is the one who keeps bringing it up.” Yoongi sounds bitter, and Seokjin can’t hold back a flinch.

That must fucking suck. Seokjin can picture it clearly, Yoongi bending himself backwards for Namjoon yet again. Listening to the man he loves tell him all about his marital troubles. “That’s shitty,” Seokjin says, meaning it sympathetically.

But Yoongi scowls like Seokjin just insulted him, and before anything else can be said to salvage this, Yoongi spits out, “Yeah, shitty that you’ll finally have to tell Jungkook the truth about how you fucked the guy he has a crush on.”

Seokjin isn’t surprised, already knew Yoongi would hurl an attack, but it still stings. “Yes, you got me there. Just like you don’t want anyone to know you’re in love with your cousin’s mate, huh? We all have things we don’t like about ourselves, I guess.”

Yoongi’s glare could cut glass as they stare at each other, both daring the other to be the first to back down. Seokjin’s heart races, an awful feeling entering his stomach. Guilt. It was a stupid and childish thing to say, heartless to do after Yoongi just said Namjoon has been using him to complain about Taehyung.

He’s about to mumble an apology when suddenly Yoongi stomps out of the kitchen, their shoulders knocking together. Seokjin sighs, a hand coming up to hide his face. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He’s no closer to solving the Taehyung problem, and now Yoongi has a new trophy to add to his ‘I hate Seokjin’ collection.

He hears the front door slam just one moment later.

When he lowers his hand, his eyes immediately land on the coffee Yoongi left on the counter. Great. Another thing for Seokjin to feel bad about. He briefly wonders if he could get Jimin to buy Yoongi a coffee without asking questions, but no, Jimin would probably use that as evidence that he and Yoongi are meant to be or whatever.

No, Seokjin will just have to make it up to him later. Somehow. He can only handle one problem at a time, and so he takes out his phone and asks Jungkook to join him for lunch.

Yoongi is right in that Seokjin has put this off long enough. He can’t forbid Jungkook from hanging around Taehyung, but he can at least be honest with him.

He takes him to a restaurant he knows Jungkook likes, hoping it will win him some points. He waits until Jungkook has already had a few mouthfuls to say, “So, listen. I think we need to talk about Taehyung. I’ve noticed you’re spending a lot of time with him.”

Jungkook seems to shrink instantly. “I know what you're going to say."

"You do?"

"It's not like that."

"...It's not?" Seokjin asks, lost but willing to see where Jungkook is going with this.

"I know he's married, and we are just friends. I'm not trying to do anything bad, hyung, I swear. He needs a friend right now, and I want to be there for him. That’s all."

"As a friend?"

"Just as a friend."

"But you like him."

Jungkook’s face reddens. “I do. But it’s just a small crush, and I'm working on getting over it.”

Seokjin wants to ask a million questions, but he knows he’s stalling. He has to get this over with. Fuck.

“Look, JK, that’s good and everything, but that’s not exactly what I wanted to talk about. Well, it’s sort of adjacent to that. I just wanted to tell you something because it might come up later and I don't want you to be caught by surprise. See… Taehyung and I…”

Fuck, why is this so hard? Jungkook has stopped eating completely, a tiny frown creasing his forehead. Alright, he’s gotta just come out and say it.

“I knew him before he married my brother. I’ve actually known him for a while. Around two years ago, for a very short time, we sort of… dated.”

That’s a little bit of a lie, but Seokjin can already feel his ears going bright red. He braces himself for a number of reactions, but instead Jungkook looks relieved.

“Oh, I already knew that,” Jungkook says with a laugh.

“What do you mean you knew?!”

“Taehyungie-hyung told me. Plus I remembered you mentioning a Taehyung back then, so I was already putting it together anyway.” Jungkook shrugs. “It’s fine. You’re with Yoongi-hyung now.”

“I’m not with — wait, wait, what else has Taehyung told you?”

Jungkook’s smiles with an air of smugness and says, “Just that you used to date for a little bit but that nothing came of it. That you were nice and funny, but that I’m funnier.”

“What a bunch of nonsense,” Seokjin scoffs, pretending to be annoyed while his insides unclench.

Now would be a good time, perhaps the perfect time, to tell Jungkook the whole truth. The part that both Seokjin and Taehyung are deeply embarrassed to admit. They gambled their futures just for a few seconds of chasing an old thrill, and now here they are, living with the consequences. Seokjin’s at least pretty confident that Taehyung hasn’t told Namjoon the truth, otherwise he’d have a very angry little brother at his doorstep.

But Seokjin can’t bring himself to say it. He watches as Jungkook resumes eating, big enthusiastic bites and too loud mmmmm’s. He will have to tell Jungkook the full truth one day, but it just won’t be today.

Chapter Text

☆☆☆

The deadline for Yeonjun’s album is near, and Yoongi can’t remember ever feeling this stressed. He’s constantly worrying about the songs and the public's reaction to them. He second guesses details, suddenly losing love for songs he’d been proud of just hours before. Sleeping feels impossible, and yet he never feels entirely awake either.

Life outside of his studio has basically ceased to exist. Yoongi might be losing his mind just a little, but the one bright spot is the amount of time he has been able to spend with Namjoon. Every time that Yoongi is close to collapsing with self doubt, Namjoon is there to listen and lend support. He's generous with his praise, and the air of authority he has learned to wield helps Yoongi let go a little. If Namjoon says it’s good then it’s good, and Yoongi can relax just a tiny bit by putting his trust in Namjoon’s opinion.

In between the stress, they still find pockets of time to joke around or to chat like they used to. As much as it makes Yoongi happy to bask in Namjoon's attention once again, there's something bittersweet about it too. When Namjoon brings him his favorite drinks, when they grab a quick dinner and Namjoon automatically knows Yoongi's order, when it feels like Namjoon is the only one who truly understands the sound that Yoongi is trying to capture — countless little moments remind Yoongi of what he lost.

Namjoon should have been his. It's all still there, trapped inside his ribcage: the endless want. Yoongi doesn't know how to stop wishing for more than this. He doesn’t know how to stop the sting of rejection or the guilt that sometimes springs up when he remembers that Namjoon’s is Taehyung’s mate.

Sometimes, like when Jimin hangs around the studio with them late in the afternoon, it's not too bad. Jimin and Namjoon have developed a fun rapport with each other that helps to distract from both the stress and the constant ache of heartbreak. Other times Yoongi feels as if it's all going to kill him. Such as right now, as his father-in-law sits in on one of the countless meetings scheduled to coordinate the album's release.

Kim Youngchul has never said anything negative about Yoongi suddenly being one of the producers, but Yoongi can’t help but feel mortifyingly anxious as he watches his father-in-law listen attentively to the songs they’re considering so far. Yoongi wants to prove himself, wants to show him that he’s worthy of this job. That Namjoon was right in bringing him on. He feels slightly nauseated the entire meeting, but in the end, Youngchul just smiles and nods and says he thinks they’re going in the right direction.

“Yoongi,” Youngchul says when the room has mostly emptied out except for him, Yoongi, and Namjoon. “It’s nice to see you. How have you been?”

“Hello, father-in-law.” He bows and answers, “I’ve been well. We’ve been working hard to get Yeonjun’s album finished and make it the best it can be.”

“The songs sound great. You're very talented.”

“Thank you,” Yoongi says with a smile, relief flooding his lungs. “How have you been, sir?”

“Wonderful, thank you. How’s my son?”

“He’s good,” Yoongi says, a hand coming up to nervously fiddle with his earring before he stops himself and forces it back down. In truth, he has no idea how Seokjin is. They’ve been avoiding each other even more than usual ever since the fight in the kitchen.

It helps that Yoongi is hardly ever in the apartment these days, but if they do happen to see each other, Yoongi is quick to walk away so that he doesn't have to see Seokjin’s stupid face or hear whatever bullshit he wants to spew out now. The only cost has been these sad little faces Jungkook will make right before Yoongi leaves the room.

“Tell him to give his old man a call once in a while,” Youngchul says. “I imagine he’s very busy, but he must have at least a few minutes to spare.”

“I will,” Yoongi lies. He sneaks a glance at Namjoon and is surprised to find him looking back, his eyebrows slightly pinched together. Yoongi quickly looks away.

Youngchul says, “I believe he’s working on a movie right now, isn’t he? I saw the announcement.”

“Yes, it’s set to begin filming very soon. He’ll have to travel to Malta for it.” Jungkook had told Yoongi all about it the last time they’d had a midnight dinner together, joking that they would have an entire month to eat garlic for every meal. Yoongi is really looking forward to it.

“Good, good. Malta is very beautiful. I'm sure you'll love it.”

“Yoongi-hyung isn't going,” Namjoon cuts in, sounding almost offended.

“You're not?” Youngchul looks genuinely surprised. “Why? I’m sure Namjoon will give you the time off, if that’s your concern.”

Yoongi feels a swirl of annoyance and embarrassment, and he has to push down the urge to send Namjoon a glare. “I’m not able to go,” Yoongi says, plastering on a smile and hoping he doesn't look as flustered as he feels. “We couldn’t work it into our plans.”

“Ah, that’s a shame,” his father-in-law says, and Yoongi could sigh with relief that his half-assed excuse wasn’t prodded at. “Hopefully you'll get to go next time Seokjin's abroad. You’ll probably miss him a lot while he’s away, but such is the life of an actor. There's plenty to keep you busy here, I'm sure.” He gives Yoongi a smile and pats his shoulder. “It was good seeing you. Take care of yourself now. You look tired. Proper rest is important.”

Yoongi feels himself blush, wondering how sleep deprived he must look to earn that comment, but he still bows and says his goodbye as politely as possible.

Namjoon follows Yoongi back to his studio, that pinched expression still on his face. It puts Yoongi on edge, and as soon as the door is closed, he demands to know, “What was that?”

“What? What was what?”

“Why did you tell your father I wasn't going to Malta?”

“Because you're not?” Namjoon frowns like he doesn’t get it. “Did I do something wrong?”

“You didn't have to jump in and talk for me. I don’t want him to know that—” Yoongi cuts himself off, feeling too many emotions rise quickly to the surface. He doesn’t want the most powerful man in this company to know that he and Seokjin aren’t even speaking right now. He doesn’t want him to know that Seokjin would probably rather quit acting altogether than take Yoongi with him abroad. Something like humiliation threatens to choke him and Yoongi has to swallow quickly to be able to say, “Just — let me handle it on my own next time.”

Namjoon’s shoulders hunch in slightly as he says, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t really thinking. It just made me mad that he assumed you would drop everything to follow Seokjin-hyung around. You’re not his property.”

“Of course I’m not,” Yoongi says, bringing a hand up to rub at his forehead. He still feels tense and like his brain is made of cotton candy from the lack of sleep. “But you know how most people think, and I don’t want to offend your father. I feel nervous enough talking to him already. If he thought I was rude on top of being a slut, I really wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

“Hyung.” Namjoon steps closer, looking angry again. “That’s not — don’t say things like that about yourself.”

“It’s what everyone thinks.”

Namjoon’s jaw clenches, but he can’t deny it. So he has definitely heard the way people gossip about Yoongi, then. Probably from his mother. Another pang of hurt goes through him.

“But you’re not,” Namjoon says.

“Why not?” Yoongi challenges, a part of him enjoying the way the knife twists in the wound. Enjoying the way Namjoon only grows more distressed. He feels like shit, and in this dark mood, it feels good to not feel completely powerless. “It’s not like I’m an untouched virgin. I slept around.”

It’s an exaggeration, but it does the job of making Namjoon lean away, as if the words were a blow. Good. Yoongi doesn’t want to be seen as helpless and weak, even if his heart protests that he is ruining everything.

“I know,” Namjoon says. “But there’s nothing wrong with that. I did too. It shouldn’t be different just because you’re an omega and I’m an alpha.”

“But it is different. Everyone—”

“Let them think whatever they want, but don’t you think badly of yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong. You just…” Namjoon loses steam, his eyes searching Yoongi’s face for something. Yoongi can barely stand it. His eyes are too soft despite Yoongi being in such a foul mood. “You couldn’t have known your privacy was going to be invaded like that,” Namjoon settles on saying. “It wasn’t your fault.”

It wasn’t his fault at all. Yoongi looks away, feeling like he’ll crumble any second now. It’s all too much. He bites at his lip and clenches his hands to get a hold of himself.

“And… you didn’t, did you, hyung? It was only a kiss, wasn’t it? You never slept with my brother.”

A self-destructive urge wants him to say that he did. He wants to throw out that grenade, wants to watch it blow up, wants to see what exactly would happen. But his heart finally wins, taking the wheel at last, and he shakes his head and forces out, “I didn’t sleep with him.”

Namjoon lets out a relieved breath, and Yoongi is this close to losing it again. Namjoon says, “I knew that. Deep down, I knew you hadn’t. He tricked you, didn’t he?”

“No,” Yoongi says more harshly than he means to. Taehyung was the one who was tricked, but Yoongi can’t say that. He can’t be honest. It’s better to just shut this down as quickly as possible. “I don’t want to talk about him. Can we just — can we drop it? I don’t even know how we ended up talking about this.”

“Fine,” Namjoon says as Yoongi marches over to his computer chair and all but collapses into it. When Yoongi gestures towards the couch, Namjoon obediently takes a seat too. “But can I just say one more thing?”

Yoongi grunts his agreement, waving his hand for Namjoon to proceed.

“My father likes you. He’s told me so himself. He thinks you’re very talented, and he doesn’t think any less of you because of what happened. I can promise you that.” A gloomy look crosses Namjoon’s face and his voice carries some bitterness as he adds, “You were always great at handling my parents.”

“What’s with that face?”

“I just — I don’t understand why you were perfectly capable of getting along with them but Taehyung finds it impossible to even pretend to. Last night we were supposed to have dinner with them, but we got into a stupid fight right before we had to leave and then he just refused to go.”

Yoongi instantly worries. “He fights with your parents?”

“He and my mother don’t get along. She has high expectations, and Taehyung takes it really personally.”

Yoongi is well aware of her high expectations. He had fully expected her to come into his and Namjoon’s apartment after the wedding to tell him exactly where everything should go. Yoongi would have complied to keep her happy, but Taehyung…

Yoongi sighs and says, “Yeah, I can imagine.”

“I just — I don’t know what to do anymore, hyung. It’s like we can’t go a day without some stupid little thing making us argue. Can you talk to him? If anyone can make him understand, it’s you.”

Yoongi’s insides squeezes painfully. He doesn’t want to be in the middle of this. So far, Taehyung hasn’t talked to him about it, which is a small blessing but also worrying. Taehyung had always told him everything before. Growing up, there was never a secret that wasn’t shared with Yoongi, but the rift between them has grown into a chasm.

Yoongi’s heart gives a painful squeeze. He doesn’t want to, but he nods. “I’ll talk to him.”

***

The family story goes that Taehyung took his first steps because he wanted to follow Yoongi around. In all of Taehyung’s important memories, Yoongi is there. When he lost his first tooth, when he learned to drive, family vacations to Paris — Taehyung has always had Yoongi.

They were together when they got the news that Taehyung’s parents had gone missing. Together when their bodies were finally found. Together at the funeral, and it was Yoongi’s tight arm around him that kept Taehyung from collapsing.

Taehyung is an only child, but he has never really felt like one. Not when Yoongi has always been his, always around, their hearts beating in sync. Not once did he ever think that something could tear them apart. That there could be a limit.

But now…

Taehyung sits in their empty apartment and wishes he could travel back in time. He wishes he could stop himself from ever going to that play with Namjoon. He wishes he had ignored Namjoon’s texts. He wishes he could go back and stop himself from asking Yoongi, “Are you in love with Namjoon-hyung?”

Yoongi hadn’t said yes.

Taehyung had allowed himself to think it would be fine, that things would work themselves out. It was just a business agreement between two families, right? That’s all they were breaking. Yoongi would see that he and Namjoon really loved each other. Taehyung had deluded himself into thinking that perhaps Yoongi would even be happy for them once the shock of the news was over.

Maybe that would’ve happened had things been different. Maybe if Taehyung hadn’t ruined it all, Yoongi would still be by his side. Perhaps the universe had put Seokjin there as a warning, a test that Taehyung was meant to fail. Namjoon is not for you, the universe had said, and Taehyung hadn’t listened.

Their apartment is big. Taehyung hates the way his loneliness echoes through the empty space. No matter how much he tries, he can’t make this place feel like home. Perhaps if he’d gotten pregnant like they’d planned, if he had a little baby here to take up his time, maybe then it wouldn’t be so bad. They’d been so excited to be young parents, but his heat had come early and they’d had no luck in the months that followed. Maybe if he’d gotten pregnant Namjoon would make an effort to come home for dinner, and Taehyung wouldn’t have to eat alone.

He’s so sick of eating alone.

It’s a bad morning. The grey feeling was there as soon as he woke up, pushing away all of the color inside him. Namjoon must’ve left very early, something he has been doing a lot lately. He probably wants to avoid Taehyung as much as he can.

Taehyung knows that if he keeps sitting on the couch all day this hollow feeling will only get worse, but it’s hard to bring himself to move when nothing really feels like it matters. If only Yoongi could be here with him right now…

A time machine, he thinks, his mind fixated on the idea lately. He wants to go back to before all of this. Rewind the months to have Yoongi back. Rewind the years to be able to run into his father’s arms again. Rewind it all back. He wants to be a kid again, spending endless summer days with Yoongi. He wants the adventures and mischief only little kids can have. He wants to hear his father call them inside to eat dinner. He wants his mother to tuck him into bed, safe and loved.

The knock on his door surprises him, and it’s with a seed of hope that he hurries to answer it. There’s only one person who would come here. He must’ve received the call Taehyung’s heart has been sending out. It can only be—

“Hyung,” Taehyung says with a grin as he opens the door.

Yoongi stands there on the other side, an answer to Taehyung’s wish.

“Hey,” Yoongi says, stepping in and taking off his shoes.

“You’re here. Why did you come? Did you feel it?”

“Feel what?”

“Our telepathy. I was calling for you in my heart. I brought you here.”

Yoongi looks at Taehyung, amusement in his eyes for only a second. The warmth fades quickly, and Taehyung feels the grey rise up again as he remembers that this isn't the Yoongi from before. The Yoongi that would comfort him. The Yoongi that loved him.

“Namjoon sent me, actually,” Yoongi says. “We have to talk.”

Taehyung reluctantly follows Yoongi to the couch, where they both sit down. Yoongi is annoyed but trying to hide it. Taehyung can tell.

“What’s going on with you and Namjoon?” Yoongi asks, and Taehyung can’t look at him.

His insides burn hot with shame. He shakes his head and says, “Nothing's going on.”

Yoongi huffs, frustrated, and it hurts. “He’s worried about you. Is this about dealing with his parents? Because I can help you with that, give you some advice.”

Yes, it’s about that, but not entirely. It’s about the fact that nothing Taehyung does is ever good enough. It’s about how Taehyung is always being unreasonable, always being overdramatic, always doing too much. It’s about how Namjoon looks at him with disappointment, and Taehyung is constantly apologizing for being the wrong shape.

Everything about Namjoon feels grey these days, and slowly, bit by bit, the love they once had is draining away.

But how can he tell Yoongi that? How can he, when Yoong has made it very clear that Namjoon’s feelings are more important. How can he, when their hearts no longer beat in sync.

Taehyung mumbles, “I really don’t want to talk about it, hyung.”

Yoongi’s lips are pressed together in annoyance when Taehyung finally looks up. He feels himself shrink even smaller. Yoongi is here, right in front of him, but Taehyung has never missed him more.

He wants the Yoongi that kept him together when his entire world fell apart. He wants the Yoongi that would grumble whenever Taehyung pulled him into a hug but never let go first.

“I’m sorry, I just —” Taehyung takes a deep breath, feeling like his lungs are close to collapsing. It hurts, it hurts, it all hurts. “I have to deal with this on my own. Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad,” Yoongi says, but he is. Taehyung knows he is. “You shouldn’t deal with this on your own, though. I’m here. I can help you.”

You’re not here, Taehyung wants to say, but he holds it back. He wouldn’t know how to explain it if Yoongi asked what he meant. There’s too much he can’t say. A hundred apologies that wouldn’t be enough.

“Can we just hang out?” Taehyung asks. He doesn’t want to be alone. “Have you eaten yet? We can order some food.”

“If you’re not gonna talk, I’m gonna go,” Yoongi says, standing up. “I have a lot to do today.”

“Oh.” Taehyung forces himself to nod. “Okay. Some other time, then?”

“Sure,” Yoongi says, but somehow it sounds like a no.

Hug me, hug me, please, hyung, hug me, Taehyung’s heart sends out, but Yoongi’s doesn’t receive the message. Yoongi leaves with one last look at Taehyung that holds nothing but ice.

Alone again. Empty except for the grey inside him. The apartment feels like the mouth of a shark, dangerous and ready to swallow him whole, and Taehyung has to get out of here — quick.

He doesn’t belong here. He is sure of that as he hurries to put on enough layers to fight the October chill outside. Yoongi should be the one living in this apartment. Taehyung just got in the way.

Yoongi would have fit perfectly into Namjoon's life. Every stupid fight they have could easily boil down to that. Why aren't you, Yoongi? Namjoon's eyes always seem to say. His mother too always seems frustrated with the fact that Taehyung replaced her perfect son-in-law. Nothing Taehyung does is ever right, and there’s no fixing it.

There’s only one thing that helps when Taehyung feels like this. He checks the time before sending the text. His early morning class should be ending soon.

[Jungkookie]

Taehyung:
Can I come over?

There’s something magical about Jungkook. Taehyung still hasn’t figured out how he does it, how he takes away the grey so effortlessly. Maybe it’s his eyes, always so full of kindness. Maybe it’s the way his smiles are soft and gentle. It’s only with Jungkook that Taehyung can see colors again.

Taehyung has met plenty of cool and interesting people throughout his life. Both of his parents were artists, and Taehyung has always integrated himself into eclectic circles. Somehow, no one even comes close to Jungkook. He's effortlessly cool while also being adorably shy, and it's easy to get lost in his mysteries and let everything else fade away.

They spend much of their time joking around and laughing. With him, Taehyung can breathe again, he can be himself again. And in vulnerable moments, when Taehyung can't hold it in anymore, Jungkook always listens attentively, his eyes welling with tears whenever Taehyung cries. Laughing together, crying together, sometimes it feels as if Jungkook is an angel sent to rescue him from his own mess.

Taehyung:
Jungkookie?

Taehyung frowns at his phone as he nears Jungkook’s apartment. He always responds quickly, and it feels strange for his messages to be ignored for this long. Jungkook is usually home by now. A call goes straight to voicemail. Perhaps he forgot to charge his phone or he fell asleep.

It’s with a tug of worry that he goes up the elevator to Jungkook’s floor. Another call that goes to voicemail.

Taehyung sighs and puts his phone in his pocket. He goes to Jungkook’s door and knocks. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if no one answers. Maybe just sit out here and wait.

He’s trying to find a comfortable looking spot on the floor when the door opens. Seokjin’s eyes widen when sees Taehyung.

“Hi, hyung,” Taehyung says, forcing a smile. “I’m just here to see Jungkook.”

“He’s not here. I’m not sure where he went, exactly. Did you try calling him?”

“Yeah, but he didn’t answer.”

Seokjin rolls his eyes. “Typical. He puts his phone on silent all the time and then forgets to turn it back on. I don’t even know how many times I’ve gotten on to him about it.” He takes another good look at Taehyung and then asks, “Do you wanna come in and wait for him?”

Taehyung nods, feeling his eyes sting with tears as his insides go from grey to blue. His heart sits in a puddle of disappointment, and it’s spreading everywhere. He wants to see Jungkook. He wants to feel even just a tiny bit better.

He plops down on the couch with a heavy sigh. Seokjin lingers by the hallway for a moment, hesitating, before taking a seat too. Taehyung doesn't blame him. They haven't been alone together since that disastrous day, and it feels a bit strange now.

Seokjin clears his throat and asks, “So, how have you been?”

“Um, not that good. Things have been pretty hard lately. I keep wishing I could just have one more hug from my dad, you know?”

Seokjin hums in understanding, settling back into the couch. “Yeah, I get it,” Seokjin says, and it's comforting to know that he really does.

Seokjin had recently lost his mother when they first started sleeping together, and it had added a special layer to their friendship to share something even more vulnerable than sex. They consoled each other about the grief they carry everywhere, always deep at the center, ready to leak out without a moment's notice.

“Hyung, I'm…” He sighs deeply and allows his tears to come up to the surface. He wouldn't be surprised if he caught his reflection and saw that he had turned completely blue on the outside too. “I'm sorry for everything that happened. I should've said that to you earlier.”

“How are you apologizing to me when it was my idea? It should be the other way around.”

Taehyung shakes his head and admits,”I wanted to follow you. The more I think about that day, the more I wish I had seen it for what it was. A huge warning to not marry Namjoon-hyung.”

“Is it really that bad? I can beat him up for you if you'd like. No questions asked.” Seokjin puts up both fists and doesn't look even a little threatening doing so.

Despite the tears, Taehyung laughs. “No, that's okay. It's not his fault. It's mine.”

“Nonsense. Namjoon doesn't deserve you.”

Another huff of laughter. “You don't know that.”

“Of course I do. I'm looking at you right now. An alpha should take care of his mate and do everything possible to make sure he's happy. Namjoon isn't doing that for you, and therefore he doesn't deserve you.”

Taehyung's heart sinks. He doesn't believe it's as simple as that, but he also isn't asking Namjoon for too much, is he? Just a bit more time together. Just to let Taehyung be himself without having to force himself into Yoongi's shape.

“Look, uh, I've been meaning to ask. Does Namjoon know about… you and me?” Seokjin asks, looking like he doesn’t really want to hear the answer.

“He knows we used to sleep together. That came up pretty early when we first started talking. But I haven’t told him about…”

“Right. I figured you hadn’t.”

“I don’t think he’d forgive me if I did. He would hate me.”

“I won’t tell him, and Yoongi won’t either.” Seokjin’s eyes narrow slightly into a glare as he adds, “The last thing Yoongi wants is for Namjoon to get hurt.”

Taehyung knows that. Yoongi has always been deeply selfless with the people he loves. Taehyung has always admired him for that — it's definitely not a trait that Taehyung possesses. Yoongi had always called him spoiled growing up, and perhaps he is. He has never been able to give up something he wants. It's in his nature to hold on tighter.

It's why he's in this mess. If he had just let go of Namjoon in time…

Seokjin says, “To be honest, I still don't really understand how you ended up with him. What exactly was it about him that drew you in? How did it happen? He doesn't seem like your type.”

“I don’t know. He started texting me after he went back to New York, and he was so… poetic. And smart. At first I wasn’t sure if we were flirting or if I was imagining it, but then he told me he liked me. We waited a little bit to see if the feelings would fade, not telling anyone in case they did, but when they didn’t… that’s when we decided we wanted to get married and start a family.”

“How did Yoongi take it?”

“He said he was happy for us.” Taehyung feels guilt spread through his chest, squeezing his lungs, as his brain conjures up that image of Yoongi sitting so terribly still as they told him. He wasn’t happy for them. Taehyung knows he wasn’t, and he’s not sure now how he was able to convince himself it would be fine. How could he have ignored every single warning sign the universe gave him? He wipes at his wet face, sniffling. “If I could go back now, though, I would have called it all off. I don’t think I was ever really meant to be Namjoon-hyung’s mate. He should have married Yoongi-hyung. They would've made each other happy.”

Seokjin frowns. “Well that’s not what happened. Yoongi is my mate and Namjoon is yours, and looking back won't get us anywhere.”

“I know, but I just… I want…” Taehyung feels more frustrated tears escape as his brain refuses to put words to the feelings he drowns in most days. That feeling of being cornered. Of being trapped. Like he was plopped into a dollhouse and expected to stay motionless as someone else speaks for him and dictates his every move. With a sigh, Taehyung gives up and asks instead, “Are you and Yoongi-hyung still fighting a lot?”

“No.”

“That's good. I was really worried. I know you two never got along, but I always thought you could be friends, if you gave each other a chance.”

“I never had a problem with him. He was the one who never liked me.”

“You always liked teasing him.”

“No I didn’t.” When Taehyung shoots him a look, he says, “I was just being friendly. But whatever, it’s fine. We hardly ever see each other. Look, how about we do something else, huh? Enough with this sadness.” Seokjin claps his hands together and stands up. “You've had years to improve at Mario Kart. Let's see how you do.”

☆☆☆

Yoongi stomps his way out of the elevator feeling so fucking frustrated with the world. He forgot his hard drive this morning since he was in a hurry to go talk to Taehyung — which was basically a giant waste of time. He spilled his coffee all over the lobby at work, and he kept putting his stupid passcode to his studio wrong so it locked him out for twenty minutes! And now he’s here, after all of that, to get his stupid hard drive, wasting the precious amount of time he has to finish up ‘Spring Mourning’ in time for the album deadline.

As soon as he opens the door, he can hear laughter from the living room and Seokjin’s usual yells from whenever he plays video games. It takes a second, but then he freezes in his tracks. That deep laugh isn’t from Jungkook or Hoseok. He’d know that laugh anywhere.

Taehyung is in the living room with Seokjin sitting next to him. He looks away from the TV long enough to glance at Yoongi and gloat, “I’m winning!”

“He’s cheating!” Seokjin whines, and it makes Taehyung laugh again.

Yoongi feels completely frozen watching the two of them. They sit here, goofing off, not a care in the world. And suddenly Yoongi feels his bad mood go from pissed to furious.

He’s not sure what he would’ve done had the door not opened again and Jungkook’s voice called out, “You won’t believe what happened today!” His pouting face instantly lights up when he sees Taehyung.

“Jungkook!” Taehyung says, abandoning the game with Seokjin and ignoring his complaining wails. “Where have you been? I called you, but you didn’t answer.”

“Ah, I’m sorry, hyung. I broke my phone! I was at work and I just” — he acts out fumbling with his phone, trying to catch it on the way down, and then kicking it. “It probably would’ve been fine if I had just let it fall to the floor, but I kicked it right into a fucking concrete wall. It’s completely shattered. It won’t even turn on.”

“You’re too strong for your own good,” Seokjin says, finally pausing his stupid game.

“I’m surprised to see you here during the day, Yoongi-hyung,” Jungkook says. “Did you finish the album already?”

“No, I just forgot something. I have to head back.”

“I have to buy a new phone, I guess,” Jungkook says with a grimace.

“I’ll come with you,” Taehyung says, coming to stand next to Jungkook and giving his shoulder a comforting squeeze. “Let’s go get you a new one.” Taehyung pauses and looks at Yoongi. There’s something heavy in his gaze, the smile he had been giving Jungkook just seconds ago completely gone from his face.

Yoongi has no idea what Taehyung is thinking, not even a guess. Had he interrupted something between him and Seokjin when he walked in? Have they been hanging out together this whole time without Yoongi knowing?

He watches silently as Jungkook and Taehyung leave. He watches as Seokjin turns back to the TV with his controller in hand, fully intending to return to the game. Yoongi feels himself practically vibrating with rage. He can barely even get himself to think rationally. Maybe if Yoongi’s day hadn’t been shit he could’ve gotten himself to drop it, but his day was shit — and it’s not even noon yet!

So Yoongi asks, “Why were you alone here with Taehyung?”

Seokjin blinks at the TV, looking utterly confused, before even turning to look at Yoongi. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“Yeah, and you heard him, didn’t you? He was looking for Jungkook so he came here.”

“You should’ve told him he wasn’t home.”

“Yes, I did tell him that, but he was really upset when he got here. He looked like he was about to burst into tears, and then he did start crying and talking about missing his parents. I was just trying to cheer him up.”

“In the future, just don’t.”

“Why not? He’s my friend. I’m not going to turn him away when he needs someone.”

Yoongi had offered to be that someone just hours ago, and Taehyung had said no. He’d come here to see Jungkook, fine, but he stayed with Seokjin. Alone.

Yoongi says, “Well you should’ve turned him away. Stay the fuck away from him.”

“Why, you think I’m trying to fuck him?”

“Of course that’s what I think.”

Seokjin looks properly angry now as he stands up. “It’s not like that between us anymore.”

“And you expect me to believe that? You two stopped seeing each other a long time ago and yet look what happened. Apparently it’s too hard for you two to keep your hands off each other, seeing how—”

“Fine! The next time Taehyung shows up crying, I’ll tell him to fuck off and close the door in his face. Would that make you happy? Instead of talking to me about his marital problems with Namjoon, he can talk to you so you can keep sacrificing yourself for them. That’s your whole thing, isn’t it? Sorry to deprive you of your little martyr role.”

Rage boils inside of Yoongi. His hands clench into fists as he tries to hold it all in, as angry tears begin to prick the back of his eyes. He hates Seokjin. He hates him so fucking much, and worst of all, he hates the fact that there's truth in his words.

He hates that even now, when he can’t tell what Taehyung is thinking, when Taehyung could be fucking up his life all over again, his instinct is still to step in and protect him.

Yoongi grits out, “Just stay the fuck away from him,” and walks away before he further humiliates himself in front of Seokjin.

♡♡♡

It shouldn’t matter, Seokjin tells himself but can’t get himself to believe it.

He tosses and turns in the dark, his bed unwelcoming. He has been trying to sleep for hours now, but sleep won’t come. He can’t get comfortable, not when his brain keeps haunting him with this most recent fight with Yoongi.

It shouldn’t matter that he made Yoongi upset. Why should he care, when Yoongi never cares about hurting Seoking’s feelings? It’s only fair. Yoongi doesn’t get to dictate who he is friends with.

It shouldn’t matter, but it does.

Yoongi is unhappy, and somewhere deep inside, Seokjin feels it eat him up.

☆☆☆

[Park Jimin]

Park Jimin:
lunch time hyung!! ill be at your door in 10 minutes

Yoongi:
I’m busy

Park Jimin:
7 minutes!! be ready!! ^^

☆☆☆

“Ah, seriously, what would you do without me?” Jimin says as he drags Yoongi along into the Hybe cafeteria.

“I can feed myself.”

“Then why don’t you, huh? Your songs would probably sound better if your brain was properly fueled, y’know.”

“I resent that,” Yoongi grumbles but accepts the tray Jimin hands him.

He wonders yet again how it is that Jimin became his friend. It’s like Jimin just decided on it after Jungkook’s birthday weekend, and now he’s constantly around, dropping by Yoongi’s studio and bossing him around as if he’s the hyung here.

It’s kind of nice, though Yoongi will never admit that out loud.

Jimin is funny, and it’s been interesting getting to know him. He told Yoongi all about his life growing up, how much he loved to dance when he was little but gave it up to help his grandmother’s dying rice cake shop. When the business eventually went belly up despite their best efforts, he moved to Seoul looking for a new start and met Hoseok at a dance class. With Hoseok came Jungkook and Seokjin.

“It was weird, actually,” Jimin had laughed, remembering it. “Hoseok-hyung just casually asked me if I wanted to meet his buddy from university. I said of course and then when his friend arrives, it’s the guy from the drama I was watching! It was so weird.”

Yoongi eats his lunch dutifully while Jimin chatters on about the latest war he and Hoseok have going on with their downstairs neighbor. As much as Yoongi had complained on the way to the cafeteria, he really had needed a break. Today is the deadline for the album, and he’s almost done. It feels huge and terrifying to be so close to the finish line, and laughing as Jimin imitates his neighbor really helps it feel more manageable.

He doesn’t even pretend to complain when Jimin follows him back to his studio afterwards. Jimin flops onto the couch while Yoongi sits at his computer chair. They don’t talk for a little while, just keep each other company.

Jimin is the one who breaks it, saying, “Hyung? Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask. I might not answer.”

“How do you feel about Jin-hyung?”

That makes Yoongi pause. He spins in his chair to fully look at Jimin, who is looking up at him with big pleading eyes, as if being cute enough would make Yoongi spill his guts. For a second, Yoongi considers it. It would feel good to rant about what a dickhead Seokjin is, but no, that would be too risky. He really does like Jimin, and he would rather not lose this friendship they’ve been building up.

“Why do you want to know?

“Well Hobi-hyung said that your marriage was just a business deal.”

“It is.”

“But… what about those pictures? Why did you two kiss? Did you used to be together?”

“No, we weren’t together. It was all kind of complicated. I’d rather not get into it,” Yoongi says, turning back towards his screen.

Predictably, Jimin begins to whine, “Hyung! Come on, you can tell me. I promise not to tell anyone.”

“You’d blab immediately.”

“I won’t! Not even to Hobi-hyung. And I’ll even pretend like I don’t know anything if Jin-hyung ever mentions it.”

“Anything I say will inevitably get back to him. You were his friend first, after all.” It stings to say it, even though Yoongi knows it’s true.

“I’ve known him longer, sure, but secrets between omegas are sacred.”

Yoongi scoffs.

“Plus, Jin-hyung and I hardly ever talk about personal stuff. I can count on my hand the number of times he’s opened up to me. Sometimes with Jin-hyung it feels like… I don’t know, like he keeps up a wall between him and the world. I’ve hardly ever seen him be serious.”

That’s not surprising. Yoongi’s willing to bet most people haven’t seen anything from him except that buffoon mask he puts on. Yoongi had certainly thought him a vapid idiot until everything blew up. But there’s more to Seokjin than that. Jungkook has mentioned more than once that Seokjin’s kind and likes to help people, and begrudgingly Yoongi has to accept that's probably true. He helped Jungkook, and Jimin has told him it was Seokjin who helped Jimin get this job, in a way. He’d known Jimin was looking for a new job, told him that Namjoon was hiring, and gave the hiring manager an autograph to put Jimin's resume in the final stack.

So yeah, Yoongi is aware that there’s more to Seokjin than just the happy fool act he puts on. But Yoongi is also currently extra pissed at him, so all he says is, “I really don’t want to talk about him.”

Jimin sighs loudly. “Fine. Just let my imagination run free then.”

“Don’t you have some calls to make?”

“You’re trying to get rid of me?”

“Yes. Go away.”

“I do so much for you,” Jimin says with a groan as he gets up from the couch. “I actually do have stuff to do. Don’t think I’m leaving just because you told me to. I’ll be back. And today you’re leaving the studio before midnight, by the way. I’m going to make sure! I’ll call the boss and tattle on you if I have to.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Yoongi says, waving a dismissive hand at him without looking away from the screen. He waits until Jimin is safely on the other side of the door to smile. He really does like Jimin.

Yoongi spends the rest of the afternoon working and even manages to turn in the last song hours ahead of the deadline. Jimin, as promised, makes him leave early after forcing him into a big celebratory hug.

It would’ve been nice to spill his heart to Jimin, he thinks as he heads out of the Hybe building, his backpack slung over one shoulder. It’s been lonely to keep everything in. He remembers how good it used to feel to be able to tell Namjoon everything, to let all of his worries and doubts spill out of him and into a receptive ear.

Back when they used to talk every chance they got, back when it felt like there were no secrets. But there had been a secret, hadn't there? He told Namjoon everything except how he really felt about him. Would that have changed anything? Would it have mattered? Or would he still be here, listening to Namjoon complain about his marital problems?

Anger fills him up the more he thinks about it. He’s angry with himself because maybe it really would have made a difference. He could’ve been brave and told Namjoon he loved him when it mattered. But also how could Namjoon not have known? All of Yoongi’s devotion, all of his effort — Namjoon is a smart guy. He should have fucking been able to put it together. They spent so many years planning their future, so how could he have thrown it all away like that?

He’s never been angry with Namjoon before, not really, not like this. They’ve never had a big fight. Disagreements and momentary spats that they instantly apologized for, yes, but now it suddenly burns inside of him, hot and full of hurt. He had given up so much for Namjoon. He had always put him first. It's not fair, it's not fair — why couldn't Namjoon put him first too?

He has spent all of these months hating Seokjin and blaming him for how miserable he feels, but what did Seokjin really do? Kiss Taehyung? It wasn’t Seokjin who betrayed Yoongi. It wasn’t Seokjin who destroyed him.

Yoongi had grown up suspecting that something inside of him was broken. Something that made him unloveable, that made his parents not care too much about what he did. He’d spent his whole childhood overcompensating, trying his best to be the perfect child that never misbehaved, never caused any trouble. He spent a couple of teenage years doing the opposite, rebelling to see if that would get his parents to care, but one of it had really worked. It wasn’t until Namjoon that Yoongi thought that perhaps he wasn’t entirely broken.

Namjoon talked to him like Yoongi’s words mattered. He made Yoongi feel important. Yoongi had lowered his walls for him, had let him see all of the ugly, most private parts of his soul. He had handed over his heart, fully expecting to get Namjoon’s in return, but that’s where he’d gone wrong.

It’s with a painful stab that Yoongi realizes that the real problem, the root of everything, is the fact that Namjoon chose Taehyung. He didn’t love Yoongi, he didn’t want his heart, and that’s not something Yoongi can blame on Seokjin. Yoongi had been stupid to fall so deeply for someone who didn’t want him. He was stupid for thinking that there was hope, when clearly his old suspicions were true. Who would want someone like Yoongi?

By the time he gets to the apartment, he quietly slips into his room and lets himself fall apart once again, the grief feeling brand new.

♡♡♡

Seokjin is surprised when he gets home at noon and finds Yoongi standing in the kitchen. His hair is messy; his t-shirt and sweatpants look rumpled. He probably only just woke up.

It’s with a lot of hesitation that Seokjin says, “Hi.”

To his surprise, Yoongi turns to look at him. There’s no scorn or anger in his eyes when he says back, “Hi.”

They stare at each other for a moment, seemingly both at a loss. Seokjin had expected Yoongi to leave in a huff like usual or to at least glare, but the Yoongi in front of him does neither. The air between them is awkward, almost nervous, and Seokjin isn’t sure what exactly is going on but figures he better not waste this opportunity.

“Look, um, about the other day… I wanted to say I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. There’s nothing between me and Taehyung, but I guess I can understand that—”

“No, uh,” Yoongi looks down, swallowing hard before continuing, “I’m sorry too.”

Seokjin feels his eyes widen, not expecting that at all. “Oh,” he says stupidly, not sure how else to respond.

“I was already upset, and I took my anger out on you. I’ll… I’ll try not to do that anymore.”

Seokjin has no idea how to react. His mind feels blank, just the way it does when he completely forgets his line. This can’t be real. Surely this isn’t the same Min Yoongi that he married. It can’t be.

But when Yoongi looks up at him, their eyes meeting for only a second before Yoongi looks away again, Seokjin feels slammed by the fact that this is indeed reality. “Okay,” he ends up saying, his voice coming out soft, afraid of shattering this moment. “Let’s put it behind us then.”

Yoongi only nods.

Seokjin wants to ask what the hell brought this change on, but he doesn’t want to push his luck. He’d felt guilty about the hurt in Yoongi’s eyes after their fight, and his only goal had been to apologize. He should leave the kitchen right now while he’s ahead, before he can make a mess of this again.

“Have a nice day, Yoongi.”

“Thank you. You too.”

He takes one last look at Yoongi — his cute nose, the slight pout of his bottom lip — before forcing himself to walk away.

♡♡♡

Seokjin is very busy. He has a million things that need to get done now that it's November and he leaves for Malta tomorrow — including actually packing for the trip. He feels like the date completely snuck up on him. His mind has been elsewhere lately, mainly on Yoongi.

Ever since their strange conversation a week ago, he hardly sees him around the apartment despite the fact that Jungkook says the album is done now. He’s pretty sure Yoongi is still avoiding him, but not in the way he was before. The few times they have run into each other, Yoongi acts polite and distant, the way one would treat a stranger. Seokjin has tried to do the same.

Jungkook is over the moon happy with this “progress,” as he calls it. He keeps annoyingly nudging Seokjin every time Yoongi is near, as if urging him to say more, to do more. But this peace between them is too fragile, and Seokjin would rather not be the one that blows it up.

He’s mentally going over the things he needs to pack, and that’s why he doesn’t notice that Namjoon is in the lobby of his building until they nearly bump into each other.

“Namjoon?” Seokjin says, for a second doubting his eyes. But it very much is his brother standing in front of him, looking like he just saw a ghost. “Hey, are you okay?”

