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Chapter Text

A long time ago, in a land far, far away…

The second time Rey was sold was on her nineteenth birthday.  The first time, she had been five, and Lord Unkar Plutt had paid next to nothing for her.  

She was scrubbing the stone stairs when she heard the sound of horses in the courtyard below.  She slipped to the window, and cold fingers of dread clutched at her as she recognized the symbol the warriors wore.

The Knights of Ren.

She’d heard stories of them over the years, and while she knew they did, in fact, exist, she assumed that Castle Jakku was far too small and out of the way to ever be taken notice of by them.  Clearly, she had been wrong.

Only six knights had arrived.  Where was their leader?  She’d never heard a story of the knights that didn’t include the presence of Lord Kylo Ren.  Would he be arriving later?  As terrifying as the knights were, they didn’t hold a candle to Lord Ren, a man as skilled and deadly with his fiery blade as he was with magic.  

The knights disappeared into the castle, and Rey returned to her work.  It wouldn’t do to be caught standing idly, staring out the window.  She’d experienced enough beatings to know that much.  Whatever had brought the knights to Castle Jakku had nothing to do with her, and she would do well to remember that.

Several minutes passed, and she continued to work her way down the steps.  Her ears picked up the sound of hurried footsteps, and then suddenly, from the base of the stairs, she heard, “Rey!”

Looking down, she met Rose's wide, panicked eyes. The other woman’s face was drained of color. Rey set aside her scrub brush and hurried down to her friend, wiping her hands on her apron. Reaching Rose, she asked, “What’s wrong?”

Rose grasped her arm, “The Knights of Ren.”

“I know.  I saw them arrive.”

Rose’s grip tightened, “Rey, they’re here for you.”

Rey stared at her friend in confusion, “For me?  What…what are you talking about?”

Rose took a few deep breaths and tugged at Rey, “I don’t know.”  Her voice was miserable, “I’m sorry.  I’m so, so sorry.  Lord Plutt ordered me to come get you.”

Rey was wise enough not to ignore the man's summons. With a sigh, she said, “It’s okay. Let’s go.”

When they reached the doors to the audience chamber, Rey hesitated momentarily.  She had no idea what awaited her on the other side of the door, no clue as to what the knights could possibly want with her.  She turned to Rose, “I’ll be fine.”

Rose chewed at her lip, “Are you sure?”

“Yes.  Go.”

Her friend turned and hurried away. Steeling herself, Rey grasped the door handle and pulled it open. She fixed her eyes on the floor as she stepped into the room and walked toward Lord Plutt's seat. Halfway there, she heard him bark, “Stop there.”

Her feet obeyed, and she tried to focus on her breathing.  Tried to keep her body still and not let it tremble.  She would not let her master or the knights see just how scared she truly was.

“Is this her?” A sharp, male voice asked.

“Course it is,” came Lord Plutt’s annoyed reply.

Heavy, armored footsteps headed toward Rey, and she saw the black armor of the knight who had come to stand before her.  “Lift your head, girl,” the command came from the same sharp voice she’d heard moments earlier.

She did as ordered.  Towering over her was a knight with a mask that reminded her of a skull.  Whatever facial features he had were hidden by both mask and black fabric.  Still, she could feel his eyes boring into her.  He began to circle her, his head moving just enough so that she knew he was observing her entire body.  When he came to stand in front of her again, he asked, “What’s your name, girl?”

Terror had robbed her of her voice momentarily, and it was only Lord Plutt’s bark of, “Damn it, answer him!” that loosed her tongue.

“Rey.”

“Your age?”

“Nineteen.”

The knight continued to stare at her, and it took everything inside not to drop her gaze to the floor.  A few seconds passed, and he asked, “Were you born here?”

She shook her head, “No.”

“Where were you born?”

“I don’t know.”  It was the truth.  Whatever her life had been before Plutt bought her, it was all a blank space in her mind.  There were no memories of a life that wasn’t at Castle Jakku.

“Who is your family?” the knight pressed.

Again, “I don’t know.”

The knight turned to her master, “Have you lied to us, Plutt?  Lord Ren will be very displeased if he learns that you have.”

“What I told you is the truth.  I may not be the wisest man, but I’m wise enough to know not to bring down the wrath of Lord Ren upon myself and my property.  She is the one he’s been searching for.”  Lord Plutt replied.  Rey was stunned.  She’d never heard the man speak so much or so eloquently.

Several seconds passed, and then the knight turned back to her, “Fetch your things.  We’re leaving.”

Fear mixed with stubbornness.  She planted her feet, “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“Oh, but you are.”  The knight waved at another knight, “Ushar will escort you.  You would be wise to do as you’re told and not test his patience.”

She would, she really would.  And yet, as Ushar walked toward her, she demanded, “Where am I going?”

Ushar reached her, as the other knight replied, “You will know soon enough.  Get your things.  Lord Ren does not like to be kept waiting.”

Something about the knight's voice told Rey it would be pointless to question him further. She turned and headed toward the door. As she left the room, she heard Lord Plutt say, “The reward you promised?”

She glanced over her shoulder in time to see the bag of coins dropped onto the floor in front of Lord Plutt’s seat.  

Ushar followed her silently all the way back to the small room she shared with Rose.  Her friend appeared as Rey hurriedly gathered her meager belongings and placed them in the satchel that Ushar had wordlessly held out to her.  Rose took in the scene and demanded, “What happened?”

Rey was nearly finished, “Plutt sold me.”

“Why?”

Rey shook her head, “Hell, if I know.”  She closed the satchel and turned to Rose, “I’ll miss you.”

Rose tossed her arms around Rey and pulled her close, her voice choked with tears, “I’ll miss you too.”

Rey could feel her own tears trying to gather and let go of her friend.  She wasn’t about to let Ushar or any of his companions see her weep.  Turning away from Rose, she held her head high and told the knight, “Lead the way.”

When they reached the courtyard, she found that all the knights, save the one with the skull mask and Ushar were already mounted on their horses.  Ushar climbed onto his horse, and skull mask drew near Rey.  “Do you know how to ride?”

She shook her head, “Not well.”

“Follow me.”

He led her to a horse, and before she knew what was happening, he’d lifted her up onto the saddle.  Then, he climbed up behind her and took hold of the reigns.  She grasped the saddle with her fingers as tightly as she could manage as the knights spurred their horses to leave Castle Jakku.

***

It took seven days to reach Castle Silence at the edge of the Mustafar Mountains. During the entire trip, the knights were silent. They offered no explanation of why Lord Plutt had sold her to them. She tried to ask questions but received no reply.

When they neared Castle Silence, she couldn’t help but feel awestruck.  It was terrifyingly beautiful.  Jagged peaks covered with snow rose high above the imposing castle’s towers.  It was far colder than Rey was prepared for.  Castle Jakku had been located on the edge of the desert, and though the nights were chilly, she’d never felt cold like this in her life.  

The horses came to a stop in front of the castle, and she was placed on the ground.  Rey glanced around her surroundings, and her eyes landed on the tiny, wrinkled old woman who was headed toward them from the door.  She made her way to Rey and after, after looking her up and down for a few moments, said, “Come along, dear.  We must get you ready.”

Rey followed the woman into the castle and asked, “Ready for what?”

“Your wedding, of course.”

Rey froze, “My what?”

The old woman turned back and caught hold of Rey’s hand.  Gently, she tugged her forward, “Your wedding.  Don’t worry, Lord Ren isn’t much for pomp and circumstance.  But a bride should still look like a bride.”

Rey didn’t know how to respond to that.  She wanted to break away, run from the castle, from all of this madness, but after seven days in the company of the knights, she knew her escape would be over before it even began.

The old woman opened the door to the most luxurious room Rey had ever seen.  There was an immense bed covered with bedding and pillows that looked so soft that she fought the urge to run to it and throw herself upon it.  Sunshine poured in through large windows that lined the wall.

“This will be your room, though Lord Ren will likely have you spend your nights with him,” the old woman told her.

Rey’s wonder at the room dissipated as she took in what had been said.  “Lord Ren will what?”

“Heavens, dear, did you think your husband wouldn’t want you to share his bed?”

And that was the thing that was finally too much.  Rey began to tremble, and her voice grew hoarse, “I don’t…I don’t know what’s happening.”

The woman led Rey to a plush chair and had her sit in it. She studied Rey for a few moments and then asked, “Did they tell you anything?”

Rey shook her head, “Skull Face asked me some questions about myself, and I know they gave Lord Plutt money for me.  But they wouldn’t tell me anything.”

The old woman laughed gently, “Skull Face’s name is Ap’lek.  Though, I would dearly love to see you call him Skull Face.”  She patted Rey’s hand, “What’s your name, dear?”

“Rey.”

“I’m Maz.”  She added, “I’m sorry they gave you no warning of what to expect.  I should’ve known.”

Rey chewed at her lip, “Can you tell me anything?  Why does Lord Ren want to marry me?  I’m nobody.”

Maz gazed at her shrewdly, “I don’t know who you are, but I know you’re not nobody.  I wish I could tell you who you are, but that is something only Lord Ren knows.  As to why he wants to marry you, I’m afraid I don’t know that either.  What I do know is that he has been searching for you for years.”

“But why?” Rey pressed.

Maz shook her head, “I don’t know.  Truly, I don’t.  That is another question that only Lord Ren will be able to answer.”

Rey wanted to cry in frustration.  The few answers Maz had provided had given her little to work with.  Apparently, Lord Ren was the only one who would be able to give her any satisfactory explanations, and she wasn’t sure that he was likely to do so.

“Now, let’s get you fed and ready.  Lord Ren is waiting.”

***

Once dressed, Maz escorted Rey to the castle’s small chapel.  As they walked, Rey tugged anxiously at the lace sleeves of her white dress.  Her mind swirled with the few things she knew about Lord Ren.  All she'd heard were stories, and not a single one had her convinced that she was in for anything other than a life of continued misery.  The only thing that was consistent in all the stories was the mask.  He never took it off.  The general consensus was that he must be terribly disfigured.  Why else constantly hide his face from the entire world?  

They reached the chapel, and she froze.  Standing at the entrance was a tall figure dre ssed in all black.  Immense was the only word she could think of as she took in his height and broad chest.  His large hands were covered by thick leather gloves, and he was wearing a black mask with harsh silver lines that completely covered his face and head.  This was the creature she was being forced to marry.  Considering how completely hidden he was from her, she couldn’t even think of him as a man.  He stepped forward, offering his arm.

Several seconds passed as she stared at him.  He waited, completely silent.  From beside her, she heard Maz's soft voice, "Go ahead, dear."  Gingerly, she took hold.  He led her into the chapel, moving at a pace that, given how tall he was, was far slower than she’d anticipated.  They stopped in front of the priest who stood waiting for them.

A week earlier, he had been little more than a story.  A week earlier, she had been nothing more than a servant.

“Do you take this woman to be your wife?  Do you promise to love, honor, and cherish her?  Staying with her through sickness and health, through better or worse, richer or poorer, for as long as you both shall live?”

“I do.”

She jolted hearing his voice.  It was so strange.  It was the voice of a human, but it had an odd, almost metallic edge to it.  

The priest turned his attention to Rey, “Do you take this man to be your husband?  Do you promise to love, honor, and cherish him?  Staying with him through sickness and health, through better or worse, richer or poorer, for as long as you both shall live?”

She studied the figure beside her.  She couldn’t promise any of that, but the alternative would likely involve the magic sword she’d heard of.  Maybe a quick death would be the preferable option.  

You won’t be harmed.  You will be safe.

She blinked.  A voice, eerily similar to the one she’d heard a minute earlier, sans metallic edge, sounded loudly in her mind.  The creature beside her made no movement, no indication that he’d been responsible for what she’d heard, and yet she knew that somehow he had been.  She inhaled deeply and sealed her fate, “I do.”

“You are man and wife.  Remember the vows you have made here today and live in peace.”

With that, the ceremony was over.  When they stepped out of the chapel Maz was nowhere to be seen.  Rey’s new husband silently walked her back to her room and left her there without a single word.

***

Night fell.  She wore a simple nightgown and paced the room anxiously.  Uncertainty filled her.  What would her husband expect?  She’d heard horrifying tales from the other servants at Lord Plutt’s.  Stories of husbands doing things that sounded cruel and terrifying.  And those servants had known their husbands, or at least they’d known them better than Rey knew hers.  

She didn’t even know what her husband actually looked like. 

It grew late, and weariness filled her.  Her husband had yet to make an appearance, and she wondered if he intended to stay away.  It would be a relief if he did.  She went to the bed, pulled the curtains to shut out the light, and curled up under the covers.  Sleep soon stole over her.

When she woke the next morning, she was still alone in the bed.

Chapter Text

A week passed.  Lord Ren did not come to her bed at night.  He didn’t summon her during the day.  She was torn between confusion and relief.  

Another week passed.  She decided that Castle Silence was well-named.  Unlike Castle Jakku where there was constant noise day and night, there was barely any noise at Castle Silence.  It was a little unsettling.  

For the first time in her life, she was bored.  Her entire life had been filled with constant work.  There was no work for her in her new life, and she was hesitant to explore the place she now lived.  Maz had told her that Lord Ren had said Rey could go anywhere in the castle except for the fourth-floor tower.  He’d also set spells on the doors to keep Rey from going outside.  She was effectively imprisoned.  A luxurious prison, to be sure, but a prison all the same.

She asked Maz to give her something to do.  A chore, a task, really anything that would stave off the mind-numbing boredom.  “I’m going to lose my mind at this rate,” she confided to the woman.  “Let me scrub something, fix something, do something.  Please!”

Maz considered the request, “Lord Ren will have my head if I let you do anything like that.  Though, I suppose he wouldn’t mind something like sewing or knitting.”

Rey grinned, “I’ve always wanted to learn to knit.”

Later that day, Maz appeared with yarn and knitting needles.  Rey picked up the basics quickly, and for a few days, the new skill proved to be a pleasant distraction.  But, as she entered the third week, her boredom and loneliness surged.  Maz was an excellent company, but she had plenty of work to do, which kept her from being Rey’s constant companion.

Halfway through the third week, she began struggling to sleep.  Every night she would go to bed and lay in the dark, desperately trying to sleep.  Most nights, she didn’t sleep at all, and when her body grew too exhausted, she’d manage an hour or two.

The lack of sleep combined with everything else to make her completely miserable.  Finally, exactly a month after her arrival at Castle Silence, she ventured out of her room to explore the castle.

It happened like this.  The hour was late, and sleep had once again proven to be impossible.  She slipped out of bed, put on her slippers, and wrapped a heavy robe around herself.  A month in, and she still wasn’t used to how cold the place was.  Somehow, magic she suspected, her room managed to stay plenty warm, but she knew the rest of the castle was full of an icy chill.  

She moved silently through the halls.  There was no real goal in mind.  Maybe she’d try to find the kitchens.  She did feel a bit peckish.  The corridors were lit softly, though she couldn’t see anything that was providing the light.  More magic, she suspected.  Just how much magic did her husband have at his disposal?  Must be plenty, considering it seemed to be how most of the place functioned.

On the first floor, an orange light caught her eye.  It spilled out from an open doorway.  Curious, she was drawn toward it.  She reached the entrance and stepped inside, coming to a stop as her eyes beheld the wondrous sight before her.  

Shelves of books soared high above her.  Everywhere she looked, there were more.  The room was impossibly large, and she’d never seen so many books in her life.  Castle Jakku had a library, but Lord Plutt had used it to store his trophies.  The few books that had been in there had been shoved onto shelves no one ever bothered to look at.

Her eyes scanned the room.  It was the most beautiful place she’d ever seen.  Slowly, she walked toward the nearest shelf and almost reverently reached out to lightly touch the spines of a few of the books.  She moved along the shelves, fingers gently sliding from book to book.  

The orange light had come from the cheerful fire in the large fireplace along the back wall.  In front of it were a few comfortable-looking chairs and a couch.  Everything about the room was pleasant.  For the first time in her life, she felt genuine peace.  This was a safe, sacred space.  

“Do you read?”

She jumped and screamed, yanking her hand away from the books.  Spinning around, she readied to protect herself.  She was not prepared for the sight that met her eyes.

A tall man stood a few feet away from her.  His skin was pale, his hair dark, and he had the kindest eyes she had ever seen.  He wasn’t smiling, but he didn’t look displeased at seeing her.  She took in his simple black sweater, trousers, and boots and idly wondered if that was the only color anyone connected to the Knights of Ren wore.  To her everlasting wonderment, the wardrobe Lord Ren had provided her with was filled with every color imaginable.  She must be the exception to the rule.

“I apologize.  I did not mean to startle you,” the man said.  His voice was so deep and rich, she felt herself melt a little.

“I…No, um, it’s fine.  Sorry, I…I didn’t know anyone was in here.  I didn’t mean to intrude,” she apologized clumsily.

He waved away her apology, “It’s fine.  I didn’t know anyone else was awake.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” she explained.  Then she added, “I’m Rey, by the way.  Lord Ren’s wife.”  The words felt strange coming out of her mouth.

He nodded, “I’m Ben.”

She started to step toward the door, “Nice to meet you, Ben.  I’ll leave you to–”

“You don’t have to go,” he broke in.  “If you’re not comfortable, I can go somewhere else, but don’t leave on my account.”

She stopped moving and looked up at him, “You don’t need to leave.  I…”  She was about to make another excuse to leave, but she couldn’t do it.  After a month of loneliness and Maz as her only companion, she was desperate to spend time with another person.  “I…I’d like it if you stayed.”

He searched her face for a few seconds, but whatever he was looking for, she had no idea.  He nodded, “I’ll stay.”

“Good,” she grinned.  And she meant it.  There was something about this man that gave her a feeling of safety.  Maybe it was the library.  Maybe it was the late hour.  She had no idea.  But she knew she didn’t feel frightened or in danger with him like she so often did with other men.  “What was it you asked before?”

“Do you read?”

She chewed at her bottom lip, “Not really.  I mean, I know how…well, I know my letters, and I know how to read simple things.”  Her cheeks heated as she realized she was admitting just how uneducated she truly was, “Where I lived before.  It…it wasn’t something that I really got to do.”

“I see.”  He gazed down at her with curiosity, “Where did you live before?”

“Down south, nowhere special.”  Her brow furrowed, “If you don’t know…I guess that means you’re not one of the Knights of Ren?”

He hesitated a moment, then shook his head, “Not exactly.”

“Who are you?”

He shrugged, “Just a scholar.”

“Oh.”

He tilted his head, eyes still full of curiousity, “You sound surprised.”

Uncertainty filled her.  If he was a scholar, that meant he was educated.  Surely, someone like that wouldn’t want to keep talking to her.  She rocked on her heels a little anxiously, “I guess so.  I’ve never met a scholar before.”

There was a slight twitch to the corner of his mouth, “Well, now you have.”

“Why are you here?” she blurted out.  Quickly, she added, “I mean, this doesn’t seem like a place a scholar would come.”

He glanced around pointedly at the shelves, “It doesn’t?”

For the first time in over a month, she laughed.  It wasn’t much of a laugh, but his response was amusing and prompted the soft sound that escaped her.  His eyes were fixed on her again, and she said, “The stories I’ve heard about my husband…they…well, none of them would’ve led me to believe that he’d let a scholar into his house.”