Namjoon doesn’t answer. He blinks at Seokjin.

“What are you doing here?” Seokjin tries again, but Namjoon ignores him and simply walks away.

Well. That’s weird. Seokjin watches him walk out onto the street and turn in a seemingly random direction. A bad feeling enters his stomach as he heads to the elevator. Namjoon definitely wasn’t here to see him, which means that he was here to see Yoongi.

Seokjin hesitates outside of the apartment, unsure what he’ll find in there. What the hell could have scared Namjoon so much? Surely it wasn’t an emergency. He would’ve called an ambulance if there had been an accident, right? No, Namjoon hadn’t looked panicked. He’d looked shocked.

Nothing could’ve prepared Seokjin for what he actually sees once he gets inside: Yoongi on the couch, crying. He’s made himself into a tiny ball, his arms wrapped around his legs as sobs shake his body.

Seokjin runs to him, panic flooding him. “What happened?” he asks, kneeling on the floor in front of Yoongi.

Yoongi doesn’t say anything, and Seokjin has no idea what to do. He reaches out a hand before quickly pulling it back. Yoongi probably doesn’t want Seokjin touching him, but what is he supposed to do?

“Was it Namjoon?” Seokjin asks, his heart hammering in his chest. “I saw him downstairs. Did he do something? Did he say something?” He must have. There’s no other explanation. “Yoongi,” Seokjin says desperately, “please tell me what happened or I’m gonna go chase Namjoon down and beat the shit out of him.”

Finally, Yoongi looks up. His face is wet with tears, and he looks so heartbreakingly miserable that Seokjin’s own heart gives a nasty twist. “I told him,” Yoongi says, his voice so small.

“Told him what?”

“I told him I’m in love with him.” Yoongi puts a hand over his face as soon as the words are out, another sob coming out of him.

Shit. Seokjin feels himself deflate a little, some of the urgency evaporating. Distantly, he realizes that this is the first time Yoongi ever even admits to being in love with Namjoon. He'd denied it all of those times before. Seokjin feels helpless as Yoongi continues crying. What can he possibly do to help him?

Only one thing comes to mind. It’s insane and stupid, but he has nothing else. So he stands up and says, “Go pack.”

It takes a moment for Yoongi to even register the words, but when he does, he only gives Seokjin a confused look. “What?”

“Pack a suitcase. You’re coming with me to Malta. Your passport is up to date right? I’ll call Hoseok and tell him to buy you a ticket.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? I’m not—”

“Do you really want to stay here?”

Yoongi seems frozen for a moment, blinking up at him. It’s insane, yes, and Seokjin knows it probably isn’t a good idea. He’s expecting Yoongi to say no, but after a few eternal seconds of silence, Yoongi says, “Okay.”

“Good,” Seokjin says with confidence he doesn’t actually feel. “I’ll take care of everything. We leave early in the morning.”

He keeps it together until he’s in his bedroom with the door closed, and only then does he let himself freak out. This is probably not a good idea — no, this is definitely a very, very bad idea. But his heart is still racing from finding Yoongi crying like that, and all he wants is to make it better. Before he can doubt himself, he locks his bedroom door, goes into his bathroom and locks that door as well, really, really not wanting Yoongi to catch him making this call.

The phone rings and rings, but Namjoon doesn’t answer. “Son of a bitch,” Seokjin says as he quickly sends him a message.

[Namjoon]

Seokjin:
answer me or i swear i’ll make you regret it

He takes a deep breath and calls again, trying to get a hold of himself. He’s not entirely sure why he’s so angry except that Yoongi is upset and it’s all Namjoon’s fault.

“What?” Namjoon’s voice snaps into his ear.

“I’m calling to let you know Yoongi won’t be going to work for the next month. He’s coming with me on a work trip.”

There’s stunned silence for a long moment before Namjoon asks, “Is he… is he okay?”

Seokjin keeps his voice cold and level as he says, “That’s not really any of your business.”

“Yes it is. It’s more my business than yours.” Namjoon makes a frustrated noise before saying, “I had no idea that he’s — that he feels that way about me. If I had known—”

“That doesn’t matter. I’m only telling you this so that you don’t contact him while we’re out.”

“Is that what he wants?”

“Yes.”

“It doesn’t have to be like this. I think it’s better if we talk. He doesn’t have to go—”

“Leave my mate alone, Namjoon,” Seokjin says with so much sharpness that he surprises even himself. “Do I make myself clear?”

“...Fine. If that’s what he wants.”

“I’ll be the one to worry about that,” Seokjin says before hanging up.

He takes a moment to force himself to take deep breaths. He doesn’t know if that was the right thing to do, but the image of Yoongi curled up into a ball on the couch comes to mind again, and he feels his hands automatically curl into fists, as if he could physically fight Yoongi’s sadness.

Yoongi hates him and the only reason they’re stuck together like this is because of a giant fuck up, but none of that really matters right now. He owes Yoongi this, at the very least, for his role in this whole mess. For the gentle way he has treated Jungkook. Seokjin would be a pathetic excuse of an alpha if he didn’t even try to help him.

Chapter Text

☆☆☆

Yoongi feels like he’s in a daze. Half awake, half stuck in a nightmare. He barely slept last night. He keeps replaying that look on Namjoon’s face. The shock. The horror. Like Yoongi had just told him something earth shatteringly awful and he didn’t know how to deal with it.

Namjoon had asked to come over, and Yoongi, being an idiot who never fucking learns, had thought perhaps they would simply spend some time together. Celebrate Yeonjun’s album being done. Yoongi had even tidied up the place so that it would look nice. But Namjoon came in immediately talking about Taehyung and the stupid fight they’d gotten into earlier that same morning. Yoongi remembers feeling disappointment and hurt. He remembers telling Namjoon that he didn’t want to talk about Taehyung. Namjoon had gotten upset, had said something like, “Hyung, can't you just listen? Who else am I supposed to talk to?”

And Yoongi had just snapped. He’s not even entirely sure what he said, doesn’t know how much of his heart he poured out. But by the end of his tirade, Namjoon’s face… His mouth open from the shock… The awful silence that fell around them…

Yoongi had started shaking, and Namjoon had just stood there. Yoongi told him to leave, and Namjoon hadn’t even tried to stay. He’d turned around and immediately left, just like that. It had probably been too hard to stand there with Yoongi’s pathetic feelings taking up all the air in the room. Stupid, pathetic Yoongi, unable to hold it together, bleeding everywhere.

Yoongi covers his face, swallowing thickly, feeling himself burn with humiliation.

“Hey, hey, no more wallowing,” Seokjin’s voice says, grabbing his wrist and pulling his hand away from his face. He places a bottle of bright yellow juice into his hand and says, “Here, drink this. It's bottled up sunshine. It'll stop the tears.”

It's such a fucking stupid thing to say that Yoongi scoffs. Still, he obediently opens the bottle and takes a sip. It does taste sunny, like pineapple and mango. The tears back off.

Fuck, what is he doing here? Sitting next to Seokjin on a plane to Malta where they’ll spend weeks trapped in each other’s company. He wasn’t thinking rationally when he agreed to come. He wasn’t really thinking at all. He had just been afraid of what Taehyung would say when he found out. Yoongi can’t possibly face him.

And Namjoon… What would be worse? For him to try to talk to Yoongi about this or for him to not even reach out at all? No, Yoongi had to leave. So now he’s here, with Seokjin of all people. Perhaps it would be funny if Yoongi wasn’t so devastatingly sad.

“My schedule isn’t really too bad,” Seokjin says casually — or at least it would be casual had he been talking to literally anyone else. But he’s not, he’s talking to Yoongi, which must mean he’s trying pretty hard to be nice. “I’ll have most afternoons off and even a few days free. If you want, we can do some sight seeing. Explore the city a bit.”

“Why are you doing this?” Yoongi asks, finally voicing the question that had been circling around in his head.

Seokjin studies him for a moment, seeming to weigh a few answers before letting out a small sigh. “I want to help.”

“But why? Why do you even care?”

“Look, I know you think I’m the worst person to ever walk this earth, but I do have a heart. I don’t want you to feel sad, and if I can help, then I want to help. If you’d rather not see me the whole trip, that’s fine. I get it. But if you want some company, I’ll be there.”

“You really do think too highly of yourself if you think you’re above dictators and mass murderers in my list of worst people on earth. You’re not even in the top five.”

Seokjin looks a little stunned before he breaks into a laugh. “Oh really? Top twenty at least, then?”

Yoongi rolls his eyes, but the smallest of smiles tugs at the corner of his lips. Maybe this trip won’t be too huge of a disaster. “Thanks,” he forces himself to say, his eyes on the juice bottle as he picks away at the label.

Seokjin nods. “Don’t mention it. Let's just pretend to be friends for this trip, alright? What do you have to lose?”

My dignity, Yoongi thinks, but he doesn't have much of that left by this point anyway. So he says, “Okay. Friends.”

♡♡♡

The hotel room only has one bed when they step inside, and Seokjin’s stomach drops to the floor. “I forgot to change it,” he says, wanting to smack himself for the oversight. “Sorry, here, I’ll go down and see if—”

“It’s fine,” Yoongi says, already taking off his shoes.

They’ve been traveling for who knows how many hours. They’re exhausted and starving, and Seokjin feels relieved at not having to go through the hassle of getting the room switched.

Still, not wanting to start off on a bad foot, he asks, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I just want to eat and then sleep for the next twenty-four hours.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Seokjin says as he follows Yoongi’s example and begins to make himself at home.

Yoongi showers first while Seokjin orders the food, and twenty minutes later they’re sitting on the bed eating and watching a movie. The whole journey here had been a lot smoother than Seokjin could’ve ever hoped for. They didn’t talk much, but the few exchanges they did have weren’t hostile. They were distantly polite, mostly, the same as back home.

It's funny, Seokjin thinks, that to a casual observer, they might even pass for a completely normal couple. Here they are in their shared hotel room, on their shared bed, matching necklaces around their necks. Who would be able to tell that their union was nothing but a haphazard disaster?

Delirious from the long journey and the time change, for a moment Seokjin lets himself pretend that he stepped into another reality, one where this marriage didn’t come about from a coverup for his mess. They met and fell in love like normal people, and now they're here, relaxing after a long flight. Yoongi isn’t sad because Seokjin takes very good care of him. This is the honeymoon they never got to have, and ahead of them are warm days filled with laughter. They’re real mates, in love and happy, and everything is okay.

It’s a nice fantasy for the five minutes he lets himself believe it.

☆☆☆

Not having a phone to distract himself with is strange. His hands will twitch sometimes, going to grab his phantom phone before he even realizes. It’s a deliberate choice Yoongi made, and one he’s glad for most of the time. He doesn’t want the contact with the outside world, doesn’t want the temptation of knowing what sort of trouble he caused back home. It’s hell in times like these, however, when Yoongi is alone in the hotel room.

Seokjin is busy — of course he’s busy, he’s here to work — and Yoongi knows he should keep busy too. His brain has never been his friend, and too much time to think would be a very bad thing.

He grabs a notebook and pen and heads out, hoping to find a quiet spot to waste away the hours until Seokjin comes back. They’ve somehow managed to get along these last couple of days. It feels a bit like that truce they had for Jungkook’s birthday weekend, an agreement to be civil. It’s just as stiff and strange, but this time they’re not trying to ignore each other.

Yoongi pays special attention to where he walks, stopping every now and then to make sure he knows his way back. He doesn’t even want to think about what he would need to do if he got himself lost.

He ends up on a bench that faces the water. It’s very pretty, and he wishes he’d thought to grab his camera from the hotel too. He tries his best to capture the view in his notebook, trying hard to recall the tips his uncle had given him once on how to sketch, but he’s never quite had a talent for drawing.

Not like Taehyung. Taehyung can make incredible art, all interesting shapes and colors, his unique perspective shining through. Taehyung has always been as talented as he is beautiful. Taehyung’s parents adored him, had hugged and kissed him easily and frequently. Yoongi remembers observing that when they were little and wondering why it was his own parents couldn’t be like that. He grew up, of course, and realized that plenty of other children had parents like his own, that plenty of parents didn’t hand out easy affection the way his aunt and uncle did. But that was later, and as a child he didn’t understand.

All he knew was that Taehyung’s parents loved him and Yoongi’s parents didn’t love him. And growing up, all of the adults would smile and coo at how cute and funny Taehyung was, and towards Yoongi they’d remark that he was a serious, shy child in a disapproving tone. And as teenagers Taehyung had his big group of friends and was popular and sought after, and Yoongi, meanwhile, had spent those years fighting with his parents and dreaming of a life on stage that he would never have.

Of course Namjoon would choose Taehyung. If the choice is between Yoongi and Taehyung — who wouldn’t choose the better of the two?

Yoongi scratches out his drawing with more force than necessary before closing the notebook and putting it next to him. He feels like he can’t breathe again. Fuck, fuck, he can’t keep thinking about this. He puts his face in his hands, his elbows supported on his knees, and tries to focus on just calming the fuck down.

It’s a long while before he can look up again, wiping the tears from his face. Enough. Enough, enough, enough. He takes in a deep breath, letting his lungs take in as much air as they can.

He forces himself to get up and continue on his walk. He ends up in a restaurant where he eats some food and manages to compose a song on paper. That keeps him busy enough for a while. On his walk back to their hotel, he stops by a few stores and picks up some items he’d forgotten to properly pack. A watch. Some sunglasses. A hat. A little portable fan that he’s not sure he’ll use much but it had caught his eye. That kills some more time.

He feels a jolt of surprise when he looks at his new watch and realizes that Seokjin will be back soon. He walks quickly back to the hotel and sighs with relief when he enters the lobby, thankful that he didn’t get lost like he’d feared.

He feels a little sweaty so he takes a quick shower. It’s only afterwards, when he’s wiping away the fog from the mirror, that he notices with annoyance the hints of pink across his face that he’s pretty sure are from walking around in the sun. Nothing too bad, but he vows to buy sunscreen tomorrow and dutifully wear his new hat.

It’s weird to sit around and just wait, no phone in his hand to kill the time. Even weirder to know that he’s waiting for Seokjin. He wonders if he would be able to find books in Korean here, but even if he had one right now, he’s not sure he’d be able to focus. His eyes keep looking at the time. He pauses at every little sound, his eyes instantly going to the door.

And when at last the door opens and in steps Seokjin, he feels something like relief.

♡♡♡

“Cut!”

Seokjin exhales and lets his body relax. The plaza they’re filming in has been roped off, but it’s still buzzing with the film crew and extras and assistants. Automatically his eyes go to Yoongi, who stands away from the camera.

Yoongi’s eyes meet his, and a strange zip goes down Seokjin’s spine. He offers Yoongi a small smile, and one corner of Yoongi’s mouth lifts up in return. Good, good, Seokjin thinks. They’re doing alright.

It’s been a week since they arrived. Malta in November is usually warm and sunny enough during the day, which is good because they’re mostly filming outside. It starts to get a bit chilly at night, but that hasn’t stopped Seokjin and Yoongi from taking light strolls around the city after dinner.

So far, Yoongi has stayed behind at the hotel in the mornings, but today, when Seokjin asked if he wanted to come to set with him, he said yes. Seokjin still can’t fully believe it, despite Yoongi being right there.

It’s been… strange. Not in a bad way — it’s been good, really — but sometimes Seokjin still finds himself looking next to him, seeing Yoongi there, and getting hit with a confusing flurry of emotions.

By some miracle, they haven’t argued yet. That might have something to do with the fact that they don’t really say much to each other, but Seokjin likes to think they’ve both truly put down their spears. Seokjin isn’t trying to piss Yoongi off — no matter how adorable he looks when his face scrunches into a scowl — and Yoongi isn’t looking at Seokjin with disgust and contempt. It’s more than Seokjin could've ever hoped for before.

Whenever they do talk, usually during dinner, they avoid sensitive topics by a wide margin. Mostly they talk about random things, and every now and then they’ll hit a topic that will light Yoongi up. It’s pretty cute the way his eyes will widen, the way he’ll sit up a little straighter, and suddenly quiet, taciturn Min Yoongi will chatter on and on about interior decorating, leather jackets, the NBA, kitten rescue YouTube channels — the pocket of knowledge is always unpredictable, but Yoongi will go on and on with the enthusiasm of a little kid that just learned a lot of cool facts. Seokjin always listens attentively, happy to nod and ask questions if it lifts Yoongi’s spirits.

Because despite their truce, despite the fact that they stroll a beautiful city every night, with its gorgeous sunsets and stunning views of the sea, Yoongi is still hurting.

He is good at hiding it, but Seokjin can see it in his eyes sometimes. They get this far away look, his blank mask slipping slightly into a miserable frown. But worse than that are the two nights Seokjin has woken up to find the space next to him empty and the sound of quiet crying coming from the bathroom. Both times Seokjin pretended to be asleep by the time Yoongi came back to bed, even though it had burned terribly to do nothing. But what could he do? He’s certain Yoongi wouldn’t want Seokjin to comfort him, no matter how well they’re getting along.

“What did you think?” Seokjin asks as he approaches Yoongi.

Yoongi looks tired, the lack of sleep evident on his face, and Seokjin wonders again if Yoongi stays up crying every single night. He hates that he doesn't know. He hates the thought of Yoongi suffering alone.

“It’s riveting,” Yoongi says flatly, but there’s no malice behind it. It’s teasing, and when Seokjin laughs, Yoongi looks pleased with himself.

“Don't worry, I'll only have to do the scene maybe four or five more times. Then I think we get a small break. Are you hungry?”

Yoongi shrugs a shoulder. “I could eat.”

Seokjin feels something inside of him go on alert. He has a mission. “I'll make sure we get something tasty,” he promises.

“Places!”

Seokjin pulls back the irritation that bubbles up. He would've liked a bit more time to make sure Yoongi's okay. “I'll be back,” Seokjin says, and then immediately feels a little silly. That was probably a very unnecessary thing to say.

“Alright.” There's amusement in the slight smirk on Yoongi's face. “I'm sure this take will be even more spectacular.”

Seokjin winks at Yoongi, a little overdramatic, before hurrying back to his mark. He sneaks one more look at Yoongi and feels incredibly relieved to see him looking down, clearly trying to hide a smile.

Good. Very good. Seokjin can do this. He can take care of Yoongi. He still isn't sure if he's doing this to atone for his role in the events that led up to this or if it's something else. Something to do with the fact that Yoongi is his mate and therefore his responsibility. Even if it's not real, even if Yoongi doesn't want his help, Seokjin feels it is his duty to make sure he's okay. To not be there for him, to not even try — Seokjin couldn't live with that.

He does make sure Yoongi gets something to eat, and later they spend some time introducing Yoongi to his co-stars and the director. It’s strange to say out loud, “This is my mate, Min Yoongi,” but there’s something nice about it too. It’s a fact about their lives, and Seokjin is happy to say it with pride instead of reluctance.

After filming wraps up for the day, he takes Yoongi to a nice restaurant for dinner, somewhere a little bit more glitzy than they've been to so far, with a beautiful view of the water. He pays very close attention when Yoongi talks about the history of rap music, and gets rewarded with an excited smile when he asks questions.

And when he wakes up in the middle of the night to the slight dip in the bed as Yoongi gets back in, he can't pretend to be asleep again. Not when he can feel Yoongi shifting restlessly next to him, sniffling. He doesn’t want Yoongi to feel alone, because he isn't. Seokjin is here for him.

Gathering up courage, telling himself that it's fine if Yoongi pulls away, Seokjin reaches out. His hand lands on Yoongi's upper arm, where his skin is covered by his t-shirt. He lets his fingers curl as he slightly tightens his grip. Yoongi has completely frozen under his touch.

Seokjin should say something. Reassure him everything will be okay. But the words feel false and stick in his throat.

“I didn't mean to wake you up,” Yoongi mumbles into the darkness.

“It's alright,” Seokjin replies. Yoongi hasn't pulled away and so Seokjin shifts just a little closer, leaving his hand where it is. “Let's try to sleep, okay?”

“Okay,” Yoongi says in a voice so soft and small that Seokjin's heart gives a painful squeeze.

He wants to do more. He wants to grab Yoongi and pull him into a hug, wrap his arms around him so tightly that nothing can ever get to him. He wants Yoongi to feel okay and not hurt. This, his hand on Yoongi’s arm, feels too small in comparison to his need to fix it all, but it's something, at least.

They lie there in the dark together, neither saying anything, until at last Yoongi drifts off to sleep. It’s only then, when Seokjin is sure, that he allows himself to fall asleep too.

☆☆☆

“Don't worry,” Seokjin says as he steps into the small boat that immediately starts to sway precariously. “It's okay, hyung's got it, hyung's got it. It's totally safe. Don't worry.”

“You're making me worry,” Yoongi says from the dock, watching as Seokjin turns around to face him and the boat sways unsteadily once more.

“Totally safe. Come on, hyung’s got you.” Seokjin reaches out to help Yoongi get into the boat, and Yoongi takes his hand.

This is so bizarre, Yoongi thinks as he sits in front of a happy looking Seokjin. They're both wearing bright orange life vests. The sun is just barely rising, and Yoongi is still feeling very sleepy. But when Seokjin had asked if Yoongi would be willing to go fishing with him on his day off, his eyes had looked so hopeful that Yoongi couldn't say no.

He's not sure he regrets it, exactly. It's too early and he doesn't really expect this to be fun, but he thinks he would have regretted staying behind at the hotel.

Life with Seokjin in Malta is overall peaceful — something Yoongi never, ever thought he would say. But it’s as if he stepped completely out of time, completely out of reality. The first week now behind him, the deep wound in his heart has settled into a dull ache, something perfectly ignorable on a good day. It’s easier to not think about it when Seokjin is around, and for that reason, Yoongi’s least favorite part of the day are the mornings when Seokjin is away filming. Sometimes he lazes around the hotel, composing songs in his notebook, watching movies, taking long naps. Other times he’ll go out and wander the city, taking pictures of things he finds interesting and eating at different restaurants. At all times, he does his best not to think of Namjoon and Taehyung and the mess that is waiting for him when he returns.

But when Seokjin arrives, Yoongi always feels himself relax. His presence feels like an anchor during a storm, which is another thing Yoongi tries not to think about too much either.

Seokjin steers the boat to a nice spot. He shows Yoongi how to use the fishing poles, helping him cast a line. All set up, he then opens up the other cooler they brought that holds their breakfast. Yoongi eagerly takes the cup of coffee that Seokjin carefully hands him.

There’s a pleasant buzzing feeling in Yoongi's chest. The gentle rocking of the water, the fresh, cool breeze, the hot coffee in his hand — it all feels nice.

“Do you know the two things you can’t eat in the morning?” Seokjin asks, handing him one of the sandwiches.

“What?”

“Lunch and dinner,” Seokjin says before he bursts out laughing at his own lame joke. He even slaps his knee.

“That’s possibly the worst one yet.”

“I have a worse one — wanna hear it? What color is a hamburger?”

“Brown?”

“Burger-ndy!”

Yoongi closes his eyes and groans. Seokjin’s squeaky laughter is loud and delighted. Despite himself, Yoongi can’t stop his own shoulders from shaking as he starts to laugh as well.

They eat in comfortable silence, and that's something else that Yoongi was surprised to learn. For someone who gives off the illusion of loving the sound of his own voice, Seokjin is surprisingly good with silence. There's no pressure to say something just to fill the air. There's only the sound of the water and the distant call of birds.

“Do you fish a lot?” Yoongi asks after they finish their food and are putting the wrappers back into the cooler.

“No, I usually never have the time. Maybe when I’m old and retire from being an international sensation I’ll buy a boat and go on a year long fishing expedition, to make up for all the fish I’m not catching now. Wouldn’t that be something?”

Yoongi smiles at the mental image his brain conjures up. Seokjin with grey hair in a navy uniform. Seokjin seems like the type who would enjoy doing something silly like that. He’d probably insist that everyone onboard call him Captain.

Tied together as they are, it occurs to Yoongi that it’s possible he’ll get to see Captain Seokjin set sail. It’s a strange thought, and Yoongi tries to shake it off. The future still feels too uncertain and scary, thought not as terrifying as it had once been.

“A whole year? Sounds like a lot of fish.”

“I'll have to learn a lot of fish recipes. Maybe become a sushi chef.”

“You'll be very busy on that boat.”

Seokjin smiles. “I guess so. That's good, though, isn’t it? I'll get to indulge my love of cooking. Life is about doing what you love as much as you can, I think.”

“That's true. It nearly killed me, but working on Yeonjun's album was incredible. I never thought I'd ever get to do something I loved like that.”

Seokjin's smile begins to dim until slowly it turns into a slight frown. “Um, I've been meaning to tell you something about that.”

“What is it?” Yoongi can't help but lean forward, alarmed by the suddenly serious tone.

“Well I sort of… I told Namjoon to hire you. I heard your music and I thought it was really good, and, well…” Seokjin looks down at his own hands as he adds, “I know it was wrong to do it behind your back, and I'm sorry.”

“You?” Yoongi's not sure how to take this. Somewhere inside there is a pang of hurt that Namjoon didn't offer him the job on his own. But mostly he just feels surprised.

Seokjin nods.

“Why did you bother?” At Seokjin's chastised look, Yoongi hurries to add, “I mean, we weren’t exactly friends. I don’t know why you’d go through the trouble of getting me a job.”

“I thought your music deserved to be heard. You're really talented. And I just… I thought you deserved it, if you wanted to do it.”

Yoongi takes that in, his conflicting feelings fighting inside of him. He thinks perhaps he should be angry that Seokjin meddled in his life, secretly pulling the strings without Yoongi knowing. Had he found this out before coming here, he definitely would’ve been furious. But looking at Seokjin now, at the nervousness he’s exuding, at the earnest look in his eyes, he can’t bring himself to be angry.

“I did want to do it,” Yoongi admits. “I just never really thought… I mean, being an omega, I knew what was expected of me after getting married.”

Seokjin nods. Of course he knows too. Yoongi doesn't need to explain all of the unsaid rules he would've had to follow, the limitations that would've been placed on him.

“I guess I should thank you,” Yoongi continues, a hand coming up to fiddle with his earring to distract himself from the weird feeling suddenly invading his chest. Something that squeezes tight around his lungs. “I probably wouldn't have pursued it on my own. And you could've been an asshole and forbidden me from doing it even if I’d tried.”

“I never understood alphas who did things like that. I want you to always do whatever makes you happy. If it's working at Hybe, if it's quitting Hybe, whatever it could be — do it. I'll support you.” Seokjin hesitates for a second before adding, “I don’t want to be a source of unhappiness in your life.”

The intensity with which he says it, like it's important to him that Yoongi understands, only makes that weird feeling grow.

“This is getting a little too serious,” Yoongi says, forcing out a huff of laughter.

Seokjin smiles, the sudden tension breaking a little. “You're right. Should I tell you another joke?”

“No,” Yoongi says, his laughter coming out real this time. “Let's save those for a real emergency. But I do wanna say — I mean, I do appreciate it, Seokjin-ssi. And I'm… I'm sorry. For before. I know I wasn't always kind.”

“I'm sorry too.”

“Good. We're okay then.”

Seokjin's smile looks relieved and happy as he looks at Yoongi. “Good.”

Yoongi looks away, trying to gather his thoughts. He feels like a big weight has been lifted from his shoulders. That apology had been on the tip of his tongue for the last couple of days, and he’s glad it’s finally out. The water seems to sparkle now that the sun has risen a little more, and Yoongi almost can’t believe it’s all real. Here he is sitting on this small boat with Kim Seokjin. Receiving Seokjin's support. Apologizing to each other.

Where did all of his hatred and anger go? It feels so far away right now. He had believed for such a long time that Seokjin was every bit as bad as people said. Namjoon had years of grievances against his brother, and Yoongi, always loyal, had taken each one and carried it as if it was his own. He had felt that Seokjin was to blame, somehow, for the way his life had crumbled to pieces. They'd fought and said nasty things to each other, sure, but Yoongi can also see now just how wrong he'd been about him.

He's pulled back to the present as he sees his fishing rod bending.

“Oh!” Seokjin is quickly at attention, pointing at the rod. “Pick it up, pick it up! You got a bite!”

“I did?” Yoongi asks as he quickly goes to grab it from the holder, feeling the way it pulls in his hands. “What do I do?”

“Reel it in! That's right, like I showed you, yes! Wah, you're doing so good!”

Yoongi's heart beats a little faster as he tries to keep a firm grip with one hand, the other winding, winding, winding, until—

“Yes! You caught a fish!” Seokjin yells before letting out a loud woop.

The fish is there, having popped out of the water, attached to Yoongi’s hook. Seokjin is still loudly celebrating, and Yoongi can't hold back a delighted grin of his own.

☆☆☆

They’ve developed a bedtime routine by now, and they seamlessly move around each other as they get ready for bed. Seokjin is wearing his blue angel pajamas today. He must like them a lot, since he wears them often, Yoongi muses, pausing outside of the open bathroom door. Seokjin is at the sink, brushing his teeth.

Yoongi likes seeing him in these ordinary human moments. Seokjin stuffing his mouth with too much food, Seokjin with sleep-rumpled hair, Seokjin sweaty and splotchy after a workout — nothing like the glamorous actor Yoongi has seen in commercials and billboards. Nothing like the vapid narcissist Yoongi assumed he was either.

They've been married for months, living together, their lives slowly entangling, and in all that time Yoongi barely even scratched the surface of who Seokjin really is. Human Seokjin — the one who is quick to smile, the one who carries little snacks everywhere, the one who gets shy if he notices Yoongi watching him — that Seokjin is someone Yoongi is eager to know.

Yoongi yawns as he climbs onto his side of the bed to wait for Seokjin. Sleep is already pulling at him due to their early wake up call, but he fights it. He’d rather they both settle in at the same time. That’s part of the routine they’ve established, and it’s oddly calming to know what to expect.

At last, Seokjin walks out of the bathroom and automatically starts turning off the lights. He gets into bed, and the two of them shift a bit, getting comfortable under the covers. Yoongi can remember the very first time they shared a bed, the way he had wanted to put as much distance between them as possible. Somehow, now, Yoongi couldn’t care less. Seokjin's presence no longer feels like a threat — far from it.

“Goodnight, Yoongi. Sweet dreams,” Seokjin says softly.

“Goodnight, hyung.”

It comes out of his mouth without thought, and it jolts him back from the sleepy feeling that had been creeping in. He expects Seokjin to say something — some sort of gloating comment, something like finally, after I’ve begged you for years — but no comment comes. It’s almost as if Seokjin didn’t even notice, but Yoongi knows he must have. There’s no way he didn’t.

Another kindness, then, Yoongi thinks, feeling himself slowly begin to relax again. He closes his eyes and lets sleep come.

And in the middle of the night, when he wakes up from a nightmare, his heart racing, he doesn’t rush to go hide in the bathroom like he did before. The hurt in his chest still burns, but he can breathe through it. This dream, like the others, is just a rehash of everything he has been trying to suppress. The humiliation, the anger, the fear. Namjoon’s silence after his confession.

But the tears don’t come the way they used to. He’s all out. Instead he turns to face Seokjin, and listens to his steady breathing, the sound familiar by now. Comforting too.

Slowly, he shifts his arm until it’s touching Seokjin’s. Just a reminder that he’s not stuck in the past, in that terrible moment. He’s here, in Malta, far far away from all of that. He’s here with Seokjin.

When he closes his eyes again, the dark thoughts don’t charge at him like usual. It’s easy to let himself focus instead on the warmth he can feel from where they touch and how comfortable their bed is. He’s back to sleep before he knows it.

♡♡♡

Seokjin’s alarm goes off, dragging him out of pleasant sleep. He quickly reaches out to quiet it, but not soon enough. Next to him, Yoongi makes a whiney noise of complaint before pulling the covers up higher, burrowing into them. Seokjin waits for a moment to see if it'll be one of those mornings where a sleepy-eyed Yoongi watches him get ready, but no more sounds come.

It’s early, the light coming in through the windows still a bit grey. It’s enough, however, to be able to see Yoongi. The chicken pox scars. The tiny dots on his nose and cheek. His eyelashes. The curve of his cheek. Seokjin lets himself stare for a moment, just a pause, before he gets out of bed and tries to get ready as silently as he can.

Things are going alright, he thinks with satisfaction. They’ve gotten used to each other. It’s easier now to share space together, to talk to each other. They have usual spots they like to go to. A Korean restaurant they eat in often. A garden where they’ll walk around. The pretty fountain that lights up at night. Yoongi has yet to say no to any of the kitschy tourist traps Seokjin wants to go to when he has some extra time, and Seokjin knows now to carry with him sunscreen and snacks. The sunscreen because Yoongi burns surprisingly fast. The snacks because he has found that a hungry Yoongi is ten times more likely to turn sulky than a non-hungry Yoongi.

Yoongi has been a little better. His dark clouds seem to come less frequently. He smiles more. It’s a big relief.

They’re doing alright.

☆☆☆

They’re sitting at a corner of the bar, laughing together over random little nothings. They’ve been here a while. The alcohol feels pleasantly warm in Yoongi’s veins and all of his problems feel very far away in this moment.

It had been intimidating to go out with Seokjin’s co-stars for dinner, but despite his hesitation and nervousness, it was actually fun. The girl playing the lead was incredibly hilarious, and most of the dinner was spent with everyone cracking up at her stories. The few times the attention shifted to Yoongi, Seokjin was always attentive, ready to jump in if Yoongi felt himself running out of things to say. After dinner, not quite ready to go back to the hotel, Yoongi and Seokjin had stopped by this bar.

Seokjin has the day off tomorrow, and so there’s no rush. They can linger here, talk about nothing in particular, keep ordering more drinks. It’s easy, somehow. Nearing the end of their third week here, there’s no more awkward hesitation in their conversations and they have even developed a few inside jokes.

“International sensation — what was it? Sunshine—”

“Sunshine rainbow traditional,” Yoongi finishes before he bursts out laughing.

“Ah right, right. International sensation sunshine rainbow traditional Kim Seokjin. I have to call Hoseok and tell him to make that my new name on all socials.” Seokjin starts laughing, his squeaky laugh that is so disarming that it instantly sends Yoongi into another bout of laughter.

Easy. So easy. Yoongi’s not sure he understands this unexpected turn in his life, but it doesn’t feel like it matters right now. Not when Seokjin’s face is a little flushed from the alcohol and he nearly falls off his chair from laughing too hard.

“I’m gonna piss myself,” Seokjin says, standing up and smoothing a hand down his nice shirt. His necklace catches the light for just half a second. The one that matches Yoongi’s. “I gotta go to the bathroom. Don’t go anywhere.” He gives Yoongi a wink and then sends a flying kiss for good measure before walking away.

Yoongi snorts another laugh and drains his own glass. Without thinking, his hand goes to his own necklace, pulling it out from under his shirt. The metal is warm from resting on his skin all night. There’s something oddly comforting about touching it, feeling the delicate chain wrap around his finger.

The bartender stops in front of him and points at his glass. In English asks, “One more?” Before Yoongi can say anything, the bartender’s eyes seem to zoom in on Yoongi’s necklace and he says, “Ahhh, you two are mates?”

There’s so much surprise in his voice. Clearly he had assumed they were just two alphas having a drink together. It had never crossed his mind that Yoongi could be an omega, that they could be mates. Yoongi is used to this, but for some reason, tonight, it irks him.

“One more drink, please,” he replies and pointedly ignores his other question.

The bartender only nods and pours him another drink, not bothering to ask again. Good. Yoongi doesn’t feel like explaining himself. He supposes it must not make much sense to any outsider who sees them. Even Seokjin’s co-stars must have wondered at some point how it was that Seokjin ended up with someone like Yoongi.

Not for the first time, Yoongi wonders what it must be like for people like Jimin. For people that tick off all of the right boxes. People who are beautiful and easy to like. That old resentment pangs in him somewhere deep, and he takes a sip of his drink to try and cut off those thoughts.

It doesn’t matter what people assume about him. He doesn’t have to conform to stupid, archaic ideas. He doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone, and if no one believes that someone like Seokjin could fall for someone like Yoongi, who cares? It’s true.

“The bathroom here is weird,” Seokjin says as he drops back into his seat next to Yoongi. “The lightbulb is green, so when I stepped in I seriously thought an alien was about to abduct me. It was very scary. Did you hear me scream? I screamed.”

Yoongi smiles, picturing it. “Why would an alien want you? What would they do with you?”

“Clearly I’m the perfect specimen of the human race. Why wouldn’t they want me? Honestly I’m surprised I haven’t been abducted yet. They'd probably keep me as a pet.”

Yoongi laughs, his shoulders shaking, and only a second later Seokjin breaks and laughs too.

Easy. So surprisingly easy.

♡♡♡

“We should get matching ones,” Seokjin says, pointing to a wall of tacky tourist t-shirts.

Yoongi turns to look and grins. “Sure,” he says and points to the white one that says I ♡ Malta in big obnoxious letters. “Let’s get that one.”

When Seokjin’s eyes widen in surprise, Yoongi laughs.

“Perfect,” Seokjin says. “Let’s put them on and take a picture. I’ll put it on my Instagram.”

“Great,” Yoongi says, an eyebrow quirking up as he dares Seokjin to actually do it.

“Great.” Seokjin goes to grab them, making a show of holding up two different sizes up to Yoongi to make sure they fit.

Yoongi grins the entire time, and Seokjin feels very pleased with himself as he marches to the register with the two t-shirts in hand. At no point does Yoongi back out, and in the end he and Yoongi end up outside, the t-shirts on over their clothes.

“Let’s get the water in the background,” Seokjin says, grabbing Yoongi’s arm and heading to a good spot.

Yoongi lets himself be dragged. They ask a stranger to please help them take a picture, and with the sky tinged with orange from the later afternoon sun, the sea a pretty blue, Seokjin puts his arm around Yoongi’s shoulders as they pose. Yoongi holds up a peace sign and laughs.

It’s a beautiful photo. It makes Seokjin feel light, like cotton candy, as he zooms in on the big smile on Yoongi’s face. “You look so cute,” he tells Yoongi. “We’re going to get so many likes.”

♡♡♡

[Team Kim Seokjin]

JK:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HYUNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JIN-HYUNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You two look so cute oh my god im losing my mind

Jimin:
i cant believe its really happening!!!

Hobi 😚✨🌻:
the fans are responding to it pretty positively too! everyone is saying you two look happy!

JK:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jwan:
i almost didn’t post the picture because i knew it would encourage you three

yoongi and i are having a nice time though

it’s been good

Hobi 😚✨🌻:
awww that’s sweet!!

Jimin:
are you in love yet? ♡.♡

Jwan:
goodbye crazy people

it’s time for breakfast here

JK:
Send more pictures!!!!!!!!

☆☆☆

They come to this Korean restaurant often. The food is great, and the staff is always overly friendly and excited when they spot Seokjin. They have already gotten a group picture with him, and they're quick to give them free desserts. Yoongi certainly isn't complaining.

Seokjin’s cheeks bulge out slightly from how much food he has stuffed into his mouth, looking blissfully, cartoonishly happy.

Yoongi can’t help but chuckle a little. “Good?” he asks and laughs even more when Seokjin just moans appreciatively.

They go back to Korea in just a few days, and as much as Yoongi is trying not to think about it, he can’t help but look around and try to memorize this place, this moment. Soon he will have to face the consequences of his mess back home, but not tonight. Tonight they’re eating kimchi jjigae after spending a very long day on set.

Yoongi had gotten up early to go with Seokjin, not really feeling like staying behind. He knows a handful of the people there now and is on very friendly terms with this one particularly nice PA. Sometimes being on set can be a bit boring, watching the same scene repeat on and on, but today Yoongi couldn’t look away. Today, he wanted to truly take in the art being created in front of him.

“Let’s eat here tomorrow too,” Seokjin says through his mouthful.

“Sure, fine by me,” Yoongi says before taking another mouthful. “Mmm. This reminds me so much of my uncle’s cooking — Taehyung’s dad, my mom’s brother. Everyone always said I looked exactly like him.” The words come out thoughtlessly, out into the air before he can stop himself.

He can remember being small in his uncle’s strong hold, being carried around a family party. His uncle’s rich laughter when Yoongi got called his little clone. It was his uncle, an omega himself, who had awkwardly explained to him what was going on with his body when puberty kicked in. It was his uncle who encouraged him to write his own music, while his parents scoffed and told him it was all a waste of time.

He blinks and the bittersweet memories fade away. Seokjin is staring at him. Yoongi clears his throat and looks away, wishing he hadn’t mentioned it.

“It must’ve been really hard when they passed.”

Yoongi shrugs a shoulder. “Not as hard as it was for Taehyung.”

“It might’ve been worse for him, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard for you.”

When Yoongi glances up, there’s sadness in Seokjin’s eyes. Right, Seokjin lost his mother. Yoongi definitely wishes he hadn’t brought this up. They'd done such a good job so far of sticking to light topics. The only time they ever talked about something serious was that day they went fishing.

Something clenches in Yoongi’s chest, that old grief he had locked away so many years ago. It’s not something he lets himself think about often. He wants to move on, to say forget it and change the topic, but the atmosphere has already stepped into new territory and something in Yoongi doesn't want to brush it away. He swallows thickly and admits, “It was hard. I spent a lot of time with my aunt and uncle — probably more time than with my own parents. It… it really sucked.”

That's the understatement of the century, and Yoongi feels blood rush to his face, feeling foolish. But Seokjin nods encouragingly, completely understanding, and Yoongi feels warmth fill him up that has nothing to do with the hot stew in his stomach.

“It feels so unfair, doesn't it?” Seokjin says.

“Yeah. It does. I used to feel really angry about it. Why them?”

Why them when Taehyung was still young and needed them? Why them when Yoongi looked up to his uncle so much, when he still needed him too. Yoongi has so many things he wishes he could talk to his uncle about, questions about what it even means to be both a man and an omega. So often it feels as if he’s blindly stumbling along with no clear path, and maybe it wouldn’t be so hard if he had someone to help guide him along.

“I'll never understand why things like that happen,” Seokjin says. “It seems too cruel.”

“You… you lost your mom.” Yoongi feels nervous to bring it up, worried about how Seokjin will react, but it feels important to acknowledge it now. “I wanted to say that I'm sorry. Jungkook says she was really sweet.”

Seokjin's answering smile is a bit tight but his voice is soft as he says, “Thank you. She was. She was really special.”

“I’m sure she was. She did a good job raising you.”

Yoongi meant it sincerely, but Seokjin laughs. “Did she?”

“You don’t think so?”

“I don’t know. I guess I’m more surprised that you think so.”

“I do have some complaints,” Yoongi jokes, making Seokjin laugh again. “But overall, yeah. I think she did a good job. You’re… you’re very different from what I thought. I’m glad I came with you.”

“I’m glad too. It went well, didn’t it?”

“Yeah. Way better than I ever thought. I don’t really want to go back.” At Seokjin’s concerned look, Yoongi hurries to add, “I know I have to. I just — I don’t really want to face it.”

“You don’t have to return to Hybe if you don’t want to. You’re so talented, I’m sure another label would—”

“No,” Yoongi says without even having to think about it. “I like it there. I like my studio and writing for Yeonjun. I like Jimin — though don’t you dare tell him I said that. I’ll deny it.”

Seokjin mimes zipping his lips, and it makes Yoongi smile despite the heavy feeling in his chest.

Yoongi says, “I’ll just have to face it. I’ll apologize and just… face the consequences.”

“What’s there to apologize for?”

“For everything.” Yoongi pushes a chunk of tofu with his spoon, trying to avoid looking at Seokjin. It’s embarrassing to say this out loud, but he supposes Seokjin has already seen him at his worst. “I shouldn’t have told Namjoon, and now Taehyung probably knows. I should’ve gotten over it when they got married.’

“You couldn’t help how you felt.”

“I could’ve kept quiet about it.”

“It wasn’t fair. They got their happy ending, and you had to shut up and put up with it?”

“Yes. I wanted them to be happy. That’s why — the whole reason you and I ended up married was so they could be happy. And I ruined it all in one second.”

“You deserve to be happy too.”