Ben was silent for a few moments, then softly stated, “No, I suppose they wouldn’t.”

A breeze blew in from the door they stood near, and she shivered at the chill.  “I’m going to sit by the fire,” she told him.  “Feel free to work, I promise I won’t bother you.”

To her surprise, he followed her to the chairs and sat in the one opposite the one she had settled into.  He sat back in the chair, contemplative.  “May I ask you something?”

S he nodded, “Sure.”

“What do you think of your husband?”

Her eyes drifted away toward the fire.  She watched the flames dance cheerfully and sighed, “Honestly?  I don’t know what to think of him.”

“Why is that?”

She looked back at Ben, “I’ve only met him once, and he said all of two words to me.”

“I see.”  His hands clasped together and landed in his lap, “That must be difficult.”

“What do you mean?”

“Being married to a man you don’t know.  That can’t be easy.”

She looked back to the fire, and murmured, “No.  No, it’s not.”  Silence fell between them for several long moments, but then she straightened and looked at Ben, “Do you know him?  My husband, I mean.”

He nodded, “I do.”

“What’s he like?”

Ben didn’t immediately answer.  He seemed to be trying to figure out how best to reply.  Eventually, he said, “Your husband is a complicated man.  The stories you’ve heard, they’ve…they’ve likely all been at least a little bit true.  Though, stories often start as the truth and become exaggerated.”

That made sense, though it didn’t give her much to work with.  “Does he always wear the mask?  The stories say he’s never seen without it.”

Ben nodded, “Yes.  In that, the stories are correct.  No one has ever seen Lord Ren without the mask, and I doubt anyone ever will.”

“Why do you think he wears it?”

It was a long time before Ben answered.  His eyes grew fixed on something distant, something unseen, and when he did eventually answer, his reply was cryptic.  “We all wear masks, Rey.  Your husband’s is just easier to see.”

What an odd thing to say, she thought.  She yawned, and her entire body suddenly felt heavy and exhausted.  At least the chair was comfortable.  There was no way she was going to make it back to her room before falling asleep.

***

Ben watched her drift off.  Once he was convinced she was deeply asleep, he walked over to her and easily scooped her into his arms.  She sighed in her sleep as she nestled against him, but to his relief, she didn’t wake up.  He wasn’t sure how he’d explain without having to tell her many things that it was not yet time to let her know.

Through the silent halls, he carried her back to her room.  Inside, he placed her gently on the bed.  He removed her slippers and placed them on the floor but left her in her robe.  Pulling the covers over her, he stood for a few seconds, watching her sleep.  

It would be so easy to slip into her bed with her.  As her husband, he had the right to share the bed with his wife.  But she didn’t know he was the man she’d married.  Instead, he whispered, “Goodnight, sweetheart,” pulled the bed curtains closed, and left her alone.

Chapter Text

Rey woke confused.  She was almost positive she had not fallen asleep in her bed, and yet…

Sitting up, she saw she was wearing her robe which fit with her memory of leaving the room in the middle of the night, but she noticed her slippers had been removed.  Pulling back one of the bed curtain panels, she swung her feet over the side of the bed.  When she touched the floor, she bumped her slippers with her toes.

There was a light knock at the door.  She opened it to reveal Maz with a tray of breakfast food.  Rey took it from her, and Maz followed her to the window nook where Rey liked to eat her meals.  She sat for a moment but didn’t start eating.  Instead, she asked, “Who all lives here?”

“Here?”

“The castle,” Rey clarified.

“Ah,” Maz nodded.  She sat on the other end of the nook and thought for a moment, “Well, there’s you and Lord Ren…myself, of course…the cook, DJ…the knights…and the stablehand, Poe.”

Rey picked at the sweet roll on her plate, “What about the priest?”

Maz shook her head, “Lord Ren sent for him from Hoth.  It’s a small village a day’s ride away.”  A second later she added, “Oh, and of course, there’s Phasma.  The blacksmith.”

“And that’s it?”

“It is.”

Perplexed, Rey asked, “What about maids?  Who cleans this place?”

“That would be Lord Ren’s magic.  He doesn’t like having more people here than he absolutely has to,” Maz explained.  “and there aren’t that many who live here, so it doesn’t take much to keep this place clean.”

“He must be very powerful to use magic like that.”

“He is.”

Rey ate some of her roll, and asked, “That’s it?  No one else lives here?”

Maz studied her quizically, “That’s it.  Why?”

Rey considered the previous night.  Had she actually left the room or had it been a dream her exhausted brain had created?  That seemed far more likely, though that would mean Ben didn’t exist outside of her mind.  It was strange how that made her a little sad.  She decided it would be better not to mention a figment of her imagination and instead stated, “It’s such a large place, I just assumed more people would live and work here.”

“A reasonable assumption,” Maz acknowledged.  “It’s just the few of us.  Like I said, Lord Ren doesn’t like having many people around.”

Rey finished her breakfast, and when Maz reached for the tray, Rey shook her head.  “Would it be…possible for me to go with you when you go back to the kitchen?  I’d like to get...to get out of here and start familiarizing myself with this place.”

“Certainly, dear,” Maz told her.  

***

Despite Maz’s claims that others did live in the castle, Rey encountered none, not even the cook.  Eventually, Maz left her at the library.  Rey studied the room.  It was exactly how she remembered it from the middle of the night, but there was no sign of Ben.  After discovering that the library was real, she’d started to hope that maybe Ben had been too.

She sat in one of the chairs in front of the fire and considered the situation.  The only thing she knew for absolute certain was that she had been in the library the night before.  She didn’t know if Ben was real, nor did she know how she’d gotten back to her room.  If Ben was real, why wouldn’t Maz have mentioned him?  

After a bit, she got up from the chair and went to the shelves.  She pulled a book that had a brightly colored cover.  Flipping it open, she tried to read it, but she couldn’t make sense of the words.  She returned it to the shelf and tried another.  The same thing happened again.  She was horribly disappointed.  For years, she’d dreamed of having the opportunity to read books, and now that she had the time and the books, she couldn’t make sense of them.  

Wearily, she placed the book back on the shelf and left the library.  Back in the hall, the chill of the castle surrounded her, a nd she hurried back upstairs, seeking the warmth of her room.  

***

That night, sleep again proved impossible.  After a few hours, she donned her robe and slippers and headed down to the library. 

Ben wasn’t there.  

It really shouldn’t have been disappointing.  She knew that.  It was just…she’d liked talking to him.  He’d treated her so kindly, and at no point had he made her feel like he was looking down at her.  Nor had he acted as though he was thinking lascivious thoughts regarding her.  No man had ever treated her like that before.

“Can’t sleep?”

She broke out in a smile as she turned to see Ben standing a few feet away, the same as he had the night before.  “You’re here!”

He nodded, “As are you.  Hence, assuming about the sleep.”

She nodded, “You assume correctly.  Are you having trouble sleeping as well?”

He shook his head, “No, I prefer to be awake at night.  It’s quieter.  Easier to think.”

“Do you have much work to do tonight?” She asked, noticing the books he was carrying.

He shook his head, “Not too much.”

“Would you like some company?” she asked, hoping she wasn’t pushing for too much.

“Depends.”

“On?”

“The company.”

She suddenly felt strangely shy as she asked, “If the company is me?”

His mouth curved the tiniest bit, and he nodded, “In that case, I would like some company.”

She anticipated he would go to one of the tables in the room, but to her surprise, he went to the chairs they had sat in the previous evening.  For a bit, he sat reading, and she tried to watch the fire, but her gaze kept returning to him.  

He must have sensed her observation, for he closed the book and sat back, meeting her gaze.  She felt her cheeks grow warm and hoped that the firelight hid the red, which she was sure was there.  “Sorry,” she stated, glancing away.

“It’s fine.  Did you want to talk?”

She looked back at him, “Do you mind?  I don’t want to be a bother.”

“You’re not a bother,” he assured her.  “What would you like to talk about?”

“Are you real?”

His head tilted to the side, and his gaze turned quizzical, “Am I real?”

She nodded, “I was talking with Maz this morning, and she never mentioned you when she was telling me who lives here.”

“Not surprising,” he shrugged.  “As I said before, I like to work at night.  I tend to sleep through the day.”

She supposed that made sense, but still, “Why didn’t she remember you?”

“Maz is fairly old, and she doesn’t see me very often.  I doubt she remembers I exist most of the time.”

“But you do exist?  I’m not asleep?”

One corner of his mouth definitely lifted and he held out his hand, “I do, but if you need further convincing you’re welcome to touch me.”

Slowly, she stretched out her hand and lightly touched her fingertips to his.  For a moment, she actually anticipated that she would only be brushing against air, but when their skin made contact, she inhaled sharply.  He was solid.  For a few seconds, she stared at their fingers before she looked up and met his eyes.  “Satisfied?” he asked softly.

Wordlessly, she nodded, and after far too long, she realized she was still touching him.  Quickly, she drew her hand away.  She averted her gaze and asked, “How did I get back to my room last night?”

“You were quite tired, and I helped you get there.  Sleeping in the chair didn’t seem optimal.  You would’ve had a terrible crick in your neck when you woke.”

Something inside her abdomen grew warm at his words.  She looked back at him, “Thank you.  No one…no one’s ever…”  Her words trailed off as she realized what she was thinking wouldn't make much sense to someone like Ben.

“No one’s ever what?” he asked after a few seconds.

She stared down at her hands as she replied, “It was just thoughtful.  I’m not used to that.  Th-thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Nearly a minute passed before she heard him ask, “What did you do before you came here?”

“I was a servant.”  She watched the flames dance and mused, “I think I got here expecting that was why Lord Ren bought me.”

“What do you mean?”

She looked at him and was surprised to see his brow furrowed.  “I know Lord Plutt was given money by the knights for giving me over to them.  I just didn’t realize I was being bought as a wife and not a servant.”  Ben's face was so stormy she tried to calm him by adding, “It’s fine.  Not the first time I’ve been sold.  And whenever Lord Ren gets whatever it is he wants from this marriage, I wouldn’t be surprised if he sold me to someone else.”

“No,” Ben's voice was sharp, countenance still dark.

Perplexed, she asked, “No?”

“He didn’t buy you.”

Oh, to be someone who had never been sold as property.  She couldn’t imagine what that must be like.  “Ben, when money is exchanged for a person, there’s no other word for it.  I was put up for sale.  I don’t know why, but I was.”

He shook his head, “You were not bought.  He would never have bought a wife.”

The laugh that burst from her was harsh, “Well, I saw Lord Plutt receive money for providing me to the knights, so I’m afraid you’re wrong.  Lord Ren absolutely bought a wife.  For what reason, I have no idea, but the fact remains that I was sold to him.”

“There’s a difference between a reward for information and purchasing a person as property.”

“A reward?  What reward?”

It was his turn to avert his gaze.  For a long time, he said nothing.  Eventually, he cleared his throat and stated, “I know that your husband had promised a reward to anyone who could help locate you.”

She was baffled.  “Why?  How did he even know about me?”  Ben didn’t answer, and she knew she sounded slightly desperate as she pushed, “Do you know why he married me?”

“You’re asking things I cannot answer.”

“Cannot or will not?”

He sighed and shook his head, still not looking at her, “Rey…don’t ask me that.”

Frustration flooded her, “Why?”

Half a minute passed before he finally looked at her, “I promise I will tell you what I know, but it won’t be tonight, so please don’t continue to press me on this.”

“You swear you’ll tell me?”

He nodded, “I swear on my father’s grave.”

There was no lie in his eyes, and his words were too serious to question.  Her frustration began to slowly dissipate, “Okay.”

They sat in silence for a while, but then she looked at the walls full of books and suddenly found herself asking, “How do you read books?”

***

Ben watched his sleeping wife.  She’d drifted off a few minutes before while he was giving her the impromptu reading lesson.  He anticipated there would be plenty more of those in their future.  It had been a better way to end the evening than what had preceded it.

She thought he’d bought her.  It had never occurred to him that she’d view it that way.  It didn’t help matters that he’d refused to tell her why there had been a reward.  

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to.  In fact, he suspected that when he eventually would be able to tell her, the explanation would be met with hurt and fury.  He wouldn’t blame her if she felt that way.  He likely would if he were in her shoes.  But for the plan to have a chance of succeeding, she couldn’t know everything.  Not yet, at least.

As he had the night before, he left his chair and gathered her into his arms.  Heading toward her room, she shifted in his arms, and he heard a sleepy murmured, “Ben?”

“Yes?”

“Am I asleep?”

He smiled at the question and glanced down to see that her eyes weren’t even open.  “Yes, sweetheart, you’re asleep.”

“Mmkay,” she sighed and snuggled against him.  

In her room, he tucked her in, watched her for a few seconds more, then with a “Goodnight, sweetheart,” pulled the curtains shut and left her room.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Rey woke with a vague memory of Ben carrying her back to her room.  She very nearly wrote that off as being a dream, but the fact that she was certain Ben did exist made her hesitate.  Lying in bed, she remembered how it had felt being held in his arms.  He’d been so careful and she’d felt so safe.

She wouldn’t think about the fact that he clearly knew and refused to tell her what Lord Ren had been thinking and planning regarding her.  If she thought about that, it would likely drive her mad. 

There was a knock at the door, and she left the bed to answer it.  Maz stood there but didn’t have Rey’s breakfast like normal.  The old woman told her, “Lord Ren has requested that since you are now comfortable leaving your room, you take all your meals with him.”  Maz stepped into the room and said, “Once you’re dressed, I’ll take you to him.”

Rey couldn’t move.  She just stared at Maz, “He…he wants me…to…eat with him?”

Maz stepped into the room and gently took hold of Rey’s hand, “It will be alright.  Come, let’s find you something to wear.”

Still, despite Maz’s soft tug at her hand, Rey couldn’t make her feet move, “Why now?”

Maz looked at her curiously, “Why now?”

“We’ve been married a month, and he’s ignored me completely.  Why does he suddenly want this?”

“I think he’s wanted to give you time to adjust to life here.”  Maz smiled gently, “Don’t be afraid, dear, he’s not so bad as you might expect.  Now, it’s best not to keep him waiting.  Come along, time to get dressed.”

***

Half an hour later, Maz escorted her to the dining room.  Right before leaving, the old woman told her, “It will be fine.”

Rey sincerely doubted that.  Especially, as she entered the room and saw her husband for the first time since they got married.  Garbed in all black, with the mask firmly in place, he loomed large at the far end of the table.  His silence was intimidating.  She managed to find her voice, “Good morning.”

He spoke not a word in reply, simply held out a hand toward the opposite end of the table.  Rey saw that there was a place setting waiting for her.  She made herself move and take a seat in front of the plate of food.  Her eyes were fixed on her husband, though, and she noticed he had no food.  “Aren’t you going to eat?”

He shook his head and still said nothing.

“Are you going to talk to me at all?”

When he said nothing in reply, she looked down at the plate.  Her appetite had vanished.  What would he do if she just left?  She debated doing just that.  The thought of being watched like some kind of animal while she ate made her wildly uncomfortable.  She sat there nearly a minute, trying to convince herself to eat, but finally gave up.  Standing, she looked at her silent companion, “I seem to have lost my appetite.”  Without further word, she turned and left the dining room, fully convinced he would come after her and drag her back any moment.  

She ran back to her room, and once the door was shut behind her, she slumped against it.  Why had he insisted that she have her breakfast with him if he only intended to sit there, silently watching her?   Maz’s words from earlier came back to her.  It wasn’t just breakfast.  He wanted her to eat all her meals with him.  She couldn’t do it.  Absolutely could not.  If he wanted that, then he would need to at least be willing to converse with her.

A knock at her door pulled her from her thoughts.  She stood, and opened it to reveal Maz standing there with the plate of uneaten breakfast.  “Lord Ren thought your appetite might have returned.”

Grateful, Rey took the plate, “Thank you.”  

“You’re welcome,” Maz told her.  “I have to take care of some things.  Will you be alright?”

Rey nodded, “Yes.”

“Do you need me to come back to take you down to lunch?”

Rey sighed, “Must I go?  I can’t imagine I’ll fare much better at lunch than I did at breakfast.”

Maz nodded, “I’ll tell him you’re not up to meals the rest of today.  I’m sure he’ll understand.”

Rey chewed at her lip, “Will he be angry?”

“Unlikely.  Far more likely, he’ll simply be disappointed.”

Rey watched Maz head down the hallway, then shut the door and went to the window nook to eat her breakfast.  She hoped Maz was correct about Lord Ren not being mad, but she still held her breath until Maz brought her lunch later that day and assured her that he hadn’t been upset.  Rey wasn’t able to relax, though, because Maz added, “He expects you to try again tomorrow.”

***

That night, she didn’t even attempt going to bed.  She wanted to see Ben.  Needed to talk to him about her husband’s new found desire to watch her eat.  She went to the library and waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

She paced the room.  There was no guarantee that he’d show up, but she’d assumed that, given his penchant for being awake at night, he would be there.  “This is not the night to not be here,” she grumbled aloud to herself.  “I need you to be here, Ben.  I need to talk to you.”

“What about?”

Relief coursed through her as she turned and saw Ben.  She hadn’t heard him come in, but she didn’t care.  He was there.  She smiled, “I was starting to think you weren’t going to show up.”

He shook his head, “If I’d known you were waiting, I would’ve been here sooner.  What did you want to talk about?”

Unexpectedly, she felt incredibly foolish.  What would Ben think of her when she told him?  Likely, he’d find the whole thing incredibly silly.  She couldn’t tell him.  Ashamed of herself, she deflated a bit and shook her head, “It’s nothing.  I’m sorry, I…I…”  She gave up and headed for the door, “I’ll leave you to get your work done.”

She moved past him but a second later stopped when she heard him say, “Rey…Rey, stop.  Wait.”

Once she was looking at him, he asked again, “What did you want to talk about?”

She shook her head, “It’s noth–”

“Don’t say it’s nothing, because it’s clearly not.”

“You’ll probably think it is.”

He studied her briefly before saying, “I won’t.”

She bounced a little with anxiety as she stated, “You can’t know that for sure.”

H is gaze was soft as he replied simply, “I can.”  

As she stared up into his face, she realized he meant it.  He’d listen and wouldn’t be dismissive.  “It’s…” she inhaled and made herself continue, “It’s my husband.  He…he decided he wants to…to have meals together.”

“And you don’t want to?”

She walked toward the chairs as she replied, “Not if it’s going to be like breakfast was.”

They sat, and Ben asked, “What happened at breakfast?”

She toyed with the end of the braid draped over her shoulder, “He just sat there.” 

“Ah…and you didn’t like that, I take it.”

She cringed, “Would anybody?  I know the mask probably makes eating impossible, but he could’ve at least talked with me.  If we'd been talking, it probably wouldn’t have felt like I was on display.”

Ben considered that and offered, “Your husband isn’t known for being verbose.”

“Verbose?”

“Talkative.”

Rey sat back in the chair and continued to play with her braid, “He doesn’t need to be an amazing conversationalist, but it’d be nice if he’d at least say something.  Anything.”  She sighed, “I know he can speak; he just won’t for some reason.”

“Maybe he didn’t want to intimidate you,” he suggested.

“His voice is the least intimidating thing about him at this point.”

Ben didn’t say anything, but one side of his mouth curved, and his eyes crinkled the smallest bit in amusement.  Rey groaned, “How am I going to get through meals with him?”

“You could try talking to him.”

Rey rolled her eyes, “I’m serious, Ben.”

“So am I.”

She stared at him, slightly dumbfounded, “Are you actually suggesting that I not only sit there and eat but also hold a one-sided conversation, all while my husband just watches me silently?”

“I suppose,” he said sheepishly, “when you put it like that, it does sound a bit…”

“Uncomfortable?” she supplied.  He nodded, and she said, “I just wish he would tell me what he wants.”

“Sounds like he wants to have meals with you.”

She sighed, “I mean as a wife.  I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.  We haven’t even con–”  Her mouth snapped shut and she quickly looked away as she realized she had almost told Ben that her husband hadn’t even consummated their marriage.

To her relief, Ben had the decency not to press her on that.  In fact, for nearly a minute, he remained silent.  Rey shifted awkwardly in her chair, “I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t.”

She hazarded a glance at him.  She’d never been one to talk so freely, especially with someone she really didn’t know.  Why was she doing so with Ben?  

“Are you hungry?”

It took her a moment  to process the question.  “Um, a little.”

He stood, “Come with me.”  When she didn’t move,  he added, “Please?”

Standing, she stood and followed him out of the library and all the way to the kitchens.  Between the two of them, they located bread and cheese.  They sat at the table, and Rey found herself staring at the food.

“Is something wrong?”

Her head jerked up, and a nervous laugh escaped her, “Y-yes.  I…I was just thinking how I never would’ve dared to do this at Lord Plutt’s.”

Ben swallowed the bite he’d taken and asked, “Do what?”

“Sneak into the kitchens and get food.”

“We hardly snuck.”

She glanced around, “But the cook could come in at any moment.  We could get in trouble.”

The sound that came from Ben was suspiciously like a laugh.  She looked at him, “What?”

“You wouldn’t get in trouble.”

“But–”

He shook his head and held up a hand to cut her off, “Rey, you do realize that you are mistress of this place, don’t you?”

She heard the words, but they didn’t make sense, “What are you talking about?”

“Your husband is the lord and master of the place.  You can do whatever you want.  Go wherever you please.”

She shook her head, “I can’t.”

He ate some cheese and asked, “Why can’t you?”

“I can’t go to the fourth-floor tower.  And I haven’t been outside since the day I arrived.  Lord Ren placed spells on the doors so I can’t leave.”

“I see.”  Ben watched her for a few seconds, “Well, I’m sure he has a good reason for it.”

“I can’t imagine what that would be.”  She toyed with her bread, “Yet another question for the person who won’t talk to me.”

Chapter Text

After they finished eating, they returned to the library and Ben continued the reading lesson Rey had fallen asleep in the night before.  When she began to grow sleepy, she bid him goodnight, but not before asking, “Will you be here tomorrow night?”

He nodded, “I can be.”

“Good.  I’ll see you then.”

She returned to her room and slept deeply.  When she woke the next morning, she had a plan.  She bathed and put on the dress she felt most comfortable in.  Maz came to fetch her, and a few minutes later, Rey found herself standing alone outside the dining room.  Taking one deep breath and then another, she steeled herself and opened the door.  

Everything was the way it had been the morning before.  Her husband stood silently at the far end of the table and made no reply when Rey greeted him cheerfully, “Good morning!”

Rather than sitting in the place that had been set for her, she spent a minute collecting things and moving them down to the place to the right of where her husband sat.  Once she had arranged everything, she slipped onto the chair and looked at her husband, willing her voice and face not to betray how anxious she was.  She really had no idea how he was going to react to what she was doing.  The entire time, Lord Ren had sat silently, but she’d noticed his head turned to follow her every movement.  Brightly, she chirped, “Much better.”

Ben’s advice of talking to her husband had been at the forefront of her mind. She ate a mouthful of eggs and looked at the silent figure—a captive audience. “If we’re going to do this every meal, then I have a few things to say.” 

She took a drink and said, “I don’t like feeling like I’m some kind of animal in a cage.  Don’t misunderstand me, I appreciate the things you’ve provided for me.  I do.  But…I don’t know what it is you want from me or why you married me.  I…I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing.”

He remained quiet while she ate some more of her breakfast, and then she told him, “I’m not sure why you won’t talk to me.  You don’t have to, but it is making all of this significantly more difficult.”

She couldn’t think of anything else to say and dropped her gaze to her plate.  It didn’t take long to finish her food, and she could feel him watching her the entire time.  Once done, she stood from the chair and said, “Um…well…I guess I’ll see you at lunch.”

At the door, she stopped and turned back for a moment hoping he would say something.  Anything.  But he didn’t, so she left and returned to her room.

***

Returning to the dining room for lunch, she was surprised to see that her food was waiting for her in the spot she’d picked rather than at the end of the table opposite her husband. She sat in the waiting chair, looked at her husband, and greeted him, “Hi.”

He didn’t say anything but did nod his head in acknowledgment of her greeting.  It wasn’t much, as far as communication went, but it was a start.  As she ate, she tried to figure out something to say, but she couldn’t figure out what she could tell him that he might find even a little interesting.  So, she ate quickly and left the room with, “I’ll see you at dinner.”

Dinner turned out to be just like lunch. Again, she tried to think of something to say but was unable to do so. She ate as fast as was safe and was about to leave the table when, to her astonishment, her husband stood and held out his arm, speaking for the first time, “Walk with me.”

His voice sounded even more metallic than she remembered.  It took her a few seconds to get over the shock of hearing him speak to process what he had said.  Slowly, she rose from her chair and took hold of him.  

For nearly an hour, they silently walked through the halls.  She kept sneaking glances up at him.  He was just so damn big and broad, and his clothes only served to emphasize his massiveness.  Her head didn’t even fully reach his shoulder.  To her relief, he did seem to realize that if he took what were likely normal strides for him, she’d practically have to run to keep up.  

Eventually, he came to a stop at her room.  For a moment, panic flared inside her.  Had he brought her there with the intention of finally consummating their marriage?  The mere thought of it was terrifying, but as his wife, she knew she didn’t have much say in the matter.  Letting go, she opened the door and turned back, “Did…Were you wanting to…to come in?”

He shook his head.  She hoped he couldn’t read on her face the relief she felt.  “Okay, well, um, goodnight,” she stated as she shut the door between them.

She could’ve sworn that as the door shut he said, “Goodnight,” but it was so quick she really wasn’t certain.  

***

Ben was seated in front of the fireplace when she arrived.  The rush of happiness she felt upon seeing him stood out in stark contrast to the feelings of unease and fear she had when she saw her husband.  Ben’s head was bent over a book, but he looked up as soon he heard her say, “Hi!”

“Hello,” he replied, his voice rich and warm.  "How are you tonight, Lady Ren?”

She sank onto her chair and stared at him with confusion, “Lady Ren?”

He nodded, “It is your title.”

How strange.  He was right, but she hadn’t ever heard herself referred to by her new title.  She shook her head, “Please, just stick with Rey.  I’m no Lady.”

“Your husband might beg to differ.”

She shrugged, “Then he needs to speak up and say something.”

The now familiar lift to one corner of his mouth appeared, and Ben said, “Understood.  How are you tonight, Rey?”

Over the next few minutes, she relayed the events of the day, ending with, “Do you think he has some sort of injury?”

Ben’s brow furrowed, “I don’t think so.  Why do you ask?”

“It would explain the mask that never comes off and the reason he barely speaks.  Maybe there’s some kind of injury he’s trying to hide, and it makes speech difficult.”

“It’s a good theory,” Ben acknowledged.  “I suspect a theory is all it is, though.  Give him time.  Perhaps he’s just shy.”

“Lord Ren?  Shy?” She scoffed.  “That seems highly unlikely.”

“Well, you could always ask him.”

Rey gave him a very pointed look, “I’m many things, but I’m not insane.”  She leaned the side of her head against the back of the chair, still looking at Ben.  He watched her, patiently waiting for whatever it was she was going to say next.  “I wish he were as easy to talk to as you are,” the words were soft and out of her mouth before she realized it.  She bit her lip, immediately flooded with shame, “I…can we pretend I didn’t say that?”

“Say what?  I heard nothing,” he assured her.

She gave him a grateful smile and changed the subject, “Up for teaching me more about reading?”

He nodded, “As you wish.”

***

Later that night, long after Rey had left Ben and returned to her room, she sat in the window nook, looking out into the night.  She missed being able to go outside.  Why had Lord Ren locked her in the castle?  Was he worried she’d try to run away?  He didn’t need to be.  There was nowhere she could go.

She decided to bring it up at breakfast and ask if he’d be willing to accompany her outside so she could get some fresh air. As far as she knew, the worst that could happen was him denying her request. With that decided, she went to bed and soon drifted off.

While she slept, she had a strange dream.  In it, she was still sitting at the window in her room when she heard someone say, “Hello, Rey.”

Looking toward the voice, she found an unfamiliar woman standing a few feet from her.  She was older, though nowhere near as old as Maz.  The woman wore a long white gown with a silver belt encircling her waist, and her hair was in a long, elaborate braid.  

The woman moved a few steps closer and said, “Not all is as it appears.  Be patient with him.  Forgive and love him, if you can.”

Rey was confused, “Who?”

The woman answered, “My son.”

“Who’s your son?”

The woman smiled sadly as she cryptically replied, “Together, you are whole.  Only you can bring him back.”

Rey woke suddenly, still in her bed. She shivered as she replayed the dream. There had been something so incredibly real about it. She pulled back the bed curtain, but no one else was there. Closing the curtain, she lay back down, chiding herself for being so silly. It had just been a dream.

Only you can bring him back.

It had just been a dream…hadn’t it?

Chapter Text

Lord Kylo Ren waited for his wife to appear at breakfast the next morning.  She didn’t keep him waiting long.  When she entered the dining room, he was once again reminded of how appropriate her name was.  She really was like a ray of sunshine, brightening up everything around her.  Despite her obvious fear of him, he could tell she was making an effort to be pleasant.

Her light blue dress hugged her gently.  He noted that after a month of eating regularly, she was still incredibly thin, but at least her features weren’t so gaunt anymore.  No longer did she look half-starved and hollow.

Her chestnut hair was done up in three neat buns.  He’d noticed she favored the style more often than not.  He preferred it when she wore her hair down or in a simple braid, but he wasn’t about to waste the few words he had to bring it up. 

She sat beside him, “Good morning.”

He nodded in reply and watched her begin to eat.  Despite the fact he knew she was uncomfortable being observed like that, he couldn’t tear his eyes away.  Would that he could see her without the mask, but that wasn’t an option.

She ate her eggs, then picked up a slice of toast.  For a few seconds, he r eyes were fixed on it, but then she looked at him and said, “I have a request.”

He nodded and waited for her to continue.  She ate part of the piece of bread, then asked, “Is there any possibility you could take me outside?  It’s just…I haven’t had any fresh air since the day I arrived.  My windows don’t even open.”  She took a drink of juice and added, “If…if you’re worried I want to run away…you shouldn’t.  Even if I had somewhere to go, I know I wouldn’t get far.”

Her eyes dropped to her plate as she resumed eating, apparently having finished what she wanted to say.  He debated her request.  It was reasonable, and if things were different, he would immediately give her access to the outside, but it was tricky.  She had no idea how much danger she truly was in, and he wasn’t sure that taking her out of the castle was worth the risk.  

By the time she finished eating, he hadn’t made a decision and let her leave the room without giving her an answer.  

He spent the next few hours stalking the halls of the castle.  Going to all the entrances, testing the safety.  Shortly before lunch, he found the best option he could offer.  It wasn’t quite what she was asking for, but hopefully, it would be enough.

She ate her lunch silently, and when she finished, before she could leave, he did as he had the previous evening. He stood and offered her his arm.  He didn’t speak, though; he was saving his few words.

There was a little less anxiety in her touch as she took hold of him.  Maybe she was growing more comfortable around him?  It would certainly make the immediate future far easier if she were.  He led her through the hall and up the stairs to the third floor.  Coming to a stop in front of a set of doors, he concentrated on the magical barrier that lay behind them, and once satisfied it would hold, he opened the door and led her onto a small balcony.  

He focused on keeping the barrier whole and making sure it wasn’t too cold since he’d realized far too late that she was dressed a bit too lightly for the chill of the outdoors.  She started to let go of him, but his hand clamped down on hers, keeping her tethered to himself.  Wide-eyed, she looked up at him, and he simply shook his head.  She seemed to understand as she looked at where they were attached and nodded, “Okay.”

Her head lifted, and she looked out at the white-capped mountains.  He watched her breathe deeply, and a smile spread across her face.  A few minutes was all he could give her.  He led her back into the castle and closed the door.  Her smile had faltered a little, but she still looked at him and sweetly said, “Thank you.”

He summoned the few words at his disposal, “You’re welcome.  You must never go out there without me.”

Her brow furrowed, and he worried for a moment that she was going to push for a reason.  Something he would be unable to give her.  To his relief she just nodded and said, “Okay.”

Leaving her at her room, he returned to his tower.  Though he was incredibly powerful, the effort it had taken to protect both Rey and himself had been more than he had fully been prepared for.

***

Her husband had taken her outside.  Not for very long, but after breakfast, she’d been convinced he was going to refuse her request completely.  She would’ve liked to have been able to touch the ground rather than be on a balcony, but beggars couldn’t be choosers, and she’d gotten to breathe fresh air.  All in all, she was pleased.  

While she ate dinner, she became aware of something new.  She sensed a weariness in him, but she had no idea why.  In fact, she suspected it was just her imagination since he behaved the same as he always did.

After dinner, when he silently offered her his arm, she thought he might take her on another walk around the castle.  All he did was escort her to her room.  She started to go inside but stopped and turned back to see he was still standing there.  “I know I said it already, but…thank you…for earlier.  The balcony.  I…needed that.”  He gave her a small nod, and then she closed the door with, “Goodnight.”

No sooner was the door closed than she felt the pressing need to open it again.  She did, and what she saw gave her pause.

No one was there.

The door had only been closed two, maybe three, seconds.  Her husband’s long legs couldn’t have gotten him far enough from her room to have completely disappeared like that.  She stepped out into the hallway, glancing to her left and right.  It was completely empty.  She strained her ears, listening for his footfall, but heard nothing.  

Where was he?

She returned to her room and shut the door.  Her mind whirled.  It was likely he’d used magic to transport away from her room, but that didn’t explain the other mystery that she’d been fixated on since he’d taken her outside earlier.

Maybe Ben would be able to help her.

***

Ben didn’t come to the library.  She sat up all night, and he never made an appearance.  The night before, he’d told her he’d be there.  She knew he didn’t have to show up, but she couldn’t quiet the worry inside as she wearily trudged back to her room. 

When Maz came to get her for breakfast, Rey told her she was too tired.  She didn’t tell the old woman why, didn’t mention Ben’s absence.  Maz left, saying she’d let Lord Ren know Rey wouldn’t be joining him.

Rey slept until late in the afternoon.  She did go to dinner and found her husband waiting for her.  It was another silent meal, but when she finished, he took her on another long walk.  The weariness she’d thought she’d sensed the night before was gone, which she took as more proof that it had all been in her imagination.

He left her at her room, replying, “Goodnight” when she said the word to him.  She shut the door, waited two seconds, pulled it open again, and saw he had disappeared.  While he was certainly welcome to use his magic as he saw fit, it seemed strange to her to use it that way.  

She shut the door and hoped that Ben would be in the library that night.

***

He wasn’t there when she arrived.  She walked along the shelves, telling herself not to be disappointed.  There were plenty of reasons why he wasn’t there.  Maybe he was taking a break.  Maybe he’d grown tired of her constant presence at night.  Maybe he’d finished his work and left the castle.  If he had left without so much as a goodbye, well that would sting far more than she wanted to admit.

She ended up sitting in front of the fire.  It had been nearly an hour, and she knew she should probably call it a night.  If he wasn’t going to be there, she really shouldn’t stay up.  It was doubtful that Lord Ren would be pleased if she slept through two days.

She became mesmerized by the way the flames moved, which is likely why she didn’t notice him until he said, “Hello, Rey.”

Unexpected relief flooded her when she heard his voice.  She looked up to see him standing next to her chair.  She smiled as he sat and said, “Hi!  I’m glad to see you.”

The expression on his face was unreadable as he asked, “You are?”

“I am.”  She couldn’t quite meet his eyes as she admitted, “I was a little worried.”

His mouth curved, “Did you think I’d left without saying goodbye?”

She blinked in surprise, “No, I mean, um, well…”  She released a shaky breath, “I’ll admit the thought had crossed my mind.  But…I didn’t really think you had.  At least, I…I hoped not.”  After a moment, s he found herself asking, “Are you planning to leave?  Go somewhere else to continue whatever it is you’re working on?”

He shook his head, “No, I’m afraid you’re stuck with me for the foreseeable future.”

He looked so grim as he finished, she couldn’t stop the laugh, but tried to soften it by saying, “Good.  I’m glad.”

His face relaxed slightly, and he gazed at her with curiosity, “You’re glad?”

She nodded, “You’re my friend.  I’d miss spending time with you.”  Worried she’d overstepped, she quickly added, “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t be making assumptions like that.”

“Like what?”

Her gaze dropped to her hands in her lap, “That we’re friends.”

For a few seconds, there was silence, but then Ben said, “We are.”

She looked up to see his face completely relaxed and his eyes as warm and gentle as ever.  “Good.”

“Good,” he softly echoed.  “I’m sorry I wasn’t here last night.  I hope you didn’t wait too long.”

She wasn’t about to admit to just how long she had waited.  Instead, she lightly replied, “No, not that long.  Were you okay?”

He nodded, “I had put myself through something taxing earlier in the day.  It exhausted me more than I anticipated.”

“How do you feel now?” she asked with concern.

“Better,” he assured her.  “How have things been?”

“I got to go outside!  I asked if I could, and Lord Ren took me out yesterday.”  With a happy sigh, she added, “Getting fresh air was wonderful.”

“It appears you enjoyed it.”

Her smile grew, “I did.”

“Does this mean the meals have gone well?”

She considered that, “I think so.  He’s said a few words.”

“And listened to you, it sounds like.”

“Yes.”  She was quiet for a moment before saying, “There’s something strange going on.”

He quirked an eyebrow, “What makes you say that?”

“I know that Maz said that other people live here, but…” She realized she was wringing her hands, and she clasped them tightly together.  “Other than you, Maz, and my husband, I haven’t seen anyone.”

Restless, she stood and started pacing.  “It’s odd.  Even when I was outside, I didn’t even hear anyone else.  I know there are horses, but I didn’t hear them.”

She was wringing her hands again as she turned to face Ben, “How is that possible?”

He thought about the question, “This place is filled with magic.  Your husband can control it, but sometimes magic does things on its own.”

She returned to her chair and sank down on it, “I suppose that could be it.”  Her fingers ran across the rich fabric on the armrest, “I wonder if it’s difficult.”

“What?”

“Controlling magic.”

He leaned forward, “Is that something you would want to do?”

She laughed, “I can’t.”

“Why not?" The question was asked without a hint of levity.

Perplexed, she asked, “How would I even…?”

“You could learn.”

She scanned his face for a few seconds, “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

He nodded.  “Some people are able to learn.  I wouldn’t be surprised if you are one of them.”