The words hurt. The heavy feeling in his chest grows, his insides squirming painfully as they reject the idea. He’s not sure he can be happy now. Not after everything that happened. Happiness was going to be his marriage to Namjoon. Happiness was going to be their beautiful life together. Now? What hope is there?

“Are you happy?” Yoongi asks, finally looking back up at Seokjin and finding him staring.

Seokjin seems to think about it for a moment before answering carefully, “I try to be. My mom, in her last days, made me promise her that I would be happy. It hasn’t exactly been easy, but the best way I’ve found for that is just to be silly. Seeing Jungkook laugh, seeing Hoseok laugh — that makes me happy, and so I use that to keep me going.”

“So that’s why you act that way? Like you don’t care about anything?”

“Well, sometimes it’s just fun to piss off high class assholes who think I should be ashamed to be alive. In my situation, they were never going to think highly of me, so if they see me as an idiot, that’s fine.”

“Ah, so you are aware of how you come off then,” Yoongi jokes, and Seokjin’s answering laugh makes Yoongi feel a little less tense.

“Most of the time, yes, I’m aware. But I do care about things. I mean, maybe it comes off like I don’t, but I care about the things that matter. The people that matter.” Seokjin’s leg bumps against Yoongi’s under the table, an encouraging tap. “I care about you. You’ve got me in your corner, dear Yoongi. I hope you know that.”

“Thank you, hyung,” Yoongi says, the words feeling funny as they come out but no less sincere. Something like embarrassment bubbles up in him, but he ignores it as he admits, “I’m glad to know you’ll be there when we go back.”

“Of course.” Seokjin’s smile is sweet and honest. “Everything will be okay. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but it will.”

Insanely, for no reason at all, Yoongi believes him. He smiles back. “Of course. How can I doubt international sensation sunshine rainbow traditional transfer USB hub shrimp Kim Seokjin?”

Seokjin laughs and so Yoongi laughs, and the seed of hope that’s been planted in Yoongi begins to sprout.

♡♡♡

Their last day in Malta, Seokjin wakes up to warmth all along his back. It takes him a second to process what exactly is happening, but when his brain finally catches up, he doesn’t dare move a muscle. It’s Yoongi.

A few times they’ve woken up touching. It was never too big of a deal, since the bed isn’t exactly huge. Just arms pressed against each other. A knee touching a thigh. Things like that. But this… this is definitely not like any of those other times.

Seokjin can feel Yoongi’s soft breathing somewhere around the nape of his neck, and Yoongi’s legs are pressed against the back of Seokjin’s. They’re spooning, basically, and Seokjin is trying very hard not to panic. Yoongi’s arm isn’t around Seokjin’s waist, so it must be tucked somewhere between their bodies.

Seokjin doesn’t know what to do. Yoongi probably wouldn’t be happy to wake up like this, and the last thing Seokjin wants is for him to feel uncomfortable.

This friendship they’ve managed to build is still fragile. He doesn't want anything to mess up the progress they’ve made. When they’d first arrived, Yoongi had looked so miserable, as if hollowed out by it. And now, though there are still gloomy moments, Yoongi has light in his eyes again. He’s been sleeping better, no more middle of the night crying — at least none that Seokjin has caught.

Seokjin doesn't want to lose that just because they shifted around a bit in the middle of the night.

He needs to move, but there's no way that he'll be able to do that without waking Yoongi up. They're pressed too close together. The warmth of Yoongi's body is seeping into Seokjin. It's… soothing.

His eyelids begin to close without his permission. He needs to think of a plan, find a solution to this before it becomes a mess, but it feels nice to have another person close like this. Intimate.

Yoongi, with his pretty chicken pox scars and aligning dots. Yoongi, with his cute pout. Yoongi, safe and warm here beside Seokjin. Hopefully having good dreams.

Seokjin falls back asleep without meaning to.

Chapter Text

☆☆☆

[Taehyungie]

Taehyungie:
Hi hyung. I heard you were coming back today. Get here safely

Please let me know if I can come see you

I really miss you

Yoongi:
Let’s meet up tomorrow

I miss you too

☆☆☆

Yoongi stares at the texts he just sent with cold terror running through his veins. He’s not ready. He’s had a month to come up with something to say, some sort of plan, but he has nothing.

He throws his phone onto his bed. The only things in there are a ton of junk emails, that text from Taehyung, a few old texts from Jimin, and nothing from Namjoon. Part of him is relieved, but another part…

He scrubs a hand over his face, feeling frustrated with himself. He doesn't want to do this anymore. He doesn't want to feel this way about Namjoon, doesn't want to waste any more of his life regretting what could have been.

And Taehyung… well, at least from his text he doesn't seem angry. Yoongi will just have to bear the shame of it, somehow.

Feeling miserable, Yoongi goes into his bathroom to wash up for bed. Everything is exactly as he left it, which is to say a complete mess. It feels surreal to be back in Korea. It certainly doesn't help that they spent twenty hours traveling and the time difference is fucking him up.

Somehow it feels as though this life here — here in his room with all of his belongings — is simply a dream. Something strange and alien that he will wake up from soon. Real life, his brain tells him as he turns off all the lights and climbs into bed, is back in Malta. Real life is the blue sea and the sound of seagulls in the morning. Real life is a busy movie set and walking around aimlessly after dinner.

The bed feels cold and too big as Yoongi shifts around, trying to get comfortable. He feels restless. It’s jetlag, he tells himself, and definitely not the fact that he is no longer used to sleeping alone. One month couldn’t change him that much, could it? Besides, it’s probably a good thing that they’re no longer sharing a bed. Yoongi was getting a little too comfortable.

Embarrassment burns through him as he remembers their last day in Malta. He'd woken up practically glued to Seokjin's back. Thankfully Seokjin had been asleep, and Yoongi had managed to extract himself without waking him up. It would’ve been mortifying otherwise. It’s good that he’s here, alone in his cold room, safely away from the temptation of inching closer to Seokjin at night.

He closes his eyes and tries not to think about how real life is letting Seokjin’s even breathing lull him to sleep.

☆☆☆

Yoongi had expected many different reactions from Taehyung. He'd been prepared to see an angry Taehyung, a jealous Taehyung, maybe even a conflicted Taehyung. He had expected some sort of fight. Expected Taehyung to hurl some well deserved accusations, perhaps.

But what he finds when he opens the door is Taehyung standing on the other side with a look so miserable that Yoongi immediately feels a spike of panic. His eyes are glassy, and his voice is small as he says, “Hi, hyung.”

Yoongi stands there, eyes wide, for a second too long. “Come in,” he finally says as he shakes himself out of it. “Let’s, uh, let’s sit down.”

The anxiety already clawing up his chest only doubles as they both sit down on the couch. Yoongi had barely been able to take a bite of the breakfast Seokjin made for him and Jungkook this morning. Seokjin had looked worried, and when Yoongi had at last told him that Taehyung was coming over later, Seokjin had grabbed Jungkook and promised to stay away until Yoongi texted him to come back.

Yoongi is grateful for the privacy as the silence between him and Taehyung grows more and more tense. Something is going to break, Yoongi just knows it. He resists the urge to bite his nails as he considers what to say. Nothing feels right.

Taehyung beats him to it by saying, “Namjoon-hyung told me…”

Shame fills Yoongi. His gaze drops to the floor, unable to look at his cousin. A knot forms in his throat.

Taehyung says, “He was really shocked. He had no idea, but I… I…” A choking sort of noise escapes Taehyung, causing Yoongi to look up. Tears stain his cheeks as he forces out, “I’m so sorry, hyung. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.”

That’s the last thing Yoongi expected. He stares at Taehyung for a second, mouth open, before asking, “How? How is it your fault?”

“I should have known that you loved him. I should have realized it and — and it’s my fault you’re not married. I'll divorce him, hyung.” Taehyung covers his face with his hands as he begins to cry, crumbling into himself.

Yoongi feels frozen, his thoughts running in a hundred different directions. It doesn’t make any sense. Hesitantly, afraid he’s completely misunderstanding the situation, he moves to sit closer and brings an arm around Taehyung’s shoulders. Taehyung immediately shifts so that he’s fully leaning against Yoongi, his arms wrapping around him as he cries into Yoongi’s chest.

Yoongi rubs his back and says, “I never told you how I felt. You didn’t know.”

Taehyung only continues crying. Slowly, the shock of Taehyung’s reaction begins to wear off and instead Yoongi just feels confused and worried. He hugs him tight, continues rubbing his back, suddenly feeling as if they’re very young again. There’s something comforting in this, in inhabiting the familiar role of Taehyung’s protector.

These months apart suddenly feel unimportant. The anger and resentment he had felt so strongly seems to melt as he holds Taehyung close. Yoongi closes his eyes and breathes in the familiar scent of Taehyung’s shampoo and feels his heart expand.

“Taehyungie,” he says softly, “I’m sorry.”

Taehyung shakes his head and chokes on a sob. “No,” Taehyung manages.

Yoongi pulls back from the embrace just enough to see Taehyung’s face. It’s wet with tears, his nose red and runny. Yoongi sighs. “Hold on, I’ll get you some tissues.”

He gets up to grab them from the other side of the room where he knows Seokjin keeps a box stashed in the TV stand. Taehyung still looks miserable, but he has stopped crying when Yoongi sits down next to him again. Yoongi stays silent as Taehyung wipes his face and blows his nose.

“I don’t know what’s going on,” Yoongi admits.

Taehyung’s bottom lip wobbles again. He takes another tissue and balls it into his fist. “I ruined everything. I thought that — no I knew that something wasn’t right. I’m making excuses. I did know.”

Yoongi’s heart twists painfully with something like fear. “Start from the beginning.”

“I asked you. Do you remember? When Namjoon-hyung and I were just — when we were still only talking — I asked you if you had feelings for him. You said he was your best friend and that there were worse picks your parents could have gone with.” Taehyung looks so guilty as he says, “I remember that moment so well. I kept telling myself that that meant you didn’t really have feelings for him, but I know you. If you hadn’t loved him, you would’ve just said you didn’t, right? But you did love him and so you evaded the question, like you always do. I know you, hyung. I just made myself believe otherwise because it was the answer I wanted. I’m so sorry.”

Yoongi doesn’t know what to think. He doesn’t remember that moment, but of course he’d denied it. He had never admitted to anyone the way he felt about Namjoon. He was happy to let everyone think it was just an arrangement he was okay with. He never wanted anyone to know that he had his hopes up, that he had fallen deeply for the man who would be his mate. It felt too vulnerable to ever say out loud how much he wanted to be loved by Namjoon.

Regret sinks its teeth into him as he realizes his mistake. If he had answered honestly? If he had been brave and admitted, despite his discomfort, that he had pinned all of his hopes and dreams on Namjoon? That he burned with love for him? If he had just done that, things would have turned out differently.

Differently, but not necessarily better. Yoongi swallows thickly and shakes his head. “Namjoon loves you, not me. He didn't want me. It doesn't matter.”

“We'll get a divorce—”

“No, Taehyung, come on. That wouldn't fix anything, and it would just ruin your life.”

“I hurt you,” Taehyung says, his eyes full of tears again. Yoongi's heart breaks open, hot tears prickling his own eyes. “You weren’t just mad at me because of Seokjin-hyung, were you? You were hurt. I hurt you, and I’m so sorry. If I had known I would lose you, I would’ve never married Namjoon-hyung. I want to take it back.”

Yoongi quickly wipes away the tear that escapes, feeling embarrassed. He doesn’t want to feel weak, doesn’t want to admit to the pain he experienced — the pain he still feels. He wants to be the hyung with all the answers. He wants to be strong, unbreakable.

And what does it fix to be angry at Taehyung now? What’s done is done, and Yoongi wants to accept that. He wants to move on. He made the choice to marry Seokjin, to take the blame on his shoulders, so that Namjoon and Taehyung would be happy. It can’t all have been for nothing.

“It’s okay,” Yoongi says, feeling relieved when his voice doesn’t waver. “You fell in love, and Namjoon loves you back. That's all there is to it. Right now you’re going through a rough patch but you’ll fix things up and then we’ll all be happy, okay? I’ll get over this, and we’ll all be okay.”

“But—”

“Please, Taehyung. I didn’t mean to tell Namjoon. I didn’t want anyone to know. But now that you do, I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I want to move on.”

Taehyung still looks like he wants to protest, so Yoongi holds out his hand. Taehyung instantly takes it.

“You’re not getting divorced. You’re going to be happy and you’re going to make Namjoon happy. Okay? That’s what I want.”

Taehyung squeezes Yoongi’s hand, his grip almost painful, but he nods.

“You were right, by the way,” Yoongi says.

“About what?”

“Seokjin-hyung.”

Taehyung’s eyes widen comically, and Yoongi leans into the laugh that bubbles up in him, glad to step away from the tension. “I saw the pictures he uploaded, but it’s still shocking to hear you call him hyung. Wow.” Slowly, a smile makes its way onto Taehyung’s face. “I’m so glad you finally see it. I’m glad your trip was okay. Jungkook was so happy — he thinks you two are going to fall in love, y’know.”

“Oh, I’m aware.”

“He kept telling me you two were having a good time, but I was still really worried.”

“It was fine. More than fine, really. Things between us are good now. So don’t worry, alright?”

“I’ll worry,” Taehyung says, pulling Yoongi’s hand until it’s cradled to his chest. “I love you, hyung. You're so important to me.” He squeezes Yoongi's hand again. “I'm sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. I forgive you, okay? We're fine.”

“Are we? You've been distant with me. I get it now, I mean I understand why, but… I miss you so much. All the time.”

“I'm sorry. I just…”

“I know. It must’ve been hard.” Taehyung sighs. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, hyung.”

Yoongi scoffs, but Taehyung is still cradling his hand and Yoongi can feel his steady heartbeat. He knows Taehyung means it. Yoongi says, “You can start by never bringing this up again.”

“Whatever you say,” Taehyung says, and finally frees Yoongi's hand before pulling him into a crushing hug.

Yoongi squirms in his hold. “I need to breathe, you know.”

“No you don't,” Taehyung says firmly, but he loosens his hold just a little, enough that Yoongi can manage to actually hug him back.

It feels good to hug Taehyung like this, like they both mean it. It feels good to feel like he soothed Taehyung’s worry. Taehyung might not be the little kid running after him anymore, might not be the grieving thirteen year old either, but Yoongi will always be his hyung.

He makes a silent promise in that moment that he is going to get over his love for Namjoon no matter what it takes. He will do it for himself and he will do it for Taehyung, to truly be happy for him one day. He swears it.

♡♡♡

“It better be chocolate,” Seokjin says as Hoseok comes out of the kitchen holding a cake. The candles on it are lit, and they illuminate Hoseok's grin as he laughs.

“It's vanilla, actually,” Hoseok says.

Seokjin narrows his eyes and scans Hoseok's face. “You're lying.”

Hoseok immediately breaks and starts laughing, setting down the cake in front of Seokjin. It's only a few days after Seokjin's actual birthday, but his friends had insisted on coming over to celebrate with him on his day off.

Now they're here, sitting around the dining room table, all of them wearing stupid little party hats at Jungkook's insistence. Seokjin doesn't really mind, not when he looks over to his right and sees Yoongi there with one on too. Seokjin has already snapped a few pictures of him, but his fingers itch to grab his phone again and take a couple more. Yoongi just looks so cute with it on.

“Of course we'd get you chocolate, hyung,” Jimin says from where he's seated next to Yoongi. “You'd throw a tantrum otherwise.”

“I would not. I would handle it very maturely. I'd simply toss it on the floor.”

They all laugh, even Yoongi, and Seokjin feels something in his chest expand at the sound. He's still not entirely used to making Yoongi laugh. It always feels like an accomplishment.

They've been back in Korea for a little over a week, but already Seokjin finds himself missing their life back in Malta. He barely had a couple of days off before he was back to filming for the movie, and as a consequence it feels as though he hardly has any time to spend with Yoongi.

It's been frustrating. He can't help but worry about him, can't help but constantly wonder what he's doing. Yoongi said that his talk with Taehyung had gone well, but still, Yoongi seems preoccupied whenever Seokjin does catch a glimpse of him. He can tell from Yoongi's tired appearance that he hasn't been sleeping well either.

If he had to bet money on it, he would guess that Yoongi's worried about going back to work in a couple of days. It worries Seokjin too. He knows he shouldn't meddle with Yoongi's life, but a big part of him wants to walk into Hybe and tell Namjoon that if he upsets Yoongi even once, Seokjin will personally make it his mission to ruin him. Of course, that would probably only make Yoongi upset and so Seokjin won't, but it's a nice fantasy to slip into when he's on set for long hours.

“Alright, let's sing happy birthday already before the wax starts melting,” Jungkook says.

“You just want cake,” Seokjin says, but motions for them to start singing.

He smiles through the short song, his ears feeling a little hot from all of the attention. But it feels good to be here with his friends, and it feels even better when his eyes land once again on Yoongi and sees that he's smiling too.

It's a happy afternoon as they enjoy eating cake and laughing and talking. It's interesting to see how easily Yoongi fits into their group. Seokjin had been surprised by it during Jungkook's birthday weekend, and now, seeing the way Yoongi and Jimin tease each other, the fond looks Yoongi gives Jungkook, the easy conversation between Yoongi and Hoseok, it feels as if Yoongi has always belonged with them.

Jimin, Yoongi, and Jungkook are chatting as they clean up and start on the dishes in the kitchen, while Seokjin and Hoseok clean up the dining room, gathering plates and packing away the leftover food.

Hoseok shoots Seokjin another obvious smile, the same one Jimin and Jungkook have been giving him too, and says in a whisper, “You two are so cute together, hyung.”

“You guys are being annoying,” Seokjin whispers back, sending Hoseok a little glare that only makes him laugh. “He's gonna feel weird.”

“We're not doing anything. What are we doing?”

“You watch us like we’re animals at the zoo. Every time Yoongi and I talk, you all smile and nudge each other.”

“We're just happy for you. It's just so nice that you're finally getting along. I had my doubts, but Jungkook and Jimin were right.”

“No they weren't.”

Hoseok only laughs and walks away to take his stack of dirty dishes to the kitchen.

It's late at night by the time everything is cleaned up and their little party is over. Seokjin feels full and happy as he and Jungkook wish Yoongi a good night. Yoongi heads to his room, and Seokjin waddle-walks to his own room with a heavy Jungkook draped over his back.

“You're heavy,” Seokjin complains, but Jungkook only giggles devilishly and holds on tighter.

It's with great effort that Seokjin manages to dislodge Jungkook and throw him on the bed. Jungkook bounces and then is instantly sitting up and snatching a little gift bag that had been sitting on Seokjin's pillow. “What's this?”

“I don't know,” Seokjin says, staring at it in confusion.

Jungkook opens the bag and pulls out a fishing hat. There's a bright green and pink fish embroidered on it. “Aw, this is cute.” He stands up and puts it on Seokjin's head. “It looks good on you.”

“Of course. Everything looks good on me. Is there a note?”

Jungkook rummages around the bag, pulling out the tissue paper, but there's nothing else in there. “Nope.”

“Probably Hoseok. I'll text him. Don't you have to work early tomorrow?”

“Ugh, don't remind me,” Jungkook groans before pulling Seokjin into a hug. “Happy birthday, hyung.”

“It's not my birthday.”

“Happy birthday part two.”

“Sure,” Seokjin says with a huff of laughter and gives Jungkook one last squeeze before sending him off to his own room.

♡♡♡

[Hobi 😚✨🌻]

Jwan:
thanks for the hat!

Hobi 😚✨🌻:
what hat?

Jwan:
you didn't leave a hat in my room?

Hobi 😚✨🌻:
no, wasn't me

maybe kookie left it for you?

Jwan:
oh i know who

[Jimin]

Jwan:
jiminie thank you for the hat

i knew immediately it was you. who else but our sweet little gift giver? it's beautiful, i love it

it made me realize i'm in love with you, actually 😚

Jimin:
hahahahaha what are you talking about??

what hat??

Jwan:
😗

it wasn’t you either?

Jimin:
no lol

Jwan:
nevermind then, love confession revoked

Jimin:
😝

♡♡♡

Well, then. That leaves only one other suspect, doesn’t it?

Seokjin holds the hat in his hands for a long moment. Yoongi bought him a present. Yoongi went out and bought him something and left it in here for him. Yoongi. His heart feels fluttery, and he has to put a hand over it and take a few deep breaths to get himself to calm down.

This is good. This is very good. He had worried, as they headed to the airport on their way to Korea, that their newfound friendship might not survive the transition back. But they arrived back home and Yoongi still smiles at him. They haven’t slid back. Yoongi bought him a present.

Seokjin puts it back on his head and leaves his room, going all the way down the hallway to Yoongi’s room. He only feels a little nervous as he knocks on the door.

The door opens to a familiar sight. Yoongi in a big t-shirt and shorts, looking like he’s all ready for bed. His eyes go to the hat but he shows no sign of recognition. He only raises an inquiring eyebrow.

“You gave me this?” The words come out as a question despite Seokjin’s intention.

It’s only then that Yoongi looks away, an embarrassed air about him. “Ah. Yeah.”

Seokjin grins. “It’s very nice. Thank you.”

“It’s no big deal,” Yoongi says, definitely embarrassed now. It only makes Seokjin feel happier. “I just thought, y’know, in case you find time to go fishing again.”

“I love it.”

“It’s just a hat.”

“Don’t I look extra handsome in it, though?”

Yoongi’s scoff turns into a laugh. “I guess the hat does cover half of your face, so. Yes, it does make you look better.”

Seokjin clutches at his heart, pretending to be hurt. “Ah, your cruel words wound me. And on this day of all days? On my birthday?”

“It’s not really your birthday.”

“Oh right, I guess it’s not. Well then all is forgiven.”

Yoongi shakes his head, but he’s still smiling wide. A surge of fondness fills Seokjin’s heart. A lifetime by Yoongi’s side really looks more like a blessing than anything else.

☆☆☆

Yoongi’s legs shake as he enters Hybe. He doubts anyone knows what exactly happened, but still he keeps his eyes on the floor as he hurries to his studio. His heart feels like it's going to explode.

No one stops him on his way. His code still works after he punches it in. He quickly goes inside and closes the door behind him, dropping his backpack on the couch before collapsing into his desk chair.

Fuck. He did it. He's here. He hadn’t been sure he'd make it out the door this morning, but somehow he did.

Yoongi groans as he scrubs a hand over his face. He will have to make it through the day. “It's fine,” he says out loud. “Everything will be okay. Everything will be okay.”

The words continue to echo in his mind as his heartbeat slowly returns to normal, though it's not in his own voice. Distantly, he's aware that it's Seokjin's words he's repeating, though he doesn't have time to focus on that right now. He has a hundred things to do, a hundred things to catch up on, and he somehow has to do it without having a panic attack.

He takes a deep breath and figures turning on his computer is the first step, so he does that. He puts on his headphones and gets to work.

A couple of hours go by as he gets into the groove of it. He’s focused enough that his anxiety has quieted to an uncomfortable unease that he is able to ignore. He vaguely hopes that Jimin will come by to visit, but he can’t quite bring himself to be the one to extend the invitation. He could tell that Jimin was full of burning questions during Seokjin’s birthday dinner, but for whatever reason he’d held back. Yoongi’s not sure he really wants to face that particular maze today.

A sound catches his attention. His heart stops. He pauses the track he’d been listening to and takes off his headphones. Another soft knock on the door.

Yoongi knows it’s not Jimin. He knows exactly who it is. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for just a moment, before calling out, “Come in.’

Namjoon walks in and closes the door behind him, the audible click reverberating inside of Yoongi. It’s with a lot of effort and self-control that Yoongi forces himself to look at Namjoon's eyes.

They look sad. Namjoon's hair looks limp, his posture screams exhaustion, and the only thing that keeps Yoongi from looking away is his stubborn, bruised pride.

“Let's just forget about it, okay?” Yoongi hurries to say.

Namjoon's expression twists into one of agony, and Yoongi can't do it. Fuck his pride. He can’t look at Namjoon and say the words he rehearsed last night. His gaze drops to the floor. He's not sure if he's glad that Namjoon feels bad or if he hates that Namjoon pities him.

“I'm sorry,” Namjoon says. “I didn't know—”

“It's fine. I'll get over it.”

Namjoon sighs, heavy and deep. “We need to talk about this.”

“What's there to say? Are you going to fire me?”

“No, of course not. I would never — hyung, did you really think I'd do that?”

Guilt kicks at Yoongi. He forces himself to shrug. “Not exactly, but I just… I thought maybe it would be better that way.”

“What are you saying? You want to quit?” The alarm in his voice almost makes Yoongi look up.

Almost.

“No. I don't. But I just… I think it's best if we give each other space for a while.”

There's shocked silence. And then Namjoon's defeated voice saying, “Okay. If that's what you need, if…” Another sigh. “Hyung, if I had known—”

“Stop,” Yoongi says, his eyes closing in a wince. He adds, “Please. I really don't want to hear it.”

Another silence. Yoongi knows Namjoon is looking at him, can feel his heavy gaze. It takes everything he has not to jump from this chair and run out the door.

“Okay,” Namjoon says at last, something defeated in his voice. “Just… let me know when you're ready to hear it.”

Yoongi nods. His traitorous eyes glance up, taking in the anguished look on Namjoon’s face. It hurts somewhere deep inside — like an arrow piercing through him — to know that Namjoon is hurting too. But this time he can't fold. This time he can't put Namjoon first.

This has to stop.

Yoongi looks away, and Namjoon pauses by the door for another moment before he steps out.

Silence.

Yoongi stares at the door, a storm of feelings brewing in him. Humiliation and anger and heartbreak. Shame and sadness. But he's surprised to find that one feeling wins out above the others. Relief.

He did it. He's here, and he faced it. The most painful part is over.

It doesn't hurt as much as he had feared. It doesn’t drown him the way it had when Namjoon and Taehyung first broke the news to him. His head is still above the water, still breathing. He supposes that this time he was prepared. This time it was his choice.

He wants his promise to be true. He wants to stop loving Namjoon. He doesn't want to hurt anymore. He doesn't want to miss someone who will never come home to him. He's tired.

He has no clue how he'll make it happen, but he's determined. He has loved Namjoon for so long that he's not sure he remembers what it was like before, when his heart belonged to him. He will force it back, one way or another.

The one good thing about this whole mess, the only true conclusion he has arrived on, is this cruel lesson: love is not for him. He never wants to fall in love again, not if love means losing so much of yourself, not if it means letting someone have control over your heart. Never again.

He will get better. He will live a life outside of this pain, and he will make sure it never happens again. He doesn't need it.

He turns back to his computer screen and blinks at it for a while, eyes unseeing. His mind and heart are in chaos, but still, somewhere in there, the reassuring chant continues.

Everything will be okay.

He grabs his phone, looking for a distraction. He's surprised to find one already there. A message from Seokjin.

[Kim Seokjin]

Kim Seokjin:
hey, i put some food in your backpack

make sure you eat it while it’s still fresh

Food? Yoongi grabs his backpack and opens it up. Sure enough, there is a wrapped up container in there. There’s also a note with a little drawing that says, Eat well. Yoongi squints and tilts his head to the left. Is that… supposed to be a dog? A very horribly deformed bear, perhaps?

He huffs out a laugh and tucks the note into his drawer, intending to get Jimin's opinion on it at some point. The food looks delicious, and his stomach is quick to remind him he left the house without eating anything.

Yoongi:
Thank you hyung 😋

☆☆☆

Yoongi feels wrung out by the time he trudges back to the apartment. He thinks longingly of his bathtub as he enters, pausing to kick his shoes off by the door.

It's not too late in the afternoon, and he doesn't expect Seokjin to be home yet. The sounds from the kitchen must be Jungkook then.

“Jungkook?” Yoongi calls out as he puts his backpack down and walks towards the kitchen. “Are you making dinner?”

Yoongi stops short as he sees Seokjin there.

Seokjin turns to him, an apron tied around his waist. “It’s me. Jungkook’s in his room right now. I told him I'd make dinner.”

“Hyung,” Yoongi says, a smile automatically overtaking his lips. “You're back early for once.”

“Yeah, I got lucky. I ran home before they could change their mind about letting me go for the day. Dinner should be ready in about an hour, I think. Are you hungry? I can make you a snack.”

“I can wait for dinner,” Yoongi says and decides his bath can wait too. “Want some help?”

Seokjin seems happy with the offer, quickly grabbing a spare apron and handing it to Yoongi. He launches into a story about his day on set as they work around each other in the kitchen.

Yoongi doesn't notice until he's grabbing some ingredients from the fridge. When he closes the door, it's there nestled among all of the photos. A photo from Seokjin's birthday dinner, one that Hoseok must have taken. Yoongi can remember the moment, they'd all just gotten a big slice of cake, the party hats still on, and Jungkook had done an impression of Jimin that made them all burst out laughing. Everyone looks so happy in the photo, even Yoongi.

“Oh yeah,” Seokjin says, noticing what Yoongi is staring at. “I got a few pictures printed out. It's a good one, isn't it? Hobi takes the best photos.”

Yoongi smiles, a bright feeling warming him up. Yes, it's a very good photo.

♡♡♡

“It’s freezing,” Seokjin complains as they walk down the street towards a new restaurant Jungkook wanted to go to. It’s Christmas, and all around them couples are out enjoying their romantic night. The pretty fairy lights illuminating everything don’t stop the wind from biting at his nose.

“Why did he insist on walking if he’s not even going to walk with us?” Yoongi asks next to Seokjin. Jungkook is so far ahead of them that he almost blends into the crowd. “Hey! Jungkook!”

Jungkook glances back, spots them, and then starts walking even faster.

“Weird,” Yoongi says, looking genuinely confused, and it makes Seokjin laugh as fondness fills him up.

Yoongi looks adorable. His beanie has a pompom at the top, and the big scarf wrapped around his neck practically swallows him up, protecting him from the icy wind. Seokjin feels pretty proud of himself for thinking to wrap it around Yoongi before they stepped out. Yoongi won’t be cold on Seokjin’s watch.

“Come on, isn’t it obvious?” Seokjin asks. “I was honestly surprised you even agreed to come.”

Yoongi frowns, his pouty confused one. “What’s obvious?”

“It’s Christmas. He’s setting us up. As soon as we get to the restaurant, he’s going to ditch us.”

Yoongi stops walking for a second as it hits him, and then he laughs. “What part of walking in the freezing cold is romantic?”

“Ah, you should really catch up on some dramas. The snow, the twinkling lights, huddling together for warmth. Sharing a hot choco. They’re all classic tropes, dear Yoongi. I’ve done a few scenes like that myself, actually. Should I be offended that you haven’t seen my dramas?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll give you a list of my best work.”

“I liked you in that gum commercial.” Yoongi gives him a mischievous little grin and adds, “You didn’t talk at all in that one.”

“Yah! So rude.”

Yoongi’s shoulders shake in silent laughter, and Seokjin finds himself grinning too. He loves seeing Yoongi’s playful side. It’s been coming out more and more as the days go by. Seokjin had noticed the new stack of self-help books on Yoongi’s desk, had noticed the way Yoongi spends more time with him and Jungkook, no longer locking himself away in his room. He must be sleeping better too because he doesn’t have that exhausted air to him anymore. Seokjin is very happy to see the improvements.

As expected, just a few minutes after they’re seated in a private corner of the restaurant, Jungkook’s phone rings. Jungkook, who had basically been staring at his phone expectantly, quickly answers with, “Jimin-hyung! What is it?”

The volume of Jungkook’s speaker is on its loudest setting, letting them overhear when Jimin dramatically says, “Kookie! You won’t believe it! There’s a bug emergency here at our apartment! We need you to come immediately and rescue us!”

“A bug emergency?” Jungkook repeats, his eyes too wide. “Of course, I’ll be right there!”

“Hurry! I think Hobi-hyung is crying! There’s so many bugs!”

“I’m on my way,” Jungkook says and hangs up. He looks at Yoongi and then at Seokjin and says gravely, “I have to go. Please eat without me. I’ll eat with Jimin-hyung and Hobi-hyung.”

Yoongi looks amused as he says, “Of course, you better hurry. It sounds very serious.”

Jungkook does a little salute and practically runs out of the restaurant.

“He’s so heroic,” Seokjin says.

“Yes, I’m sure the bugs are quaking in fear knowing their end is coming soon.” Yoongi picks up the menu again and asks, “What looks good here?”

Dinner is great. Jungkook did a good job picking out the restaurant. The food is delicious, and Seokjin and Yoongi spend the whole time chatting happily about whatever random things come to mind. Yoongi looks so cute as he tells Seokjin all about this new equipment he ordered, making funny noises as he tries to explain what exactly it’s gonna add to his music. Seokjin only understands about half of it, but it doesn’t really matter. By the end, their bellies are full of delicious food and Seokjin has laughed so much that his cheeks ache. He’s happy to be here with Yoongi. He’s happy when their waitress shyly asks if he can give her his autograph. He’s happy as Yoongi wraps himself up in his big scarf again.

Seokjin finds that he doesn’t really mind the cold anymore as they step outside. He could walk for hours if it means spending more time with Yoongi. He has missed this so much, their afternoon strolls. He likes having Yoongi beside him once again, likes having his attention all to himself.

When they walk by a cafe, Seokjin insists they grab a couple of hot chocos. Yoongi doesn’t protest, and soon they’re slowly making their way back home with steaming cups keeping their hands warm. Seokjin glances at Yoongi, sees that he has a happy little smile on his face, and feels like he’s on top of the world.

Seokjin sips his hot choco and wishes they could walk a little closer. Wishes he could reach out and hold Yoongi's hand, make sure it's nice and warm. The Christmas lights really do look romantic.

It's late by the time they get home. Yoongi is yawning in the elevator, and he looks ready to head straight to bed as they say goodnight in the hallway. He gives Seokjin one last sleepy smile before heading to his own room.

Seokjin’s heart feels tender, as if holding so much happiness has bruised it. He lingers in the living room as he struggles to accept that the night is over. He wishes it wasn’t. He wishes he could follow Yoongi. Wishes they could get under the covers together. Wishes he could pull him close and… kiss him.

Well… fuck.

Jungkook’s stupid little plan worked, he thinks. He has a crush on Yoongi. He can admit to himself — rather reluctantly — that he has always found Yoongi attractive, that he probably would’ve fallen for him immediately if Yoongi hadn’t thought the worst of him back then. But now that they’re getting along, now that Yoongi smiles at him so sweetly, Seokjin never stood a chance. Yoongi is so talented and funny and brilliant and beautiful. It’s a wonder that the whole world isn’t in love with him. Any sane person would be.

Namjoon, he thinks bitterly, is the biggest fucking idiot on the planet.

☆☆☆

[Park Jimin]

Yoongi:
Did the bugs eat your face?

Park Jimin:
jungkook got here just in time ^^

Yoongi:
What a shame

Park Jimin:
😡

Chapter Text

☆☆☆

“Wah,” Jimin says as Yoongi makes another basket. They snuck away into an empty practice room that conveniently also has a basketball hoop, and Yoongi is maybe showing off a little.

Yoongi gives a shrug full of fake modesty, his face obnoxiously smug. As expected, Jimin giggles, running along to pick up the ball.

“I used to be on my school’s team,” Yoongi brags.

“Seriously? They picked an omega to join the team?”

“Not exactly. When my family moved to Seoul, I didn’t tell anyone I was an omega. I’m sure if they’d known they would’ve found an excuse not to let me join. My mom just about had a heart attack when I told her.” Yoongi snorts out laugh, the memory still tinged with teenage bitterness. “I was a bit more rebellious back then.”

Back when he used to blast rap music in his room and get into constant fights with his parents. Back when he dreamed of being on stage and creating something bigger than himself. He’d been young and full of anger, and maybe he would’ve done it, would’ve left his parents’ house and never looked back — but then he met Namjoon. Slowly, his dreams started changing, trading a life on stage for a life next to Namjoon. He realized that his dreams were unrealistic anyway — a male omega rapping? A male omega who is neither pretty like an omega should be nor buff and macho the way a man should be — and if he wanted to keep his place next to Namjoon then he had to behave himself. He had to conform himself to what was expected of him as Namjoon’s future mate.

It had seemed like a fair trade, back then.

Jimin hugs the ball to his chest and says, “Ah, so you were a bad boy, huh?” dragging Yoongi back to the present. “Well your engagement to Seokjin-hyung caused quite the splash, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.” He gives Yoongi a leering smile and waggles his eyebrows. “Are you ready to tell me all of the juicy details from your romantic getaway together?”

“There’s nothing to tell.”

Jimin groans. “Just tell me! It’s been weeks — are you really never going to tell me what happened?”

“There’s really nothing—”

“Hyung, come on! One day you two aren’t friends and the next you’re all over his Instagram. Something had to happen!”

“I’m in like three posts.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you were his phone background.”

“We went on a trip together and became friends. That’s it.” Yoongi laughs as Jimin makes a ridiculous face, eyes rolling back, mouth grimacing. “Sorry to disappoint you so much.”

“Mating season is coming up, y’know. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a handsome alpha help you with that? Do you get your heat in April or May? I usually get mine in April.”

“Are you gonna keep holding the ball hostage or what?”

“Fine, I’ll drop it, but! If I make this next shot, you have to kiss Jin-hyung.” Jimin looks so delighted by the suggestion, practically giggling just at the thought.

“Deal,” Yoongi says. “I’m very confident you’ll miss. Go ahead.”

Jimin turns and hesitates for too long, overanalyzing the shot. Yoongi smirks. He waits for the ball to arc in the air, hit the rim, and bounce away before he starts doing a little dance, his whole body wiggling.

“Let me try again!”

“No way,” Yoongi says, grabbing the ball as it rolls closer to him. “You lost. Ha ha ha.”

Jimin shakes a tiny fist at him in mock anger, and Yoongi grins as he turns back to the hoop and makes a perfect throw.

“Best two out of three,” Jimin says as he runs to grab the ball.

Yoongi takes a moment to appreciate the fact that he feels happy right now. He’s been reading advice columns and self-help books, listening to any podcast he can find about getting over someone. He’s been following their advice, trying to notice when he feels good instead of focusing so much on the times he slips into bad thoughts. He’s been trying so hard, and… maybe it’s working a little.

He called up a few friends from before and apologized for suddenly vanishing. He’s picking up old hobbies. He recites stupid daily affirmations diligently. He has new routines now, ones that keep him busy and stop his brain from spiraling. It’s all helped, but perhaps what has helped the most is stuff like this. Letting himself be silly and making people laugh. Seokjin was right, it does make him happy.

He doesn’t dwell on his broken heart as he heads home that day. He answers a call from Taehyung and agrees to grab lunch with him tomorrow. He gets home and gets started on dinner, humming to himself as he chops and fries and stirs. Seokjin and Jungkook get home when he’s just about done, and it’s nice when the three of them get to sit down together and eat.

Yoongi tells them the date of Yeonjun’s album release and feels shy but pleased as they cheer and promise to listen to it. Jungkook talks about how he and Jimin are thinking of taking part in a dance showcase later in the year, and Seokjin is quick to pull up old videos of past showcases they’d done. After the food is all gone, clean up is quick with the three of them pitching in. When Jungkook suggests watching a movie, the three of them flop onto the couch, Yoongi in the middle.

So much has changed, Yoongi thinks as he pauses the moment to really take it in. That gnawing loneliness that used to live in his chest is nowhere to be found in moments like this. He likes when the three of them get to have dinner together. He likes the way his heart glows when he sees Seokjin and Jungkook enjoying a meal he made for them. He likes all of the little ways their lives have tangled together: their shoes by the door, the shared laundry, the shared grocery list, the group text that’s just the three of them. He likes that he can look around the apartment and find himself in the pictures now. He has his own place here. He belongs.

Like this, his heart and tummy full, his spirit bright from a good day, he doesn’t have time to think about the fact that in the last three months he hasn’t talked to Namjoon outside of formal work emails. He doesn’t think about the fact that when they cross paths in the hallways, they only nod to each other in acknowledgement and keep walking. It hurts less and less each time.

I’m happy, he thinks, smiling a little to himself as Jungkook puts his head on Yoongi’s shoulder.

♡♡♡

Seokjin sits in his trailer with a lot of time to kill and finds himself restless. He should probably go over his lines but instead he opens the photo gallery on his phone.

He does this about twenty times a day. Scrolls back, back, back, his muscle memory kicking in and stopping exactly where he wants it. The picture of the two of them in their Malta shirts. Yoongi's pretty smile. This one might be his favorite, but he also really likes the one he took of Yoongi and that fish he caught. He also really likes the photo he took of Yoongi at the airport, his eyes sleepy as he clutches a cup of coffee. And the one he took of Yoongi in their kitchen and the one he took of Yoongi and Jungkook when the three of them went out to dinner a week ago and the one of Yoongi napping on the couch.

He really, really, really likes Yoongi. His heart gives a painful squeeze even as a smile forms on his lips. This stupid crush has him by the throat.

Seokjin can't wait to be done with filming. He hates that there’s days they barely see each other. He hates that they don’t eat dinner together every single night. He misses the quiet company before bed and his warmth beneath the covers. He misses his voice.

An idea strikes him, and without letting himself think about it too much, he makes the call.

“Hyung?” Yoongi's confused voice says into his ear. It makes Seokjin’s heart give another squeeze.

“Hello, dear Yoongi.”

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything is good. I'm in my trailer right now. They don't need me on set for a few more hours."

"...Okay? Do you need something then?"

"Yes."

"What is it?"

"To see how you are."

"I'm working."

"Wow, how exciting. Tell me about your day."

"If you're bored, you should call Jungkook."

Seokjin scoffs. "Please, it's a miracle to get him on the line. He doesn't even text back half the time."

"I really don't see why any of this is my problem."

"It's not a crime to want to hear your voice, is it?"

"And now you have. Goodbye."

"Ah, your cold words sound sweet because of your deep voice. How do you do it?"

Yoongi laughs, and Seokjin feels victorious. "What can I say, I have a lot of talents. Most of them are innate, so I wouldn't waste my time trying to copy me if I were you."

"Let me bask in your natural gifts then. Tell me about your day."

"You must be really bored, huh? Fine, I guess we can talk a bit."

"Ah, you’re truly so kind."

“I wasn’t really making any progress on this song, anyway. Actually, I was watching a show on my phone.” Yoongi laughs, and Seokjin feels himself grin hard at just the sound. He happily listens as Yoongi talks about his morning, basking in his deep voice.

Quiet, reserved, ice prince Yoongi is chattering away in his ear. It’s heaven.

Seokjin is still feeling giddy and fluttery as he sits in the makeup chair later, getting foundation lightly applied to his skin. He’s had crushes on people before, sure, and he’s even dated a few he really liked. It was never anything serious, though. He’d never considered a future with any of them. His father had always tried to steer him into a match that would be advantageous to him, and even though he’d resisted, a part of him knew that it might still end up happening anyway. He had known better than to get too attached.

But with Yoongi? Seokjin’s not sure he would’ve ever been able to stop himself. If things had been different, if they’d met in an ordinary way, he doesn’t think he would’ve ever let Yoongi go. Something about him makes Seokjin feel crazy — it always has.

Their marriage is a fluke, but the more he thinks about it, the more he feels convinced that fate had a hand in tying their futures together. He just needs to figure what the fuck he’s supposed to do now. He feels frozen with indecision, scared to mess everything up. They’ve only just gotten settled into their new friendship. So much could go wrong. He’s never been one to overthink his decisions, always preferring to charge ahead and deal with the consequences later, but this is too important.

How impossible would it be to make Yoongi fall for him? With enough time, with enough attention, what if Yoongi starts to feel the same way? They live together, they spend time together — is that enough? Yoongi seems serious about getting over Namjoon. Seokjin can be patient.

He sits in front of the camera and flips through a prop photo album. His character has run into his childhood best friend, and in this scene he is supposed to be reminiscing on their time together. The pictures are supposed to be him and the lead actress, but Seokjin doesn’t really see them as he flips through it.

In his mind’s eyes he pictures Yoongi. His cute laughter. His pouting lips. His sleeping face on the pillow next to Seokjin’s. The camera closes in, and Seokjin knows his face is one of adoration, his smile soft and heart in his eyes.

♡♡♡

An upbeat trot song pours out of the apartment as soon as Seokjin opens the door. He can hear Jungkook’s voice singing along, which is a normal enough thing to come home to, but when the second voice joins him, Seokjin pauses.

Yoongi. He hurries to the living room where, sure enough, Jungkook and Yoongi are standing in front of the television, microphones in hand. They’re both singing very dramatically and clearly having a grand time. The empty bottles of soju on the coffee table give Seokjin a clear idea of how this came about.

Seokjin grins and feels his heart expand. He’s almost sorry when they spot him and stop singing.

“Hyung!” Yoongi looks happy to see him. He points a finger at Jungkook. “Did you know he can really sing? Like, really sing. He’s incredible.”

“Of course, it’s one of the many talents he inherited from me.”

“I’m gonna make him sing my demos from now on,” Yoongi says, and Jungkook grins, looking so proud of himself.

“Don’t stop on my account,” Seokjin says, sitting down on the couch. “I was enjoying the show.”

Jungkook and Yoongi immediately launch back into it, and Seokjin sends up a thanks to the universe that despite his many wrong turns, he still ended up here.

☆☆☆

Yeonjun's album is out, and Yoongi tries very hard not to panic. He doesn't want to obsess over how well it performs. He feels queasy imagining the public's reaction, even worse when he thinks of what critics could be saying. Obviously, not all of the album is Yoongi — there are other producers who collaborated, things added and changed, Yeonjun's own influence and input — but so much of Yoongi is in it that any negative reaction towards it would feel like a direct attack.

He hadn't slept at all the night before its release, and the following days hadn't been much better. He had kept up with all of Yeonjun’s preparations and he knows that all of the concepts and choreographies are all perfect, and still anxiety scratches at his insides incessantly.

He thinks it's going well, though. Jungkook seems to really love the album. He has already learned part of the choreography and likes to break out into it every single time he sees Yoongi — it doesn’t matter if it’s early in the morning or if he’s just walking by with his laundry basket in hand. Taehyung also keeps texting him updates of how many views the title track has (so many views), and Seokjin keeps singing the songs around the house (Yoongi's pretty sure he's doing it without even realizing).

He lasts five and a half days before he caves and spends hours pouring over reviews and internet comments. That’s how Jimin finds him, guiltily closing out of tabs as he marches towards Yoongi.

“I thought you didn’t care,” Jimin says with a smirk.

Yoongi curses himself for forgetting to lock his door. “I was just checking.”

“Uh huh. And?”

“And what?”

“Did you like what you saw?” Jimin is grinning now. “Everybody loves him. He’s made such a huge splash.”

“Of course he did,” Yoongi says, leaning back on his computer chair and placing his arms behind his head, trying to project arrogance. “He had one of the best producers in the world.”

Jimin giggles, and Yoongi lets himself smile. He really does feel relieved. The reviews are good. The songs have strong numbers — all of them, not just the title track. He resists the urge to ask Jimin how Namjoon is taking the success.

Yoongi bets he must be really happy and proud. Despite the fact that Yoongi has been doing better, the distance allowing his wounds to slowly scab over, a stupid part of him still hoped Namjoon would come by to talk to him about it, to celebrate their hard work. He has never gone this long without talking to Namjoon since they decided to be friends, and he can't help but miss him.

“I’m meeting J-Hope for lunch,” Jimin says. “You’re coming with me. Come on, let’s go.”

“No, I can’t. Jin-hyung is on his way here with lunch for us. And don’t—”

Too late. Jimin is already giggling and ridiculously marching in place with excitement. “Oh wow, you two are having a cute little lunch date?”

“He’s bringing food. It’s not a big deal.” And then, just to change the subject, “Why do you guys call Hoseok J-Hope, by the way? I’ve never asked.”

“Oh, he used to be part of a dance crew, and that was his nickname. It really stuck because it just fits him so well.”

“And Jwan?”

Jimin laughs. “I think that started off as Jungkook calling him Jan to annoy him, and then it just got sillier. They already had those nicknames when I came along, though, so I don’t know exactly how it went.”

“Hmm.” Yoongi turns back to his computer, hoping to seem like he doesn't care too much. And he doesn’t, really, it’s just… well. Now that he’s around them more, he has noticed how close they all are to Hoseok.

Jimin of course lives with him, and Jungkook is constantly draped all over him. He clings to his back or throws his legs over Hoseok’s lap, always looking like an overgrown puppy. Out of everyone, though, it's obvious Seokjin and Hoseok are the ones with the longest history. Being Seokjin's manager and best friend means that Hoseok is always around.

It's a good thing Yoongi gets along with him. Hoseok drops by often, always sunny and upbeat, secure in his place with his friends. He's really nice, and he and Yoongi have found common ground in music. Yoongi likes to think they're on their way to being real friends, even, but still. Sometimes he can't help but feel like he's third wheeling them, what with their old inside jokes and silly nicknames.

And sometimes he can't help the suspicion he feels when he observes the way Seokjin and Hoseok interact with each other. Seokjin is always throwing an arm around him, always looking at him with so much fondness in his eyes. Just the other day, for seemingly no reason, they began to whisper back and forth to each other, “Jwan…” “Hoba…” “Jwan…” “Hoba…” before breaking out into laughter. Maybe it’s nothing, but it felt a little like they were flirting.

Which, whatever, if they want to flirt then they can. It’s just… a little weird to see, is all. After spending so many years together, maybe the two of them had something going on at some point. Maybe they still do. Yoongi’s just been wondering about it, that’s all.

Jimin leaves with another excited little squeal, and not long after Seokjin arrives with two bags full of hot food that smells so good it makes Yoongi's tummy rumble with instant hunger. Seokjin laughs which makes Yoongi laugh, and then the two of them sit down side by side on Yoongi's couch and start unpacking the food.

“So this is where the magic happens?” Seokjin says, taking a look around.

“Yup.”

“It looks like you.”

“How?” Yoongi asks before taking a big bite of rice. He looks around, wondering what it is Seokjin sees.

“All your stuff,” he says looking at the overcrowded desk. “The mat outside the door with the cat flipping you off. The basketball. The dark colors.”

“I guess,” Yoongi says with a huff of laughter, trying not to feel shy.

It shouldn't surprise him that Seokjin has picked up on the type of things he likes. He has picked up on Seokjin's preferences too. They're closing in on a year of marriage, all that time being around each other — involuntarily and voluntarily. It's inevitable.

They dig into their food as the conversation naturally drifts to different topics. It feels nice to spend time together like this, just the two of them. There’s something comforting about it. It reminds Yoongi of their time in Malta, when the world had melted away and it was just the two of them.

People are enjoying the music he helped create and Seokjin is here with yummy food. Yoongi’s mood is bright and happy, which is why it feels jarring when, towards the end of their meal, Seokjin suddenly clears his throat and looks nervous.

“So, uh, there’s something I need to ask you.” Yoongi stops mid-chew, alarmed, but Seokjin quickly waves a hand and hurries to say, “Nothing bad. Well, I guess it depends on your definition of bad, but it could be worse.” At Yoongi's exasperated look, Seokjin rushes out, “Father invited us over for dinner tonight.”

Yoongi forces himself to finish the food in his mouth, trying to get the sudden spike of nerves to ease.

“I said I had to check my schedule, so we might be able to wiggle out of it for a bit,” Seokjin continues. “But he says he's really happy with the new album and it seems he’s really keen on celebrating. Uh, he specifically mentioned it being a family dinner so… Namjoon would be there.”

“Oh,” Yoongi says, not really sure what to think, not sure how he feels either.

It would be awkward, that’s for sure, but… perhaps it wouldn't be so bad. It’s not like he can say no to his father-in-law, right? It would be nice to get a pat on the back for all of his hard work. His own parents hadn’t really said much about the album’s release apart from his mother telling him ‘Spring Mourning' was a pretty song. His brother had made more of an effort, sending him a text to congratulate him, but Yoongi can’t help but want more than that.

And he wants to see Namjoon. A guilty, frustrated feeling pokes at him as he admits it to himself, but it's no less true. He wants to know what he's thinking. He wants to at least say congratulations, since he knows how hard Namjoon worked on this too.

“Okay,” Yoongi says with a shrug, going for casual despite his racing heart. “Let’s just get it over with.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. It’ll be fine.”

Seokjin is the one who looks unsure as he says, “Alright. I’ll tell him we’ll be there then.”

Yoongi gives a decisive nod and tries to talk himself out of being nervous.

He leaves the studio early, having gotten pretty much nothing done the rest of the afternoon. He takes a while to decide on what to wear and then spends even more time trying to fix his hair. It's gotten pretty long — probably the longest he's ever let it grow. The back of it nearly reaches his shoulders while the front pieces end around his chin. It makes him look softer, somehow. He's not sure he wants to be softer right now. He almost reaches for some scissors, but then Seokjin is knocking on his door and asking if he's ready to go.

It's strange arriving at the Kim family home with Seokjin. Yoongi has been here plenty of times, but it feels as if that was in a completely different lifetime.

“It’s gonna be fine,” Seokjin says as they walk up the long driveway towards the entrance. He’d been tense the entire drive here, and Yoongi’s own nerves rise up even more at seeing Seokjin so visibly uncomfortable. “We'll go in, eat, chat a bit, and then leave.”

“Right,” Yoongi says. “Are you — I mean, are you expecting it to be really bad in there?”

“It's always bad,” Seokjin says grimly. He suddenly grabs Yoongi’s hand and laces their fingers together, his grip tight. “But it'll be over quickly.”

Yoongi gets the sense that the reassurances and the sudden hand holding are more for Seokjin's own benefit rather than for Yoongi. He glances down at their hands and feels a little strange. His own nervousness eases, distracted by the warmth of Seokjin's hand. It's… kind of nice.

It makes Yoongi feel better when they step inside and are shown to the main living room, where everyone else is already waiting for them. Yoongi can stand a little taller, keep his head up, knowing they're presenting a united front. He’s not alone.

Yoongi's eyes instantly go to Namjoon who is sitting on one of the sofas with Taehyung. Namjoon is looking at Yoongi and Seokjin's hands with that usual disapproving frown. Yoongi is relieved when his heart doesn't flutter at seeing him the way it used to. He only feels a distant sort of sadness somewhere in the bottom of his heart.

Kim Youngchul looks delighted at their arrival. “You made it!” he says, giving them each a big smile.

His wife, who is sitting next to him, doesn't even bother to glance at them.

“We’re not late, are we?” Seokjin asks, a relaxed smile now on his face, as if the tension he'd shown outside never happened.

“Of course not, you’re perfectly on time,” Youngchul says. “Dinner should be just about ready. We should probably go to the dining room.”

“Hi,” Taehyung says as he walks next to Yoongi and Seokjin. He's smiling but there's something off about it. It's not his usual bright smile full of boyish charm. There's something almost somber about it. It worries Yoongi, but this isn't the time or place to be able to ask.

They exchange hollow pleasantries as they reach the dining room, though Namjoon's mother stays stubbornly silent. They take a seat at the table, Seokjin and Yoongi sitting next to each other. Namjoon chooses the seat in front of Yoongi. Their eyes meet, and Yoongi finds that he can still read Namjoon well enough to know he's full of questions. It must be confusing to suddenly see Yoongi walking in with Seokjin like this.

In his weaker moments, he had wondered if Namjoon had seen the pictures Seokjin uploaded of the two of them — had even hoped that he had. But now, faced with the reality of it, he finds there's no satisfaction in Namjoon seeing them together. His childish ideas of hoping Namjoon would feel something at seeing Seokjin and Yoongi together seem stupid. Of course Namjoon feels something — he feels betrayed. Perhaps even hurt.

Yoongi tries to pretend like he doesn't notice throughout dinner, which is made easier by the fact that no one is really talking except Seokjin, Yoongi, and Youngchul. Namjoon says little, and Yoongi tries not to feel disappointed by that. The mood is kept afloat by Seokjin who cracks jokes with his father and fills the silence with easy chatter.

If Youngchul notices the tension in the room, he's just as good as Seokjin at pretending he doesn't. He laughs loudly and freely, his mood jovial, and he is full of nothing but praise and questions aimed at Yoongi. Yoongi does his best to answer all of his father-in-law's questions about his writing process and musical influences and tries to ignore the way Namjoon’s gaze feels like a hot flame hovering over his skin. It doesn’t matter what Namjoon is thinking, he tells himself firmly, but it’s not that easy.

He used to tell Namjoon everything. Any stupid little thought, any worry, the big and the small of his life would all be transmitted across the world for Namjoon to know. He knew Yoongi. More than any other person, even more than Taehyung, Namjoon had been allowed inside. And now? Does Namjoon look at him and see a stranger?

“This is exactly the type of sound the industry needed,” his father-in-law says as they're finishing up the dessert course.

“Namjoon had just as much to do with it,” Yoongi says. He forces himself to look at him, to give him a small smile. Some sort of signal that their years of friendship have not been erased. “You worked hard too.”

“It was all centered around your music,” Namjoon replies, voice softer than Yoongi expected.

“Yes, yes, no need to be so modest,” his father-in-law says. He points to Seokjin and says, “Your mate is brilliant. You’re incredibly lucky, Jinnie.”

Seokjin grins and turns to Yoongi. “He is and I am,” he says, his eyes shining with pride. “He's incredible.”

Yoongi's answering smile takes over, the unease in his chest melting away as a pleased warmth takes its place. Even as he has to look away, his shyness winning, his smile stays in place. He's glad Seokjin is proud of him. He's glad he can make Seokjin look that happy.

After dinner, they move back to the living room with Youngchul loudly proclaiming that they will listen to the new album from start to finish. Yoongi and Seokjin sit on one sofa. Opposite of them on the other one sit Namjoon, Taehyung, and Namjoon’s mother, with Youngchul sitting on a chair. Namjoon's mother — who had held Yoongi’s hand the last time he'd been in this house and called him an angel — keeps looking at Yoongi as if his mere existence is an insult to her.

Yoongi had never really given it much thought before, but looking back, he can remember that she has always looked at Seokjin this way. It was humiliating for her that her husband had a bastard parading around, and she wasn't shy about showing exactly what she thought of him. Yoongi had assumed back then that Seokjin deserved it. Her glare is sharp and cold, and it's only now that it's directed at him that Yoongi wonders what it must've been like for Seokjin to grow up seeing it. Yoongi is an adult, he can handle her hatred, but was this same look thrown at a small Seokjin too?

Yoongi scoots a little closer to Seokjin, feeling a twinge of guilt.

“This part here, with the piano,” his father-in-law is saying, pulling Yoongi back into the present. “That's my favorite part of the song. It's such a great little detail.”

“Hyung has always been incredible at piano,” Taehyung says, his smile looking a bit more alive. “He would always be the star at all of his piano recitals.”

Yoongi smiles and ducks his head, his face feeling a little warm.

The song is coming to a close, which is when Yoongi's brain reminds him which song comes next. He'd been so distracted that he hadn't time to realize what was about to happen, but now a feeling of doom begins to run through his bloodstream.

The first grief-filled notes of ‘Spring Mourning’ ring out, and fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Ah, this one is just beautiful,” Youngchul says as Yoongi does his best to not show the horror clawing through him.

He keeps his face blank, his body still, as Yeonjun's voice begins to sing Yoongi's words, exposing his heart for the world to see. Yoongi had been too in love with the final version of the song to hold it back from the album. He'd added it in when his secret had still been tightly locked up, but now…

Yoongi's hands clench without his permission, grabbing onto the fabric of his pants in a pathetic attempt to contain everything he's feeling. It's obvious. It must be so obvious. Namjoon has already heard the song of course, had given his final approval on it, but by now he must have figured out that it's about him, about Yoongi's pain and everything that happened and—

Seokjin smoothly takes Yoongi's hand and laces their fingers together. His grip is tight as he continues talking to his father, chatting easily about the stage performance he saw for the title song and how impressive the choreography is. He doesn’t loosen his grip until the song is over.

It’s only then that Yoongi lets himself look up again. His heart slows a bit, the feeling of immediate danger slowly fading. Taehyung is looking at Yoongi and Seokjin with a curious expression, probably already thinking of reporting this to Jungkook.

Yoongi's eyes go to Namjoon next, already knowing Namjoon's looking at him as well. Their eyes meet.

Yes, Namjoon knows exactly who ‘Spring Mourning’ is about.

☆☆☆

Seokjin and Yoongi breathe out twin sighs of relief as soon as they step outside.

“Let's go home,” Seokjin says, and Yoongi quickly makes a sound of agreement.

Yoongi has never really felt too sentimental about the places he's lived in. He grew up in Daegu and considers it his hometown, its dialect and food and traditions all a part of him. But the house where he lived was always cold and often empty, and he felt nothing when his father decided he'd had enough of traveling back and forth and permanently moved the family to Seoul. Yoongi had even less of a connection to the Min family home then. It was just another house that kept his stuff.

Seokjin's apartment had felt like a prison once. Yoongi remembers it, and yet now he only feels relief as they pull into their parking garage. This is the closest thing he's ever had to an actual home. A place where he feels safe. A place that welcomes him in, with people he cares for and who care for him. A place where they share their lives and where the loneliness gets chased away.

Seokjin breaks their comfortable silence as they ride up the elevator to say, “That song, the ballad. It's really beautiful. I think… I think it’s a very brave thing to share your heart with the world like that. It’s the best type of art there is.”

Yoongi smiles at the earnest look on Seokjin’s face. He likes when Seokjin is like this, offering up something true and heartfelt. He knows not many people get to see it. “Thank you, hyung,” he says softly, meaning it on so many more levels than just this.

♡♡♡

[JK]

JK:
Hyung where are you???

Jwan:
mom’s apartment

JK:
What!!

What are you doing all the way over there?? Get back here quick!!!

Jwan:
there’s a leak from the kitchen sink. i’m waiting for the repairman

is this an emergency?

are you okay? is yoongi okay?

JK:
Yoongi-hyung is the problem!!!!!

He and Taehyung-hyung are here and we’re playing cards and they keep cheating 😡

They say they’re not but they are and I can’t keep my eye on both of them at the same time

Get back here and help me catch them!! This is important

Jwan:
hahahahahahahaha

[Yoongi ❤️]

Seokjin:
jungkook says you’re cheating at cards

Yoongi ❤️:
You can’t prove anything

Seokjin:
you misunderstand

keep up the good work. jungkookie wins too often and needs to be humbled

Yoongi ❤️:
I’m innocent

But Jungkook will indeed lose every single round

Seokjin:
fighting!

***

“Boss?” Jimin’s voice calls from the doorway, startling Namjoon back to earth. From the concerned frown on Jimin’s face, that wasn't the first time he'd tried to get his attention. “It’s time for your meeting.”

“Ah, right,” Namjoon says, scrambling to get up. He gives Jimin a grateful smile, mumbles, “Thanks, Chim,” as he walks out of the office.

He tries to focus during the meeting, always yanking back his wandering mind, but it's hopeless. His leg bounces up and down under the desk the whole time. The graphs on the screen show the progress of the New York office they're trying to develop, but all he can see is Seokjin holding Yoongi's hand.

The ache that has been living in Namjoon's stomach for months worsens as he replays the way they smiled at each other. The way Yoongi sat so close to him. The way Seokjin talked about Yoongi as if he knew him.

It sets his blood on fire.

And the thing that Namjoom can't understand, the question always swirling in his head, is why? Why didn’t he see any of this coming? Yoongi is good at hiding his feelings, sure, but didn’t Namjoon know how to read him? Didn’t he pride himself in being able to tell, even by text, when something was bothering him? When he was feeling down? When he was angry? So then what the fuck happened?

It's obvious, it's so fucking obvious that I'm in love with you — that I have been for years, and you just — you fucking just threw it away, Yoongi had said, his entire body trembling. As if a dam had broken. As if Namjoon had broken him.

That's what Namjoon had done to his best friend. Thrown him away. Broken him.

The meeting ends, and Namjoon barely has a clue what was ultimately said. He should have asked Jimin to sit in and take notes. He should be an adult who is able to put his personal problems aside. He shouldn't be so fucking stupid and reckless when so many people are counting on him, but he can hardly get himself to care.

Yoongi doesn't want to talk to him. Yoongi doesn't want to see him.

Yoongi had said, What you're doing to me right now is cruel.

Nothing matters until Namjoon can understand just what the fuck happened. Yoongi loves him, but he kissed Seokjin in that alley. Yoongi loves him, but he married Seokjin after Namjoon begged him not to. Yoongi loves him — he told Namjoon he loves him with the desperation of someone pushed to their limit — but when Namjoon had stood outside, his heart racing and trying to get himself to go back up there, it was Seokjin who called to tell him to stay away. Yoongi loves him and Namjoon broke his heart, but in that picture Seokjin posted, where they’re wearing fucking matching t-shirts, Yoongi’s smile looks genuine and Seokjin has an arm around him. Namjoon can't make it all fit together.

Yoongi lied to him, somewhere in this mess he lied, but Namjoon doesn’t want to accept that yet. He doesn’t want to doubt everything Yoongi ever said to him.

“I got you some food,” Jimin says as Namjoon wanders back to his office, passing by Jimin's desk. A box of fried chicken sits primly near the edge. “You skipped lunch. Again.”

“I did?” Namjoon checks his watch and sees that it's past five. “Oh shit.”

“Eat up.”

Namjoon manages a smile. “Thank you, Chim. You should head home.”

“I can stick around for a bit. I have a Yoongi update.”

That gets Namjoon's attention.

“I'll tell you after you eat,” Jimin says sweetly, pushing the box forward.

“You're devious,” Namjoon states as he grabs the box and carries it back to his office.

Jimin's twinkling laugh follows him in. He sits across from Namjoon on the other side of the desk. Namjoon is eager for the information and so he wastes no time in opening up the box and taking a bite. It's still hot and delicious, but he barely pays that any mind. He offers Jimin a piece of chicken, which Jimin takes and happily starts eating.

Namjoon has never had an assistant before, but he really doubts a better one exists. He'd been nervous when he realized that Jimin is friends with Seokjin. He had wondered, for a paranoid moment, if Seokjin had sent Jimin in just to mess with him. But Jimin has proven himself to be an incredibly trustworthy, thoughtful person, and friendship had bloomed naturally between them.

It's with a pang of nostalgia that Namjoon remembers the long afternoons spent with Jimin and Yoongi as they wrapped up Yeonjun's album. Yoongi had seemed happy as he joked around with Jimin, the two of them having developed a teasing rapport with each other. The stress of those weeks feels unimportant and distant now. All he can remember is how good it had felt to spend time with Yoongi, how his heart had melted every time he heard his laugh.

“Done.” He turns the box around to prove he's finished, feeling like a kid seeking a gold star.

“Good job, hyung,” Jimin says, something he only ever calls Namjoon after hours.

“Thank you for the food. I appreciate it, really.” Namjoon doesn't want to beg, doesn't want to seem so desperate but — “How is he?”

Jimin tilts his head, thinking. He'd been reluctant to tell Namjoon anything at first. He'd demanded answers from Namjoon, wanting to know what happened to Yoongi, suspecting correctly that it had something to do with Namjoon. Apparently the only thing Seokjin said was that Yoongi needed a break and so he was going with him. Namjoon had been an even bigger mess back then, and he had very nearly spilled it all out. He'd stopped at saying he and Yoongi had a personal disagreement.

Jimin must have felt sorry for him when Yoongi came back. Namjoon's sure he looked pathetic enough. He'd pleaded with Jimin to tell him how Yoongi was doing, needing desperately to know if he was okay. Jimin eventually agreed to tell him little tidbits, each of them carefully worded to not reveal too much.

“Yoongi-hyung’s appetite is really good lately,” Jimin says at last.

They’re always small comments like that, no real details or huge insights. Yoongi-hyung has been having trouble sleeping. He laughed a lot today. He said he had a good weekend. Namjoon clutches all of these small nothings tightly, always turning them over in his head.

It’s hard to be completely shut out of Yoongi’s life. He feels as though he’s been shoved out the door, all of his privileges revoked. He can’t understand it. Even now, he will still occasionally reach for his phone and open their messages out of habit, eager to share something with Yoongi only to realize that he can’t. Yoongi, who never yells, had looked at Namjoon with wild eyes and said, Haven't you stopped, for just one fucking second, to think about how it feels for me to have to listen to this?

Namjoon hadn’t.

“Go home, Chim,” Namjoon says, feeling very tired.

“You should go home too.”

Something ugly twinges in his chest. He can’t go home. Either Taehyung will be there or he won’t, and Namjoon doesn’t know what would be worse. “I’ll leave soon,” he lies, giving Jimin a reassuring smile. “I promise. Go home and enjoy your afternoon.”

Jimin looks very skeptical, but he nods and starts making his way towards the door. “Try to leave before midnight, at least.”

“You got it.”

Jimin gives him one last look over his shoulder that says he doesn’t believe him, but he goes. Namjoon sits in his silent office, staring at nothing for a while before he allows himself to slump pathetically over his desk.

He did this. He created this whole fucking mess. He broke his family’s agreement. He broke Yoongi’s heart. It was him, the root of it all, no one else to blame.

He had seen Taehyung around, of course he had. Yoongi’s younger cousin, a recurring character in Yoongi’s life. Yoongi would send pictures with Taehyung in the edges. Tae and I went to the movies. Tae is forcing me to drink these stupid protein smoothies with him. I’m heading over to Taehyung’s. Namjoon had never given him much thought. In his head, Taehyung was always that strange sixteen year old that Namjoon had met forever ago.

And then that night, when he picked Taehyung up to go see the play, it had been a shock when the door opened and there stood the most beautiful person Namjoon had ever seen. Taehyung had lost all of his teenage awkwardness. He wore a fashionable tie and a pearl earring that dangled from one ear. His excited grin was dazzling. Namjoon lost his mind in that very moment.

Namjoon had gone home that night, his heart still fluttering in his chest, and felt as if something magical had just happened. He’d felt embarrassed by how much being around Taehyung had affected him. Embarrassed by the way his heart insisted it had found its one true love. He went back to New York expecting his intense feelings to fade as quickly as they’d come, but they didn’t. He messaged Taehyung to stop the incessant nagging of his heart, thinking that maybe this way he can see that there was nothing really there, that he’d made it all up. Silly Namjoon, always too in his head, full of fanciful ideas — it wouldn’t be the first time he convinced himself there was something there.

His feelings didn’t lessen. They doubled every day. Their messages and later calls were friendly and innocent, and yet they still left Namjoon’s heart beating wildly in his chest. Had he stopped to think of Yoongi then? No, no he hadn’t. Not like that. He had worried that Yoongi would think it weird. He had wondered if Yoongi would feel relieved to be free of their agreement. He had told himself that he had to be absolutely sure of his feelings for Taehyung before he broke the news to Yoongi, worried that he was going to upset their parents and jostle Yoongi’s plans for nothing.

But when he confessed his feelings to Taehyung, Taehyung said he felt the same. They agreed to go on three dates when Namjoon moved back to Korea, three dates where they would test to see if their feelings were real. And if they were, they would do it, they would jump in blindly hand in hand.

Are we crazy? they would ask each other, laughing and not caring if they were.

Namjoon had thought the hardest part would be telling his parents. Yoongi had been there when Namjoon broke the news, silent and face blank and answering so politely when Namjoon’s father asked him if he was fine with this. And the whole time… the whole time, Namjoon hadn’t noticed. He’d been too busy daydreaming about Taehyung, too selfish and stupid to see what was in front of him.

Years, Yoongi had said he’d been in love with Namjoon for years. How many? How long was Namjoon oblivious? He doesn’t ever remember Yoongi’s behavior changing. He doesn’t remember Yoongi acting nervous around him or looking at him differently. They were friends. They only ever acted as just friends. They never even flirted with each other, no lingering looks or touches ever exchanged. Yoongi had lived his own life, had had hookups even, and Namjoon had done the same. They’d agreed to that, hadn’t they? Two teenage boys being told they would one day marry, they had agreed to become friends to make it easier, but there was never any assumption that romance would bloom between them. Or had there been assumptions? Had Namjoon promised Yoongi something else? Had Namjoon led him on in some way? Had he really been cruel?

Guilt chews at his insides, and Namjoon deserves it, he did this, he fucked it all up.

Why?

With a sigh, he sits back up and grabs the picture frame he keeps on his desk. He has carried this picture everywhere. It has been in different dorm rooms, different continents, his bedside table, and now here. They’d been so young when it was taken, having recently met. His heart puddles remembering how they’d awkwardly stood next to each other as his mother snapped the picture.

It had been hard to leave home. He’d been so overwhelmed and homesick, constantly stressing about his future, about all of the ways he could fail. The sole heir of his father’s empire. It had meant so much to him to have someone to vent to, someone to share everything with. Someone to connect him to Korea so that he didn’t feel so alone out in the world. Namjoon was living on the other side of the world, but somehow they managed to build a friendship that strengthened little by little.

Marriage hadn’t seemed scary when it was going to be Yoongi standing there with him. They had figured it all out, hadn’t they? They’d had so many plans. Visits back home had only reinforced that, that their friendship held, that they were building something together. Namjoon had been proud of it, he had, but at no point had he ever thought that Yoongi felt something more.

Yoongi had said, You're smart, I know you're smart, so how is it that you don't fucking get it, huh? Or are you doing this on purpose?

When had Yoongi fallen? Why hadn’t Namjoon noticed? If he had known…

Not for the first time, Namjoon wonders what his life would look like if he had married Yoongi like he was supposed to. A home with Yoongi, the one he had bought with him in mind. Yoongi’s steady calmness. His bursts of joy. Would Yoongi have confessed his feelings for Namjoon after the wedding? Would they have lain together on their wedding night, shy and nervous to cross this line in their long friendship, and during their first hesitant kisses, would Yoongi have whispered that he’d fantasized about that moment? Or would he have waited longer, would he have waited until they had a little baby with Yoongi’s cute nose and Namjoon’s dimples?

That’s a life he could have had. A warm home, a family of his own, Yoongi’s happiness. All of their careful, well-thought-out plans.

It would have been so easy to fall in love with him. Everything was always easy with Yoongi — falling for him would have been just as easy, Namjoon is sure of it. They could have been so happy, but Namjoon doomed them.

His eyes stray to the other picture frame on his desk. A photo of Taehyung, taken as part of their engagement photoshoot. He looks beautiful, and Namjoon had loved the photo the second he’d seen it. But as time passed, he slowly began to notice that the smile Taehyung wears isn’t his genuine one. His eyes don’t sparkle in it the way they did when Namjoon first confessed his feelings.

He quickly averts his eyes, unable to look at it for long. He misses the lovesick versions of themselves that no longer exist. He misses the way life had felt exciting, the way his thoughts swirled only around how lucky he was to have found the one. It had been easy to promise Taehyung everything, but whatever magic there had been between them faded quickly once reality finally settled in. There’s something about the two of them that just doesn’t mix well as mates. Their expectations are too different. Their priorities don’t align. It’s all wrong, and Namjoon doesn’t know how to fix it.

Their fights have tapered off. At least when they were arguing they were technically talking, but resentful silence is the only thing between them right now. Taehyung moved into the guest bedroom in December, and Namjoon had only felt relieved. Namjoon’s not sure how it got this bad. He’s not sure of anything anymore

He has a list of couples counselors that he put together out of desperation, but he hasn’t had the courage to bring it up to Taehyung yet. He doesn’t know how to admit out loud that he is miserable in this marriage. That they have failed. He knows Taehyung is unhappy too — it’s obvious — but Namjoon just doesn’t want to be the one to say it first.

He’s a coward. That’s the problem. He’s an idiot and a coward, and who could blame Yoongi for not wanting to speak to him anymore? Namjoon let his heart take the wheel, and now Yoongi holds Seokjin’s hand.

Namjoon has had to swallow a lot of disappointments in life because of his brother. He’d admired Seokjin so much growing up. He’d wanted to be effortlessly funny and cool like him. He had stared in the mirror and wished he would grow up to be just as handsome, just as charming. He’d followed him around like a stupid, loyal dog, no matter how many times he got kicked. He can see it now, the contempt in his eyes every time he looks at Namjoon, but for a long time he made a million excuses for Seokjin, unwilling to admit to himself that his brother hates him.

Seokjin’s all charming smiles and easy laughs to the public, but there’s nothing real about him in the center. He wormed his way into Yoongi’s life and kicked Namjoon out, and it’s all Namjoon’s fault.

Why? Why didn’t he realize Yoongi’s feelings? Why didn’t he stop all of this from happening? Why did Yoongi kiss Seokjin? Why did he marry him? Why did he run off with Seokjin for a month instead of talking to Namjoon?

Everything is wrong, he has no one else to blame, and all he wants to do is talk to his best friend.

Chapter Text

☆☆☆

Jimin giggles, and Yoongi quickly turns his head to glare at him. “What’s so funny?” Yoongi asks as he continues stretching.

“I’m just excited,” Jimin says.

Hoseok laughs from Jimin’s other side. “I can’t believe he talked you into this, Yoongi-hyung.”

A dance class. Jungkook is here too, standing on Yoongi’s other side and looking incredibly focused on stretching. He’d been so excited when Yoongi came home last night, asking, “Is it true, hyung? Jimin-hyung says you’re coming to class with us!”

“I lost a bet,” Yoongi admits.

It’s too early to be awake on a Saturday morning, but he’s a man of his word. He dragged himself out of bed and came to the dance studio with Jungkook. Yoongi can’t really say he’s a big dancer, but he has admiration for it. When he was around twenty, he even taught himself a few b-boy dance moves that he showed off to Namjoon in a particularly memorable video call that ended with Yoongi on the floor, the two of them laughing until they couldn’t breathe.

He can dance alright enough, so he’s not exactly upset about ending up here. Still, he can’t let Park Jimin off easy, so he scowls at Jimin through the big mirror that’s in front of them, setting Jimin off into another round of giggles.

The class isn’t too large, and it’s clear the instructor knows everyone really well. From what Jungkook has told Yoongi, they’ve been coming here for years, taking classes and participating in showcases. Thankfully Yoongi keeps up well enough that the instructor doesn’t have to give him too many corrections and he doesn’t fall — which would have been really fucking embarrassing. Overall, it’s really not too bad, but when the instructor ends the class by letting them ‘freestyle,’ Yoongi is quick to go to a corner and flop down.

He feels gross and sweaty as he chugs a bottle of water. He silently curses Jimin’s improved basketball kills once more.

To his surprise, Hoseok comes and sits down next to him. He grins at Yoongi and says, “Wow, hyung, you did a really good job. I was seriously so impressed.”

“Thanks,” Yoongi says, feeling a little awkward. It’s not often that he and Hoseok talk one on one. He’s not really sure what to say, so he asks the first thing that comes to mind: “You used to be part of a dance crew right? That’s how you and Jimin met?”

Hoseok’s smile turns a bit sad as he nods. “Yeah, I was. I used to be pretty serious about it, but then…” He brings a hand up to rub his left knee where a faint scar is visible. “I fell off a ladder and busted my leg up pretty badly. It’s a lot better now, thankfully, but for a while it was hard to even walk.”

Yoongi mentally thuds his head against a wall, regretting bringing this up. “That really sucks. I’m sorry,” he offers up, a bit stilted.

Hoseok shrugs. “I can at least make it through a dance class now.” He rubs some more at his knee and adds, “That’s also how I ended up becoming hyung’s manager. He saw me floundering, no clue at all what I wanted to do with my life, and he got me the job despite having no experience. I really owe him so much.”

Hoseok’s face has so much love and warmth as he talks about Seokjin that Yoongi can’t help but feel his suspicions come to the surface again.

Yoongi huffs out a laugh, trying to ignore that odd twinge in his chest. “He got me my job too. What’s with that? Is he obsessed with making sure people are employed?”

Hoseok laughs and nods. “He is! He basically got Jiminie his job too. Ah, our Jinnie-hyung just doesn't know how to stand by while his friends are struggling. He’s always like that, always looking out for people. I’m surprised he didn’t buy Jungkook his own boxing studio, to be honest.”

“He’s a lot different than I thought he was,” Yoongi admits. “I didn’t exactly have the best impression of him at first.”

“But now?” Hoseok’s smile is huge as he gives Yoongi a little nudge with his elbow. “You two seem to be really getting along now, right?”

“I guess so, yeah.”

“Jin-hyung is a lot happier these days. Ever since his mom passed, it was like he wasn’t really here with us, y’know? It was really hard. But his old self has finally come back around ever since you two made peace. There’s life in his eyes again. You’ve made such a difference.”

“Me? I don’t really think I caused anything.”

“Of course you did. Trust me, I saw it as soon as you guys got back.”

Yoongi’s face feels too warm, sweat still clinging to his skin. He hasn’t done anything to help Seokjin, really. Seokjin has been the one supporting him, the one encouraging him. It's kind of unfair. Hoseok definitely has it wrong.

“You’re so cute,” Hoseok says with a laugh, elbowing Yoongi again. “I’ve never seen you get shy before! You’re really full of surprises, hyung. Like when you were dancing earlier, your butt shakes in a real cute way.” He laughs again at Yoongi’s affronted look, but it’s so good natured that it ends up making Yoongi smile.

Hoseok’s a good guy. He has been nothing but welcoming to Yoongi, and Yoongi really does appreciate it. And if something is going on with him and Seokjin, Yoongi wouldn’t even be opposed to it. They can work something out as long as Seokjin is discreet. Yoongi just doesn’t want to be blindsided by another relationship, is all. If things are going to change, he would rather have time to brace himself.

The four of them are in a good mood as they leave the dance studio. They insist that Yoongi join them for their post class ritual, which consists of going to their favorite food stall and stuffing themselves full of fried food. Yoongi is a good hyung and reaches for his wallet, assuring them that they can get as much as they want. It’s nice to be there with them as they joke around and laugh, to feel like he’s among friends. It’s almost noon by the time Yoongi and Jungkook get back home with tired limbs and full bellies.

Seokjin is sitting on the couch when Yoongi wanders out of his room post shower. He has on a nature documentary, and Yoongi sighs as he flops down next to him, happy to finally fully relax.

Seokjin grins as he turns to look at Yoongi and says with mischief in his voice, “How was class?”

“It was fine. Not too bad.”

“I heard your cute butt was the best student there.” Seokjin’s stupid squeaky laughter makes Yoongi smile, even as he rolls his eyes.

“What are we laughing about?” Jungkook asks as he enters the living room, his hair damp from his own shower.

“Hoba told me all about Yoongi’s hidden dance talents.”

Jungkook laughs and starts doing the first set of steps they'd learned in class, his butt sticking out the whole time. Seokjin laughs his silly squeaky laugh, and Yoongi's shoulders shake with laughter as well.

Pleased with himself, Jungkook goes to sit next to Yoongi, squishing him closer to Seokjin even though there’s plenty of room on the couch. Yoongi makes a small grunt just to complain but makes no effort to move away. This is common Jungkook behavior, and Seokjin, more than used to Jungkook’s puppy pile tendencies, only adjusts a little to make himself comfortable, his arm coming up to rest on the back of the couch so that Yoongi slots right into his side.

“What are they doing?” Jungkook asks as on screen two penguins huddle together. He gasps as the camera pans down. “A baby!”

Yoongi smiles at the way Jungkook's eyes look extra big, his mouth slightly open, as he watches the little penguin family. It always tickles Yoongi to see him so openly curious about everything. Yoongi can understand why Seokjin still feels so protective of him, even now that he’s twenty-one. He turns to look at Seokjin and finds him already looking, their eyes meeting, and the smile on his face says that he knows exactly what Yoongi is thinking.

It makes the warm glow in Yoongi burn brighter as they turn back to look at the TV. He selfishly hopes that Hoseok is right. That Seokjin does feel happier because of him. He hopes that Seokjin and Jungkook feel the same way he does when they spend time together like this, as if it's something natural. As if the three of them can put their jagged pieces together and create something whole.

♡♡♡

Hoseok’s laughter rings throughout the apartment as he throws his whole body on top of Seokjin. Seokjin grins as he catches his best friend. The two of them are hanging out on the couch, where they've been spending the past few hours.

Now that filming is officially over for Just a Moment, they have to review Seokjin's summer schedule. The drama he filmed last year will be released soon, and so there's a few promotional things he'll have to do. Hoseok, as always, is incredibly organized and thorough. Business out of the way, they're now pretty much done and just goofing around.

“You’re funny, hyung,” Hoseok says, a hand coming up to pinch at Seokjin’s cheek.

“No no no,” Seokjin says, slapping his hand away. “Don’t touch my face. You know I hate that.”

Hoseok makes a cooing sound and goes in again.

“Stop it.” Seokjin says with another hand slap, which just sends Hoseok into another round of giggles.

A sound catches Seokjin’s attention, and he sees Yoongi walking towards the kitchen. Seokjin’s heart skips a beat. Distracted as he is, Hoseok manages to grab onto his cheek and viciously pinch.

“Got your eye on something?” Hoseok whispers, but for a whisper it’s way too fucking loud.

Seokjin has no choice but to retaliate by launching a tickle attack, which is pretty easy considering Hoseok is still in his arms and all of his weak spots are literally at Seokjin's fingertips.

“Okay! Okay!” Hoseok says after he manages to escape Seokjin’s hold, taking refuge on the other side of the couch.

Yoongi walks out of the kitchen, a bottle of one of his favorite teas in hand. His eyes lock with Seokjin's, and he stops. “I was thinking about starting on dinner soon,” he says. “Jungkook said he’d be home in about an hour.”

“Sounds good. I can help.”

Yoongi gives a little nod and turns to look at Hoseok. “You’re staying for dinner, right Hoseok?”

“Ah, I would love to, hyung, thank you, but I should actually get going soon. Jimin and I are meeting up with some friends.”

“Alright. Have fun and say hi to Jimin for me,” Yoongi says, giving Hoseok a little wave and a smile before walking on to his room.

Hoseok waits until the bedroom door clicks shut before turning to Seokjin and giving him a big grin. “You two cook together a lot?” he asks, heavy implications in his tone.

“Well we both eat food, so we find it convenient.”

Hoseok giggles. “Awww, Jwan.”

“J-Hope.”

“Jwan.” Hoseok reaches a hand out to pinch his cheek again, and Seokjin shows no mercy as he slaps it away.

Seokjin has kept his new feelings for Yoongi a secret, knowing that if he were to show even a drop of weakness, his friends would only triple their efforts to push him and Yoongi together. They don't know all of the stupid, complicated layers that keep Seokjin frozen, and he's certainly not going to be the one to tell them. This is a delicate situation that Seokjin needs to handle with the utmost care.

For now, he is simply happy to spend time with Yoongi, get to know him better. All he wants is to make Yoongi laugh and make sure he's alright. That's enough for now. He knows Yoongi isn’t ready to start anything romantic, probably won't be anytime soon, and he’s going to be respectful of that.

He's in a good mood as he stands next to Yoongi in the kitchen, the two of them moving easily around each other as they prep ingredients. Yoongi is on pajeon duty, a big bowl in front of him as he mixes everything together.

Seokjin tells Yoongi all about this drama he auditioned for, a thriller that would have him playing a serial killer. Seokjin’s excited for it though a little nervous to step so far away from his usual roles. His character being the killer is supposed to be a big twist, so Hoseok thinks he has a shot at getting cast. “Since I’m so beautiful, no one would suspect it was me,” Seokjin says as he pours some oil into one of the pans.

Yoongi laughs. “What, beautiful people don’t commit murders?”

“Of course not. We’re too busy staring into mirrors.” Seokjin turns to look at Yoongi and instantly smiles. “You have flour on your face by the way.”

“I do?” Yoongi’s hand comes up to the completely wrong spot.

“Here, let me,” Seokjin says with a chuckle. Yoongi lifts his face, letting him brush off the flour from his cheek. “There you go.”

“Thanks,” Yoongi says with a sweet smile that instantly melts Seokjin’s heart. When Seokjin doesn’t look away, Yoongi asks, “What, is there more?”

“No, all clean,” Seokjin says, forcing himself to turn back to the stove and praying his ears don’t turn red. He really needs to get a hold of himself and stop being so fucking obvious. But Yoongi looks so cute that it’s hard not to constantly stare at him. Can Seokjin really be blamed for that?