“Even if I could, how would I learn?”  She shook her head, “Considering how little my husband speaks, I doubt he’d be able to teach me.”

“No, perhaps not,” Ben mused, “but I could.”

Chapter Text

Rey toyed with her breakfast.  Ben’s offer from the night before was forefront in her mind.  She wanted to accept.  Very nearly had.  But before she could, she had found herself saying, “I’m not sure my husband would approve.”

“All you can do is ask him,” had been Ben’s reply.

She looked up from her eggs and at her husband.  If she brought up Ben’s offer, that would mean telling Lord Ren she’d been spending her nights in the library with the scholar.  It was all perfectly innocent, but what if her husband didn’t see it that way?  And then she remembered the nights she’d fallen asleep in the library and the fact that Ben had carried her back to her room and put her to bed.  Lord Ren was likely not going to be thrilled about another man handling his wife like that, and she doubted he’d be willing to view it as completely innocent.  

Still, she really wanted to at least try to learn magic.  Maybe Ben was wrong, and she wouldn’t be able to do it, but she wanted to know for sure.  Her mind made up, she plunged forward, “I want to ask you something.”

Her husband nodded, but said nothing.  She took a deep breath, “You know Ben, the scholar?” Another nod, and she proceeded, “He’s offered to teach me magic.  And…and I would like to learn…if it’s alright with you.”

She wished his face wasn’t hidden by the mask.  If only she could see his eyes, see the way his face reacted to her words.  He didn’t say anything, but did nod.  She couldn’t help herself, she needed to make sure and asked, “I can?”  He nodded again, and she breathed a sigh of relief, “Thank you.”

***

She really wasn’t sure what to expect magic lessons to be like.  That said, if she’d had to make a guess, sitting on the floor, staring at the fire, would not have been it.  

Ben sat beside her, “Just breathe.  Watch the flames, and don’t think.”

She shot him a look, “That’s it?”

The corner of his mouth curved, “That’s it.”

“How is that going to help me learn to do magic?”

“You have to learn to quiet your mind,” he replied.

“Why?”

“Because it’s the only way to access and work with the magic.”

She looked back at the fire, “How long do I have to do this for?”

“Until it becomes as natural as breathing.”

In theory, it shouldn’t be difficult.  The problem was, her brain seemed to take the idea of don’t think as a challenge, and her thoughts were suddenly louder than ever.  She thought about the mysteries of the castle.  She wondered how Rose was doing.  Tried to figure out why her husband talked so little and refused to show his face.  Wondered if she’d ever get to touch the grass again.  

Nearly an hour passed before Ben stood and said, “Let’s take a break.”

She followed suit.  Her body felt stiff and uncomfortable, and she tried stretching to loosen up her limbs.  

“How did it go?” Ben asked.

She shook her head, “All I could do was think.  Maybe you’re wrong.  Maybe I can’t do this.”

He shook his head, “I really think you can.  Let’s get something to eat, and then we can try again.”

In the kitchen, she put on the kettle to make tea while Ben located bread and cheese.  While waiting for the water to boil, she watched him.  “Is this what it was like when you started learning?”

He placed the food on the table and looked at her, “Not exactly.  I was very young, and I don’t really remember much.  I know that meditating was a large part of it, though, and it seemed the best place to start.”

She found two mugs and set them on the cou nter.  “Who taught you?”

“Early on, it was both my mother and my uncle.  When I was ten, I was sent to live with my uncle.  He had a few other students, and my parents thought it would be a good thing for me.”  Ben’s voice was slightly bitter as he finished speaking.

“I take it, it wasn’t?”

He shook his head, “No.  Eventually, my uncle and I reached an impasse and I left.”

“And ended up here.”

“Yes.”

The water boiled, and Rey set about making the tea.  When finished, she joined Ben at the table.  “An impasse is a disagreement, correct?”

He nodded, “One that neither side is able to end.”

She ate a little before saying, “You don’t have to tell me, but what couldn’t you agree about?”

“My uncle had beliefs about certain pieces of knowledge that I didn’t agree with.  He refused to let me learn them because he considered them to be bad.”

“And were they?  Bad?”

Ben shook his head, “Knowledge is neither good nor bad, Rey.  It’s what people do with it that causes it to be labeled one or the other.”

She held the mug between her hands, letting them warm up, and said, “Why did he think they were bad?”

Ben sat back in his chair, considering the question.  “Because he had seen people use that knowledge to hurt others.”

“Is that why you’re a scholar?  Because you’re studying all those things he didn’t want you to?”

“Yes.”

“How did you end up here?”

Ben shook his head, “That is a story for another time.”  He shifted the conversation, “What were you thinking about earlier?”

She drank her tea and ate a few more bites before answering, “All kinds of things.  It was a little overwhelming.”

“I see.”

They finished eating a few minutes later, and Ben asked, “Ready to go back?”

She grimaced, “I’m not sure we’re going to get different results if we try the same thing again.”

He smiled slightly, “I have a few thoughts of things that might help.  Let’s go back and try one of them.”

Back in the library, Rey resumed her spot on the floor.  To her surprise, Ben sat in front rather than beside her.  “We’re just going to breathe,” he told her.  “Close your eyes, and I’ll guide you through it.”

“I have to be guided through breathing?”

He nodded, “For this kind, you do.  Now, shut your eyes.”

She thought it sounded incredibly silly but did as he’d instructed.  There were a few seconds of silence before she heard, “All I want you to do is listen to my voice and follow my instructions.  I’m going to have you inhale as I count to four, and then I want you to hold it for another count of four.  I’ll then do the same for the exhale.”

He started to count, and she did as he said.  At first, it felt incredibly awkward, but slowly, his voice became her sole focus.  It was so deep and warm it wrapped around her like a favorite blanket.  It lulled her, and when he eventually told her they were done, she felt as though she’d been shaken awake from a nap.

“How was that?” He asked as he stood and held out his hand to help her up from the floor.

“You almost put me to sleep,” she laughed.

“Were your thoughts still as loud?”

It was a little surprising to realize, “No.  I…I guess I was so focused on your voice I didn’t think about anything else.”

“That’s good.”

She yawned, “I think I may head to bed.”

He nodded, “I’ll make sure you get back to your room.”

They left the library together, and it wasn’t until they reached her room that she realized she’d never let go of Ben’s hand after he helped her off the floor.  Quickly, she let go with a mumbled, “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he assured her.

She glanced up to see he was watching her with a look of fondness.  She didn’t want to say goodnight, and for a moment, she wondered if he felt the same.  His head lowered a little, and he continued to hold her gaze.  She didn’t know why, but suddenly, it wasn’t as easy to breathe, and something deep inside felt very warm and fluttery.  

“Goodnight, Rey,” he said, voice low and husky.

She blinked and her voice came out a little too breathy as she replied, “Goodnight, Ben.”  Hurriedly, she opened the door and stepped inside before she grew tempted to do something foolish like ask him not to leave.

***

Ben stared at the closed door for a long time before slowly turning and walking down the hall.  Every step put more distance between him and his wife.  It was for the best.  At least, that’s what he tried to tell himself.  

But…

He’d wanted to kiss her.  He very nearly had.

And if he’d leaned down just a little more, would she have let him?

Chapter Text

“Clear your mind, Rey.”

She was exhausted.  A month of lessons and she still couldn’t quite get her thoughts to shut up.  Her eyes flew open in frustration, and she hurriedly rose to her feet.  “If you say that one more time, I’m going to scream,” she seethed as she stomped toward the library entrance.

Ben’s long legs had him beside her within moments.  “What’s wrong?”

She kept on right out of the library, headed in no particular direction.  Anger and irritation swirled inside and all she knew was that she couldn’t keep on sitting there trying to do something that was impossible.  Her teeth were clenched, and in her rage-fueled state, she didn’t pay much attention to her surroundings.  Just tore down one hallway and then another, climbing and descending staircases, trying to burn off the anger or tire herself out to the point that she just couldn’t care anymore.

The entire time, Ben kept pace with her.  He didn’t say anything but didn’t leave her alone either.  His presence proved to be a bad thing because it only reminded her of the other thing that was adding to her frustration.

Every day, she ate her meals in front of her silent husband.  The masked creature who rarely spoke, and when he did, it was typically only a word or two.  A month of that was nearly as miserable as the month previous when he’d completely ignored her.  She’d spent the last week wanting to scream at him Just talk to me, damn it.  

She knew she shouldn’t complain.  He’d provided her with every material thing she could possibly need or want.  Hadn’t forced himself upon her.  Let her spend every night with Ben and hadn’t given her any trouble about it.  Granted, the nights were all spent in the library, and nothing beyond lessons had happened, but either her husband trusted them an incredible amount, or he simply didn’t care.  She suspected it might be the latter, and that bothered her.  Made her feel even more certain that he really had bought her with no more thought than he would've given purchasing another book for the library.  She was just a possession, and she hated it.

Ben was a problem, or rather her feelings regarding Ben were a problem.  Because every time that he would lean down just a little too close, she’d wish a little more that he’d close the distance and kiss her.  She suspected that he wanted to, but was holding back because they both knew she was married.

A few nights before, she’d drifted off during lessons, and when she woke up, Ben was tucking her into bed.  She’d barely been able to keep her eyes open and had mumbled a sleepy “G’night.”

His hand had been on the bed curtain, but he’d paused in the process of pulling it closed.  With his free hand, he’d reached down, tucked a loose curl behind her ear, and murmured, “Goodnight, sweetheart.  Go to sleep.”  His fingers had lingered a few seconds before he pulled his hand away and closed the curtain.

He’d called her sweetheart.   As his footsteps had receded, she had almost called out to beg him not to leave.  To stay with her.  Spend the night holding her.  Because, as she heard her room door close the truth crashed into her with the violence of the sandstorms that used to slam into Castle Jakku.

She was in love with Ben.  Hopelessly, irrevocably in love.  Oh, how she wished they’d met before Lord Ren’s men had come for her and she’d been sold into a loveless, lonely marriage.  

At the end of one hallway on the third floor, large windows looked out on the lands below.  She came to a stop and leaned her forehead against the glass.  The cold was soothing against her aching head.   She wanted to clutch at her chest as her heart felt like someone was slowly carving it to tiny pieces with a dull blade.

“Rey?” Ben’s voice was pitched low and so near she didn’t have to look up to know he was right next to her.

She had reached her breaking point.  “Leave me the hell alone,” she growled.

She heard the sharp intake of breath at her words, but Ben’s voice was still incredibly kind as he said, “It’s okay.  Learning magic isn’t something that happens quickly.  You just need a break.  We’ll take a few days–”

She raised her head and glared at him, “No.”

“What’s wrong?”

She pushed away from the window and shook her head, the pain taking over, “Please, Ben, just…I…I can’t.”

His brow furrowed, “Whatever it is, let me help.  Tell me what you–”

Worried that she’d break down and tell him the truth, she turned and ran before he could finish speaking.  Her feet pounded against the stone floor and she ran as hard and as fast as she could until she was safely in her room with the lock thrown.

She didn’t change into her nightgown.  Just collapsed on the bed, and for the first time in years, tears poured out of her.  Early on in her life at Castle Jakku, she’d learned to hold the tears back.  Tears would only earn cruelty and beatings.  Now, though, she couldn’t hold them back any longer.  

She wept great choking sobs.  Years and years of tears poured out of her.  At some point, she must’ve cried herself to sleep because she began to dream.

Strong, familiar arms encircled her and pulled her back against a broad, warm chest. She could smell the familiar ink and parchment scent mixed with the strong spiced black tea that he drank frequently. In her dream, she was still crying, and as she felt him nuzzle against her hair, she whimpered, “Ben?”

“I’m here, sweetheart.”

That only made her cry harder.  

“Tell me what’s wrong."

She clutched at the strong arms that held her so securely, “Don’t leave me.  Please.  I…I didn’t mean it.  Don’t leave…me…alone with…him.”

He moved her so she rolled over and faced him.  He pressed his lips to her forehead, saying, “Never, sweetheart. Never.”

She took hold of his sweater and buried her face in the crook of his neck.  She continued to cry, “Please.  I can’t.  Don’t go.”

“I won’t,” came the tender words.

She kept crying, kept repeating, "Please.  Please don't leave me."  Ben continued with his soothing reassurances.  She clung to him until she suddenly jolted awake and found that she was heartbreakingly alone.  

***

Ben sat up in his bed, breathing hard.  The dream was shockingly clear in his mind.  Slowly, his fingers went to the spot where her head had been nestled against him.  The fabric of his shirt was damp.  

It hadn't been a dream.

He tore out of bed with one goal in mind.  He needed to get to his wife. 

Right as he took hold of the door to his room, he noticed the first streaks of dawn illuminate his surroundings.  He sagged in frustration.  It was too late.  He’d have to wait.

Chapter Text

Rey didn’t want to go to breakfast.  Didn’t want to see her husband and be reminded of what she couldn’t have because he owned her.  The dream was still so incredibly clear in her mind, and as she sat in front of her plate, her eyes were fixed on the black fabric that covered Lord Ren’s arms.  It was doubtful that his arms would ever hold her the way she’d dreamt Ben’s had.

Not for the first time did she wonder what was under the mask and the black fabric.  Was her husband just horribly disfigured, or was there something else?  Was he even human?  For all she knew, he might very well be a creature or even a demon.  Over the years, she’d heard plenty of stories of such beings and the human brides they took.  But, Lord Ren hadn’t done to her any of the things she’d heard of happening to those other brides.

Lord Ren wasn’t a story.  Whatever he was, he was real, and she was stuck with him.  

For as long as we both shall live.   

With her luck, her husband would outlive her by decades.  

***

Rey grew anxious the later it got.  She debated whether or not she should go to the library.  She wanted to see Ben, but maybe it would be better to leave him alone.  It was very possible he would be upset after the way their time had ended the evening before.  She wouldn’t blame him if he were.  She had been rude, to say the least.

Night fell, and though she longed to go to the library, she continued to hesitate.  The worry of Ben being upset had grown into something even bigger.  She was afraid.  Afraid the kindness would be gone from his eyes.  Afraid the warmth would be gone from his voice.  And most of, afraid that he wouldn’t want to see her at all anymore.

A light knock sounded at her door, accompanied by, “Rey?”

She slowly got to her feet and made her way across the room.  Ben was on the other side of her door.  He had come to her.  Taking a deep breath, she reached, grasped the doorknob, and opened the door.

His hair was a bit disheveled, and his eyes were tired.  But, to her relief, the kindness was still there.  To her surprise, he reached out and rested his hand against her cheek as he asked, “Are you okay?”

She closed her eyes and rested against his palm.  “I don’t know,” she admitted.  Her eyes opened again after a few moments, “I’m sorry about last night.”

“I know.”

She couldn’t look away from him.  He was so close, and the memory of how he’d held her in the dream came surging back.  She could’ve stopped herself, but she didn’t want to.  Leaning forward, she rested her head against his chest as her arms slipped around his torso.  

For a moment, he didn’t react, and she worried that she’d overstepped, but then he wrapped his arms around her and held her as tenderly as he had in her dream.  She relaxed in the embrace and refused to let herself think about all the reasons she shouldn’t.  “Ben?”

“Hmm?” drifted down to her ears from where he rested his cheek against the side of her head.

“Stay with me tonight?”

He lifted his head, and she heard, “Rey?  Look at me.”  She did as requested, and his eyes searched her face for several seconds before he asked, “Is that really what you want?”

Tomorrow, she might regret it, but she really doubted she would.  She nodded, “Yes.  You…you don’t have to do anything but hold me.  Please?”

He didn’t immediately respond, and she worried she’d asked for too much.  She sagged as she said, “I understand if you say no.  I’m probably putting you in a risk–”

Ben kissed her.

It caught her so off-guard it took her a moment to realize what was happening.  One arm continued to hold her against himself while the other moved so his hand was holding her face, palm along her jaw, and thumb on her cheek.  His lips were soft and full against hers.  

The kiss broke long before she was ready for it to, and he leaned his forehead against hers, “I can’t stay the whole night, but I’ll stay as long as I can.”

She disentangled from their embrace, caught his hand, pulled him back into her room, and shut the door.  And then she froze as she realized she had no idea what she was doing or what she should do next.

“What’s wrong?”

She looked up to see Ben watching her, a little worry present in his eyes.  She chewed at her bottom lip, “I…didn’t think things through this far.”

He considered that and offered, “If you’re uncomfortable, I can leave.”

She held onto his hand a little tighter and vehemently shook her head, “No!  Please don’t go.”

He nodded, “I won’t.”  His eyes shifted from her to look around the room.  He gently tugged at her to follow as he walked toward the window, “Let’s just sit for a bit.”

At the window nook, he took a seat, then pulled her onto his lap.  His arms wrapped around her, holding her against his chest, and she rested her head in the crook of his neck.  She felt his lips brush against her forehead before he asked, “Do you want to talk about last night?”

Her fingers idly toyed with the fabric of his sweater as she debated what to say.  “These last couple months…they’ve…they’ve been difficult.”  She sighed, “I’m trapped here.  I only ever see Maz, my husband, and you.  I have nothing to do, and I still don’t know why Lord Ren married me.”

Ben’s hand ran up and down her upper arm comfortingly.  “I’m sorry,” he told her softly. I wish things could be different.”

“I do, too,” she replied.  Inside, she ached, wishing even more that she’d met Ben before finding herself married to Lord Ren.  Of course, that only reminded her of what she was trying hard not to think about.  She was a married woman who had invited a man, who wasn't her husband, to her bedroom.  Should it matter?  After all, her husband certainly hadn’t shown any interest in spending time with her the way Ben currently was.  

But, she had made a vow, in front of a priest, to love, honor, and cherish her husband.  What she was doing certainly didn’t qualify as love or honor toward her husband.  Miserably, she forced herself to sit up and leave Ben’s lap and arms.  

“What’s wrong?” he asked as she stepped away.

She shook her head, “I shouldn’t have asked you in here.  I…I’m not making great choices right now.  I’m sorry, Ben.  You need to go.”

Slowly, he stood and stepped close, “If that’s what you want.”

She couldn’t keep looking at him.  Her eyes dropped to the floor as she stated, “It’s for the best.”

His fingers lifted her chin, so she had to look at him again.  “Sweetheart, is that really what you want?”

We both know it’s not was what she wanted to say, but she could only manage to choke out, “Please, Ben.  I…I need you…to go.”

His hands came up and cradled her face for a few seconds as he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss against her lips.  When the kiss broke, he dropped his hands, “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

Rey managed to hold back her tears until Ben had left the room.  How she had any left after the previous night was a mystery.  

***

The next few days, she avoided the library.  When she slept, though, Ben was always there.  Always holding her.  And always gone as soon as she woke up.

Four nights passed before she decided she missed him too much.  She knew she was probably damning herself.  Once night fell, she left her room, hoping he’d be in the library and she wouldn’t have to go on a search.  To her disappointment, he wasn’t there.  It was possible she was just early, so she headed for the kitchen, intending to make some tea.

The water in the kettle had just started to boil when she heard, “You’re here.”

Relief coursed through her at the sound of his voice.  She looked up from where she had been absentmindedly staring at the counter, and without thinking, she dashed across the space between them and threw herself against him.