They work in silence for a couple of minutes before Yoongi randomly says, “Hoseok is really nice.” It sounds a little weird, like Yoongi tried too hard to say it casually. Like there’s something else he means with those words.

It makes Seokjin pause before he replies, “Yeah, our Hoba’s great.”

Yoongi’s face looks completely neutral as he mixes the contents of the bowl. It makes Seokjin a little nervous as Yoongi says, “You two have known each other a long time.”

“Yes,” Seokjin answers, even though Yoongi didn’t really say it like a question. “We met in university. We sat next to each other for an early morning class, and he’d always let me borrow a pen. Hasn't changed at all since then. We became friends quickly.”

“Mmm.” Yoongi looks serious as he glances at Seokjin. There's something there, a strange pause in the silence, before he asks, “Is there something going on between you two?”

It takes a few seconds for Seokjin to even process the words, and then — “What?”

Yoongi shrugs a shoulder. “I’ve just been wondering. It’s okay if there is.”

“Wha — what could there possibly be between the two of us? He’s my best friend!”

“I know how easy it can be to fall for a best friend,” Yoongi says a little defensively, and ouch, fuck, okay.

“Sorry,” Seokjin says automatically, trying to gather his thoughts and not overreact. “I know, it's just — there really has never been anything romantic between the two of us.”

“Oh,” Yoongi says, his eyes dropping down to the mixing bowl again. “Okay. I just figured I’d ask.”

“We did kiss once by accident,” Seokjin says, his mouth running away from him. “He looked like he was going to puke. It was a little insulting, actually. He should’ve been honored! Plenty of people dream of kissing me!”

That gets Yoongi to at least crack a smile. “How do you kiss by accident?”

“We hugged weird and our mouths brushed together. That’s about as close as anything came with us. I know he’s an omega, but that’s never really changed anything about our friendship. He’s my bro, just like Jungkook.”

“And Jimin?”

“Well it’s a little harder to forget Jimin’s an omega,” Seokjin admits, which makes Yoongi chuckle. “But he’s just a bro, too. There's never been any feelings between us either.”

He's not my type, Seokjin wants to say, but stops himself just in time. That would only be a trap of his own making where he'd eventually have to admit that he didn't even know he had a type until he met Yoongi.

“Okay. Good to know,” Yoongi says, and perhaps months ago Seokjin would've been fooled by the nonchalant tone.

Perhaps he would've assumed that Yoongi ultimately didn't really care that much. But now he knows that there's a non-small chance that Yoongi cares very much about the answer, that Yoongi has been thinking up ways to bring it up. Could it be that Yoongi is jealous? The thought makes Seokjin smile.

He asks, “What even made you think there was something between me and Hoseok?”

“I don’t know. You’re very close and have obviously known each other a long time. I thought maybe there could be something in the past that I don’t know about.”

“There’s nothing,” Seokjing hurries to say, his smile growing even more. The inside of his chest feels bubbly with hope. “Were you worried there was?”

“Not worried, exactly. Like I said, it would’ve been fine if there was. I mean, we’re kind of in a weird situation, aren’t we? It could happen that you fall for someone, and if you do, I just hope you’ll tell me. As long as you’re discreet, I wouldn’t have a problem with it.”

The bubbles bust. “Right.”

“If you found someone, I'd be happy for you. You deserve it. I figured it would be good to make sure you knew that. I mean—”

He’s interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and Jungkook announcing, “I’m home!” Jungkook makes his way to the kitchen, no doubt led by his nose. “Ooh, is dinner ready soon?”

“Hey, Kookie,” Yoongi says. “Yeah, it should be ready soon.”

“Nice,” he says as he steps closer to steal a piece of carrot. “I’m gonna change and be right out.”

His heart beating too fast in his chest, Seokjin waits until Jungkook is out of earshot to turn back to Yoongi. This really wasn't the conversation he wanted to have, but he still says, “Thank you, I appreciate your consideration — I really do. But I don’t think anything like that is going to happen any time soon. I like how things are right now. I’m not in any hurry to change it.”

“I like how things are right now too,” Yoongi says with a smile that looks genuine.

“Good,” Seokjin says, forcing himself to get back to cooking dinner and ignore the ugly throb in his heart. “Pass me the chicken, please?”

Later that night, after they’ve eaten and played a few rounds of Halli Galli (which Seokjin won most of, thank you very much), after washing up, after Seokjin has tucked himself into his empty bed — only then does he allow himself a soul-deep sigh.

He doesn’t want Yoongi’s blessing to fall in love with someone else. He wants the one person he might never be able to have. He wants Yoongi brushing his teeth next to him. He wants Yoongi cuddled next to him. He doesn’t want to believe that it’s hopeless, but it’s not looking good. His heart aches, and he feels like an idiot.

☆☆☆

Yoongi feels restless. He woke up hard and wet, unable to finish a dream where he was getting deliciously fucked. He’d quickly jerked off, but the orgasm had been weak and unsatisfying. Even now, hours later, he still feels the shadow of that horny frustration underneath his skin. It’s making it hard to concentrate on what Yeonjun is saying.

The two of them are in Yoongi’s studio, Yeonjun full of ideas for his next album. It’s clear that Yeonjun is nervous about making sure the follow up meets the high expectations people have for him now (and honestly Yoongi is too) so Yoongi tries to be supportive and focus. It’s just that his leg can’t stop bouncing with restless energy, and he kind of already forgot what point Yeonjun just made.

His phone buzzing instantly has his attention.

[Kim Seokjin]

Kim Seokjin:
Are you busy?

I’m dropping off some food for you

“You hungry?” Yoongi asks Yeonjun as he types back a reply. “My mate is bringing some food.”

“Yeah, I can eat,” Yeonjun says happily. “Do I get to meet your alpha? What’s she like?”

“He. You might’ve heard of him, actually. You know the actor Kim Seokjin?”

Yeonjun’s mouth drops open. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

“No way! Oh my god, Magic Shop is my favorite drama ever, seriously. He’s, like, the most beautiful man in the world!”

Yoongi laughs. “Well definitely don’t say that to him. He already has a big enough ego about his looks.”

By the time Seokjin is pushing open the door Yeonjun is practically buzzing with jitters. Yoongi tries to suppress a smile at how cute Yeonjun looks nervously wiping his sweaty hands on his pants. Seokjin walks in with a bag full of food, and Yeonjun is instantly standing up and bowing deeply.

“Hyung, this is Yeonjun.”

“Of course, of course!” Seokjin gives Yeonjun a huge grin and bows back. He looks even more handsome than usual, his hair styled and his face carrying a hint of makeup from the photoshoot he did this morning. “You’re an incredibly talented performer. I listen to your album all the time. I’m a huge fan.”

“‘Wow, I — thank you! Thank you so much. Me too, I'm a fan too. I love Magic Shop. It’s my favorite drama!”

“Ah, you flatter me,” Seokjin says with a demure wave of his hand. He turns to Yoongi and hands him the bag. “There’s plenty in here so please feed Yeonjun-ssi well.”

“You got it,” Yoongi says, already opening up the containers inside to take a peek. His stomach instantly grumbles at just the smell of food that fills his studio. “Thank you, hyung.”

“Yes, thank you so much,” Yeonjun says so earnestly that Yoongi can’t stop himself from grinning.

“My pleasure.” Seokjin gives Yeonjun a charming smile. “It was wonderful to meet you, Yeonjun-ssi. I’ll see you at home, dear Yoongi. Jungkookie is taking care of dinner, so try not to come home too late.”

Yoongi makes a noise of agreement and waves as Seokjin leaves. Yeonjun still looks starstruck as he sits back down on the couch.

“Wow,” Yeonjun says, taking the disposable chopsticks Yoongi hands him. “How is he even more gorgeous in person?”

Yoongi tries to stop the stupid grin that wants to take over, something like pride swelling in his chest, but he doesn’t think he’s succeeding much. “I guess he’s alright.”

“Alright? PD-nim, how can you even say that? I’m serious, you’re like the luckiest person in the world to get to go home to that beautiful face every day. Wow. Was he lying or is he really my fan? Does he really listen to the album?”

“He does.”

Yeonjun looks overwhelmed by that news, and Yoongi finds himself laughing at just how cute the kid is. They eat and then get back to work, though Yoongi’s concentration doesn’t really get much better. It’s frustrating, but it does give him a good excuse to call it a day early.

He comes home to find Seokjin sitting on the couch and eating a bag of gummy worms. He’s out of his fancy outfit and dressed in a soft looking pink shirt and gym shorts, looking rather unglamorous as he tosses a gummy worm up into the air and it lands on his face. Yeonjun’s starstruck face comes back to mind, and it makes Yoongi smile as he flops down next to Seokjin.

“How was work?” Seokjin asks, offering Yoongi some of the candy

“Unproductive. The best part was definitely lunch. Yeonjun was really happy to get to meet you.”

“Ah, of course he was. He has excellent taste, I could tell immediately. Magic Shop is possibly some of my best work.”

“Uh huh,” Yoongi says distractedly as his brain registers the fact that Seokjin smells really, really good.

He tries to subtly lean closer, and wow, yes. Seokjin smells warm, somehow. Warm and clean and yet musky too. Like a delicious hot shower that soothes aching muscles. It stirs heat into Yoongi’s belly, his eyes taking in Seokjin’s exposed thighs. They look so nice. Strong. Yoongi's brain supplies him with the image of his own hands grabbing onto those thighs.

“Want more?” Seokjin asks, tilting the bag of candy to him again, and thankfully snapping Yoongi out of it.

“No, thank you,” Yoongi says as he quickly gets to his feet. He feels overheated, probably from embarrassment. It has to be that. “I’m gonna — my room. I’ll be in my room.” He speed walks there, not even registering whatever Seokjin says to him as he leaves.

He closes his bedroom door and leans against it for good measure, a hand coming up to cover his face. Fuck, what was that? Is he seriously that horny that he’s even eyeing up Seokjin? He must be going insane.

He stubbornly refuses to jerk off again that night, a little afraid that his brain would betray him, but that just means that he wakes up hard and wet again the next morning. The thin material of his boxers sticks to his skin as he gets out of bed, and Yoongi has to close his eyes and let out an annoyed groan.

He feels a little bit like he's going to go insane. The restlessness is only growing stronger.

It’s not until he’s in his studio, feeling uninspired and bored, that he finally figures it out. He’s scrolling aimlessly on his phone when he sees an ad (clearly aimed at alphas) promoting special gifts for the mating season. It's May already.

Fuck! Of course! He’s been dealing with his stupid heats now for over ten years! How does it always sneak up on him like this? He should've paid attention, should've connected the goddamn dots! Jimin had his just two weeks ago, and still, somehow, Yoongi had managed to ignore the fact that his would be on its way soon.

In his defense, it's weird for him to be showing symptoms this early. Usually he gets it towards the end of May. He's not sure he's ever been this goddamn horny since his first few heats. Last year he certainly hadn’t thought Seokjin smelled good or even looked good. No, last year he hadn’t wanted to even be in the same room as him. Now, though? Now Yoongi finds himself clicking play on the first episode of Magic Shop after making sure his door is locked.

It’s a little weird to watch Seokjin act. His hair is dyed lilac purple, which Yoongi remembers seeing in person only once. This must’ve been filmed just as Seokjin and Taehyung ended things. The thought makes Yoongi frown.

Seokjin is very handsome, it’s true. Yoongi had always known that in the way that you know the Mona Lisa is a masterpiece. Something you acknowledge just because that’s what everyone says. He’d never been Yoongi’s type, really, but now, watching him play a charming shop keeper, he feels a little stunned. Seokjin is gorgeous. How had Yoongi never realized that before? Seokjin’s broad shoulders, his tiny waist, his entire fucking face when he stares into the camera — Yoongi definitely gets it now, oh yes. His heart is doing something weird in his chest, his insides flashing with sparks, and he has to turn it off mid-episode to shut it all down.

Stupid fucking mating season. Now that he’s aware of it, he sees signs of it everywhere. Constant ads. Omegas walking around with hickeys all over their necks and self-satisfied smiles on their faces. As if it’s some big feat that they found an alpha willing to stick it in. Please.

“It’s not even that big of a deal,” Yoongi complains to Jimin as they walk back to the Hybe building after going out to grab some coffee. “Once a year, our bodies desperately want to get pregnant. So what? That’s not romantic. There’s no need for it to be so commercialized.”

“You sound like an old man complaining like that.”

“Well maybe old men are right, huh? It’s stupid that we take a normal part of life and act like it’s this big romantic thing when it’s actually a huge hassle. And also ads only show omega women in them. Do we not exist? It’s fucked up.”

Jimin laughs, his newly dyed brown hair catching the light. He looks as beautiful as ever, and Yoongi tries not to think about how his own hair is a tangled mess right now underneath his cap. Jimin says, “We only get shown on ads for contraceptives, that’s true. But I don’t know, I think spending your heat with someone can be romantic. It’s definitely not a hassle when you’re with an alpha you like.”

Yoongi feels his face heats up at that. Right, he’d been blabbering on without really thinking his words through. He has never spent his heat with anyone. He had always wanted to wait to spend his heat with Namjoon. The fever always leaves him feeling weak and vulnerable, and he hadn’t wanted to let anyone else see him like that. Maybe he had wanted it to be special. It’s embarrassing to admit even to himself.

“I guess,” Yoongi says, not wanting to explain his past or the fact that his parents would have disowned him if they’d found out he hadn’t been completely chaste while Namjoon was away.

Jimin gives him a mischievous smile. “I bet Seokjin-hyung would make it really romantic for you. He seems like the type.”

“Ah, this nonsense again,” Yoongi says, his insides feeling funny at just the mention of Seokjin. “It’s not like that with us. We're just friends.”

“So what? You’re stuck with him for life, aren’t you? You’re telling me you’re never going to fuck? It’s gonna happen eventually. It might as well be now.”

“What, just because I'm an omega and he's an alpha? Are you into Jungkook then?”

Jimin laughs at him, as if Yoongi’s a little kid whose tantrum is adorable. “No no, you two are gonna end up together because you have good chemistry. Can't you feel it? Don't you want it?”

“This is horrible advice. I'm not listening to you. You’re crazy.”

“I’m not! Think about it! You could have an alpha take care of you, but instead you’re choosing to spend hours crying into your pillow from frustration? Now that’s crazy. You’re basically torturing yourself unnecessarily.” Jimin throws an arm around Yoongi’s shoulders and pulls him closer to whisper, “Plus I really think hyung likes you.”

Yoongi scoffs and shoves Jimin off him, which only makes Jimin laugh some more. “There’s something wrong with you. We’re not going to fall in love.”

“Fine, don’t fall in love then. Just have great heat sex every year. Why not?”

Why not? There are reasons. Many reasons, even. It’s just that Yoongi’s stupid, hormone filled brain isn’t thinking of any right now.

♡♡♡

A popular kid’s show asked Seokjin to be a guest, and the contract for it has finally been approved and signed. The show’s appeal lies in the fact that it gets a broad array of celebrities to make special guest appearances, mostly musical ones, and Seokjin has the perfect idea for what sort of thing he’d like to put on for his segment. Lucky for him, he has a mate who produces music.

Yoongi needed no convincing to help, and so Seokjin finds himself in Yoongi’s studio, feeling a little vulnerable as Yoongi reads over the lyrics. Yoongi’s smile is huge as his shoulders shake in his near silent chuckle.

Seokjin says, “Yah, what’s so funny? I wrote those myself, you know.”

“I can tell.”

“You better not be implying anything mean about my beautiful, heartfelt song.”

Yoongi reads, “Please bite my rod,” and breaks into another round of chuckles.

Seokjin can feel his ears turning red. “It’s a fun song for the kids! This expresses exactly how I feel out at sea! It’s art! You can’t do art wrong!” When Yoongi doesn’t stop laughing, Seokjin huffs. “I can find another producer, you know.”

Yoongi seems completely unaffected by the threat, just waves his hand around dismissively and says, “I think I have something that will work with this.”

Recording a song, Seokjin soon realizes, is a lot harder than it seems. He feels self-conscious as he sings with Yoongi watching. He finds himself stumbling over simple words and struggling to follow Yoongi’s incredibly specific instructions on how to sing it. The whole process takes way longer than he could’ve ever imagined, but by the end of the day they have a song.

Yoongi grins, looking very happy, as they listen to the demo. “Super Tuna!” Seokjin’s voice sings at the end, and Yoongi gives him a thumbs up.

“Not bad,” Yoongi says.

"What do you mean not bad? The world will demand I become an idol after this, and I'm just not sure I can juggle that on top of my acting. Maybe we shouldn't release it."

Yoongi laughs and shakes his head. "We worked hard today. Come on, let's go home."

Seokjin watches as Yoongi carefully packs up a few things into his backpack. Before Yoongi can put it on, though, Seokjin takes it from him and puts it over his own shoulder instead.

Yoongi asks, “You’re gonna carry it for me?”

“Ah, Yoongi, seriously. What will everyone in the building think if they see me not caring for my mate? My reputation will be ruined. Rumors will start, and we can’t have that. Actually, now that I think about it.” He grabs Yoongi’s hand and threads their fingers together. “We should hold hands too, just to be safe.”

He expects Yoongi to scoff and pull away, expects him to insist that he can carry his own things, but to his surprise Yoongi swings their hands a little, a sweet smile on his face, seemingly happy enough to go along with Seokjin’s plan.

Seokjin’s heart soars in his chest as they step out into the hallway. Why does Yoongi have the cutest smile in the entire world? How is that fair? He wonders just how many times he can possibly get away with using that line to hold Yoongi’s hand again.

Their one year anniversary passed by a few of days ago, but neither of them mentioned it. Seokjin didn’t want to bring up any of the bad memories associated with that time, not when things are so good between them right now. They step into the elevator, hands still clasped together. Yes, things are good. Seokjin can live forever on these crumbs and be content enough. He can—

The elevator doors open a floor below and there stands Namjoon. A quick glance to Yoongi’s face says that he’s also taken aback. Namjoon’s eyes go to their hands, to the backpack on Seokjin’s shoulder. His jaw clenches.

“Ah, Joonie. Funny running into you,” Seokjin says, forcing a smile. He isn’t surprised when Yoongi lets go of his hand, but it still stings.

Namjoon steps into the small space, pressing the button for a few floors down. “Jin-hyung,” he says in tense acknowledgment. His voice softens considerably as he says, “Hi, Yoongi-hyung.”

“Hey,” Yoongi says, giving him a small smile. It’s nothing like the real one Yoongi had on his face earlier, before Namjoon ruined it.

Unable to stand the painful silence, Seokjin asks, “Still on the clock?”

“Yeah. There’s still some things I have to do.”

“Of course. I’m sure you’re very busy. Don’t forget to eat dinner, though. Proper meals are important.”

The elevator stops at Namjoon’s floor, and Seokjin quickly waves, eager for him to leave. “Bye, little brother. Don’t work too hard.”

Namjoon steps out and glances back, his eyes on Yoongi. “Bye, hyung.” Seokjin is pretty sure he wasn’t talking to him.

“Bye,” Yoongi says softly.

They’re silent for a couple of floors down until Seokjin asks, “You okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Good,” Seokjin says as the elevator finally gets to their floor.

He tries not to be too upset as the rest of the ride home is silent. He’s angry that Namjoon wiped the happy smile off Yoongi’s face, that it caused Yoongi to pull away from him. That familiar old resentment sits in his chest like a rock.

Namjoon gets to be the perfect son with the perfect family. He gets Yoongi's heart, gets love songs immortalizing him, gets to throw it all away on a whim. He gets to affect Yoongi's emotions, even now. It's enough to make Seokjin burn.

He keeps busy by cooking dinner with Jungkook, Yoongi only coming out of his room when it’s ready. Jungkook does most of the talking as they eat, filling them in on the latest adventure he had with Taehyung at Lotte World. Seokjin only half listens. He’s too preoccupied with the way Yoongi is acting strange. He’s fidgety, hardly looking up from his plate, not really saying anything.

It makes Seokjin worry. He doesn’t know what to do. They're friends now, yes, but would Yoongi want him to pry? Or should he give Yoongi space?

He has almost settled on casually asking Yoongi if everything is okay when Yoongi is the one who leans over to him after dinner and asks in a low voice, “Can I talk to you for a second?”

Seokjin’s stomach clenches with worry, but he still nods and follows Yoongi to his room, where the door gets firmly closed behind them.

“So,” Yoongi says, looking nervous. Seokjin feels entirely on edge. “I wanted to ask you something. Obviously you don’t have to, so don’t feel bad saying no. It’s a big favor to ask, and I know that, but I figure I should still ask anyway since — I mean, it’s not like I can ask a lot of people. But that doesn’t mean you should feel obligated to say yes, so—”

“Yoongi,” Seokjin cuts in. “Uh, I still don’t know what we’re talking about.”

“Right. Yes. Sorry.” Yoongi’s cheeks are lightly pink, his eyes refusing to look at Seokjin. “If you… wanted to… we could spend my heat together. If you’d be okay with that?”

Seokjin’s eyes widen in shock. “Yes,” he says immediately, a little afraid he’s misunderstanding this.

Yoongi seems just as surprised. "Yes?"

"Of course. If you’re sure about it, then you can count on me."

“Okay.” Yoongi’s smile looks relieved. “Uh, cool. It’ll probably be in a couple of weeks. Does that fit into your schedule?”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll make sure I have the time. I’ll stop by the doctor and get a birth control shot. Sounds good?”

“Yeah. Sounds good. I’ll let you know when I, uh, start feeling the pre-heat symptoms.” Yoongi gives him that sweet smile that makes Seokjin feel weak and says, “Thank you for agreeing, hyung. I appreciate it.”

My pleasure, Seokjin thinks, but the last thing he wants to do is ruin the mood with a stupid joke. He says instead, “No problem.”

Seokjin waits until he’s back in his own room, the door carefully closed, to twirl around a couple of times before doing celebratory punches into the air. His heart feels like it’s going to burst into confetti. This is amazing! This is incredible!

His brain skips ahead, picturing spending every mating season from now on with Yoongi. He’ll do everything he can to make sure Yoongi feels good. He’ll take such good care of him that Yoongi will forget all about Namjoon. If he is good enough, if he can prove himself enough, then maybe he can get Yoongi to fall for him too.

☆☆☆

Yoongi doesn’t hate being an omega, exactly. He has no problem with his body, with what it can do, with what it craves. Even having to deal with his stupid heats is at least only a once a year thing that he can put up with. No, what he hates, what he has always hated, is how differently people treat him when they find out.

When people meet him and assume he’s an alpha — and they always do assume that — they tend to leave him alone. It’s entirely different when people know he’s an omega. Once they know, then they criticize his every move, who he’s with, how he acts. They’ll judge the way he’s dressed and tsk and tut and give him entirely unasked for advice. The assumptions they make about him are even more infuriating. It’s even worse among the upper class, who have nothing to do all day except gossip. They make it clear that Yoongi — plain, ungraceful, temperamental Yoongi — doesn’t meet the standards, not the way people like Taehyung and Jimin do.

Namjoon never made him feel like that though. Namjoon never seemed to care much about what the world expected of them because of their genders. It had been a relief when Yoongi first got to know him. He felt grateful knowing they would be equals in their marriage — they always agreed on that. Yes, Yoongi would’ve had to pop out babies quickly and yes, Yoongi would’ve had to conform to everything expected of him as Namjoon’s mate, but at least between them, in private, Yoongi would’ve been free to be himself. Yoongi had been willing to sacrifice everything to have that.

He’s been thinking about this a lot as he gets closer and closer to his heat. He and Seokjin have been married for a year, and so much has changed. Never in his wildest dream did he imagine that his life could be like this. He has a job now, and not just any job but a job doing exactly what he loves. A job that lets his music reach people. Seokjin and Jungkook have no expectations from him. It’s not like they put him in charge of the apartment just because he’s an omega. Here in their home and with their friends, Yoongi is free to be himself. When he married Seokjin he thought he was dooming himself to a lifetime of misery, but one year later, he thinks his life here has given him more freedom than he has ever had before, more than he had ever dared to hope for.

And now that Seokjin is going to spend his heat with him…

Yoongi highly suspects his hormones are at the wheel right now, but perhaps Jimin really is right. Why not let Seokjin help? Friends help each other out with heats all the time. Probably. Yoongi’s pretty sure he’s heard that before somewhere. Seokjin is attractive and smells so fucking good, and most importantly, the risk is low. The worst that could happen is that things get awkward between them for a while. But they could probably handle that like adults, right? It’s perfect.

He had to lose a lot to get here. He had to be dragged through hell and back, had to rebuild everything from the ground up, but he feels good these days. He’d been so sure that he would never be happy again, but he has finally found quiet contentment in this new life. He has stronger walls now, armor that no arrow could possibly pierce. He’s tougher and freer, and he’s determined never to let himself feel that low ever again.

There’s a little bounce in his step as he and Taehyung step into a restaurant to grab lunch. Taehyung grins as Yoongi absentmindedly hums a little tune as they get their food and begin eating.

Taehyung teases, “Did your favorite basketball team win a game or something? You’re in a good mood.”

“I’m excited to eat. I’m starving.”

“Yes, I can see that,” Taehyung says with a laugh as Yoongi shovels a big bite of food into his mouth. “I’m glad. I love seeing you happy, hyung. Usually you’re really grumpy during mating season.”

“I guess things are going okay,” Yoongi says. It’s definitely easier to be in a good mood knowing his upcoming heat won’t be miserable. And then, because there's something off about Taehyung’s smile, he asks, “What about you? Are you doing alright?”

Taehyung freezes for a second before putting his chopsticks down. He sighs. “I don’t know. I’ve been thinking a lot lately. My heat is soon and… I just don’t know if I’m ready to have a baby yet.”

The news stuns Yoongi. Taehyung has been dreaming of having kids since forever. He fawns over babies and runs to play with any kid he sees. He’s always wanted to be a young father, has always dreamed of having a big family. Even when they were kids, Taehyung would always say that he couldn’t wait to be a dad. Yoongi doesn’t even know what to say.

Taehyung looks more and more miserable by the second, so Yoongi scrambles to say, “There’s no rush, if you’re not ready.”

“I just feel like — wait, are you sure it’s okay to talk to you about this? Is it weird?”

It’s weird, an uncomfortable feeling under Yoongi’s skin, but he doesn’t want Taehyung to know that. His need to make sure Taehyung is okay wins out, and so Yoongi says, “It’s not weird. I can handle it. What does Namjoon think?”

Taehyung sighs again. “I don’t know. I mean he says he’s fine waiting, but I know his parents are pressuring him. I don’t know if he’s really okay with it or just saying that.”

“It doesn’t matter what his parents want. They aren’t the ones who get to decide.” Even as the words come out, Yoongi knows it isn’t that simple. He certainly would’ve never been brave enough to tell them no, to speak up and say that he would’ve preferred to wait a couple of years before having a baby. If he’d told them he wanted to pursue a career in music they would’ve probably had instant heart attacks.

But Taehyung is nodding, clearly getting the reassurance he was looking for. “That’s what our counselor said too.”

“Counselor?”

“Yeah.” Taehyung looks down, an air of embarrassment about him. “We started going to couples counseling.”

“That’s good,” Yoongi says, watching closely as Taehyung gives a dejected looking shrug. Yoongi frowns. “Isn’t it?”

“I guess it is. I don’t know. She’s having us talk a lot and come up with compromises. She keeps asking us to picture our future, but I just… I keep thinking that Namjoon-hyung would be a great dad when he’s there, but he’s always busy. It would all fall on me, and I just don’t know if I can handle that right now. I wouldn’t have time to see my friends.”

You mean Jungkook? Yoongi thinks, knowing that that’s who Taehyung spends most of his free time with. But Taehyung already looks upset, and Yoongi doesn’t want to start any fights right now.

So he says instead, “It’s a big decision to have a baby. It’s good you’re not taking it lightly. You’re young and have more than enough time to figure it out later. Maybe things will be different later on. Who knows. But it’s your body and your life and no one should get to make this choice except you.”

Taehyung nods, his eyes focused on Yoongi as if he’s absorbing every word. “Right. It’s my choice. I get to have a say.”

“You definitely do.”

Taehyung gives him a grateful looking smile. “Thank you, hyung. I know it’s awkward, but I appreciate it.”

“It’s fine. Like I said, I’m doing alright these days.” Yoongi thinks of Seokjin and a thrill sparks in him. He can’t stop himself from smiling a little, a nervous anticipation filling him up.

“Your pretty teeth,” Taehyung coos. “Ah, you’re the cutest, hyung. I love you.”

“Thank you.”

“Say it back,”

“Finish your food, it’ll get cold.”

“Come on,” he whines. “I love you, hyung.”

“I love you too,” Yoongi says dutifully, but it makes Taehyung grin so it’s worth it.

The rest of lunch is spent on lighter topics, though Yoongi is still thinking about it by the time he heads over to Jimin and Hoseok’s apartment in the afternoon. It’s good that they’re getting help. Knowing that eases some of the worry he carries in the back of his mind. He wants them to be happy, he does. That jealous hurt he used to feel has dulled down so much that he has to search deep to even feel it.

He’s never been to Jimin and Hoseok’s apartment before, and it feels a little awkward to be there as he takes off his shoes, Jimin excitedly insisting on giving him a tour of the small apartment. The whole place is neat and organized but instead of feeling sterile it just feels spacious and open. There’s plenty of little touches of Jimin and Hoseok sprinkled everywhere.

“Sit sit,” Jimin says after the short tour, pointing to the couch. “I’ll get us something to drink.”

“Where’s Hoseok?”

“Out on a date.”

Hmm. Yoongi’s curious, but he doesn’t dare to ask more. He certainly doesn’t want Jimin to get suspicious and start asking unnecessary questions.

“Thank you,” Yoongi says as Jimin hands him a mug of tea.

Jimin settles down on the other side of the couch, facing Yoongi. He grins as he holds his own mug between his hands.

“What?” Yoongi asks, raising an eyebrow. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’m just excited you’re here. You never take me up on the offer to come over.”

“Well you always frame it as special omega bonding time. I was scared you’d insist on putting makeup on me.”

“You’d look really pretty with eyeliner and a tinted lip balm though.”

Yoongi huffs out a laugh. “I knew this was a trap.”

“It’s not, I promise! I'm just saying. It could be fun.”

“Is that what you and Hoseok do for fun? Put makeup on each other.”

“Sometimes. Hobi-hyung likes it when I paint his nails too.” Jimin laughs as Yoongi makes a face. “What? Do you also have something against nail polish?”

“No, it's fine, I guess. I just always found it annoying how people would always assume I'd be into stuff like that just because I'm an omega. As if we're all the same.”

“So you avoided it to prove that you were different?”

“No,” Yoongi says automatically, even though he feels a twinge of untruth. “I really wasn't interested.”

He wasn't interested and he wanted to prove a point.

“I was interested, but I pretended not to be. I was desperate to be seen as manly when I was a teenager.”

Yoongi’s eyebrows go up in surprise. “Manly? You?”

“Yes, me! That's exactly why I tried so hard. I didn't like that people could tell I was an omega pretty much by looking at me. It felt — I don't know. Embarrassing, sort of. Like I was this big stereotype. And people are always so quick to make comments.”

Yoongi makes a noise of agreement before taking a sip of his tea. He knows exactly the type of comments Jimin means.

“I tried so hard, but I was pretty miserable. I was basically trying not to be myself for years. When I came to Seoul and met Hobi-hyung, though, I was so amazed by how cool he was. He loves being an omega and I wanted to love it too instead of fighting against it. I didn’t really know any other guy omegas before I met Hobi-hyung. It’s nice to talk to people who get what it’s like, you know?”

“I guess so,” Yoongi says, his hand reaching up to touch his necklace. His finger wraps around the thin chain, as he adds, “My cousin’s Taehyung, he’s an omega too, but I guess we never really talked about stuff like this. Before you and Hoseok, I mostly hung out with alphas.”

It feels slightly shameful to admit, as if he was betraying all omegas by having done so. But it had felt easier to do that than to be constantly comparing himself.

“I could tell,” Jimin teases with a giggle, his socked foot stretching to nudge Yoongi’s leg. “You weren’t really friendly at first.”

“Well that had more to do with everything that was going on at the time.”

“Were you really that unhappy marrying Jin-hyung?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi admits, even as it makes Jimin’s eyes go sad. “It’s not what either of us wanted.”

“It seems pretty nuts that in this day and age people are still being forced to get married.”

“It’s all archaic. Just a bunch of rich assholes living in the past. I’m surprised mating bites aren’t still a thing.” He loops his chain around his finger one more time, feeling the metal dig into his skin, before he forces his hand to drop and wrap around his mug once more.

“Namjoon-hyung says the same thing. You two were supposed to get married right? Instead of you and Jin-hyung?”

“Yeah.” Yoongi takes another sip of tea, feeling awkward and uncomfortable with where the conversation is going. He can see Jimin thinking up how to get more information out of him. He blurts out before he can think better of it, “By the way, I asked hyung if he would help me out during my heat.”

Jimin's face practically lights up. “Really? Oh my god, that's amazing!”

Yoongi knows he's blushing, suddenly feeling inexplicably shy. “I guess you made a convincing argument. It's worth trying out at least once.”

“Right! I'm sure it'll be magical!”

“Unless he's bad at it,” Yoongi jokes and then laughs at Jimin's immediate noise of protest.

“He'll be great! And you're gonna be so happy, I just know it.”

“It's just sex, nothing more.”

“Whatever,” Jimin says as he rolls his eyes. “You're gonna be in love so fast and I'm not gonna be the bigger person. I'm gonna say I told you so every single day.”

Yoongi's reply gets lost as the front door gets thrown open and a huffy Hoseok marches in. Both Jimin and Yoongi turn to look as Hoseok angrily kicks off his shoes before reaching down to neatly put them in the shoe rack by the door.

“That bad?” Jimin asks.

“The worst,” Hoseok replies, coming over to the couch and sitting down.

Jimin quickly puts down his own mug to pull Hoseok into a hug. “Wanna tell us what happened?”

“Well first he talked about himself for like an hour — he seriously never even asked me one thing! The whole time! And then he fucking asks me if I've had my heat already? Before I could even tell him to fuck off he was already trying to lean in to kiss me! I literally got up and left. That was the worst fucking date I've ever been on.”

“Disgusting,” Jimin says sympathetically.

“You should've punched him,” Yoongi says.

“I should have! He was a creep. He would've deserved it.” Hoseok sighs, his body slumping even more into Jimin's hold. “I wasted so much time trying to look nice.”

“You look beautiful,” Jimin says, giving Hoseok a squeeze. “The most handsomest guy in the world, that's you.”

Hoseok smiles, and Yoongi looks away, feeling like he's intruding. He's always envied people who are like this. People for whom it's easy to give and receive affection. Yoongi had wanted it so much when he was a child, but somewhere along the way he became too unused to it. People's touch prickled at him, reminding him of that hurt.

He’s not sure why it’s different with Jungkook and Seokjin. Maybe because he knows they’re like that, prone to casual touch. It doesn’t feel like pity when they include him in their easy skinship. It never feels like they expect anything back from him or like it’s too much.

“Sorry to crash your night,” Hoseok says.

“The more the merrier,” Jimin says quickly. “Yoongi’s never had a proper omega bonding night, so this is perfect.”

Hoseok laughs, but when he looks at Yoongi’s there’s a clear question there, trying to make sure it’s really okay.

Yoongi nods and says, “I might let you put a sheet mask on me.”

The night goes surprisingly well. Yoongi’s in a good enough mood that he really does put on a sheet mask when Jimin and Hoseok do too. They spend the afternoon on the couch, eating and talking. It’s fun, and Yoongi wouldn’t say no to another dumb omega bonding night if they were to invite him again.

His mind wanders only a few times, though he’s pretty sure he’s good at hiding it. That restlessness is still under his skin, his thoughts constantly drifting to Seokjin. It’s like his body is already anticipating his heat, already knows that Seokjin is the alpha that will take care of him through it.

Yoongi trusts Seokjin. He knows he’ll do a good job, knows he won’t have anything to worry about. Jimin’s insistence that they’ll fall in love because of this is completely ridiculous. They’ll share an intimate moment together, yes, but it won’t lead to anything more than that. Yoongi is sure of it. Seokjin is the last person he could ever fall in love with.

Chapter Text

♡♡♡

“Right,” Seokjin says after thirty seconds of awkward silence has passed.

“Right,” Yoongi echoes.

They're both sitting on the couch, the apartment to themselves. They are being very mature and talking about it. Well, theoretically they agreed to talk about it, set a date and a time. They can't seem to get the actual talking part started.

Seokjin's ears feel very hot, and Yoongi is refusing to make any sort of eye contact. This isn’t a very good start, and it only makes the queasy, nervous feeling in Seokjin’s tummy grow even more. It’s been living there for a few days now as they get closer and closer to Yoongi’s heat.

He just… really, really needs it to go well. He can’t mess this up. He can’t.

Seokjin clears his throat and figures the best way out of this is to just set off the bomb. Says, “Right. So. We’re going to have sex.”

“Right,” Yoongi says, though he is looking down at the floor as if hoping it will swallow him up.

“Would you prefer we spend it here? Or we could rent a nice hotel room, if that sounds better?”

Yoongi furrows his brows, thinking for a moment, before answering, “Here is fine.”

“Okay. Your room? Mine? We could ask Jungkook if he’s cool with us doing it in his if—”

Yoongi laughs, some of the tension between them breaking, and Seokjin feels his own shoulders relax just a bit. “I don’t care. Do you have a preference?”

“I think I’d prefer my room,” he says, the image in his mind of Yoongi between his bedsheets making his pulse pick up. “Is that alright?”

“Yeah. That’s fine.”

“Good. I’ll tell Jungkook I’ll get him a hotel room for the night then. I also made an appointment to go get a birth control shot tomorrow.” Seokjin searches Yoongi’s face with too much intensity, forcing back the sudden spike of worry that that was a presumptuous assumption to make.

Surely Yoongi doesn’t want a baby with him right now? Does he? What if he does, what if Seokjin fucked up, what if—

“Oh good,” Yoongi says, looking relieved. “Right I hadn’t — I hadn’t thought of that. That’s good.” His eyes glance at Seokjin before quickly moving off him again. “I’ve never spent my heat with anyone before, so. I guess it’s good we’re talking things through.”

Seokjin’s stupid heart soars. He likes that thought, that he’ll be the first to have this privilege. Hopefully the last too. “What’s it usually like for you?”

The pink on Yoongi’s cheeks intensifies but he seems overall less embarrassed now as he answers, “The fever typically hits me at night. Sometimes in the late evening. Usually it lasts around seven hours, so I hardly get any sleep — though I mean, I guess it’s supposed to be different. When you have someone. Hopefully you’ll be able to catch some sleep.”

Seokjin tries — and mostly fails — to suppress the stupid smile taking over his face. “Don’t worry, dear Yoongi. I can handle it. I’ll make sure you’re well taken care of.”

Yoongi gives a nod, like that’s something he already knew.

“Is there anything I should know?” Seokjin asks. “Things you like? Things you don’t like?”

“I don’t — I mean, normal things?” Yoongi clears his throat and shifts nervously. “I don’t really know what I like while in heat, I guess. I can’t exactly do a lot because of the fever so I just kinda suffer through it. I’ve had normal sex before, but that was mostly just… I don’t know. Impersonal, I guess.”

“Impersonal?”

“Yeah. Quick, you know. Not a lot of exploring or whatever.”

“Okay,” Seokjin says easily, trying to smooth over whatever obvious discomfort Yoongi is feeling. “Well just promise to tell me if you don’t like something. We can follow your instincts.”

“Okay. Yeah, I’ll, uh, speak up if I need anything to be different. I’m sure it will be fine. Things won’t get weird between us, will they? After?”

“No. We won’t let them. It’s a perfectly normal thing, right?”

“Yeah. Normal. Perfectly normal. Thank you, hyung. I really do appreciate that you’re willing to do this.”

Seokjin smiles, his heart warm. “Thank you for trusting me enough to ask.”

Yoongi’s answering smile is sweet and trusting, despite the pink still flooding his cheeks. Seokjin needs to get this right.

☆☆☆

When Yoongi wakes up from restless sleep, he can instantly feel the pre-heat symptoms kick in. He feels sluggish and irritable, his body simultaneously light and heavy as if he’s dragging himself through water.

There’s some jittery feeling in the center of his chest that might be nerves or excitement. It’s not too bad though — he’s pretty sure it would be worse if they hadn’t had their embarrassing talk a few days back. Yoongi knows what to expect. He knows it’ll be more than alright.

He finds Seokjin in the kitchen, wearing his blue cartoon angels pajamas. It’s a comforting sight.

“Hyung.”

Seokjin turns and whatever he sees when he looks at Yoongi is more than enough. His eyes widen slightly before he says, “It started? Okay, let me tell Jungkook.”

Jungkook leaves the apartment with a packed bag and a huge, smug grin. “Bye, Yoongi-hyung!” he calls from the doorway. “Bye Jin-hyung! Have fuuun!”

“I’ll get my revenge on him,” Seokjin declares as the front door closes. He turns back to Yoongi, who is miserably crumpled up on the couch, and asks, “Ready for some breakfast?”

Yoongi isn’t particularly hungry, but he knows from experience that going the whole day without eating will just make him more miserable. Seokjin makes dakjuk and the two of them eat it on the couch, Yoongi bundled up in a blanket at Seokjin’s insistence.

Ever since his first heat at sixteen, Yoongi has simply endured the fatigue, the aches, the painful yearning. All of the stupid symptoms demanding him to find an alpha to put a baby in him. He is used to spending it alone and miserable, unable to do much except wait for it to be over.

It feels strange to have Seokjin around during his pre-heat. Yoongi falls in and out of restless sleep on the couch, occasionally catching the sounds of Seokjin in the kitchen or feeling him come by and stroke his hair. That’s perhaps the strangest thing, the way Seokjin is so attentive. He has a warm tea ready for him when Yoongi can’t sleep any longer, and by lunch time, Seokjin looks like he’s ready to spoon-feed him from how closely he’s watching Yoongi eat.

It’s perhaps a bit too much, and yet… it’s nice to have him there. It’s nice how closely they sit together on the couch. It’s nice to watch a mindless TV show and nice how Seokjin automatically wraps an arm around Yoongi, pulling him close. Yoongi doesn’t fight it, can’t even pretend to be embarrassed by how much comfort this simple closeness brings him. He lets his head rest on Seokjin’s chest, inhaling his clean, musky scent. Seokjin gently rubs a hand up and down his arm, his back, the slow motions so soothing.

Yoongi thinks that if he’d known just how much work Seokjin would put in, he probably wouldn’t have asked him. It’s so much attention, too much to ask of a friend, way more than just a night spent fucking like he’d expected. And yet, being here now, he is so fucking glad he did ask Seokjin. There’s no choking loneliness. There’s no yearning for anyone else. It just feels good, and Yoongi lets himself have it, just this once.

It's dark outside when Seokjin says, “Wanna head to bed?”

Yoongi makes a sleepy sounding noise as he forces his mind to come back from where it’d been wandering. He doesn't particularly want to move. He feels too relaxed — which is odd, considering that he usually spends his pre-heat day tense and restless. Bed? Yes, bed would be nice. Except…

“I wanna shower first though.” There's a clammy sort of feeling to his skin that he's desperate to get rid of.

With a lot of effort, Yoongi gets himself upright again, detangling himself from Seokjin. He takes a few steps forward before stumbling. He quickly regains his balance, but Seokjin is instantly at his side, grabbing onto Yoongi as if he might topple over.

“I'm fine,” Yoongi says, though his knees feel a bit like jelly and his arms are dangling uselessly at his side.

“Maybe I should help,” Seokjin says, looking worried.

“Help me shower?” Yoongi asks with a huff of laughter, but Seokjin seems completely serious.

“Why not? Just to make sure you won't collapse in there. I can wash your hair.”

Yoongi wants to protest, a part of him fearing that he is being too much of a hassle. But his arms are tired and he really does want to feel clean before getting into Seokjin's bed. Still…

“Are you nervous about me seeing you naked?”