He didn’t even hesitate; just pulled her close and held her tight.  She inhaled deeply.  He smelled every bit as good and familiar as she remembered.  This is what home smells like.   Later, she would let herself try to figure out where that particular thought had come from.  For now, she was just going to let herself enjoy being held.

The kettle whistled, breaking the moment, and she quickly untangled herself and went to take care of it.  “Would you like some tea?” she asked.

“Yes.  Thank you.”

There was quiet between them while she put the tea together and brought the cups to the table.  He sat at the end of the table, and she picked the seat on the other side of the corner so that they could sit next to each other but also easily see each other.  Ben reached for her, and she let him take hold and pull her close.  His lips were mere inches above hers, and his dark eyes held hers.  “If you tell me to stop, I will.”

In reply, her hands slipped up around his neck, anchoring her, and she closed the gap between them. 

It was as good as it had been a few nights earlier.  The kiss was a little hesitant, but mostly just incredibly gentle.  Ben sighed deeply as the kiss broke, and he told her, “I’ve spent the past few days wishing I could do that.”

She toyed with the hair at the base of his neck, “I missed you.”

He leaned forward and gave her another small, chaste kiss.  “I missed you, too.”  One of his hands moved up so he could move a few loose strands of hair behind her ear.  “Will you let me show you something?”

She had barely finished nodding when he rose to his feet, caught one of her hands with his, and helped her up from her seat.  Wordlessly, he hurried away from the kitchen with her in tow, leading her across the castle.  He stopped in front of a door she didn’t remember.  Something that surprised her, given how many walks she’d taken around the place.  She looked up at him, “What room is this?”

He flashed her that adorable, lopsided smile and stepped between her and the door.  “Close your eyes.”

She rolled her eyes, “Really?”

“Humor me.”

“Fine.”  Her eyes slid shut, and she asked, “Now what?”

She heard the door open and felt Ben step away from her.  Warmth touched her skin, and lovely, unfamiliar scents flooded her.  She heard Ben say, “You can open them.”

At first, she had to rapidly blink until her eyes adjusted to the brightness.  For a moment, as she took in what lay beyond the door, she thought he had led her outside.  Then she noticed the walls and windows.  It was a large room filled with a beautiful garden made up of brilliantly colored flowers and lit with a light that mimicked the sun perfectly.

Ben stepped forward and held out his hand, “Want to come in?”

She took hold of him and crossed the threshold.  It felt like she walked into what she’d always imagined the perfect late spring day would feel like.  Speaking of what things felt like, she found herself slipping off her slippers so she could plant her feet in the grass.  She let out a bliss-filled sigh.  

“Do you like it?” Ben asked, almost sounding like he was genuinely concerned that she wouldn’t.

She laughed, “I love it.”  Looking around in wonder, she asked, “How is this possible?”

“I know you’ve missed being able to go outside.  I thought this might help.”

She looked up at him, astonished, “You did this?”

There was a dusting of pink on his cheeks as he nodded, “Yes.”

“You did this for me?”

“I did.”

She tried to blink away the tears that sprang to her eyes, but a few escaped.  Ben reached out and swiped away a few of them, as he told her, “This is yours.  You can come here whenever, and it will always be here for you.”  He took a deep breath and stepped closer, “I will always be here for you.”

“No one really talks like that,” she said with a watery laugh.

He shook his head, “I don’t care.  It’s the truth, and you need to know it.  No matter what, I will always be here for you.”

His eyes were so serious that she didn’t doubt him for a moment.  This man would move heaven and earth if that’s what it took to be there for her.  She reached up and let her fingers run lightly along his jaw.  He turned his head slightly and pressed a kiss against one of her fingertips.  She stared into his eyes and knew she had to tell him.  They might not be able to be together, but he should still know how she felt.   “I think I’m in love with you...and I don’t know what to do.”

Chapter Text

Rey’s words hung in the air between them.  Ben didn’t say or do anything for several seconds.  He just stood there, staring at her, not even blinking.  With every passing moment he remained like that, her confidence and courage shrank, and she became sure she’d misread everything.  She’d been so desperate for affection she’d let herself develop feelings that she should’ve known would never be reciprocated.  Her voice shook as she stepped back and said, “I…I’m sorry, Ben.  For…forget I said that.  Thank you for this…it…it’s beautiful.”  She turned away and intended to run to the door.

A hand caught her arm and halted her retreat, accompanied by a hoarse, “Wait.”

She turned back, and Ben looked at her with wide eyes. He drew her close and said, “Never apologize for your feelings.”

His words didn’t make her feel better.  She shook her head, “We both know I shouldn’t feel like this.”

“Why not?”

She blinked at him, slightly confused, “I’m married, Ben.”

He nodded, “I know.”

She chewed at her bottom lip, “I made a vow.  In front of a priest.”

“Ah.”  He hesitated momentarily before saying, “Maybe you’ll grow to love him.”

She slipped away from him and started to walk among the flowers.  Ben fell into step beside her.  For a while, they just walked in silence while she thought about his words.  Grow to love her husband?  How?  She didn’t even know him.  All she knew were the blood-soaked stories.  If even half of them were true, he wasn’t just a creature in a mask; he was a monster.  “I don’t think that’s possible.”

Ben was silent beside her for a long time before he said, “You don’t know that for sure.”

She knelt down and looked at a plant with small pink heart-shaped flowers hanging from it.  “No,” she admitted, “I don’t, but how could I ever love someone like him?  I don’t even know that he’s a man.  He’s just…just some creature in a mask.”

***

Some creature in a mask.   Well, she wasn’t wrong.  Kylo Ren was a creature.  Ben had lived with him long enough to know the truth of that.  He stared down at the woman looking at the Bleeding Heart.  She loved him, but that was only because she didn’t know the truth.  He wanted to tell her everything.  Wanted to reassure her that her worries about breaking her marriage vows were unfounded.  But he resisted doing so.  They were in a very delicate situation, and if he didn’t handle it as carefully as needed, he’d very well end up with her despising both Ren and himself.

She stood, took hold of his arm, and resumed their walk.  “I shouldn’t have said that.  Please,” she glanced up at him, “please don’t tell him I said that.”

“He won’t hear it from me,” Ben assured her.  Technically, it wasn’t a lie. 

Her entire body seemed to exhale in relief, “Thank you.”

A few minutes passed in silence as they continued to wander the garden.  He was pleased by how much she seemed to like it.  He’d spent the better part of the previous month creating it.  After he’d discovered just how taxing taking her outside truly was, he’d begun working on the room.  It was the better and safer option for both of them. 

They reached an open space, and Rey sank down onto the ground, pulling him down with her.  He watched as her fingers gently touched the blades of grass.  “Is this real?” she asked.

“The grass?”

She nodded, “That and the flowers and all of it.  Is this just some illusion made of magic?”

He smiled a little, “I used magic to turn this room into what it is now, but the plants, the dirt, all of that is real.”

“It’s wonderful,” she sighed happily.  “I really do love it.”

“I’m glad.”

Her eyes were fixed on his face, and her voice was serious when she spoke again.  “Ben, just because I…I feel like I do…I don’t expect…I mean, if you don’t feel…”  Her eyes dropped.

He reached out and caught one of her hands, “Rey, I…”

“It’s okay.  I understand,” she said softly, her words tinged with pain.

“No.  No, you don’t.  There’s so much you don’t know.”    He lifted his free hand and cupped her cheek, “I care about you, sweetheart.  More than I’ve ever cared about anyone else.”

Her free hand closed over the one on her face, and her eyes searched his, “Tell me, then.  Tell me the things I don’t know.”

***

“Have you heard of the Wizard Snoke?”

They were walking again, hand in hand this time.  Rey shook her head, “No.  Who are they?”

“Your husband’s old master.”

“Oh,” she really wasn’t sure what else to say.

“He’s the reason you got married.  Your husband needed to protect you, and it was the only way he knew how.”

Rey stopped moving, something that took Ben a moment to realize.  He came to a stop as well and looked down at her as she asked, “I need to be protected?  Why?”

“Snoke wants you.”

“Why?”

When Ben didn’t answer, she asked, “I’m nobody.  How does he even know about me?”

Ben’s brow furrowed, “Rey, how much of your life do you remember before Castle Jakku?”

Perplexed, she said, “Nothing.”

“Do you remember your parents?  Anything at all?” he pressed.

“No.  I don’t remember anything.”

She wondered why he was asking, but before she could say as much, he asked, “Would you like to?”

“Like to what?”

“Remember.”

***

After Ben made his offer, she didn't have much to say.  All she could do was think.  He seemed to believe that it might be possible to help her recover her early memories and she wasn't sure how to feel about that.  Did she want to remember?  What if there was something terrible that would destroy her if she remembered it?  They stayed in the garden a little longer, but then she began to yawn and he walked her back to her room.  

Standing outside the door, she looked down at where their hands were joined.  She couldn’t let go.  “Stay with me?” she asked softly, repeating her question from a few nights earlier.

“I can’t stay the whole night, but I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”

She opened the door, and he followed her inside.  As soon as the door was shut, she let him gather her into his arms and capture her lips with his.  Her eyes slid shut as she let herself melt into the kiss.  This was different from the few kisses they’d already shared.  Nearly all hesitancy was gone.  One of his hands slipped up to the base of her neck, cradling her head.  She held on to him tightly.  When they broke apart to catch their breath, she took hold of his hand and pulled him toward the bed.  

She slid under the blankets, and he laid down beside her.  He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close against his chest.  She mumbled sleepily, “G’night, Ben.”

The last thing she heard before she drifted off was, “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

Her dreams were not peaceful.  She watched in horror as her husband and his knights  slaughtered soldiers.  The cold efficiency they dispatched person after person with turned her stomach.  There was no humanity, just brutal violence.  Then the dream shifted, and she was standing on a bridge that stretched over a chasm between two mountains.

“Son!”

Her head whirled and she saw an older man walking toward her.  His hair was silver, and the closer he got, the more she could see the deep lines etched into his face.  He came to a stop a few feet away and said, “Son.”

“Your son is dead.”

Rey shivered at the familiar metallic voice.  Right behind her towered her husband.  

“He’s not.  I’m looking at him.  Your mother misses you.”

Lord Ren said nothing in response to that.  The older man stepped closer, “Take off the mask.  You don’t need it.  Come home.”

And still, her husband said nothing.

The man took one more step closer and reached out to touch Lord Ren’s arm, “Please.  Leave all this.  Whatever Snoke told you, it’s lies.  This is the truth.  Come home.”

With horror, Rey saw her husband pull his sword.  It was strange because she knew it had a blade, but all she saw was a hilt.  He held it between himself and the older man.  The man reached out and placed his hand on top of the hilt, “Let it go, son.”

It felt like an eternity before the metallic voice spoke, “I know what I have to do.”  The words sounded weirdly tight as he finished speaking.

The older man looked at her husband with such tenderness that she was momentarily reminded of Ben, which made no sense.  The man’s hand was still on the hilt as he gently said, “I’ll help you.”

A few beats passed, and for a moment, Rey thought everything would be okay.  But then the red, flaming blade appeared, impaling the older m an.  His eyes went wide with surprise, and Lord Ren pushed it hard against the man’s abdomen.  “Thank you,” the metallic voice almost rasped out.

And then the blade disappeared and the older man fell over the side of the bridge and disappeared into the chasm.  

That’s when the screaming started.  It took Rey a second to realize she wasn’t the only one the cries were coming from.  She watched in shock as her husband sank to his knees, clutching at his mask.  A horrible, metallic wail of pain sounded from him.  

She woke suddenly.  Clutching at her chest, she tried to calm her breathing.  Glancing around frantically, she realized that Ben wasn’t there.  She remembered him saying that he’d stay until she fell asleep.  She needed him.  Desperately.  Overwhelmingly.

That's when she felt the tug.  Something trying to pull her from the bed.  She scrambled out, her feet finding her slippers, and she realized she was still in her dress from the night before.  She’d never changed before going to bed.  Still, she felt a little chilled, and grabbed the wrap that she’d knitted.  Pulling it around herself, she headed for the door.

The tugging wouldn’t stop, and she followed it down the hall and up the stairs. It grew stronger and stronger and didn’t ease until she was standing at the door to the fourth-floor tower.

The one place in the castle she’d been told never to go.

She started to turn away, but the tugging grew so strong it almost plastered her against the door.  Her hand reached out and took hold of the doorknob.  The tugging eased a little, but she could still feel the pull as she opened the door and faced a circular set of stairs.  Cautiously, she climbed it, and when she reached the top, she found herself standing in a bedroom.  Her eyes landed on the figure who had risen from the bed.  Relief coursed through her, “Ben!”

He froze, a strange look on his face, “Rey?  What are you…?”

She ran across the space and grabbed hold of him, “I’m sorry.  I know I’m not supposed to be here.”

He hugged her back and kissed her forehead, but then pushed her back a little, “It’s okay, but you need to leave.”

She shook her head, “Please, I just need…”

He glanced at the window, tensed, pulled her back for one more hug, then completely let go.  “Sweetheart, you need to go.  Please, you have to–”

His words were cut off as his body doubled over.  Fear filled her, “Ben?  What’s…”

“Go!” He yelled, voice full of pain.

She couldn’t move.  Horror filled her as dawn lit the room and Ben began to change.  His clothes changed into a familiar black suit complete with cape and gloves.  But it was what happened to his face that she couldn’t tear her eyes away from.  Black and silver pieces tore through his skin and came together to form a single piece, obscuring him completely.

It was the mask.

Ben was gone.

Lord Ren stood there instead.

A second passed, and then that jarring metallic voice said, “Rey.”

She turned and ran. Fear and confusion propelled her down the tower's steps, through the door, and down the hall.  She had to get away, to get fresh air.  The entire time she ran, she felt him at her heels.  She didn't turn to see if he really was or if it was just her imagination.

Down another set of stairs to the third floor, and suddenly she was at the balcony door.  Forgetting his warning about not going out alone, she grabbed the door and pulled.  To her surprise and relief, it wasn’t locked and opened without much effort.  She dashed out onto the balcony, slamming the door shut.  

Everything was fine for a few seconds.  The air was cold and bracing, but it still felt good.

A few seconds was all she got.

Two things happened simultaneously.

Something grabbed hold of her arm, and a icy voice crowed, “Got you!”

Everything around her started to turn black as the door was flung open.  Lord Ren stood there.  He dashed forward, his hand stretched toward her.  “Rey!” he cried out in desperation.  It was the last thing she heard before everything disappeared into darkness, and she lost consciousness.

Chapter Text

When she came to, the first thing she was aware of was the smell.  The scent of musty dirt flooded her nostrils.  She opened her eyes slowly, and it took several seconds for them to adjust to the dim light.  Far above her was an opening, and she could see a grey, overcast sky.  

Sitting up, she found she had been lying on a cot, and a threadbare blanket fell down from her shoulders and pooled onto her lap.  She glanced around the room and saw that there was a small table along one wall with a single chair.  The floor and walls were dirt.  The room was a circle with no door.

“Where am I?” she asked aloud, though no one was around to hear her.

At least, she thought there was no one, but then a scrawny creature with a shock of red hair popped into existence a few feet in front of her.  “You’re awake,” it stated.

She was too confused to feel afraid, even though she knew the average goblin wouldn’t hesitate to try to turn her into its lunch.  “Who are you?  Where am I?”

The creature watched her with beady eyes, “I am Hux.  Humble servant of the great Wizard Snoke.  You’re here until he comes for you,” he cackled, “or you die from being forgotten.”

Before she could say anything else, it disappeared, and she was alone again.  She shivered in the damp chill.  At least she still had her wrap.  She pulled it tightly around herself and tried to figure out what was happening.

The image of Ben disappearing into Lord Ren filled her mind.  Fury and pain flooded her.  How could he have done this to her?  Why hadn’t he told her the truth?  Just the night before she’d professed her love and…and…  Had it only been the night before?  How long had she been unconscious?  She stood from the cot.  There had to be a way to escape.  Once she was free, she could focus on all the unanswered questions, but finding a way out was the most important thing.

Slowly, she walked around the room, hands on the wall, trying to find an opening.  Maybe the door was there, just impossible to see, but her fingers would be able to locate it.  One time around, and nothing.  Two times, and nothing.  Four more times and still nothing.  That was irritating, to say the least.

Moving to the center of the room, she looked straight up at the slate-grey sky.  The walls that stretched above her head were made of the same packed dirt that composed the rest of the room.  She moved back to the wall and decided to try something.  Pushing her fingers against it, she felt it give after a moment and she embedded her fingers up to the second knuckle.  

Pulling her fingers free, she returned to the center of the room.  It wouldn’t be easy, but if she could manage it, she could climb her way free.  She debated between the chair and the cot, eventually deciding to try the cot first.  She pulled off her slippers and wrapped them in her shawl which she tied around herself.  She’d need her toes free if she had a hope of getting out.

Standing on the cot, she took a deep breath and began her ascent.

It was slow and exhausting work.  She was a third of the way up, when her hands began to shake.  Already sweaty, her fingers slipped and she lost her grip, tumbling back down and landing hard on the cot.  By some miracle, it didn’t break with the impact.  The fall did knock the wind from her, and it hurt trying to catch her breath.

She was stubborn, though, and once her shaking calmed, she tore the bottom of her dress off and then ripped it into two separate pieces.  Wrapping them around her hands and up her arms, she hoped it would be enough to stop some of the sweating.  Getting up, she began the ascent again.  It was slightly easier since the finger and toe holes were already in place, but again, she began to shake from the exertion and ended up falling again.  

Angry tears slid down her cheeks as she gasped for breath.  She stared up at the sky and noticed that the grey was turning dark.  Nightfall.  The room grew chillier as it got darker, and she shivered.  She undid the wrap and slid her feet back into her slippers.  Pulling the wrap around herself, she continued to shiver and reached for the thin blanket.  

It got darker and colder and she huddled in a ball, trying to find some kind of warmth.  Her stomach growled, and she realized how dry her mouth was.  There was nothing in the room to eat or drink.  If she didn’t get out soon, she’d die of starvation and dehydration.

It really was too dark to try to make another attempt at scaling her prison walls, and she needed to try to regain a little energy.  Something that wasn’t easy given the lack of sustenance, but starvation wasn’t new.  Food had always been scarce for servants at Lord Plutt’s, and punishments frequently involved losing meals for a day or three.  She’d survived that.  She would survive this.

She laid back down on the cot and tried to rest.  Her eyes slid shut and sleep pulled her into a dream.  Strong, familiar arms held her, and for a moment she was happy.  Ben was holding her again.

“Where are you, sweetheart?”

She jolted at hearing his voice as all the awfulness of the last time she'd seen him flooded her mind.  Pulling free of his arms, she sat up, eyes wide open, and found she was alone, still in the dark, cold room.  “Damn it,” she growled.

“Rey?”

Her head swiveled toward the sound, and to her shock, Ben was right there, beside her.  She scrambled off the cot and backed a few feet away from him.  He was there, but he wasn’t.  He glowed with a strange light, and she could see through him as if he were a ghost.  She would've questioned what was happening if she hadn’t been so infuriated.  Instead, she seethed, “You monster.”

His gaze was focused on her and he didn’t flinch at her words, though she thought his face grew a little sad as he said, “You’re angry.”

“Angry doesn’t begin to cover it, husband.” She spat out the last word with all the venom inside.

That time he did flinch, but his voice remained calm, “Where are you?”

“I don’t know.”  She looked around the room, Hux’s words coming back to her, “Somewhere that goblin said I would be kept until your old master comes for me or I die because I’m forgotten.”

Ben was on his feet in an instant, but after taking a step closer, stopped and asked, “What goblin?”

“Hux.”

Ben glanced around, “I can’t see where you are.”  His eyes found hers again, “Just you.  Where are you?”

She glared at him, “Why do you care?  I’m still locked up.  That’s all you want, right?”

He sighed, “You can be as angry as you like once you’re home, but for now, could you please cooperate?”

She stomped closer to him, “That place is no more home than this hole is.”

His eyes widened with realization, “You’re in an oubliette.”

“I don’t care what it’s called.”

“No, I don’t suppose you do,” he mused.  “Are you okay?  Did Hux hurt you?”

“I’m fine, considering I was kidnapped and left in a hole to die.”  Her stomach growled loudly, “The lack of food and water should hurry that along.”

Alarm filled Ben’s eyes, “That bastard.”

“Takes one to know one,” she lobbed at him spitefully.

He was quiet for a few seconds before nodding, “Yes, it does.”  He moved closer and said, “Sweetheart, I–”

And just like that the room turned completely dark, and Ben was gone.  Frantic, she turned around, willing him to still be there.  Angry as she was with him, she still wanted him there with her.

***

Ben blinked as his surroundings filled in.  He was back in his room.  Rey was gone.  He had no idea what had happened nor how to get back to her.  In retrospect, he realized that if he hadn’t been so shocked by how Rey had been snatched away on the balcony, he would’ve realized that Hux was responsible.  The weasely goblin had been Snoke’s pawn for years, and Ben had experienced enough of the creature’s magic to recognize it.

He still had an hour before dawn, and he couldn’t summon his knights until then.  He went to the library and pulled maps.  Rey was in an oubliette, another thing the goblin loved.  That should’ve made things easier, but he knew that Hux had many oubliettes at his disposal, and time was too precious to make a search of all of them.  

She’d been gone for a day.  She had no food or water.  At best, they only had a few days to find her alive.

***

After he sent the knights out, he spent the rest of the day pouring over books, trying to figure out how to find her.  If he could leave, that would’ve made everything far easier, but he was as much a prisoner of the castle as his wife had been.  

When night fell, and his bodily prison disappeared, he went to the garden and sat among the flowers.  Rey had been truly happy there, and he hoped that he might be able to reach her again.  He closed his eyes and quieted his mind.  

“Where are you?” he murmured aloud, mentally reaching out, searching for her.  For a long time, there was nothing, but then he sensed the familiar warmth that he knew was her.  Worry flooded him as he sensed that it was far weaker than it had been the night before.  He focused intently on it, and everything around him went completely silent.  His eyes opened, and he saw the shivering mass beside him.  “Rey?” he said gently.

She didn’t respond, just continued to shiver, and he could sense she was in far worse condition than he’d anticipated.  He summoned everything inside him, pulled on every single magic reserve he knew, and reached for her.  He held his breath as he took hold of her.

It was impossible.  He knew that.  As he felt her, he marveled at the fact he’d managed to do so.  He pulled her up and looked down at her.  Dirt covered her, and her eyes barely opened as he moved her.  Her voice was thin, “You found me?”

He pulled her against himself, “Not quite.”

“I’m still mad at you,” but the words lacked the venom of the previous night.

“I know.”  He kissed the top of her head, “You can be as mad as you want.”

She continued to shiver, “I…I tried to climb out…but I…I can’t.  I…just…fall.”

“My knights are looking for you.”

She rested against his chest, and he was relieved she didn’t push him away or tell him to let go.  “You’re n-not with them?”

He sighed, “No.  I can’t leave this place.  I’m just as trapped as you.”

“Oh.” The word was flat and dull.  The next thing she said made him shudder.  “I’m so tired.  Maybe this…is…best.”

And before he could say or do anything more, she was gone.  He was back in the garden, arms empty, and an awful feeling of impending doom pulling at him.  Anguish filled him.  His knights weren’t going to find her in time.

***

She was delirious.  Ben had been there.  Or maybe he hadn’t?  She didn’t know.  Her mouth was so dry.  Her head ached and everything just felt discombobulated.  She was so hot, but she couldn’t stop shivering from the cold.  Sweat and dirt mixed together and burned her eyes.

She was vaguely aware of pain from her ankle.  It had happened when she fell.  She hadn’t been able to keep climbing after that.  She’d tried, but too weak and too much pain combined, and she’d been unable to keep going. 

She wanted Ben.  She could almost feel his arms around her, holding her.  Her cloudy mind conjured up the feel of his lips against her skin.  She was too tired to be angry with him. 

Too tired to do anything.  

In her delirium, she nestled against him and decided that there were worse ways to die.

Chapter Text

“Rey.  Rey, you have to wake up.”

Rey didn’t even open her eyes, “Can’t.”

“You can.  You have to.”

“Why?” she mumbled.

“Because you have to live.  Your time is not up.”

Rey forced her eyes open.  Standing next to her cot was the woman in the white dress.  Another dream.  Rey gave a slight shake of her head, “Everyone dies.”

The woman knelt down, “You have to live.  Wake up.”

Rey still didn’t move.  Her eyes started to close again, and the woman said, “You and Ben, you need each other far more than either of you know.  That's why you have to stay alive.  And the only way you will is if you wake up right now and start climbing.”

As angry as she was with Ben, the words managed to get her to sit up.  She glanced up to the sky high above.  Wearily, she looked back at the woman and said, “I’m so tired…and it’s so far.”

The woman’s face softened, “I know you are, but there’s still some strength in you.  You have power, and you are going to use it to get out of this hole.”

Rey sighed, “I don’t know how.”

The woman took hold of Rey’s hands, “Focus on what you need."  She smiled warmly at Rey and added, "It's time to wake up." 

***

Rey’s head throbbed almost as much as her ankle.  The dream was clear in her mind, and despite the gnawing hunger inside her belly and the dry-as-dust feel of her mouth, she felt a little better than when she’d fallen asleep.  It didn’t make any sense because, given how things had gone, it seemed she should be on death’s doorstep.  Maybe she was.  Maybe this was all some trick of her mind to make dying easier.

She stared up at the sky above.  It was still overcast, but it was daytime.  She wasn’t sure how much time she had until nightfall.  Her current accommodations didn’t make it easy to figure that out.

Sitting up, she examined her ankle.  It was horrifically swollen, the skin a mottled mess of black and purple.  It barely resembled an ankle.  She didn’t even have to try to stand on it to know that it wouldn’t support her weight, let alone be of any use for climbing.

You have power.

The woman’s words flashed through her mind.  Ben had said similar words over the month of trying to teach her very simple magic.  She had a horrible feeling that getting out of the hole was going to require far more than simple magic.  

She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate.  Ben always started by having her try to clear her mind, but that had never worked.  Maybe that was the problem. 

Focus on what you need.

In her mind, she pictured her ankle in its present damaged form.  She needed it to be healed.

An idea began to formulate.  What if she pictured it the way it should be?  Unbroken and completely functional.  Slowly, the image began to change.  The bruises disappeared.  The bones knit themselves back together.  The pain disappeared.

Opening her eyes, she was gobsmacked as she realized she’d done it.  Her ankle was as healthy looking as ever.  The nightmarish pain completely gone.  She made to stand.  To her relief, her ankle supported her without complaint.  

“I did it,” she whispered in awe as she stared down at her feet.  

Looking up again, she considered the climb.  Given how weak she felt, she knew she barely had one attempt left inside herself.  She squared her shoulders and came to a decision, if she could heal herself she could get the hell out of the hole.  Only problem?  She still wasn’t sure how.

She secured the shawl and slippers around herself and climbed on top of the cot.  Finding her finger and toe holes from before, she closed her eyes and envisioned the wall she had to scale.  The wall she’d never made it further than halfway up.  Breathing deeply, she did as she had with her ankle, and in her mind’s eye, she pictured herself climbing it as she slowly began her ascent.  

The entire time, she kept her eyes shut and climbed based on what she saw in her head.  Over and over, her fingers and toes dug into the next space until, at last, she moved her hand, and instead of going into the wall, it landed on grass.  Heaving herself up and out of the hole, she dragged herself a few feet away from the opening and passed out.

***

A hand was on the back of her neck, lifting her head, and something was pressed against her lips.  “Drink,” a gravely voice said.

She felt something cool and wet and opened her mouth.  A little liquid flowed into her parched mouth.  “Slowly,” the voice told her.

A few more sips and sleep pulled her back under.

***

Ben was there in her dream.  Everything around them was dark.  "Where are you?" he asked softly.

"I don't know."

***

Warmth.  That was the first thing she was aware of the next time she woke up.  Her eyes opened slowly, and her surroundings came into focus.  Above her were wooden beams making the ceiling.  She rolled her head to the side and saw walls made of stone, with a fireplace embedded into one.  Hanging over the cheerful fire was a pot where something was cooking that smelled delicious.  Her mouth began to water, and her stomach growled.

The simple bed she was lying on was far more comfortable than the cot she’d been using.  She began to sit up and as she did, someone was suddenly by her side, taking hold of her shoulders and helping her.  The gravelly voice from earlier said, “Easy there.”

She looked up into the face of an older man.  His hair was shaggy and as grey as his beard.  He wore a roughspun dark grey robe.  As soon as she was fully upright, he let go and walked to the table by the fireplace.  He picked up a cup and returned to her, holding it out.  “Drink it slowly.”

It was hard to do.  She was so thirsty and wanted to drain the cup as fast as possible.  Instead, she made herself take tiny sips.  The man stood, arms crossed, studying her from a few feet away.  “Thank you,” she rasped out after several sips.

He nodded, “I’ll have some food for you in a bit."  He sat on the chair at the table, still watching her, "Now, mind telling me what you were doing by one of Hux’s oubliettes?”

Rey blinked and fear flooded her, "Are you Snoke?”

A harsh laugh was accompanied by, “Certainly not.”

“Who are you?”

“Someone who prefers to be left alone .”

She took a few more sips of water and asked, “Why am I here then?”

“I wasn’t going to leave you out there to be goblin dinner.”

“Oh…thank you.”

Silence fell as the man continued to study her.  His brow furrowed deeply.  “Why were you out there?”

She looked down at her hands.  They were cleaned up, but there was still dirt under her nails.  “I couldn’t get any further.  I…I was too tired from climbing out.”

“Climbing out,” he repeated slowly.  

Before he could say anything else, something strange crackled in the air around them.  She looked up just in time to see the image of Ben appear.  Their eyes locked, and he said, “Rey.”  

“Ben,” she murmured as he disappeared.  The whole thing had taken only seconds.

Her attention was drawn by the older man's sharp inhale.  She saw his eyes were wide and face pale.  His eyes moved from the spot where Ben had appeared to fix on her, and his voice shook as he asked, “Who are you?”

Chapter Text

Rey felt bad by how scared the man appeared, “I’m Rey.  I’m sorry about that.  I know it was frightening.”

He shook his head and asked again, “Who are you?”

That confused her slightly.  “Like I said, I’m Rey.”

And he shook his head again, “I understand that’s your name.  I want to know who you are.”

She shrugged, “I’m nobody.”

His grumpiness began to return as he stated, “Dead men don’t show up to talk to nobodies.  Who are you, and how do you know him?”

The laugh was out of her mouth before she could stop it, “Dead?  He’s not dead.”

The man’s gaze turned sharp, “How do you know that?”

Rey opened her mouth to answer but then thought better of it.  Instead, she offered, “Tell me who you are and how you know him, and I’ll tell you how I know.”

The man was silent, studying her.  She started to wonder if he was going to refuse.  Finally, he sat forward and said, “I’m Luke, and I knew Ben when he was growing up.  Now, tell me why you think he’s still alive.”

“He’s my husband.”

Luke blinked.  Then he blinked again.  “You’re…his…wife?”

She nodded.

“When do you get married?”

“About two months ago.”

Luke was quiet for a very long time before he said, “Well, then.  I suppose I should welcome you to the family.”

Rey’s brow furrowed, “The family?  What family?  Yours?”

Luke nodded, “Ben’s mother is my sister.”

It took Rey a moment to process what Luke had said.  Then she remembered what Ben had said about his uncle and wondered if this was the man he’d been talking about.  “Are you the uncle he was sent to live with when he was ten?”

“I was.  I’m surprised he told you about that.”

“Why?”

Luke shook his head, “Things didn’t end well between us.”

“Oh.”  Rey couldn’t think of anything else to say to that.

Luke stood and moved to the pot over the fire.  A couple minutes later, he handed her a spoon and bowl of stew with the instruction, “Eat that slowly.”

She accepted them gratefully, and it took quite a lot of self-control to let it sit and cool.  Through the windows, she could see it was dark outside, but she wasn’t sure how late it actually was.  Luke sat at the table with his own bowl.  “How long have you known, Ben?” he asked.

Now that she knew Ben and Kylo were the same person, she supposed that meant she’d known him since the day they got married, but that didn’t change the fact that she hadn’t met Ben until a month later.  Still, she wasn’t sure she should relay that little tidbit of information since she really wasn't sure what Luke did and didn’t know about his nephew.  “A little over two months.”

“That’s…quick,” Luke said, sounding like he was picking the words carefully.

“Yes,” was all she replied as she began to eat.

They ate in silence.  She did her best to eat slowly, but it wasn’t easy.  By the time she finished, her body was demanding more sleep.  Luke took the bowl from her and, to her relief, didn’t try to keep talking to her as she laid down and fell back asleep.

***

Something strange was going on.  Ben couldn’t figure it out.  He’d managed to reach Rey, but just barely.  No sooner had he seen her than the connection was cut.  At least she was alive, which was a relief.  He just didn’t know where she was.

What was strange was the way their connection had been severed.  It almost felt like some kind of wall came down between them, and then something pushed him away.  Hard.  That meant he was dealing with power that was equal to, or even possibly greater, than his own.  There were only a few he knew of with power like that.  One was Snoke.  His uncle had been another, but Luke had been dead for years.

Snoke wanted Rey badly enough, but Ben doubted that he’d have cut off the connection because Snoke would’ve wanted to taunt his former pupil with the woman.  He’d likely know how scared and angry Ben would be, and Snoke loved to feed on those kinds of emotions.  

Ben spent a few hours reaching out, trying to locate her, but his attempts were unsuccessful.  He decided to try to get some sleep and headed for his bed.

At some point, he drifted off, and once he did, the connection sprang to life.  In his dream, everything around them was dark, like usual, but Rey was lying right beside him.  She was on her side, facing him, eyes shut in sleep.  He reached over and lightly moved a few loose strands of hair and tucked them behind her ear.  Her eyelashes fluttered at his slight touch, and she opened her eyes a little.  “Ben?” she asked, voice dripping with sleep.

“I’m here,” he told her.  “Are you safe?”

“I’m with your uncle, so I guess so?”

Ben was confused, “My uncle?  What are you talking about?”

She sat up, her brow furrowing, “Luke said he was your uncle.”

Ben sat up as well, feeling a bit like he’d been struck by lightning, “He…he was…but he’s dead.”

“Funny, he said the same thing about you.”

Ben was silent for a few moments.  If Luke really was alive, that would confirm his suspicion about how their connection had been cut.  It also meant that Rey was probably as safe as possible without being at home.  A wave of longing crashed over him as he fully realized just how badly he wanted…no, make that needed, her to be home.  Wanted her within arm’s reach, not just in his dreams.  But, since was in arm’s reach, he caught her hand and tugged gently.

She didn’t pull her hand away, but she also resisted letting him pull her closer.  He suspected that meant she was feeling a bit better, her fight had returned.  She sighed, “Ben…”

He lifted his free hand and rested it against her cheek.  Scooting a little closer, he rested his forehead against hers, “I know.  You’re still angry.”

“Yes, but maybe not as much as I was.”  A wry smile tugged at her mouth, “Almost dying probably has something to do with it.”

He winced, “I should’ve told you why you couldn’t go outside.”

“Yeah, you should’ve.”

“As soon as you’re home, I promise to explain as much as I can.”

"Good."  She sat back a bit, “I don’t even know how to get back.”

He tugged again, and this time, she let him pull her against himself.  Wrapping his arms around her, he rested his cheek against the side of her head and thought about the situation.  If Luke really wasn’t dead, he would be able to get Rey back home.  The question was whether or not he would.  He might decide it would be better to keep Rey from returning.  Still, since Ben had no idea where his uncle had holed up, his best option was to have Rey ask for help getting back.  The knights would never find her, for Ben suspected that wherever Luke lived was covered with every spell and ward possible.  “You need to ask Luke to bring you back.”  Ben grimaced as he added, “If he’s with you, it’s more likely you’ll make it back in one piece.”

***

When Rey woke the next morning, Luke was working on something at the table.  She sat up, and he didn’t even look at her as he waved a hand at a glass of milk and plate of food, “There’s breakfast.”

She stood carefully, and her bladder immediately screamed at her not to ignore it.  Uncertain of how long it had been since she’d last peed, she knew she couldn’t put it off very long.  “Um…I need to…” She wasn’t sure why she suddenly felt embarrassed to ask something related to a basic bodily function.

To her relief, Luke must’ve sensed the unasked question because he said, “Small building outside and to the left.  Be quick.”

She hurried out the cottage’s door with, “Thanks.”

A couple minutes later she returned and saw Luke was still bent over whatever it was he was working on.  She walked to the table, picked up the plate and cup and took a seat on the edge of the bed carefully balancing the plate on her lap.  For a few minutes she ate quietly, her eyes fixed on the older man, trying to decide how to ask for help getting back to Ben.  

Luke must’ve felt her gaze because, even though he didn’t look at her, he said, “Whatever it is, just ask.”

She swallowed the mouthful of bread and said, “I need to get back to Ben, but…”

“You have no idea how to get there.  Wherever there is,” Luke supplied when she let the words trail off.

She chewed her bottom lip, “Are you a mind reader?”

He sighed and finally looked at her, “Hardly.  It was just the obvious direction you were headed.  Let me guess, you want me to help you.”

“I know…I know I’m asking for a lot, especially since you’ve already helped me so much already.  Ben thinks if you help me get back, it’ll be my best chance.”

Luke’s gaze was piercing, “How do you know that?”

She glanced down at the crumbs that littered the wooden plate.  How could she explain without sounding crazy?  Maybe the dreams were just dreams, but based on how clear they were and the discussions that had happened in them, she had started to suspect that somehow she and Ben were actually together in them.  “I…I just do,” she tried not to cringe as she said it, knowing that if their positions were reversed, she’d never have bought that answer.

“I see.  Care to elaborate?”

Damn it.  She met his eyes, “I’d rather not.”

Luke’s lips pursed for a few seconds before he said, “In that case, good luck.  Door is there.”  He waved at the entrance to the cottage.

Rey sighed, “Fine.  Somehow, he and I are…are able to meet when I’m asleep.  I know it sounds crazy, and maybe they’re just dreams, but…”  She shrugged, “It’s been happening enough that I’m not convinced that’s all they are.”

Luke was silent for a long time.  He seemed to be debating something and finally asked, “Did you tell him where you are?  Where I live?”