“No,” Yoongi lies. He already knows that he's nothing special, that compared to Seokjin there's nothing to see. It shouldn't matter, but a wave of embarrassment still goes through his stomach at the thought of Seokjin getting a good look in the bright lights of the bathroom.

“I can stay out here, if you'd prefer.” He lets go of Yoongi cautiously, taking a small step back. “But the offer stands. You can give me a shout if you change your mind.”

That should be the end of it, but his legs refuse to walk, refuse to put more distance between him and Seokjin. He doesn’t want to be alone. It's ridiculous, he should just go, but he doesn't want to.

“You can help, if you really want,” Yoongi says, and Seokjin actually grins as if he is the one receiving the favor.

Seokjin leads him to his bathroom, and Yoongi can't help but look around with curiosity, having never actually been in here before. It's very similar to his own bathroom, though perhaps smaller. The soap dispenser by the sink is in the shape of a gummy bear, identical to the one in Jimin and Hoseok's bathroom. Did they buy them together? Yoongi wonders.

Seokjin takes it upon himself to turn the water on and adjust the temperature. He glances back at Yoongi and says, “Need help undressing?”

Yoongi scoffs, even as he feels his face heat up. “I'm fine. It's not that bad yet.”

He silently scolds himself for being stupid as he starts undressing. It shouldn't matter if Seokjin is unimpressed with his naked body. Seokjin probably isn't even thinking about that anyway. He's just being nice and attentive, the way he is with Jungkook and Hoseok and Jimin. He'd probably offer to do the same for them.

Yoongi steps into the perfectly warm water and instantly feels a little better. He gets his hair wet, gets his arms to cooperate enough to push it out of his face. It's only weird if he makes it weird. They can both politely ignore the fact that Yoongi is half hard.

“Wanna hear a song?” Seokjin asks before immediately starting to sing a song from the late 90’s.

It makes Yoongi smile and then laugh as Seokjin forgets the lyrics and starts to sing nonsense phrases. Seokjin keeps singing as he reaches for the shampoo.

It feels nice, the way Seokjin washes his hair, and then helps to wash his back as Yoongi manages to scrub at his own arms and front. He ignores the way his body tingles and thrills when Seokjin kneels to wash Yoongi's legs. It's fine. It's fine.

Except that if Seokjin wasn't here Yoongi would be furiously jerking himself off with the last of his strength, thinking about Seokjin's full lips and his broad shoulders, fuck.

“All clean,” Seokjin says cheerfully and Yoongi just grunts, praying his stupid fever would just kick in already.

Seokjin wraps a large towel around him before carefully moving on to drying Yoongi's hair, occasionally still breaking out into his song. His voice is nice, Yoongi thinks, letting his eyes fall closed.

It's funny, he never really thought about this part of it before. When he fantasized about spending his heat with Namjoon, it was always thoughts of what it would be like during. Heated kisses and primal desire. He never pictured Namjoon bathing him or cooking for him — not that Namjoon can be in the kitchen for more than a bowl of cereal before injuring himself. It's hard now to imagine what that would be like, his brain unable to put Namjoon in Seokjin's place.

Dried and dressed, Seokjin leads them to his bed. Yoongi closes his eyes as soon as he lies down. There's a weird fluttering in his chest and he's so unbelievably horny and he needs to just sleep to make time go by faster. It'll be easier once he can hide behind the haze of the fever. He feels too present, too aware of Seokjin's warm body next to him.

He manages a few minutes of lying there before the urge to touch wins out. He feels embarrassingly needy, his emotions uncomfortably raw. His hand is reaching out in the dark before he can control himself. Seokjin is there in an instant, his arms wrapping around Yoongi and pulling him in. It's instant relief. Yoongi's head rests against Seokjin's chest, his steady heartbeat a comforting sound to focus on as he lets himself drift off to sleep.

When his eyes open again, Seokjin's arms are still around him. He knows instantly that the fever has set in. He feels like he's burning up. His cock is hard, pressed against Seokjin’s body.

His thoughts are muddled. He’s burning up. His body wants, and his alpha is holding him.

All it takes is a whimper of discomfort for Seokjin to immediately wake up.

“Hey, hey,” Seokjin says softly, a hand coming up to cup Yoongi’s cheek. “It’s okay. Don’t worry, hyung’s here.”

Gentle hands grab the hem of Yoongi’s shirt and pull it off. His boxers come next. Seokjin is too far away as he leans back to quickly unbutton his pajama shirt.

“Hyung,” Yoongi says, forcing a weak hand up to touch Seokjin’s skin.

“Almost ready,” Seokjin says as he takes off his pajama pants and boxers at the same time.

Yoongi blinks. It’s too dark to see properly — the moonlight and light pollution that make it through the sheer curtains barely help — but it’s enough to know, to feel. Seokjin is naked, Yoongi is naked, and fuck, he wants him so much.

Another needy sound escapes Yoongi’s mouth, his heart rate picking up. He needs Seokjin. His body shivers with want, with heady anticipation.

“I got you,” Seokjin says, settling over Yoongi’s body. His skin is deliciously warm, setting off sparks, adding to the needy feeling growing in him.

Seokjin cups Yoongi’s face again. His nose brushes a line up Yoongi’s neck, the touch light and almost ticklish and so, so fucking good. Yoongi’s hand flexes where he’s still managing to hold on to Seokjin’s waist. Seokjin places soft kisses along Yoongi’s jaw, one on the corner of Yoongi’s mouth.

When he kisses Yoongi’s mouth, a burst of pleasure rushes through Yoongi’s entire body. Everything feels so heightened, his body receptive to every little movement, and just the press of Seokjin’s full lips is enough to make Yoongi moan.

Seokjin wastes no time deepening their kisses. His tongue meets Yoongi’s, the touch electric, causing another wave of thick arousal to go through him. Yoongi is so fucking hard and wet and ready. He needs more, needs Seokjin to fuck him, please, please, now, please.

“Fuck,” Seokjin says as he pulls back from their heated kisses and takes in big gulps of air.

It’s too much distance again, Yoongi doesn’t like it, can’t have Seokjin far away. He manages to wrap his arms around Seokjin’s neck, pulling him back in for more kisses. Seokjin comes back easily. His mouth moves against Yoongi’s with kiss after kiss, a hand caressing Yoongi’s side from his ribs to his hip.

It feels so good, so mind-meltingly good. Yoongi’s moaning, his brain too fuzzy to stop him or to even feel embarrassed. Nothing exists outside of this, outside of how good Seokjin can make his body feel. Even better when Seokjin grabs Yoongi’s thigh and moves it, creating space so that Seokjin’s hand can reach down between Yoongi’s legs.

Yoongi’s mouth drops open, kiss momentarily forgotten as Seokjin pushes in a finger. Fuck, it feels incredible, so much better than it has ever felt before. There’s no pain, no discomfort, no punishment from his body for failing to find an alpha. No, his body is on fire with hot, burning want, and Seokjin is only adding more heat.

Another finger slips in easily. Seokjin places sweet kisses along Yoongi’s throat as he fucks him. Yoongi forgets everything, his arms dropping from where he’d been holding onto Seokjin. Pleasure runs through him, intensifying even more when Seokjin adds in a third finger, yes, fuck yes. This is better, so much better. He feels fuller, feels so good.

Seokjin keeps up a steady pace with his fingers as he leans down and licks a teasing little circle around Yoongi’s nipple before closing his mouth around it. Yoongi’s body jolts. He tightens around Seokjin’s fingers, moaning again when it causes another lightning bolt of heat to flash through him.

There’s not a lot he can do, not with the way his limbs feel weak and useless, not with the way his brain refuses to form coherent sentences. All he can do is take it. It would be a scary feeling with anyone he trusted less, but there’s not a drop of fear in him. Not with how good Seokjin is making him feel.

“You ready?” Seokjin asks, his voice low and affected. It makes Yoongi shiver.

It takes a second for his brain to actually process the words, to decode what it is Seokjin is asking him. As soon as he does, though, he immediately nods, eager.

“Want you,” Yoongi manages to mumble, fighting for his eyes to open. It’s too dark to see — why is it so dark? — but Seokjin is close. His nose is brushing Yoongi’s, his handsome face so close, his lips right there pressing a soft kiss to Yoongi’s mouth.

He wants the lights to be on, wants to see Seokjin, but he can’t find the words to tell him. Not when Seokjin is taking his fingers out. Yoongi’s whine of displeasure is instantly soothed by another kiss. Seokjin pauses for a moment to rearrange Yoongi’s legs, to spread them open and arrange himself between them. Then, Yoongi feels it, feels Seokjin’s lining up his hard cock to Yoongi’s hole.

“Please,” Yoongi manages, all of his senses screaming with anticipation and desire. He wants it, wants to feel full, wants to feel Seokjin close. Fuck, he needs it, he needs it so much, he—

His eyes close again as Seokjin gently pushes in. It’s perfect, so incredibly perfect. His heart is beating so fast, his breathing coming in little pants as Seokjin sets a steady rhythm. Pleasure zips along his spine, down his arms. Yoongi’s cock leaks where it’s resting on his lower belly.

The haze lifts just slightly, a precious moment of clarity. Yoongi takes it, coordinates his arms enough to grab onto Seokjin, his big broad shoulders under Yoongi’s hands. “Hyung,” Yoongi says, gasping as Seokjin’s mouth latches onto Yoongi’s neck. On instinct, Yoongi tilts his head back, giving him full access. He moans at the feeling of Seokjin’s teeth gently biting down, just a small sting before his tongue is soothing the skin.

“More,” Yoongi manages, though he’s not entirely sure what he’s asking for. He just wants more, more of everything, more kisses, more touches. He wants to be fucked faster, wants Seokjin to never stop. He gives Seokjin’s shoulders a squeeze and says again, “Please, more.”

Seokjin picks up the pace, fucking Yoongi harder, faster. He shifts slightly, changing the angle, and oh fuck, fuck, that’s even better. Yoongi’s thighs tremble, the pleasure building so quickly, white heat burning him up.

“Yoongi,” Seokjin says before moaning, low and masculine, sending sparks through Yoongi.

“Kiss,” Yoongi says, turning his head to try and find Seokjin’s mouth, needing it, needing him so much.

Seokjin is there instantly, his lips capturing Yoongi’s, the kisses messy and full of desperate want. Seokjin’s tongue, more sparks, god, so much heat, too much, too much—

Yoongi’s orgasm catches him by surprise. He feels his body contract, his fingers digging into Seokjin’s skin. Hot pleasure takes over, leaves him breathless, as he comes.

Seokjin pauses and takes a moment to suck another hickey into Yoongi’s neck as Yoongi catches his breath. But Yoongi is still hard, his orgasm having done nothing to quell the desperate want still controlling him. He urges Seokjin to keep going as soon as he can.

He can feel the haze crawling back in, but not before he hears Seokjin say between kisses, “Yoongi. Doing so good for me. So cute, so beautiful. You’re doing so well, baby.”

Yoongi’s heart does a funny flip in his chest. Yes, he wants that. Wants Seokjin to think he’s pretty, wants his alpha to be pleased with him. He can’t stop moaning, can’t control himself. He can only feel. Seokjin is here, Seokjin is fucking him, Seokjin is kissing him, and it’s perfect, it’s so fucking perfect.

Seokjin’s knot is starting to swell, Yoongi can feel it, and excitement and want floods him. He needs it, needs to feel Seokjin come, needs to know that Seokjin feels good too. “Please.” Yoongi licks his lips, forces words to form. They’re important, it’s so important — “Knot me. Please.”

“Of course,” Seokjin says, rewarding Yoongi with another dizzying kiss.

He pushes in one last time, his knot forcing Yoongi’s body to make room, making him feel so full, so fucking good. Yoongi knows he’s trembling, his muscles twitching with electric pleasure. It’s so much, their bodies locked together. So full. Yoongi’s never — not with anyone, he’s never felt like this — so good.

“Yoongi,” Seokjin says, biting Yoongi’s neck again at the same time that he’s reaching down to grab Yoongi’s dick. His thumb plays with the sensitive head a few times, and that’s all it takes, that’s all it fucking takes for Yoongi to come.

His orgasm is only heightened by the feeling of Seokjin coming too. He can feel it, feel Seokjin’s cock twitch inside him, feel him come. His body rewards him with a new flood of endorphins. This is exactly what it wanted. He did a good job, yes, yes, yes.

Seokjin is panting. He says, “I can’t believe — fuck, you feel so good. Yoongi… fuck.”

“Kiss,” Yoongi says, feeling close to euphoric.

Nothing hurts as Seokjin eagerly kisses Yoongi. The desperate want has abated, retreating to the edges for a moment and allowing him this simple moment. Just closeness. Just Seokjin taking over all of his senses. He feels safe and wanted like this. Happy. Why did he waste so many years dealing with heats on his own when Seokjin should’ve been there with him all along?

♡♡♡

The morning light fills Seokjin’s bedroom, beautifully illuminating the sight in front of him. Yoongi ass up as Seokjin fucks him. He's a sight to behold, his back arched, his hands grabbing onto the sheets, his face against the mattress as he moans.

He took good care of Yoongi all night, getting him off over and over until at last the fever broke. They managed to sleep between rounds and a few hours this morning. When Yoongi woke him up this last time, it was with clear eyes and full control of himself. He’d pressed kisses to Seokjin’s neck, their bodies pressed together under the covers.

Seokjin keeps up this steady, brutal pace and feels his stupid alpha pride go through the roof at the knowledge that he is making Yoongi feel like this even outside of his heat.

“So good,” Yoongi slurs, his words coming out muffled before another needy moan escapes.

It’s Seokjin’s new favorite sound.

One of Yoongi’s hands trails down to his cock. He tightens around Seokjin as he starts playing with himself, his movements uncoordinated. The sight alone is enough to send a new spike of arousal through Seokjin, desire and pleasure flashing through his insides.

Seokjin’s grip on Yoongi’s hips tightens as he feels his knot grow. Yoongi must feel it too because his body contracts and he chokes on another moan.

“Do you want it?” Seokjin asks and then grins at Yoongi’s desperate little “Yes.”

Seokjin pushes in one last time and feels their bodies lock together. Fuck, Yoongi is so tight around him, the pleasure singing in Seokjin’s veins. He lets his hand travel from Yoongi’s hip to his lower tummy. He can feel the muscles there trembling as Yoongi continues to jerk off, the pace desperate now.

Yoongi gasps and comes. Seokjin follows just a moment later. It feels amazing — fuck, of course it does, it’s Yoongi — and yet a pang of sadness hits him even as pleasure spreads through him.

It’s not permanent. He can’t allow himself to forget that. Even as he caresses Yoongi’s back and gently gets them to lie down on the bed, even as he holds Yoongi close, he knows that Yoongi doesn’t feel the same way he does.

“You’re good at this,” Yoongi says, his voice deliciously low and raspy.

Seokjin grins and presses soft kisses to Yoongi’s neck, to the love bites he left there. He feels proud of himself knowing that Yoongi is covered in them. His neck, his chest, a few on his stomach, the inside of his thighs. Everywhere Seokjin left proof that he took good care of Yoongi.

“Were you worried I wouldn’t be?” Seokjin asks.

“I didn’t have high expectations,” Yoongi says, the teasing smirk on his lips audible in his voice.

“Yah,” Seokjin complains, but Yoongi is already laughing and it makes Seokjin laugh too. His heart feels so full. My omega is happy, he stupid brain thinks.

Yoongi feels relaxed in his arms. Seokjin presses a few more kisses to Yoongi’s skin, his hand gently caressing the softness of Yoongi’s belly. His heart burns with a wish: he wants to keep this. He wants this privilege, wants to keep Yoongi in his bed, wants to be the person that makes Yoongi moan and laugh and feel happy.

“Would you like some breakfast?” Seokjin asks as he feels his knot start to go down a few minutes later.

“Coffee would be nice.”

“I can make you coffee.”

“Wah, what an attentive alpha. Did you take a class or something? Or is it all from experience?”

“You’re too easily impressed. I’m starting to think I need to go have strong words with your past partners.”

“Yeah?” Yoongi is smiling. Seokjin can tell. “Should I give you their names and addresses?”

“Yes.”

“They weren’t too bad. I told them upfront I was looking for something fast and casual. Still… If I tell you you’re a lot better than them at it, would it inflate your ego?”

“It absolutely would.”

“Then nevermind.”

Seokjin gives a playful growl that just makes Yoongi laugh again. Seokjin’s knot has gone down enough that he’s able to slip out and maneuver them so that he is on top of a giggly Yoongi.

He’s so beautiful. His grin, his little aligning dots, his pretty eyes. Seokjin’s heart feels impossibly soft as he steals a few last kisses.

Seokjin makes them both breakfast while Yoongi showers. Luckily he’d already left a few things prepped in the fridge, so it’s not too long before he has Yoongi’s coffee brewing and soup bubbling on the stove.

The rice cooker sings a twinkling little song, signaling it’s finished, just as Yoongi steps into the kitchen. He’s dressed in sweatpants and a loose t-shirt, his necklace sitting on top. A thrill goes through Seokjin as he sees again just how many hickeys he left along Yoongi’s throat. Everyone will know. That’s the stupid stereotype, isn’t it, that alphas get possessive during their mate’s heats, that that old urge to bite is still buried deep somewhere.

Seokjin never felt that way. He used to wrinkle his nose at the pictures in history books of mating bites. He certainly never had that urge with anyone in the past. But last night, with Yoongi, he thinks he finally gets it. The stupid caveman alpha deep inside him wished to leave something permanent. A claim that no one could deny.

“Food’s almost ready,” Seokjin says.

Yoongi walks over and stands right behind him. He peeks over Seokjin’s shoulder to see what he’s cooking. “Looks good.”

Yoongi’s hair smells like Seokjin’s shampoo. Yoongi hasn’t moved away, still standing close. Seokjin feels overly aware of Yoongi’s body, his skin full of static. There’s something tense in the air.

“What is it?” Seokjin asks.

“I just… I feel like…” He doesn’t finish the sentence. He just wraps his arms around Seokjin’s middle and rests his head on Seokjin’s back. It makes Seokjin grin automatically. Yoongi grumbles, “Hormones are weird.”

“They are,” he agrees easily. He hadn’t really thought that Yoongi would be clingy today, but it makes sense considering how he behaved last night. It makes Seokjin's heart flutter to remember it. Yoongi in his arms asking for kiss after kiss. Yoongi’s desperate whines every time Seokjin pulled away even for a moment.

“Okay,” Yoongi says, though it sounds more like he’s talking to himself. He lets go of Seokjin and goes towards their rice cooker. “How much rice do you want?”

They eat on the couch again, sitting close together. Something stupid and dangerous is beginning to fill Seokjin up. Hope. Yoongi eats with a healthy appetite, his eyes bright, and Seokjin wants to believe he is the reason for this. Yoongi is in a good mood, joking and laughing easily, and Seokjin wants this to mean something.

It's dangerous, but he can't rein it in.

After Seokjin showers and steps back into his bedroom, Yoongi is still there. Seokjin smiles, drowning in hope. He can tell that Yoongi changed the sheets and is now lying in the middle of the bed. He seems a little tense, like a puppy that expects to get scolded for being on the bed.

“Hi,” Seokjin says, unable to hide how pleased he feels at seeing Yoongi there. It's exactly where he belongs.

“I changed the sheets,” Yoongi says, relaxing a little. “I figured it was only fair since it's my fault we got them so dirty.”

“I see,” Seokjin says, walking over to his drawers to grab some boxers and a t-shirt to slip on. He can tell that Yoongi is staring at him, watching him get dressed.

Hope pumps through him with every heartbeat. He goes over to the bed and slips under the covers too. He doesn’t hesitate to wrap an arm around Yoongi and pull him closer.

“Feeling alright? Anything sore or achy?”

“I'm fine,” Yoongi says, tilting his face up. A silent request for a kiss. How could Seokjin ever say no?

“Good,” Seokjin says before kissing Yoongi’s soft lips.

It feels wonderful to get to kiss Yoongi like this, slow and sweet, no other desire behind it except to feel close. Their chests pressed together, their legs tangling together — it all makes Seokjin feel like he’s covered in pixie dust, floating through the clouds.

It’s still early, not even noon, but since they didn’t sleep much last night, it's no surprise they fall asleep. Seokjin fights it for a few minutes, wanting to savor this feeling, but Yoongi is so warm and fits perfectly in his arms. It's an impossible fight.

They wake up a few hours later. Seokjin hears a familiar giggle and sure enough when he looks towards the door, Jungkook is standing there.

“You left your door open,” he says as he shamelessly takes out his phone and starts taking pictures.

Yoongi stretches and sits up, looking sleepy and unbothered by Jungkook’s presence.

“Jeon Jungkook,” Seokjin scolds, "who do you think you are, huh? Dispatch?”

“You two look so cute!” Jungkook says with a laugh, taking one last picture before dashing away.

“That kid, seriously,” Seokjin grumbles. “Clearly I failed somewhere along the way. He's definitely going to send that to Jimin.”

Yoongi laughs as he gets up and out of the bed. Seokjin’s heart sinks. It’s not a goodbye — of course not, they live together — but the knowledge does little to soothe the way every cell in his body hates seeing Yoongi inch towards the door. But that was their agreement, wasn’t it? He can’t think of an excuse to pull him back in.

“I’m gonna go catch up on some work,” Yoongi says. He stalls for a moment, seeming to be thinking something over, before saying, “Thank you for helping me out.”

“Of course. Was it… was it good?” Seokjin almost cringes at himself, but he needs to know.

To his relief, Yoongi smiles. “It was good,” he says with no hesitation, no room for doubt to wiggle in. He's almost out the door when he turns back and jokes, “We should make Jungkook buy us dinner as punishment for those pictures.”

Seokjin laughs, his heart feeling a tiny bit lighter.

♡♡♡

[Team Kim Seokjin]

JK added Yoongi ❤️ to the chat

JK:
Say hi Yoongi-hyung!

Yoongi ❤️:
Hello?

Hobi 😚✨🌻:
hi hyung!! 👋

Jimin:
welcome! ^^ i’ll give you a run down of how this chat works

jungkook never says anything

hoseok-hyung shows off his cool outfits and fancy drinks

and jin-hyung sends selfies and whines if we don’t tell him he’s handsome

Jwan:
turn back, dear Yoongi

this chat is full of venomous snakes who are not to be trusted

Hobi 😚✨🌻:
LOLOLOLOLOL

and Jimin uses this chat to instigate

Jimin:
i do not!!!!

Yoongi ❤️:
Well I can't see any of the messages from before I was added but I definitely believe that Jimin uses it for his evil little schemes

Jimin:
they’re not my schemes!! they’re jungkook's!!

JK:
(photo)

Now that we're all here, what do we think of this? 🤔

Jimin:
they were cuddling!!!!!!!!

Hobi 😚✨🌻:
waaaaaahh 👀 it looks like it went well then huh???

you guys enjoyed yourselves? 🔥🔥🔥

Jimin:
omg zoom in!! look at yoongi-hyung’s neck!!!!

Yoongi ❤️:
🙄

Jwan:
hoseok, as my manager, i need you to take legal action against jungkook. this is stalking, harassment, and a breach of my privacy

jail time

JK:
🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

If you didnt want me to see why did you leave the door open???

Yoongi ❤️:
I guess it did go well

Hyung knows what he's doing

Jimin:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JK:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hobi 😚✨🌻:
LMAO

☆☆☆

Yoongi enters Hybe wearing his usual baggy t-shirt and jeans, his necklace in plain view. He'd made no attempt to cover up any of the love bites on his throat. Honestly he would feel embarrassed if he didn’t feel so smug every time he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He looks like every mated omega during mating season, and try as he might, he can’t stop the smirk on his lips.

Jimin’s eyes widen as soon as he steps into Yoongi's studio. “Oh my god. It's even more scandalous in person.”

“Everybody looks like this.”

“No, this looks like your alpha went extra crazy.” Jimin flings himself onto the black couch. He takes a second to get comfortable before demanding, “Alright, now tell me everything!”

“Everything?” Yoongi leans back in his chair, grinning as Jimin eagerly nods.

“Yes! Every little detail. Even the gross ones — especially the gross ones!”

“From the very beginning?”

“Yes!”

“Hmm, well you see, when we evolved into humans, nature found a way to make sure we would reproduce. Every mating season, omegas go into heat, resulting in—”

“You’re not funny!”

Yoongi laughs so hard that he has to clutch his stomach. Jimin’s indignant glare is too fucking funny.

“Come on, tell me!” Jimin whines, whipping out puppy eyes as he looks up at Yoongi. “I spent my heat alone. It was awful. The least you can do is tell me how it went.”

Yoongi crosses his arms and sighs, though he’s unable to stop himself from grinning. “I'm not sure I should kiss and tell.”

A whiney, “Hyung!”

“Fine, what do you want to know, you little pervert?”

“Did you kiss? Was it amazing? Are you two together now?”

“Yes, yes, no.”

“Why not?!”

“What do you mean why not? That wasn’t the deal. He just agreed to help me with my heat, and that was it. It was platonic.”

Jimin rolls his eyes. “I didn't know it was possible to have platonic sex with your literal mate.”

“The world these days, you know, anything is possible. It’s the 21st century. Read a book.”

“Oh whatever! Explain the pictures Jungkook took then. You two were all snuggled up together. That's not platonic.”

“Sure it is. You just don’t get it.” Yoongi laughs again at Jimin's pouty glare. He knows that it probably doesn't make sense to anyone else. He can see that the pictures do look romantic. But he's not suddenly in love with Seokjin just because they slept together. He’s just riding a wave of feel good brain chemicals, his body happy it got what it wanted. Yoongi adds, “But it was good. It was a successful arrangement, I think. Maybe we can do it again next year too.”

“So you do want to sleep with Jin-hyung again?”

“Yeah. Like I said, it was good. And he’s just down the hall, so it’s convenient.”

“Just keep sleeping with him then, even outside of your heat. And have his babies and grow old together.”

Yoongi laughs. “You’re so ridiculous.”

“Me? I'm not the one being stubborn! You’re just wasting time, I keep telling you. Honestly, why do I bother giving you all this good advice? I should've been born first. I would have been such a good hyung to you.”

“Uh huh,” Yoongi says, turning back to his monitor.

“I’m serious.”

“Sure.”

“You’re going to regret ignoring me, hyung.”

“Uh huh.”

Jimin huffs and says, “Fine, I’ll get going then, since you’re so busy. I’m plenty busy myself, you know. You’re lucky I even choose to spend my breaks here.” He groans loudly as he gets off the couch and takes a few steps towards the door. “I'm going now. Don't try to stop me.”

Yoongi tries his best to suppress the smile that wants to take over his face. He keeps staring at the monitor and asks, “You're still here?”

“Rude,” Jimin says before heading to the door. He’s got a hand on the handle when suddenly he stops and turns back around. “Wait, before I go, I did want to bring something up.”

The sudden change in tone, from silly to serious, makes Yoongi turn around. Jimin looks uncomfortable, something unsure in his posture. It makes Yoongi frown in sudden worry.

“What is it?”

“It's about the boss.”

Yoongi’s heart stops. “Namjoon?”

“Yeah. Look, I know something happened and neither of you want to tell me, but… whatever it was, it really affected him. I'm starting to worry.” Jimin sighs. “Was it really bad? The reason why you guys stopped talking, I mean. Did he do something horrible to you?”

Yoongi feels frozen for a moment, his brain and heart split. “No,” he says, even as his heart recalls the pain it endured. Had Namjoon done that, though? Not deliberately. Not maliciously. “It was com—”

“Complicated, yes, I figured you'd say that. I don't really want to get in the middle of it, but… whatever made you two fight, I think he's really sorry about it. All he does is work and go to the gym. He just seems so sad all the time. I figured you should know, just in case there's a chance you guys can patch things up. Or at least a chance that you could convince him to take one weekend off.”

“Thanks,” Yoongi says, a sinking feeling weighing him down. “I’ll talk to him.”

Jimin looks relieved as he gives Yoongi a smile before leaving the room.

Yoongi sighs, his previous happy mood gone. He had needed time to get over Namjoon. He had worked hard to drain himself of all the poison he'd fed himself. It's been months now, basically half a year. Has Namjoon been hurting that whole time?

Worry begins to claw its way through him. He grabs his phone and goes to his messaging app. At the very top of the chats, where Namjoon used to always be, is the group chat with Seokjin and Jungkook where they agreed to order a pizza for dinner. After that, it’s Team Kim Seokjin, which pings at all hours of the day. After that it’s Taehyung then Jimin then Seokjin. Jungkook and Hoseok are there too, plus his brother Sunghyun and a few other friends he’s been making an effort to reconnect with.

He has to scroll down, down, down to reach Namjoon’s name. It’s strange to open it up and see their last exchange, Namjoon asking if he can come over. There’s years and years and years of friendship in this chat. Countless photos and videos and conversations. Their friendship wasn’t one-sided, Yoongi knows that. Namjoon was there to provide support and encouragement every time Yoongi needed him. Namjoon was there, staying awake late into the night while Yoongi ranted about something that had pissed him off. He was there when Yoongi doubted himself and there when Yoongi wanted to share a happy moment with someone.

Yoongi had fallen in love with him because he was wonderful. Gentle, poetic, endlessly curious. His mind had amazed Yoongi. He had loved seeing the world through Namjoon’s eyes.

Namjoon loved Yoongi. Not romantically, no, but it was love. Namjoon had loved him so well, had made Yoongi feel so safe and cared for. His thoughts and feelings had mattered to Namjoon, when so often it had felt like Yoongi mattered to no one. It had been so easy to fool himself into believing that Namjoon could return his romantic feelings. He had taken Namjoon’s friendship and stretched it into something it was never meant to be. The pain had been immense at the end, but it was proportional to the intense joy he’d felt at the beginning, wasn’t it? He and Namjoon had shared their lives and laughter and joy, and none of that has been erased, has it?

It burns his heart to remember. Yoongi isn’t sure if he’s truly ready to talk to Namjoon again. He is still afraid, still feels too vulnerable. But beneath the rubble, beneath the ash, he still wants Namjoon’s happiness more than anything.

If Namjoon needs him, it doesn’t matter if he’s not ready.

[Kim Namjoon]

Yoongi:
Can we talk?

☆☆☆

As soon as Namjoon steps into Yoongi’s studio, Yoongi can see that Jimin was right. Namjoon looks exhausted. He’s wearing his nice, blue dress shirt, black slacks, the impeccable image of a young CEO, but the way he holds himself is full of doubt and defeat. Yoongi doesn’t like it.

Namjoon sits on Yoongi’s couch. His hands are clasped together, his shoulders hunched in as if he’s trying to make himself small. Yoongi stays in his computer chair. The air is awkward as neither of them say anything.

“I really don’t know how to start,” Yoongi admits.

Namjoon looks at him, his eyes studying his face before trailing down to his neck. Yoongi brings a hand up to touch his earrings, for a moment embarrassed, wanting to hide the marks. But no. No, he’s an adult. He went through a heat. He had an alpha help him. There's no reason to feel ashamed.

He puts his arm down and sits up a little straighter. This is about moving forward.

“How have you been?” Yoongi asks. He feels stupid as soon as the words leave his mouth, but he doesn’t know what else to say.

“Hyung… I’m open to whatever you have to say, I promise, but I just — I need to know. Are you... are you going to tell me that we’ll never be friends again? Is that what this talk is about?”

Yoongi’s eyes widen, and he’s quick to shake his head. “No, this is the opposite.”

The relief is instant, Namjoon inhaling a sharp breath before sighing. His body relaxes just a bit as he runs a hand over his face. “Thank you, god, I’m so —” He cuts himself off, his eyes looking glassy already. “Sorry. I’m sorry, I just — I was so scared.”

Yoongi’s heart twists painfully in his chest. “Don’t be scared. I’m sorry, I went about this all wrong. I want to fix things between us. I want to apologize and hopefully find a way forward for our friendship.”

“Apologize? No, hyung, you have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the only one that needs to apologize.”

“You don’t have to—”

“No, I do. I do, because it eats me up to think I hurt you.”

Shame floods Yoongi at the acknowledgement of his pain. He doesn’t want to admit to it, wishes he could deny it, but that’s not what will save them. “Yes, it hurt. It hurt a lot and I blew up and just… left. I am sorry about that, Joon. I have things to apologize for too.”

“It all comes back to me, hyung. I thought the worst thing I was doing was just breaking our parents’ agreement. I was stupid and careless, and I just — I need you to know that I never for one second thought you would be hurt.”

“I know.” Yoongi takes a deep breath, trying to fight through the discomfort. “You didn’t know because I didn’t tell you. I didn’t even mean to tell you that day. It just — it came out.”

“Can ask why? Why didn’t you tell me? Were you ever going to tell me?”

“I was going to tell you, yes. I thought that we’d sit down at some point, talk about how to transition from friends to… more. I figured I’d tell you then that I’d already…” Yoongi sighs, that old ache making itself known. Proof that his heart had once shattered and he’d put it back together, piece by piece. “I didn’t tell you because I knew you probably didn’t feel the same way. I didn’t want to ruin what we had, and I figured we’d get to that eventually.”

“When was it? When did you start to have feelings for me?”

“I don’t know. It was a gradual thing. I guess I first really thought about it a few months after you moved to New York. Since then.”

Namjoon’s eyes widen. It makes Yoongi’s insides squirm with embarrassment. Namjoon says, “That long?”

Yoongi shrugs, crossing his arms. “Yeah.”

“I wish you’d told me.”

“I don’t know. I’m glad you didn’t marry me just out of obligation. It would’ve hurt more if we’d gone through with it and you and Taehyung still fell for each other. Maybe it spared us both a miserable lifetime together.”

Namjoon frowns. “I would’ve never cheated on you. I would’ve never looked twice at Taehyung if I’d known.”

“Maybe not. But look, it doesn't matter now. You and Taehyung are together, and everything worked out. I dealt with my own shit and I'm better.”

Namjoon stares at Yoongi, so much pain still in his eyes. Yoongi watches with horror as the tears there escape and suddenly Namjoon is crying. He turns away, hides his face, but it still feels like a dagger is being shoved right into Yoongi's stomach.

“Joonie,” Yoongi says, leaning forward uselessly. It hurts in the same way it had hurt to see Taehyung cry. The pain that comes from watching someone you love suffer. He gets up and moves to the couch, sitting down next to Namjoon.

“I'm sorry,” Namjoon says, taking in a gasping breath and wiping at his eyes. “I didn't mean to just — start crying like that. I'm a mess.”

“That's okay. Cry all you want. I'll only judge you a little bit.”

Namjoon laughs, a startled, bright sound. He grins even as he wipes a few more tears away. “I missed you so much, hyung. You have no idea.”

“I have some idea, I think. I missed you too.”

“You did?”

“Of course I did. You’re my best friend. That’s never going to change.”

“You're my best friend too.”

“Good.”

Namjoon’s smile is still watery but it looks genuine. “I’m so happy. I’m just — god, I’m just so relieved.”

“I’m sorry it took me this long.”

“No, don’t apologize for that. However long it took, as long as you’re okay, that’s all that matters.” Namjoon’s eyes trail down to Yoongi’s neck again before looking away. He wipes at his eyes again and sniffs. “All I want is for you to be happy, hyung.”

Yoongi smiles, his heart warm and fond. “That’s what I want for you too.”

“You really are okay? I mean… the space was helpful?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m alright now.”

“So… are you and Seokjin-hyung together now?”

“No.”

Namjoon's look of utter shock makes Yoongi chuckle. He had clearly been bracing for the confirmation. Yoongi can feel his good mood from this morning coming back to him, even more intense now as weight lifts from him. He's here with Namjoon and things are good. He's here with his best friend — still, after everything, Namjoon is still his in some way — and the future doesn't look so scary anymore.

“Oh, then who — I mean, are you seeing anyone?”

“No,” Yoongi says with another laugh, shaking his head. “Jin-hyung helped me with my heat, but that was it. We're not together.” Yoongi snorts and rolls his eyes. “He's my mate, so it's confusing, I know, but we're just friends.”

“You're friends,” Namjoon repeats with a slight frown. “When did that happen?”

“He took me with him on his trip and we talked a lot. I was… I mean, I really needed someone to lean on and he was there for me.” It feels like an understatement. He wouldn’t even know how to sum up everything Seokjin has done for him. “I never thought that the two of us could get along, but we do. Surprisingly well, actually.”

“I'm glad you had someone to support you. I just wish… I know it doesn't make sense, but I wish I could have been the one that was there for you.”

“It makes sense to me. I kept wishing I could talk to you about you.” Yoongi huffs out a laugh, a little embarrassed to remember. “Hyung and I went to the old capital of Malta, this old fortified city. It was so cool, and I just kept thinking about how you'd be such a dork about it if you were there.”

Namjoon smiles. “A dork?”

“Yeah, with a little guide book in hand, constantly reading out facts.”

Namjoon laughs, and fuck, Yoongi had missed that sound. He is so happy to hear it again.

“Yeah, I'd probably do that,” Namjoon says. “You know me so well.”

Yoongi smiles. “I do. And now that we're all good, it's time to scold you. You look exhausted. Why are you running yourself into the ground?”

“I'm not—”

“Jimin already told me you're working late nights and weekends. Try again.”

“I forgot how scary you can be like this.”

Yoongi grins, his nose scrunching up as he makes a face at Namjoon. “Well I wouldn't have to do this if you took proper care of yourself. I know I'm not the best example of not working too much” — Namjoon laughs — “but we need to be better about it.”

“If you want me to slow down, then I'll slow down.”

“Good. Let's make a deal then, hmm?” Yoongi extends his hand for a handshake. “We'll both make sure to stay healthy and be our best selves. That's how we'll stay happy going forward.”

Namjoon takes his hand but doesn’t shake it. He just holds it tightly. “Okay. Deal.”

Yoongi squeezes Namjoon's hand and grins, big and happy. He can do this. He can be here for Namjoon and they can have their friendship back. He'll be careful, that's all.

Everything can finally fall into place.

♡♡♡

Seokjin can see Yoongi and Hoseok from the corner of his eye. They’re definitely laughing at him. Seokjin does his best to ignore them as he stands in front of the camera and goes over his Super Tuna choreography one more time.

He’s dressed in a pair of overalls, a little red scarf tied around his neck. Behind him, two people in fish costumes do the same choreography. Seokjin thinks of the kids who are going to watch this and puts his all into it.

As soon as the director yells cut, though, he quickly marches over to Yoongi and Hoseok. He tries his best to sound angry as he says, “What is this unprofessional giggling you two are doing, huh?” He stomps his foot, but it just makes them laugh even more. “If I’d known you two only came to make fun of me, I wouldn’t have invited you. Have some respect for my craft!”

Hoseok laughs so hard that he drops himself onto Yoongi, who wraps his arms around Hoseok's middle to catch him. Seokjin fights back a smile.

“Ah hyung,” Hoseok says as gets back on his feet and takes a deep breath. “You look so cute. Seriously, this is the best day ever.”

“I didn’t know there was going to be choreography,” Yoongi says, grinning.

“I spent all morning learning it. It took me hours.”

“Time well spent,” Yoongi teases before he and Hoseok are laughing all over again.

Seokjin can't stop himself from smiling too, easily letting go of his pretend anger. Two of his favorite people in the world are happy and laughing. His heart melts.

“Ooh, let me take a photo!” Hoseok pulls out his phone and instantly starts snapping away. He makes exaggerated noises as Seokjin gives him a few different poses. “The overalls were such a good choice. The fans are going to freak out, seriously. Yoongi-hyung, move closer. Let’s get a picture of the artist and producer.”

Yoongi obediently steps closer and gives the camera a thumbs up with one hand, his other arm going around Seokjin’s shoulders. Seokjin puts his arm around Yoongi’s waist and bravely resists the urge to pull them even closer.

“Wow wow wow, so cute! I’m sending these to the group chat,” Hoseok announces, mischief sneaking into his smile.

Seokjin doesn’t want to let go of Yoongi. He wants to wrap his arms around him, hold him close, kiss his beautiful smile. It's been a week since they spent Yoongi’s heat together. The love bites on Yoongi's neck have mostly gone. It drives Seokjin a little crazy.

But he has been trying so hard not to smother Yoongi, not to be so overeager. He would follow Yoongi pathetically from room to room if he could, would pull him into his arms every second possible — but the last thing he wants to do is scare him off, so he has tamped all of those urges down. Yoongi smoothly went back to how he was before, acting as if nothing had changed, and so Seokjin must do the same.

Hoseok waves goodbye to them in the parking lot. He and Yoongi had driven here together, but now that it's time to go home, Yoongi gets in the passenger seat of Seokjin's car. Yoongi is in a great mood as they drive home. They sing along to the music coming from the speakers, Yoongi being silly and playful. Seokjin loves seeing him like this.

There’s no point denying that his feelings have progressed into much more than just a crush. He’s in love with him. There’s no other way to describe the overwhelming feeling that lives in him now. He loves Yoongi more and more each day, his heart producing more fountains of love with each smile Yoongi flashes his way.

He just needs to find a way to get Yoongi to love him back. It can’t be too impossible, can it? Yoongi must find him at least a little attractive. Seokjin has shown that he’s a good partner, hasn’t he? What more can he do?

He's still thinking about this as he goes to his mother's apartment the next day. He doesn't like to come by often. It's all the way out in Anyang, but there have been a few issues with the place and he wants to make sure they were properly taken care of.

The apartment is just as his mother had left it. Seokjin had grown up here, paid for by Seokjin's father, a place to quietly dispose of his dirty secrets. It now belongs to Seokjin, and he has no intention of selling it.

Opening the front door is always a little jarring. He always half expects his mother's voice to call out a greeting. He tries to push those thoughts away as he goes through the usual routine of making sure everything is in order. The repairs look good and he just needs to dust the place and it should be fine until his next check in. His mother could never stand it when Seokjin did a bad job at dusting the apartment. She'd scold him for being lazy and dusting around objects instead of picking them up.

Too many memories he doesn't want to think about. Not right now. He has to figure out how to get Yoongi to fall in love with him.

He thinks and thinks and thinks and… he decides he probably needs help. Against his better judgment, he sits on his bed, in the room that still has all of his old posters up, and calls Taehyung for help.

“Jin-hyung?” Taehyung says, sounding very confused.

“Taehyung, hi, yes, it’s me. Uh, listen, are you alone right now?”

“Yes?”

“Are you lying? Is Jungkook there?”

“No, I’m alone. I'm the only one home.”

“Okay, well, I have something to ask. But I need you to not be weird about it.”

“What is it?”

"I'm really trusting you here. If you make me regret this—"

Taehyung laughs. "Just ask away, hyung! I promise to be a good boy."

"Fine. Uh, well… what would you recommend to someone who wants to court Yoongi?”

Taehyung gasps before exclaiming, “Oh my god, so Kookie was right?! You two really are falling in love?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Can you deny it?”

“Of course I can. I’ll deny it if you force me to. Now, please focus. Do you have any tips?”

“This is amazing.” Taehyung laughs. “Let’s see, uh… Yoongi-hyung loves music, obviously. He likes cute baby animals, and, um… food.”

Seokjin closes his eyes and sighs. “You’re useless to me.”

“Well I don’t know! Yoongi-hyung has never been courted before, and he’s never really said what he’d like. He’s always been pretty closed off about that stuff.” Seokjin is seriously starting to regret this call when Taehyung yells, “Oh wait! I got it!”

“What?”

“Hyung loves holding hands. He would never admit this, because he’s, you know, emotionally repressed, but he really likes having his hand held. He always pretends to grumble about it, but he never lets go first and when he’s drunk he’ll even initiate it.”

That does check out. Yoongi had never pulled away the couple of times Seokjin had reached for his hand. Still, he threatens, “You better not be wrong about this, Kim Taehyung.”

“I’m not! I’ll think hard about it and send you a list of hyung’s favorite things.” He giggles again and adds, “I’ll tell Kookie that operation Yoonjin is a go.”

“Do not tell anyone anything, especially Jungkook. But yes, send me the list.”

“I will, but just — you’re serious about this, right? You’re sure? Because Yoongi-hyung has already been through too much because of us. You have to promise me you won’t hurt him. I would never forgive you if you did.”

It’s an easy promise to make. “I won’t hurt him.”

“Good.” Seokjin can practically hear the giant smile in Taehyung’s voice. “I’m really happy for you, hyung.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Don’t tell Jungkook anything. Goodbye now.”

Seokjin can hear Taehyung’s giggles as he ends the call. Well, that was a little bit of a disaster, but at least it’s a step. Hopefully a step in the right direction but that will remain to be seen.

As promised, he gets a giant list of ‘Yoongi’s Most Favorest Things.’ He also gets a text from Jungkook.

[JK]

JK:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jwan:
blocked

Seokjin blocks Jungkook’s number, knowing fully well Jungkook is going to attack him as soon as he gets home.

He needs to focus. A good chunk of things on the list he already knew, but a few of them are surprising. Yoongi’s taste in movies is pretty gritty (who on earth would fall in love while watching Scarface?) but Seokjin can work on learning to make his favorite foods and he can buy him things from his favorite brands.

He can do this. He’ll get Yoongi to fall in love with him. His heart is full of hope as he begins to form a plan.

Chapter Text

***

[Namjoon-hyung]

Jimin:
hyung-nim

Namjoon-hyung:
Chim.

What’s up?

Jimin:
remember how I told you I was going to start working on a routine for a dance showcase?

Namjoon-hyung:
Yeah, I remember. Do you need time off to practice? Take however much time you need.

Jimin:
lol that wasn’t why i brought it up but thats good to know

it’s still months away but i was just thinking. see the thing is usually you invite your friends to the showcase

and i would really like you to come!! obviously both you and taehyung-ssi!

Namjoon-hyung:
Of course! If you want me there I’ll be there. I assume Yoongi-hyung would be there too?

Jimin:
he has no choice, he will be there

but thats the thing

yoongi-hyung is coming and so is seokjin-hyung

i’m hoping that wont be a problem??

Namjoon-hyung:
Oh.

Jimin:
is that a problem?

Namjoon-hyung:
No. If you want me there, then I’ll be there. I’ll ask Taehyung if he wants to come, but I’m pretty sure he would.

Jimin:
awesome!!!!! ^^ i’ll put you down on the list!!!

hyung dont you think maybe you and jin-hyung should sit down and try to talk things out?

all that stuff that happened between you was when you were kids and jin-hyung has grown up a lot. he’s grown even more since he and yoongi-hyung got married. they are really close now and you know yoongi-hyung doesn’t like just anybody

so what im saying is that i think if you gave him a chance he’d surprise you

and then we could all be friends and wouldn’t that be nice??

Namjoon-hyung:
I appreciate where you’re coming from, Chim. It would be nice, but I highly doubt things between me and Seokjin-hyung will ever change. It’s too late for that.

Jimin:
ㅜㅜ

you wouldn’t try even for yoongi-hyung? don’t you think he would love it if his mate and best friend got along?

Namjoon-hyung:
Yoongi-hyung says they’re not actually together.

Jimin:
he’s delusional 🙄

Namjoon-hyung:
What do you mean?

Jimin:
he keeps denying he has feelings for jin-hyung but it’s so obvious they’re falling madly in love

which is why i think it would be really nice if we could all be friends

just something to think about ok? think about how happy it would make yoongi (and me!)

Namjoon-hyung:
I will think about it.

♡♡♡

Seokjin and Yoongi board the plane to Jeju holding hands. Yoongi is in a good mood, relaxed and humming under his breath as he sits next to Seokjin, looking out the plane window. He’s wearing the new shirt Seokjin bought him — the one that Seokjin casually handed over last week saying he’d picked it up because it screamed Yoongi. Yoongi had huffed and groaned and said he really didn’t need any more stuff, but then he’d immediately put it on with a pleased little smile on his face. Seokjin thinks the plan is going rather well.

These days, Seokjin sits close to him and holds his hand as often as he can get away with it — which surprisingly often! Taehyung was right. Yoongi has rolled his eyes a couple of times, but his hand always stays firmly in Seokjin’s and he never lets go. Seokjin lures him out of his studio-dungeon for lunches and dinners, just the two of them, and when they’re at home, he has perfected all of Yoongi’s favorite foods.

He spends as much time as he can with Yoongi — at the apartment, at his studio, on little late night outings sometimes — which isn’t always easy to do. Yoongi is a workaholic, and therefore Seokjin has grown reluctant to sign up for new projects, knowing it will mean days where they barely even catch a glimpse of each other. He can’t afford to lose any of the progress he has made. If that means his career will suffer, so be it.

Sometimes, when they’re on the couch with their legs pressed together, Seokjin feels the air around them turn electric. Seokjin’s pulse will race, and Yoongi will give him little glances that are full of something. Seokjin very much wants to believe that Yoongi can feel it too, the sexual pull they have towards each other. During those moments, he wants nothing more than to pull Yoongi into a kiss, to declare his love and beg for a chance, but no. No, he can’t be reckless, not with something this important. He will be patient.

But fuck, this also means that he often finds himself with his hand around his cock, biting a corner of his pillow with frustration. He’s dying to feel Yoongi in his arms again. He wants to soothe this growing ache in him that just wants Yoongi to be close, closer, closer — as close as two people can possibly be.

Patience. He can be patient.

They arrive in Jeju a day earlier than the rest of the party. Their room has one bed again, but there is no fuss about it now. Yoongi doesn’t even mention it. He goes to set up his music equipment on the desk but happily abandons it when Seokjin suggests wanting to check out the beach.

Seokjin is generous with the sunscreen as he spreads it gently on Yoongi’s face. Yoongi stands still and lets him, his pretty face tilted up, his eyes closed. It’s incredibly tempting to kiss him, but Seokjin is being patient. He’s following the plan.

Show Yoongi that he can be the perfect mate. Make Yoongi fall for him slowly, all thoughts of Namjoon long forgotten. He can’t be hasty here.

They walk on the sand, enjoying the breeze and scent of the waves. They stop at one point and decide to make a sandcastle, which ends up looking like absolute shit but the two of them laugh the entire time as they create it. They proudly send pictures of it to the group chat anyway before heading back to the hotel holding hands.

Back in their suite, they order dinner and eat it while watching a few episodes of a show they’d started back home. It’s a perfect day, which only makes Seokjin wish they could stay in it forever. Tomorrow they’ll be facing the lion’s den, forced to be surrounded by people who will look down on them. With Namjoon. There’s few things worse than that.

It’s late by the time they get ready for bed. Seokjin is almost done with his night routine, patting in the last of his moisturizer, when Yoongi oh so casually comes to lean against the doorway of the bathroom. He’s dressed in his usual baggy t-shirt and those small shorts that drive Seokjin insane. His eyes are on Seokjin as he crosses his arms. He doesn’t say anything, just watches, and Seokjin feels his heart give a happy little tug. He likes having Yoongi’s attention.

“Hyung,” Yoongi says at last.

“Mm?”

“You’re not seeing anyone, are you?”

That makes Seokjin turn to look at him, alarmed by such a ridiculous question. “No. Of course not. Why?”

Yoongi bites at his bottom lip and nods. “Just checking.”

“Why?”

“Well… being together for my heat went alright. Things didn’t get weird. So maybe we could sleep together outside of my heat too.” He shrugs a shoulder. “If you wanted to, that is.”

Seokjin has to quickly push down his feelings to stop himself from exploding into a giant pile of glitter right then and there. He can’t stop himself from grinning. “Ah, sweet Yoongi.” He walks forward, placing his hands on Yoongi’s waist. “One taste wasn’t enough was it?”

“Never mind. Forget it.”

“No no.” Seokjin walks a very pliant Yoongi backwards until they hit the bed. He pushes Yoongi onto it. “I’ll give you exactly what you want.”

“I didn’t think you’d be this annoying about it,” Yoongi says as he watches Seokjin unbutton his pajama shirt.

“Yes you did. You know me well enough by now.”

Yoongi cracks a smile and quickly takes off his own t-shirt. It’s been weeks since Yoongi’s heat, but it feels like years. Seokjin’s heart is hammering away in his chest as he leans down to kiss Yoongi. He feels so incredibly happy when he gets to feel Yoongi’s lips against his own again.

It’s just as magical as he remembers, his insides lighting up. He makes sure to savor it, to take his time, to make sure Yoongi has no reason to regret this step.

The plan is absolutely working.

☆☆☆

They’re scheduled to have dinner with Namjoon’s parents later that evening, but somehow, Yoongi doesn’t even care. He and Seokjin are walking across the hotel lobby on their way to get lunch, and the ordeal they’ll have to face later does nothing to dampen his good mood. Yoongi swings his and Seokjin’s hands, finding it amusing just how clingy Seokjin can be.

Seokjin is just a clingy, skinship type of person. Yoongi has seen him draped all over Jungkook and Hoseok, has seen the way he’ll wrap an arm around Jimin. Apparently he and Yoongi have crossed some sort of invisible threshold in their friendship, and so now Seokjin is just as tactile with Yoongi as he is with everyone else.

It’s maybe kind of nice.

The restaurant they’re heading to is part of the resort, so it’s close by. The weather is perfect and he has a song brewing in his head and he had amazing sex last night. He’s in a really, really good mood. Seokjin had looked so handsome last night, and Jimin’s bad advice kept echoing in Yoongi’s head. How the hell was he supposed to share a bed with Seokjin and keep his hands to himself? It had been an impulsive, horny decision, but one he really doesn’t regret.

There’s the sound of someone running behind them and then a hand grabs Yoongi’s shoulder.

“Hyung!” Taehyung says with a grin. He not so subtly looks down at Yoongi and Seokjin’s clasped hands. His grin becomes even wider. “Going to lunch? Mind if I join you?”

“Sure,” Yoongi says, wondering if it’s even worth the effort to tell Taehyung there’s nothing between him and Seokjin. But there’s a fresh hickey on Yoongi’s neck that he’s pretty sure Taehyung is going to notice, so he figures it’s a lost cause.

He doesn’t even bother letting go of Seokjin's hand as they make their way towards the restaurant. Other than suspiciously glancing between him and Seokjin a few times and giggling, Taehyung doesn’t mention it. He mostly talks endlessly about Jungkook and then asks questions about Seokjing’s new drama, The Astronaut, which will be released in a couple of months.

He doesn’t mention Namjoon at all, and Yoongi can’t help but wonder if things between them have improved. The last time he asked Taehyung about it, he said they were still in counseling and trying to spend more time together. Namjoon hasn’t brought it up to Yoongi at all, but that’s to be expected. As they try to rebuild their friendship back up, they’ve both stuck to the unspoken rule of not bringing up their mates. Namjoon drops by Yoongi’s studio, they eat lunch with Jimin, they text throughout the day, but they’re still a little hesitant with each other. Both of them seem overly aware of what was almost lost and too scared to rock the boat too much.

Taehyung follows them back to their room and hangs out there until it’s time to get ready for dinner.

“Time to face Medusa,” Taehyung grumbles, making Seokjin laugh so hard that he doubles over. “You like that one?” Taehyung asks, his gloomy look replaced with a proud grin.

“I love it,” Seokjin says, still giggling. “Ah, Taehyungie, I always forget how funny you are.”

“One of my many talents,” Taehyung brags, pretending to flip long hair over his shoulder. “Alright, see you at dinner.”

Yoongi snorts and waves goodbye to his cousin.

Dinner tonight is just for the family. Seokjin and Yoongi reassure each other that they'll get through it and leave as quickly as possible, take deep breaths, and then head over to the restaurant.

A funny feeling of deja vu sweeps over Yoongi as they enter the restaurant and get escorted to the same table as last year. Namjoon and Taehyung are already there, as are Namjoon's parents. Yoongi remembers with a sudden sharpness how miserable he had felt last year.

His entire life had fallen apart. His heart had shattered. He'd sat here full of sadness, anger, and hate.

And now?

He takes pleasure in the way Namjoon's mother obviously spots the love bite on his neck and becomes enraged by it. He doesn't expect her to say anything, since she keeps up the silent treatment for half of dinner. But then, as the topic of children comes up, with his father-in-law lamenting that he has no grandchild yet, she suddenly gestures towards Yoongi and says, “Well I expect this one is probably pregnant already, since he likes getting bred so much.”

Silence falls across the table for a shocked moment, before Namjoon says angrily, “Mother—”

“No, it's fine,” Yoongi says, holding up a hand to stop Namjoon. “Perhaps I am. Wouldn't that be wonderful, father-in-law? I'll let you know as soon as possible if I am.”

“Yes of course,” Youngchul says. “It'd be great to have a little Jinnie running around. He was the happiest baby I've ever seen. Incredibly chubby too.”

“Cute,” Yoongi says, turning to share a smile with Seokjin who looks absolutely delighted.

“Eunju, perhaps you've had enough to drink for tonight, hmm?” Youngchul says to his wife, before hastily moving the conversation along to blander topics.

She doesn't say anything else the rest of the night.

When dinner is finally over, Yoongi makes sure to hold his head up high and is extra polite when wishing everyone a goodnight. He reaches for Seokjin's hand as they all walk out of the restaurant. He can't wait to get back to their suite and work on some projects for a while before bed.

“Yoongi-hyung, do you have a moment?”

Yoongi turns, pausing. Namjoon is standing to the side of the hallway.

“Sure,” Yoongi says and instantly feels Seokjin squeeze his hand. When Yoongi looks at him, there's a concerned frown on his face. An uncomfortable feeling flashes through him.

He hasn't yet brought up that he and Namjoon are rebuilding their friendship. It's not like he's been trying to go out of his way to hide it, exactly, but well, he hadn't wanted to bring it up either.

“It's okay,” Yoongi tells Seokjin. “I'll see you back in the room.”

He walks towards Namjoon, glancing back to see that Seokjin is still watching him. He gives him a reassuring smile and a wave. Something in his stomach twists at the idea of having to explain himself later. He doesn't want Seokjin to worry or worse, to judge him.

He follows Namjoon to a bar tucked into a corner of the huge building. The place is all dark woods, cozy seats arranged in small groups throughout. Only two women in evening dresses are sitting at the bar. The rest of the place is empty.

“The usual?” Namjoon asks, and Yoongi only nods and takes a seat in one of the chairs in the corner.

“Thanks,” Yoongi says when Namjoon returns and hands him a glass of whiskey. He waits for Namjoon to sit in the chair next to his to ask, “So? Is everything okay?”

“No, I wanted to apologize for how my mother acted tonight.” He sighs. “Tonight and all of the other times you've had to deal with her, really. Any time Seokjin joins us for dinner she gets like this, but well… she's been particularly vicious recently.”

“Don't worry about it. I haven't been her favorite person for a while now. I don't waste my time thinking about it anymore.”

“It doesn't have much to do with you, really. She loved you. Even after Taehyung and I announced our engagement, she was still trying to get me to call it off and marry you instead.”

Yoongi's eyes widen, his glass freezing halfway to his mouth. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Namjoon looks down at his own glass, something like remorse on his face. “We practically fought every day about it. I think… when those pictures of you and Seokjin-hyung came out, she took it very personally. Had it been anyone else, she could've seen past it, but…”

“Right. Yeah, I know how she feels about him.”

“Hyung… what are you doing with him?”

“You mean?” Yoongi motions towards his neck, where he knows the hickey from last night is visible.

Namjoon has on a concerned frown as he nods.

“It's just sex.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I'm sure.”

“And he knows that too?”

“Yes.”

“Jimin thinks you two have feelings for each other.”

“Jimin is a hopeless romantic, don't listen to him. We've told him a hundred times there's nothing there and he refuses to believe us.”

“I just… I don't understand. Why him? How did you end up with him?”

Fear prickles along Yoongi's spine. He quickly looks away, unable to stand seeing the hurt in Namjoon's eyes. “It just happened,” he lies before taking a gulp of the whiskey, letting it burn down his throat.

“But how?”

“It just did. Look, I really don't want to—”

“Why can't you tell me? You didn't want to talk about it when it happened and I could see you were upset and I was scared to push. But now?”

“Joon,” Yoongi says, a warning in his tone. “It's in the past now. What does it matter?”

“It matters to me. I just don't understand how you ended up with my brother. I thought… I thought you were on my side.”

Yoongi was. He had been completely, unquestionably on Namjoon’s side. And they had also been wrong about Seokjin. Yoongi takes a sip of whiskey and tries to think for a moment.

At last he says, “I know that Jin-hyung didn’t always treat you kindly. I don’t mean to minimize that or pretend like it didn’t happen. I know that we thought he was narcissistic and vapid and shallow and cruel—”

“And he is.”

“No. He’s really not. Hyung is kind and generous. He’s constantly thinking about the people he cares about. He—”

“That’s worse,” Namjoon says with a bitter laugh. “Don’t you see how that’s worse? If he’s kind and nice to everyone except me then it’s personal. Then he just hates me for no fucking reason. That’s so much worse than him just being an asshole.”

Yoongi opens his mouth, ready to defend Seokjin, but nothing comes up. Namjoon’s words sink in, and there’s nothing Yoongi can say. He can see on Namjoon’s face that his brother’s rejection still hurts, that little kid that had looked up to his hyung is still in there somewhere.

“I don’t know,” Yoongi admits. “The two of you need to talk and figure it out.”

“That’s what Jimin thinks too. He wants all of us to be friends.”

A corner of Yoongi’s mouth pulls into a smile. “Of course he does. You should listen to him.”

Namjoon shakes his head. “I wanted to be his brother. I’m not the one who pushed him away.”

Yoongi sighs. “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to feel like I chose his side, because I didn’t. That’s not how it happened. When hyung and I got married, I couldn’t stand him. But living with him, I couldn’t help but slowly see his good sides too.”

Namjoon tilts his head, looking confused. “That’s the part I don’t get, hyung. If you couldn’t stand him, why did you kiss him? If that was the start of everything, how did it even happen?”

Yoongi freezes, immediately filled with dread. Fuck. Why did he say that? “Because…”

Yoongi has nothing. His pulse picks up, and he wishes for a moment that he could just blurt out the truth. He hadn’t kissed Seokjin. It wasn’t him. But then what? He admits it was Taehyung and undoes whatever progress the two of them have made in counseling? He destroys their lives?

Namjoon is looking at him so intensely, as if Yoongi’s answer will mean everything to him. Yoongi still doesn’t know what to say.

“Because why?” Namjoon asks.

“It was just a kiss,” Yoongi says, remembering Taehyung’s tear stained face. Echoing his words. “It just kind of happened, I don’t know. It was… a lapse in judgment. I was hurt, and…” Yoongi looks away from Namjoon, feeling something like shame cut through him. He had been so sure that keeping Namjoon from the truth would save him from pain, but the hurt plainly written on his face right now shows him just how wrong he'd been. “It didn’t mean anything,” Yoongi says. “It was just bad luck that we got caught.”

“So you did it because of me? Because I hurt you, and so you—”

“No, don’t think of it like that.” Yoongi doesn't particularly like the way the heat of the whiskey mixes with the hot guilt in his stomach. Namjoon still looks upset, so Yoongi adds, “It wasn’t your fault, alright?”

“But it was. If I hadn’t broken our engagement, you wouldn’t be married to him right now.”

The words cause a stab of hurt somewhere deep in Yoongi. He frowns and shakes his head. “It wasn't like that. This is why I didn't want to get into it, because it's just — it doesn't make sense. I know that.”

“What did he say to you? To get you to kiss him, what did he say?”

“I don't want to talk about this,” Yoongi says, putting his glass down. He is half-way to his feet when Namjoon's hand is suddenly on his arm.

“Hyung, don't leave. Please. I'll drop it if you really want. I'm sorry, it's just — it's been driving me crazy.”

Yoongi feels torn but he sits back down. He sighs. “Okay, let's drop it.”

“Okay.” Namjoon trails his hand down Yoongi's arm until he can hold Yoongi's hand. He holds on tight to it and says, “Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I guess this is why we avoid this topic.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Something uncomfortable bites at Yoongi's insides. He reaches for his glass again, dislodging Namjoon's hand. “Let's talk about something else.”

“I did have something I wanted to bring up,” Namjoon says. “Just an idea for now, but I wanted your thoughts on it.”

“What is it?”

“We have this one trainee that's got so much potential, and I've been thinking. What would an all omega boy group look like? What would they sound like?”

The words take a second to process, but when they do, a rush of excitement fills him, brushing aside the previous discomfort. Yoongi sits up a little straighter. “Seriously?”

“It seems ridiculous that one hasn't been formed before. You're the most talented person I know, and you should've had a chance to follow that dream.”

The praise makes Yoongi smile, a bit of warmth flooding to his face. “I don't know if I would've been any good.”

“Are you kidding? Hyung, you would've absolutely killed it if someone had given you the chance. No one can rap the way you do. You're incredible. And Jimin too, he's shown me his old dance performances. Why can't male omegas openly be idols too?”

“I went to a dance class with Jimin once,” Yoongi says with a laugh.

“Really?”

“Yeah, the teacher told me I was the best one there, so I could probably do the choreography for your hypothetical group.”

Namjoon laughs and Yoongi quickly follows, and time slips by easily as they excitedly throw out ideas for what this new type of group could look like. It's familiar to sink into this type of conversation with Namjoon as they order a few more drinks. Music is at the core of both of them, and it's easy to understand each other as they cobble together different influences to make up a new sound.

Yoongi's hands are already itching to get started. He grabs his phone, intending to look up a song that's on the tip of his tongue, but gets distracted as he sees the time. It's late. He has a couple of texts from Seokjin sent thirty minutes ago.

[Kim Seokjin]

Kim Seokjin:
Are you alright?

Where are you?

“Oh,” Yoongi says, texting back a quick, Heading up soon. “We should pick this back up another time. It's getting late.”

“Alright,” Namjoon says with a touch of reluctance.

They walk together to the elevator that will take them to their rooms, still trading ideas about the hypothetical group. The few drinks they had make themselves known. Yoongi feels fuzzy from the excitement and the alcohol.

When the elevator stops on Yoongi's floor, he wishes Namjoon a goodnight and hurries to his and Seokjin's suite. He tries to be quiet as he enters, just in case Seokjin is asleep already. His body feels clumsy as he does his best to tiptoe into the bedroom.

Seokjin is in bed but awake. He puts his phone down and sits up as Yoongi enters.

“Oh, you're awake,” Yoongi says, giving Seokjin a smile as he walks normally now towards the bathroom to get ready for bed. “Sorry I didn't see your texts earlier. Time kinda got away from us.”

“It's fine,” he hears Seokjin say, and he instantly feels himself relax a bit.

He hurries through his night routine, the full weight of the day finally catching up with him. His head is full of ideas, but they'll have to wait until tomorrow. He's too tired right now to get them out.

“Should I turn the lights off?” Yoongi asks as he steps back into the bedroom, ready for bed, and gets a noise of agreement from Seokjin.

The room dark, Yoongi slips into his side of the bed and sighs from just how good it feels to finally be lying down. And Seokjin is here. Yoongi likes that, likes knowing he's right here next to him.

“Yoongi?” Seokjin says softly.

“Mm?”

“What did Namjoon want?”

“Oh, nothing really. We had some drinks. He apologized about his mother and then we talked about work stuff.”

“So it was a business thing?”

Discomfort crawls through Yoongi's chest. He can't put it off any longer. “Not exactly. We talked things out a few weeks ago, and we're trying to be friends again.”

Seokjin's answering silence makes Yoongi's insides squirm. He can't take it.

“Just say it,” Yoongi says.

“I'm surprised.”

“Do you think it's stupid?”

“Are you… I mean, do you still…?”

Yoongi suddenly remembers Seokjin coming in and finding Yoongi in the worst moment of his life. Pathetic and small and sobbing out his broken heart. Seokjin had looked so worried. “No,” Yoongi answers. “I'm alright now.”

“Then I don't think it's stupid. But the heart is a funny thing, so… just tell me if you need to talk about it okay?”

“I will,” Yoongi promises, as he relaxes back into the mattress, feeling warm. Seokjin cares enough to worry about him. Seokjin is always in his corner. Why had he been so worried about telling him? It seems silly now.

Yoongi inches a little closer to Seokjin. After a moment, he inches closer again, but Seokjin doesn’t react at all. Yoongi frowns into the darkness, mentally willing Seokjin to get the hint. He’s not going to ask — just the thought of it feels humiliating — but he really wants to feel Seokjin's arms around him right now.

“Good night,” Seokjin says.

“Good night.”

There’s only a few inches between them now. Seokjin had held him last night, and Yoongi had woken up with Seokjin's arm wrapped around him. Maybe that's something Seokjin only does after sex. Yoongi isn't sure. If Yoongi gets any closer then it will be too obvious. Receive my message, Kim Seokjin, Yoongi thinks, a pout starting to form on his lips.

Seokjin shifts, turning so that he's facing Yoongi, and wraps an arm around him. Message received. Yoongi smiles and burrows closer, letting their legs become entangled. Seokjin always smells so nice.

Warm and comfortable in their bed, he finds that sleep comes very easily.

☆☆☆

It's been an extremely long day. The beach. A yacht. Fancy restaurants. The beach again. An endless circle of the same snobby people giving them looks, gossiping about them behind their hands. Yoongi ignores them.

He and Seokjin stick together. They take pictures of each other and send them to the group chat. They get back chaotic pictures of Jungkook squished between Jimin and Hoseok, the three of them hanging out. Yoongi and Seokjin talk and laugh and at one point sneak away to go swimming. It's all infinitely more bearable this year compared to last year. He doesn't think he'll even mind coming next year as long as Seokjin is with him.

They've made it to the last activity of the night: drinks in the rooftop bar after dinner. The two of them have tucked themselves into a table in the corner. Yoongi’s feeling a bit sleepy by now, and he leans against Seokjin, tempted to close his eyes and take a little nap.

He can see Namjoon across the room, chatting with someone who is probably a Very Important Business Person. He's been stuck schmoozing all day. How tiring, Yoongi thinks.

“When does this stupid thing end,” Taehyung says as he walks over and pulls a chair towards their table to sit with them.

“Where have you been?” Yoongi asks.

“I had a headache.”

Yoongi frowns, concerned. “Is it gone now?”

“Yeah, mostly. Did I miss anything fun?”

“Not really. I'm about to fall asleep.”

“It’s not even eight yet,” Taehyung laughs.

“So what?” Yoongi turns to Seokjin and asks, “Think they’ll notice if we slip out?”

“Probably not, although my father wants me to chat with this one guy he invited. Apparently his daughter is a fan.” He heaves a dramatic sigh and says, “It's the privilege and burden of a handsome actor. Ah, maybe I took a wrong turn in life. Maybe I should’ve become a chef. But then again, I couldn’t cook with garlic so perhaps people wouldn’t like that.”

Taehyung says, “I like your cooking even without garlic, hyung. I would go to your restaurant.”

“Thank you, Taehyungie. You're a man of great taste. You can be my new favorite person.”

Taehyung laughs. “Oh really? Wow, do you really like me that much?”

“I’m in love with you, actually,” Seokjin responds automatically. Yoongi’s stomach drops unpleasantly. There’s an awkward moment as Seokjin seems to catch what he just said out loud. “I’m joking,” he hurries to say.

Yoongi can’t quite make himself look up from the floor.

“Obviously,” Taehyung says and laughs again, but this time it sounds forced and awkward. “I can't believe you're still using that line, hyung. Get some new jokes.”

“It never gets old,” Seokjin says, but his tone is off, his usual bravado not in it.

Yoongi doesn’t think it’s very funny. He doesn’t like to think about Seokjin and Taehyung together. It happened and clearly they still had some lingering attraction to each other, but Seokjin had said there was nothing between them anymore. A lie then? Yoongi had never fully believed it anyway.

There was passion in those pictures. Seokjin’s arms holding Taehyung tight. They couldn't resist each other, could they? Do they still wish they could see each other? Does Seokjin still think of Taehyung late at night while he's sleeping next to Yoongi? Do their eyes meet when Yoongi doesn’t notice?

“I'm gonna go back to the room,” Yoongi says abruptly, standing up. He really doesn’t want to be here right now.

“I’ll come with you,” Seokjin says, standing up too, but Yoongi quickly shakes his head.

“No.” It comes out too sharp. Yoongi forces his voice to soften as he adds, “You should find that guy your father wants you to talk to first.”

Seokjin gets the message that Yoongi doesn’t want to be followed and sits back down. Taehyung is looking at Yoongi with an alarmed expression, but Yoongi doesn’t have the patience to explain his annoyance right now. He's not sure he understands it himself.

He flees the room as quickly as he can.

♡♡♡

Seokjin stands in front of their hotel door, a dark cloud of misery raining over him. Why is he such an idiot? Why does his stupid mouth always have to say the wrong thing? And what if he goes in there and only makes it worse? What if Yoongi doesn’t believe him?

Yoongi had been so worried that Seokjin was still chasing after Taehyung, and here Seokjin goes again, making it sound like he's going to do just that. And if Yoongi is back to babysitting Namjoon's feelings, of course he's going to be afraid that Seokjin will mess it all up again. Fuck, it feels as though everything is crumbling, and Seokjin has no idea if he'll be able to stop it.

He takes a deep breath, feeling sick, and opens the door. A part of him had feared that Yoongi wouldn't be here, but he instantly sees him sitting at the desk, headphones on.

Seokjin sighs, trying to get his heart rate under control. Yoongi must sense him coming in because he turns over his shoulder to look at him then goes back to his computer. It stings.

Seokjin goes to sit on the couch, unsure what to do. They used to fight all the time, but this is something else. Is this even a fight? He hasn't been at the receiving end of Yoongi's cold looks in a long time, and now he feels frozen through.

They sit there in silence for what feels like ages, the sound of Yoongi's mouse and keyboard the only thing breaking it up. Seokjin feels as though each second only makes things worse, as if he's letting an infection fester. He can't go back to this. The plan was going well. He woke up with Yoongi safely in his arms — this can't be what undoes it all.

“Yoongi,” he says, raising his voice in the hope that Yoongi will hear him.

Yoongi stills for a moment and then lowers his headphones. He turns to Seokjin.

“Can we talk, please?”

“About what?” His voice is flat, his face a blank mask.

Seokjin can't stand it. “I’m sorry I made that joke. It was dumb.”

“You’re free to make jokes. Why would I care?”

Seokjin frowns. “Well you don’t seem very happy right now, so I figured it matters to you at least a little. Can you please come here so we can talk about it?”

Yoongi reluctantly makes his way over. He sits on the farthest end of the couch. It's not a large distance and yet it feels insurmountable. He stares blankly at Seokjin, keeping him out.

“You're mad at me,” Seokjin states, unsure where else to start.

“I’m not mad.”

“Okay, then what is it?”

Yoongi is silent for a moment. His sharp gaze is on Seokjin, studying him, and Seokjin does his best not to shrink under it. At last, Yoongi says, “If you have feelings for Taehyung, I'd rather you be honest with me about it.”

“I don’t have feelings for him.”

“Really?” Yoongi asks, voice flat. “Because you were willing to risk everything just to kiss him. You don't have to lie, I won't tell anyone.”

“I’m not lying. We were never even really dating. And that day, at the party, it wasn't—” Seokjin cuts himself off, trying to think fast.

He needs to make a smart decision, but he can’t. Not when his brain is screaming at him to fix this. He can’t let Yoongi pull away from him, but the truth might make Yoongi hate him again. But what other choice does he have? Fuck it.

“Look,” Seokjin says with a sigh, “the thing with Taehyung… it wasn’t because I had feelings for him or anything like that, okay? It was something else.”

He feels his heart sink from the way Yoongi is looking at him right now, as if all of Seokjin’s words are worthless.

“What was it then?” Yoongi asks.

Fuck. Yoongi’s going to hate him. Seokjin’s heart races in his chest as he admits, “It was about Namjoon.”

That breaks Yoongi’s blank mask, his eyebrows furrowing. “You did it to hurt him?”

“Not exactly. I mean — he wasn’t supposed to find out. It was supposed to be my own petty, secret victory over him.”

“So it could've been anyone? You didn't want Taehyung, you just wanted Namjoon's fiancé?” There's disgust creeping into Yoongi's eyes and tone, and Seokjin's heart hurts from how hard it's hammering in his chest.

“I didn't think it through. It wasn't like I planned it or anything, I didn't — I didn't think at all, really. It was a selfish, ugly thing I did just because — because I’m an idiot.”

“...I don’t get it.”

Seokjin sighs and scrubs a hand over his face, frustration and fear building in him. He feels like his insides have been replaced with tar. “Look, I know how this is going to make me sound, okay? I'm — I'm not proud of it. You know that my relationship with Namjoon has never been good. Growing up, I was… I was always jealous of him. He got everything, and I was just the bastard son that got to see his dad once a month, if even that. I was a joke. A shameful secret. So even now, as adults, I look at Namjoon and I feel… I feel the same spiteful jealousy that I did when we were kids.”

Yoongi is frowning, his eyes intense as they watch Seokjin. It's a horrifying feeling to cut himself open like this, exposing his worst to the person he wants to impress most. If Yoongi hates him after this…

Seokjin swallows thickly and continues, “At the party, with Taehyung… I don’t know. I didn’t think anyone would find out, and I certainly never thought you of all people would be dragged into it. I just thought… I thought it would be fun to kiss him before he married Namjoon. To have a secret.” Seokjin hangs his head. “I know that's the worst excuse I could give for what happened. I know that my selfishness caused you a lot of pain, and I’m so sorry about that, Yoongi. If I could take it back — I would do everything differently.”

Yoongi takes a long moment to absorb the information, and Seokjin seriously considers getting on his knees and groveling for forgiveness. Things were going so well. Why did Seokjin have to fuck this up, why did his big stupid mouth have to bring all of this up when—

“You know, Namjoon doesn’t deserve that from you. He knows you don’t like him, and it’s been a sore spot for him all this time. It’s not his fault any more than it’s yours.”

Of course Yoongi would jump to Namjoon’s defense. Seokjin stops himself from grinding his teeth, his heart giving an ugly, jealous snarl. He says, “I’m sorry.” He doesn’t know what else to say.

Yoongi isn’t looking at him anymore, his eyes instead on the empty space between them. Seokjin feels like he’s going crazy not knowing what Yoongi’s thinking.

“Are you angry?” Seokjin asks, not sure if he’s ready to hear the answer. Not brave enough to ask, Do you hate me again?

Yoongi shakes his head. “No. I mean, it’s a really stupid reason for all of this to have happened, but… I guess I’m glad you’re not secretly in love with Taehyung. That would have made everything even more complicated and fucked up than it already is. And I can maybe sort of understand.” Yoongi’s face grows slightly pink as he mumbles, “It was hard growing up being compared to Taehyung. He has always been beautiful and easy to like, and I… wasn’t. And then Namjoon chose him over me.” Yoongi gives a humorless laugh that makes Seokjin’s heart twist.

He wants to tell Yoongi that he’s the most beautiful person in the world, the funniest, the most wonderful. He wants to tell him how much Seokjin wishes he had been able to be there first, before he ever experienced any heartache. But he can’t, and so he says instead, “Namjoon’s an idiot.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes, but a smile tugs at his lips. “Seriously, you need to work on that. You should get to know who he really is. That would help you — the both of you, really. But…” Yoongi reaches out, his hand landing on Seokjin's thigh and squeezing. “I do understand where you're coming from. Thank you for telling me.”

Seokjin feels all of the air leave his lungs as a wave of relief washes over him. He puts a hand on top of Yoongi’s, needing to touch him. Fuck, he'd been so scared.

“Are we okay now?” Seokjin asks, not caring how pathetic it sounds. He needs to be sure.

“Yeah, we're okay. I'm sorry too, I got… I got scared, I guess, that things were going to blow up again.”

“No. No, definitely not.”

Yoongi smiles, and Seokjin's heart can barely take it. He can't lose this. He can't fuck this up. Yoongi says, “Good. Then the past is the past, and however it happened, you’re my mate. We’re stuck together for a long time, so let’s just be okay.”

Seokjin can't stop himself. He leans over and pulls Yoongi into a hug. He feels nearly dizzy, his pulse still speeding in his veins. He's a little surprised when Yoongi's arms wrap around him too and hold him there.

I love you, he wants to say. It's right there in his mouth, the need to say out loud what his heart is feeling. But his mouth has caused enough trouble and so he doesn't say anything. He just turns his head and gives Yoongi a kiss on the cheek.

Yoongi turns too, seeking his mouth, and Seokjin eagerly kisses him, trying to pour everything he has into it. He didn't lose this. He's so relieved he didn't lose this.

There's still hope.

The chaste kiss naturally deepens, their mouths moving together, sending sparks through Seokjin's body. Yoongi is here, in his arms. He pulls him closer.

Yoongi eagerly responds, his tongue meeting Seokjin's. Seokjin can feel Yoongi's little shiver, and it stirs him on, wanting more reactions from him.

Yoongi breaks the kiss just to ask, “Are we gonna fuck right now? It’s kind of a weird moment, but I wouldn’t be opposed to it.”

Seokjin laughs, and Yoongi's beautiful grin is right there, so close. Seokjin presses a kiss to Yoongi’s cheek and says, “Yeah. I'll fuck you. Come on.”

He stands up and picks Yoongi up bridal style, making Yoongi laugh as he hurries to wrap his arms around Seokjin’s neck. “Don't drop me!”

“I'm not gonna drop you,” he says before quickly bending his knees, pretending to fall. It makes Yoongi shriek and Seokjin just laughs as he hurries to take Yoongi to the bedroom. “You’re kinda heavy. Should I lift more weights?”

“Yes.”

“Rude,” Seokjin says as he deposits a chuckling Yoongi onto the bed. He takes off his own shirt and pants before getting on the bed as well.

Yoongi quickly reaches for him, eager, and soon the two of them are back to exchanging deep kisses. Yoongi’s mouth is warm and sweet and so fucking perfect that it makes Seokjin feel insane with want.

Seokjin's hand wanders under Yoongi's t-shirt to feel his warm, smooth skin. He wants to know Yoongi’s body as well as he knows his own. He wants to know all of his sensitive spots, all of the places that will make him weak and have him whining against Seokjin’s mouth. A lifetime of this wouldn’t be enough.

Yoongi is the one that gets impatient. He presses closer and closer until he’s mostly on top of Seokjin, their kisses turning desperate. Seokjin slides his hand inside Yoongi’s shorts, under the waistband of his boxers, and squeezes his ass. Yoongi moans, the sound traveling through Seokjin, sending with it a wave of arousal.

“Hyung,” Yoongi says against Seokjin's mouth, pliant as Seokjin rubs two fingers over his wet hole. A whimper escapes him as Seokjin keeps going, only teasing. Fuck, Yoongi’s so wet just from this, his erection pressing against Seokjin’s.

Seokjin places kisses on Yoongi’s face, loving the way his jaw has gone slack. Seeing him like this makes Seokjin’s stomach clench as heat spreads from his center. He knows Yoongi is gorgeous — of course he knows, he remembers the first moment he caught a glimpse of Yoongi across the room, remembers how his heart stopped, remembers how Yoongi’s gaze had turned cold as soon as he was introduced as Namjoon’s brother and even then Seokjin had thought him beautiful — but seeing him like this. It’s another level entirely.

Seokjin presses in slightly, just enough to get another desperate noise out of Yoongi, before going back to stroking him with his drenched fingers.

That seems to break Yoongi out of his daze as he suddenly huffs and says, “Are you gonna fuck me or not?”

“Are you in a hurry?” Seokjin asks, unable to stop himself from grinning at the pouty frown on Yoongi’s face. Fuck, he’s so cute. How can one person be so hot and so cute at the same time?

“You’re driving me crazy,” Yoongi says, no real heat behind it as Seokjin finally presses a finger in.

Seokjin steals another kiss from Yoongi as he slips in another finger and fucks him as best as he can. The angle isn't right and Yoongi's clothes are still on, but he loves the way Yoongi’s eyes slip close, pleasure flashing across his face.

“Is this better?” Seokjin asks, adding in a third finger. Yoongi clenches around him as a deep moan escapes him. “You’re so wet for me, aren’t you?”

“Hyung,” Yoongi whines in answer before hiding his face in Seokjin’s neck. He places a few kisses there before he very deliberately bites down, making Seokjin’s entire body jolt. He can feel Yoongi’s smile press against his skin before he continues sucking bruises there, marking Seokjin up.

Yoongi trails a hand down Seokjin’s stomach, shifting onto his knees. He touches Seokjin’s cock through the thin material of his boxers. Says, “I wanna ride you.”

Yoongi’s impatience seems to have caught up with him again because he pulls back and takes Seokjin’s boxers off before quickly shedding off his own clothes, throwing them to the floor. Seokjin’s heart lights up seeing him, the obvious eagerness and want there. He arranges himself so that he’s sitting with his back leaning against the headrest and reaches for Yoongi.

Yoongi looks so stunning, his cock hard, his hair a bit disheveled, his lips red from Seokjin’s kisses. He straddles Seokjin, keeping one hand on his shoulder for balance as he grabs Seokjin’s cock and lines himself up. Seokjin grabs him by the hips, just holding, as Yoongi slowly lowers himself down.

Yoongi bites down on his lower lip, his eyes falling closed as he shifts his hips a bit. His tight heat envelops Seokjin perfectly. The both of them moan as Yoongi starts to work himself on Seokjin’s cock, lifting himself up and dropping down again and again and again until he’s panting.

He looks so pretty like this, bouncing on Seokjin’s cock. His pretty omega. Pleasure flashes through Seokjin, the heat of it burning him up.

Yoongi suddenly stops. He stays seated on Seokjin’s lap, Seokjin’s cock still inside of him. “My legs are getting tired,” he says, and something about the way he says it — the near petulance of it — makes Seokjin laugh.

“Okay,” Seokjin says, wrapping his arms around Yoongi and pulling him close for a kiss. “How do you want it then?”

“On my back,” Yoongi says, lifting off and laying on the spot next to Seokjin.

Seokjin is still smiling as he obliges, moving so that he’s between Yoongi’s legs. He braces one arm above Yoongi’s head and uses the other to guide himself back inside Yoongi, back into his addictive, tight heat. Yoongi’s legs come up to wrap around Seokjin’s hips, letting him sink in deep. His arms wrap around Seokjin’s neck as Seokjin starts fucking him, little moans falling from his lips.

Seokjin places a kiss on Yoongi’s neck, and he feels something primal light up inside him as Yoongi instantly tilts his head to give him more room. He’s full of pride at the thought that his omega trusts him enough to offer himself up like this.

“Fuck, Yoongi,” Seokjin says, his lips moving against his neck. “You’re so amazing. Do you know that? Do you know how beautiful you are? So pretty.”

Yoongi whimpers, one hand trailing across Seokjin’s shoulder, down his arm, and gripping tight. “Hyung,” he says, his deep voice sounding blissed out.

Seokjin did that. Seokjin is making him feel good. Fuck, it spurs him on to fuck Yoongi a little harder, to get more of those sweet sounds out of him.

Yoongi’s cock is trapped between their stomachs as Yoongi searches for Seokjin’s mouth, demanding kisses. Seokjin gives them to him, pleased that Yoongi is clearly already at the edge. Pleased that he’s now familiar enough with the signs of Yoongi’s body to know.

He can feel his knot growing, and he starts to fuck Yoongi a little slower, letting him feel it. He hears Yoongi gasp, feels him spasm around his knot, feels Yoongi’s cock twitch as he comes. Just in time for Seokjin’s knot to lock them together.

“So full,” Yoongi says, sounding half gone, his body giving a delicious shiver.

Seokjin’s own orgasm slams into him, the pleasure washing over him as he comes inside Yoongi. They exchange lazy kisses, and Seokjin just feels happy.

Happy that he has this. Happy that somehow he stumbled his way into Yoongi’s arms. Happy that it doesn’t end here, that he will get to sleep next to the man he loves and wake up next to him too — at least for tonight.

He’s just so incredibly happy.

☆☆☆

Yoongi feels trapped as his bedroom door slowly opens like in a horror movie, and he hears their giggles before they come into view.

Jimin and Jungkook stand together at the doorway, blocking it, preventing Yoongi from running away. Again.