She shook her head, “I have no idea where I am.  All he knows is that I’m with you.”

“Do you at least know where you’re supposed to go?”

She answered his question with one of her own, “Do you know where Castle Silence is?”

Chapter Text

Hux was having a particularly bad day.  The great wizard Snoke had decided that he was ready to have the girl brought to him.  Which shouldn’t have been a problem.  Hux had anticipated that if she were still alive after five days in the oubliette, she’d be on the edge of death.  Humans needed food and water to survive, both of which she hadn’t had access to.  She'd be weak and have no fight in her.

What he didn’t anticipate?  That she’d be gone.

The goblin paced the nearly unescapable room.  Marks on the walls painted a pretty clear story of what had happened.  She had managed to climb out.  There were enough scrapes that told him it had taken her more than a few tries to do it.  

What was he going to do?  His master didn’t believe in mercy, and despite the fact that no one else had ever managed what the girl had, that wouldn’t make any difference.  Snoke would view it as a failure, completely Hux’s fault.  

Likelihood Hux would survive Snoke’s wrath?  Slim to none.

***

Rey sensed that Luke wasn't exactly thrilled by her request.  After she asked, he lapsed into silence that lasted half the day.  The silence might’ve lasted even longer if not for the fact that she’d finally said, “If you aren’t going to show me where to go, could you at least point me in the right direction?”

“Why do you want to go back?”  The question was asked with genuine curiosity.

Rey was confused by the question, “What do you mean?”

“You could go anywhere.  Why go back there?  Why go back to him?”

She glanced down at her hands resting in her lap.  They were fair questions.  Looking back up, she stated, “He’s all I have.”

Luke sat back, deep in thought.  A minute passed and then another before he asked, “Are you in love with him?”

“I…” her words trailed off.  She loved Ben.  She did.  As angry as she was with him, she still loved him.  Her hesitation to answer stemmed from the fact that she couldn’t honestly say she fully loved him.  He was Kylo Ren, and she absolutely did not love Kylo.  “It’s complicated.”

Gruffly, Luke turned away, muttering something that sounded an awful lot like, “I’m not risking my life for complicated.”

Frustrated and exasperated, she spat out, “I’m not asking you to.  Come with me, don’t come with me.  I don’t care.  Please just help me get home.”

Five whole minutes passed before Luke stood and walked to the door.  His hand on the handle, he sighed wearily, “It’s a three-day journey.  I’ll take you as far as I can.  We’ll leave in the morning.”  With that, he yanked the door open and stepped through to the outside, pulling the door hard behind him.

Alone, Rey suddenly realized what she had said.  She’d asked Luke to help her get home.  

Home.

Just a few days earlier, when Ben had used the word, she’d angrily refuted it.  So why had she used it just a few minutes earlier?

***

She didn’t sleep well.  It seemed that no sooner than she drifted off she was suddenly awake again.  All night, she bounced in and out of sleep.  And apparently, she was sleeping too lightly to meet Ben in her dreams.  When morning dawned, she was exhausted but did her best to hide it.  She wasn’t about to let Luke know how drained she was, worried that he might leap at it as an excuse not to take her to Ben.

He moved fast.  Rey was used to walking quickly and quietly, but even so, the speed at which he moved was startling.  She wasn’t sure how long she’d be able to keep up the pace, but again, wasn’t about to point that out to him.

Far in the distance, she could make out the peaks of the Mustafar Mountains filling the horizon.  As the day passed, the mountains slowly grew in size as they got closer.  They traveled in silence.  Luke wasn’t given to talking, and Rey was too tired to try to hold a conversation and keep moving at the same time.  It was a relief when he finally came to a stop for the day.  

He led her into a small abandoned hut.  Dust and cobwebs covered nearly everything.  “We’ll be safe here tonight,” Luke said as he moved to the small fireplace and set about lighting a fire.  

Rey cleaned off the ancient chair and table that comprised the only furniture in the stone building.  From the pack Luke had given her to carry, she pulled a bedroll and unrolled it, placing it along one of the walls.  She sank onto it, trying to stifle a yawn.  Out of the pack, she pulled the package containing dried meat and bread.  Quietly, she began to eat as the flames began to warm the small space.

Luke picked up the chair and moved it to the door.  He glanced over at Rey and said, “Get some sleep.  I’ll keep watch.”

“Are you sure?”  She really did want to sleep, but it didn’t seem very fair to make Luke stand watch when he was already making sure she got back.

He nodded, “You didn’t sleep much last night.  I’ll be fine.”

She wasn’t surprised he knew how bad the previous night had been.  She’d tossed and turned all night, and the cottage hadn’t been large enough to hide the seemingly constant sound.  He turned away from her, and she finished eating.  Putting the uneaten food back in her pack, she slid down onto the bedroll and, after a few minutes, drifted off to sleep.

***

In her dream, her surroundings were dark. An arm was around her middle, and her back was against a broad chest. She moved her arm so she could place her hand atop his. “Are you okay?” she heard him murmur the words near her ear.

“Mm-hm.”

He sighed, and she tried to suppress the shiver caused by feeling his breath against her skin.  His voice was still soft, “My knights came back this morning.  Where are you?  I’ll send them back out again tomorrow.”

She shook her head, “I’m on my way.  Luke said it would take three days to get back.”

Ben’s body tensed slightly at Luke’s name, but then he asked, “Is he with you?”

“For now.”

When she didn’t add anything, his arm moved and rolled her onto her back.  Looking up, she saw Ben rise, propping himself up on his elbow.  He stared down at her, “What does that mean?”

For a few seconds, she couldn’t respond.  Memory of kissing him rushed through her, and something inside began insisting that it didn’t matter how angry she might be, it would feel really good to have his lips pressed against hers.  His body blanketing hers.  If his thoughts were going the same direction, he didn’t show it.  Rather, he asked, “Rey, what does for now mean?”

“He said he’d take me as far as he could.  I’m…I’m not sure how far that is, but I assume that means I’ll be on my own very soon.”

“Shit,” Ben muttered.  A startled laugh escaped her, causing his brows to knit together, “What?”

She bit her lip, “I’ve never heard you swear before.”

The corner of his mouth twitched, “I see.  Does it bother you?”

Something about the way he looked at her made her entire body grow warm.  She wanted him to kiss her.  Wanted it so badly.  Vaguely, she remembered what he’d just asked her, and she shook her head slightly, still biting her lip, “N-no.”

He searched her face for a few seconds, eyes darkening a little.  His head lowered a few inches, and he told her, “When you bite your lip like that…”  Then he blinked and raised himself back up.  “What direction are you coming from?”

It took her a few seconds to process the question and a few more seconds to try to figure out the answer.  “Southwest.”

He nodded and lifted a hand, gently tucking a few wispy hairs behind her ear.  “I’ll send the knights that way in the morning.”  He swallowed hard, “If Luke decides he won’t go any farther before they get there, stay put and try to hide.  It’s too dangerous for you to be completely alone out there.”

His hand rested against her cheek, and somehow, her body grew even warmer.  If he didn’t kiss her soon…

He leaned down again, holding her gaze, “Promise me you won’t try to come here alone.”  His forehead rested against hers, “Promise me.  I need you home.”

“Even if I’m angry?” she teased gently.

He chuckled, “Even if you’re angry.”  Inhaling deeply, he softly said, “Please, sweetheart.”

“I promise,” she answered, equally soft.

Relief filled his voice, “Thank you.”  And then he finally pressed his lips to hers, which was exactly what she wanted…

Too bad she woke up a second later.

***

They moved fast, still not talking. Rey wondered when Luke would decide to leave her. The mountains were much closer, and she knew it would likely be soon. The dreaded moment came midday.

They had reached the foothills a few hours earlier, and the trek grew slightly more strenuous.  If the sky hadn’t been overcast, the sun would’ve been beating down on them when Luke came to a stop in front of another abandoned hut.  Gruffly, he told her, “You’re on your own from here on out.  Keep heading the way we’ve been going; you’ll get there sometime tomorrow.”

Rey hesitated, not quite ready to be left completely alone, “You…You could come with me.  The rest of the way.”

Luke shook his head, “No.  Good luck, Rey.  You’ll need it.”  He turned and started walking away.

Before she could stop herself she asked, “Don’t you want to see Ben?”

Luke paused for a few seconds, then with another shake of his head, he turned slightly and replied, “That would be a bad idea.”

“He’s your nephew.  Your family.”  Why couldn’t she stop?  Was it just that she didn’t want to be left alone?  She took a deep breath, “I’m sorry.  Thank you for getting me this far.  Be safe.”

Luke fully turned and walked a few steps back toward her.  He stopped, and to her surprise, the gruff look had disappeared, replaced by something sad and kind.  She watched as he slipped his pack off his back and knelt down to rifle through it for a few seconds.  He pulled something out, and she caught a flash of silver in his hand as he closed the pack.  Standing, he pulled it onto his back and held out the silver item to her.

She looked at it with curiosity.  It was a tube.  Not completely silver, but rather silver with bands of copper.  “Take it,” Luke said.

“What is it?”

“My sister’s blade.  She asked me to find someone worthy to wield it.  I suspect that she’d consider the woman who willingly returns to her son’s side to be worthy.”

Rey reached out cautiously and carefully took hold of it.  When Luke let go, she found it had a bit more heft than she had anticipated.  She rotated it, examining it, “This was Ben’s mother’s?”

“It was.”

She looked at Luke, “How do I…how does it work?”

“You’ll figure it out.  Just don’t point this end at your face,” he said, tapping the part he was talking about.  He took a few steps back and, before turning away, told her, “Trust me, Rey, some reunions are better not taking place.”

She watched until he was a good distance away.  His figure grew smaller and smaller, and she realized that she’d been holding onto a small hope that maybe he didn’t mean it.  That maybe he’d turn and come back.  That he’d change his mind and take her the rest of the way.  Once he was so far away she could barely see him, she knew for sure that he really was going to leave her alone.

Promise me.   Ben’s words from her dream floated through her mind.  The memory of making the promise moved her to slip inside the hut.  He’d said his knights would be on their way.  While she wasn’t thrilled at the thought of seeing them, it made her a little less anxious.  She wasn’t sure how much further she had to go, but if luck were on her side, they would hopefully be there by nightfall.  

Chapter Text

The sun was setting when Rey heard the hoofbeats.  She’d spent several hours alternating between sitting on the ground and pacing the small building.  The whole time, she’d studied the weapon’s hilt.  There was no obvious way to make the blade appear.  It was apparently like Kylo’s weapon.  Memory of the fiery blade left a sick feeling in her stomach, partially because of what she’d seen him do with it, but mostly because she had to face the fact that she wasn’t just going back to Ben.  She was going back to Kylo as well.

She slipped on her pack and stepped out of the hut as the hoofbeats drew closer.  The six knights, all in black, came to a halt when they reached her.  She hadn’t seen them since the day she’d been delivered to Castle Silence to the man who had bought her.  

Ap’lek pulled her up roughly to sit in front of him.  They were all silent as they turned the horses and headed back in the direction they’d come from.

They rode through the night.  She drifted off a few times, but not for long.  Mostly, she was consumed by the mix of feelings that swirled chaotically inside.  She didn’t know what to expect when she got back.  Though it had begun to cool, her anger began to burn bright again.

Ben had spent two months not telling her any of the things he should’ve.  Was that really how someone would behave if they truly cared about someone else?  To top it off, why the hell had he pretended not to know why Kylo behaved the way he did?  Why had he let her think that she was cheating on her husband?  Why wouldn’t Kylo talk to her?

By the time the horses came to a halt in front of the castle, it was late afternoon.  She was placed on the ground and quickly moved toward the castle’s door.  Yanking it open, she strode inside.  T he moment the door had shut, the sound of the horses in the courtyard had disappeared.  The quiet surrounded her, and s omething in the air felt warm and tingly.  She took a few steps away from the door, and while the quiet remained, the warm tingly feeling began to dissipate.  The further she got from the door, the more it faded until it disappeared completely.  

Her husband was nowhere to be seen.  Not much of a surprise there, though she felt a strange twinge of disappointment by it.  But the disappointment was minimal.  She wasn’t eager to see the masked version of him.  Just thinking about the mask brought to mind the image of how it had torn through his skin and formed around his head.  She shuddered.  That was an image she’d never be able to fully forget.

She made her way back to her room.  It was a relief to lock the door and be alone in the safety of her own space.  Placing the pack on a chair, she began to strip out of her clothes.  She needed a bath.  A trail of filthy clothes formed as she headed towards the bathing room.  Undoing her hair, she brushed it out before moving to the small pool sunk into the floor.

Gratefully, she slipped into the water.  It was as clean and warm as always.  She sighed in relief as the water covered her.  It felt like her entire body was nothing but knots.  For several minutes, she just sat, eyes shut, resting her head against the edge of the bath, letting the warmth ease the ache that filled her body.

You’re back.

She screamed and jumped at the words.  Sitting up straighter, she glanced around, thinking that Ben had somehow entered the room without her noticing or giving permission.  

No one was there.  

She splashed water on her face, deciding that she must’ve drifted off.  Moving along the edge of the bath, she reached for the soap and shampoo.  She scrubbed her entire body until every bit of dirt she could reach was gone.

Clean and dry, she returned to the main room.  Through the windows, she could see the sun had begun to set.  Her trail of clothes had disappeared, and a tray of food had appeared at the window nook.  Her door was still locked from the inside, which meant Maz hadn’t been there.  Which meant that either the castle's magic was responsible or it had been her husband.  Maybe she really had heard him while in the bath.  She decided to eat and then go hunting for the man who had quite a lot of explaining to do.

***

A bit later, she opened her door and stepped into the hall.  She stopped, debating where to start her hunt.  While she was dithering, she suddenly felt the tug she’d felt the morning she ended up in Ben’s room.  Since it had led her to him before, she decided to follow and see where it led.  It wasn’t much of a surprise when she found herself walking into the library.

She came to a halt, just inside the entrance.  The tug went away, and she looked around, expecting to see Ben.  To her surprise and annoyance, he wasn’t there.

Walking the length of the room, she felt her anger grow.  Was the man avoiding her?  If he was, that was not going to do much to soothe her anger.  Reaching the far end of the room, she turned, intending to walk back to the door and maybe try her luck elsewhere in the castle.  Her feet halted, and her breath caught.

Ben was standing just inside the doorway.

Relief overtook her, calming her anger for the moment.  She ran for him.  Not stopping until he was holding her as tightly as she was holding him.  The embrace loosed after several seconds, and Ben pulled back a little, lifting his hands to cup her face.  His gaze trailed over her, seeming to check to see if she was okay.  For just a moment, she thought he might kiss her.  In fact, now that he was there, touching her, looking at her like she was something precious, she began to hope he would.  To her disappointment, he let go and stepped back.  The loss of his touch was enough to break through the happiness of seeing him.  Her arms dropped, hands balled into tight fists, but she didn’t step away.

Several long moments passed as they held each other’s gaze.  He appeared to be waiting for her to speak, which led to the realization that she had no idea where to start with the massive pile of questions that filled her mind.  At least her anger was no longer boiling.  It was still there, but had calmed to a simmer.  The anger was good.  It would keep her from doing something stupid like grabbing and kissing him.

Taking a deep breath, she plunged forward with the only thing she could think of to say, “I have questions.”

He nodded, “I know.”

“I expect answers.”

“You’ll get them.”

She eyed him, “I want actual answers.  Not vague or cryptic responses.  No lying.  Do you understand?”

Again, he nodded, “I do.”

“Do you promise?”

“I do.”

Her hands started to unclench, though they still formed fists.  The library didn’t feel like the right place for the coming conversation, and she didn’t want to go back to the garden until she had a few of the more pressing questions answered.  She’d been happy in the garden and didn’t want anything to happen there that would detract from that.  She certainly wasn’t going to suggest either of their bedrooms.  That would be a monumental mistake because she had a feeling that there wouldn’t be much talking that would happen if they chose that.  Making a decision she walked past him, saying, “Come on.”

Silently, he fell into step beside her.  A few minutes later, they reached the kitchen.  She put the kettle on and, while waiting for the water to boil, turned her attention back to Ben.  He leaned against the entryway, arms folded across his chest.  She studied him, “You’re Kylo Ren.” 

A muscle worked in his jaw.  He nodded slowly, replying, “Unfortunately.”

She chewed at the inside of her cheek, and when he didn’t offer more, she asked, “Do you turn into him every day?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

She saw him swallow hard as his eyes shut for a moment, then he met her gaze again and answered, “It’s my punishment for my sins as Kylo Ren.”

That would need further explanation, but the kettle began to whistle.  She turned to deal with that and soon moved to the table, handing Ben one of the steaming cups.  Sitting across from each other, she asked, “How did you become him?”

He leaned back in his chair, running his fingers through his hair.  She waited quietly, and just when she began to wonder if he was going to refuse to answer her, he said, “It’s a long story.”

“Fortunately, I have nothing but time.  Tell me your story.”

***

He’d hoped she’d start with something easier rather than going for the things he’d rather not think about.  However, he’d promised her answers, and they would’ve gotten to this particular question at some point.  Maybe it was better to get it out of the way earlier rather than later.  “Did Luke tell you anything about me?”

She shook her head, “Not really, apart from the fact he thought you were dead.  Your uncle wasn’t exactly talkative in our time together.”  Her fingers danced in abstract patterns on the tabletop as she added, “Which is definitely something we’re coming back to.”

“No need.”

Her lips pursed, “You are not avoiding explaining that.”

“Oh, I’m going to explain; I’m just pointing out that it doesn’t need to be its own question.”  He watched her fingers for a few seconds more and then met her eyes again, “The story of Kylo Ren will likely answer many of your questions.”

“I see.”

Something occurred to him, “Before I get to that, there’s something you should know.”

Her eyebrows lifted slightly, “What’s that?”

“I know it frustrates you that I don’t talk much in the mask.”  He sighed, “When the mask is on, I can only say ten words.  I have to pick the words carefully.  Each one makes it tighten, which is…uncomfortable.”  It was more than that.  It was downright painful.  The one time he’d tried to say an eleventh word, it had been so tight he’d thought the thing was going to break his jaw. 

Her eyes went wide with horror, “Does it hurt?”

“Yes,” he winced slightly as he answered.

She chewed at her bottom lip, which led him to stare at her mouth.  Hopefully, once she had her answers, she’d let him kiss her again.  Because if she refused, he would spend the rest of his life regretting the choices he’d made that had led to him losing his wife’s love.  And that was assuming that he hadn’t already had.  

“It hurts when the mask forms, doesn’t it?”

His eyes found hers again, and he nodded wearily, “It does.”

She softened a little at the admission, “I…I’m sorry.”

He shrugged, “It’s punishment.  It’s not supposed to be pleasant.”

“Thank you for telling me.  If I talk to you, does the mask make it difficult to hear me?”

“No.  Talk as much as you want.  I promise I listen, even if I can't reply.”

Her mouth curved slightly, the closest he’d seen to a smile in a while.  She took a drink and said, “You might regret suggesting that.”

Tenderly, he told her, “Doubtful.  I like hearing you talk.”

There was the slightest dusting of pink on her cheeks as she dropped her eyes and bit her lip.  He glanced away, reminding himself again that kissing was not an option.  A few seconds passed and then she drew his gaze back by asking, “Maybe you could write your replies?”