“Hi, hyung,” Jimin says with a giggle.

Yoongi narrows his eyes and says, “Hello, Menace One and Menace Two.”

“We just wanna talk.” Jimin crosses his arms, and seeing him, Jungkook immediately crosses his arms too. “You’re the one that’s making it difficult.”

“I’d rather not be interrogated.”

“We just wanna know how your trip went,” Jungkook says, his grin huge. “Jin-hyung won’t tell me anything, but something happened, didn’t it?”

“What makes you think I’ll tell you?”

Jimin looks smug as he says, “There’s a huge hickey on Jin-hyung’s neck. Just tell us how it got there.”

Yoongi feels himself smile without his permission. He tries to push it down, but from the expressions on Jimin and Jungkook’s faces, he is completely failing. “Well that could be from anyone. Seriously, I don’t know why you’re bothering me about it. How should I know, huh?”

Jimin says, “Oh really? Anyone?”

“Fine, fine, fine,” Yoongi says, rolling his eyes and acting as annoyed as he can without laughing. “We had sex. There, are you happy now, you little perverts? Jeez, you guys act like it’s such a big deal.”

Jimin and Jungkook are practically squealing at each other, shaking hands as if they have achieved some grand accomplishment.

“Leave me alone now,” Yoongi says, waving them away.

“So it’s official now?” Jungkook asks excitedly.

“What’s official?”

“You two are together?”

“There’s nothing romantic going on. It’s just sex.” It’s clear that they’re not buying it so Yoongi groans and asks, “Seriously, is there anything I can say that will convince you two that we’re not in love?”

“I believe you, hyung,” Jungkook says, completely undeterred. “You two aren’t in love… yet.”

Jimin laughs so hard that he almost tumbles to the ground. Yoongi figures it’s a lost cause and just shoos away the two giggling idiots. Only time will convince them that there’s nothing more going on between him and Seokjin. Still, it does make Yoongi think.

They haven’t exactly sat down and talked about it. Yoongi’s not a fan of talking about his feelings, but it would be the adult thing to do, wouldn't it? Just to make sure there are no misunderstandings. He can still remember Namjoon’s face as he asked, And he knows that too?

Things between them are really good right now, and the last thing Yoongi wants is for anything to mess it up.

With that in mind, as they're cooking dinner that night, Yoongi asks, “Have Jimin and Jungkook been annoying you too?”

“Only every single day of my life since I've met them."

Music is blasting from the living room, the same song looping over and over as Jimin and Jungkook keep working on their choreography. The loud music gives them privacy, creating a wall of sound at the doorway.

Yoongi laughs. “Of course, but I mean have they been pestering you with questions about us?”

“Ah, yes. Jungkook is really pleased with himself.”

“They got me to admit we slept together. They wouldn't leave me alone.”

Seokjin stops chopping the carrot to give Yoongi a surprised look. “You gave in? Wow, I thought you were stronger than that.” His teasing smile makes Yoongi smile right back.

“I know, but in my defense, they were really persuasive. But it got me thinking that we should probably talk about it and make sure we’re on the same page, right?”

“Okay, yeah, that sounds smart.”

“Good. Um…” Yoongi tries not to blush, tries to not look away, but he’s finding it hard as his insides squirm with sudden nerves. Fuck, why is this so hard to talk about? He clears his throat and tries to sound casual as he says, “Well, sex between us is good, right? I'd like to keep having sex with you.”

Seokjin grins. “I'd definitely like to keep having sex with you too.”

“Great. So we keep doing it then?”

“Yeah. Sounds good to me.”

“Cool. We can be friends with benefits and then when one of us wants out, we can just say that and no one's feelings get hurt right? I mean, I would understand if in the future you met someone, and we had to stop.”

“Okay. I don't really think I'll meet anyone, though.”

Yoongi shrugs a shoulder. “You never know.”

“Well what about you? Think you'll meet someone?”

Yoongi laughs and shakes his head. Just the thought of it is ridiculous. “No way. I'm never falling in love again. I couldn't. But it's fine, I've made my peace with it. I’m happy to just enjoy our arrangement however long it lasts.”

“Okay,” Seokjin says, going back to chopping the carrot. “We're on the same page then. Friends with benefits, no feelings.”

Yoongi smiles, feeling very proud of himself. He did it. He communicated like a mature adult. They’re on the same page. This is perfect.

Chapter Text

♡♡♡

Seokjin is fucking miserable.

He keeps replaying the conversation over and over again in his head. Yoongi will never fall in love again. I couldn't, he said. He doesn’t think of Seokjin as anything more than a friend and convenient sex partner. All of Seokjin’s efforts, his stupid plan, his pathetic daydreams — all of it worthless.

You just have to accept it, Seokjin keeps telling himself. What other choice does he have? Yoongi already wears Seokjin’s chain around his throat. They live under the same roof. Seokjin gets to hold his hand, feed him dinner, hear about his day, and then make love to him at night. Can’t that be enough?

But his heart revolts and screams no over and over. Love can be as selfish as it can be selfless, and he wants more. He wants to tell Yoongi he loves him, and he wants to hear it back. He wants Yoongi to be his, completely his, just like Seokjin belongs to him. This midway point isn’t enough, not with Yoongi.

And yet, if he tells Yoongi the truth, if he looks Yoongi in the eyes and reveals his love, it would do nothing but push him away. Yoongi doesn’t want him, doesn’t love him. He can’t tell him. Not without losing him. Something dark and furious swirls in the back of his thoughts as he comes back to the same conclusion over and over: he can’t tell Yoongi, and it’s all Namjoon’s fault. He broke Yoongi’s heart without a second thought. He hadn’t deserved it. He was freely given the most precious thing in this world, the thing Seokjin wants most, and he hadn’t appreciated it — just like always. It’s all his fault.

Hoseok sends him another concerned glance as they sit in an office of his agency, going over the contract for his next project, Abyss. It’s a big role, a miniseries produced by Netflix with a huge budget and a big name director. He’ll play a serial killer, flex his acting skills, break out of his usual roles. He should be excited, but there’s nothing in him except the crushing sense of doom that took over his insides as soon as Yoongi said, I'm never falling in love again.

“Hyung, are you sure nothing is bothering you?” Hoseok asks.

“It’s just one of those days, Hoba,” Seokjin says.

Hoseok has witnessed a lot of Seokjin’s bad days. He was there when Seokjin’s mother was sick. He was there when she passed away. He was there when Seokjin was so raw with grief that it felt like his own life had ended. Hoseok had gone out and bought them groceries. He’d stayed over to soothe Jungkook when Seokjin refused to come out of his room for a couple of days. Over and over, Hoseok has been there, and if Seokjin was going to tell anyone in the world what he’s feeling right now, it would be Hoseok.

But the words are too painful even to think. He couldn’t make his mouths form them. Yoongi doesn’t love him. Yoongi will never love him, and he can’t accept it.

“If you don’t want the role—”

“I want it,” Seokjin says. “I’m lucky to have landed it, right? It would be crazy to turn it down. Even if it does mean spending three months in America.”

“It won’t be so bad. We’ll rent a nice house and take advantage of the location. Louis Vuitton wants to do a photoshoot while you’re there.”

“Okay,” Seokjin says, holding back a sigh.

By the time they finish going over his winter schedule, Seokjin feels worse than before. He will be busy. He will be away for months, an ocean away, and it’s all just more time for Yoongi to forget about him. More time for Yoongi to spend with Namjoon, to fall back in love with him, for Seokjin to lose what little he has.

It’s been a while since he’s felt like this, like he’s trapped in a box of despair. Helpless and afraid and with no clue about what he should do. He had almost forgotten what it felt like.

“I know what will cheer you up,” Hoseok says, getting up and walking out the door. When he comes back in, he has a big box full of envelopes. “This is a new batch that recently got through security.”

Seokjin sends Hoseok a small, grateful smile and reaches for an envelope. The gossip blogs and the interviews and the big press events are all things he tolerates, but this part of the job is something he actually likes. It feels good to know that people like him. Perhaps he’s just a pretty face on the screen most of the time, but plenty of people have written to him to say that his role has touched something in them, that he has brought them comfort during a hard time, that because of him their lives have changed. That’s something, right?

He reads the letters slowly, taking his time to feel grateful that someone put in the effort to send this in, and slowly the hurt caging his heart lessens just a tiny bit. He matters to these people. His life has collided with theirs and made enough of a good impact that he can now hold their words in his hand. It’s thanks to them and their enthusiasm for him that he has been able to get sponsorships and negotiate better contracts. It’s thanks to them that he can make sure Hoseok earns good money and Jungkook has everything he needs and Seokjin has money that didn’t come from his father.

He accepts a hug from Hoseok before he leaves, letting himself linger a little in the familiar embrace.

The sun is gone and twilight is fading to night as Seokjin arrives at the dance studio to pick Jungkook up. When he walks in, Jimin and Jungkook are both drenched in sweat but full of energy. He sits with his back against the mirror and watches attentively as they show him the choreography they’ve been working on.

It’s still not complete and they fumble through some parts, but Seokjin still claps and cheers as soon as it’s over. His heart always swells with pride watching the flawless way Jungkook moves, the total command he has over his body.

He can still vividly remember the awe in Jungkook’s young face as he watched Hoseok dance, his mouth hanging open, stars in his eyes. It had taken a lot of convincing to allow Seokjin to enroll him in dance classes, but Seokjin had caught him looking at enough dance tutorials online to know that it was something he really wanted to do.

Things had been like that back then. Difficult, every step a battle. Jungkook wasn’t used to people following through with their promises. He would reject anything Seokjin tried to give him, always afraid he was taking too much. Trust had been carefully and painfully built between them, and even still, there had been plenty of times when Jungkook would suddenly pull back, overwhelmed with it all.

Seokjin hadn’t had a clue what he was doing back then. He’d been young and way in over his head, but all he had wanted was to help this boy who was clearly struggling. With time, they found their way together.

Perhaps time will also help him and Yoongi figure it out. Back then, all he could do for Jungkook was be there for him, support him. Maybe things with Yoongi will settle too. Maybe Seokjin can learn to make peace with it. He can’t walk away from Yoongi any more than he could walk away from Jungkook. He still clings to a shred of hope.

Just accept it, Seokjin begs himself. He is out of options. He wants to be with Yoongi, and if that means hiding his feelings and pretending like everything is okay, then he has to do it.

What choice does he have but to love Yoongi quietly?

☆☆☆

Taehyung drops by unannounced on Yoongi's day off, letting himself in now that he knows the code to the door. He lifts up the covers and crawls into bed, shoving at Yoongi until he makes enough room for him.

His face is gloomy, and so Yoongi allows it with only a minimal amount of annoyed grunting. He lets Taehyung squeeze him and pets Taehyung’s hair when his cousin requests it. He's probably just upset because Jungkook's free time has been swallowed up by showcase practice. The two of them have spent considerably less time together since then.

Yoongi is secretly glad for it. Jungkook looks at Taehyung like he's the center of the universe. It's good for the two of them to spend time apart and hopefully give Jungkook a chance for his feelings to fade. That wasn't going to happen with Taehyung always there, commanding his attention.

“Wanna go shopping?” Yoongi offers.

“You hate shopping.”

“Is that a no?”

“Are you gonna let me try things on?”

Yoongi sighs. Try things on is Taehyung speak for a solo fashion show at every single store. “Fine. But you're buying me lunch.”

Yoongi dutifully follows him from store to store, nodding and complimenting everything Taehyung shows him. Taehyung buys three new ties, a shirt, and a bracelet, and by the fifth store his energy is a lot less sour. Yoongi bites back the urge to ask him how things are going with Namjoon, if they've patched things up yet. He can't quite bring himself to open up that fucked up door, not when things have been going so well.

For the first time ever in his life, he's content. His job carries stress and long hours, yes, but he gets playtime with Jimin and he and Namjoon have kept swapping ideas for the all omega boy group. He creates music and people hear it, people like it. And at home, they have harmony. He loves living with Seokjin and Jungkook. He loves the easy way they orbit each other.

And he also loves when he and Seokjin deliciously collide. The added layer of sex hasn't really changed their friendship. Their routines are the same. It’s just that now sometimes sitting on the couch together will turn into a make gout session. Now Seokjin will give him a look that sends a thrill straight through Yoongi’s guts and later has him face down, moaning into Seokjin’s sheets.

It’s pretty incredible. Seokjin is so good at making Yoongi’s body sing in pleasure. His kisses set Yoongi’s blood on fire. His hands on Yoongi’s skin, his teeth biting his neck, his cock filling him up, making him babble like an idiot, mind completely gone — Yoongi has to suppress a shiver just from thinking about it.

Seokjin is good. Things have been good. Yoongi tries not to think about it too much, tries to avoid the late night fear that sometimes sinks in. The voice that warns him that good things never last long, not for him. For once Yoongi is trying very hard to enjoy the now and not get in his own way.

Their hands full of shopping bags, they go to a trendy looking cafe for lunch. Yoongi talks nonstop about the book he’s currently reading even though he knows Taehyung isn’t really listening. Taehyung still seems to be in a better mood than he’d been in the morning, so it’s a surprise when, towards the end of their lunch, Taehyung suddenly asks, “Hyung, am I a bad person?”

“What? No. Why do you think that?”

Taehyung’s expression is turning dark and gloomy again as he shrugs. “I’ve done bad things.”

“Everyone’s done bad things. Good people do bad things all the time. It's part of being human.” Taehyung doesn’t seem convinced, and it makes Yoongi frown in concern. Yoongi asks, “What is it? What are you thinking?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes… sometimes I feel like I hate myself.”

Yoongi’s mouth drops open as he feels the words hit him. The distress he feels is sharp and burning. “Why?” he asks before he can think better of it. Yoongi’s no stranger to self-hatred, but Taehyung has never brought something like that up before. It doesn’t make any sense.

Taehyung shrugs and no more words come.

“Tae, there’s no reason to hate yourself. You’re not a bad person.”

“Maybe I am. Maybe I’m…” Taehyung seems to swallow hard. “Maybe I deserve to feel this bad.”

“That’s nonsense. What’s really going on? When did you start feeling like this?”

Taehyung is silent for a long moment, long enough that Yoongi starts to worry that he won’t answer at all. But then something in Taehyung seems to give up, his shoulders hunching in. He looks down at the table and answers, “I’m not happy in my marriage, hyung. It’s just… it’s not working.”

“What’s not working?” Yoongi asks despite the instant discomfort he feels. “Namjoon is going home earlier, isn’t he? You guys stopped fighting?”

“But I’m not happy.”

“What does your counselor say?”

“We stopped going. It wasn’t really helping.”

Yoongi presses his lips together, trying to think of the right thing to say. He really has no idea. What ends up coming out is a bland, “Marriage is hard. That’s what everyone says, right? It’s hard.”

“I don’t think it should be this hard,” Taehyung says, his expression turning into a frown. “I think there’s something wrong with me. Something that makes me bad at it. I shouldn’t have married Namjoon-hyung. Everything was telling me not to, but I just — I didn’t listen.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you. Being stuck together, it’s hard. But look at me and Jin-hyung. We literally hated each other and now we found a way to be friends. Maybe that’s something you and Namjoon need to do. Work on being friends first.”

That had been his and Namjoon’s plan. They figured if they could be friends, real friends, then everything else would eventually click. Yoongi and Seokjin went about it all wrong, but in the end it was the same, wasn’t it?

Taehyung seems to slump even more into himself, but he nods and says, “Maybe.”

Yoongi nods encouragingly. “Maybe what you both need is a vacation. Time away to focus on each other, you know?”

His mind instantly pictures blue water. Nightly walks. Seokjin’s comforting presence.

Taehyung doesn’t seem enthusiastic about the idea but still he says, “Yeah. Maybe something like that.”

Yoongi worries, but he doesn’t know what more he can do. He makes a mental note to check in on Taehyung more, perhaps even ask Namjoon about this himself. It’s not really something he wants to get in the middle of, but if it will help Taehyung and Namjoon, he’s willing to do it.

Taehyung’s gloomy mood is back as they make their way out of the restaurant. They walk by a store that suddenly catches Yoongi’s eye. They’re advertising a new collaboration with MapleStory.

“Can we go in there?” Yoongi asks, already walking towards the store.

When Yoongi gets home an hour later, a bag held tightly in his sweaty hand, he feels ridiculous. His face feels hot, but still he marches into the apartment with determination.

Seokjin buys him things all the time. It’s not a big deal. Friends buy each other things. Taehyung buys Yoongi things all the time too. It’s fine. There’s no reason to feel nervous about it.

And yet there’s something about it that makes Yoongi feel vulnerable, like when he was a stupid kid and he’d give his uninterested mother one of his shitty drawings. He already anticipates this not going well. But whatever, it doesn’t matter if Seokjin doesn’t like it. Yoongi shouldn’t feel nervous about it. He’ll just give it to him and if he doesn’t like it, then at least Yoongi still did something nice.

Right. Yoongi ignores his queasy tummy and walks over to Seokjin, who is sitting on the couch scrolling on his phone. “Here,” Yoongi says, tossing the bag at Seokjin, who manages to catch it.

Alright, well that’s done. Yoongi quickly flees to his room, his heart hammering in his chest. His plan of hiding doesn’t exactly work, though, since literally a minute later Seokjin is knocking on his door.

When Seokjin pokes his head in, he’s grinning. “You got me Pink Bean pajamas,” he states.

“Yeah,” Yoongi says, finding it very hard to hold eye contact.

Seokjin marches in and grabs Yoongi’s face, a hand cupping each cheek. “So sweet, our Yoongi,” Seokjin says, looking so happy that it makes something in Yoongi’s stomach flip. “I love them. Thank you.”

The kiss is unexpected but welcomed, Seokjin pulling him right in. It’s sweet and happy, unhurried, and when they part, Yoongi can’t help but smile.

☆☆☆

You and Jin-hyung both have a sweet tooth, Yoongi thinks as he watches Namjoon pop little star-shaped candies into his mouth. The two of them are hanging out on Hybe’s rooftop garden, sitting on a secluded bench.

His friendship with Namjoon has stabilized, much to Yoongi’s relief, but still, there are little moments when Yoongi looks at him and gets hit with a wave of strangeness. For the most part, things between them are the same as before. His conversations with Namjoon are still easy, full of old inside jokes, comfortable in their familiarity. He knows the sound of Namjoon’s voice well, and sometimes it’s as though they can read each other’s minds.

And yet, at the same time, things are very much not the same. Namjoon is here, right next to him. Not on the other side of the world, not on a screen. He’s here, and Yoongi doesn’t feel like he will burst with the need to be closer. His insides don’t burn when their eyes meet. He still loves Namjoon — that overwhelming affection hasn’t changed — but his heart has scarred over.

Yoongi doesn’t hurt anymore. He’s not sure when that happened, exactly, but he’s relieved. Being in love had always been painful. Perhaps not at first, when his insides first started to flutter whenever he made Namjoon laugh, but very quickly his heart began to yearn. The fantasies of the future carried with them a bitterness of the present. His heart ached to be with Namjoon, and then his heart broke when it all blew up.

It feels good not to be in pain anymore — because that’s exactly what love is. Love is pain. Love is a longing that never gets fulfilled. Love is something that only takes and destroys, and Yoongi is glad to be done with the whole rotten concept.

This is better, sitting with Namjoon and laughing and cringing as they remember their embarrassing early attempts at writing songs together, the way they’d tried way too hard to be cool. They’ve been up here a while, completely lost in conversation, and so it startles Yoongi when suddenly his phone starts vibrating in his pocket.

“Whoa, hold on,” he says as he fishes it out. The name on the screen says Seokjinnie-hyung 💜 and below it is a photo of him and Seokjin, taken a few days ago when they celebrated Jungkook’s twenty-second birthday. Seokjin had insisted on the change when he saw how he was saved in Yoongi’s phone (“Wah, seriously? Just my full name? That’s so impersonal, so cold. Absolutely will not do.”) and now the photo shows the two of them making silly faces at the camera — well, Yoongi looks silly. Seokjin somehow manages to just look cute.

Yoongi is way too aware of the fact that Namjoon clearly saw his screen as he answers, “Hello?”

“Hey, I’m on my way home. Are you there already?”

Shit. Yoongi checks the time again before answering, “No, I haven’t left yet. I’ll get going though.”

“Okay. I’ll have the makeup artist start on me then, and you can go second.”

“Alright, see you soon.”

“Don’t take too long,” Seokjin says cutely. “I miss you already, can’t wait to see you — but get home safely!”

Yoongi smiles. “Okay.”

“Byeee.” Seokjin sends several kisses through the phone before hanging up.

One glance at Namjoon lets Yoongi know that he pretty much heard all of that. Yoongi clears his throat and prepares to completely pretend like that didn’t just happen.

To his surprise, Namjoon says, “Seokjin-hyung is… quite the character, isn’t he?”

Yoongi snorts out a laugh, a grin taking over his face. “That’s one way to put it, yeah. We’re going to the premiere party of his new drama tonight. It’ll be interesting. I’ve never been to one before.”

Namjoon sounds like he’s trying to be nice as he says, “I hope you have fun.”

Yoongi can’t stop himself from saying, “I really hope so too. Hyung’s career is going pretty well so it’s something I’ll have to get used to. He’s filming a series in America in a couple of months.” Yoongi can hear the pride in his voice as he brags, “It’s gonna be a big deal. The script is amazing. I’ve read part of it, and it’s really going to showcase how talented hyung is. It’s full of big names too. It’s gonna be really cool.”

“That’s good,” Namjoon says, no enthusiasm in his voice.

Yoongi can feel himself sink a little in disappointment. Of course Namjoon wouldn’t really think so. It’s not like Yoongi can erase a lifetime of bad sibling feelings, he knows that, but it sucks that two of the most important people in his life don’t like each other.

“Yeah,” Yoongi says, standing up. “Well, I better go home. I’ll see you Monday, Joon.”

“Bye, hyung,” Namjoon says, his bright smile from earlier gone as he watches Yoongi walk away.

When Yoongi walks into the apartment, he sees that the makeup artist has set up in the dining room. She is working on Seokjin, although there's really not that much of a difference. It's unfair, truly, that Seokjin with subtle makeup on just looks a tiny bit more airbrushed, a tiny bit more perfect.

This is going to be Yoongi's first official event as Seokjin's mate, and there's something intimidating about that. The drama has already garnered a lot of buzz, and Yoongi knows the press will be there, snapping pictures and trying to get a good look at him.

He's trying very hard not to care about what people will say, but he can already hear the gossip blogs wondering how in the world someone as stunning as Kim Seokjin ended up with someone like him. But whatever, it doesn't matter. If he repeats that enough times, maybe it will feel true.

When it's Yoongi's turn to get his makeup done, he's got a nervous buzz under his skin.

“Would you like to do some eyeshadow?” the makeup artist asks, showing him a small palette of neutral shades. “I think this would look really nice.”

Yoongi hesitates. He has spent a long time avoiding things that would mark him as an omega. He has cringed at male omegas who try so desperately to fit into all of the stereotypes of their subgender. But why? It seems silly to avoid things just because they'll mark him as an omega. He is an omega. He thinks of Hoseok, who freely chooses whatever he wants to put on, not restrained at all by any boxes, and he nods his head and says, “Sure. Let's try it.”

Jungkook walks over when the makeup artist is done and letting Yoongi admire her work in a handheld mirror. “Hyung, wow,” Jungkook says with wide eyes as he leans closer to look at Yoongi. “You look so beautiful. Oh, you’re gonna be driving Jin-hyung crazy all night.”

The makeup artists giggles behind her hand, and Yoongi smiles as he says, “Thank you, Jungkookie."

It's only because Jungkook put the thought in his head that he even pays attention to Seokjin's reaction when they meet by the door, ready to go. Seokjin’s eyes widen as they land on Yoongi, his mouth dropping slightly open.

“Ready?” Yoongi asks, warm with pleasure from Seokjin's reaction, a boost of confidence injected into him to help combat the nerves.

“What?” Seokjin blinks and shakes his head a little. “I mean, yes. Yes, let's go.”

Yoongi can't stop himself from smiling. The makeup suits him, and with his hair styled slightly wavy, framing his face, he has to admit that he does look pretty nice. Seokjin must really think so too, with the way he keeps glancing at him every five seconds.

When they arrive at the venue, the whole place is crowded with fans, photographers, and staff members ushering even more people to and fro. A thousand cameras seem to be pointed at them, the air noisy with all of the little shutter sounds going off continuously. To Yoongi’s surprise, Seokjin seems nervous.

He looks tense as they walk the red carpet outside, keeping a tight grip on Yoongi’s hand as they pose for photos. His smile is as beautiful and charming as ever, but his eyes hold discomfort.

It's not until they're inside, away from the flashing cameras, that Seokjin sags with relief. The tips of his ears are red. “I hate all that fuss,” Seokjin says in response to Yoongi’s inquisitive look.

“You get nervous?” Yoongi asks, genuinely curious.

“The acting, I can do. The interviews, the photoshoots, the fans, I can handle it. But there’s something about red carpets that always feel… I don’t know, like they’re about to swarm. It freaks me out.”

Yoongi feels his heart glow with affection as he stares at Seokjin, taking in the slightly embarrassed expression on his face. Seokjin always presents himself as shamelessly confident, as though human concerns are beneath him, but that’s nowhere near the truth, is it? Yoongi likes the ability to peek behind the curtain and take a look at who’s really back there.

“Awww,” Yoongi teases, enjoying the way Seokjin gives him a playful scowl. “Don’t worry, hyung. I’m here now. I won’t let the big, bad photographers get you.”

“My hero,” Seokjin says before breaking into his squeaky laugh.

The rest of the night is smooth sailing. There’s food and drinks and a DJ that isn’t half bad. Yoongi meets Seokjin’s co-stars and the director, and each time Seokjin sounds proud when he introduces Yoongi as his mate. It feels as though Seokjin barely lets go of him the entire time. If his hand isn’t holding Yoongi’s then it’s on Yoongi’s shoulder, around his waist, around his hip, on his arm. He doesn’t seem to realize he’s doing it, but Yoongi notices every touch.

Something about it makes Yoongi feel important. It’s a good feeling.

It's late by the time they get back home. Yoongi washes off the makeup and gets ready for bed, humming a little song all the while. It was a good night. Usually events like that leave him exhausted, but as looks around his bedroom, he finds that he doesn’t really want to get into bed right now.

Well, not in his own bed.

He walks slowly to Seokjin’s bedroom and feels relieved when he sees light shining from under the door. He softly knocks.

“JK?” Seokjin's voice asks.

“No, it's me,” Yoongi says as he cracks open the door.

“Ah, come in, come in.” Seokjin is tucked in bed, wearing his Pink Bean pajamas. His room is warmly lit from the lamp on his nightstand. He smiles widely as Yoongi enters the room and closes the door behind him. “Hello, dear Yoongi.”

“Hello.”

Seokjin’s eyebrows go up as he waits, but Yoongi finds it impossible to say out loud his exact reason for coming here. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, trying to think of the best way to ask without making himself feel too exposed.

“I know it’s late, but…” Yoongi trails off, feeling warmth flood his face.

Seokjin pulls back the covers with a little smirk on his face, like he knows exactly what Yoongi wants. Yoongi tries not to embarrass himself by walking over too fast.

It's easy by now to slip into Seokjin’s arms. Kissing him has become so familiar. Their bodies recognize each other, and Yoongi quickly loses himself in the warm feelings that bloom inside him as the kisses grow more and more heated.

He can tell immediately that this isn’t going to be a quick fuck. Seokjin kisses him and kisses him and kisses him, his body pinning Yoongi in place. The anticipation builds, sparks of arousal going through his guts. Seokjin waits until Yoongi is desperate and squirming — his hips involuntarily rocking up to look for friction — to finally let their shirts come off.

The teasing continues. A thumb lazily circling Yoongi’s nipple as Seokjin kisses his neck. A tug at the waistband of Yoongi’s boxers that leads nowhere. Yoongi is hard and embarrassingly wet by the time he caves and says, “Hyung.”

“Mm?”

Yoongi seeks his mouth again and can feel Seokjin’s smile as they exchange another kiss. He knows exactly what Yoongi needs. He’s enjoying having Yoongi panting in his bed. It makes a flash of hot pleasure go through Yoongi’s body, and he whines against Seokjin’s mouth.

Seokjin finally takes pity on him and gets them naked. He runs his fingers over Yoongi’s cock, touches the leaking head. He looks heart-stoppingly gorgeous as he looks at Yoongi with hunger.

Yoongi has never let anyone take the lead the way he lets Seokjin. He feels like putty in his hands, willing to do whatever Seokjin wants. He trusts that Seokjin will make him feel good.

His brain is completely off as Seokjin flips him over. He feels Seokjin spread him open, feels Seokjin’s tongue there, sending hot waves of pleasure through him. He does his best to bite his lip to keep himself from moaning too loud, but it’s hard when Seokjin is opening him up so deliciously.

By the time Seokjin is finally properly fucking him, Yoongi is a panting mess. He’s shaking with overwhelming pleasure as Seokjin expertly moves in him.

“Yoongi,” Seokjin says, his name a low moan, and fuck, it sounds so wonderful said like that. Like Yoongi is the only thought in his head.

Yoongi comes so hard that he can feel pleasure radiate through his entire body, and Seokjin is there to hold him through it.

♡♡♡

“Oh, Jwan! Look at you! You’re glowing,” Hoseok says as he steps into the green room that Seokjin is sitting in.

He has an interview to do to promote the new drama. It should be easy, just a fluff piece to charm the hosts and get everyone to tune in. Seokjin grins at Hoseok and feels himself go a little red at the sudden attention. He hides behind his hand, careful not to actually touch his face and mess up his makeup. “Jwe-Hope.”

“Jwan,” Hoseok coos back before laughing.

Seokjin laughs too. He hasn’t been able to stop smiling all day, his heart warm in his chest. Yoongi had looked so cute this morning as he slept next to Seokjin. It’s the first time since his heat that he has spent the night in Seokjin’s bed. All of the other times they’ve had sex, Yoongi always went back to his room, but this time…

This time he stayed.

Seokjin feels another burst of joy as his mind replays the way Yoongi had sleepily turned to him, his eyes still closed but reaching for him, silently asking to be held. He’d nuzzled into Seokjin’s shoulder and made a happy sounding hum. Seokjin had felt as if his insides were full of rainbows and butterflies and delicious gummy candies as he held Yoongi close and softly stroked his hair. A sleepy morning enjoyed between the two of them full of warmth.

“It’s been a good day,” Seokjin says, his giant grin still on his face.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I had a delicious breakfast,” he says, thinking of the simple meal he shared with Yoongi after Seokjin’s grumbling stomach made them laugh and finally get out of bed.

“Must’ve been one hell of a breakfast,” Hoseok teases, leaning against the vanity that’s adjacent to the couch Seokjin is sitting on.

“It was very, very good. Perhaps the best I’ve ever had.”

Hoseok laughs. “Ah, seriously, this has to do with Yoongi-hyung, doesn’t it? You only get like this when he’s involved. I never thought I’d see you so in love.”

Love. Seokjin’s happy bubble bursts as reality hits him once again. Yes, he’s in love — deeply in love. But Yoongi isn’t, not with him.

“Wait, what did I say?” Hoseok asks, alarmed. “What is it?”

“Nothing.”

“No, you stopped smiling. It was something.”

Seokjin should be used to the sudden drops by now, but each time it's just as scary, just as crushing. His stupid heart keeps clinging to hope. He somehow manages to forget the truth of the matter whenever he is with Yoongi, too busy fawning over Yoongi's cute smile, too busy feeling happy when he has him in his arms. It's only when he's alone that the aching sadness creeps back to remind him that Yoongi isn't really his.

Yoongi will never love me, Seokjin wants to say. He wants to have Hoseok wrap him up in a hug and reassure him that Yoongi will return his feelings someday. He wants Hoseok to agree with the insane part of his brain that is convinced that somehow, if he keeps trying, Yoongi will change his mind. But something stops the words from coming. Pride. Fear. Shame.

“It's nothing, really,” Seokjin lies. “I just suddenly remembered everything I have to do to get ready for our mini-move to LA. Should I even bother packing up my clothes? Or should I just buy new ones there? I can't decide.”

Hoseok looks unsure, but he allows him to get away with it, saying, “I don't think you'll need much. Just pack a few basics you can mix and match.”

“But what if the queen invites me for tea and I don't have anything fancy to wear? That would be embarrassing.”

“America doesn't have a queen.”

“Ah, right. Well what if sexy Brad Pitt from the 90's time travels and asks me out and all of my outfits are boring?”

“You'll have to turn him down. I'm vetoing having an affair with time travelers. It wouldn't be good for your image.”

Seokjin sighs. “Wow, you're really good at this. I guess I can leave my fancy ball gown behind.”

Hoseok laughs and the sound soothes some of the ache in Seokjin's heart and gets him to smile again, even if it's small.

“You sure you're okay?” Hoseok asks, tilting his head to the side as he stares at Seokjin, trying to figure him out.

“Yeah, just…” Seokjin clears his throat. “Lots to do.”

“Are you worried you'll miss him?”

“Of course I'll miss him. And Jungkook and Jimin too. I’m happy I’ll have you,” Seokjin says, reaching out a hand towards Hoseok that he instantly takes.”

“Someone has to keep an eye on you,” Hoseok says as he squeezes Seokjin’s hand.

Seokjin puts on a proper smile to make sure his friend doesn’t worry too much about him. He asks, “Have you heard back about the dates? We’ll be able to make it right?”

“Ah, yes. They finally emailed me back. We’ll have to leave literally the next morning, but we’ll make it. I already bought the plane tickets.”

“Good. I would feel terrible missing the showcase. They’ve been working so hard.”

“They really have. Jimin literally practices it in his sleep. When he’s napping on the couch I see him twitch to the beat of the song.” Hoseok acts it out, and it’s silly enough that it makes Seokjin laugh, easing the pain in his heart just a bit.

♡♡♡

When Seokjin walks into the apartment, he expects it to be empty. Jungkook is never home these days and Yoongi is once again working towards a deadline. But as he steps into the living room he sees Jungkook on the couch, his head in his hands.

“Kookie?” Seokjin says, stepping closer.

Jungkook looks up, his face wet with tears. Seokjin immediately sits next to him and wraps an arm around his shoulders.

It's not too unusual of a sight. Jungkook tends to cry easily. Anything from a sad commercial to harsh words can set him off. It used to freak Seokjin out, back when Jungkook first started staying over. Jungkook's big bambi eyes would suddenly start watering for reasons Seokjin couldn’t understand and Jungkook couldn’t communicate. They’d been living in Seokjin’s small studio apartment, the couch and the bed close together enough that Seokjin could clearly hear Jungkook crying some nights.

He’d had no clue what to do back then. The first time he had tried to comfort Jungkook with touch had been after they’d gotten into a stupid spat. Jungkook kept aggressively wiping away tears, and Seokjin had felt guilty enough that he grabbed Jungkook’s arm and tried to pull him into a hug. Jungkook had immediately bolted out of the apartment and hadn’t returned for two days.

It’s been a long road to here: Seokjin squeezing Jungkook to him without hesitation, knowing the best thing he can do is to let him cry it out.

It takes a while but eventually Jungkook sniffles and wipes at his face. It's Seokjin's cue. “What's got our Jungkookie so down, hmm?”

Jungkook's lower lip wobbles, but he doesn't break down again. Just says in a small voice, “I'm in over my head, hyung. I know I shouldn't, but I love him and I don't know what to do.”

Taehyung. Seokjin holds back a sigh. He knew this was coming, and yet he had still hoped that it would pass. He can't help but feel responsible for this. He should have prevented it somehow. He should have just let Namjoon marry Taehyung and never interfered. What a fucking mess he made of everything.

“I wish I could give you good advice on this, but I don't know what the right thing to do would be either. Do you think he returns your feelings?”

“Sometimes I do. Nothing has happened between us, not — y'know, like that. But when we're together, it feels special. I think he does at least like me back, but… it's impossible, isn't it?” Jungkook’s voice sounds so defeated as he says, “He wouldn't leave his mate for me. I'm a nobody, going nowhere. I don't deserve him.”

“No, hey, none of that. You don't come from money, you don't have a fancy degree — so what? You're just as worthy of love and respect as anyone else. And this Taehyung you love so much, is he a classist asshole who only cares about status? Hmm? Is that the person you fell in love with?”

Jungkook shakes his head. A small, hurt sounding, “No.”

“Exactly, no. Don't think less of yourself because of this. Not for one second.”

“I just… I’ve hardly had any time to see him recently, and I miss him so much. And it’s made me realize that I want him to pick me. I want him to leave his mate and be with me because I know he isn't happy but I can't ask him to do that and he probably never will. Rich people don't divorce, do they?”

Seokjin sighs. “No, not usually.” He wipes away a fresh tear that rolls down Jungkook’s face. “I'm sorry you're hurting like this. I wish I could do something to stop it. Whatever happens, you know that I will always be there for you. I love you very much, and you're gonna get through this, you got it? It just might really suck for a while, but you will get through it.”

Jungkook gives a little nod, though he still looks unsure. “Should I… should I tell him?”

“Do you want to tell him?”

Jungkook thinks about it for a moment before saying, “I think I do. I want him to know. Just maybe not right now. After the showcase is over, when I can focus, I'll tell him then.”

Seokjin rubs his back and nods. “Sounds smart. And whatever happens, I'll be here for you.”

“Thank you, hyung.” Jungkook gives him a small smile and leans in so that their heads touch.

Seokjin thinks, not for the first time, that at least he made one good choice in this stupid world when he decided to share his lunch with that grubby looking boy in the park.

☆☆☆

Jimin had dragged Yoongi to lunch — quite literally, his small hand wrapped tightly around Yoongi’s wrist, insisting Yoongi had to listen because it’s Jimin’s birthday week — and so they’re here in the Hybe cafeteria, Namjoon and Yoongi sitting on one side of the table, Jimin sitting across from them.

“You can’t get crazy like last time,” Jimin scolds him as Yoongi slurps up some noodles and ignores him. “You need to properly eat and sleep. And you.” Jimin narrows his eyes at Namjoon. “You need to make sure he’s not working himself into an early grave.”

“He doesn’t listen to me,” Namjoon says.

“I’m not a baby,” Yoongi says through his mouthful.

“Well I’m not really seeing any adult behavior,” Jimin says, and Yoongi is pretty sure that he would’ve kept going if both of their phones didn’t suddenly buzz.

Both of them pick up their phones. It’s the group chat. Yoongi opens it and is immediately met with a picture of Seokjin at the gym. He’s sweaty, his hair sticking to his forehead, skin glistening. His cheeks are pink as if he just put on heavy blush. And he’s goddamn fucking shirtless.

“Wow,” Jimin says and then giggles.

Yoongi’s insides twist with want, his eyes trailing the exposed skin of Seokjin’s chest. He scowls at his phone.

Hoseok has already responded with rows of fire emojis.

“Seriously, this hyung,” Jimin says with a fond shake of his head. “He’s always doing this.”

Yoongi is too distracted to realize that Namjoon is leaning over and looking at his screen. By the time he snaps out of it enough to realize, Namjoon is already looking away. Yoongi puts down his phone — face down — and goes back to his food.

His phone buzzes as Jimin sends in his own reply. Yoongi ignores it.

Jimin looks up from his own phone and asks, “You’re not going to say anything?”

“What’s there to say?”

Jimin grins devilishly. “Don’t you like looking at your mate’s sexy photos? You could say thank you.”

“Jin-hyung sends you guys photos like that a lot?” Namjoon asks with a frown. “That’s… kinda weird.”

“He likes compliments,” Jimin says, typing something else into the group chat and making Yoongi’s phone buzz again. “Especially from a certain someone who is here with us at this table.”

Namjoon looks at Yoongi, but Yoongi refuses to look at him — or at anyone. He can’t, not when he is trying very, very hard to stop the wave of arousal he’s feeling.

It’s weird. It’s nowhere near mating season, and yet this need feels just as primal. He wants nothing more than to run home and get naked with Seokjin. It’s as if his body knows that in just a few weeks Seokjin will be gone and it wants to cram in as much sex as possible. Yoongi barely sleeps in his own bed these days.

He now owns two toothbrushes, one in his own bathroom and one that lives in Seokjin’s. Yoongi’s busy working on Yeonjun’s new mini album, and he often comes home late. It’s easier to find time to actually see Seokjin — see and talk and kiss and fuck and talk some more — if he just spends the night with him. Seokjin never seems to mind.

Even after lunch, even after he’s back in his studio trying very hard to focus, Yoongi’s mind still keeps wandering back to Seokjin. He can’t stop thinking about how good he looks. How much Yoongi wants to get on his knees and get his mouth on Seokjin’s cock. He can’t stop thinking about the way Seokjin makes Yoongi’s entire body feel overheated in the best possible way. Yoongi wants that, wants to feel full and wanted and—

“Hyung?” Namjoon’s voice says, cutting through Yoongi’s thoughts.

“Sorry, what?” Yoongi blinks, trying to remember what he’s supposed to be doing.

Oh right. Namjoon is here. They’re working on the album. Right, right, right.

Namjoon smiles, soft and endeared. He absolutely should not be, not if he knew what was really going on in Yoongi’s head. “Do you need a break?,” Namjoon asks. “It’s getting kind of late. Maybe we should take a walk to clear our heads. Come back to it refreshed.”

Yoongi looks at the time, and yes, it’s just past six o’clock. “I think we should call it a day,” he says, getting up and grabbing his backpack. He quickly begins stuffing his things back into it, his movements too rushed and overeager. “I gotta head home.”

Namjoon’s eyebrows go up in surprise. “What’s the hurry? Oh wait, is it your brother’s birthday?”

“No, no, that’s in like two weeks. You and Taehyung are coming to the party right?”

“I think so. I had Jimin pencil it in. I’m pretty sure I was free that weekend.” Namjoon watches as Yoongi puts on his backpack. “So then what is it?”

“Huh?”

“Why are you rushing?”

Yoongi feels his face heat up. “I’m not. It’s just —” I desperately need my mate to fuck me, his brain supplies. He catches himself in time and quickly closes his mouth. Opens it again to say, “Jin-hyung is making dinner. He’ll be leaving soon, so I wanna spend some time with him.”

There. That’s true enough — Seokjin almost always cooks dinner these days.

Namjoon gets that look on his face that says he greatly disapproves of Yoongi’s friendship with Seokjin. “Hyung, you’d tell me, right? If you had feelings for Seokjin-hyung, you would tell me?”

Yoongi stops inching towards the door, his eyes widening in surprise at the question. “What?”

“Clearly you two are… close.” Namjoon says it like it pains him to admit it. “I know you said it was just sex, but if it turned into something more, would you tell me?”

“There’s nothing romantic between me and hyung,” Yoongi says, summoning up patience. This is a ridiculous conversation and a huge waste of time, but Namjoon looks like he needs the reassurance. “If I started having feelings for him, then sure, I’d tell you. But nothing is going to happen. Stop worrying about it.”

“I can’t help but worry. I don’t get why you’re letting him be anywhere near you.”

“Joon,” Yoongi says, rolling his eyes. “I know what I’m doing, okay? Just trust me.”

“I do trust you. It’s him I don’t trust. It’s not a good idea to sleep with him.”

“Who should I sleep with then? Because Jin-hyung is my mate. I’m technically only supposed to sleep with him.”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt,” Namjoon says, looking upset.

“I won’t,” Yoongi states confidently as he starts inching towards the door again. “We’re friends. We’re sleeping together because it’s convenient. That’s it.”

“And you don’t love him?”

“No,” Yoongi says opening the door. “Not romantically.”

Namjoon still looks upset as they walk out the door, but Yoongi doesn’t have time to change his mind tonight. He instead presses the elevator button five times in a row, urging it to open up faster.

When he gets home, Seokjin is in the living room, a script in hand. He looks up and smiles when he sees Yoongi. “Hello,” Seokjin says cutely, his smile innocent, like he didn’t fucking send that ridiculous photo to drive Yoongi insane.

Yoongi marches over and grabs his hand. “Let’s go,” he says and heads straight to Seokjin’s bedroom.