He nodded slowly, “If you want.  Though, don’t expect me to be fast.”

“Why not?”

He looked at his hands, “The gloves are not very conducive to writing quickly.”

She sucked in a sharp breath, “Are they like the mask?  Do they hurt?”

“No, nothing like that.  They don’t make it very easy to hold a pen, hence slowing down my writing.”  He looked up again, “That said, it is the best solution to me being unable to speak, provided you’re willing to be patient."

She nodded, “I am.”  Lifting her cup, she took another drink.  Setting it back down, she asked, “Was there anything else?”

He shook his head, “No.”  Taking a deep breath, he began to tell her the story of his downfall.

Chapter Text

Ben took a drink of the strong black tea, debating where to begin the story.  Unexpectedly, his mind summoned the memory of a pair of warm brown eyes.  He could almost hear the soft voice that went along with them, the first voice he’d ever heard, speaking words of love.  Gazing at the woman across from him, he mused, “You remind me a bit of my mother.”

Rey’s eyebrows lifted, “I do?”

He nodded, “Your eyes are like hers, and you’re just as strong and stubborn as she was.”

“Was?  Is she…”

He shook his head and answered the unfinished question, “I don’t know if she’s still alive.  I haven’t seen her in a long time.”

Something in Rey’s eyes darkened, but she didn’t say anything, though it felt like there was something she was holding back.  “What is it?” he asked.

Her hands were wrapped tight around her cup, and he watched her wet her lips.  Her voice was soft as she asked, “What about your father?”

Something inside him tensed.  The way she asked the question left him feeling that she very well might know the truth, but he had no idea how.  No one else had been there.  “What about my father?” he doubted that she missed the tightness of his voice as he asked the question.

“Is he still alive?”

There was no doubt in his mind.  Somehow, she knew the truth.  At least some of it, at least.  She was probing, trying to see if he was going to be honest with her.  He didn’t look away as he shook his head and replied, “He is not.”

She took a drink and asked, “What happened to him?”

He sat back, arms folded across his chest, “Does it matter?”

She nodded, “It does.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m trying to figure something out.”

“I see.”  He had hoped to work up to that particular story.  Wanted her to have more of the whole story, though even if she did, it wouldn’t change just how horrible the truth was.  Resisting the urge to look away, he stated, “I killed him.  I suspect you already knew that, though I have no idea how.”

She didn’t look surprised, just sad with a note of resignation.  When she didn’t say anything, he pressed, “How did you know?”

Her eyes dropped to her cup, “You won’t believe me.”

“You know something that, as far as I know, no one else does.  Did someone tell you?”

She shook her head and voice was low, “I…I saw it.”

His brow furrowed.  That simply wasn’t possible.  No one else had been there.  “You saw it?”

Her eyes lifted, barely meeting his, “It was a dream.  That morning I went to your room.”

Ben’s gaze sharpened on her.  That had been his dream.  How had she seen it?  He knew they were connected but hadn’t realized they were that connected, at least not before she’d been taken by Hux.  But, even when she’d gotten back earlier that day, and he’d tried to reach her, she’d not replied.  He decided to try an experiment and sent the words to her along the connection Can you hear me?

She stiffened, eyes growing wide, “Was that…?”

I’ll take that as a yes.

“You’re in my head?” her voice was a mix of confusion and anxiety.

He shook his head, “Not exactly.”

In a moment, she was off the chair and backing away from him.  She looked so panicked, he wanted to go to her, but hesitated.  If he got closer, it might make her even more upset.  Instead, he held out his hand, “Hey, come here.”

She didn’t move toward him, but she did stop moving away.  She stopped moving completely.  He sat silently, watching her.  A few seconds ticked by, and then, he could see something in the way that her lips moved, the way her brows knit together, that told him she was puzzling something out.  Her arms folded across her chest, and this time, it was her gaze that sharpened on him.  “You’ve…you’ve done that before.  Haven’t you?  At our wedding…when I got back today…and…and…those weren’t dreams while I was gone, were they?”

“No, they weren’t.”  Trying to sound comforting, he told her, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to upset you.”

Slowly, she moved back to the chair and sank onto it, shaking her head, “I don’t understa–” the word disappeared into a yawn she tried to stifle.

He watched her rub at her eyes and asked, “Did you sleep last night?”

She shrugged, “A little.”

He stood and held out his hand again, “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

She looked up at him, “I’m fine.”

“You need rest.”

Her gaze steeled, “You are not getting out of this conversation.”

“No, but I’d prefer to continue this when I know you’re fully awake.”

She looked from his eyes to his outstretched hand.  A few seconds went by before she took hold and stood.  He led her out of the kitchen, through the castle, and up the stairs, not stopping until they reached the door to her room.  Squeezing her hand, he started to let go, “Get some sleep.”

To his shock, he felt her grasp his hand tighter as she shook her head, “Don’t leave.”

He searched her eyes, “Is that really what you want?”

She hesitated a moment before nodding, “If you’re going to show up in my dreams, we might as well share a bed.  And…” she chewed at her bottom lip, “I…know we have a lot to figure out, but…but after the last week, I don’t want to be alone.”

He wondered if he should feel bad about the relief that flooded him at her words.  She still wanted him with her.  “I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”

She shook her head, “No.  You’re not leaving.  Wait…”  Her head tilted to the side, eyes still fixed on him, “Is it because of what happens?  Do you have to be in your room for it?  I’ll sleep there if that’s the case.”

No, he didn’t have to be in his room; it would happen wherever he was.  He shook his head, “I don’t want you to have to see that again.”

She gave him a weak smile, “And I don’t want you leaving halfway through the night.  I know what to expect now.  I won’t run.”  Another yawn, and she tugged at his hand, “Please?”

Wordlessly, he nodded and let her pull him into the room.

***

He didn’t sleep.  Rey was curled up beside him, buried under blankets.  Since he now knew they could somehow share dreams, he thought it might be best to give her a peaceful night of sleep.  As the quiet night hours passed, he kept watch over her sleeping form.

When dawn neared, he waited until the last possible moment before sliding out of the bed.  She seemed to be deep asleep, but when he stood from the mattress, she stirred and rolled over to face him.  Her eyelashes fluttered, and something akin to confusion crossed her face, “Ben?”

He reached down and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, “Shhh…go back to sleep.”

***

Before he could pull his hand away, she caught it with hers.  Her stomach knotted as her eyes darted between his face and the window.  The night sky wasn’t quite as dark as when they’d gone to bed.  “Is it time?”

“Almost.”  He tried to pull his hand away, but she held tight, and he said, “Let go, sweetheart.”

Much as she didn’t want to see the transformation, she didn’t want him to leave her, either.  “Only if you promise to stay.”

He glanced toward the window, and a heavy sigh escaped him.  Meeting her eyes again, he asked, “Are you sure?”

She nodded as she moved to sit up on her knees.  With her free hand, she lightly ran her fingers along the line of his jaw.  Releasing his hand, she lifted hers to the back of his neck, “I’m sure.”  Pulling his head to her, she pressed her lips to his.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight against himself as he kissed her back.   The kiss had barely started when she felt him tense and let go.  Stepping back out of her hold, his eyes flew to the window.  She followed his gaze and saw it had gotten even lighter outside.  Hearing the sharp inhale, her focus returned to him in time to see the transformation begin.

She wanted to look away as his face contorted in pain, but his eyes held hers, and she knew she had to keep watching.  Despite his protestations of not wanting her to be present when it happened, she felt like he needed her there.  And, then, the black and silver covered his face, and it was over.  He straightened and stood quietly in full Kylo form.

Are you okay?

She blinked, “Ben?”

He nodded his head.  I’m still here.

“Good.”  She sat back on her heels as the room filled with the sunrise.  Even though she knew it was Ben on the inside, it was still difficult to reconcile what she was seeing with what she knew. 

You can go back to sleep if you’re still tired.

She shook her head and moved off the bed, “I’m too awake.  Might as well get up.”  Walking to the closet, she paused before stepping inside as she realized something.  Turning back, she said, “Is there some limit to talking like this like you have if you try to speak?”

Not that I know of, though I haven’t tried doing this very much.  We’ll just have to wait and see.

“Well, at least talking this way seems far easier than waiting for you to write down all your replies.”  Stepping into the closet, she added, “I’ll be down for breakfast in a little bit.”

***

Not quite half an hour later, she took a seat in front of a plate of eggs and toast.  Picking up her fork, she looked at her companion.  “So, can we continue our talk, or does that have to wait until tonight?”

We can continue if you want.

She ate a mouthful of eggs.  “Why did you marry me?  Was it really necessary?”

It was.  The vows we exchanged tied us to each other allowing me to extend a type of protection to you that would be impossible otherwise.  And it’s protection that you need.

“But why do I need to be protected?  Why is Snoke after me?  What does he want from me?”

It’s not just you.  He wants both of us.

“But why?”

Finish eating, and I’ll try to show you.

Chapter Text

Breakfast gave her time to think, and the more she thought, the more convoluted the mess of feelings inside became.  She had no idea what Ben meant by I’ll try to show you.  S he was also a little concerned that kissing him that morning might have been unwise, given that she was still slightly angry and he still hadn’t given her much of an answer about anything.  But, she’d missed his kisses and had known that if she didn’t kiss him before the mask appeared, she’d have to wait until nightfall. 

To make things even more complicated, no matter how much she tried to remember that it was Ben under the mask, every time she looked at him, all she could think of was the fact that he’d had a father who wanted him.  A father who loved him, and he’d killed the man.

She swallowed the last bite of breakfast and regarded the black-garbed figure beside her.  “Were you ever going to tell me the truth, or were you just going to leave me in the dark for the rest of my life?”

I was going to tell you.

“Why not be honest with me from the beginning?  Why pretend to be two different people?”  Her anger flared, “Do you have any idea how awful I felt, thinking I was on the verge of committing adultery?  Did you even care?”

I did care.

She glared, “And yet, you still let me think it.”  Her stomach tossed, and as much as she wanted to talk to Ben, she didn’t want to be anywhere near him in his current form.  She needed to be able to see his eyes.  Wanted to have more than just his voice in her head.  And with her anger rapidly blossoming into something frightful, she stood from the chair and informed him, “I need some time to collect myself.  Please don’t follow me.”

Whirling on her heel, she departed the room as fast as possible.  Several minutes of rapid walking brought her to the garden’s door.  She entered it and pulled the door shut behind her.

Kicking off her shoes, she went to the open area and lay down in the grass, flat on her back.  For a little bit, she just stayed like that, focusing on her breathing, trying to calm her storm of emotions.  

Once they had settled down into something more manageable and she felt able to think more clearly, she sat up and began to get her thoughts in order.  Ben had told her that the story of Kylo Ren would likely answer many of her questions, but then he’d managed to do everything except tell her the story of Kylo Ren.  She was determined that wasn’t going to happen again.  

***

Though she did show up to lunch and dinner, she barely spoke beyond telling him that she still needed her space from him between meals.  After dinner, she asked, “When does the mask go away?”

When the sun finishes setting.

“Then, I’ll see you in the library after it does,” she told him before leaving the room.

A couple of hours later, relief flooded him as the mask disappeared for another day, and his clothes reverted to the more comfortable apparel.  He walked toward the library, flexing his hands as he always did once the stiff leather no longer encased them.  After six years, one would think the apparel that imprisoned him daily would have gotten easier to deal with, but it was just as unpleasant and uncomfortable as the day it had sealed itself around him.

He found Rey sitting on the floor in front of the fire.  She glanced up as he approached and asked, “May I join you?”

Nodding, she replied, “Yes, please.”

He sank onto the floor, leaving only a couple of feet of space between them.  They just looked at each other before for a few seconds before she took a deep breath and told him, “I have some things to say to you, and I need you to be quiet until I’m done.  Can you do that?”

He nodded and said nothing.

“Good.”  Another deep inhale, and then she said, “I have spent my life having no control over anything that happens to me.  I went from being Plutt’s possession to being yours.  I understand that you don’t see it that way, but I do.”

Her hands toyed with the skirt of her dress for a moment before stilling as her voice grew stronger, “I spent today thinking about our situation, about all the things that I don’t know.  I’m done being kept in the dark about things.  You told me you would give me honest answers, and I’m holding you to that.  If I yawn, you don’t get to decide that I’m too tired to continue the conversation.  I make that decision, not you.  I may not get to control much of anything in my life, but you will let me control the direction of this conversation.”

“Are you agreeable to this?” She asked once she’d given her words a few moments to sink in.

He nodded.

Relief flooded her features, “Thank you.”  She was quiet for a few beats before asking, “What did you mean this morning when you said you would try to show me?”

“I want to try something.  I’m not sure it will work, but given the way we’ve been able to interact when you’re asleep, and the fact we can communicate without speaking, I have hopes that it will work.”

Her head tilted to the side as she studied him, “And what exactly is it that you want to try?”

He held out his hands to her, “Give me your hands.”

For a few seconds, she just stared at his outstretched hands.  He wondered if she was going to fight him, but then she did as he’d requested.  He closed his hands around her smaller ones, holding them as gently as possible.  “Close your eyes.”

Again, she hesitated.  Her eyes roamed over his face, moved down to where their hands were joined, then returned to hold his gaze.  “Ben…” there was a note of weariness in her voice.

“I think it will be easier if you can see what happened.  If this doesn’t work, we’ll do this by talking, but at least let me try.”

She chewed at her bottom lip for a few seconds, then her eyes closed as she said, “Okay.”

He closed his own eyes and focused on the memory he wanted to show her.  Once it was clear in his mind, he sent it along the connection he’d been using to reach her.  Her hands grasped his tightly as she asked, “What am I looking at?”

“A memory.”  Trying to keep his tone soothing, he added, “Don’t be afraid.  I’m right here with you.”

***

“What’s wrong, Ben?”

The little boy wiped his arm across his eyes.  He didn’t even look to see where the voice had come from.  He already knew no one would be there.  More tears escaped him, and he tried to get them to stop, but they wouldn’t.  “I…messed…up,” he managed to say.

The voice drew closer, “Why do you think that?”

“I…I…”  He couldn’t make the words come out and settled for pointing at the shattered glass.

“Ah,” was all the voice said.

Sniffling, Ben said, “It…it was an…ac-accident.”

“How did it happen?”

The little boy shook his head, “I…I don’t…know.”

The voice wrapped around him, “That’s okay.  You’re learning to control magic.  Things like this will happen.”

***

The memory ended abruptly and Ben said, “You can open your eyes.”

Rey blinked a few times, then her gaze zeroed in on him, “What was that?”

His thumbs caressed the backs of her hands, “Snoke.  Or, at least, that was his voice.”

Her brow furrowed, “What do you mean?”

“Growing up, he would talk to me.  I never saw him, and I don’t remember a time when he didn’t.  It was just his voice.”  Ben sighed, “I struggled with magic.  It was easy for me to access, but I couldn’t control it.  I accidentally destroyed things, simply because the power was more than I could handle.”

“Didn’t anyone else notice a voice talking to you?”

He shook his head, “Snoke told me that I was special.  That my power let me hear him.  He said I shouldn’t tell anyone I could hear him because they wouldn’t understand.  He told me that people would think I was lying and I would get in trouble.”

“You believed him?”

“I was so young, I didn’t know better.”  He shrugged, “I was already having a hard enough time.  I didn’t want to make things worse.”

Her eyes didn’t leave his as she said, “That must have been hard.”

He nodded and asked, “Do you want to see more, now that we know this works, or do you need a break?”

“Show me more, if you’re up to it.”

***

“He could’ve burned the whole house down, Leia.”

Ben stood next to the door that was open a crack, straining his ears, listening to his parents fight.  About him.  Again.

“He could’ve, but he didn’t.  We’ve talked about this, Han.  He’s getting better.  This is just going to take time.”

“And what if he ends up hurting someone?  What if he hurts you?”  Though his father’s voice sounded angry, Ben could hear the fear in it.

“I can protect myself,” came his mother’s stubborn retort.

“You’ve been saying that since he was born.  You know he needs to go to Luke.  It’ll be for the best.”

“No!” Leia’s voice was fierce, “We are not sending our son away.  I’m not having this conversation again.”

There was the sound of a door slamming, followed by the sound of footsteps that quickly grew louder.  Ben hurried to his bed but wasn’t quite under the covers when the door opened wider.  Leia stood in the doorway, hand on the doorknob.  She moved toward him and sat on the edge of the bed.  “You’re supposed to be asleep,” she said gently as her fingers lightly brushed back his hair from his forehead.

He looked up at her, “I didn’t mean to do it.”

“I know.”

“Is dad mad?”

Leia sighed, “Not exactly.  He’s just worried.”

Ben sat up against the headboard, pulling his knees against his chest, arms wrapped around his legs, and said sadly, “He thinks I’m going to hurt you.”

Leia moved so she was sitting beside him.  Wrapping her arms around him, she pulled him gently against her side, “I’m sorry you heard that.”

The fact she didn’t deny it only made him feel worse.  His voice shook, “I don’t want to hurt you.  I don’t want to hurt anybody.”

“I know.”

He felt panic building inside, “I don’t want to leave.”

Leia rested her cheek against the side of his head, “I don’t want that either.”

“She’s going to send you away,” Snoke’s voice slithered through Ben’s mind.  “Everyone is scared of you.  They’re going to get rid of you.”

Ben tensed, “Don’t make me go!  Please, mom!”

“I won’t.”  She kissed the top of his head, “But, maybe we could go visit Uncle Luke.  You know he has some students now.  You could see what it’s like.  If you wanted to stay for a little bit, that would be okay.”

“See?  She’s going to get rid of you.”

Ben backed away, out of his mother’s arms.  Fear and anger mixed with his panic, “You are sending me away!”

“I’m not.  If you don’t want to stay, you won’t have to.  All I’m suggesting is going and seeing your uncle.  That’s it.”

Ben shrunk into the corner where the bed met the wall.  Hot tears ran down his cheeks, “You’re getting rid of me!  You’re…you’re…”  Suddenly, pain tore through him, and he collapsed onto the bed, screaming in agony.

“Ben?  Ben?!”  Leia grasped him, and as he continued to scream, he heard her scream, “Han!  Get in here!”

The pain got worse and worse.  It felt like something inside was cutting at him.  He couldn’t focus.  Everything was white hot pain.  And then everything went black as the sound of a baby’s cry mixed with Ben’s continued screams.

***

Their eyes flew open at the same moment.  They were both breathing hard, and Ben felt Rey yank her hands from his.  She was shaking and stared at him with wide, terrified eyes, “What…the hell…was that?”

He blew out a shaky breath, “I’m…I’m sorry.  I wasn’t expecting it to…to be that bad.”

She hugged herself tightly, “Ben, what was that?  What happened?”

The answer was on the tip of his tongue, but he hesitated.  He really hadn’t anticipated that the memory would be such a visceral experience.  If he’d known, he wouldn’t have thrown her into it without warning.  It had been upsetting, and he suspected his answer was only going to make it worse.  He shook his head, “Rey…I…”

“Tell me,” she insisted as she dropped her hands and reached out to take hold of one of his.  “Ben, that was awful.  What was it?  Why did I hear a baby?  Please tell me.”

He shut his eyes briefly and took a few deep breaths.  Then, he met her gaze and answered, “I believe that was the moment you were born.”